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Randy wasn't sure how he got here. He blacked out. Everything was just too much and now he messed up… oh god how is he gonna fix this?
He's in the bathroom of the stupid cheap motel he and Benson were staying in this time. His arm had red lines, bleeding a bit, but not too deep to have blood streaming down his arm. He felt so pathetic. Pathetic to not be able to calm down, pathetic to not want to leave Benson, pathetic to not even go that deep when this happens. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.
“Randy, I'm coming in myself if you don't open this door!” Benson says from outside, sounding mad.
Randy panics, “fuck fuck fuck what do i do oh god,” he doesn't say out loud. He does manage to stutter out a whisper, “Benson?”
And Benson hears it, he always does. “What Randy?” Benson doesn't get a verbal answer, but he hears the door key being turned, unlocking the bathroom door. “Can I come in, baby?”
The soft spoken “yeah…” was all Benson needed to finally open the door and check on his boyfriend. Randy could see Benson's face go from mad to surprised to worried. or pity. Randy isn't sure he could ever tell the difference.
“Oh.” Benson said before looking Randy in the eyes, seeing him look back with the look of a deer in the headlights of a car. “Yeah okay, okay.” He said while looking for a first aid kid under the sink of the bathroom. Randy swallowed hard, not saying a word. He takes out a tiny box with first aid stuff and questions what to do.
“Can I take care of ‘em, Ran? Please?” Benson asks carefully, not wanting to make it worse. Randy breathes in shakily before nodding, avoiding eye contact completely. Benson took some of the toilet paper and pressed it onto Randy’s arm, careful to put enough pressure to stop the bleeding but not enough to hurt him. He discards the bloody toilet paper somewhere on the floor and takes out a bandage from the first aid kit, wrapping it around his arm.
“There we go sweetheart,” Benson says and gives Randy a kiss to his forehead. Benson knew to be kind to Randy in vulnerable moments like this, so he tried not to get mad at him for not talking about what's wrong before this happened. He carefully asks, “Ya wanna cuddle? We have a big comfy bed tonight.”
Randy nods again, “Wanna cuddle.” he verbally affirms. They slowly walk back over to the bed and Benson sits down, waiting for Randy to follow.
“Can I hold you tonight, baby?” Benson asks carefully. Randy hesitates, thinking he doesn't deserve it. But Benson wants it and he wants to give Benson everything he wants.
“Yeah, you can.” Come out in almost a sob. Benson takes Randy into his arms and lies down with him, holding him safe in his chest.
“I'm sorry Benson, I'm so sorry. It was all just too much at once and I- I blacked out I don't know…” Randy attempts to explain himself.
“Shhh, It's okay, Bambi. It's okay.” Benson assures him. Randy is okay. He's with Benson, who would never hurt him on purpose. Randy doesn't have to see anyone who's hurt him before ever again if he doesn't want to. Randy weeps a little, not for the same reason as before but now because he remembers that he is loved right, how he never was before. Benson keeps soothing Randy until the sobbing stops again.
“I love you, Benson. More than anything.”
“I love you too, Randy. More than anything in this whole world.” Benson kisses his forehead, still keeping him safe in his arms from the world outside. Randy has never felt more loved and safe before.