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If you asked anyone what Yoon Seoyeon thought of Hsu Nientzu, they would say she thought the girl was annoying.
It was no secret – Seoyeon herself had said it multiple times. That Nien’s smile was infuriating to look at, that the girl’s laugh was too loud and too obnoxious, and they’d been kicked out the library for squabbling enough times that the librarian would send them a warning scowl whenever the pair would enter together. All in all, everyone knew Seoyeon thought Nien was probably the most annoying person on campus. Even Nien knew.
Yet, that apparent disdain absolutely does nothing to explain Seoyeon’s weird new predicament.
It all begins in that damned literature class. Technically, this class wasn’t part of Seoyeon or Nien’s major, but the pair needed the credits to graduate and both had independently decided that it was the most appealing out of the remaining options. The other two seemed so boring that Nien had dramatically gasped and groaned when she saw them.
So, Seoyeon is sitting in the class, watching as Professor Jungeun Kim announces the partner project, where students will pick one of the many books she covered in her lectures, and analyse how they could be related to the theme of ‘Romanticism’. The catch? She decides people’s pairs for them. There’s a quiet collection of curses as she reads out the pairs.
Seoyeon winds up with Ji Suhyeon – who she learns prefers to go by Jiyeon, and seems kind enough when they speak. Seoyeon vaguely recognises her from the ballet team at the university’s last dance showcase, where she went to go and support her roommate Nakyoung’s own dance crew (where Nien also happened to be a member). A quick conversation let her figure out that Jiyeon was studious and got good grades, so it wasn’t like Seoyeon was upset with the decision in the end.
She glanced across the room, and watched as Nien was paired with one Kamimoto Kotone, a girl Seoyeon recognises as from the same dance crew as Nakyoung, although this was the first time either she or Nien had ever shared a class with her. Kotone is pretty, Seoyeon thinks, with chestnut brown hair and rosy cheeks, and a mischievous smile that makes Nien’s face turn a shade of pink matching her own hair.
She seems nice, Seoyeon thinks, watching as Nien giggles at something Kotone says, and there’s an odd feeling in her stomach. It’s initially small and low, only a slight pang, but it has her furrowing her brows as Nien lightly slaps Kotone’s shoulder. Seoyeon guesses Kotone is funny too.
This fact ends up being confirmed when she and Nien leave the class, and Nien is rambling to Seoyeon, who is only really half-interested. “She’s actually so nice and sweet to me… unlike someone I know.” Nien says with that same shit-eating grin, and Seoyeon scoffs as she elbows the girl’s side.
“Shut up…” she mutters, a traitorous smile on her lips as Nien lets out a faux whimper, rubbing her side in pain.
One would think, based on the alleged nature of Seoyeon’s thoughts, that she and Nien didn’t speak to each other willingly. They’d be half-right, since for the first year the two knew each other, Seoyeon refused to entertain Nien in any capacity. It took her roommate and Nien’s roommate locking the two in a room to hash things out, and thus began their tumultuous friendship built off the back of teasing and relentless bullying.
It was a little surprising how much they bickered. You’d think the ‘mother saint’ of the campus in Seoyeon, always quick to assist freshmen on any of the online support forums, or Nien, everyone’s ‘Vitamin N’ on the university soccer team, would’ve been ‘besties-in-crime’. Yet, Seoyeon can think of all the times the two would throw the nearest objects at each other, much to the chagrin of others. Sometimes they’d start fights purely to annoy the people around them.
Seoyeon had to reluctantly admit, perhaps Nien’s company wasn’t the worse. At the very least, it was nice having a friend in that dreadful class. “Maybe I should text Kotone back, tell her how mean you’re being right now,” she pouts and Seoyeon rolls her eyes, before that same feeling gnaws at her gut again, only stronger. “I should thank the stars above that we’re not paired together.”
Seoyeon scoffs, “Please,” she rolls her eyes, “You know if we were paired together, we’d blow everyone else’s scores out the water.” Nien hummed in agreement, shrugging.
“We’d also end up arguing over what books to cover until like a week before the deadline, lose sleep, consume enough caffeine to kill a horse, and nearly kill each other or ourselves,” Nien says, that stupid grin plastered to her face that Seoyeon wants to wipe off. “Like I said, we should be thankful. We might have an easier time for once.” Seoyeon wants to fire back with a retort, but that same feeling gnaws at her, and she has to furrow her brow. How sick was she? She did think that cookie Nakyoung gave her tasted funny…
Something occurs to her. “Wait, text her?” Nien glances towards her, raising a brow and nodding, like it was obvious.
“Yeah… we exchanged numbers, for the project,” she adds, waving her phone around before letting her hand drop at her side, pulling on the bag on her shoulder. “You have classes with Professor Jeong next, right?” Seoyeon groans, massaging the bridge of her nose as Nien chuckles. “I hear she’s fun.” Seoyeon shakes her head, running a hand through her blonde hair.
“Fun quickly becomes a headache when you’re not in the mood…” she mumbles and Nien has the audacity to laugh at her. There's a warm feeling in her chest, and Seoyeon wonders if it’s part of her mystery diagnosis. The warmth doesn’t feel painful, however, but rather comforting. “Pray for me.” She mutters, and Nien rolls her eyes, giving Seoyeon a light nudge with her elbow.
“Pray on your downfall? Gladly!” She says, far too chipper.
“If I die, you better give me a tear-jerking eulogy.” She half-grumbles as Nien laughs again, but not that obnoxious laugh that made Seoyeon’s heart jump whenever she heard it (from shock, she swears). It was softer, lighter, and Seoyeon felt a weird dizziness come over her. She was definitely researching her symptoms once she got home.
“I will, of course,” she does a small half-bow that has Seoyeon rolling her eyes and chuckling, “I’ll even bring snacks.”
“To my funeral?” Seoyeon wonders and Nien nods, acting like the blonde had just asked an outlandish question.
“I have to,” she says, sounding oddly prim, “People will need sustenance after crying so much.”
There’s a smile threatening to break out onto Seoyeon’s face as she sighs, pulling on the straps of her backpack, but then Nien’s notification sound (which happened to be of herself saying ‘notification!’, because Nien enjoyed pouring ridiculousness into everything she did) goes off, and she stares at her screen, making a quiet hum as she typed back a response.
“Who was that? Xinyu?” Nien’s roommate Xinyu was certainly a character, one that Seoyeon had first met through that intervention Nakyoung had staged, and had since effortlessly merged herself into their shared friend group. It helped that her girlfriend - Sohyun - was already good friends with Seoyeon and Nakyoung.
Nien shook her head, sounding a little surprised herself, “It was Kotone,” she places her phone back into her pocket as Seoyeon raises a brow. “She wants to meet up after her next class to sort out the details of the paper.”
Seoyeon stops in her tracks, and Nien also has to stop walking and turn her body to face an oddly stiff Seoyeon. The blonde blinks. “The deadline’s in two months?” Nien rolls her eyes and lightly punches Seoyeon’s shoulder.
“Not everyone decides to leave things until the last minute, Seoyeon.” There’s a smile on Nien’s lips, and she clearly isn’t feeling the weird wave of negative emotion that comes over Seoyeon unexplainably. There was an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach at seeing Nien defend her partner so quickly.
“I thought we were heading to Sohyun’s tonight for that movie marathon?” Seoyeon’s voice comes out a little quieter than she intended, a little softer too. She berates herself for the weird vulnerability in her voice, chalking it up to her recent lack of sleep, and waits for Nien’s snarky comment about it. It doesn’t come, and Nien’s eyes instead flash with some emotion Seoyeon doesn’t recognise, before they soften. She gives Seoyeon a small smile, and the shorter girl glances away, a sharp squeeze in her chest.
“I’ll come,” she says, voice far too gentle-sounding for someone like Nien, “I’ll bring extra popcorn and drinks for us two, like always.” Seoyeon glances up, and the way Nien mumbles ‘us two’ has her heart squeezing even more. It was a weird habit the two had, sharing an extra bag of popcorn just for themselves. It wasn’t their fault they finished their share of food faster than anyone else.
Seoyeon lightly smacks Nien’s arm, “You better.” Nien laughs again, this time that bright and obnoxious laugh that earns them stares in the corridor. Seoyeon doesn’t find herself making her usual efforts to get her to shut up.
“Relax, Hamham,” she makes an indignant noise over the use of that nickname, making Nien grin, “I’m not letting some pretty girl distract me from my friends.” She retorted with a smirk, and Seoyeon almost winced at the tight pain in her chest from the words ‘pretty girl’.
What the hell is going on with me?!
She needed to visit the campus physician as soon as possible, she could be developing a serious case of heartburn. Before she could communicate it to Nien, she watched the taller girl glance at her phone and gasp, yelling something about her next class as she sprinted off down the corridor, but not before winking at Seoyeon, leaving her dumbfounded.
When Nien waltzed in later that night, Seoyeon felt whatever weird tension was in her body alleviate as Nien sat beside her placing the snacks between them as they watched whatever horror movie someone had put on. Watching horror movies with Nien was always an… interesting experience, as Nien laughed at some of the scares that made Seoyeon jump up in her seat, much to the Taiwanese-Vietnamese girl’s amusement. Still, it wasn’t the fear from the scares that left Seoyeon struggling to drift off to sleep.
She thinks about how Nien had shown up an hour and a half late to their movie night, how after Seoyeon had argued to wait until she showed up to watch the movie, she mumbled some apology about not texting ahead of time. She wonders how much fun her conversations with Kotone were, if they got food or drinks together, if Kotone made Nien laugh and complimented the sound instead of calling it weird like Seoyeon had done when they first met.
She clenches her eyes shut and tries to sleep.
Two and a half weeks later, the problem doesn’t get any easier.
=====
Seoyeon’s odd ailment begins to fade after about a week, when she and Nien wind up busy from their other assignments and have their noses buried in their studies. Nakyoung has to drape a blanket over Seoyeon’s shoulders whenever the younger girl falls asleep, literally collapsing after staying up for so many hours. When she gets around to her literature assignment, Jiyeon is more than happy to come to her dorm to help hash out the details and how they’d distribute their work.
On one occasion, Nakyoung had invited over Lynn from her dance crew, and when Seoyeon left for the bathroom, she came back to Lynn and Jiyeon talking to each other, faces red and both giggling messes. Seoyeon rolls her eyes with a fond smile, and decides she and Jiyeon had done enough work that night, leaving the younger girls to their own devices.
In the end, Nien was right. There are no headaches, no rushing at the last possible minute. Seoyeon appreciates how effectively Jiyeon seems to work despite being a ballerina, and they end up handing in the assignment weeks earlier. Thankfully, Jiyeon also seems to have finally made a move, because whilst Seoyeon was rotting in the library, reviewing a quiz Professor Jeong had them do, Jiyeon was out on a date with Lynn. There’s another fond smile and a surge of joy as she looks over the pictures the two just posted on social media, a selca with Jiyeon’s head resting on Lynn’s shoulder.
“Good for them…” she mutters to herself, locking her phone and looking back at the screen of her laptop. However, it seems as if the universe heard Seoyeon getting too comfortable, as she overhears the table beside her.
“Hm, I’m not sure…” Nien mutters, tapping her pan against the pages of her notebook, “I feel like ‘The Sorrows of Young Werther’ is just… too on the nose?” Seoyeon glances up and looks over, and sure enough, only on a table nearby, is Nien and Kotone. Nien is half-slouched in her seat, hoodie sleeves rolled up to expose her toned arms, whilst Kotone looks like she’s gotten ready for a date and not a study session, looking far too bright for Seoyeon’s liking. She has her cheek against her palm as she speaks to Nien, and there’s that odd lurch in Seoyeon’s stomach again.
Perhaps skipping lunch was a bad idea.
“Isn’t that what makes it perfect though?” Kotone asks, a light giggle slipping out of her, “Love, death, it’s practically a perfect gift-wrapped essay.” Seoyeon rolls her eyes. Of course it is, that’s why it’s the obvious option. But if you want to stand out in Professor Kim’s class, you have to think outside the box, or go for a less obvious choice, and Nien starts explaining as much to Kotone. Seoyeon thinks about how, despite their disagreements, Nien and her do share some similar opinions about their classes and how they should work. Kotone seems to think on what Nien says, and Seoyeon begins filling in the gaps herself. How, if she was working with Nien, she’d suggest something like –
“Maybe we should do Frankenstein?” Nien suggested, and Seoyeon blinks. She suggested Frankenstein for her and Jiyeon, but Jiyeon argued they should find a good middle ground between something obvious and something too out-there, so they went with The Picture of Dorian Gray. “That whole ‘man playing god, driven by emotion’ thing feels like it would work with what we’re trying to do.” Seoyeon swallows, an uncomfortable feeling in her chest, like a knot so tight it made it hard to breathe.
This would’ve been the first time she and Nien didn’t argue over what to write about. They might’ve had a leisurely time writing this essay, might’ve turned it in early for the first time. No. She thinks, knowing better. Nien loved to argue with Seoyeon, loved to be a contrarian if only to rile her up and get her upset. They would’ve still argued, would’ve gone back and forth until it was too late and they were running on nothing but caffeine and spite. Yet, there’s an oddly pleasant feeling at the thought. She creases her brow as she stares at her laptop.
What is going on with me…
She waits for Kotone to object, to laugh and tell Nien to think of something else, like Seoyeon would’ve. Instead, Kotone’s laugh is airy, and she hears a noise of agreement. “That might work… Professor Kim is always droning on about how we shouldn’t be so predictable, it could work.” That feeling in her stomach returns, and is damn-near nauseous enough that Seoyeon almost bolts out the library. She dares to glance up over her laptop again, and sees that smile on Kotone’s face, and Seoyeon’s hand clenched into a fist.
There’s a pink tint to Kotone’s cheeks when Nien flashes that stupid, stupid grin and she giggles. “Plus, Victor is such a drama queen, it’s all very on brand.” Nien nods, laughing like Kotone had said the funniest thing ever, and Seoyeon feels a tension in her chest, hot and tight, and she finds herself glaring daggers at the pair.
She and Nien always joked about Victor’s dramatic self in the novel, Kotone wasn’t exactly reinventing the wheel or anything, why the hell was Nien so damn cheery for? “That’s what I’m always saying! He’s like, the guy who monologues about his guilt and faints on a nearby couch every five minutes. He’s so angsty-victorian-twink-coded.” That earns a laugh of disbelief from Kotone, and the pair are soon shushed by the librarian. Seoyeon forces her eyes back down, closing them for a brief second as she let out a quiet sigh.
God, I’m also much more irritated… this sickness really is getting the better of me…
Her head felt hot, her chest a little too tight and that same nauseous feeling swirled in her stomach. When she looks back up again, she sees the way Kotone glances at Nien, the way her eyes seem to shimmer with… admiration? Her cheeks are still rosy, a small smile on her face. Kotone moves to sit up properly, grabbing her laptop and pulling it closer, and her fingers brush against Nien’s.
Seoyeon watches the whole exchange, and sees the smile Kotone gives Nien, her pearly white teeth and kind expression. Kotone really was pretty, and Seoyeon wonders if Nien thinks the same, the revulsion in her stomach worsening as she did. Seoyeon pauses.
Wait, why the hell do I care what Nien thinks?
Kotone giggles at one of Nien’s jokes, muttering something about how “Nien, you’re a lot smarter than people give you credit for…” and Nien laughs back, talking about how now she was ‘finally being appreciated for her genius’ and Seoyeon’s sickness gets so bad she wonders if she’s about to throw up. She slams her laptop shut, collects her things, and leaves. If she’s throwing up, it’ll be at her dorm room, and not in front of Nien and Kotone’s stupid rosy cheeks and cute smile, and Seoyeon’s memories decide to remind her of the time Nien said she liked ‘cute, shorter girls’.
Aside from her sickness, Seoyeon found herself just, for some reason, unable to watch the two interact. It was like she was intruding on something, like she was seeing something she wasn’t supposed to, and it left her far too uncomfortable.
She only makes it a few feet out of the library when her phone lights up with a text notification. She keeps walking, storming ahead, glancing down at her phone.
Nien: You good?
Seoyeon raises a brow.
Seoyeon: peachy, why?
Nien: :( you looked really upset when u left the library just now… r u sure you’re okay?
Seoyeon: just a little sick.
Seoyeon: why the hell do u care
Nien: bc if u die, naky’s gonna blame me somehow :p
Nien: but stay safe, ok?
Seoyeon stops walking, and she can feel a smile trying to break its way onto her face from the concern Nien is showing. She’s about to text back a reply, but thinks about Kotone, and realises Nien is probably just waiting to get back to working with that ‘pretty girl’ on their assignment. A bitter emotion comes across her as she scoffs to herself, putting her phone away and storming back to her and Nakyoung’s shared dorm room.
And when she opens the door with a slam, it startles Nakyoung. Seoyeon shoots an apologetic glance her way, and almost smiles when she sees Nakyoung’s head of blonde hair. The two had dyed it together, not long after Nien had dyed her hair pink, and joked about Seoyeon ‘being too uptight’ to change something drastic like her hair. Of course, Seoyeon couldn’t let that slide, and she relished in the way her blonde hair caught Nien’s attention. Serves her right. She thought to herself, although found herself unable to say anything when Nien blurted out how pretty she looked.
Nien… and like that, Seoyeon’s ire returned. With a huff, she crossed the room, plopping herself onto the couch as she opened up her laptop. Nakyoung regarded her for a moment, before shrugging. In their time living together, Nakyoung had grown used to Seoyeon’s ever-changing emotions and occasional wrath. She knew it best to not give Seoyeon a new reason to be upset, so kept her mouth shut.
She looks into why her stomach might be aching, with indigestion being a popular possibility, but her pain wasn’t severe or persisting, and it faded very quickly, so she crossed off those possibilities. She typed away, wondering if the pain in her chest and ache in her mind, or if the sudden surges of irritation would help narrow things down. Unfortunately, unless Seoyeon had suddenly developed cancer or a rare uncurable disease, she was apparently fine according to the internet.
She’s about to open up reddit of all places to ask the internet, when Nakyoung finally speaks up. “You good?” She asks, and Seoyeon looks up. “You’ve been typing pretty aggressively, and you look like you’re writing another complaint to the Dean.” Seoyeon sighs, shutting her laptop briefly.
“I think I’m sick.” she says, frowning. Nakyoung’s eyes widen, and she walks over, placing the back of her hand to Seoyeon’s forehead. The older girl’s eyes narrow, and she hums.
“You don’t have a fever or anything…” she removes her hand, putting both hands on her hips, “What are your symptoms?” She asks, and Seoyeon leans back, crossing her arms.
“My chest gets all tight and hurts, I get weirdly nauseous, my head starts to kill,” Nakyoung’s eyebrows droop in concern – she’s always cared a lot about Seoyeon, always the first to chastise her once she starts overlooking her own self-care. “And I get really, really irritated.” At that, Nakyoung’s concern gives way to a sarcastic eyebrow raise, and Seoyeon rolls her eyes.
“I’m not that bad!” She pouts, and Nakyoung concedes with a chuckle, sitting beside Seoyeon.
“How persistent are these symptoms?” She asks, and Seoyeon thinks back to each instance, placing her laptop to her side.
“Um… okay they first popped up in class, when we were being assigned partners. I got Jiyeon, Nien got Kotone… you remember, right?” Seoyeon recalls, and notices Nakyoung’s eyes widening. Thinking this might be helping, she continues, “The most recent time was just now, in the library.” Nakyoung gives a hum.
“Was Nien there?” Nakyoung asks, and there’s mischief in her eyes as her lips threaten to curl into a smile.
Seoyeon blinks, humming. Maybe it’s contagious and Nien is patient zero? “Yeah, she was working on her assignment with Kotone, they haven’t finished it yet and –” Perhaps confirming Nien’s involvement was not the best call, given the smirk now on Nakyoung’s lips and the chuckle that escapes her, that soon turns into a high-pitched giggle that leaves Seoyeon perplexed. Nakyoung leans back, leisurely draping herself over her end of the couch.
“You’re jealous.”
What.
WHAT?!
Seoyeon stands up, fast. “Excuse you?!”
“You’re jealous~” Nakyoung sings, giggling to herself as Seoyeon feels her face grow hot. She gasps, scoffing.
“I– Are you– Wa– NO I’M NOT?!” Nakyoung begins to howl with laughter, and Seoyeon’s hands drop to her sides, balling up into fists. “Why would I even be jealous that Kotone gets to work with Nien?” She asks, crossing her arms with a huff as Nakyoung’s giggles begin to subside.
“When did I mention it was Nien you were jealous for?” Seoyeon’s eyes widen, her face turning crimson as Nakyoung tries, she really does, to stifle a new onslaught of laughs.
She fails, miserably. Seoyeon picks a pillow off the floor and throws it at Nakyoung, and it only makes Nakyoung even worse. She finally stops, heaving as she catches her breaths and clutches her stomach. “Oh… oh my best friend is losing it because Nien is talking to a cute girl…” she giggles quietly and Seoyeon glances off to the side.
“God, is she really that cute? I don’t see it.” She ignores the pout on Nakyoung’s lips, and sighs, running a hand through her hair.
“Hey now… Kotone’s on the dance team. Be nice.” Seoyeon catches the look Nakyoung gives her, and she sighs.
“Whatever…” she mutters, kicking the floor, “Do you want anything? I was going to head to the convenience store to get some snacks.” Nakyoung’s face brightens up as she hops off the couch.
“I’ll come with you, and whilst we’re there, we can talk all about your big fat crush on–”
“SHUT UP!” Nakyoung laughs, running off to get ready, and if Seoyeon didn’t like and respect the older girl so much, she had half a mind to run off without her.
Jealous… Yoon Seoyeon wasn’t jealous! Why would she care who Nien was interested in and was speaking to? As far as she was concerned, Nien could go on as many dates as she wanted with cute Japanese girls who didn’t curse her existence every five seconds, who didn’t mock every word that left her lips because it was easier than digesting their own complex feelings for five minutes. Girls who didn’t gasp and cling to Nien during horror movies, where Nien wouldn’t let out a single judgemental remark, letting whoever it was calm down by her side. Nien could date anyone, why would Seoyeon care who’s hand Nien holds, body she embraces, who’s lips she kisses–
There’s a sharp tug in her chest, and she feels that sickly ache in her abdomen.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh no.
=====
Seoyeon prides herself on being kind, composed, and a sweetheart to anyone who needs help. People have said they find her presence warm and inviting, that her gentle eyes and smile put them at ease. Yet, for once, Seoyeon finds herself suddenly aggravated at everyone and everything that comes even somewhat close to Nien.
It doesn’t help that Nien, Seoyeon belatedly realises, is very attractive. She’s always known it, deep down. From her well-built arms, to her toned stomach, to the bright smile that made everyone’s hearts skip a few beats, to the way her laugh, as loud as it was, made you smile, and was downright infectious. The way her eyes crinkled into crescents when she smiled, the way she radiated warmth. There was so much to like Nien just from a surface-level glance, and the fact Nien knew about all of it made her smug attitude so infuriating at times.
It was no wonder people tried to approach her and, if they felt emboldened enough, try and flirt with her.
Seoyeon was beginning to see what that entailed. She’d see people ask Nien for directions, not Seoyeon. She’d see shop clerks be extra nice and attentive to Nien, see strangers eyes trail when she’d walk past compliment her, and was now beginning to remember how at every house party they went to, Seoyeon would have to fend off legions of drunk girls who’d throw themselves at Nien, uncaring of how uncomfortable it made her.
Today seemed to be one of those days where the universe wanted to remind Seoyeon of it, especially now that she could finally acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, there was a slight possibility that she liked Nien.
Nien had pestered Seoyeon about heading into that new café that had opened up down the street, and although Seoyeon was tempted to ask her why she wasn’t taking Kotone, she decided to not tempt fate and give Nien any ideas. They entered, the door opening with a jingle, the scent of cinnamon and coffee invading their noses, along with the faint notes of chocolate. Nien made a noise of approval, and Seoyeon rolled her eyes. They walked towards the barista, and Seoyeon offered a warm smile, and placed her order.
“Got it!” The barista smiled, and turned to face Nien. Her smile seemed to momentarily widen, her eyes twinkling with something. That pain returned to Seoyeon’s chest, and she glanced over at the various pastries on display as Nien placed her own order. She could hear Nien go on about the specific preferences for her drink, and the barista laughs, airily and soft.
“Cute,” she says, and Seoyeon freezes, “I can respect the dedication.” She says, and Nien flashed a grin, rubbing the back of her neck. Seoyeon glances up, and mentally curses Nien for not wearing a jacket, leaving her arms exposed, and catches the barista shamelessly staring at Nien’s bicep.
“Yeah, I aim to be aggressively accurate.” She says, hands now on her hips, and the barista laughs again. She passes on the order, and turns back to face Nien, resting her elbow against the counter.
“First time here?” The barista asks, and Nien nods. Seoyeon mentally groans, glancing behind herself, only to be greeted with a lack of queue. Great, just when I need one.
“Yep, I love trying out new places.” Nien says, and the back of her hand brushes against Seoyeon’s, once, very lightly. Seoyeon feels her face grow warm as the barista laughs about something, and Nien brushes their hands again, a little more forcefully. She picks up on it, and slides her hand into Nien’s. Her face grows warmer – this wasn’t anything new. Nien loved skinship with her friends, but Seoyeon was always more hesitant with Nien in particular.
She realises in retrospect, it might have been her deeply buried crush making her overthink things. Regardless, hold-handing was the most she’d allow, and for some reason, Nien had been insistent. The barista’s eyes briefly flash to their connected hands, but continues smiling at Nien.
“Well, I’m glad you came. Might make my shift easier with that smile of yours.” She winks shamelessly, and Seoyeon tugs Nien a little hard, towards a table.
“Thank you for the service, but we’ll be trying to find a table.” She flashes a smile, passive aggression on full display as she pulls them to a table, with Nien letting out an awkward squawk behind her. They find a table, and Nien is quick to sit herself down. It’s quiet, awkward for a few seconds, before Nien breaks out into a smile.
“She was a little…” She half-whispers, making an odd gesture with her hand that Seoyeon doesn’t understand.
“Cute?” She dares to ask, and Nien lets herself laugh.
“I mean, if you’re into her I won’t judge,” There’s an almost imperceptible shift in her voice, and a pink tint crawls onto Seoyeon’s cheeks as the blonde shakes her head. Nien giggles, “No, I was going to say she’s a bit… too enthusiastic?” Seoyeon pauses. She half-expected Nien to rush to compliment her, but instead, she nodded.
“You’re telling me.” She leans back in her chair, and soon, conversation comes easy. Despite everything she thought about Nien, speaking to her was always so much easier than she ever expected. It was easy, almost too easy, how quickly Seoyeon could fall back into this rhythm with Nien – the push and pull, the teasing, the weightless way their conversations seemed to stretch from brief seconds into hours. In all honesty, Seoyeon stopped hating Nien a long time ago, and would consider her one of her closest friends outside of Nakyoung.
There was something about the way Nien spoke, the way she made the most mundane things sound entertaining, the way she hung onto each detail of any story Seoyeon would talk about, remembering things even Nakyoung thought. The way, even at the height of their disdain for each other, Nien always made sure Seoyeon could find a seat if she was late to a lecture, and vice versa. It’s common courtesy, I’d do this for anyone. She told herself.
The way Nien would now always buy snacks for Seoyeon if they were together, pay for their food whenever she was a little faster than Seoyeon, the way she’d respect Seoyeon’s boundaries and not push beyond them, even if deep down, Seoyeon probably wouldn’t mind it if Nien had thrown her arms around Seoyeon and hugged her. That was the thing with Nien. It was always small things, simple things, but the danger with Hsu Nientzu was that she made the smallest things feel enormous.
Seoyeon snapped out of it when the barista called their names. She stood, smoothing out her coat, and made her way back to the counter with what she hoped was a neutral expression.
“Thanks,” she smiled, picking up the tray with their drinks, only to see the white receipt taped onto Nien’s drink. She furrowed her brow, setting the tray down and peeling it off. She paid for their drinks, and stared at the back of the receipt.
Call me cutie :) ~ XXX-XXX
Seoyeon lets out a quiet scoff under her breath, and pockets the receipt. She picks up the tray and places them down before her and Nien. She watches the Taiwanese-Vietnamese girl begin sipping, letting out a pleased noise, and Seoyeon finds herself involuntarily smiling. She watches Nien ready take a selfie of herself, and Seoyeon finds herself blurting out. “I don’t mind being in the shot.” Nien stops, turns and blinks.
“I thought you hated being in pictures?” Seoyeon feels her face grow warm again, and she shrugs.
“Not all the time.” She lets herself smile, and watches Nien reciprocate it. Nien turns the camera around, and smiles with a wink, Seoyeon mimicking it, ignoring the way her heart fluttered.
She thinks its petty, when they leave and she rips up and tosses the number into the bin – there was no guarantee Nien would’ve even called her, she even said she thought the barista was still too much. Hell, Seoyeon knows Nien never responds much to any of the flirting people send her way, usually giving them polite smiles or trying to find a way out of the situation. She’s being irrational, she knows she is.
Yet she can’t hide her smile when she leaves the café, hand still in Nien’s, and she doesn’t let go. If Nien notices it, she doesn’t comment on it.
=====
Seoyeon thinks, for the most part, she is doing a fantastic job at hiding her true feelings from Nien.
Sure, she might be jealous, but in what world is she letting Nien find that out? She’d never let her live that down, and it would make it almost impossible to get over this little crush she’s somehow developed.
Whenever she hears Nien talk about Kotone, she plasters a smile to her face, even if the other girl’s name slipping from Nien’s lips is enough to nearly give Seoyeon a heart attack from stress alone. Whenever Nien laughs a little too fondly recounting something Kotone said in class, Seoyeon bites back the instinct to interrupt and instead nods along, feigning interest, even throwing in the occasional, “She seems smart,” as if it doesn’t burn her throat on the way out.
She also starts letting Nien get a little closer. Nien goes from keeping a foot away from Seoyeon to casually draping her arm on her shoulder, using the girl like an armrest. Seoyeon would normally swat at Nien, but instead lets her, feeling her face grow warm whenever Nien would lean down and whisper some stupid joke into her ear, her hot breath tickling her face. She lets an occasional compliment slip from her mouth every now and then, and tries not to squeal at the cute look on Nien’s face whenever she does.
“Congratulations,” Seoyeon says as the pair walk down to the library, “I’m impressed you finally handed it in. And with a week to go as well.” Nien smiles, but then her eyes narrow, and she hums. Seoyeon looks over, and feels the urge to smile at Nien. She watches Nien’s shoulders visibly relax, and rests her arm on Seoyeon’s.
“You’ve been nicer lately.” She notices, and Seoyeon lets out a cough.
“I’m always nice.” She mumbles, and Nien smiles.
“True, but you usually hate my guts.” When Seoyeon glances up, she expects Nien’s signature smile that rests on her lips, as if such a smile was permanently etched onto her face, making Nien a sun that never stopped shining. But Seoyeon catches the softer, more vulnerable look in Nien’s eyes, and she slows her walking pace down slightly.
“You… you know I don’t, right?” She asks, and Nien hums. Seoyeon glances ahead, her fingers picking at the ends of her sleeves. “I stopped a long time ago. We’re friends, okay? Always have been…” she finds herself muttering, caught off guard at the look in Nien’s eyes. She can still feel the taller girl’s eyes on her, and Nien stops resting against Seoyeon. The Taiwanese-Vietnamese girl doesn’t say anything for a beat, and Seoyeon’s heart thuds painfully against her ribs. She half-regrets saying anything at all, but then Nien’s hand brushes gently against hers – fingertips grazing, hesitant but deliberate – and Seoyeon looks up just in time to see her grinning softly.
“Yeah, okay… friends.” She smiles back, and part of Seoyeon feels overjoyed at finally clearing that up between them, and doesn’t have to spend too much time now overthinking whether or not Nien knows how much Seoyeon enjoys her company. Yet, there’s a faint dull ache in her chest at the word friends. She wonders how selfish she’s being when she wishes Nien would call her something different, something more.
The two finally reach the shared destination of the library. Nien gives a dramatic stretch, and Seoyeon mentally curses how much she misses the warm feeling of Nien’s fingers brushing against her own. “Well, I told Kotone,” Seoyeon suppresses the urge to groan, “I’d meet her here and hand her a book I borrowed.” Seoyeon raised an eyebrow, and Nien frowned, “What?”
“You… reading? Outside of class?” Nien rolled her eyes, lightly nudging Seoyeon’s arm with her own.
“More common than you’d think!” She grins and Seoyeon lets herself give out a quiet laugh. Nien seems to brighten up at the sound – she’s started to get very happy when Seoyeon gives Nien the kinder, brighter side she reserves for everyone else. Seoyeon flashes a smile, stepping forward.
“Well, I have something to print off for the photography club. I’ll meet you back by the entrance?” Nien nods, giving a two-finger salute as they departed on their separate paths.
Seoyeon goes towards the familiar route of the printers, and wonders why the librarian has them tucked so far towards the back. Maybe she’s one of those traditional old people who hates technology and wants to keep it as far away from herself as possible. Seoyeon turns another corner, and is about to keep going, when she stops, hearing the unmistakable sound of Nien’s voice. She’s laughing, quiet and soft, and it makes Seoyeon’s heart melt as she stops. She almost goes to talk to her, but stops when she hears someone else’s voice.
Against her better judgement, she listens in. “I think we nailed it.” Kotone. Seoyeon swallows, a lump in her throat as she looks between the spaces in the books, spotting the smile on her face, and Seoyeon swears there’s a faint dusting of pink on her cheeks.
“Yeah, I think it turned out better than I expected,” Nien grins, and Seoyeon feels a whirlwind of emotion swirling in her chest. “You explained the themes really clearly, I was impressed.” Seoyeon finds her hand clenching around her student ID card in her pocket, watching as Kotone lets out her own laugh, soft.
Kotone looks pretty under the warm yellow lighting of this corner of the library, her chestnut brown hair and yellow cardigan making her seem so warm, so approachable. Seoyeon feels silly in her oversized hoodie she’d thrown on right before Nien came knocking, or how she hadn’t had enough time to put in her contacts, so she was stuck with her large wire-frame glasses. Kotone smiles at Nien, and Seoyeon finds it sickeningly sweet.
“You pulled your weight too, especially near the end. It felt like we were actually synced up.” Kotone says, lightly punching Nien’s arm.
Seoyeon wants to keep walking. She really does. But her feet betray her, rooting her to the spot. She watches Kotone’s gaze shift, her smile go from wide to smaller, but there’s this glimmer of adoration in her eyes, and Seoyeon feels her own eyes widen. Kotone shifts her weight between her feet, before sighing.
“Hey, uh… I know the project’s over, but… would you want to grab dinner sometime? Just us?” Kotone asks, wringing her own hands, and Nien’s eyes widen. There’s a smile on her face as she opens her mouth.
A sharp, cold twist snakes through Seoyeon’s gut. Her breath catches.
She doesn’t let herself stick around to hear the answer, silently walking off and pacing towards the printers. By the time she reaches them, her hands are trembling, teeth biting into her bottom lip. She’s being stupid and pathetic, she knows she is. Nien deserves someone who didn’t decide to mock her from the get-go, someone who didn’t need another girl walking up to her to realise they liked her, someone who isn’t Seoyeon. She taps her student ID card against the screen of the printer, and tries to focus on the whirring of the machine, not the sound of Kotone’s hopeful voice echoing in her head.
Not the fact that Nien might say yes.
Not the fact that Seoyeon will never know – because she’s not going to ask.
=====
The Modhaus University festival was an annual event that almost everyone looked forward to. For three days, gone was the usual mundanity of classes and the boring ramblings of lecturers, and instead, clubs all around the university opened up and manned different events and stalls. Rooms and lecture theatres were repurposed into event halls, with some being turned into escape rooms and others into screening rooms, game lounges, and even tarot reading stations.
Some new cutesy K-pop song was playing from the speakers, floating on the breeze from the central plaza, where the dance and music societies took turns performing on a makeshift stage (Nakyoung’s group had done so many performances last year, they decided to take a break this time round and give the spotlight to some others). Students in matching T-shirts darted around with clipboards, shouting over the crowds to get people to try their club’s activity or taste-test handmade desserts.
All the while, Seoyeon trudged along, arm looped with Nakyoung’s.
“You’re sulking.” The older girl said absentmindedly, and Seoyeon huffed, a pout on her lips.
“Am not…” she mumbled, and Nakyoung sighed.
“You’ve not looked at a single booth,” It was true, Seoyeon was busy keeping her eyes down, sipping on a lemonade that had long since gone too watery. “Last year, you were dragging me all over the place. You made us go to the belly dancing workshop twice.” Seoyeon lets herself scoff.
“I know you enjoyed it, you wouldn’t stop ogling the instructor’s abs.” That earns her a smack on the back of her head, and she whines. Nakyoung tuts, rubbing Seoyeon’s head as she sighs.
“Look, if you just told me why– oh!” Nakyoung’s head snapped forward, “Isn’t that Kotone? And Nien?”
Seoyeon stiffened immediately. “Let’s go the other way.”
But Nakyoung was already waving. “Too late.”
Seoyeon risked a glance and – just her luck – there was Nien, standing by a calligraphy booth, laughing at something Kotone was saying. They looked… good together. Nien had her hair tied up in a half bun, the sleeves of her loose cotton shirt rolled up, a skewer of fishcake in hand. Kotone was smiling easily, dressed in an oversized jacket and jeans, her shoulder brushing Nien’s as they leaned in to look at a painting. It was so casual, so effortless, and it twisted something in Seoyeon’s chest.
To her horror, Nakyoung tugged on her arm. “Let’s say hi.”
“I really don’t think—”
“Hey, guys!” Nakyoung called, and Nien turned immediately, her eyes brightening when she saw them.
Seoyeon pasted on a smile, and it was like trying to patch up a crack in a dam with nothing but ductape and a prayer.
Soon, all of them are walking around the festival together. Much to her chagrin, Nakyoung seems to attach herself to her fellow dance crew member, and the two start giggling and laughing about something, leaving Seoyeon beside Nien. They’re quiet, too quiet. No witty remarks, no slight jabs, no smiles, nothing. When Nien’s arm brushes against Seoyeon’s, she moves away, and ignores the downturn on Nien’s lips. Doesn’t she have a date already? She thinks, wondering what the hell was even going on.
They reach a quieter stretch of booths, and Kotone and Nakyoung gasp and run over to a booth selling a variety of children’s toys. Before Seoyeon can run over and thirdwheel, she feels Nien pinch her arm slightly, gently. Seoyeon glances the taller girl’s way, and there’s a frown that doesn’t belong. “Can I talk to you?”
Seoyeon blinked. “What?”
“Just us. Come on.” Nien didn’t wait for her answer, walking a few steps ahead.
Seoyeon glanced back at Nakyoung and Kotone, who were too busy playing with a bubble machine to notice. With a resigned sigh, she followed.
They ducked behind one of the booths, half-shielded by the fabric walls and a stack of unused folding chairs. “Okay,” Nien said, folding her arms, and the clenching of her jaw indicates a level of frustration Seoyeon doesn’t think she’s ever seen on the pink-haired girl before. “What’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?” Seoyeon asked, already on the defensive, glancing at the ground.
“Look at me – don’t give me that.” Nien muttered, voice tense as Seoyeon looked up, her eyes narrowing. “You’ve been ghosting me all week, you left the library that day out of nowhere, and today, you were about two seconds from pretending not to see me.” Seoyeon opens her mouth to argue, and Nien shakes her head, “Don’t say you weren’t. I saw you before you saw me.” Seoyeon feels her retort die on her tongue.
There’s a soft vulnerability in Nien’s eyes, like glass on the verge of breaking, and Seoyeon feels guilt gnaw at her bones. “I haven’t been avoiding you…” Seoyeon lied weakly, her voice small.
Nien raised an eyebrow.
Seoyeon sighed, looking away. “It’s just… I’ve been busy.”
“With what? Ignoring me?” There’s an odd bite to her voice Seoyeon doesn’t expect, and she wonders just how much her lack of presence in Nien’s orbit hurt the taller girl.
“Nien—” She tries to speak up, to calm things down, to delay herself from saying the embarrassing truth any further and spare herself the rejection, but instead, Nien shakes her head.
“No. You’re staying here. Tell me. Why?” Seoyeon almost grunts in frustration. If there was one thing Nien was, it was stubborn.
Seoyeon opens her mouth to speak, then closes it again, sighing. Her fingers twitch at her sides. “You really want to know?” She asks, feeling her own frustration beginning to bubble in her chest, and Nien looks exasperated.
“Yes!”
Seoyeon’s voice cracks as it spills out. “Because I’m jealous, okay?!” She says, eyes clenched shut.
Nien freezes, visibly taken aback—her cheeks flush a deep red, and her mouth falls open as she stares at Seoyeon in disbelief.
“You—” she stammers, voice catching. “You’re… jealous?”
“Yes, okay?” Seoyeon sighs, letting her cup drop to the ground as she runs a hand through her blonde strands. “I’m jealous. I felt so sick seeing you and Kotone run around so happy, I hate seeing all those people flirt with you and you just looking oblivious to it all, I hate how- how easy it is for people to be around you!” She grabs at where her heart is hammering, her shirt bunching up as she grabs onto it. “Everyone just seems to gravitate towards you and it’s driving me insane!”
Seoyeon lets out a noise, half-grunt, half-sigh. “I-I’ve been so jealous I could scream, and it’s stupid, I know it’s stupid, because we’re just friends, and you can date whoever you want, but I just—” she stops, chest heaving, and she looks up at Nien, and catches the amusement sparkling in her brown, stupidly cute looking, eyes. “I liked you. I still like you. And it’s driving me insane, and none of it matters because Kotone asked you out first, a-and,” Seoyeon blinks, and she feels something wet around her eyes, “And now… now you’re laughing…”
Because she was. At some point, Nien had giggled, and she was now laughing, clutching her stomach as Seoyeon stared at her incredulously.
Seoyeon flinches when Nien looks back up at her. Her shoulders begin to curl inward. “Forget it.” She turns around, but Nien reaches out to grab her wrist. She spins Seoyeon around, the blonde giving a yelp, and tugs Seoyeon close.
She’s still laughing, and cups Seoyeon’s face. “Hamham… for someone so smart, you can be a little dense, you know?” And then Nien’s lips meet Seoyeon’s.
Seoyeon’s eyes widen, her mind turning to a screaming buzz as she felt Nien’s soft lips against her own. It starts slow, but then Nien tilts her head and kisses her again, deeper, fuller – her fingers slipping into Seoyeon’s hair, her body pressing close. Seoyeon’s eyes flutter closed, and she loops her arms around Nien’s neck, trying to pull herself even closer towards the pink-haired girl. Nien shifts, pressing Seoyeon’s back against a wall behind her, hand snaking around her waist as it all came undone.
Like a knot coming loose, Seoyeon lets all her pent up attraction and frustration melt out into the kiss. Nien’s fingertips lightly graze the base of Seoyeon’s spine, and the blonde can’t help but shiver. Nien is kissing her. Nien is kissing her.
Take that Kotone… Seoyeon knows she’s being petty, but she lets herself have this one.
Seoyeon had never cursed her need for oxygen more when they part, and she can’t help but whine at the sudden lack of Nien’s lips against her own. However, her need is satiated quick as Nien peppers the side of her face with light, feathery kisses, soon lowering to Seoyeon’s neck. The taller girl buries her face into it. “You’re so silly Seoyeon…” she mumbles, sending vibrations through the shorter girl’s frame.
“H-Huh?” Nien chuckles again, low, and it’s downright dangerous for Seoyeon. “You didn’t even let me finish that day in the library.”
Seoyeon blinks. “What?” Nien chuckles again, kissing Seoyeon’s cheek as she pulled back.
“I turned Kotone down.” She smiles, proud, and Seoyeon’s legs feel like they’re about to give out from under her.
“You… what?” Nien rolls her eyes, pressing a kiss to Seoyeon’s forehead, and Seoyeon feels dizzy from the onslaught of affection. She’s not about to complain now, of course.
“I said no,” Nien repeats, tugging Seoyeon by the wrist. “Come on.” Seoyeon does, and is quick to slide her hand into Nien’s, and she welcomes the familiar warmth that comes with it. They begin to head around the back of the booth, reapproaching their friends. “That day, I told Kotone there was someone else I was interested in. She guessed it was you pretty easily.” Seoyeon looks up at Nien. She bites her lip, and lets herself press closer against her side, and Nien loops her arm around Seoyeon’s shoulders.
Seoyeon feels giddy. “Really?” Nien nods, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah, surprisingly, I think you’re the only one who didn’t realise how much I like you.” She says, offhandedly, like it’s nothing, and Seoyeon feels her face flame up, and she lightly elbows Nien’s side, huffing as Nien cackles.
Nien then points ahead, “But, something told me that Kotone wasn’t being too honest. I figured out that all this time flirting with me was to distract herself from her own feelings. So, I gave her some confidence to talk to who she actually liked.” Seoyeon follows Nien’s gaze, and sees Kotone and Nakyoung hunched over one of their phones, watching some video. They’re leaning against each other, a rosy colour to their cheeks as they shared soft giggles.
All of a sudden, the frequency of which Nakyoung mentioned Kotone made a lot more sense, and Seoyeon wonders how she didn’t see it sooner. “I’m an idiot.” She mutters, and Nien laughs, pressing a kiss into Seoyeon’s hair.
“You are.” Seoyeon huffs, face red, and she headbutts Nien’s chest lightly, the taller girl letting out a yelp as they parted. She crossed her arms, her lips betraying her when they broke out into a smile.
“You’re insufferable.”
Nien grins, “I don’t know the meaning of the word.”
“Shut up.”
“Make me.” Seoyeon jumps over and kisses Nien, and she can’t help the giddy laugh that follows as Nien wraps her arms around her.
=====
(It’s movie night, again, and this time, things are a little different. It’s another horror movie – turns out Kotone’s quite the fan. She sits right beside Nakyoung, the two leaning against each other, a bucket of popcorn in Kotone’s lap. They’re flanked by a few of Nakyoung’s dance crew members, dressed in their matching hoodies, legs tangled and laughter barely muffled. Xinyu’s sprawled out on a beanbag, her girlfriend Sohyun tucked beneath her arm, the two whispering and giggling between scenes.
Xinyu had been the first to scream ‘FINALLY!’ once Seoyeon and Nien announced they were together, and had entertained Seoyeon with the numerous times Nien had been a sad, lovestruck puppy, yearning from afar. It wasn’t long before the two descended into a brawl, and Sohyun patted Seoyeon’s back, telling her “You both deserve each other.” with a soft smile.
Nien and Seoyeon sit in a corner, Seoyeon firmly sat in Nien’s lap, letting her girlfriend (she can hardly believe they can call each other that now) wrap her toned arms around her waist, pulling her close. Seoyeon can feel the taller girl’s warm breath tickling her neck, and she almost shivers. Nien leans in to whisper words into Seoyeon’s ear, usually teasing remarks that left the tips of Seoyeon’s ears pink.
Nien keeps her chin tucked atop Seoyeon’s shoulder throughout the duration of the movie, a light giggle escaping her at a few of the scenes, and it makes Seoyeon wonder what kind of girl she decided to date. With every scare in the movie, Seoyeon finds herself unperturbed. How could she feel anything else, with Nien securely keeping her still, whispering comforting words whenever Seoyeon so much as flinched. She kisses her cheek at one point, and Seoyeon melts into Nien’s embrace at that point.
“You’re not scared?” Nien teases once, the trace of a smile infecting her voice, and Seoyeon only hums, tilting her head to rest it against Nien’s.
“Not when you’re holding me like this.”)