Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She only had herself to blame, she realised, as her gaze traced Bobby’s features, his smile directed at Elizabeth. A smile he had given to her on many occasions, memorable occasions, like when he had wrecked her body after hours of lovemaking or when he had made her favourite dish and watched her eyes light up in admiration.

He had been hers. Completely.

And she had tossed him aside.

She should have listened to Michael, all those months ago, when he was encouraging her to just be happy. Bobby had made her happy. Happier than she had been in decades and if she was truly honest, and if she took off the rose tinted glasses through which  she had always viewed her relationship with Emmett, happier than she had been in her entire life.

She’d wrecked it. In her fear of being hurt, in her fear of another failed relationship, she had ran from Bobby and any possibility of a future with him.

And now his future was with someone else.

She turned away from the scene in front of her. Scared that her devastation was written across her face. He didn’t deserve that. Elizabeth certainly didn’t. The sweet, kind, beautiful nurse who was everything Athena wasn’t.

Who had obviously become everything to Bobby.

She wondered what she was to Bobby now. A friend? They had tried to be, but it wasn’t the same. Was she a regret? Maybe in those first few months. But not now. Now he had moved on and she should move on too.

But she was stuck, mired in her own regrets and misery with no conceivable way out.

Feeling overwhelmed she tried to surreptitiously move away from the Christmas festivities the Wilson’s were hosting and out to the back yard. Trying to catch her breath from the sob threatening to find its way out.

She wondered how she could make her excuses to leave. Her kids were here, her ex and his partner were here. A migraine. Michael wouldn’t even question it, neither would Hen, nor Bobby for that matter.

She could disappear home and spend the rest of Christmas Day under her duvet, shutting out the world and her self-inflicted heartbreak.

“You okay?” Bobby’s voice said from behind her.

She closed her eyes in defeat, her back to him. Of course he would be the one to find her in her moment of weakness.

Would this be yet another moment she would regret?

-9-1-1-

She’d sat outside the firehouse earlier that day, willing herself to go in to apologise, make it clear to his crew he was hers and she was his.

Her hand had reached to open her cruiser on multiple occasions but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. It had told her something. She wasn’t ready for this. She loved Bobby. Cared for him. Wanted him. But she wasn’t ready for him and it wasn’t fair. He’d been through so much, the last thing he needed was someone who didn’t know what she wanted and who would mess him around. That wasn’t her. She wasn’t that girl. He deserved her honesty.

When she found herself reaching up to knock on his door, she remembered herself from a few days previously, Thai food in hand waiting to knock with a smile, with excitement at another evening with her man. The juxtaposition to her now was overwhelming. Her stomach was doing flip flops for entirely different reasons.

She was going to hurt him.

And she didn’t feel good about any of it.

The defensiveness she had showed to Bobby during their argument, the remnants she had shown to Michael, were gone. And all that was left was her, defeated, guilt stricken and sad.

Bobby opened the door, and she realised that the defensiveness that had left her had travelled into him. She could see the anger, and the hurt still simmering. She wanted to ease his pain, was overwhelmed by the need to soothe him.

He stepped back to let her in wordlessly, stuffing his hands in his pockets as she closed the door behind her.

“I’m sorry,” she said and he raised his eyebrows.

“I was out of line the other night and I hurt you. If I am ashamed of anything, it’s of myself. Not you. Never you,” she said, her voice shaking and his look of hurt turned to concern.

“Athena…” he began but she held up a hand.

“You were right, you shouldn’t have to be satisfied with stolen kisses and take out containers. You deserve more,” she said in a rush, “You deserve more than me.”

His face fell and he shook his head, comprehending what she was here to do, “Athena, please, we just need to talk about it.”

She took a step back as he reached for her, “This last four months have been heaven Bobby. I didn’t lie to you when I told you that I loved you. I did. I do. But I’m not ready for this. And that’s not fair to you.”

“I’m not asking for your hand in marriage Athena, we can take this as slow as you want,” he said reasonably.

“I know. But I’m not ready. I’m still healing. While you’re ready to go out in the world, I find I have the need to hide a bit longer.”

“I’ll wait,” he said with conviction and her heart broke.

“I don’t want you too, I want you to live your life, free from a woman who can’t love you like you deserve.”

He must have seen it in her face, her determination that her mind was made up because he stepped back and took a breath.

“Okay,” he said quietly.

“Okay?” she queried.

“We said we’d give this a go but if it didn’t work for either of us, we’d be honest and let go before either of us got hurt,” he said.

“I have hurt you though Bobby, and I am sorry for that,” she said in a whisper.

“I forgive you,” he said with a sad smile, “Having you in my life, in whatever way that looks like means more to me than anything else.”

She nodded, they’d agreed when they started dating that their friendship would always come first.

“These months with you Athena, they did teach me to start living again. I do thank you for that,” he said, his voice full of emotion and Athena couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. She felt her resolve start to break, it wouldn’t take much, a few steps and she’d be in his arms. All would be forgiven she knew. But she couldn’t, it wouldn’t be fair to this wonderful, gentle man.

She finally nodded, breaking the eye contact and turning to open the door. Before she walked through she stopped, “I do love you Bobby Nash, I think I always will,” and with that she walked out the door.

-9-1-1-

It took her a few weeks to go back to the firehouse, queries from Hen went either unanswered or brushed aside with excuses.

They’d seen each other, obviously, she was not that lucky to have a reprieve from seeing the man she had dumped and her ratio of bumping in to the 118 on calls seemed to increase along with her level of heartbreak.

Bobby had been professional and friendly, like he always had been and she had tried to do the same. It had been exhausting. Hen knew her well enough to know that something was up and tried to probe, but she had blamed the divorce and single parenthood for her morose air.

The irony was her and Michael were co-parenting beautifully. And the kids were so much happier.

It was only Athena that was miserable.

Athena, who had brought it all upon herself.

It was a text from Bobby that had finally broken the deadlock.

Hen’s starting to ask questions. You did promise we’d still be friends. Lasagne for pasta Thursday.

And so she went.

It had been a warm welcome, Bobby smiling as if there had never been anything between them apart from being professional comrades. Hen with a hug, Chimney with a cheer and even Buck gave her a surprised but delightful smile while he introduced her properly to the new probie, Eddie.

Once the initial awkwardness had been overcome, she’d relaxed into the familiar banter. She got the lowdown on the 118’s heroics during the earthquake, while she spoke about her own experiences. There had been a moment of wistfulness as she’d caught Bobby’s eye. She’d been worried about him all shift that fateful day, finally giving in on her urge to check in on him after putting Harry to bed. They’d shared ‘home safe’ messages and that had been that. Athena had gone to bed that night with a heart full of love for her kids and her ex husband along with gratefulness that everyone she loved was safe. But there was still a great big gaping hole where Bobby’s absence from her life had settled.

After dinner had finished, Athena had offered to help clean up, the rest of the 118 moving away from the kitchen, leaving Athena alone with Bobby for the first time since she’d broken up with him. Their hands meeting as she handed him a dish and it took her a moment to regain her equilibrium. Thankfully for Athena, Bobby, ever dependable Bobby, was her saviour.

“I heard a promotion was on the cards,” Bobby began nonchalantly, as if Athena wasn’t standing there frozen in tension.

“Word gets around fast,” Athena replied sending a glare to Henrietta that her friend ignored pretending to be focused on Buck’s computer game.

Bobby laughed lightly as he motioned for the next plate and she gave it to him with a roll of her eyes.

“You figured out how to tell Elaine you’re turning it down?”

“How do you know I’m turning it down, everyone else has already assumed I’m taking it? I’d be crazy not to.”

Bobby shrugged, “I don’t think it’s crazy to be happy with what you have. To feel satisfied it’s enough. Is it enough?”

She pondered for a moment, “I like being out there, seeing what’s really going on in the world, doing my job, helping where I can. Do you know what I mean?”

Bobby smiled at her, “Hey you’re talking to the guy who became a firefighter because I didn’t want to be behind a desk. Here with my team, in the engine, in this firehouse is where I want to be for as long as they’ll let me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” she said with a smile.

“No there’s not,” he replied meaningfully, and she held his gaze for a moment. God, she missed him. Missed these moments. With this man who understood her like no other. It was Bobby she wanted to speak to when Elaine had first mentioned the promotion. Bobby who she knew would understand how she was feeling when no one else seemed to. Even Hen couldn’t understand why she was hesitating over it.

She opened her mouth to say something, anything but fate was not on their side and before she knew it her radio had chirped and she was off on another call. Every step taking her from where she wanted to be.

She turned down the promotion the next day. Bobby’s voice in her ear. She shot off a quick text to him.

Still a Sergeant. Thanks for listening.

It had taken a while for one to come back and when it did it was short and to the point.

Anytime.

She tried not to feel a little stung he hadn’t said more or continued their conversation. He was probably busy. On shift. At home. Out with friends.

Out with special friends.

She frowned at the thought. The intrusive thought that one day she would get that fateful information that Bobby was dating someone else.

She was a damn fool.

-9-1-1-

It was only a couple weeks later when she found herself at Bobby’s door again. Debating whether to knock. It really wasn’t her place but the look on his face as he had stood on that ledge had frightened her. She knew he’d been high on LSD but he seemed totally ready to jump off to join his dead family. It had scared the shit out of her.

She’d stayed and helped Chimney as the 118 had detoxed, had seen the look on Bobby’s face during his comedown and his realisation that his sobriety had been forcibly broken and that had kept her awake all night. She’d tried to distract herself the following day with chores until she gave up and drove to Bobby’s apartment to check on him. She could have sent him a text but given he’d become monosyllabic over text recently, she suspected she wouldn’t get much out of him.

He opened the door, his eyes widening as he did so, “Athena? What are you doing here?”

She suddenly felt like an idiot, “How was the chief?” she managed to ground out.

He shrugged as he motioned for her to come in, “Better than expected given a whole bunch of firefighters were dosed with LSD.”

“It was the brownies?”

“It was the brownies,” he said with a sigh as he scrubbed a hand over his face, “A prank.”

“Yeah because dosing a bunch of firefighters is funny, I don’t get the punchline,” Athena said, her anger at what had been done to him simmering.

“It gets better, I’m waiting for Taylor’s special report to come out, ‘Captain breaks sobriety at News at Eleven,” he said bitterly.

“You didn’t break your sobriety Bobby, you were pushed,” she said gently. “And the camera doesn’t lie, they’ll see what we all see. A good man, who has had some tough times, and still goes out there to risk everything to help others. They’ll see what I- what we all see. A hero.”

“Athena, I’m an alcoholic and drug addict with barely a day’s sobriety under my belt, I don’t feel like a hero, I feel like a failure.”

“You were pushed off of that wagon, Bobby,” Athena reasoned.

“That’s not why I feel a failure. I feel like a failure because I want to get high again. It felt good, it made me feel free…it…” he broke off, “You don’t need to hear this.”

“I want to. I’m still your friend Bobby, I’m here,” she said, tears swimming in her eyes.

“I just don’t know how long I can keep carrying this pain,” Bobby admitted.

“You don’t have to keep carrying it alone. We’re all here. All of us,” she said with feeling and Bobby nodded. She was desperate to reach out to him but kept her hands to herself. He had enough to deal with without her mixed messages. She could be his friend and sit with him as he faced his demons. It was the least she could do.

She distracted him with talk of May’s homecoming, before realising she may have put her foot in it given it had been Brooke’s birthday the day before but Bobby seemed genuinely interested. She nearly invited him to come and see the festivities for himself before stopping. Maybe a step too far.

He’d thanked her though for coming to check on him, sending her home to her kids with freshly baked apple pie and she felt lighter than she had in days. She’d smiled in relief when he’d texted her the next day to tell her that he and Chimney had found the source of the dosed brownies, and tried not to feel disappointed he hadn’t reached out to her with his suspicions.

And when she saw him on her television, the blink and you’ll miss it clip, she’d felt pride and so much love for this strong, beautiful man, who had her in awe each day at his strength and fortitude.

“Isn’t that Hen’s Captain?” Michael had asked, a knowing look on his face.

She could barely nod and he took her hand, “Seems like a good guy.”

“Yeah. He is,” she said, her voice breaking and he pulled her to him in a hug.

“Athena,” Michael began, his voice serious.

“I know. I just don’t know how to fix it,” she whispered against her ex husband’s chest.

“Do it soon,” he said, an element of warning in his voice.

And he’d been right.

If only she’d listened.

Chapter Text

Michael’s words of warning had reverberated around her head.

She hadn’t felt anymore ready for a relationship than she had when she had broken up with Bobby. She was still scared of failure, of opening herself up to hurt and pain. She’d put her kids through it before, she really didn’t want to risk doing it again. Her mother’s voice screaming disappointment at her life choices.

The problem was, doing nothing wasn’t really making her feel all that much better. When she’d been with Bobby she had been scared, yes. But she’d also been happy. Deliriously happy.

She wasn’t now.

Now she felt alone, and sad and regretful.

And it wasn’t that she was incapable of being on her own. She proved that in the years between Emmett and Michael. She proved that when she had told Aaron she hadn’t wanted anything serious.

She hadn’t.

Not with him.

But Bobby?

Bobby was different. She could recognise that. Bobby who had made her feel seen and alive. Had made her feel desirable in a way she had never felt before.

Sex with Aaron had been hot and fun and different. But with Bobby it was all that and more. They’d laughed a lot during sex, she trusted him completely to just let go and be herself. Be vulnerable. There were times it had been so tender she had wept, times when she had climaxed while laughing, times when he’d stolen her breath with his intensity and times when he’d wrecked her completely as he’d taken her so hard her whole body wouldn’t function for a good while afterwards. There had been nights when he’d literally ensured she wouldn’t walk straight the next day.

They’d talked, about everything and nothing. For two, on the outside, very different people they had a lot in common. They understood each other. Even if Bobby didn’t know about Emmett, he saw her pain and soothed it as she did his. They both epitomised the best of being first responders. Their identities wrapped up in their chosen profession and yet, equally, both were so much more than the sum of their uniforms.

He was a partner in every sense of the word, at least he had the potential to be. And that terrified her. Because she would turn her life upside down for this man. And her fear wasn’t that he wouldn’t deserve it but whether she deserved him.

That she would be enough.

She still wasn’t sure.

But she couldn’t continue as she was.

She needed to speak to him.

---9-1-1---

She’d decided against going to his apartment. She didn’t want to ambush him and perhaps she was a little afraid of him turning her away. So she decided to go for neutral ground of a sort and made her way to the firehouse on her day off. The helpful excuse of returning Denny’s switch game that he had lent to Harry.

When she arrived she’d been amused to find the firehouse covered in pumpkins, including an unnecessary amount painted to resemble ghosts.

“What on earth?” she had asked Hen as they climbed the steps to the kitchen.

Hen chuckled, “Cap. We had a call the other day and Buck is convinced a ghost called 911. Cap has put these all around the firehouse to freak him out.”

Athena laughed, winding Buck up was everyone’s favourite pastime.

They’d found the rest of the 118 lounging on the sofa, Bobby reading, Buck and Eddie playing a video game and Chimney commentating.

Bobby looked up and smiled at her. Her heart flipped over.

“Hi Sergeant,” he said closing his book, “To what do we owe the pleasure of an off duty visit?

“Denny was desperate for his video game back,” Athena said with a smile, earning a confused look from Hen.

“Coffee is in the pot, you’re welcome to join us if you can stand the sight of two grown men battling over a computer game.”

“I’ll get it,” Hen said and Athena took a seat opposite Bobby.

“It seems qu—”

“NO!” shouted Buck.

Athena turned her patented Sergeant Grant stare of disapproval at his outburst.

“We do not say the Q word. Ever,” Chimney explained.

“Oh come on,” Athena said rolling her eyes, “Do not tell me you subscribe to this too?” she asked Hen as she handed her a coffee.

“I do. It’s real. Curses are real,” Hen said seriously and Athena scoffed.

“Curses are about as real as ghosts,” she said sending mischievous look over at Buck.

“You say that Athena, but there is no other explanation for how we found those bones,” Buck said soberly.

As they explained what had happened, Athena made a note to give the detective in charge a call. See what she could find out.

“What are you getting all detective about, this isn’t your beat?” Bobby said with a smile.

“I’m a field sergeant,” she replied primly, “I go where I want.”

Bobby laughed and Athena grinned back, their ease of interaction reminding her of how it was between them before. Before she’d made a holy mess of things. As she wondered how she was going to get Bobby alone she watched as his phone buzzed and he snatched it up, out of the way of Chimney’s prying eyes.

Amused at the antics she asked what was so secret, and Chimney’s grin and Bobby’s stone face told her, whatever the answer was she wasn’t going to like it.

“Cap has a sweetheart,” Chimney said.

“Chim,” Bobby said with warning.

“What?! Athena is part of the secret fire house club. Special membership,” he said with a wink and she tried to return his smile but feared it was more of a grimace.

“The nurse who treated the woman who tried to poison us with LSD asked Bobby out,” Buck announced.

“They’ve had ‘coffee’,” Eddie interjected putting air quotes around coffee. Athena felt sick.

“Enough,” Bobby said, his tone broking no argument, “I’ve told you, she’s just a friend and I don’t appreciate you making out it’s anything more than that.” He got up and made his excuses about paperwork and disappeared down the stairs to his office.

Athena tried to get her breathing under regulation.

“Eek,” Buck said, “He’s still being really weird about it. But they’re definitely not just friends. Maddie saw them kissing in the park near the hospital.”

“Perhaps it’s early days,” Athena murmured trying to calibrate everything that just happened and studiously avoiding Hen’s perceptive eye.

“You should go and apologise for outing him Chim,” Hen said.

“I’ll go,” Athena said, surprising herself, “Tell him he doesn’t need to be embarrassed around me.”

And with that, her legs like lead, she made her way to Bobby’s office tapping lightly at his door.

She entered with a soft, sympathetic smile, “You okay?”

He looked up, his face still tinged with his blush, “They really did land me with the nosiest team in the world.”

“They’re just excited for you,” she said simply, “They didn’t mean any harm.”

“I know,” he said with a small smile and then looked at her, his expression hesitant, “I meant to speak to you about it…”

She held up a hand, “You don’t need to, it’s frankly none of my business, I just wanted to make sure you are okay.”

He shrugged, “It’s just…you know,” he gestured between them, “A bit awkward.”

She nodded, “You like her?”

He stared at her, “Yeah,” he said simply.

“Then that’s all any of us need to know,” she replied. Amazed at herself for holding her voice so steady.

“I want you to be happy Bobby,” she said honestly and turned to leave.

“That’s all I want for you,” Bobby replied and she took one final look at him.

“Work in progress,” she managed to force out, her lip starting to tremble and she rushed out the door and out of the firehouse to her truck. Promising herself that when she got home, then she would break, but not before.

Hen visited her a few days later, getting the low down on Athena’s investigation into the bones case and her motivation for trying to solve it as well her motivation for becoming a cop in the first place.

“I’ve been worried about you,” Hen said gently after Athena’s story had come to an end. Athena’s head had been back in the orange trees of Florida in the late 1970s and it took her a minute to respond.

Athena scoffed, “Me?! Why?”

Hen looked awkward, “Do you know I had a bet with the boys about Bobby over the summer?”

“Bobby?” Athena’s ears pricked up, “Hasn’t he proven he’s staying where he is by now?” she asked assuming Hen was talking about the book Hen had been running when Bobby first joined.

“No, not that bet,” Hen said shaking her head, her expression sympathetic and also slightly apprehensive.

“A bet about him and you,” Hen admitted.

Athena felt her face drop. Her thoughts racing, her first reaction was to deny everything, play it off as some joke but she knew. Knew Hen knew. And knew she was in no fit state to hide anything from her best friend. And she wasn’t sure she wanted too. She’d carried her heartache over Bobby alone for months. She couldn’t discuss it in detail with Michael, it was normally something she would share with Hen. But she hadn’t wanted to burden her with it, put her in the middle of a failed relationship between her friend and her boss.

She was tired of running from it.

“We were seeing each other,” Athena blurted out and she wasn’t sure who was more shocked at her opening up. Hen or herself.

“Were?” Hen asked when she had recovered.

“From about May to September,” Athena admitted.

Hen stared at her for a moment and then nodded slowly.

“You stopped coming by the firehouse for a few weeks,” Hen stated, cogs obviously whirring.

Athena nodded sadly.

“Athena…what happened?”

“Me,” she said simply, “I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

She shared then, everything from their first date, their secret affair, stolen kisses behind the fire engine, to their argument about going public and their heartbreaking break-up. When she finally finished she realised that she had tears falling down her cheeks and Hen’s expression was enough to break her in two.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Athena looked at her knowingly, “We broke up because I didn’t want to tell anybody.”

“I’m not just anybody,” Hen said reasonably.

“I didn’t want to put you in the middle of something that was over,” Athena whispered, “How did you know?”

“You were both so happy. And then you both weren’t. Didn’t take a lot of detective work,” Hen grimaced.

“But I wasn’t absolutely certain until I saw your face when they mentioned Elizabeth,” Hen said gently.

“That’s her name?” Athena asked and Hen nodded.

“The look on your face Athena, that wasn’t the look of a casual affair not working out. You looked heartbroken.”

Athena shrugged, “If I am, I only have myself to blame.”

“Tell him,” Hen urged, “It’s not serious with this nurse, honestly.”

Athena shook her head, “I have messed that man around enough, I’m what suddenly going to rock up and declare my undying love just after I find out he’s dating someone else. What’s that going to look like?”

“It’ll look like the truth,” Hen said.

“I’ll look like an idiot,” Athena countered, “It’s done. I screwed up and I’m paying the price. He deserves to be happy with someone who knows his worth and doesn’t come with the emotional baggage that I have. Someone who knows what they want. Someone who deserves him.”

“You deserve to be happy too,” Hen argued.

“And I will. Eventually. Just not today. And not for a while. But I will be.”

Hen had continued to make her case and Athena just as steadfastly refused to budge. They’d both finally agreed to agree to disagree before Hen made her way home, leaving Athena solitary in her house, the kids with Michael and her alone.

She could admit to herself that Bobby moving on had wounded her deeply. If her heart had been broken before, it was now shattered. The only thing keeping her upright was that she loved him enough to want him to be happy.

And if that was this Elizabeth, then that was that.

But God.

Regret really was a bitch.

---9-1-1---

To Bobby’s credit, he hadn’t thrown Elizabeth in Athena’s face. By the time Thanksgiving had come around she’d managed to avoid most conversations about the nurse. She knew Bobby was still seeing her but she hadn’t met her. The boys had stopped teasing their Captain about it, she wondered if Hen had had a word about doing it in front of her but dismissed it quickly. It was more likely Bobby had asked them to leave it be and they had.

Only a few days before Thanksgiving Bobby had wandered up to her while his team were finishing up a scene on the highway.

Athena had marvelled at the efforts of the 118, when she had first arrived on scene and saw the car wrapped around that tree she didn’t think anyone would be getting out it.

“Tow trucks?” she asked, marvel in her tone, “What made you come up with that?”

“What man has put together, let no man put asunder,” Bobby replied with a small smile.

“The wedding vows,” Athena smiled, “Well that was some diving inspiration.”

“Even the big guy is a sucker for a love story,” Bobby said with a smile, their eyes meeting in a charged moment before Athena darted hers away.

Was he thinking about making things with Elizabeth official already? Surely not.

“Hey,” Bobby cleared his throat, probably to clear the awkwardness, “We’re having some food for thanksgiving, God knows if the shift will allow us to eat it but you’d be welcome to join us.”

Athena had put in for a shift over the holidays given that the kids would be with their father’s family. They’d invited Athena but she’d politely declined. Glen was going to be there and as nice as the guy was she wasn’t really interested in spending time with her ex husband all loved up with his new partner. She’d told Bobby about the planned dinner to meet him finally and he’d jokingly offered to be there to make up the numbers. She knew she had a problem when she nearly took him up on his offer.

She shrugged, “If the calls allow, I’ll pop in.”

Bobby grinned at her, pleased, “Great, I’ll save a seat for you.”

Despite her heartbreak these moments with Bobby still managed to melt her heart. She knew she should be grateful he was still in her life, still her friend. It was better than the alternative, but sometimes it was also like having her heart cut out with a spoon.

A few days later she found herself entering the firehouse only to find a beautiful blonde woman hanging awkwardly around the fire engine, with what looked like a cake in her hand.

“Can I help you?” she asked kindly, slightly amused at the woman’s obvious discomfort.

“Yeah, I just wanted to drop this off for Captain Nash but I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to be in here?”

“In the station?” Athena asked with a smile.

“Oh god, do I sound ridiculous, I just wasn’t sure if I was meant to ring a bell or something?”

“I can take you to him, you made a cake for the team ?” Athena asked, wondering if she should break it to her that following the LSD incident the firefighters no longer partook of any baked goods provided by members of the public.

“I was meant to drop it off at his apartment last night but my shift went long and well, you know how that goes,” she said nodding to her uniform.

It was then Athena realised who it was she was speaking to. This was Bobby’s girlfriend. Dropping off a cake he had asked her to make for his team. Bringing her in to the 118.

It was at that point Bobby rounded the corner, his eyes lighting up at Athena’s presence, “Hey, you came,” he said before obviously noting Elizabeth’s presence. He stopped dead, his eyes flicking from one to the other.

Elizabeth had obviously assumed his words were meant for her, “I promised I would bring it, this kind officer was showing me the way.”

She smiled at Athena and Athena tried like hell to paint a similar kind smile on her face.

“I’m Elizabeth Betts,” the woman said holding out her hand as she balanced the cake with the other.

“Athena Grant,” she replied, shaking the woman’s hand. It, of course, wasn’t her fault the very act made Athena want to vomit.

She had to get out of there.

“Well that’s my good deed done for the day, you guys have a good meal,” she said in a rush.

Bobby frowned, “You’re not staying?”

“I can’t, I just popped in to say thanks for the invite but the Captain has got me tracking something down for her so I can’t stop. I didn’t want to just not turn up.”

She smiled at Elizabeth, “It was nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“You have?” Elizabeth smiled in confusion.

“All good, I promise,” Athena assured. “Give my best to the gang and tell Hen I’ll speak to her later.”

“Athena,” Bobby began but thankfully at that point her radio chirped and she thanked the dispatch gods for their timely intervention. Throwing a ‘happy thanksgiving’ over her shoulder as she made her way back to her patrol car and away from the scene of her heartbreak.

She’d limited her visits to the firehouse for a while after that, embarrassed by how she had run out of there. She’d seen Bobby on calls too but they had not had any time for personal conversation, Athena made sure of it. She got the feeling he wanted to speak to her but she couldn’t bring herself to let him. She didn’t want to discuss meeting his girlfriend or the fact that whatever Hen had claimed, that it was obviously getting serious.

She knew burying her head in the sand wasn’t healthy but for the moment it was the only way she could get through each day.

She knew it couldn’t last.

Hen had cornered her after drinks one evening, looking back she knew it had been a deliberate ploy to get her at her weakest.

“You’re having Christmas lunch at mine,” Hen demanded, ignoring her protestations. “I’ve already spoken to Michael, he and Glen are up for it. It will be nice for Denny to have other kids around with May and Harry. Buck’s coming too.”

Athena had squinted at Hen, “And Bobby?”

Hen stared her down, “Not yet committed either way but that wouldn’t stop you from spending Christmas with your best friend and your family would it?”

She let her forehead bang to the table.

She was screwed.

---9-1-1---

Feeling overwhelmed she tried to surreptitiously move away from the Christmas festivities the Wilson’s were hosting and out to the back yard. Trying to catch her breath from the sob threatening to find its way out.

She wondered how she could make her excuses to leave. Her kids were here, her ex and his partner were here. A migraine. Michael wouldn’t even question it, neither would Hen, nor Bobby for that matter.

She could disappear home and spend the rest of Christmas Day under her duvet, shutting out the world and her self-inflicted heartbreak.

“You okay?”

She knew it would be a mistake. Knew she was only setting herself up for more heartbreak.

She turned around, unable to keep the grief off her face.

“Athena,” Bobby said reaching for her but she took a step back.

“Sorry, it’s just all bit much today, and it’s Christmas, and my ex husband is in there loved up with his new partner and my ex boyfriend is doing the same with his new partner and I stepped outside just so I could give myself the Christmas present of letting my guard down for a few minutes. I’ll be fine in a moment. Go inside.”

“No,” Bobby said. His voice stern.

“Excuse me,” she replied, hackles rising. She may have been heartbroken but she was still Athena fucking Grant.

“You’re upset. I’m not leaving you. We’re going to talk about it, like we should have done months ago.”

She looked at him like he’d grown two heads, “You think now is the time to talk about our failed relationship?”

He took a step towards her, “No I think it’s time we talked about how you regret breaking up with me.”

The audacity of the man.

“You trying to humiliate me?” she asked, her anger rising.

He took another step, close to being in her personal space at this point.

He shook his head solemnly, “Never.”

“Well it sure feels like it,” she huffed, trying to evade his eyes.

“Ask me, Athena?” he said gently, his hand coming up to stroke her cheek. What the hell was he doing, Elizabeth was only just inside.

“Ask you what?” she managed to whisper, the feel of his hand on hers a balm to her frayed nerves, despite the ridiculousness and inappropriateness of the situation.

“Ask me to be yours,” he whispered, his face coming towards hers. She responded at first, her face tilting up to meet his before she wrenched herself away putting some space between them.

“What the hell are you doing?! Your girlfriend is right there!”

Bobby smirked, “If you’re talking about Elizabeth she’s not my girlfriend. We went on a handful of dates, where we did no more than hold hands briefly as I helped her into her car.”

“But Maddie….” Athena sputtered, her mind whirling.

“Maddie saw Elizabeth give me a kiss on the cheek after we both admitted that we couldn’t be anything more than friends.”

“But thanksgiving…the cake!”

“Yeah, her sister has a bakery, I couldn’t get away from a shift to pick up the cake so her sister asked Elizabeth to drop it off.”

Athena looked at him in amazement, “She’s here with you on Christmas Day?!”

Bobby smiled and shrugged, “We may not be dating but she has become a good friend. Her husband died a few years ago, Christmas is a difficult holiday for her. She normally works but her shift doesn’t start until later, I suggested she come for drinks as a distraction before going to work. She’s left now.”

“I thought…” Athena began and trailed off.

“You thought wrong, which you would have known if you had just asked me or been honest with me about how you felt,” Bobby said.

“You seemed happy, I didn’t want to ruin it,” Athena admitted.

“If I seemed happy it was because you were in front of me. Regardless of the status of our relationship being in your orbit makes me happy, haven’t you realised that yet?”

She took a breath.

“I thought you moved on,” she whispered.

“Never,” he said with conviction, “How could I? Athena when you broke up with me you told me that you would never stop loving me. When you thought I was dating Elizabeth your mouth told me that you wanted me to be happy but your eyes told me you were devastated. When you ran out of the firehouse at thanksgiving though, that was when I knew for sure.”

“Knew what?”

He took a step towards her, “Knew that you were still mine.”

His lips descended on hers, chilled from the cold December air but Athena felt as if she was on fire. As if she was coming alive again, rising from the dead ashes of her heartbreak, renewed.

She met his passion with fervour of her own, poured herself into the kiss, every moment of heartbreak, every regret. And as she did so he responded, turning her grief into hope, her pain into ecstasy.

When they finally parted for air, both of them breathing heavily, Athena stared into the eyes of the man she had fallen hopelessly in love with.

“I’ve been an idiot,” she admitted.

He smirked, “Well…”

She whacked him, “You’re meant to soothe me and tell me that I haven’t been an idiot.”

“You have been an idiot. But you’re my idiot. And I’ve been an idiot too. I thought I would give you space and when things between us seemed a bit more settled, when you started coming round the firehouse again, you seemed so okay with everything I thought you had moved on.”

“Is that why you went out with Elizabeth?”

Bobby nodded, “From the first date I knew, but she was nice, and easy to talk to, and I felt a little less lonely.”

“I thought you’d fallen for her,” Athena admitted.

“I’d already given my heart away, I was just waiting for you to realise that,” Bobby said.

“I think I knew straight away, but after the whole dosing thing, that was when I knew I had messed up. I regretted everything.”

Bobby smiled and kissed her again, gently this time.

“I don’t want to regret anything with you ever again,” Athena stated, her voice shaking with emotion.

“Then don’t,” Bobby said simply.

She kissed him, hard, before pulling slightly away to look in his eyes, “I love you Bobby Nash.”

“I love you too,” he smiled.

“I know we’ve got a lot to talk about but after lunch the kids are going to Michael’s Mom’s house. What do you say to coming back to mine, a little hot chocolate and Nat King Cole and make an evening of it?”

“I think that sounds perfect,” Bobby admitted, his dimples showing.

“When you two have quite finished, lunch is served,” Hen said from the patio door, grinning stupidly at them both.

Athena smiled back at her friend, albeit with a roll of her eye.

She grinned, “I’ll never be finished with this man.”

Bobby grinned back and kissed her again.

She was whole. Complete.

And fresh out of regrets.