Chapter Text
Song referenced: https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=-9JbTrL3gq0&si=9R46ksiMmUsLaf9H
[Black Hole Fantasy by The Crane Wives]
Winston is reluctant to face Brendan when he hears he's coming home in a few months.
He tries to ignore it, doubting that Brendan even remembers him, especially with his new appearance (long haired Winston yuhhh). But despite that, he can't stop thinking about him, and in extension how happy both of them could be together. (Which would be the black hole in the song)
It's all he can think about, and he starts to lose track of time. Days turn into weeks blur into months. Soon he only has a few weeks left before Brendan's supposed arrival. He wants to reach out, knock on that door, but he leaves that car running. What if Brendan found someone else? What if Brendan wants to only be friends; maybe Brendan has forgotten Winston's face? It's too much for him to handle, and he backs away from the door.
Winston peers over the edge of the black hole, studying it, what it contains. It contains happiness, he realizes. It's what he really wants. All he needs to do is jump.
So he does. The day Brendan comes back, he's the first to the airport, awake before anyone else (even Warner). He's wearing his best clothes and carrying the photo album of all the polaroids they took together and the sketchbook they shared. He makes it to the baggage claim and he sees him. Brendan.
Barely nothing has changed. His hair is the same snowy white. His skin, unblemished with the exception of a few bandaids here and there. His eyes, the same crystal blue that stunned Winston the day they met. His smile, still as bright as ever. The only major difference is the cluttered outfit with so many keychains that he's practically a wind chime.
But that changes nothing to Winston.
He runs up to Brendan, who turns around at the last second to catch him in his arms. He steps back to let him get a good look at him, and he laughs. They laugh. Their knees buckle while the rest of the friend group gathers around them, Kenji mocking them playfully. They help Brendan get his bags and bring them back to HQ. During the ride back, Winston takes out the photo album, the two of them browsing through all of their memories.
After all of the pleasantries, celebrations, meeting Brendan's old friends and family from Britain and such. Winston finds himself back in their room. The same room where Brendan was packing to leave and Winston pleaded for him to stay.
Brendan steps out of the bathroom in his pajamas, stretching before collapsing onto his bed from pure exhaustion. Winston lays next to him, cracking his knuckles subconsciously. Nervously.
"Brendan, can I... Can I talk to you about something?"
Brendan sighs, rubbing his face. "Is there a way we can save this for tomorrow?-"
"No, not this. This is too important for me and possibly for you."
"Crikey, alright. What's going on?”
*Deep breaths, Winston.*
"Whenever we received the message that you'd be coming home, I ignored it. I thought that you being home after all these years would be an issue, like a dog you fed years ago coming back, expecting the same treats, but you now barely have enough food for yourself. I thought you'd be a leech for me, distracting me from what was important and what society needed in the moment like new infrastructure or, or something else.
"But everything I worried about was you. How you'd react to me, how you'd think of me, everything. If you had new friends... If you had a new partner."
Brendan shifts uneasily in bed, realizing the mental damage he's caused. He wants to speak, but Winston continues.
"Although these thoughts plagued me, it wouldn't do me any favors to not analyze them, to not think realistically. Even if so much had changed, would you hate me? No, I knew you wouldn't, but the things in the back of my mind kept saying 'Yes, he hates you. You restricted him, his freedom, his self. You're an anchor, and you hold people back.’
"So I kept quiet. I let those thoughts marinate in my mind, not knowing the depression they'd drag me into."
Winston slowly unwraps his bandages on his hands. He told everyone it was a fashion choice, but they were hiding his scars all along. Brendan takes his wrist, examines it. He rolls over, his brows furrowed in disgust of his own neglect. *How could I have done this? How could I have let this happen?* Winston carries on.
"Even through all of that, I confronted them. My worries and my doubts. Fears and judgements. I looked past them, and I saw happiness. Acceptance.
"What if he had new friends? What if he had a partner? What if I was a ghost, a skeleton in his closet? As long as he's happy, I am. And if he's happier without me... So be it.
"I've thought of all the possibilities and all the reactions you could have. Over the last few weeks I've addressed every outcome in my mind. And now, I just have to ask.
"Do you still love me?”
The silence in the room is palpable. Unknown thoughts rush in and out of their minds, trying to think of an answer and waiting for a response.
Brendan scoots closer to Winston, close enough for him to feel his breath. The small light from the desk lamp allows Winston to see, but he doesn't want to turn to meet Brendan's eyes.
Brendan takes Winston's hand, interlocking his fingers with his. Winston makes a sound, a sigh of relief? A gasp of panic? Brendan doesn't know, not yet. But he continues.
He pushes back the long hair that Winston has grown and maintained over the years. He leans in, thinking if he should do this or not, before he plants a kiss right behind his ear.
Winston's eyes widen. He turns over to face Brendan, touching the spot where his lips just grazed. "W-what?"
"I love you, Winston. I have always loved you. I would've never left if I knew what you would do to yourself. I would've stayed." Brendan wraps his arms around Winston, his voice cracking.
Tears roll down his eyes, drying themselves on Winston's shirt. They pull closer to each other, Winston combing his fingers through Brendan's hair.
"I missed you so much. I always thought about you, everywhere I went. I never stopped wishing that you were with me, knowing that you'd love every second of being outside and free." Brendan looks up into Winston's eyes. "I love you, so, so much.”
[And then they fucked HAHAHAHAHAHA]