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Harvey’s Miracle
A Suits FanFiction
Harvey had been sober six months. It was a constant, daily struggle. Not having the glass of wine with dinner. Not having a double scotch neat while relaxing with the newspaper. Not having a few beers during the game.
But all these nots added up to one big have.
Mike.
Harvey knew how he’d acted. How he’d treated Mike when he drank too much. The asshat he became. He made excuses for himself. He justified his actions with explanations instead of apologies. And the behavior never changed. He’d sober up and realize what he’d done. He knew he was wrong, but he was sure in the moment he’d been right. He’d tell Mike he was sorry for hurting him, even though no amount of sorry would ever fix the damage he had done.
But he wasn’t going to stop apologizing now. He’d never stop being sorry.
The last time he’d lost his head Mike had been late returning from the office, and Harvey had rearranged his face.
Harvey continued to consume booze after Mike scampered out of their apartment, polishing off half a bottle of scotch in the meantime.
So when Louis knocked on his door at one in the morning, he was in no state to defend himself.
Harvey let him into the building under the impression that he had some important business that couldn’t wait. Even after Harvey told him he was in no state to talk shop. Louis had insisted. So Harvey let him in.
He unlocked the door when Louis knocked on it and began to open it, but as he did Louis gave it a good shove, hitting the homeowner in the face with the re-enforced steel.
Harvey lost his footing and tumbled backward, narrowly missing a trip on an area rug and a fall on his ass.
Louis barged in, storming right toward Harvey and landing a punch to the jar on his face. Harvey was more shocked than hurt, but couldn’t find the dexterity to fight back. Louis hit him twice more before tripping the taller man and sending him to the floor. Louis gave him kick after kick until Harvey was curled into the fetal position and begging for him to stop.
“Did he beg you to stop?” Louis tried to calm his voice, to no avail, issuing another swift kick to his stomach.
“What?”
Harvey played dumb. He knew the kind of trouble he’s be in if anyone found out he was sleeping with a colleague. Let alone if anyone found out what he’d done to him.
“MIKE!”
Harvey pulled his energy together, rising from the floor. Louis didn’t give him a chance to speak.
“That poor kid shows up at the office, his face-“ Louis waved a hand in front of his face, adding to the drama that room had already witnessed that day “-a mess, crying and saying he deserved it.”
“Shit.”
“And all you have to say it shit.”
Louis punched Harvey in the face once more, causing blood to begin to pour from it.
“I didn’t-“
“Save it. I knew you’re together. Fuck. I see his stuff here.”
Louis gestured to the living room, where’s Mike’s laptop sat on the coffee table. He didn’t acknowledge the shoes or jacket that was by the door.
“I couldn’t care less who you spend your personal time with Harvey. But for chrissakes! You’ve got this great kid who admires you. Who worked his ass off at the firm to impress you. He’s a fucking savant for crying out loud, and you show him you care by busting up him face and crushing his soul. He lost the grandmother who raised him. He has no parents, no siblings. All he has is you, and you do this to him. You prick. You don’t love him.”
“That’s not true.”
Harvey was starting to feel it. The pain. Not just in the cuts on his face, or the bruising around his ribs. In his heart and his soul. He did care for Mike, in the most honest way he knew he could. It wasn’t Mike’s fault. It was his.
“That is the most bold faced lie I’ve ever heard coming from you Harvey. A broken nose isn’t love. Telling the guy he deserves the broken nose isn’t love. Stop dragging his poor guy through your miserable life. Stop putting him through your pain. Free him. Let him go. Let him be with someone who does love him, who genuinely loves him.”
“What. Someone like you?”
“What? No. I didn’t say me. I said someone. Anyone. Let him go and live his life with someone who doesn’t punch him in the face because they drink too much.”
Harvey couldn’t look Louis in the eye, but he felt a change in the man. Louis was in love with Mike, but he wasn’t going to tell Harvey.
“Get your fucking shit together man. You smell like a bachelor party. Minus the strippers.”
Louis turned to leave, unable to stand the sight of Harvey any longer. He didn’t want to fight anymore, and he didn’t want to risk Harvey sobering up enough to hit him back.
“Louis.”
He paused by the door, his back still to Harvey, waiting for him to continue.
“Where is he now?”
Louis didn’t say anything. He hung his lifted his head an inch at the question but refused to answer. He didn’t think it was any of Harvey’s business where Mike was, and he certainly wasn’t going to be the one to tell him that Mike was at his place. Instead he left the apartment, closing the door to the sound of Harvey angrily calling out his name again.
Harvey knew where Mike was, and he was pissed about it.
But Harvey wasn’t going to think about that tonight. Because tonight they were celebrating. Mike had agreed to move in eight months ago. And Harvey had been sober for six.
And Harvey was waiting, patiently, reading the paper and sipping his Evian. Mike was now a half an hour late.
Harvey felt a twinge of his former self lurch its way forward. He was upset, having planned their dinner, but he knew Mike didn’t do it on purpose. Mike would return, and that was the most important thing.
Harvey had been really worried that night Mike stayed with Louis. It was the first night in three months he didn’t have Mike next to him.
He didn’t sleep.
Harvey couldn’t stand the sight of their bedroom without him in it. Mike’s stuff still littered about. His socks on the floor, his cologne on the dresser. The photo of him with his grandmother.
He spent several hours just walking about the place, touching the things that didn’t belong to him. It wasn’t until he’d made it to the bathroom that he caught a glimpse of himself.
Louis had done some damage to his face, but it was the bruising on his hands that held his attention. He ran a thumb over his knuckles, feeling the small scrapes that seemed invisible. Hands he damaged on his lover’s face.
Harvey felt his stomach turn and he moved for the toilet next to the mirror.
All he had consumed returned and poured out of him. It was only in that moment that he realized their dinner was still on the table, untouched.
Harvey turned back to the mirror when he was finished, looking blankly at his reflection.
His nose had stopped bleeding, but he’d yet to clean the mess it left behind. His eyes had welled up from the pressure in his head caused by his vomiting, and now were running down his cheeks and onto his blood-stained dress shirt. His left eye was bloodshot and turning purple. He was a monster.
That was what did it to him. His face in the mirror. He saw the monster that Louis had seen. And that sobering thought put him into mission mode.
Harvey went through the house, emptying every open bottle of wine and alcohol down the drain. He boxed up his collection of expensive, vintage wine and put it by the door, intent on giving it to Jessica, Donna and Louis. He purged the house of any and all the alcohol he could find.
He was going to win Mike back, if it took him the rest of his life.
“Harvey?”
Mike had arrived home, telling Harvey so as he entered. He saw his other half in the kitchen, gazing off into the middle distance. He didn’t respond to Mike’s first attempt at a greeting, so he tried again. And when a second try went unheard, he slowed his approach.
Harvey came to when Mike put a cautious hand to his arm. He tried not to frighten the older man, but it proved impossible. Harvey jolted back to the room, causing Mike to drop the flowers he’d been holding and reach for his heart.
Harvey noticed Mike’s eyes welling up with fright. He’d been genuinely scared, something he’d not been in a long time, and Harvey was instantly full of guilt and regret.
“I’m sorry.” He said, pulling Mike leisurely into his arms.
He felt the younger man’s rapid, shallow breaths against his chest as he held him close. He slowly returned to a calm state, but Harvey refused to let him go quite yet. He continued to apologize under his breath, running a hand through the short dark locks near the nape of Mike’s neck.
Harvey needed this comfort. To hold him, feel him. He needed the intimate closeness. He needed a soothing calm with Mike to try to balance all the drama their life had once been. And Mike didn’t mind. He didn’t mind one bit.
Mike rested his head against Harvey’s shoulder, his natural pillow. It was as if Harvey’s skin was made to fit his. They stayed there comfortably for five minutes before Harvey could loosen his grip.
He brought Mike’s face up to meet his and gave him a reserve, gentle kiss hello. Mike followed him with two more, before they were comfortable being apart from each other’s personal space.
Mike picked up the battered bouquet.
“I love you.” Harvey offered the instant their physical contact was broken.
“I love you too babe.”
Harvey smiled. He knew whatever damage he’d done in the past wasn’t finished healing between them, but it was getting better. Mike hadn’t left him when he was struggling, he hadn’t left any of the number of times when that was the best thing for him to do. Harvey considered that his miracle.
Mike was his miracle.