Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Zoro lay quietly in his hammock. Tucked into his side, Luffy sleeps peacefully for once. The younger had been having trouble sleeping recently, memories and nightmares about Ace keeping him awake. It was coming up to the anniversary, which was always a harder time for him. So he had been staying close to his partners and was rarely alone. Neither of them minded this, though they were worried about their youngest.

Zoro himself wasn’t having the best of times, his scar over his eye had begun itching a few days ago, and while Chopper said there was nothing there he still felt the pain and discomfort from it and it was beginning to annoy him. He was also worried for both of his partners. Luffy had become his shadow, even joining him for his night watches more often than not, and while he knew the reason, it hurt to see. But there was also Sanji.

He had noticed it a few days after Luffy had started following them- Sanji was stressing more. It had started small, cooking for longer periods, making more varieties of food for each meal, until now, he barely left the kitchen other than to bring snacks to the crew. He had also started writing in his notebook more often. Zoro had assumed it was from worry, after all Luffy's appetite had gone down, but 2 weeks on and it was starting to get too much.

 

And tonight, Zoro is laying in his bed, holding Luffy close as he stares at the ceiling, mind racing as to how to handle this situation. Sanji wasn’t even in bed yet, it had been over an hour since the rest of the crew had gone to bed and he was still in the kitchen, assumingly cooking. Zoro growls, if Luffy hadn’t been sleeping, hadn’t needed the constant contact he would go and get the cook, bring him down to the bunkroom himself, but there was only so much of him to go around and he was spread too thin.

The crew had tried hard to help him, but even though their attempts had been sweet and considerate nothing had worked. Franky and Usopp had tried getting Luffy to fish with them, and while the peaceful activity had worked for 10 minutes, the quietness had become too much and Luffy left them to rush off and find Zoro, mumbling something about going to annoy the swordsman. They had later tried a different idea- having Luffy come and join them in making something. Unfortunately that hasn’t ended well either, very quickly they realised a tired Luffy trying to build things lead to explosions, and they quickly escorted him out before he was able to break anything.

It was similar with the girls and Sanji. They had tried to get him to have a girls night with them, something they dragged him along to now he was dating the other two, since they realised his flirty attitude was his only knowledge on how to act towards women. He usually loved their girls night, the gossip, painting nails, and doing hair. But this time Sanji had laid down to let the girls do his hair, and was asleep within minutes, and while this had been a plan by Robin, seeing bags under the boy’s eyes, once he woke up he rushed out, not stopping moving for the next several hours. After that whenever they would invite him to girls night he would come up with an excuse to get out of it.

Just as he is starting to think he needs to call in help from outside the crew, he feels Luffy starting to wake up next to him, curling up smaller and hiding his face in the familiar smell of Zoro’s chest. Zoro brings a hand down to run through Luffy’s hair, speaking quietly to him “Oi. I’m here. You’re on the Thousand Sunny.”

It takes a few moments, but soon Luffy is looking up at Zoro with a frown, eyes darting to Sanji’s hammock before cuddling back into Zoro “I… I thought I was back before I was a pirate..” It was a small whispered word, but not an uncommon one. It was rare Luffy had nightmares, it was more common he had good dreams about him and Ace, dreams of their past, of them sailing together, or of Ace’s reaction to him becoming king of the pirates. Somehow they were worse than the nightmares.

Zoro pulls him close to his chest, hand still in his hair “You know he would be proud of you right? He loved you…” He gets a small nod in response but no verbal reply, but he doesn’t need one as he continues. “He is watching still, he’ll see you become the greatest pirate and the king of the pirates. It’ll just hurt for a few years.”

The last few weeks these words have been commonly heard from Zoro to Luffy, the older remembering his own pain of loss and able to comfort the younger, in the way that reaches him best.

Luffy nuzzles into Zoro’s chest, the tears gently falling onto the warm skin “I… I miss him. It hurts so much even after 3 years..”

Zoro frowns and kisses his head, hating to see him hurting and wishing he could take the pain away “I know Luf… It still hurts for a long time… but it gets easier I promise, it stays but you keep moving forwards.” After that Zoro goes quiet for a while, just letting Luffy cry into his chest and holding him close. The rest of the crew, who may have been woken up by the noise of the crying, have the courtesy to at least pretend to still be asleep, giving the boy his piracy, in the less than private place.

It takes only 5 minutes for Luffy to calm down, too tired for a full breakdown so late. He doesn’t speak immediately however, staying still and quiet as he controls his breathing again.

When he finally moves it is to look over at Sanji’s hammock with a frown “..He’s not in bed?” It's still quiet and small still, but now filled with less pain and more worry.

Zoro shakes his head as he moves his hand to rub Luffy’s back instead of his head. “No, he hasn’t come down yet.” He squints his eyes as he looks over at the clock, frowning more when he reads it's already 1:13am.

Luffy frowns and wraps his legs and arms around Zoro, cheek resting on his chest “We should go get him.” When he says ‘we’ he means for Zoro to carry him to the kitchen with him.

Zoro gives a startled snort, but nods, carefully moving up and climbing off of the hammock. He keeps his arm secure around Luffy as he stands, holding him protectively as he moves towards the door, being as quiet as he is able to.

It doesn't take the pair long to make it to the kitchen once they’re out of the bunkroom, not bothering to be quiet since only Sanji can hear them now. But as they go to the kitchen they don’t hear any noise, even Luffy looking up from his comfortable spot to look at the kitchen door confused. It was rare for the cook to be cooking without his music on, but the kitchen was silent. It made them both worry for their love.

Carefully Zoro puts Luffy down as they approach the door, wanting to be able to see fully and support whatever they are about to walk in on. He reaches for the door handle, looking at Luffy to get the go ahead.

Before he can, Luffy reaches out and opens the door, his action not his usual big presence of slamming it open, instead only opening it enough to allow them to slip into the room. But as soon as they step into the room they freeze.

The usually spotless galley is a mess, containers cover the table, some full of food, some just having labels of what is supposed to be in them. On the stove top is a mixture which was once on a simmer, but is now burning, the smell heavy in the air, while to the side are several chopping boards with different ingredients cut up. As he looks around Zoro realises- this is all their food supplies, the list of meals planned pinned to the fridge matching those laid out on the table.

While Zoro had narrowed in on that, Luffy had spotted Sanji, the man had clearly sat to write something in his notebook, but now he was hunched over it, passed out even in his seated position in his usual suit. He takes a step towards the cook but pauses, not knowing how to act thanks to his own emotional distress, so he tugs on Zoro silently, pointing to Sanji.

Zoro tenses more when he spots Sanji, realising how out of his depth he truly is trying to look after the pair. He tries to hide his worry, his fear he is failing them, as he steps over to the cook. He kneels next to the other man, taking the notebook and pen, as he gently strokes his cheek “Luffy? Can you take him to bed? You can both sleep in my hammock.”

Luffy frowns for a moment, but nods as he looks around the kitchen, he walks over and carefully picks up Sanji, frowning more when the other doesn’t react “Yeah… Sanji okay?”

Zoro nods kissing both of their cheeks “He will be, I’ll make sure of it. Go on and rest, I’ll deal with all this mess.” He watches as Luffy walks out the door, keeping a relaxed expression on his face so Luffy gets some comfort when he turns around before shutting the door. He stays like that for a few minutes, making sure Luffy and Sanji are away before he lets it slip.

He slumps down to sit on the floor in front of where Sanji had been, head in his hands as he lets out a shaky breath. He felt the weight of the room around him on his shoulder, the implications of the mess and how bad Sanji really was and how he missed it. He prayed Luffy hadn’t realised what the cooking meant, what Sanji preparing all their meals until the next island meant, knowing the boy couldn’t handle more grief right now.

Zoro felt guilty. Guilty for not noticing the cooks pain, only realising how upset Luffy was and not able to give enough time to the other man until it was nearly too late. But also guilty for not being enough, because he knew, logically he knew, this was too much for one person. Even with the crew trying to help, they were each other's people, the three of them would go to each other with all of the true issues, and he couldn’t carry the pain of two people and help them both feel better. But did that mean he’d have to choose?

He could never choose between the two of them, he loved them both so much, with all his heart, he couldn’t lose either of them. He wished there was something he could fight, something to strike. He was good at that, but here he couldn’t fight their pain with swords, only with action he wasn’t enough to do.

Lost in thought he looks around the room, trying to find the answer, when he spots the Den den. The ship had two, one lived in the navigation room, the other in the galley. The one in the galley they all used for their personal calls, Sanji perfecting being a silent companion or leaving when appropriate. So above this phone was a list of numbers special to them. He considered phoning Zeff, but the man being in a completely different ocean made it hard, considering it would just worry the elder, and he couldn’t physically do anything. While he may be able to advise him, Zoro would still be in the same situation. Another number came to mind then, his number not on the board, but the man who had become a father to him, the man who would straighten him out and tell him what needed to happen. Mihawk. He would probably tear into Zoro for not calling before, only when he needed something, but he could probably deal with that to get some help.

Almost numbly he makes his way to the phone, hand dialling the number without conscious thought, pulling it from his memory. Given the late time he did not think he was going to get a reply, but after just a few rings there is an annoyed huff from the other end.

“Whoever you are, someone better be dying.” the gruff voice came through, clearly having just woken up.

Hearing his father figure again, Zoro stays silent for a moment, realising he doesn’t know what to say, not used to having to ask for help. Eventually deciding on “Sort of?”

Mihawk huffs a laugh, one of shock and almost amusement but worry for his boy. He sits up, prepared to listen and not go back to sleep for a while, and this time when he spoke he sounded more alert. “Go on then kid, you have my attention.”

Zoro relaxes a little at that, his voice coming out more unsure than his usual responses to the older swordsman “Sanji and Luffy. They’re both struggling and I’m trying to help them but I’m not doing enough. Luffy can’t sleep alone anymore, and he follows me around all day, not that I mind spending time with him, I don’t. He’s my partner after all. But Sanji is also struggling, we just found him passed out in the kitchen with all the crew’s food being cooked and split into meals and prepared for until we get to the next port like- like we wouldn’t have him cooking every day for us. And I am trying- I’m trying to help, I just-!”

Zoro's words come out rapidly, a string of consciousness as he finally gets out everything that's been going on for the past 2 weeks, finally breaking enough to ask for help. And now he sits quietly waiting to hear Miawk’s reply, prepared to hear him laugh or tell him to grow up and be responsible for those he loves. Instead he gets a gentle reply a few moments later.

“How long has this been going on?” Mihawk’s voice has his typical gruffness, but there is an underlying concern he's only heard once before when he lost his eye.

“...2 weeks. It's nearly Ace’s anniversary.” Zoro lowers his head in shame, as if that simple sentence explained everything.

There is shuffling from the other side of the line, and a few grumbles before Mihawk speaks clear enough for Zoro to understand “We should’ve known this would be a hard time for him. Sanji’s a tough brat too, but reading the news we should’ve clocked that one too.”

Zoro frowns holding the phone closer “read the news? We haven’t had the news in like a month. And what do you mean we?”

The rustling pauses for a moment before Mihawk speaks again “That cook of yours has been interrupting the news crow. Check the kitchen later. Anyway, his dad’s been on the move again. You can read what later. But I see why he hid it. They did a special article on Ace, how they hunted the son of Gold Roger and the rewards for those who helped them. Real shitty stuff, marine paid of course.”

Zoro looks shocked, he knew none of this. Was Sanji really holding all of that on his shoulders all this time and didn’t tell any of them? Of course he would, the cook was always too selfless for his own good. He must’ve been quiet for too long because Mihawk soon speaks again.

“Oi brat. Don’t blame yourself. We’ll come fix it soon. What's the state of things now? You said he had been cooking?” His voice went back to some of its normal gruffness, similar to how he spoke while they trained. Normal. Zoro could do normal.

“Y-yeah.” His voice catches, he isn’t sure why, and he hates it. The new information, combined with his already warring emotions were becoming too much “Yeah, food half prepared, containers laying out. The kitchen is a mess.”

Mihawk nods, speaking to someone next to him. Zoro wasn’t paying enough attention to hear what the conversation was, barely following Mihawk’s words to him. After a moment he turns back to the phone to talk to Zoro again “Okay. For now, clean that. Put anything cooked in a container, doesn't matter about the labels. Anything chopped goes in it’s own bag, then wash the dishes. Got it?” Mihawk had noticed the boys helplessness, knowing in that situation he needed orders, something to do and follow.

Zoro nods, numbly standing to start moving. He could do that. He could follow the orders, do something alone quietly for a while and get the cooks safe place clean again. Despite not responding Mihawk knows Zoro is listening as he hears things starting to move.

“Good. Phone me when you’re done brat. I need to make a call.” Without waiting, Mihawk hangs up, leaving Zoro to go about his task in silence.

 

It takes Zoro a few hours to clean the kitchen completely, trying to save as much food as he can. He can’t tell how long Sanji had been asleep, but a lot of the food is no longer cold from the fridge by the time he starts moving it back into the cool box in bags. He isn’t sure how well they last so will have to talk to the cook in the morning. For now he focuses on his task. Normally he dislikes cleaning, the only good part being spending time with Sanji, but now the mindless tasks help clear his head, recentering him like meditation does.

Thinking of meditation makes him pause. With everything going on, Luffy’s constant need for attention, his worry for both him and Sanji, he doesn’t remember the last time he meditated. He doesn’t remember the last time he did most things there were exclusively his, other than training, only because he does that with both of the others.

Despite this revelation he doesn’t pause for long, going back to his mindless tasks and by 3am he has finished, the kitchen once again spotless, with all the dishes put away and food safe.

He looks around lost for a few moments before he remembers Mihawk’s words and makes his way to the phone, once again mindlessly tying in the number for the older man. Expecting the gruff man’s voice, he was surprised to hear the gentler voice of Shanks answer “Ah Zoro, kitchen all clean then?”

Zoro looks at the device again, checking he put the number in correctly “Shanks? Why do you have Mihawks Den den?”

Shanks laughs “Sorry, sorry. He’s on the ship for a while. Once he filled me in, he took my Den den to talk to Zeff and plan. Asked me to answer you if you called while he was gone.”

“Oh…” It was a small, deflated sound of confusion as Zoro put the pieces together. He knew Mihawk was friendly with Shanks but not that he was staying with him. “Wait, he’s calling Zeff? I don’t think that's smart, the old man will just worry and he can’t do much.”

“Nonsense! That ‘old man’ basically raised Sanji, he’d kill us all if he knew we hid something like this from him. And don’t worry about him not being able to do anything, leave that to us.”

Zoro frowns more at the cryptic answer, but elects not to argue, instead moving on “Mihawk- He said to call when I was done?”

Shanks nods, despite not being visible “Yeah, you did good kid. Can you go wake that navigator of yours up? You can blame me or whatever. I just need to talk to her.”

“No way!” Zoro glares at the phone “She’ll kill me if I wake her up at 3am. Are you nuts?!?”

“Zoro. It was not a request.” His voice is sharper now, his captain's voice, and despite him not being Zoro’s captain, it shakes him into shape.

“O-okay... Geez, you old men all want me dead.” He mumbles as he heads out of the kitchen.

The night air is starting to break, but without the worry from earlier it hits Zoro harder, making him rush faster below deck to the girls room. He doesn’t bother knocking, just quietly slipping into the room.

He hasn’t been into the girls room often, only when the ship moved around on him, or something was wrong. Despite this he takes confident steps further in, until he reaches Nami’s bed. He kneels next to it, shooting a glare to the phone still in his hand, cursing Shanks in his head, before reaching over to gently shake the girl.

“Oi. Nami. Shanks needs to talk to you.” Despite knowing he’ll get his ass kicked either way, he does try to gently wake her, feeling guilty for having to do so.

Nami curls up smaller, grumbling for a few moments before she begins to wake up. Once she is awake enough to blink her eyes open, she glares at Zoro “What the hell are you doing in my room?”

Zoro glares back and holds out the phone, no longer touching Nami “Like I said Shanks wants to talk to you witch.”

Nami looks at the phone “Shanks?” Despite her obvious confusion she takes the phone, holding it to her ear as her eyes slip closed again “It’s too early for this…”

Shanks lets out a small laugh from the other side “I know, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have woken you unless it was an emergency. Where is your ship currently? Where are you heading?”

Nami sits up frowning, realising this line of questioning would be important after all, and knowing what's been happening with Luffy and Sanji she worries something is seriously long “We’re on our way to Big Pram? Why?”

To the side Robin blinks awake, and Nami sends her a sympathetic look but continues listening. Robin, seeing Zoro blankly watching Nami talk on the phone, frowns, moving over and sitting on the floor next to him, quietly being a comforting presence.

“I am going to meet you. There is a smaller island near Big Pram, go there please. It’s one of my islands but very few people live there.”

Nami begins putting a jacket on now, preparing to go to the navigation room to plot their new course “Why? What’s going on that you’re coming to meet us?” In her confusion she glances over to Zoro, shocked to see him staring but not really seeing. “Is… Is Zoro okay?”

Shanks sighs, rubbing a hand down his face “Not really dear. He’s just found something distressing. My crew and Mihawk are on our way to you now, we will sort this out. Just meet us on the island alright?”

 

“Okay.. He.. He’s worrying me. He’s just staring. Is this about Luffy and Sanji?” They had all been worried about the pair, having not realised they also needed to worry about Zoro. She begins to walk out of the room, so gently takes Zoro’s elbow to bring him along when he doesn’t move from his seated position. Robin gives Nami a look asking if she’d like the older woman to come as well, but at the small shake of her head Robin moves back to her bed.

Shanks nods again, looking out at the sea from his own ship with worry “Yes.. It seems things are much worse than initially thought. We are going to sort it, just keep an eye on them until we arrive. It will take us a day and a half.”

Nami holds Zoro a little tighter, more worried when he doesn’t protest against the hold. “Okay… We’ll keep an eye on all 3 of them.” She glances at Zoro as he keeps following her out onto the deck “Zoro… he doesn’t look good. He’s just quietly following me without arguing. It’s like the fight suddenly left him..”

Shanks frowns hearing that, looking to his own door worriedly hoping his partner will return soon “Hmm… He’s probably exhausted from everything, and overwhelmed. Just be gentle with him. I’ll go grab Mihawk soon to talk with him. Can he stay with you while you navigate?”

“Of course.” She looks at Zoro, pity in her eyes as she worries about him. She’s not used to seeing the strong man so compliant. “We’re in the navigation room now, I’ll plot our course to the island.” She sits at her desk, Zoro sitting quietly on the sofa nearby.

“I will call and check in again later, I want to speak with Luffy before we arrive as well.” Despite his best effort he can’t keep the worry for his son out of his voice. “Keep an eye on them for us. All three of them.”

Nami nods, settling in to start working. “I will.” With that Shanks hangs up, his promise to check in later hanging on her as she begins to plot their new route. It isn’t too big of a detour, it will take them half a day to arrive at the new island, and knowing ahead of time it is pirate friendly is a big relief.

As she works she glances up, getting a small sad smile at the sight of Zoro, folded in half, asleep on the sofa “...He’s out. Didn’t take long, but he can’t be comfy...” Quietly she walks over to him, pulling down a blanket to wrap around him, stroking his hair out of his face when he gives a small smile.

Nami doesn’t bother going back to bed once she’s set them on the new course, instead staying sat in the office watching Zoro. The man looked horrible and she feels bad for not noticing the strain he was under before now. Sure he didn’t often wash anyway, but his usually fluffy hair is plastered to his head, once curly locks now straight strands sticking in random directions. The worst part is the bags under his eyes. The man known for taking naps throughout the day clearly isn’t now, she doesn’t remember the last time she even saw him asleep.

At one point around 4am Mihawk calls again, but when she informs him Zoro was asleep the man decided to phone again in the morning, allowing the boy his sleep. Then he told her off for not also being asleep, leading Nami to grab her blanket and settle down herself.

 

By the next morning it was as if the night's events didn’t happen if you look at Zoro. Early, with the sun just breaking into the dark night, Zoro wakes. By this point Nami had fallen asleep in her own chair as well. Zoro glares at the girl, knowing he had been the reason she wasn’t in bed. With more care than is usually expected from the large man, Zoro picks her up, tucking her against his chest where her expression softens before carefully caring her back down to her bed. He entered the room just as quietly as the night before, happy to see Robin was still asleep. Carefully he lays Nami down in her bed, tucking the girl in before leaving again.

After that he makes his way to the men's room, happy to see both Sanji and Luffy still asleep curled into his Hammock. He finds himself a spot on the floor, his back against the wooden wall and able to see both the door and the hammock. He sits quietly watching the pair rest, waiting until they wake up to start their day.

Sanji is usually awake with the sun, starting the crew's breakfast early. But after his late night and rough time recently it takes another hour before he wakes up, stirring and having Luffy begin to wake up as well. Zoro sees the confusion on Sanji’s face as he wakes up in his bed rather than the kitchen, not remembering even falling asleep. But feeling Luffy shuffling below him he nuzzles the boy's hair, giving it a kiss before sleep “Go back to sleep Lu, it’s not wake up time yet.”

Hearing the familiar voice seems to settle luffy, and he cuddles close again going back into his deep sleep. Sanji slowly extracts himself from the bed, not noticing Zoro sitting on the floor as he straightens his suit and makes his way to the galley. Of all the boys on the ship Sanji is the one most concerned with his appearance, showering every other day, handling the laundry, changing suits every day. Yet as Zoro watches him go he realises Sanji isn’t doing any of that, wearing the suit he wore yesterday, his hair beginning to stick to his head with days old grease. But the man didn’t seem to care.

Zoro frowns, scared more now to let Sanji be alone, he stands, gently picking up Luffy and touching him into his chest to leave the bunkroom. Luffy shifts for a moment, but even in sleep he recognises Zoro, so he settles quickly against him and stays asleep. Once Luffy has shifted enough Zoro makes his way out, and into the galley.

In the galley Zoro pauses, watching Sanji move around tensely as he checks the containers Zoro had sorted last night. It was not the cooks usual organised fridge, but at least the food wasn’t bad.

“I cleaned it up. After we found you passed out.” He says casually as he makes his way to the sofa to sit with Luffy still on his lap.

Sanji frowns a little but nods, moving around to begin cooking breakfast without his usual fluid movements. Zoro waits to see if Sanji will talk to him about it all, but when it is clear Sanji is not going to speak he sighs.

“We have to talk about this Sanji.”

Sanji shakes his head, keeping his back to Zoro as he keeps making a simple breakfast for the crew “Nothing to talk about Zoro”

Zoro glares, though the heat behind it is overshadowed with concern “Like hell there isn’t. I saw what you did here last night. And I’m not stupid enough to not understand why. So we need to talk about it.”

“What is there to talk about if you already know what I was thinking?” This time Sanji’s voice was heavy with grief, not anger or annoyance, just defeat. He still refuses to look at Zoro, even as he begins slowing his cooking.

“You know I can’t just leave this cook. Not after what I saw. I can’t lose you.” He frowns, struggling with being vulnerable, despite only being with his partners. Still he holds his nerve looking at Sanji “I hated seeing that, I don’t want to wake up and find you gone, or find your body. Please Sanji.”

Finally Sanji still, looking at Zoro with regret and pain on his face “I… I’m just so tired…and.. scared”

Zoro sighs nodding “Yeah, yeah I know you're tired. And Mihawk told me about the news crow.”

Sanji’s eyes shoot up as he looks at Zoro “M-mihawk? Why would he…”

Zoro shakes his head, patting the seat next to him "Don't worry about that cook. Come here. He said about your dad being on the move? And the article about Ace? I know you were trying to protect Luffy, but why didn’t you talk to me?”

Sanji frowns but does move over and sit next to Zoro “I… He’s always at your side. I didn’t want to upset him more with my issues too.. But it.. It got too much..” Sanji leans over to rub Luffy’s hair while the younger is still sleeping.

“Idiot.” Zoro mumbles as he leans over to rest his shoulder against Sanji “You know Luffy would want to hear about that too, no matter what else was going on. But even then you could’ve spoken to me while Luffy was sleeping. I want you to talk to me.”

In the back of his mind Zoro can’t help blame himself for not making enough time for his partner, for ignoring the man’s needs and not realising he was trying to protect them at the cost of himself. Almost the same as Zoro was doing, a small voice, that sounded suspiciously like Mihawk, mumbled in the back of his head. Before he can think more Sanji was speaking again.

“I know… I just.. I’m still not good at asking for help.” He lowers his head, but tucks himself into Zoro.

Zoro sighs and brings an arm to wrap around Sani anyway “Yeah, yeah I know. We gotta get you better at that.” He lets them sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes before speaking “After breakfast I’m going to get Luffy to call Shanks, I think you should call Zeff at the same time.”

Sanji doesn’t reply for a minute, before giving a small nod “I.. I haven’t spoken to him in a while”

“Yeah, old man probably misses you. You should tell him about all this too.” Zoro lets him sit with those words before continuing “Now go and finish breakfast, the zoo will be awake soon.”

Sanji glares up at him “Don’t include my lovely ladies in that mossy bastard!”

Zoro just snorts as he goes back to quietly watching Sanji cook. He notices some of the tension has left Sanji’s shoulders now, being more relaxed now he knows he isn’t fighting alone and being reminded there are people in his corner. After a few minutes Zoro slips back into his head thinking over Sanji’s words. He can’t help replaying the idea Sanji didn’t think he was able to tell Zoro, even if his present reasons weren't Zoro’s fault, he still blamed himself for not being available for his partner. Not only had he failed to help Sanji, to keep him safe and happy, it also meant his attempts to help Luffy failed too. Because the boy was already grieving and because Zoro wasn’t able to help Sanji he was nearly grieving for 2 people rather than 1. Hell he still could be if Zoro couldn’t make sure Sanji stayed okay. He needs to be better. It isn’t a choice, it's a need.

Zoro sat with those thoughts swirling around his head until the end of breakfast, always in the back of his mind even as the crew enjoyed a relaxed meal, where Sanji actually joined them to eat and Luffy smiled. It was as close to perfect as they’d had in 2 weeks.

 

After breakfast Zoro keeps Luffy in the Kitchen, still not willing to let Sanji be alone but having an alternate reason as well. Once the rest of the crew leaves, shooting the trio worried looks, Zoro loosens his arms holding Luffy to his chest where the boy had settled with him on the sofa. The pair were watching Sanji wash dishes left over from breakfast.

“Luffy. Shanks wants you to call him before we see them.” He gently says to the boy, hand still rubbing his back in soothing circles, a habit he’d developed any time Luffy was on his lap over the last 2 weeks.

Luffy pouts, moving to hide his head in Zoro’s shoulder like a petulant child “No… Don’t wanna see him. We promised. Wasn’t meant to see him till I was a great pirate captain.”

Zoro gently cuffs him across the head “Idiot. You are a great captain.” He stands, carrying Luffy with him as he makes his way to the Den den, which Nami had returned to the counter when she had come to breakfast “You dialing him or am?”

Realising he isn’t getting out of it, Luffy climbs down, handing the den den to Zoro “I’m going to call him in the captain's office. Sanji should call Zeff.” Before either man can comment Luffy turns around and leaves.

Sanji stands still in the kitchen, back tenses where he was hunched over the sink. Zoro watches him, a small smirk on his lips “Seems he’s more knowledgeable than we gave him credit for.”

That gets a surprised chuckle from Sanji “Knowledgable? That's a big word for you mossy. Where did you learn that one?”

Zoro snorts, ready to retort when he realises what Sanji was doing. He crosses his arms, leaning his hip on the counter “Don’t try to deflect cook. You should call him.”

Sanji puts down the plate he was cleaning, hands trembling slightly “And say what? ‘Hey Zeff, I know you’re a million miles away, but I want to kill myself.’”

Gently the Den den is placed on the counter at Sanji’s elbow, Zoro trying to hide his own panic at the sudden confession keeps his voice neutral, “Yes. Actually talk about your feelings for once. He’d want to hear from you.”

Sanji glares at him, but shaking hands reach towards the den den, desperate for the comfort from his father “...He’ll worry.”

Zoro nods “Yeah he will, that's what family does when they care about someone. Go on. Talk to him.” Zoro moves to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of Sake, taking it back to the table quietly, letting Sanji know he’s staying for him, but not hovering.

Sanji takes a deep breath, typing in the number slowly, careful to keep his shaking hands going to the correct numbers. Once he’s dials the number he pulls up a chair and waits.

It only takes two rings before there is a click and a gruff voice answering “Damn brat, finally called me huh?”

Hearing the voice of his father after not calling for 2 weeks Sanji immediately sniffles “D-dad I-” He takes a breath to try to control himself but he can feel his emotions quickly taking hold, the breath not helping as words tumble out “I-I want to come home. I want to kill myself.”

Zoro stared wide eyed at Sanji, he knew Sanji had been struggling, but to instantly break down? That was terrifying. He grips his sake bottle harder as he takes a drink to steady his own nerves. Right now he wanted to wrap both his boys up and next let them leave. Guard them from the world. But he lets Sanji talk, knowing this is better.

“None of that crap brat. You aren’t coming back here, I’ve finally hired a decent waiter to take your place.” Zeff huffs, but it’s clear in his gruff way he’s worried for Sanji “I need you to find the all blue so I can build a second restaurant.”

Sanji chuckles wetly at that “Y-you want a second?” The normal conversation relaxes Sanji slightly.

“Yeah brat. This place is doing great, well enough I could retire on it. So I plan to leave this one managed by one of these bastards and open another in the all blue. Unless you beat me to it?”

Sanji shakes his head “Y-you can open it when you find the all blue.” His voice cracking as he grabs a chair and sits down, trembling more as he lets his pain reveal itself.

Zeff frowns at that “You aren’t giving up on the all blue are you brat? Do I need to come out there and beat your ass?”

Sanji lowers his head, tears gathering “I… I can’t do this anymore dad.. I’m so tired.”

“I’ve heard.. You batch cooked everything?” The frown is audible in Zeff’s words, no more insults flowing. He sighs, not needing Sanji to respond when he hears him sniffling “Why didn’t you tell one of those partners of yours before it got this bad?”

Sanji shrugs, head hidden “I… I didn’t want to make things worse. Luffy is struggling, he… Its the anniversary of Ace’s death tomorrow…”

“So you think it would make it better if he had 2 death anniversaries to grieve next year?” Zeff glares at the den den, hating to make his boy feel guilty, but knowing it's the best way to get through to him.

“I… I hadn’t thought about that.” Sanji loweres his head in shame, realising the consequences of his way of thinking.

“That’s right, you hadn’t thought at all had you?” Despite his gruff words the tension is leaving Zeff as he notices the emotions coming out in Sanji, and the fact he is finally letting himself be vulnerable.

“I- of course I thought! It’s just better if I’m not here to bother them! To not bring his attention to them again!” Zeff knew getting Sanj upset would get him to reveal more about what's going on in his head, the way he always did as a kid.

“Like hell it would! Idiot kid, you really think your boyfriends find you a burden?” He takes a moment to breathe “Those brats already fought that bastard for you once, you think they wouldn’t do it again?”

“Well- Luffy’s grieving and I can’t even help him! I’m just gonna bring more pain to them!” At this point tears have gathered in Sanji’s eyes, the idea of hurting those he cares about being too much.

Zeff frowns more, looking at the phone with concern “You’ve helped him. You took that article away so he wouldn’t read it right? Knowing you, you've also been making him special meals, his favorites?”

Sanji shrugs, getting into his head again. Before he could get too deep Zoro called out from his seat at the table “You’ve been making everyone unique plates. More than normal.” He grumbled.

Sanji nods slightly, looking back to the Den den “Y-yeah… They.. They have different preferences so I’ve been making meals tailored to each person.”

“Every meal?” Zeff grumbles when he hears a hum of agreement “Idiot boy. That's part of why you’re exhausted. Just put salt on the table and let them change their meals there. Do we make each person's meal different at the Baratie? No. They’ll be fine eating the same as each other, they’ve survived on that this long. They care more about you than the food anyway.”

Sanji stays quiet for a minute, thinking over the older man's words. Eventually he lowers his head again, whispering “I just… I just wanted to be useful to them..”

“Idiot boy.” zeff huffs, annoyed but happy they’re getting to the heart of the issue, a heart he knows all too well sadly. “You are the damn cook, the most useful person on a ship. You are a damn god fighter too. What's it they call you three? ‘Demon trio’. Sounds pretty damn important to me.”

Sanji blushes as nods a little “I-I guess.”

“Damn right brat. Now, tell me about your meals until the next island, I want to hear you’re still using proper cooking techniques.”

****

Luffy makes his way to the office quietly. It wasn’t used by the captain very often, usually used by Nami instead, as overflow for accounting work. But now it is empty of people, so he makes his way in, quietly sitting at the desk and staring at the Den den. Next to this one was a similar list to that in the kitchen, just in Luffy’s messy handwriting instead of each crew member's style. He had copied the list a week after it had appeared in the kitchen, insisting as captain he needed to be able to contact the families of all his crew.

Luffy doesn’t need to look at the list however to remember Shanks’ number. Despite not being allowed to see the older pirate, Luffy has been frequently calling him ever since they parted ways all those years ago. Initially it had been every week, an excitable child Luffy rambling on about his adventures, before listening to Shanks well into the night until his gentle snores bled through the phone.

Now he was adventuring as well, they phoned less frequently, both being busy pirates. But Shanks usually phoned him after the big events (read: When he gives the older man a heart attack), if Luffy hasn’t phoned him before he gets the news crow.

This time it had been nearly a month. They hadn’t meant to leave it so long, these things just happen. And now Luffy can’t help nervously biting his lip as he dials Shanks’ number. He knew Shanks wouldn’t be angry, the man was incapable of being truly angry at Luffy, but he didn’t want to disappoint his idol. He wanted him to see him as an equal, not the snot nosed brat he left on dawn island. Yet now he was going to see him and cry and be a mess, because he missed him and he missed Ace and Sabo and life isn’t fail.

Just as he was thinking this, the line was answered “Hello?” The voice wasn’t Shanks, but Mihawk. Luffy remembers the last time he saw Mihawk in person, and with his already building emotions it only took hearing the man's voice to start sniffling.

The voice on the other end sounds almost panicked as it speaks again, a sound very few hear from the stoic man, but he sounds genuinely worried as he hears the ‘sunshine child’ start crying “Kid? What’s going on? What’s happened?” There is shuffling but the voice doesn’t change, just mumbles off to the side.

Luffy sniffles more, before speaking, trying to keep his captain's voice despite clearly sounding upset “I-I’m calling to talk to Shanks. P-please put him on the line.”

There is cursing then the phone is filled with Shanks’ voice “Hey bud, it’s me. What’s wrong? You really scared Hawky there.”

Luffy sniffles quietly a few times before speaking “S-Sorry. I- Zoro said you wanted me to call before we meet?”

“Yeah.. Yeah kid. But what’s with the tears?” He frowns as more shuffling is heard behind him, but Shanks sounds less panicked as he says that.

“I-I… I didn’t want to call you or see you before I was stronger and I was thinking about that before you answered and then Mihawk answered and I remembered the last time I saw him with A-Ac-” He cuts off with a wet sob he can’t stop anymore.

“Shit. Kid I-I’m sorry. I forgot that's the last time you saw Hawky. He’s coming with us to meet you guys though. Zoro needs him. That okay? I can have him stay on my ship if that’s easier?”

Luffy hiccups, trying to control his sobs before he speaks again “N-no… It… It's okay… Zoro deserves to see him and b-be able to fight h-him. H-he needs that.”

Shanks sighs but nods, proud of his boy “Alright buddy, we’ll just stay away a little bit from him if it gets too much. You think he and Zoro are going to fight?”

Luffy nods, relaxing a little talking about Zoro rather than thinking about the situation “Y-yeah. Zoro stressed. He isn’t letting any of it out, he’s just helping me and Sanji.” Despite his own state Luffy is still observant, able to tell what’s going on with Zoro despite not being able to do anything to help him.

Shanks nods along “Yeah, we thought that was what was going on. That’s why we’re coming to see you all. That's okay with you anchor?" He wasn’t going to stop their journey, too worried, but he wanted it to appear like Luffy had a choice.

“Y-yeah… I understand. I don’t like it but I know why you’re coming.” Luffy wipes his eyes, looking at the Den den.

“Good. I know this isn’t how we planned to meet again but you are a great pirate captain now so at least we have that part.” Shanks’ voice is soft as he speaks again, genuine in his words as he smiles. The crew would often brag about Luffy, celebrating his adventures and how strong he was already while still a rookie.

Luffy sniffles silent for a moment, then in a quiet voice asks “Y-you think so?”

At the broken question Shanks’ heart shatters, his ray of sunshine broken down to this level? “Yeah kid. Hell, I think a lot of people agree. You declared war on the government to save your crew mate, you fought several warlords, seemingly made friends at every village, and with a lot of strong pirates. I have no doubt at this rate you’ll become the youngest Yonko and the king of the pirates.”

Luffy doesn’t respond for a minute, taking in the words, before sniffling again “B-but I failed, I… I couldn’t protect them. I lost Ace..”

“Oh Ancor.” Shanks sighs “I’m sorry. But that one isn’t on you. Some very strong people fought in that war. Not even Whitebeard could save him. But you got the closet. You got him down and you were there with him even when you didn’t have a crew behind you.”

Luffy keeps sniffling quietly for a few minutes, before giving a weak nod “I-I guess… But they still all got sent away.. I couldn’t keep my crew.”

“They got stronger. I heard about the training that swordsman of yours did. Even Hawky is impressed with him now.” He smiles, remembering Mihawk ranting about Zoro, hearing the smile in the other man's voice.

Luffy sounds surprised when he speaks again “R-really?”

Shanks relaxes, glad his risky mention of the other man paid off “Yeah kid. Your whole crew is strong now, but that swordsman is something special. I watched him train for a little bit. Remember when I told you had to visit Mihawk? I helped him with Haki training.”

Luffy nods along, listening quietly as he starts to calm down.

Realising Luffy isn’t going to say anything Shanks continues speaking “I stayed with them for a little under 2 weeks. They’d already started his haki training. Kid wasn’t a natural, actually he sucked in the beginning. But he sure is determined. Even when he was annoyed, the kid didn’t give up.”

Luffy giggles at that, whispering “Sanji calls him thick headed for it.” In the chair he curls up a little, bringing his knees to his chest to listen.

Shanks laughs as well “I can imagine that too. How is Sanji doing?” Now he hears Luffy is more relaxed and he gets back to the conversation at hand.

Luffy looks nervously to the door as he answers “.. He’s phoning his dad too. Zoro has been with him all day. He kept all of us together. I normally stay with Zoro so we just cuddled on the kitchen sofa.”

“Good, that's good to hear. We aren’t too far away from you now, should be on the island within 2 days, okay?” He smiles as he listens, glad they're all together.

Luffy doesn’t respond for a minute, genuinely thinking “...I can keep the hat?”

Shanks can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of him at the question “Of course kid, you can keep the hat until your king if the pirates. Until you can beat me in battle.” He grins proudly, having no doubt the day will come in the next few years.

“Shishishishi! Hell yeah! You come help everyone then! We’ll see you soon!” With that he hangs up abruptly. Still laughing, Luffy runs from the office back to the galley, only slowing as he gets to the door as hears Sanji still on the phone. He quietly opens the door, making his way to the chair next to Zoro.

Zoro looks up at him, tipping his sake bottle at him in acknowledgement and opening arm arm for Luffy to cuddle into his side, noticing the redness around his eyes. He doesn’t say anything as he looks back to Sanji after Luffy shakes his head, leaving his arm open incase Luffy changes his mind. He doesn’t want to push the younger, it isn’t uncommon to see him crying over the past 2 weeks, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Luffy follows his gaze and frowns. There are tear tracks running down Sanji’s face, but he has a relaxed smile as he chats away into the phone. Luffy looks back to Zoro and sees the tension in the others shoulders and reaches out, voice quiet.

“Go call Mihawk. I’ll stay with Sanji.” His tone is gentle, but an edge of his captain's voice present, worried for Zoro and knowing the man’s selflessness with them.

Zoro looks at him, then looks at Sanji. It’s clear he’s worried about leaving them, but with an encouraging nod from Luffy again he still can’t convince himself to leave “Luffy he.. You’re both still delicate. I can’t leave yet. What if he breaks while you’re struggling?”

Luffy shakes his head, smiling “We have each other, and Zeff. Go talk to your dad. Him and Shanks are together and he said they’ll be here in 2 days.”

Zoro frowns, still not convinced “I spoke with Mihawk last night.”

“Not really though, right?” He gives him the weird all seeing look Luffy does, as if he can read all your secrets “You were tired and not Zoro. But now Zoro is Zoro so he can call his dad and talk like he made me and Sanji.” Despite having left Zoro before he really broke, Luffy still knows what condition he was in when he spoke with Mihawk.

Zoro stays quiet for a moment before sighing and nodding “Okay. I’ll go talk to the old man. I won’t be long. He should be on call for a while still.” He gives Sanji one last glance at the last comment, before standing and walking out “Come get me if it gets too much okay?”

“Yes yes. I got it! Go Hawky!” Luffy giggles as he uses the nickname Shanks uses for Mihawk.

Zoro pauses, before nodding, and exits the room. After that he numbly walks to the office, sitting in the chair and simply staring at the phone. He really didn’t want to call Mihawk, he wanted to rest, to sit and watch his partners. But he knew Luffy would not let him go back until he had called the older man.

Slower this time, Zoro dials the number, waiting for Mihawk to answer, while hoping he wouldn’t.

To his surprise it was Shanks who answered “Hey kid, calling back so soon?” He had expected the call to be Luffy after he hung up so suddenly.

“Sorry, not Luffy. He’s sitting with Sanji.” There was a hint of a smile in his voice, though it wasn’t Zoro’s usual tone.

“Ah, Zoro” Shanks’ voice changes to something softer, and while Zoro can’t pinpoint the emotions behind it, he decides he doesn’t like them. “Thank you, for taking care of them.”

Quietly Zoro nods self-consciously, even though Shanks can’t see him “Yeah sure whatever. I would have done it even without thanks, they’re my partners.”

“I know, and I’m glad you care for them. Luffy is my boy, I like to see him cared for. Don’t forget yourself though, alright?” Here is a hint of ‘scolding father mode’ in his voice, though unintentional.

Zoro grumbles, but doesn’t outright refuse so Shanks takes it as a win as he smiles and stands.

“I’ll go get Hawky for you, give me a second.” There is shuffling on the other end then it goes silent as Shanks leaves the Den den on the table to find Mihawk.

Zoro lets his eyes close as he waits for the other man to pick up the phone. He hadn’t realised how tired he was until then, and now with his eyes shut his mind begins to settle, almost luring him into sleep before Mihawk’s voice fills the line, waking him up.

“Brat. You did decide to call again then? Good.” Mihawk’s usual gruff voice is in place, but when he only gets a grunt of agreement in return he gives an annoyed huff mixed with something more “Oi. I told you before. Use your words.”

Zoro grumbles before speaking, the exhaustion clear in his voice “Stop yelling old bastard.”

Mihawk sighs, rubbing his temples “Yeah whatever. Give me a report, what's going on?”

Zoro straightens up, looking at the Den den now, giving a report is easier, something he knows “Luffy phoned Shanks, Sanji is calling Zeff. They’re both in the kitchen, Luffy said he’d stay with Sanji and I should phone you. Didn’t let me say no.”

Mihawk nods along, thinking for a moment “What about sleep? How did you all sleep last night?”

Zoro closes his eyes again, tiredness taking over at the thought of sleep “They slept right the way through, Sanji was up at his normal time, I joined him in the kitchen with Luffy. Luffy slept until breakfast was made. I got a couple hours.”

Mihawk frowns again but nods “Good. You need more sleep.”

Zoro rolls his eyes under his eyelid “Yeah.. Know.”

“Yeah…” He thinks for a moment before turning to Shanks behind him. After a minute Shanks’ voice fills the phone.

“Yo. Hawky wanted me to tell you about Luffy. About some of the things he did as a kid so you can know what you’re getting into, and maybe tease him some.” There is a softness to his voice as he speaks, a joy at being able to talk about his kid.

Zoro smiles, and hums in agreement. He wants to stay asleep to listen, but also feels like he could fall asleep any second.

Noticing the boy's lack of response, Shanks isn’t bothered and begins his stories. He keeps them light, none of the stressful stories, and in less than 5 minutes Zoro has stopped making noises of acknowledgement and is asleep. Shanks grins and continues to tell stories for another 5 minutes to make sure he stays asleep.

"Rest well kid, we'll be there soon." Shanks whispers with a gentle smile before hanging up, promising to help the kids as soon as he can.

Chapter Text

It only took a day and a half for the Red haired ship to dock next to the thousand sunny. The straw hat crew had disembarked once their ship had been secured, though they didn’t go far into the island, simply making a fire on the beach and waiting. Even Luffy, ever willing to run off to a new adventure, had just sat quietly on the log, tucked into Zoro’s side. Zoro had kept his swords attached to his side, watching out to the forest of the island for danger. Despite Shanks’ previous assurances the island was welcoming to pirates, and expecting the crew, Zoro couldn’t relax. He had been so on guard to protect the other 2, it being easy when the only danger was themselves, but a crew with their captain not at 100% relied on the first mate and he was not letting any one get in trouble.

Seeing the Red Force docking, Luffy looks across and starts trying to stand himself, slipping out of Zoro’s hold, wanting to go to his father. He tugs Zoro up with him, who in turn pulls up Sanji, not wanting to leave the man alone and knowing they all need to make their way to someone on the ship anyway. Zoro allows himself to be tugged closer to the ship, Grateful Luffy decided against slingshotting them onto a ship for once.

The trio felt Shanks’ haki wash over them, the captain confirming there is no danger and he can let his crew go off freely while he focuses on his kid. He knew his crew were plenty capable of taking care of themselves and the younger crew, but it was good to have the reassurance so he can focus entirely on helping the younger three.

As soon as Shanks makes his way off the ship Luffy slingshots himself over to the man, letting go of Zoro’s hand. Luffy flies right at Shanks’ chest, wrapping around the man like his name sake with a cry. “Shanks!” before his head buries itself in Shanks’ neck, where he looks like he will not be moving from for the next few hours.

To his credit Shanks only stumbles slightly, before wrapping his arm around his son and stabilising them so he can walk further onto the docks so the rest of his crew can disembark “Hey Anchor. Glad to see you’re still in one piece.”

Luffy doesn’t say anything in reply, content to just tuck his face into Shanks’ neck and hide from the world in the safety of his dad’s hold. Shanks takes it in stride, ribbing his back carefully and looking over to the other two who have now made it to them. “Hey. There are 2 people on deck who want to see you two.”

Sanji looks confused, but Zoro, assuming it is just Benn and Mihawk, nods and tugs Sanji onto the ship “Thanks. Keep Luffy safe, we have a fire set up on the beach.” With that he made his way onto the deck of the Red Force, trusting the older man with his partner, and now only having to worry about getting the other to one of his safe people before he can truly start to relax.

Once they make it onto the deck Zoro looks around for who Shanks had mentioned, while Sanji tenses next to him. Seeing no immediate threat on their allies ship, Zoro frowns and turns to look at Sanji, worrying when he sees the other shaking and his hand going slack in his hold. The look on Sanji’s face can only be described as pure shock and depression, something he never wanted to see again.

Zoro holds his hand, looking to what has given the man this reaction only to freeze, seeing Mihawk casually talking to Zeff as the pair lean against a railing. Despite his own shock, Zoro relaxes at the sight of the older cook, nudging Sanji forward as he calls out “Would’ve been nice to have a warning old man!”

Mihawk shoots him a glare as the pair turn to look at their adopted children, pushing off the railing to start walking over “Oi. Less of the old, brat.” But despite his words there isn’t any heat behind it as he looks Zoro over, frowning at the deep bags under his eyes.

Zoro just rolls his eyes at the comment, but the normalcy after everything helps him relax, he doesn’t remember the last time he was able to freely banter with something given Sanji’s stress for the last 2 weeks. His shoulders relax as he steps a comfortable distance from Mihawk, until he feels Sanji isn’t moving.

Beside him Sanji had gone tense, having not expected to see Zeff. He was doing better since the pair's phone call, but still wasn’t one hundred percent, so seeing his dad had tears coming to his eyes “I- How? How are you here?” he asks as he takes a scared step forwards, not leaving Zoro’s bubble of safety yet.

To that Mihawk smirks, trying in his own way to break the tension and comfort the boy the way he did with Zoro “My doing. She may be small, but my little ship can go when she needs to.”

Zeff laughs at Mihawk's words, his gruff joy helping to break the tight air with something more familiar to Sanji “Youdamned brat. That thing is a death machine, not a ship. Don’t insult real ships by putting that thing on the same level.”

Before Mihawk has a chance to respond, Sanji rushes across the deck and, similar to Luffy, throws himself at his father, though he keeps his feet on the ground and somehow appears more composed until they see his shoulders begin to shake. He tucks himself into Zeff’s chest, like he did when he was small and having a bad day, hiding his face in the older man as he lets his tears fall silently.

Zeff huffs and ruffles his hair before bringing his hands down to rest on Sanji’s back, not rubbing, just being present “You’re fine eggplant. I’m here now.” He holds him close to his chest, not making the boy speak, just letting him take his time to feel.

Sanji clings to the older man, finally letting it all out as silent sobs shake his shoulders, his hands gripping Zeff’s shirt as the front becomes wet. They do not appear like they will move for a long time.

Zoro frowns as he watches, worried for his partner but knowing in that moment this is the best place for him to be. Despite that he still wants to walk over and take Sanji into his own arms, to be the one to comfort him and make him feel better like he normally does on the ship.

He steps forwards, going to join the hug before he feels a hand on his shoulder, grip firm and stopping him from moving anywhere “We both know that isn’t the best idea right now. Come on, we need words as well.”

Zoro shakes his head, glaring at Mihawk “No. I’m not going anywhere. Even if I don't join them, I'm staying here in case they need me.” He isn’t talking about just Zeff and Sanji, as his eyes dart over to look at Luffy still wrapped in Shanks’ arms as the pair make their way back onto the deck. He keeps himself positioned in the area between them, able to go to either whenever they need.

Mihawk curses Zoro in his head for giving him wrinkles the amount he’s been frowning recently, the expression once again settling into place despite his insistence he isn’t the boys parent and doesn’t care for him “No. You need to take care of yourself now. You’ve had your time taking care of them, leave that to their dads now.”

Zoro looks between Sanji and Luffy, clearly nervous to leave the pair of crying men, so used to being their support system and having them rely on him. He again shakes his head “I won’t interfere, but I’m staying on deck.” With that he walks over to the mast and sits down, leaning against it so he can see the pair and the gangplank onto the ship.

Mihawk keeps frowning, but takes this as progress and sits next to him “You look like shit.” He only half glances at the boy, eyes staying forwards on the father-son pairs, knowing Zoro would take eye contact as an attack.

Zoro grumbles, eyes staying on Luffy and Shanks who were closest to the gangplank. He knew the conversation to come, after his short call with Mihawk the other day, and the condition he had been in the first time they called, still he didn’t want to talk about it, so was going the petulant child route.

Mihawk grumbles himself now, frustrated at the lack of reaction “You really are a brat. If you aren’t going to talk to me you are going to nap. Those are your options, choose one.”

Zoro glares over at him “Fuck off. We aren’t training anymore, you don’t get to boss me around.”

It was true, Zoro’s training had ended so he had no claim to him, but he still cared deeply for the boy, and wouldn’t see him hurt “You’re right, your training is done. But you still haven’t defeated me, and against my better judgement, I still care about you. I will drag that captain of yours over here to give you orders if I have to.”

That seemed to set Zoro off, his hand quickly going to his sword “don’t you dare.” He unsheaths his sword slightly, getting ready to fight Mihawk without even standing “He needs this. Don’t you dare worry him with my crap too.”

Mihawk pauses, fully looking over Zoro, studying him, as if seeing him in a new light, a more mature first mate energy around him “You care for the brat.”

“Of course I do!” His voice raises, anger filling his tone.

“Then why aren’t you taking care of yourself too?”

“Because- Because I don’t have time! I need to keep them safe, make sure they’re okay, make sure the crew are okay while their captain is out of commission, and be ready to fight if danger comes!” He is breathing heavier by the time he finishes speaking, putting more emotion into the speech than he realised.

Mihawk brings his own sword in front of him now, resting it in his lap, still in its sheath but prepared to fight, not a threat, a promise “You think a yonko crew, an ex warlord, and a man who cut off his own leg for the boy, are going to let anything happen to them? You aren't that dumb are you?”

“I… I don’t know. But I have to protect them, that’s my job as first mate.” He frowns, looking at Luffy and Sanji in turn, his worry evident.

“And who protects them when you pass out? Because a small breeze is going to knock you over right now.”

He knew they were safe, knew they were okay, but he still worried about them, still wanted to be there for them. It was his job, his role in the crew, in their relationship he was the protector. If he wasn’t what else did he have? But maybe that was okay too sometimes.

But after a few minutes he sighs and nods, his hand dropping from his sword as his head rests against the mast behind him “Fine, I’ll nap. But you stay awake and watch them. And wake me if anything happens.”

Mihawk nods, hand still on his sword as he watches them, his motion clear. Zoro fights sleep for a few minutes after that, trying to make sure Mihawk is going to keep his word, that he will protect the other two. But when he sees Mihawk is sticking to his word, like always, he lets his body react and within seconds he is asleep. Unintentionally his head falls and rests on Mihawk’s shoulder, making the older man smile, even as Shanks smirks over at him.

As he said he would, Mihawk watches over them all, seeing how both fathers are able to begin breaking down the issues their son is having. As he watches he knows these conversations today aren’t going to fix it, aren’t going to remove years of trauma and pain, but hopefully speaking about it will help them not push it all onto his boy.

After a few minutes Zeff brings Sanji over to sit next to Zoro, almost carrying him as he seemingly exhausted himself with his emotional outburst. After making sure he is settled Zeff slowly lowers himself to sit on Sanji’s other side.

Mihawk looks over at them, but doesn’t say anything when he sees Sanji’s eyes staying on Zoro, just observing as Sanji takes a turn worrying about his partner.

“...He’s okay right? Just tired?” The usually confident boy's voice is small, almost shy.

Mihawk huffs in agreement “Yeah, brats fine. He just overdid it. He’s been worried about you and that straw hat for too long. He’ll be fine when he’s rested and remembers to take care of himself as well.”

Sanji nods, going quiet. Zeff lightly cuffs Sanji in the head “See? This is why you gotta talk about this shit.”

Sanji glares at him, getting back enough energy to yell, “You’re trying to guilt me now?! Damn old bastard!”

“Shut up brat. Get some sleep too. Once that other idiot has had his rest we’ll all be having a talk.” He puts a hand on Sanji’s lower back, remind him of his presence like when he was a child.

Sanji grumbles but doesn't really protest, cuddling into Zoro’s side with Zeff’s weight and hand on him is enough to calm his remaining worries and let him slip into a dreamless sleep quickly.

Once he knows Sanji is asleep Zeff slumps slightly, leaning heavily on the mast as he turns his eyes to Mihawk “Oi. Give me your hip flask.”

Mihawk glances over at him, appearing uninterested as he raises a single eyebrow “And why do you assume I have one?”

“Because you always have wine brat. Now gimme.” He closes his eyes as he holds his hand out to the man “A good chef remembers drink orders.”

Mihawk rolls his eyes but hands over a flash from his pocket “You know they have alcohol on this ship too. Shanks is always having parties.”

Zeff snorts “I don’t want none of that pirate’s crap. You look like a man who knows his wines.” He takes a drink and hums, a smirk settling on his lips “I was correct.”

Mihawk smirks “Of course. Though being higher class than the party ship isn’t exactly hard.”

“Are you making fun of my ship again, Hawky? I’m hurt. I thought you loved me.” Shanks gasps in mock offense as he carries Luffy over to the others, the younger curled up against his chest, long since passed out from emotions.

His words have no heat as he walks over with a soft smile, scanning over the other boys before sitting against Mihawk, Luffy still on his lap, curled up safe and comfortable.

“Just your alcohol.” Mihawk rolls his eyes, but gently rests a hand on Shanks’ leg in silent comfort, keeping the other on his sword as promised. He knows seeing Luffy again is a lot for the other, but he’s keeping it together because of the boys emotions.

“So cruel, so mean.” Shanks grumbles, but keeps his dramatics quiet. They sit quietly for a while, just focused on their charges and the weight put on them, remembering how cruel the world can be to even rookies, but especially the strawhat crew.

After a moment Shanks’ expression turns serious as he looks from the sleeping trio to the other men “We need to have serious words with them.”

Zeff chimes in now, gruff voice with an edge of worry “Damn brats, they’re all exhausted. Thought they knew better ways than this shit.”

Mihawk hums "They're all hard headed, they rely on each other, but maybe too much now.” Despite his words the concern is thick in his voice, even as he has been a father figure for the least amount of time, and more played a mentor role in that.

Shanks nods along, looking down at Luffy before glancing at Zoro “He’s taken on their pain. They want to protect each other and aren’t talking properly, hiding things. It’s not healthy.” His hand finds Luffy’s hair, playing with it worriedly.

They sit in silence after that, thinking over what they had heard from their child before they quietly start comparing notes, getting a clearer picture and not liking it. But the main thing was they needed sleep and support, so for now they continued to let the three sleep, not moving them and agreeing when they awoke they’d have words with them together.

***

The three slept for three hours, as the warm day shifted into chilly evening and the strawhat crew made their way onto the ship to speak. And yet they looked peaceful throughout, even as the noise of some celebration on the beach and ships began quietly, they stayed cuddled together sleeping.

Zoro was the first to wake up, always ready to defend, having noticed more presences on the ship. He blinked awake a few times, shifting to grab his sword, only to feel the steady breathing under him and the pressure of Sanji at his back.

“Relax kid. It’s your crew.” Mihawk huffs, but at the same time bringing a hand up to stroke his hair gently, the one that had been on Shanks’ leg.

Zoro looks at the group and relaxes, letting his eyes slip closed once again “They’re always too loud.”

 

Luffy grumbles, eyes still closed “No one makes fun of my crew…”

Shanks snorts, a wide grin convering his face as he ruffles Luffy’s hair “wow, even half asleep he’s a captain. That’s my boy.”

Mihawk cuffs him in the head with a grumble “Shut up. Being an idiot like you isn’t a compliment.”

As Shanks goes to reply Sanji grumbles, hiding his head in Zoro’s side “It’s too early for your arguing Luf… Shut up or fight Zoro outside.” Sanji doesn’t even bother opening his eyes, too exhausted still to even register fully what’s happening, but also feeling too safe with his boyfriends to care.

Zoro gets a gentle smile, bringing a hand to play with Sanji’s hair and kissing his forehead “Not me and Luffy this time Curly, it’s our dads.”

Sanji stills, then remembers the events of the last few days and grumbles, curling back into Zoro, tense and trying to hide “Shit…. Can we just go back to the ship?”

Zoro shakes his head “sorry no. They want to have a sit down chat with us when we’re awake.” He looks worried again, looking over Sanji “But if it is really too much you don’t have to.”

Zeff grumbles, about to argue and insist when Sanji sighs and nods “I’ll stay and talk, it’s probably important we do anyway. Can I at least make dinner first?”

“Food?” Luffy wakes up fully now, poking his head up as his eyes zero in on Sanji, but Shanks keeps an arm around him, stopping him from moving yet.

“No anchor. My crew will be cooking for yours while we're here. We need to talk first, then food.”

Sanji looks disappointed until Zeff pats his back, already knowing what Sanji is thinking “Me and you will cook some too eggplant, don’t stress yourself."

Sanji nods, relaxing a little but still stressed “Okay… Okay fine. But.. Snacks for the conversation.”

“You’re not getting out of this eggplant. You’re all awake now, let's go talk.” Zeff smirks.

Sanji grumbles but nods, sitting up straighter as he looks around. He notices members of both his crew and the Red haired crew scattered around the deck and frowns “Not here. We can go to the Sunny or something?”

Shanks shakes his head, standing with Luffy still in his arms, the boy not complaining, just wrapping himself around Shanks happily “No need. We can use my office. It’s not far and we have plenty of seating. My crew knows not to bother us. And Benn can be acting captian for both crews incase of trouble”

There are a few mumbles and nods, before they begin to stand, shifting so they are with their parental figure but also close to their crewmate. Zoro, forever the protector, scans over the deck and beack, quickly taking count of the strawhat crew and making sire none of them are injured, before finding his place behind Luffy and Sanji to walk to the office.

Luffy notices Zoro’s actions and frowns whispering to Shanks “Zoro always wants to take care of us, even when he’s hurting too. Even now…”

Shanks looks back and hums “Yeah. That's part of why we're talking to you all together. That should help get through to him more.”

Luffy nods, curling into Shanks’ side more as they walk “Good… I have too many emotions to help them. But I want them to get better. They need to get better and they need help.”

“We know kid, you’re okay. Just- You just feel your emotions okay? We know it’s a hard time. We all understand.” He pulls Luffy tighter to his side, keeping an arm around the boy protectively.

Luffy nods, going quiet for the rest of the walk to the office. It really doesn’t take long, just slipping below deck. And the room itself was indeed spacious, two plush red sofas on either side of the room, with a desk in the middle and 3 chairs.

Despite not wanting it to be an interrogation, the older men sit on one sofa quickly, side by side with enough space for only them, making it obvious the other three were expected to sit on the other.

While the three men sat side by side, Mihawk and Shanks with shoulders and thighs touching in silent comfort, Zeff having his space beside them, the others were very different. Even with the seriousness of the discussion as soon as Zoro and Sanji sat down, Luffy sat basically laying on them, legs laying across Zoro as his back rested against Sanji’s chest. Neither of them minded, actually finding relief in having the boy so close. They both rest a hand comfortably on him, reminding him too of their presence hoping he wouldn’t get too distressed at the conversation to come.

It's quiet for a moment, the younger three refusing to meet the others gaze, looking anywhere else instead. Finally Shanks breaks the silence “You know why we need to talk right? This isn’t healthy behaviour and you all need to have better strategies to deal with your emotions.”

Slowly all three of them nod, but at their lack of verbal reply Shanks speaks again “We are going to go over what the issue is for each of you, you can talk during that, but no blaming each other. Understood?”

Again they all nod silently, but Luffy speaks up this time “Can I go last? I know my issues and talking about him is going to make me cry and I won’t recover quick enough to help with the others' conversations too.”

Zoro frowns more at that, holding Luffy a little tighter “He doesn’t need to rehash it all. He understands, especially if he can talk about it like that.” He looks up, eyes falling to Shanks in a protective challenge.

Before Shanks can argue his point Luffy is shaking his head, sitting a little straighter and cupping Zoro’s cheek making him look at him instead “No Zoro. I need to- I spoke to you about it a lot. And thats not fair, I shouldn’t be just putting it on you. I need to find ways to deal with it. They can help.”

Zoro frowns, cupping Luffy’s cheek to make him look at him “But luf, you break down every time you talk about him. Plus normally you’re better, it’s just this month..”

Luffy nods “Yes, but that shouldn’t only be on you Zoro… I need help. I want help and you should want that for me too. I can’t keep doing this every time.”

Zoro looks at him, something flickering in his eyes for a moment before he slowly nods “okay… Okay I wont stop you… But if you need to stop, you stop okay? Ignore them and do what’s best for you.”

Luffy giggles and nods, kissing Zoro’s cheek “I will, I promise I’ll be careful.”

Quietly behind them Sani speaks up “I… I think the suggestions might be similar for me as well.” He glances over at Zeff, relaxing when he gets a small nod “I just… I need to learn to deal with my emotions and process them better. Plus… Rmember the trauma skills and teach them the signs, if thats ago.”

Zeff huffs but nods “Damn right you do. Should’ve kept you in therapy and not let you in my damn kitchen.”

Sanji glares but doesn’t argue, looking to Shanks now for him to take the lead again, trying to mentally prepare himself for the long talk to come.

Shanks nods “I don’t know everything about your situation but I think you are right Sanji. In that case why don’t we start with Zoro.”

Zoro looks at him, glares, and holds Luffy tighter where he had moved his hand to hold Luffy’s side “Me? I don’t need to. It’s them with the issues, I’m just tired. I’ll be fine when I sort my naps out again.”

Mihawk snorts “Just tired? Brat. Why are you tired really, why haven’t you been napping? Maybe because you haven’t stopped caring for them long enough to take care of yourself. When was the last time you cleaned your swords? Or meditated?”

“Well I haven’t had time. You know they state they’ve been in, I couldn’t leave them. I had to help them.” Zoro straightens, not noticing the pair next to him tensing up, upset at having unintentionally hurt Zoro.

Shanks raises a hand to stop Zoro, frowning but his voice was light, with no accusation “Zoro, what did we say about blaming others?”

Zoro frowns, looking at the pair as he slumps a little “I- I wasn’t blaming them. I was just- Just explaining the situation.”

“No. That was deflecting, blaming them. And it explained your issue as well, though we may need to break that down more.” Shanks keeps his voice calm and level, he takes a moment to glance at Mihawk but when the man waves him off he continues “Zoro, why do you think their pain is more important than your well being?”

Zoro grumbles, trying to figure out the words before he simply snaps “Because it does. They’re hurting. I’m fine.”

“No. Try again.” Shanks crosses his arms, eyes level with the boy. Mihawk watches with a frown but lets Shanks lead, knowing if he tried to confront Zoro more it wouldn’t be productive.

“Wha- The fuck?! You can’t just tell me no.” Zoro growls, voice coming out in a defensive snap.

“I can and I just did, now, try again. Why do they matter more?” Shanks voice stays stern, a level below his captians voice but still authoratative.

“Because I wasn’t in pain. I can go without meditating or whatever else for 2 weeks, it’s fine.”

“... Zoro hasn’t trained in a week. He hasn’t sparred in 2 weeks.” Luffy’s voice is quiet, smaller than normal, but filled with worries.

Mihawk looks shocked at that, straightening as he looks at Zoro “Is that true? You nearly destroyed the manor every time I made you take a rest day.”

Zoro shrugs trying to act casual even as he brings a hand to play with Luffy’s hair, the action more nervous than his normal comforting touch “Well yeah. I’ve had other things going on. I hadn’t really noticed it has been so long.”

“And when was it time for you brat? Have you done anything for yourself in the past 2 weeks?” Mihawk snaps now, unable to hold himself back even as Shanks puts a comfroting hand on his thigh.

“Like I said , old bastard, I havent had time!” He snaps this time, his grip on Luffy’s hair tightening. “I’ve been fucking busy! I don’t need time for myself, I need them!”

“And where does that end? You keep self sacrificing then what? What happens when you crash from it all? Or when you break like before you phoned me?” Mihawk hadn’t intented to be so harsh, but seeing Zoro going quiet, deflating as Luffy and Sanji look at him with matching expressions of worry, he knows it had been the right call.

“...Zoro? What is he talking about?” It was Sanji’s small voice this time, worried and nervous. He only knew about Zoro calling Mihawk when he was phoning Zeff and he had seemed fine before that.

Zoro frowns, looking at the floor “The… The night we found you passed out… when Luffy got you to bed I didn’t know what to do and I called Mihawk.” he goes quiet after that, hugging himself.

Mihawk frowns, staying quiet until recognising Zoro wasn’t going to say more, and speaking in an calmer voice thanks to leaning into Shanks more heavily “You were dissociating. You came out of it partially when you cleaned the kitchen, but it was from taking on too much Zoro.”

Sanji frowns more, knowing how awful it is to dissociate. He shifts, hugging Zoro “... I had no idea.”

Zoro nods “That was the point. I didn’t want to worry you or Luffy, so I sent him to bed with you before I really broke down. I had been so scared.” He closes his eyes, hating the memory of what he found days ago. He holds Sanji tighter as if he might lose him now.

“That is the problem Zoro. You shouldn’t be getting to that point. You should have reached out for help before that point. It shouldn’t have gotten that far.” Shanks looks over Zoro with a frown “Or when you knew it was too much you should have spoken to them as well, not just us.”

Zoro shrugs slightly “Yeah but it happens. I had to help them both. They were in awful states. I couldn’t put it on Sanji in that moment and Luffy didn’t understand what was going on.”

Luffy had been listening quietly for a while but now sniffles, looking up at Zoro “I did… But I was scared of losing him too and made myself believe it was just a dream because I went back to bed afterwards and you didn’t mention it again.”

Zoro frowns at that, pulling Luffy close and kissing his head “Luf… I’m sorry…”

Luffy nods into his chest, hugging him and nod moving.

Shanks watches the interaction worriedly but nods “We will talk more about you all discussing issues when we talk about Sanji, for now Zoro?” He waits until the boy looks up at him again “Who helps you? If you are focusing on them, and putting everything on your shoulders, who supports you?”

“I don’t need help, I’m fine.” He keeps his arms around Luffy, playing with his hair gently again.

“Really? Is that why you called me dissociating and not knowing what to do? Is that why we’re here?” Shanks probes, trying to be gentle while also making Zoro see the point.

Zoro goes silent, knowing the older man was right. He couldn’t handle everything on his own for his partners, but he was terrified to not be there when they needed him, to not be able to support them “...I… I can’t let anything happen to them. I can’t lose them. Yet… Yet I was so close to losing them… And I wasn’t able to do anything both times.” His voice is barely a whisper, breaking their hearts at his admission finally.

“Zoro…” Sanji has tears in his eyes as he looks up at Zoro, hugging him as well when he can’t find the words.

“You won’t lose them. You just need to sit together and come up with better solutions. You need to learn to ask for help, to tell them you need them to talk to someone else as well.” Shanks keeps his voice gentle, not accusatory.

“They tried with the crew, but they needed me.” He lowers his eyes to the pair hugging him, the pair trying to comfort him despite their own pain.

“Do they? Or do they need support? Zoro, you aren’t the only solution in this situation. There are multiple ways. We will work on them asking for help better, working out how the crew can support them as well when needed. But for now we need to work on you. You won’t lose them. You know that right?”

Zoro shrugs, looking away again “...I nearly did. I wasn’t there when they needed me. I failed them both.”

“What do you mean?” Shanks asks gently, knowing what he means but wanting the boy to voice it.

“When… When Sanji’s family came I couldn’t keep him safe, I let him go with them and I didn’t even follow after him, I went to Wado and didn’t help. Then when I found him in the kitchen the other day. I was nearly too late and I didn’t even know it. And Luffy…” He looks down at Luffy now, frowning as his eyes drift down to the scar on his chest “I wasn’t there when he lost his brother. I wasn’t there when he got hurt so badly. He nearly died and I wasn’t there for him.”

They watch Zoro, worried when tears fill the boy's eye. He wasn’t the only one who felt guilt for that day, Shanks had his own emotions after he was too late to help Luffy, to save his big brother. But he knew now he needed to help Zoro with his grief by sharing his own. “Do you know I was there, just 10 minutes after Ace died?”

Both Zoro and Luffy look up to Shanks shocked “What?” Luffy’s voice cracks with emotion and confusion. He had never heard what happened exactly after he passed out.

“Yeah. I was so close but I wasn’t able to get there in time. By the time I arrived Luffy was passed out from the stress and his wounds. I sent him off with Law without seeing him.” Shanks goes quiet then, letting the words sink in. He leans a little more into Mihawk as well. It had taken several late night conversations with the man to come to terms with his guilt and move past it.

Zoro holds Luffy closer “So? Why are you mentioning that now? You trying to make Luffy feel bad?”

“No. The opposite. I’m trying to stop you feeling bad. I had so much guilt from not being able to help him, for not getting there in time. And I had to work through that. I had to be reminded I wasn’t the only person involved, not the only person who could have acted.” Shanks studies Zoro for a minute before speaking “You still blame yourself for not being there, don’t you?”

Zoro frowns, looking at Shanks quietly for a minute. Because really what can he say? He does still blame himself. Does still think he did something wrong. He finds himself slowly nodding.

Mihawk sighs, rubbing Shanks’ arm “One conversation doesn’t fix it. It takes a while for the idea to hold. It took you 6 months after all.”

Shanks nods along, grumbling for a minute before looking at Zoro “Will you try? Try to stop feeling guilty? You were too far away, had fought hard to protect your crew in a battle days before and when you finally learnt what happened it was already too late. There was nothing you could do.”

Mihawk speaks again “And when you were training you used that guilt as motivation. Even if you can’t completely get rid of it using it as motivation to be better is better than running yourself ragged.”

Zoro looks at Luffy before nodding slightly “I’ll try..”

Shanks nods “Good. For now that’s all we ask.”

Mihawk looks at him, studying him for a while “You also need to stop taking everything on your own shoulders. That’s part of it. You can’t be strong to protect them if a simple breeze will knock you our.”

“I want to help them.” Zoro frowns, not enterly sure if he’s arguing against MIhawk now or agreeing to try. Maybe both.

“Look, I know you were alone before joining that crew, You had to hold it all on yourself. That can be tough.” He subtly shifts to hold Shanks hand “But you’ve been with them long enough now to learn how to act, how to share problems.”

Zoro quietly plays with Luffy’s hair before speaking “...I’ll try.”

Mihawk nods “Good. I’ll be calling to check in as well, making sure you really are. Or you can share your problems wit me instead.

Zeff shifts on the sofa now, eyes narrowing in on Sanji “That means you have to learn to rely on people properly eggplant. Makes it easier for them.” He knows they all need to work on that, but he does pin a lot of Zoro’s stress on not knowing how to help when the others haven’t been communicating properly.

Sanji curls in on himself nodding, Holding Zoro’s shirt as he feels what’s about to come “I know.. I’m sorry…”

Zeff nods gruffly, looking to Shanks “We pausing or can I start on eggplant?”

Shanks gives a smile and nods “Nah go ahead if you think he can handle it.”

Chapter Text

Sanji frowns as he looks over at his adopted father. He knew his turn was coming next, knew he had to confront his issues, but it was still terrifying, and shuffled closer to his partners wanting their reassuring presence.Next to him he feels Luffy rub his cheek against Sanji’s arm, the younger always having his strange ways of showing his love, but it never fails to make Sanji smile. He looks up at Zoro next, the man looking smaller than normal with his shoulders slumped, but he still smiles at Sanji as he runs a hand, gentle only for Luffy and Sanji, through his hair.

“If this is too much, say so. We can stop or take a break whenever you need. You don’t have to do this.” His tone is non judgemental, a calming presence that always made Sanji relax. But he shakes his head, tapping Zoro’s cheek with kisses fingers.

“No… I think I need this. We need this. We’ve got to get better, Zoro. Plus if I take a break, I won't want to restart.” Before Zoro can argue more, because Sanji can see it on his lips, he turns back to Zeff “Ready old man?”

Zeff smirks, something like concern settling in his expression despite the common face “Yeah brat, lets get started. Wanna tell them what you have been hiding?”

Luffy frowns, looking at Sanji worriedly but staying surprisingly quiet, knowing Sanji needs his time. Instead he reaches a hand over and starts playing with Zoro’s fingers in a nervous habit. The other allows the action, not commenting as he lets himself be the rock for them both.

Sanji sighs and nods, pulling the paper from his pocket “Knew you’d ask that… both?” He fiddles with the papers nervously, trying to keep one hidden from Luffy’s eyes as he checks which is which.

Zeff glances at Shanks before he shakes his head, eyes staying on Sanji to not give away what is on the other paper “Not yet. Keep the other in your pocket for now. We’ll talk about it later if we need to.”

Sanji’s shoulders lose a little of their tension as he puts one of the papers in his pocket, unfolding the other scanning over it again, like he could have forgotten the words written on the crumpled paper. “I… You know how I always get the news and mail and give it to the crew?” He waits making sure the other two strawhats nod, even with his eyes trained on the paper “Well.. Two weeks ago we got the paper but… It was bad so I hid it. Threw the rest away and kept these parts..” He holds out the paper then, forcing his hands not to shake.

Luffy sits up from where he’d started laying against Sanji’s back and looks over his shoulder. His eyes scan the paper and he frowns, his expression a mix of anger and worry “This.. This is about your asshat of a dad?”

Sanji nods, hands starting to tremble slightly as his nerve folds, the reality of the situation hitting hard “Y-yeah… He’s on the move again.. They aren’t sure of his goal but he was making his way in the direction of the Baratie again..”

Zoro wraps his arms around Sanji silently, his grip firm and grounding. Zoro was angry. Angry at Judge for stressing out Sanji, angry at himself for not noticing this was the reason Sanji was upset. But he doesn’t speak, knowing now isn’t the time for his emotional outburst, that it won’t help the situation, so he stays a quiet and reassuring presence.

Luffy whines, looking at the paper and then Sanji’s face worriedly “I thought we finished them enough to not cause us issues?” Behind his worry Shanks catches a captain’s fury, a deep desire to protect his crew and he smiles.

Sanji reaches over to play with Luffy’s hair, a gentle reassurance he was still doing okay right now, despite the pain the article had been causing him, “Technically they aren’t causing us issues yet.”

Luffy frowns shaking his head “They’re causing you issues. They made you stressed, upset you.” He leans into Sanji’s touch, pressing himself into his side again. “This is what's been upsetting you for the last 2 weeks?”

Sanji sighs, nodding “Yeah. I just- I hate him, and I hate that he can still impact my life after all this time. But after the wedding and all of that crap, I guess I just… I’m scared of him still.” Sanji looks down at the end, the anger draining from him as he reveals the truth of his emotions, realising them himself as he spoke them aloud.

Across from them Zeff looks livid, ready to attack Judge himself. Shanks puts a hand on the other man's shoulder to keep him from doing or saying something he would regret, giving him a look that means they’ll get revenge together later. Despite not being as close, Shanks and Zeff respect each other, and support each other in looking after their brats, and it wouldn’t be the first time they discussed ending Judge.

Luffy jumps onto Sanji, wrapping himself around both Zoro and Sanji in a tight hug “No. I told you before you’re mine and he isn’t taking you. We won’t let him.”

Sanji nods, taking a shaky breath as he hides his head in Luffy’s shoulder, letting his eyes close as he feels safe squeezed between his partners “T-thank you captain… I… I’m sorry you have to deal with my family crap.”

Luffy frowns more, looking at Sanji confused before nuzzling his hair “What? Not your fault your family are asses.”

Sanji frowns, going quiet as he cuddles them, and clearly not willing to speak more. Luffy keeps holding Sanji, not wanting to pressure him while Zoro rubs small circles on his hips where his hand is trapped. Across from the trio Zeff speaks up after a minute of silent reassurance “Eggplant. Tell them.” He’d noticed the tension in Sanji’s shoulders, his attempts to hide his true feelings.

Sanji slumps, keeping his head hidden in Luffy’s shoulder, refusing to meet anyone's gaze, even as it makes his words harder to hear “I… I don’t want to be a burden to you and Zoro, especially when you're upset… I thought… The issues I’ve got with my family aren’t even affecting us at the moment… yet I still got so… Upset? I didn’t want to put that on you too.”

Luffy frowns, tugging up Sanji’s head gently to look at him with a small head tilt of confusion “A burden? But you’re my partner? I don’t understand.”

Zoro smiles at Luffy’s simple interpretation of Sanji’s words. He knows that Luffy seeing them as his partners means he is not going to see their issues as a burden. He remains quiet though, glancing at the older men and remembering he doesn’t have to fix them both, especially as he feels his own heart crack at the way Sanji’s view of himself is like Zoro’s own view of himself.

Sanji gives a quiet chuckle and shakes his head, a sad smile coming to his face “I know Luffy.. But my family, they…They bring trouble.. I didn’t want to cause more issues for the crew, to make them have to fight for me.”

Luffy growls, moving away and letting go of the pair to hold Sanji’s shoulders and look him in the eye “The hell?! Of course we’d fight for you, you’re one of ours. You’re mine. I would fight anyone for you, happily.”

Zoro kisses Sanji’s hair, holding Sanji’s hips gently to keep him close, showing his own support and need for the cook. “It’s true curly. Not just us. The whole crew would fight for you.”

Sanji starts sniffling at that, trying to hide his head but unable to move with Luffy still holding his shoulders “But… But you shouldn’t… You shouldn’t have to. I already made you come get me once when you were meant to be in Wano. I shouldn’t be causing issues like this. I shouldn’t have been upset about a possibility, stressing about that while you are dealing with an actual issue.”

Luffy grabs Sanji’s chin suddenly, making the other man look at him before he speaks “You are worth it. We need you. I don’t want to lose you, and you are not an issue. Nor is your trauma. They fucked you up Sanji. They ruined your childhood. It would be weird if you didn’t freak out at seeing them again acting like that.”

Sanji looks at him, big blue eyes filling with tears, but love shining through as he gives a small nod “I-I’m sorry.”

Luffy shakes his head, kissing Sanji on the nose with a small pout “No. No sorry. Sanji isn’t a burden or a bother or anything else his silly brain comes up with. I wish you had told us you thought that.”

Sanji sniffles and shrugs, eyes looking away for a moment in shame. He knew his partners would have this reaction, would comfort him and tell him they didn’t mind, but the small voice in his head would always make him worried about acting on it “You were in pain…”

“So were you.” Luffy kisses his nose again, this time with a small smile “But if we spoke about it 2 weeks ago you wouldn’t be in so much pain now. And then I wasn’t in as much pain and we could’ve just cuddled all the feelings away for the last 2 weeks instead of both being in pain and putting it on Zoro.” He glances up at Zoro at that last part with a brown, but when the other shakes his head he nods and looks back to Sanji.

Sanji goes quiet at that, he knew Luffy was right. He knows he should have spoken to Luffy and Zoro about the newspaper 2 weeks ago, and shouldn't have hidden it at all. But he was scared, stupidly. Looking at Luffy now he knows his captain would have been supportive, would have given him the reassurance he needed.
“I…. I’m sorry… I was scared…”

Zeff speaks up, his gruff voice tense with worry, knowing what his kid is like and how he reacts “Oi. He’s gunna need the assurance for a few days now. Stupid brat does when he bottles things too long.”

Sanji looks over to glare at Zeff “Old bastard.” But he’s only greeted with a smirk. They both knew he was right, remembering when Zeff would be gentler for a few days after a break, offering quiet reassurances in his own way.

Luffy starts peppering Sanji’s face with kisses then “I will tell him every day how important he is, and how much I love him, and all the good things about him.”

Within seconds Sanji goes bright red, trying to hide his face again, though his small smile lets them know he appreciates it, even when his voice whines with embarrassment “L-luffy…”

Luffy grins, pulling back to settle in sitting next to Sanji again, his shoulder pressed up against Zoro but close to Sanji to feel his presence “I love you.”

Sanji curls into Zoro again, but rests a hand on Luffy’s leg. Zoro had stayed quiet, half in his own head from the conversation, the realisation of what Saji had been feeling pressing hard on his shoulders. But the other half of him is trying to follow the advice he was forced to listen to, to not try and fix everything, especially as Luffy is handling Sanji so well and doesn’t need him.

Mihawk and Shanks had been watching the three closely, reassured by Luffy’s emotional awareness but also checking the boys to see if they are alright. Noticing Zoro’s quietness, and his still body behind Sanji, they frown. Mihawk nods to Shanks before he speaks up “We need to work on your communication issues, all three of you but starting with Sanji. Do any of you need a break before we carry on? Zoro?”

Luffy and Sanji go to shake their heads, but pause at the mention of Zoro, having not noticed anything off as they spoke. They were used to his quietness, his silent protection and listening ear when they needed, but looking up at him they feel different, notice the tension in his jaw but shoulder pressed into the sofa behind him, not leaning towards Luffy now he’s pressed into his side. Slowly Luffy reaches up to tap Zoro’s cheek “...Zoro?”

Zoro looks down at Luffy, giving him a small smile, hiding his surprise at being called “What? Sorry captain. Just tired.”

Luffy frowns, eyes scanning his face as he looks for a lie “Are you okay? We’re gunna start talking more but if you need a break we can take one.”

Zoro frowns at his own words of reassurance to Sanji being used on him now, and he shakes his head, forcing a soft smile to his lips “Yeah. Just tired.”

Mihawk speaks before Luffy can react “And now the truth Roranoa.” His tone sharp, leaving no room for lies.

Zoro glares at him before slumping in his seat more. He refuses to look at Sanji or Luffy as he thinks over his words “You all said not to blame.”

Mihawk leans forwards to scan Zoro’s face, nodding when he sees what he’s looking for, “That’s correct. Find a way to explain without blame.”

Zoro frowns, hugging Sanji closer before slumping “...You were going to kill yourself.” His voice sounds disconnected, the tone similar to when he first called Mihawk, but not as lost, showing he isn’t fully gone yet, even as he doesn’t mention everything in his head, the worry for Sanji or the stress from hearing the way he talks about himself.

Sanji frowns, cuddling into Zoro more, turning so he could rest his head against the other man’s chest “...I didn’t want to. I wanted to stop being a bother.”

“Didn’t want to? Why couldn’t you talk to us about that? To me?” Zoro can’t hide the hurt from his voice, the pain slipping in. He loves both Luffy and Sanji more than he thought he could ever love someone again, and the fear of losing them is breaking him.

“Because… Like I said Luffy was hurting. You were taking care of him and I already felt like I was being a burden. I didn’t want to cause more issues. I couldn’t help with Luffy so I didn’t want to add to your problems.” Sanji frowns, curling in on himself a little more and refusing to look at them. He knows now his mindset was wrong, but at the time he couldn’t think of another solution.

“But you really thought ki- doing that to yourself would not cause issues? It would’ve broken us.” Zoro’s usually steady voice is cracking now.

Ssanji whimpers, tears flowing now as he looks up at Zoro seeing the pain on his face “I.. I’m sorry..”

Zoro frowns and hugs him close, feeling guilty for upsetting Sanji. They stay silent like that for a while, Sanji quietly crying while Zoro holds him close trying to take all of the pain from him and hold it in himself even as his own heart is too full to handle any more. Luffy sat to the side of them, touching both men but letting them talk now, still reeling from all of the information.

When no one spoke up again the adults shared a look, worried at the heavy topic and knowing it needed to be spoken about more but allowing the boys to calm down before they carry on. Finally when it seems Sanji’s tears have slowed Shanks speaks up, his lack of closeness to either boy helping him broach the topic “Okay. I think we need to talk about that more. Are you both in a good place to discuss it or do you need another minute?”

Sanji takes a deep breath and nods, not looking at them but moving his head Zoro’s chest so he can be heard “Y-yeah… We should talk about it.”

Zoro nods, despite the heaviness in his mind he knew this needed to be talked about, and now Sanji was willing to talk about it he didn’t want to jeopardise that. He wouldn’t ruin this for Sanji. Even if he was struggling to stay present.

Luffy watches the pair, a frown still on his face. He didn’t like this conversation, it scared him to think of losing Sanji to something he couldn’t fight against, but that was exactly why they needed to talk about it and not just ignore it. Luffy lets his eyes scan over each of them, seeing Sanji look determined with his fear, while Zoro looks worried he knew it was difficult for them as well, but they would manage.

Shanks scans them all before nodding “Alright. But if you need to take a break during the discussion, speak up.” He stops a moment, making sure they are listening, before looking at Zoro “Zoro, since you brought this up, is there anything else you would like to say?”

Zoro takes a breath, struggling to get his words together at first, but once he starts speaking the worry flows out easily “I… I wish you’d talk to us. To me. You mean a lot to me curly. I don’t want to lose you. I want to help you, to get you the help you need. Finding you like that it was.. It was terrifying.”

Sanji frowns but nods, gently stroking Zoro’s arm that was around him, trying to prove to them both they are still here, together “I’m sorry.. I know I should have talked to you about it. But you were looking after Luffy, and you looked so tired I didn’t want to bother you.” He trains off as he looks up at Zoro, the eye bags that had formed slowly over two weeks heavy on the tanned skin.

“Sanji.. You aren’t a bother. I need you. Please.” His voice has a desperate edge to it now, the conversation length meaning all his walls are down as his mind keeps slipping, struggling more and more but staying grounded thanks to Sanji’s touch.

Sanji nods, cuddling closer “Okay… I’m sorry. I’ll try harder in the future.”

Zoro nods, resting his head against Sanji, unable to push the conversation more, feeling the tiredness and intensity of the conversation wash over him. But with the reassurance that Sanji will try he knows he doesn’t need to push more, and that the others will help him too.

When it becomes obvious Zoro has nothing else to say Zeff speaks up again, his own concern clear, remembering similar self value issues from when Sanji was a child “Kid. You know you are valued, correct? For more than just your family, they love you.”

Sanji nods, hugging himself, looking down away from Zoro “Yeah.. Yeah I know.. But… I just get in my head when it comes to my family..” He shrugs looking up at Zeff “I still forget… the shit they said isn’t exactly easy to forget you know?”

Zeff nods, remembering nights holding a young Sanji as he cried, days hunting for his new hiding spot. “I know, kid, but we worked on methods for this. Have you been doing your writing still?”

Sanji looks away, shaking his head slowly as shame makes him blush “When I first joined I was, but we’re been so busy and doing so many adventures and I just… I forgot.”

Zeff sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose recognising the cycle of self destruction Sanji has gotten himself stuck in. “So you haven’t been writing, you didn’t call me. Have you been cooking for longer periods again?”

“... Yeah.” He chews his lip nervously, looking away and shrugging “I know it’s bad… I can’t help it.”

Behind him Zoro lets out a small whine, quiet enough only Sanji and Luffy hear. The pair pause, sharing a concerned look before Luffy hugs Zoro, whispering quietly to him until Zoro gives a small nod and nuzzles Sanji’s hair.

“You stupid eggplant. You know you need those things to keep you stable.” Zeff growls, frustration and worry clouding his voice.

“I’m sorry…” Sanji makes himself appear smaller, shoulders hunched and knees coming to his chest.

“Don’t be sorry, be better. That's why we’re here. We need to work on this. You know you need to talk to them in these situations, but I think you should tell them the signs to look out for as well.” Zeff keeps watching him, his eyes a determined glare as he repeats the words spoken throughout his time with Sanji.

Sanji takes a breath and nods “Yeah… Yeah probably.” He frowns a little, still nervous about putting it on his partners when they have their own issues, but he looks up at Zeff and knows the man will always support him, despite his harsh look, and relaxes.

Luffy suddenly hugs him, squeezing him tightly as if he could squeeze out all of the worry “Please? Let us help you? You help me when I feel down, you make food for the crew to make them smile when they’re home sick. I wanna be able to make you smile too.”

Sanji moves from Zoro’s hold slightly to hug Luffy back, nodding as he hides his head in the others’ shoulder “Okay. Okay I’ll tell you. The old man can help too. He’s noticed a lot of them.” Sanji takes a deep breath to calm his nerves before beginning to explain the signs he is struggling.

The list isn’t too long, his food issues, both cooking too much and eating less, his bad sleep, isolation and hiding in small spaces. Zeff also adds in being quiet, spacing out and desire to do extra to please, as well as his nightmares. By the end Sanji is looking smaller, shaken by having to remember all his issues at once, but there is a determined edge to him, the side that wants to be better for his partners, to rely on them.

Luffy nods along, trying to remember everything, but in the end asking if they can write it down so he can learn them so he doesn’t miss it again, which Zeff says he will do once they finish talking. Luffy grins at that, kissing Sanji’s head with a promise to learn them by heart and always make sure Sanji is already. Zoro stays quiet, though Mihawk narrows his eyes as he watches his boy. Zoro hasn’t moved his hands from Sanji’s hips, still resting there where they had been grounding him, his forehead pressed against his bed. While it appears he could be napping, they know he isn't.

Zeff looks over the three, nodding when he sees they all settle with the new information, “Now. Sanji tell them what you need in those situations.” He could tell them himself, but he also knows this is a good step to making them communicate.

Sanji frowns but nods, taking a deep breath and looking anywhere but the others in the room “I try pushing people away… But that makes it worse. Proves to my head I’m the issue. I need to be around people, even if I hate it. Except for nightmares. Nightmares I can only handle 2 people after, I get nervous.” He pauses, looking worried as he pauses, still uncomfortable putting all this on Luffy and Zoro.

Luffy nods along, squeezing Sanji’s hand, giving gentle reassurance and confidence that he wants to hear this, that he wants to help. When Sanji looks up at him and gets a soft smile he visibly relaxes before continuing.

“Food. Food is harder. It has a lot more memories attached depending on the trigger. If I cook more, that's because I want control. Anything I can control makes it easier. If I’m eating less it’s memories of The Rock.”

At the mention of The Rock Zeff growls, rubbing his stump unconsciously until Shanks pats his leg. Zeff takes a breath, nodding to the man, before looking back at Sanji. While his issues about the rock are not as bad as the younger ones, it was still an awful experience for both of them, and he knows how much it traumatised the boy.

Hearing Zeff’s reaction Sanji curls up a bit, thinking he’s made things bad for Zeff and that he messed up, until Zeff speaks “That rock was shitty brat. We are both allowed negative reactions to it at the same time. Remember that.”

Sanji takes a breath and nods “yeah, it was awful. It's most of my bad memories. That or the dungeon.” He pauses at the mention of the dungeon. He had told both Zoro and Luffy about it before, but it was difficult every time he had to think about it. “I can’t deal with things on my head. Especially anything cold and hard. If I have a nightmare about the rock I sometimes have to check the food supply when I wake up.”

Again Luffy quietly nods along, gently rubbing his thumb over Sanji’s hand in quiet comfort “When I put my hat on you, does that make things worse?”

Sanji thinks for a moment before shaking his head “Not typically. But if it is a bad day, yes. Anything on my head on a bad day makes it worse. That's why some days I tug my hair, the movement of it gets too much. The straw feels like bugs every time I move on those days.”

Luffy frowns, holding him tighter but nods “Got it. And you’ll tell me when it’s a really bad day right? You won’t hide it anymore?”

Sanji nods, “I’ll try. I promise. Sorry.” He takes a breath, closing his eyes, speaking without having to be prompted about the signs, “Extra bad days I’ll take a longer shower, the water on my head helps ground me.”

Luffy nods, hugging him, relieved Sanji is letting him in, even in a small way “That’s okay. Asking for help can be scary. But Sanji is brave, I know he is.”

Sanji tears up, pulling out of Zoro’s hold to hug Luffy properly “Thank you. I.. I’m not good at asking for help. I don’t always know how.” Sanji curls into Luffy a little more.

Luffy nods, holding him tighter “I know. Neither do I.”

Sanji takes a breath before speaking quietly “Before Zeff I couldn’t ask for help… Even with him it was kinda terrifying. I want to rely on you and Zoro, I’m just not sure how… It’s… It’s really hard.”

Zeff clears his throat “Yes. That's why we also need to talk about how to communicate your issues.” Zeff looks over the pair frowning “You need to talk about the ways you want to communicate your need for help. It doesn’t have to be verbal, could be a sign or a chart or some crap.”

Luffy nods, quietly thinking while Sanji bites his lip. He thinks back to when he first joined Zeff, when he wouldn’t talk about his issues, letting it boil over until he would sneak into Zeff’s room and hide in his closet. Eventually the older man had bought him different coloured bracelets to communicate his stress, though he hadn’t used them in years, switching in his teens to yelling at his pseudo father.

“Eggplant. You start.” It wasn’t really a request, though he wasn’t using his usual forceful way with the boy, just the stern voice he used back then to make Sanji speak up about his issues.

Sanji opens his mouth to speak reluctantly, knowing it’s better to just get it over with so they can go and cuddle properly. However before he can speak Mihawk holds up a hand, cutting him off. “I apologise. Can one of you tap Roronoa on the cheek? I suspect he has either zoned out or is dissociating right now.” His voice is surprisingly calm, despite the gravity of his words.

That causes the pair to tense up, looking up at Zoro worriedly, guilt washing over them as they realise neither of them noticed Zoro struggling right behind them. They share a worried look as they scan his face, neither recognising his expression, making it worse.

Zoro’s eyes don’t move when his name is mentioned, still staring unseeing at the ground where they had been trained on Sanji before he moved to hug Luffy, his arms still limp on his lap in the position they were holding Sanji in. Luffy worried his lip as he cups Zoro’s cheek, rubbing it gently in hopes of getting a reaction. “Zoro?”

Zoro blinks a few times, his eyes making their way slowly up to meet Luffy’s after a second call. The way his eyes move makes him look almost tired, sluggish and unfocused as they search for the sound of his name, until finally they settle onto Luffy. He has no other reaction to the voice, not even leaning into the gentle touch as he normally does when feeling vulnerable but trying to hide it.

Luffy rubs his cheek, scared seeing Zoro like this, the usually strong rock now with a crack down the middle he doesn’t know how to put back together. With tears in his eyes he drags his eyes away from the older boy, to turn to look at the adults for help. Next to him Sanji gently starts rubbing Zoro’s thigh, trying to ground him and show him support, even as his words fail to materialise.

For their part, the adults’ faces twist in worry, understanding the gravity of the situation when Zoro doesn’t respond to Luffy at all. Mihawk realising he should have stepped in when he first noticed Zoro zoning out, and not let him get this far, feels guilt clawing at him, tearing at his insides until Shanks squeezes his hand in quiet reassurance. They will talk about that later, allowing Mihawk to feel worry for the boy he at some point started seeing as a son, but now isn’t the time for that, now they need to help the boys.

Mihawk’s voice is firm as he stands up, commanding enough to provide the youngsters with some comfort in their confusion, and leaving no room for misunderstanding or doubt, but still gentle with his own concern heavy “He is dissociating. We are taking a break. It is likely all too much for him at once and the stubborn boy didn’t want to admit it.”

Luffy tries providing Zoro with more comfort, but unsure what Zoro needs all he can do is press himself closer into his side, hoping somehow his presence can be enough to bring his partner back. Sanji, also looking concerned and lost, grips Zoro’s hips, glancing between him and Zeff silently. Still as Zoro doesn’t move or react to the new position Luffy has to hold back a whimper, looking to Mihawk who is now nearly next to them. “How do we get Zoro back? I don’t like Zoro like this”

Mihawk looks over them worriedly, eyes settling on Zoro’s glazed over expression. In their 2 years training he had seen this expression only twice. The first time was when the news first arrived about Ace, and the plan to separate for 2 years to train, and secondly a week before the crew was to rejoin, when Zoro was all packed and prepared to leave the next morning. Both times Zoro had returned in a few hours, having done some menial task and had quiet time with either himself or Perona present. He had refused to speak about those episodes, other than saying he had never had them before and would not do so again, which clearly had been a lie.

“The best way to bring him back is for him to have some quiet time cleaning his swords. Though I would prefer he be a little more present before he moves anywhere. Continue to speak to him, hearing a familiar voice will remind him he is in a safe place.” While any menial task would do, telling Luffy and Sanji a specific task would help them in the future when this happens again so they didn’t have to think of one while stressed. At the mention of a safe place Luffy and Sanji look at each other determinedly, before they press in on either side of him, squeezing him between them like they sometimes do to sleep.

After a minute of gentle touches and warm presence pressed against him, Zoro slowly begins leaning into the hand cupping his face. Luffy grins at this development, but still nervous for his partner he keeps his voice as calm and quiet as he is able to, but he can't help as he begins rambling “Zoro? Can you hear me? We were talking about Sanji but we can stop for a little bit if it’s too much. I know it is a lot right now. And it’s okay if you need to take a little time in your head, we can wait for you here and keep you safe. I just want you to be okay. You like this is really scary Zoro. I’m not used to seeing you like this.”

Zoro slowly frowns as the tone and rambling settle over him, though he cannot yet pin down the words, he knows when Luffy speaks like that something is wrong. He slowly moves an arm, the limb feeling like it's moving through tar, until he can settle it on Luffy’s hand on his cheek, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles. “...Upset?” Zoro voices at the same time, his voice thick with exhaustion.

Luffy quickly shakes his head, quickly trying to relieve the worry from Zoro, not having meant to stress the older out more than he already was. Despite that he can’t help his small smile when he hears Zoro’s voice, even small and distant. “No. No, not upset. Worried. But that’s okay. Is Zoro back with me?”

Beside them Mihawk frowns, concerned that Zoro is still putting the others above himself, that when dissociating the thing that brings his back is worrying for Luffy, thinking the other is upset. He runs a hand through his head before sending a sharp look to Shanks, trying to tell the other their conversation hasn't sunk into the stubborn boy's head enough yet. Shanks nods in acknowledgment, realising this whole situation may be more difficult than they initially thought.

Zoro takes a while to respond again, his brain slow to register the words, but allowing them to sink in more this time he is able to understand what Luffy said and lets his eyes close, assessing himself and feeling the protective comfort of his partners before shrugging, “...I don’t know?”

Luffy nods, trying not to show his worry on his face as he glances at Sanji then Mihawk for guidance. Seeing the tight lines on both of their faces he frowns more, feeling pressure to help Zoro and bring him back more. He gently strokes Zoro’s cheek again with his thumb, keeping his hand still and letting Zoro rest against it. “That's okay. You don’t have to be back yet. Mihawk said you like to clean your swords like this?”

Again the response comes slowly, but eventually Zoro nods, speaking quietly but recognizing the action and the benefit of it “Yeah… Don’t have to think.”

Luffy grins, happy to see Zoro thinking and no longer completely gone “Good. Then you can clean your swords and come back to us when you’re ready, okay?”

Zoro gives a small nod, though Mihawk notices the tension in Zoro’s shoulder, the pressure he’s putting on himself to try to come back quickly for his partners. Mihawk finally steps in, tugging Zoro up gently by the elbow, getting the younger to stand, “Come on. We can use the kit down in Shanks’ quarters. It’s quiet down there.”

Zoro doesn’t resist the action, following where he is directed to move without so much as a grumble. Luffy frowns but lets his hands drop from Zoro, where they quickly find place on Sanji’s legs noticing the other having a similar nervous reaction to him.

Mihawk continues to lead Zoro out of the room quietly, heading down to the captain's quarters where he knows they won’t be disturbed. He often uses the space when the party crew becomes too much for the usually solo man. He frowns when Zoro stays silent throughout their walk and doesn’t get lost, just following quietly with his eyes trained on the ground.

Behind them Zeff also stands, looking at Sanji as he does with a huff “Come on brat, if we're taking a break we can make some snacks to help with the next part. You know what your crew can’t eat.”

Sanji visibly relaxes at having something to do, kissing Luffy on the head before standing “I won’t be long captain, I’ll make those tarts Zoro likes.”

Luffy smiles, squeezing his hand as he nods “Yeah! Zoro really likes them and Sanji is great at making them. But make something Sanji likes too, he’s been really brave and these conversations have been really hard.”

Sanji laughs wetly, quickly hugging the younger, forgetting how smart his captain can be, “Yeah, I will. Thank you.” With that he walks to the door, following Zeff to the kitchen as they discuss recipes, easily falling into an argument about who will be head chef while they’re here.

Once the door closes Shanks opens his arms, not moving from the sofa “Come here little anchor.” Quickly having Luffy fly across the room and throw himself into his chest. Gently Shanks strokes his hair humming quietly.

Luffy whispers, his head tucked safely under Shanks’ chin “I hate seeing them hurt. But Sanji is trying to be better. And I don’t think Zoro knows how much he hurts.”

Shanks shakes his head sadly “No I don’t think he does. This will take a few conversations you know. You’re going to have to work on this together okay? All three of you. As partners and as you being captain.”

Luffy nods, hiding his head in Shanks’ chest nods, not wanting anyone to see the tears in his eyes, “What if we aren’t strong enough? What if we can’t work it out?”

Shanks frowns, kissing his head “You can and you will. You have fought the government and countless warlords at this point. You are far stronger than any of you know and frankly that is terrifying. Something like this won’t break you. You just need to learn how to get through it. You will learn together and come out the other end stronger.”

Luffy goes quiet then, cuddling close, enjoying feeling the protection of his father surrounding him, “...I hope you’re right. I love them a lot.”

Shanks smiles widely now “I know Anchor, I can see that. And they love you a lot too. You’ll all be okay.”

 

Mihawk doesn’t comment on Zoro's silence as they walk, just leading him to the bedroom with practiced ease. There aren’t many crewmembers on the lower levels, but any who see them give a polite smile or ignore them entirely, knowing seeing Mihawk down here during the day means he is not in the mood to talk.

It doesn’t take them long to reach the bedroom, Mihawk walking in and gesturing for Zoro to sit on the floor against the bed, which Zoro silently follows. While Zoro settles, Mihawk makes his way over to the left bedside drawer, pulling out a small sword cleaning kit. Once he has it he moves to sit next to Zoro, close enough that the boy can feel his presence, but giving enough distance he doesn’t feel pressure or expectations.

“Time to clean your swords, Zoro.” He uses his usual gruff voice, placing the kit down in front of Zoro and moving his own sword into his lap, similar to how he held it ready when the boy napped, creating a sense of normalcy.

Zoro blinks a few times, not looking up at Mihawk as his gaze stays unseeing on the floor ahead of him. His hand is slow to reach for the kit, but when he feels the familiar fabric around the weighted box his body quickly recognises it. He moves on autopilot, laying out all the equipment from the box to make it easier to use. Zoro soon begins cleaning his sword, his usual precision and care still evident, but his robotic movements and lacking heart makes his internal battle clear.

Mihawk doesn’t pressure Zoro to speak, just sitting with him for the 10 minutes it takes for him to clean his 3 swords, noticing the way his shoulders relax visibly. Mihawk cleans his own at the same time when he is sure Zoro is settled enough, an attempt to not pressure the boy and remove expectations. Only once he sees Zoro’s hands still, finished, does he speak “You back?”

Zoro keeps his eyes low, but nods, body hunching over on itself to appear smaller, fitting the weak feeling that settled in his chest “Yeah… Shit. How much did I miss?”

“You tell me. What’s the last thing you remember?” Mihawks’ voice isn’t harsh, just holding its usual gruff edge to keep the normalcy he’s been creating and not make the boy feel patronized.

Zoro closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as he thinks, frowning when he notices the gap in his memory, which causes an uncomfortable feeling to settle in his chest. It isn’t the first time he’s felt that, and every time it makes him uncomfortable, unsettled and vulnerable in a way that is still new. He tries piecing together the words that had washed over him, “I was slipping for a while… But Sanji promised to try… Something?”

Mihawk hums, remembering back to when that had occurred, before nodding “Yes. He promised to try talking about his problems to you and Luffy. After that they went over signs of when something is wrong with the cook. Don’t worry they plan to write it down. Then they were going to move onto communication methods, but we’re taking a break first.” He decided against mentioning the break was for Zoro yet, not wanting to worry him.

Zoro nods along, frowning realising he hadn’t been able to support them in a vulnerable time, feeling like he failed his partners. He stands wanting to find them to check if they are alright “Are… Are they okay? Where are they now?”

Mihawk sighs, putting a hand on Zoro’s shoulder and preventing him from moving “Easy. You still need time after you come back completely before you can help them. They are fine. Sanji and Zeff are making snacks, I suspect the captains are cuddling. But we discussed this, worry about yourself too. You are the one who did not say he was overwhelmed and instead dissociated.” The last sentence has an edge to it, both a warning and a heavy pressure of worry.

Zoro shakes his head “No I.. I’ll work on it. But they are stressed and worried about all this, and this is all new. I am stressed because zoning out like that is fucking stressful. Let me worry about them.” He huffs in annoyance, even as he is trying to be better.

Mihawk studies him for a few minutes before nodding, letting Zoro have his outburst. He repeats again “Sanji is cooking with Zeff, Luffy is being smothered by Shanks.” But doesn’t tell the boy off more, watching closely as Zoro curls further in on himself and puts his walls up.

Mihawk thinks he slips back into his head before Zoro speaks again “I… I’m not sure what happened? I wanted to help Sanji and I knew I couldn’t because he was talking about what happened already and I wasn’t there to protect him then. But then Luffy was able to help him so it was alright again. Then…”

Mihawk studies him, frowning at the cracks of vulnerability Zoro tries to hide “Then you dissociated again. You keep doing that when you get overwhelmed. You don’t talk about it, just let it take you over. You knew it was coming didn’t you?”

Zoro frowns before nodding slightly, trying to act defensive, though it quickly falls flat when the hurt seeps into his voice “Yeah.. But Sanji was finally revealing things, opening up about his emotions. I didn’t want to ruin that in case he clammed up again once we stopped, and he stopped talking.”

“And you thought the best way to do that was by showing him explicitly how much it affects you?” Mihawk huffs, trying to force Zoro to see sense, to let the boy know he is also allowed to have feelings, the same message they had been trying to drill into him that had clearly failed.

Zoro looks at his swords, shining and cleaned for the first time in weeks he frowns, not remembering cleaning them again “..I didn’t think it would fully take hold.”

“Well it did, and it isn’t the first time you have dissociated, so we can assume it won’t be the last. So you need to come up with strategies for it and talk to those partners of yours about your issues as well. Good job, that's the next discussion.” He mumbles the last part to himself in an annoyed huff.

Zoro glares up at him, hating feeling weak and finally snapping “Well you can’t make me old bastard. You aren’t my fucking dad stop acting like it. Just because you’ve seen me weak a few times you think I’m some little bitch you can push around? Well I’m not! I am Roroano Zoro! I will be the greatest swordsman!” Zoro is standing by the end, chest heaving.

Mihawk studies him for a moment, scanning over his face. He sees the defensiveness come to the younger swordsman face and smirks, the image much like himself before he settled with Shanks “You know I used to dissociate too.” He finally settles on, hoping his revelation will let Zoro be vulnerable.

“Before I learnt to talk through my crap with Shanks. I would often dissociate after a battle and find myself in the ocean, wounds bandaged with no memory of doing it.” He pauses, seeing Zoro look to his swords, considering, remembering “It doesn’t make you weak to have emotions. It makes you weak to not work through them. To figure out a way to live despite them.”

The room is heavy after that, Zoro thinking over the words for a minute. It felt odd, they never had emotional conversations, not how their relationship worked. But now it seems Mihawk is exactly who Zoro needs to hear from. And as he begins sniffling that becomes even clearer.

“..I don’t want to be weak. I want to be strong enough to protect them.” Zoro hugs himself, taking a small step back from Mihawk as he finally lets his insecurities out. He was the protector after all, being weak or hurting them was terrifying.

Mihawk nods, not moving from his spot, allowing Zoro his space while still being a supportive presence, "That's why you need to talk about these things. You need to learn to manage it before it gets this far, so you aren’t useless in the moment and can still defend them.”

Zoro goes quiet for a minute, considering the words, before he gives a small, almost imperceivable nod “..Okay. I want to be better. For them.”

Mihawk smirks, nodding. Of course it still linked back to the other, but this is progress. But he takes the win as he stands up “Good. If you lose it again, tell us or one of your partners beforehand so we can stop. Understood?”

Zoro rolls his eyes “Whatever old man.” He grumbles, and despite it not being an outright refusal Mihawk glares, wanting full confirmation.

“Roroano, that was not a request. You will tell us.” His voice is firm, not harsh but commanding.

Zoro really looks at him for the first time since coming back to himself, giving a small nervous nod when he sees the worry settled on the older man's face “yeah.. Okay. I’ll tell Luffy or Sanji”

Mihawk rolls his eyes but takes the win where he can get it “Sure kid. Now are you stable enough to go back?”

Zoro closes his eyes, quietly assessing himself to make sure he doesn’t feel any lingering effects from the dissociation or momentary weakness, before giving a small nod looking back at Mihawk “Yeah, think so. AS ready as I can be”

Mihawk nods, beginning to lead him out the room “Good. You’re going to have to explain what happened to those partners of yours as well you know?”

Zoro groans but nods, quietly following him out, knowing it was for the best but dreading explain the thought process to them.

Chapter Text

Luffy doesn’t really feel the passage of time as he curls into Shanks. Logically he knows it does pass, but he couldn’t say how much time it was. But it didn’t bother him as much as he thought it might. He was cuddling his dad, finally after so long not being able to see him, of crying himself to sleep missing Shanks, finally he could just be in his arms. It almost didn’t feel real. He is much more stable than when he first came onto the ship, so now he can actually enjoy being with him.

Despite Shanks saying he was a great pirate captain, Luffy wasn’t sure, and he hated that feeling. Self-doubt was something Luffy didn’t often suffer from but when it came to Shanks he often worried he wasn’t living up to expectations. And now he worried he wasn’t making his big brother proud, wasn’t doing well enough. He sniffles and cuddles closer to Shanks.

“... When you left. When did you think we’d see each other again?” Luffy looks up at him, studying Shanks’ face, looking for signs he knows logically won’t be there.

Shanks looks down at him, humming as he begins playing with Luffy’s hair “You want the truth Anchor? We had no idea. But we all knew you’d make a great pirate, and we’d see you eventually. We had hoped you at least would have been out of your teens though.” He chuckles at the end.

Luffy smiles, looking up at him, shy hope in his eyes “You really thought I would? Even before the gum gum fruit?”

Shanks laughs “Of course kid! We all did. Hell, some of the lads made bets throughout your time, first when you’d be a pirate, then when you’d be a Yonko, and a few smaller ones in the mix there as well.” He smirks, looking over to his desk where a sheet lay “You lost a lot of men their drinking money.”

Luffy blushes slightly but tries to lower his head to hide it, suddenly looking embarrassed, “I.. I never realised. I just wanted to go on adventures like you all.”

“Kid, you surpassed us a long time ago. We’re the party boat as Mihawk likes to call us. I might be a Yonko but I’m not one of the top pirates anymore. Our time has passed. It’s your generation's turn, god save us.” He chuckles, ruffling Luffy’s hair. He’s met a few of this new generation now, some with better results than others, but he knew it would be interesting for sure.

Luffy smiles, thinking about the adventures, but as the quiet stretches on he begins to frown, a darker energy filling him as he whispers “...I wish you had taken me somedays, that I hadn’t had to stay there, or move in with the mountain bandits and Ace and Sabo… Is that bad?”

Shanks smiles sadly, gently playing with Luffy’s hair again as he shakes his head “No anchor. It’s not bad. You hurt a lot some days don’t you? You don’t want to feel all that and wish you hadn’t been there to feel it. Am I right?”

Slowly Luffy nods, hiding his face in Shanks’ chest to try and act like it isn’t real, guilt rolling off him as he thinks of Ace and Sabo. His brothers, his first true family.

“I know kid… But if you had come with us you wouldn’t have had those brothers of yours. Hell, you wouldn’t have the same crew you have now. You might not have started your journey where or how you did, you might not even have found your crew.” He gently rubs Luffy’s back, hoping to give the boy comfort where there is little.

Luffy doesn’t react for a few minutes, before giving a small nod “Yeah… I… I guess.” He frowns “But then my heart wouldn’t hurt this much.”

“Oh kid…” Shanks wraps his arms tighter around Luffy, tearing at the small, broken confession. He kisses his head “I know. I wish I could take away that pain too. But if we did you wouldn’t get the love from Ace, you wouldn’t have had an epic older brother. So while it hurts, is it worth losing that?”

Luffy goes quiet before shaking his head, curling up smaller “No… I just miss him.”

“That’s understandable, kid, would be worried if you didn’t honestly. We’re gunna talk about that with the others okay? For now, just try relax for a while. We have some tough conversations left.” He goes back to gently stroking Luffy’s back.

Luffy nods, staying cuddled into Shanks “Can I stay here until they’re back?”

Shanks' heart swells, trying to hide how happy that made him, he missed this kid, his kid, more than he can admit, “Of course kid, whatever you need.”

Luffy gives a small smile as he cuddles into Shanks. He stays quiet for a few minutes before looking up, eyes still clouded with grief, but curiosity poking through as well, “Shanks? Why didn’t you ever tell me Buggy was your brother?”

Shanks chuckles, ruffling Luffy’s hair to stop him seeing the sadness crossing Shanks’ face “Well kid. Me and Buggy became brothers much like you and Ace. And to make a complicated story short, we hadn’t spoken in a long time when I found you. But my crew couldn’t stay in the east blue for long, you know that part already, but we had also been trying to avoid Buggy’s crew, they controlled a lot of the east at the time.”

Shanks pauses, trying to work out how to explain it in enough detail but not reopening old wounds. While he pauses Luffy looks up at him and frowns “You still love your brother?”

Shanks laughs “Yeah. Yeah I always have. Even when we weren’t talking I cared about it, so much. He’s my little brother. Chaotic thing, but my little brother. But being so close to him then, it had been hard to talk about it. I didn’t want to try explain all that to some snot nosed kid.”

“Hey!” Luffy squarks, looking up at Shanks offended.

Shanks smirks “Well it was true. But. You remember the month before we parted my crew took a 2 week trip?” He waits for Luffy’s nod before continuing “Well we did that to speak to Buggy. We weren’t on good terms, but he agreed to watch over dawn for me. After the fire… He checked you and Ace, you probably didn’t notice because he was being careful not to be spotted by Garp, but once he found you two were okay he went after the bastards… Let's just say they haven’t bothered anyone in years.”

Luffy’s eyes widened. He had noticed the men had never been around again, but assumed the marines had gotten them, but to hear his uncle (?) had taken care of them for him, it made something settle in his chest he wasn’t ready to confront.

“You know, it was because of you kids we started actually talking again. Sure we see death all the time, but that one.. That one hit different.” He pauses, remembering the day they heard about the fire, about Sabo. Buggy had phoned him, had kept him updated. The red haired pirates had gone on a 2 week killing spree of marines, killing all of them until they learnt who had actually started the fire.

“It was like a light flipped and we started talking again. Not just check ups on how you were growing, but actually talking. It was tense and stressed for a long while, but we are brothers again.” Shanks gives a small smile.

Luffy closes his eyes humming “Me and Ace used to call a lot, we called a lot before I went on my adventures. But when I was adventuring too it was harder. We had less time free at the same time. But we did call, especially special dates. Then he went after Blackbeard….” Luffy tears up “I only heard from him when we happened to cross paths in Alabaster.”

Shanks’ heart breaks for the boy. One conversation in 3 years, and that one conversation had been a month before his last remaining brother died, no wonder the kid was struggling so much. He pulls him closer, almost wrapped around the boy. “I’m sorry kid. But if it’s any comfort he was bragging to everyone he came across about you. He really loved you, when you set sail he was telling anyone he could about his amazing little brother.”

Luffy sniffled, looking up at Shanks, tears gathering in his eyes, but shared with something close to hope “R-really?”

“Yeah. He was so proud of you. He called me about updates even. I think the other whitebeard pirates either got sick of hearing about it or fell in love with you themselves.” Shanks chuckles, remembering his own visits to the ship to see the boy who in another life would have been his baby brother.

Luffy gives a small giggle at that, relaxing back into Shanks again, fighting to keep his eyes open “Can you tell me more stories?”

“Of course kid. Did I tell you about the time we used all our beer just one day after leaving port?” After Luffy shakes his head Shanks smiles and starts on his tale.

 

Sanji and Zeff had been cooking in relative quiet for the most part, as quiet as a kitchen can be. They occasionally called something out to the other, a need for an ingredient or a tool mostly, but they slotted back into their usual routine as if no time had passed. But that was making Sanji feel worse. Remembering days at the Baratie like this, cooking with his dad felt so nice, but he couldn’t get his biological dads threat from his mind. He’d never told Zeff, never told anyone, and it was eating at him to the point he nearly added the wrong ingredients multiple times.

Zeff stops, looking over at Sanji “Oi. Keep acting like that and you’ll make the food taste bad.”

Sanji turns to glare at him, but there is no heat in it, his mind distant “Shut it old bastard.”

Zeff rolls his eyes, putting down his spoon to fully look at the boy. He can see the tension sitting on his shoulders, the stress lines on his forehead “What you thinking so hard about kid?”

Sanji frowns, shoulders hunching slightly, failing to resist the urge to make himself look small “It’s fine.”

“Clearly not brat. And that’s not how we’re doing this today. This whole thing is about talking, and you gotta learn to talk about this. So start talking.” He crosses his arms, but despite his harsh words there is no anger, just fond exasperation.

Sanji frowns, not saying anything for a few minutes before slumping, the fight leaving him quickly in the presence of his father “...The first time my family came… They’d made some threats.”

“Yeah? What kind of threats?” Zeff scowls, stepping forwards.

“...First it was against the crew. I know they’re strong but Germa is so strong. But.. then they were threatening you and the baratie too.” Sanji hugs himself, making himself smaller as shame rolls through him.

Zeff growls, “They threatened me and you just went with them for that? Idiot kid. We can take them.”

“No… You don’t get it. You don’t see how strong they are.” Sanji looks at Zeff, and for a moment pure fear clouds his eyes, terror over the power of his biological family.

“Eggplant. We are the floating restaurant the Baratie. We feed so many pirate crews, didn’t you think over the years some of them would give us protection? Not like we’re helpless ourselves anyway.” His voice softens slightly, even as his eyes fill with anger.

Sanji’s eyes widen, having never even considered it. Somewhere he knew Zeff and Shanks got on well, as he did with Buggy and the others in his alliance, hell, clearly he’s been around Shanks and Mihawk enough to joke with them. But they are all pirates, he never thought they’d offer the Baratie protection “Wait.. What?”

Zeff laughs “Yeah. Over the years we’ve had a few official and a few unofficial declarations. A couple pirate crews have tried to claim us as well. Did let 2 though.” He smirks, looking at Sanji’s shocked face.

“R-really?” Sanji’s hands fall to his side now, curiosity overcoming the anxiety.

“We don’t advertise it too much, only when necessary, but we were under the protection of Whitebeard for a good few years there before his passing.” He gives a soft smile, remembering his old friend. While Whitebeard wasn’t around much he had crews stationed in the east blue, and they were often on guard for Zeff. “Now we’re under Shanks protection, though we see more of the cross guild than them and are unofficially theirs."

Sanji blanks “T-The.. You’re under the protection of 2 different Yonko crews at the same time?”

Zeff laughs “What? Didn’t think I could manage that? Welp I have. You just got to feed them and they happily protect you.” He then smirks, ruffling Sanji’s hair “Although, you sleeping with their treasure does help.”

Sanji goes bright red, trying to hide his face in his hands “S-Shut up old man!”

Zeff laughs more “I’m just messing kid. Buggy actually came to threaten me when he realised you weren’t just friends with the straw kid. Threatened to pull his protection if you ever hurt him.”

Sanji stares at Zeff, mouth open stunned. He looks at Zeff silently, taking in all the new information, and didn’t that just put more pressure on his relationship with Luffy. Just as he was about to spiral about that Zeff spoke up again.

“Though, after I said he wouldn’t be able to have his favorite apple pie if he did that he soon changed his tune, something about ‘screw the kids feelings, I want pie.’” Zeff starts laughing as he picks up his spoon again.

As Zeff moves to start cooking again Sanji stays quiet, taking in all of the new information, and the actions he had taken to keep Zeff safe that were now pointless.

“S-so I… I didn’t… I could’ve…” Sanji’s face falls as tears begin to gather in his eyes. He’s happy. His family, his home, is okay, but devastated at what he was forced into thinking they were in danger.

“Yeah. This is why you talk about this stuff. Your crew would have been able to fight them off with your allies, and we’d have been fine. Hell, if they’d came to us first you lot wouldn’t have had to fight them.” Zeff doesn’t stop now, going back to cooking and giving Sanji his time.

Sanji completely drains now, stumbling to sit in a chair nearby to take in all the new information. He puts his head in his hands, not crying but close to it. “S-shit…”

“Yeah kid. Could’ve saved yourself a lot of grief if you actually spoke about it. Like when you saw them in the paper.” Zeff huffs, still angry at that particular action.

Sanji nods, not moving and keeping his head low “I.. I thought it was for the best.. It was my issue and I had to fix it.”

“Not how this works anymore. Not when you have people relying on you and you have people you can rely on as well.” Zeff grumbles, pointing his spoon at Sanji “It’s not you on your own anymore kid, remember that.”

Sanji nods, shoulder trembling lightly “Y-yeah… I’m learning that..”

Zeff nods. He doesn’t comment on Sanji’s position, giving the boy his time to process what they spoke about. And after only a couple minutes Sanji is back at his station, making the tarts but starting on a batch of chocolate chip brownies as well. This time not mistaking the ingredients.

 

Luffy is still asleep on Shanks lap when Zoro and Mihawk come into the room. Zoro comes back first, still a little quiet, but present again and with a threat to tell them if he starts slipping again. Mihawk directs Zoro to the empty sofa the boys had been on before, while he goes to Shanks, sitting next to him.

He looks over Luffy, a frown coming to his lips as he speaks in a hushed voice. “He alright?” He had quickly noticed the slight redness of his eyes, and the way even in sleep his hand grips Shanks’ shirt.

Shanks nods, giving him a small smile as he strokes Luffy’s hair “Yeah, he’ll be okay. Just tired himself out. We were having a little chat.”

Mihawk raises an eyebrow, but relaxes into the seat, noticing the soft smile Shanks only gets when talking about Luffy “Do I even want to know?”

“It wasn’t bad!” Shanks chuckles, “Just talking about Bug, how he was watching over them and stuff.” Shanks’ smile shifts to something sad when he talks about Buggy, still sad about the years they lost not talking.

Mihawk nods, leaning into Shanks’ space a little bit more to kiss his forehead gently “Yeah? You share stories of you two being terrors as kids?”

Shanks laughs “No. Not yet. He was tired already so I shared easy pirate stories. I want him to remember Bug. Even if they’re both Yonkos now, and they’ll fight soon, they have a connection.”

Mihawk nods again, bringing a hand up to play with Shanks’ hair “you know me and Buggy talk about the kid from time to time. He does care for him. He won’t admit it but he was glad he could test him before he went to the grand line. Would’ve stopped him if he wasn’t ready. Honestly, so would I.”

“You do? What does he say?” Shanks doesn’t looks shocked, more curious and happy, glad the small family they’ve carved out works and cares for each other.

“How much of an annoying brat he is usually.” He smirks before softening, but keeping his voice loud enough for Zoro to hear, having noticed him trying to listen in a while back, trying to make sure his captain is okay “We talk about their journey, how they’re getting on, the people they’ve faced. In the early days Buggy actually didn’t trust me about Luffy, since I only met the kid at Baratie and when we met each other at marineford we were on opposite sides. But I think he overheard one of our phone calls.”

Shanks blushes at that, hiding his face in Mihawks side with a groan “Great. Just great.”

Mihawk laughs, ruffling his hair “Don’t worry, nothing explicit. At least that he’s mentioned.”

Shanks shakes his head still groaning, making Mihawk laugh more. He looks at Zoro briefly, smirking more when he sees the smile on the boy's face “Don’t get cocky now boy, we all heard your call with your lovers as well.”

Zoro also goes red, lowering his head. Luckily he is saved from more teasing by Sanji and Zeff walking in. Unlike their usual loud banter the pair walk in quietly, Sanji’s shoulder hunched, eyes red rimmed as he carries a tray of tarts to Zoro.

Quickly Zoro stands to meet him halfway, hands moving up to cup his cheeks, eyes darting to glare at Zeff briefly, thinking the older man caused this “Cook? What’s wrong?”

Sanji closes his eyes, his voice small and defeated but he leans into Zoro, resting his forehead on the other shoulder "I'm an idiot.”

Zoro frowns, putting an arm around Sanji while turning more to glare at Zeff, ready to attack “What the hell did you say to him?”

Mihawk leans forwards, not yet intervening, but his hand moves to his sword, knowing the protective anger Zoro holds, but trusting Zeff.

Before anyone can speak Sanji shakes his head pulling back slightly to look up at Zoro “N-no. Not his fault. M-my bio dad…”

“Sanji… You aren’t making sense.” He looks down at Sanji worriedly, gently wiping his cheek with his thumb as more tears start to gather.

“I’m an idiot… When Judge made me go back.. He threatened the crew and the baratie…” Sanji bites his lip, still having not told all this to Zoro, and hating remembering that time. But he knows Zeff is right, he needs to get better at talking about this.

Zoro holds himself back from growling, letting Sanji talk despite the anger coursing through him. He really wishes Sanji would let them kill Judge, but every time Sanji still defends him, so he’s stopped bringing it up, focusing on just supporting Sanji instead.

Behind them Shanks looks confused, looking to Zeff to ask if he knew, at the shake of the older man’s head he sighs and nods. He wishes he had, would’ve stationed someone closer to the Baratie. Maybe he still will, make sure they stay safe.

“But the baratie… Zeff told me it’s already protected, protected by people more powerful than Judge…” He bites his lip, reminding himself the strength of the names Zeff had mentioned. How even one of the people who were defending him could end Judge. His voice is small as he lists them, trying to remind himself “He… Shanks, the cross guild, Whitebeard.. Few smaller crews.”

Zoro keeps holding him,“Yeah, you are an idiot.” He kisses his head with a gentle smile “The Baratie would’ve been okay, so would the crew. You don’t have to try protect us all. Let us help you as well. Yeah?”

Sanji nods, tucking his head into Zoro’s chest to let himself be held and soaking in the comfort “yeah… I’ve been getting that message a lot recently.. And I’m starting to believe it.”

They stand there silently like that for several minutes, just enjoying each other's presence. While the three of them can often get quiet moments, and they both get quiet moments with Luffy, it is rare of just those two to have a quiet moment.

However, as is common with them it is broken by a hit on Zoro’s arm from a smirking Sanji. “You’re an idiot.”

Zoro pulls back a little, still keeping his hands on Sanji, but with mocking annoyed look on his face “Oi! The hell was that for?!”

“Oh you know, the fact you didn’t learn shit all and dissociated without telling anyone you were struggling.” Sanji glares, a hint of worry behind his grumpy expression.

Zoro grumbles but doesn’t argue, knowing he was in the wrong, pulling Sanji closer again guiltily. He knows that look, knows Sanji was worried as well as annoyed, and it pulled at his heart.

Seeing he’s getting no verbal response Sanji sighs, cupping Zoro’s cheeks to make him look at him “You idiot. We love you. Dissociating sucks, next time tell us before it gets that far so we can help okay?”

Zoro gives a small nod “yeah, okay sorry.” He holds him closer, glaring over at Mihawk when he hears the man snicker at his line being repeated.

“Don’ be mean to me favorite people….” Luffy’s mumbled voice sounds behind Sanji, as he blinks his eyes open, still tucked into Shanks and making no effort to move his head from being squeezed against Shanks’ chest.

Zoro looks over at him and smiles, relaxing more “Hey Luf, good nap?”

Luffy nods, staying cuddled into Shanks “Yeah, nice. I’m not moving now.”

Shanks laughs and wraps an arm around him as Zoro rolls his eyes “Yeah, didn’t expect anything.”

Sanji laughs and looks round, frowning when he looks at Luffy’s eyes “Luf? You okay?” He starts extracting himself from Zoro’s hold, frowning.

Luffy doesn’t respond for a moment, before giving a small shake of his head, choosing to be honest “...No. I miss Ace and Sabo. But talking to Shanks helped.”

Both his boyfriends frown but nod, they know how much Luffy has been suffering because of his brothers.

Slowly Sanji walks over and kneels infront of Luffy and SHanks “Yeah, that makes sense. But you know we love you right? And we’re here for you.”

Luffy nods, moving forwards to kiss Sanji’s nose with a smile “I know. I love you both.” He then grins “You aren’t getting me out of Shanks arms. I’m getting as many cuddles as I can before we split up again.”

Sanji laughs nodding “Yeah yeah I know. You prefer him I get it.”

“Hey! I didn’t say that!” Luffy looks worried for a second before Sanji speaks again.

“I know, I’m teasing you. You stay cuddled up with SHanks, but I’m getting cuddles after we talk about your stuff, deal?”

Luffy nods happily “Deal!”

Sanji smiles, kissing Luffy's forehead before going back to Zoro and dragging him to the other sofa “Come on Zoro. We’ll eat all these tarts.”

Zoro smirks and follows him when he hears Luffy’s offended squark. Suddenly a rubber arm shoots across the room, taking 3 tarts.

Laughter settles across the room as they all sit having a snack before they carry on. The atmosphere despite the emotions is relaxed and calm, everyone feeling a weight taken off their shoulders from finally talking.

Chapter Text

Sanji and Zoro have settled on the sofa again, relaxed and calm. They aren’t cuddling as much as they were when Luffy was with them, but instead sit side by side, shoulders pressed together, hands together on Zoro’s leg. This was their level, not all over each other, just present together as silent pillars, soft in their own way.

Across from them Luffy keeps his head resting on Shanks’ chest, curled into the older man and breathing in all the comfort he can get while Shanks rubs his hand on his back. He looks like he could fall back asleep at any moment, and at this realisation Shanks is looking down at him like he’s the most precious sight in the world.

Beside them Mihawk sits similarly to Zoro, hand no longer on his sword but settled in his lap, while his shoulder is pressed to Shanks’ side. Their comfort comes more subtly than the younger pair, but soaking up the energy from having their partner with them and their family healing.

Zeff has given the small family space now, recognising their need for contact and quality time. He’s moved to sit on one of the armchairs, his leg laying on the floor next to him while he massages his stump.

“Zeff?” Sanji frowns when he sees Zeff’s actions, shoulders tensing and leaning forwards to see what all is wrong. He is trying to remember what they said about talking when worried, even if his voice is hesitant, worried it’s something that could tip him over the edge again.

Zeff waves a hand dismissively as he rubs his stump, not bothering to look up at Sanji yet, “It’s fine brat. Just aches a little now I’m properly at sea again. Just need to rest it.”

Sanji nods, relaxing a little and leaning more into Zoro. His mind spins for a minute despite the answer, the guilt that sits at the back of his head resurfacing. Before he can second guess himself he speaks again “I feel bad whenever you're in pain from the stump. It’s my fault you had to cut it off. I know you say it isn’t my fault but it feels like it is.”

Zeff frowns, but can’t hide the hint of pride on his face as he glances up at Sanji, his hands pausing their ministrations. He knows Sanji has felt like that since they started the Baratie, but the boy would never admit it openly, always skirting the issue or showing it through actions. “Did I tell you why I did it?”

Zoro looks over curiously, still a silent pillar next to Sanji he squeezes his hand. He wants to know the reasoning, always being curious, but he also knows how much it will help Sanji.

Sanji slowly nods his head, eyes meeting Zeff’s own “You said it was because we had the same dream.. The All Blue.”

Zeff smiles and shakes his head, “That’s the reason I told you, you were a kid after all. But no, that’s not the full reason. You remind me of me. You were too young to adventure yet, but you had the spirit to become a fine pirate, strong-willed enough you’d be able to survive this life. Stubborn as all hell, arguing even as your ship was sinking.”

Sanji stared shocked, having never gotten such praise from his dad, adopted or biological, “You.. You really thought that?”

“I did. I do.” Zeff nods, before looking back down and rubbing his stump “That was the best decision I made. My time as a pirate was already over then. My crew and ship were gone. As the captain by all right I should have gone down with them. Still, I would have done that either way.”

Sanji, despite his attempts at being better at processing his emotions, grumbles, hiding how much this meant to him “S-shut up old bastard.” Even with his words he can’t hide the tears that fall down his cheeks.

Zeff snorts, rolling his eyes “Yeah yeah, whatever brat.” He smirks, going back to massaging his stump, allowing Sanji to handle the new emotions his own way.

Zoro pulls Sanji into a gentle hug, turning so they’re both facing each other, Sanji half in his lap. He kisses the top of Sanji’s head, before whispering into his hair, feeling how hard that was for Sanji “Proud of you cook.”

Sanji hides his face in Zoro’s chest, sniffling as some of the tension leaves his shoulders and he melts into him, “I’m trying. Said I would try.”

“Thats all we’re asking for.” Zoro smiles proudly, resting his chin on Sanji’s hair.

They stay like that for several moments, Sanji processing his emotions under the protection of Zoro, surrounded by the strong arms that would never let him get hurt. And finally Sanji nods, pulling out of the embrace slowly and sitting himself next to Zoro. He wipes his eyes under the careful watch of Zoro, before nodding to the others.

“You wanted us to talk about how to talk?” He’s trying to get them back on track.

Shanks nods, glancing over at Zeff to make sure he’s okay with him starting again, that Sanji is in the right place too. At the older cook’s nod, Shanks speaks up “That’s right. You already spoke about your triggers Sanji, which you should still write down for them. Before we carry on we do want to go over the others' triggers.”

Zoro grumbles, leading to Sanji elbowing him in the ribs. As they have a silent argument with their eyes Luffy giggles, before looking up at Shanks “My triggers are easy though. And it’s not like we can avoid them.”

Shanks frowns down at him, but nods “Even if they can’t be avoided it’s good for the others to know what will cause issues so they can be there to support you.”

Luffy goes quiet for a moment, before nodding with a grin “Yeah! I like that idea! Okay lets see… Talking about them obviously makes me upset, so does the time around their deaths, or birthdays. Basically special days. But I don’t really look at calendars. Sometimes after seeing happy families together I get sad, like reunions and stuff.” Despite talking about triggers, Luffy doesn’t sound upset, but is almost happy to talk about it all.

“Wait Luffy, You said ‘Both’. Does talking about Sabo still upset you?” Sanji pauses his silent argument with Zoro to look at Luffy worriedly, wanting to go hug him but holding himself back.

Luffy looks over at Sanji before shrugging “Sometimes? I don’t know which emotion it is, but my brain gets heavy and my stomach does flips and it’s all a lot some days.” He frowns a little as he says that, looking away lost “But that’s only some days, and usually there is something else that triggers those days too. I'm not sure.”

Shanks nods, rubbing his back “That’s okay. You don’t have to know what everything is called. Is it just the regular triggers that trigger those days?”

Leaning into the touch, Luffy nods “Yeah, just like the normal stuff.”

“Thats alright.” Shanks pauses, making sure Sanji and Zoro are still following before following up “Are there any other triggers?”

Luffy hums for a moment before frowning, moving to lean on Shanks more as he mumbles “...Don’t like fire.”

Sanji and Zoro both lean forwards more, unable to hear him, and unsettled by his usual loudness replaced by a scared small voice, “What did you say Luffy?”

Seemingly out of nowhere Luffy snaps, the emotions catching up to him as he yells “I said I don’t like fire okay?!? Fire is terrifying! We haven’t really fought anyone who uses fire, but fire is what lost me my brother the first time and my other brother was fire, every memory of him includes fire, but a hotter fire took him, and it was all just heat and I felt the heat on me as he died and I-” Luffy turns his head and starts crying into Shanks’ chest, unable to stop his trembling as sobs shake his body.

They’re left in a stunned silence as they look at Luffy, they knew he would have issues with fire, somewhere they knew, but it had never come up so they never truly thought about it. And now Luffy was breaking again, looking small in Shanks’ arms.

Zoro is the first to move, but Shanks quickly raises a hand to stop him. While they had been processing Luffy’s outburst Shanks had been holding the boy and speaking quietly to him, comforts and quiet assurances. “He mentioned this would happen. Give him a moment. He can share the rest of his triggers when it’s his turn to talk about his issues. For now let him calm down then Zoro can share his.”

The pair frown, nervous as they watch their partner be calmed by another. But they do as they were told, settling into the sofa again, leaning into each other as they watch and wait as Luffy’s tears slow.

Shanks keeps rubbing Luffy’s back, whispering quiet reassurances. Once he feels Luffy stop trembling he pulls the boy from his chest slightly, to look him in the eyes. “I’m so proud of you Luffy. You don’t have to talk anymore. Zoro is going to share his whenever you are ready.”

Luffy takes a deep breath, wiping his eyes before nodding. Once he nods he shifts so he is curled on Shanks still, but once again facing Sanji and Zoro. “I’m ok- I’m alright enough to listen. I’ll cry more later.” He settles on.

Zoro frowns, looking over him, worried by how small he looks “Are you sure? We can wait, give you more time.”

Luffy shakes his head, and Mihawk speaks up when Luffy doesn’t say more “Stop stalling Roronoa. Share your trigger.”

Zoro grumbles, glaring over at Mihawk “Shut it old man. I wasn’t stalling. I was checking on my partner.” When Mihawk doesn’t raise to the bait, Zoro groans but starts speaking again “This is stupid. I don’t have many triggers. I just need to grow a pair.”

“That’s literally not how this works and you know it Zoro.” Sanji slaps his leg.

“You wanna go Shitty cook?” Zoro turns to glare at him, hand going to his sword and a smirk on his lips.

“I want you to be an adult and actually talk Zoro!” There is a serious edge to Sanji’s words that makes Zoro slump, refusing to meet anyone's gaze, knowing he can’t get out of this.

“Like I said, not many. And it’s just me needing to grow a pair.” It's an annoyed grumble under his breath, before he speaks loud enough for them all to hear “I hate feeling useless. When something happened to one of you that I wasn’t able to protect you from especially. Like when I read about Ace, or the crap with your dad happening while I was leading the others on Wano. Hell, even the crap with Enel and his dumbass ship.”

“...You dissociated on Wano didn’t you?” It wasn’t really a question, but Luffy looked over at him worriedly. They barely spoke about that time, all three disliking the separation, and they all preferred to ignore these things, rather than deal with them.

Zoro looks at the ground, shame clouding his expression as he fiddles with the handle of Wado “Not fully. I was just more floaty after our phone calls, and when I learnt about how bad big mum was, and all that was happening.”

“Floaty? Explain.” The words are sharp, but fear drips from them as Luffy remains where he is against Shanks, trying in vain to catch sight of Zoro’s face. Sanji moves his hand over Zoro’s, stopping him from picking at Wado’s handle with a gentle squeeze.

“I don’t know. Like not fully dissociating, I could still move fine and knew people were talking to me, but I was not fully there.” Zoro’s voice has a hint of frustration in his voice now as he turns his hand in Sanji’s to hold him. “I could still fight, still hunt for food and keep watch. Everything was just a little more distant, a little more unclear in my head even as my eyes were seeing fine.”

Sanji squeezes his hand tighter, trying to look at his face, scanning for a sign “...Was that the first time you were ‘floaty’?”

“No. The wax with Number three- that Baroque work creep. When we were all split during the Water 7 crap, like trying to find everyone as the water rose and then I got stuck.” Without noticing Zoro starts bouncing his leg, not seeing the pain on the other man's face.

“So when there are things going on you can’t control, or you get overwhelmed?” Mihawk leans forward curious. He’s reconsidering some times when Zoro was with him, times he put down to being an angsty teen.
“Yeah- yeah kinda? Not always. Not if I’m with one of you, or I can move. I just- control. I need control.” He doesn’t seem to register that the question is from Mihawk, his eyes slipping closed at some point as his grip on Sanji’s hand tightens. He takes a few deep breaths, trying to keep the control he has.

Gently rubbing his back, Sanji looks to Mihawk concerned trying to work out how much of what’s going on the older man understands. When he gets no clear answer he speaks again “So you go floaty or dissociate depending on how out of control you feel?”

“Y-yeah. I… When I lost my eye I was very floaty for quite a while. But I didn’t dissociate because I could control the world around me.” He frowns, remembering the months it took to start feeling normal again, to get used to living with only 1 eye.

Sanji snorts, trying to lighten the mood with some normalcy, even as his thumb starts rubbing comfortingly on Zoro’s knuckles “Damn, the man with three swords needs control? Who would’ve thought.”

Giggling, Luffy quickly chips in “Zoro loves control, you’ve seen his workout routine.” The words make Mihawk smirk as well, though he keeps his comments to himself as he watches Zoro’s reactions.

Squeezing Sanji's hands in quick bursts, Zoro whispers “...no joke.” His eye is still closed as his breathing comes out ragged, panic holding him. After a second of silence, as if fighting the word Zoro adds “Pause. Brain being stupid.”

Sanji quickly straightens, all humor leaving him as he realises how delicate the situation has become. He squeezes Zoro’s hand back, keeping his voice level as he speaks “Thank you for telling me. Stupid how, Zoro?”

“I don’t- I- Urgh!” He shakes his head quickly, trying to shake the memory out, getting frustrated when it doesn’t work, his hand not holding Sanji’s gripping his leg tightly “Sticking on the memory of Water 7. Stuck. Not knowing where you are. Looking for you and Robin- But you’re safe now. You’d been safe. I have you back now.”

“You’re right. You’ve got me back. We got Robin, everything’s okay.” Sanji gently cups Zoro’s face with one hand, his other, still holding Zoro's, starts squeezing a steady rhythm “Breath for me. Come on Zoro. Focus on me and copy my breathing, okay?” Sanji begins exaggerating his own breathing, eyes not leaving Zoro’s face.

Having not realised his breathing sped up, Zoro gasps, watching Sanji’s face and trying to copy his breathing. The first few times are interrupted by a gasp, a broken cry or caught in his throat. But after a few tries his breathing starts to steady, eventually slowing to match Sanji’s rhythm. When his breathing finally settles he slumps forwards against Sanji exhausted “Fuck…”

Sanji makes a sympathetic noise as he rubs Zoro’s back gently, drawing small patterns there, “Yeah. Panic attacks suck. But well done for letting us know Zoro. Proud of you mossy.” And he means it, while it had been a little late he was so proud of the progress this stood for, so tries not to sound patronising.
Zoro grumbles but nods, taking a moment to try to remove the exhaustion. He doesn’t want to move, comfortable leaning against him “Yeah. I always want a nap after? Is that normal?”

“Yeah, yeah they make you tired.” He snorts a laugh, keeping his hands resting on Zoro. “You want to take a longer break?”

Zoro shakes his head, even as he keeps it resting against Sanji’s chest “No… I want this crap to be over.” Slowly he turns his head to Shanks, a frown settling on his face. “Is that enough triggers or whatever?”

Sanji glances at Shanks, who shrugs “Is that all of your triggers? You only said ‘Loss of control and feeling overwhelmed.’ Do you have any others?”

Zoro thinks for a moment before shaking his head, sitting up and moving back to sit beside Sanji, still holding his hand “Yeah. There isn’t really anything else.”

Shanks nods “Then we are done with triggers. But triggers can change, and you can discover more, so you should talk about this again.” He looks over Sanji and Zoro “We are keeping focused on you two for now. Do either of you need a break after that before we carry on?”

Sanji looks over Zoro, frowning when he sees he’s still tense. Despite this Zoro shakes his head “Like I said, I want this crap over. Let’s keep going.”

“So long as he’s fine. I didn’t have anything happen that time.” Sanji keeps his hand on Zoro’s back, both to ground Zoro and remind Sanji they’re together.

Mihawk raises a hand, eyes narrowing at the pair, “I want to cover one more thing. You both mentioned it, but not well enough. Why won’t you rely on your partner when there is an issue?”

They both frown, but Sanji is the first to speak, already having come to terms more today with accepting help he’s more willing to admit his flaws, and wanting to give Zoro more time to recover. “I didn’t want to be a bother. I didn’t want to put more issues on anyone else when they had issues.”

Zoro growls, holding Sanji’s hand tighter as he turns to look at him “You aren’t a bother, never have been.”

Sanji smiles slightly but shakes his head “I’m learning that. But the first 8 years of my life that’s all I was. Even with Zeff I thought I had to earn my place, had to work to earn a roof over my head. It takes a lot to unlearn that.”

Zeff frowns, but he knew that song and dance, had tried convincing the kid throughout his childhood he didn’t need to earn anything, with varying levels of success. Yet as he looks at him now he knows some of it has finally started to sink in, not from his words, but that’s okay too.

Before he or a grumbling Zoro can speak again, Sanji raises a hand similar to how Mihawk silenced them earlier “I know. I’m getting there. But this takes time. I… I’m trying.” he thinks about the last 2 weeks, the conversations today and the things he finally admitted. He sighs leaning back against Zoro “..I’m getting there.”

Mihawk speaks up next, again not giving Zoro a chance to argue “As long as you are aware of the issue.” He turns to Zoro with a scowl “Zoro. Go.”

“What the hell? Why’d you cut me off then start making demands?” Zoro glares over at him, defenses going up as soon as he feels vulnerable.

“Oi. Drop the attitude.” Mihawk crosses his arms over his chest “Don’t get defensive with me because you don’t know how to be vulnerable. Why weren’t you telling them about your own issues?”

At first he just grumbles under his breath, but eventually speaks up loud enough for them to hear, “Because they needed me more. Sanji was finally having a breakthrough.”

Groaning playfully, Shanks elbows Mihawk with a smirk “Are you sure you aren’t related? He’s as stubborn as you I swear.”

They could see the comparison, Shanks not being the first to make that particular joke. But this time Mihawk just chuckles, shaking his head as he keeps his eyes on Zoro, not letting the topic change “And didn’t we already discuss the fact your issues matter too. Now. Tell them what you said to me about your dissociations. You want to get better, correct?”

Slumping in his seat and inadvertently cuddling more into Sanji, he nods, the fight leaving him, “Fine… I told Mihawk I get overwhelmed. When you were talking about your family it’s all in the past,and I’m reminded I wasn’t there to help you, I couldn’t protect you or take away that pain. I was useless and I wasn’t able to protect what mattered to me.”

Sanji frowns but stays quiet, giving Zoro the space to process everything, just moving a hand to draw small circles on his side.

Zoro huffs a breath, closing his eyes “I’m the swordsman, I’m the fighter. I’m meant to keep the crew safe, but especially you and Luffy. You’re my partners, but I keep failing you.”

Quietly across from them Luffy speaks up “...I felt like that about Ace. When I woke up and he was gone I felt like I had failed.”

They both look at Luffy with shock, having barely heard about Ace’s death and the immediate fall out. Zoro wants to stand, to go comfort him, but Sanji squeezes his hand, stopping him. They wait in silence before Luffy carries on.

“It.. It was really bad. I was really angry. I fought, I yelled, I cried. But Jinbe helped. And then we talked. We talked about the crew, about Ace and Sabo.. about losing people. And he taught me. It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to hurt and feel. But you gotta feel it, you gotta let it out or it becomes this monster in your chest, eating at you like… Like some big man eating monster!” The chuckle at that is slightly wet, and if anyone notices they keep it to themselves.

Even when talking about difficult emotions Luffy has the ability to make things feel lighter. Sanji squeezes Zoro’s side, nodding in agreement.

Zoro watches Luffy, really looks at him before frowning “You… That’s why you started coming to us more with nightmares.“

Luffy nods, smiling as he watches the pair “Yeah! I’ve always had nightmares. I used to go and watch the stars when they were bad, but cuddling with Zoro or Sanji is much nicer. It makes my chest less heavy to be around people and have them know I get sad. And since I’ve been more open the rest of the crew have started sharing with me too.”

A small proud smile settles on Sanji’s face as he thinks about the growth of their immature captain. He’d noticed Luffy had become more emotional once they’d gotten back together, putting it down to what he had been through. At the same time he had noticed Zoro being firmer, less carefree.

“I told you off for dissociating, telling you about how much it sucks to go through that alone. Before I joined the crew it was much worse, I would dissociate at least once a month. I don’t think I have dissociated at all since we all came back together.” He’s still looking at Luffy, sharing the sentiment with the other, but both messages were clear to Zoro. They’d both made small steps, steps to learn to show their emotions, even if sometimes they fail, now it was his turn.

With his side against Sanji it’s easier to avoid the others gaze, but he still feels vulnerable with Luffy and the older pirates watching him, knowing he can’t stop the slight tremble of his shoulders when he thinks about dissociating alone “You… did you ever dissociate on the ship?”

Sanji gives a small nod, moving to rest his head against Zoro’s shoulder, hoping the weight helps ground him “Yeah. Those early days it was worse, before Alabaster. I spent more of my time in the kitchen, the pantry became my safe escape. But Robin is very good. She would sit me with tea and we would talk about books. Or sometimes she would just talk about books.”

Despite the warm words, the idea of Robin being the one to help Sanji made Zoro frown more. Sure they had their fights at the time, and they were nowhere near as close as they are now, but still someone else supporting Sanji made Zoro feel odd.

Mihawk notices the change in Zoro, smirking at the chance to test him “Roroanoa. You don’t like Ms.Nico helping Sanji.”

Zoro turns his head to glare at Mihawk, before it shifts back to a frown and he wilts under those piercing eyes. “No. He can get help from whoever he wants. It’s fine.”

Zeff hides a snort but doesn’t comment. Mihawk speaks up again instead “Do you understand why someone might go to someone who isn’t their partner for help?”

If he really thought about it he could probably come up with a list of answers that didn’t include him being useless and not enough for his partners, but with just that rattling around in his head Zoro simply grumbles, staying tense and not answering.

Mihawk sighs, grumbling about ”stubborn brats” before hitting Shanks, wanting him to explain. It was still a hard concept for him some days, so used to being alone before Shanks and then the cross guild.

Shanks chuckles but nods understandingly as his hand finds Mihawk’s knee and rubs it gently. “You and Sanji used to fight something awful from the stories I heard. Still do from time to time. At least now there is care in it as well. But beyond that, sometimes it’s easier to speak to someone who isn’t your partner. I talk to Benn just as much as I talk to Hawky.”

Zoro frowns a little, but glancing at Mihawk he sees how relaxed the man is, unbothered by Shanks’ confession. He holds Sanji a little tighter, not ready to let go figuratively or literally. “... That’s different. Mihawk isn’t usually around. I am. I’m always around Sanji.”

“He’s as stubborn as you. I’m getting a dna test” Shanks groans, looking at Mihawk as he repeats his line from earlier.

An offended grumble comes from the other sofa, making Mihawk laugh, “I can assure you, he’s not mine” He then turns to Zoro “Stop being a stubborn brat. You won’t lose him just by letting him talk to someone else.”

Zoro keeps grumbling, until Sanji speaks up “It doesn’t mean we love you any less.” Zoro tenses at those words, “We still love you. But sometimes it’s easier with someone else, I can get angry, scream and yell, and when I’m all done I can go to you and Luffy, cuddle you where none of that baggage is and everything's okay with the world again.”

Zoro turns to look at Sanji, studies his face before slowly slumping. He leans and kisses Sanji’s head “I think.. I think I get that. Being able to talk to Perona about crap… That’s been nice.” He goes quiet for a moment before mumbling “I call her sometimes too. Asking what to do.”

Sanji kisses his forehead, proud of Zoro “Yeah? Even with the amount you argue with her you find time to talk.”

“Shut up. We aren’t that bad.” He grumbles, even as his ears turn red in embarrassment. He never had a sibling, but if he did he’d think it would be like his relationship. And he can’t bring himself to entirely hate the idea.

“Yes you are.” Mihawk says with a long suffering groan, remembering the 2 years with the pair and all the petty arguments he had to endure.

Zoro glares at him, but it soon softens as he feels Sanji press more into his side. Before he can stop himself, he’s leaning more into the contact.

“It doesn’t mean we love you less, or we need you less. Does talking to her help?” Sanji stays against his side, no judgment or annoyance, just quiet reassurance and comfort.

After a moment of consideration, of actually thinking about their discussion and how he feels about them, Zoro nods “Yeah.. they… I feel lighter after talking to her? Like I have been training with weights for hours and finally stop and breathing becomes a little easier.”
Grinning, Sanji kisses Zoro’s head “That’s exactly it. I get the same with Robin. I feel like my head is full of string and as I talk to her she pulls it all out and organises it so I can take it back to you and Luffy.”

It made a lot more sense to Zoro than it should when Sanji explained it like that. And made him realise maybe sharing wasn’t such a bad thing, plus they had already been doing it unknowingly. “I… Can you at least tell us when you talk to someone about your issues? You don’t have to tell us what you talk about, just that you do.”

Sanji smiles gently, glancing over to check on Luffy as he nods “Yeah, I can do that. As long as you two do as well.”

Luffy nods along happily “Sure! I normally prefer talking to you two anyway.”

“Yeah, that's fine. I don’t normally end up talking about emotions every time I talk with Perona anyway, only like once a month.” Zoro hums thinking about it. He smiles as he looks over at Luffy, seeing limited distress from his mention of Ace, the captain still smiling gently.

There is a pause in the conversation then, all of them thinking over what they agreed to, until Zeff snorts looking at Sanji “You worded it like that intentionally, Eggplant.”

“Maybe.”Sanji ducks his head, a blush on his cheeks as he shifts. He was just trying to help, sue him.

The other two look at Zeff confused, not sure what they’re talking about, Shanks speaks up “That is exactly what we were wanting you to learn to do. Those are boundaries. Well that's a start at least. Do you two know about boundaries?” He looks to Zoro and Luffy, laughing quietly when he sees their confused faces. “Yeah, didn't think so. Well what you just did is lay out boundaries, so well done. Boundaries are basically things you want and don’t want in your relationship. Sometimes a compromise, sometimes a hard line.”

Zoro and Luffy share a look, before Zoro speaks, his voice a grumble but holding confusion “Isn’t that just being respectful of your partners?”

Shanks shakes his head with a gentle smile “It’s a little more than that. See the way you asked Sanji to tell you when he talks to someone else, that's the boundary. Just respecting your partner would be just allowing him, but asking him to check in is what makes you comfortable.”

“So.. a boundary is an extra question you ask before things, that make you comfortable?”Luffy blinks up at Shanks with innocent confusion.

Shanks nods, ruffling Luffy’s hair with a slight chuckle. Trust Luffy to simplify it but understand. “Exactly anchor, well done.”

Luffy grins at the praise, before slumping a little with a pout “I don’t know any other boundaries though.”

“That’s okay too. You can talk about anything you might need or want from your partners, and that should be an ongoing discussion.” Shanks rubs his back gently, looking over to Zoro and Sanji making sure they’re following.

For their part, the other pair were watching Shanks talk, somehow moving closer together but not saying anything. Zoro looks down at his swords when Shanks looks at them, while Sanji meets his gaze.

When the others don’t say anything for a while Sanji speaks up “I have one, not an emotion one or nothing. But, don’t touch my cigarettes, or move them, or ask me to stop fully. Even as a joke. I’ll happily smoke somewhere else, but I’m not stopping.”

Zoro smirks as he pushes against Sanji more, but at the more relaxed request he seems to calm down, understanding the concept more “If Chopper heard you being so adamant about that he’d be angry.”

Sanji laughs “Yeah probably. But I need them. Helps my nerves.” His eyes find Zeff, knowing the older man didn’t approve. But seeing his nod, indicating he wouldn’t argue here, he relaxes.

“So long as you don’t stop my drinking we’ll have no issues.” Zoro smirks, though soon it becomes a soft smile as he explains “Helps me calm down. I know I’m too tense, and it probably isn’t a good way to relax, but it means I’m safe and I can relax.”

For a second Sanji tenses, before kissing Zoro’s head with a hum of agreement “You’re safe mossy. If you need sake to see that then so be it. Just don’t be drunk on watch.”

Zoro looks at him seriously as he shakes his head, not taking it as a lack of trust, just as reassurance “Never. I’d never let it affect the crew negatively.” He looks over to Luffy, happy to see him nodding along as well.

“My turn!” Luffy giggles having listened to them quietly, he's almost bouncing now, seemingly with childish energy “Same with my meat! No limiting my meat when I ask for it!”

“That’s not the same thing. I will be limiting that.” Sanji grumbles, glaring over at Luffy frustrated his immature captain is back rather than the emotionally smart one.

“But Sanji! That’s my boundary!” Luffy whines, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout. He really doesn’t understand the difference between what he asked for and what the others had asked. Was it just that he didn’t explain the reason?

“Don’t start abusing that already you rubber idiot. It’s not just so you can get extra things you want. Me and Zoro have reasons we need those things, you just like food. Needs verse wants.” Sanji keeps glaring over at him, fingers twitching to pull out a cigarette.

“Actually.. Luffy probably needs the extra food as much as you need those cigarettes or sake.”
Shanks cuts in with a hum, considering the situation as he glances down at the rubber boy. He glances at Mihawk, who nods, having come to a similar conclusion “Devil fruits use more energy, especially those that change your physical form. Plus who knows how much the gears use. Between the two things and his boundless energy and running around he burns a lot more calories than most people.”

Luffy puffs up his chest triumphantly, not noticing the shift in the air as he cheers “See! I told you! So when I ask for food, gimme food Sanji!”

Instead of the gruff, begrudging grumbled agreement Luffy had expected, he’s met with his partner being suddenly pale, stiff as a board even as Zoro rubs his arm trying to calm him. Luffy frowns, worried he’s messed up when Sanji sounds close to tears when he speaks up “Luffy… How… How often are you hungry after meals?”

Zeff leans forwards curious, but his eyes are trained on Sanji not Luffy. He knows his boy, the deep need to feed people, that something more than joy at seeing people full from his food. It’s how Sanji shows his love. If this isn’t handled well this could break him. Again.

Luffy looks at him, casually shrugging as he smiles “I dunno. Like 50% of the time? But usually the snacks and Zoro’s extras are enough that the hunger doesn’t hurt.” He knows Sanji is upset, but is trying to stay light. He knows better than to lie to Sanji about food, even if it hurts him. And he doesn’t see an issue with being hungry, knowing Sanji tries his best and he already gets extra food.

With shaking hands Sanji pulls out a cigarette, struggling to light it for a moment. Gently Zoro takes the lighter, and does it for him, slipping it back in Sanji’s pocket when he doesn’t acknowledge it. Sanji closes his eyes as he breathes in a few times, trying to calm himself and clear his mind before he can speak. Trying to shake the pain. “New rule- In the future if you’re hungry tell me. But no exaggerating. Deal?”

Luffy looks at Sanji and frowns, sitting upright for the first time since they restarted the discussion “Sanji is serious…”

“I am… I don’t like people being hungry. Luffy promise me.” He opens his eyes again, meeting Luffy’s gaze. His eyes swirl with regret and pain.

Luffy straightens, getting his serious expression as he nods. “I promise Sanji. No more exaggerating. I will tell you if I’m hungry.” When he carries on he grins, looking almost excited at the idea. “But you’ll give me food whenever I’m hungry? No questions?”

“Good.. I’ll make up a dish of snacks with high calories you can grab whenever you need without asking. That should help tide you over between meals. But if you need extra, yes, I’ll make food whenever you need.” Sanji nods, shoulders losing a bit of their tension as he rests back again. He hasn’t shaken the worry fully, but this helps.

“Sweet! Extra food!” Luffy grins like he’s won a competition. And if he’s trying to lighten the mood by being extra childish just to make Sanji smile again, they don’t need to know.

“No. Not extra. Enough food so you aren’t hungry.” Zoro grumbles, huffing even as he feels Sanji relax a bit more. He mumbles under his breath “Imagine him with more energy…”

Luffy pouts, settling back in his position next to Shanks, declaring the situation resolved, “But… Isn’t that just extra food?”

“Yes Luffy, it is.” Sanji lightly hits Zoro, huffing “Behave. He’s learning. And I want him fed. No more hunger.”

Zoro rubs Sanji’s hips quietly, noticing the tension and stress in Sanji isn't disappearing quickly. He stays as a silent support as he thinks over it all, before releasing “Boundaries. We gotta talk about stuff that upsets us so we can help each other.” He looks at Luffy “No waking him up for food. Sanji gets the least amount of sleep on the ship.”

Luffy frowns, eyes scanning Sanji looking for evidence Zoro is lying “He does?”

Sanji glares at Zoro, he’d always hoped no one had noticed that little habit.

“Yes. Sanji wakes up early to make breakfast, usually when the sun comes up. He’s cooking or meal planning or cleaning all day. Plus making snacks for the first watch. The last watch gets something before breakfast, so that one is finished before we’re all up.” Zoro has the most watches in the crew, so he’s noticed. He hadn’t said anything before, assuming Sanji napped like he did. But Sanji’s reaction now makes it clear he doesn’t.

When Luffy looks to Sanji for confirmation, who grumbles but doesn’t deny it. Frowning more, Luffy speaks “I don’t like that. Ummm boundary?” He grins at them when he says boundary, both misunderstanding them and worried about Sanji, but proud of himself thinking he understands.

Sanji face palms, while Shanks chuckles “Not how that works Ancor. You need to say what you want to happen.” Shanks rubs Luffy’s back when he grumbles and makes himself smaller. “In this situation a boundary might be to ask Sanji to nap when he isn’t working, or let you or Zoro know if he’s too tired.”

“Yeah! I like that idea much more!” Luffy is sitting back up happily again, pointing to Sanji with a grin “Sanji! Boundary! You need to tell me or Zoro if you are too tired. And you have to nap.”

Sanji chuckles quietly before nodding “Okay, okay. I’ll tell you. And I’ll try nap, though I don’t always have time.”

“Then… We’ll do the dishes so you have time!” He bounces looking at Zoro “Me and Zoro, or we take turns. That way Sanji has less work to do.”

Sanji is quiet a moment before nodding “Some help in the kitchen could be nice…”

Zoro rubs his back proudly letting the agreement settle in the air for a minute before he speaks “Boundary.” He sounds less sure than Luffy but just as worried “Tell us if you're struggling. Both of you. I can’t find you like that again.”

Sanji and Luffy share a look, a small smile as they nod “Sure Zoro!” “Okay mossy. As long as you do the same. No more dissociating. Or at least not alone.”

Zoro grumbles but nods.

“No. Say it.” He grabs Zoro’s chin making him look at him, “You really scared me Zoro.”

Zoro snorts, getting defensive now he feels vulnerable and calls out, “Me? What about when I found you half dead on the table?”

“Hey! We talked about that already and I said I would try. Don’t throw that back in my face now.” Sanji growls, his voice turning defensive.

“Well it doesn’t magically erase it, and you say you’ll talk but you haven’t proved it yet, so how do we know we won't find you dead next time.” The words come out nearly a growl, pain and fear coming to their typical anger as Zoro pulls out of his hold.

Sanji reels back like he’s been slapped, the anger from Zoro seemingly coming from nowhere, but Sanji always meets Zoro’s anger “Oi.The fuck?! I am trying okay? You know the shit I’ve been through. I am still trying.”

“Yeah yeah, we all have trauma. Doesn’t mean I have to trust what you say. You easily could go back on it, all flippy floppy when you get over emotional.” Zoro glares, moving so he’s no longer touching Sanji.

“Um… Maybe we should take a break before someone says something they regret?” Luffy frowns, watching the pair worriedly.

But his words are drowned out as Sanji growls back “Just because I actually have emotions while you are stuck as an emotionally constipated tree.”

Zoro clenches his fist around his sword “Like hell that’s better. Not like you talk to us about them, hiding your pain. Damn hypocrite."

Sanji shoves Zoro off the sofa, “I told you I’m trying okay?!? At least I make an attempt unlike you, I try to talk about it all while you, even in this conversation, bottle up your damn emotions. You’re literally bottling your vulnerability into anger right now so you don’t have to deal with it!”

“At least we know tomorrow I’ll still have emotions!” It’s like a scream that cracks the fragile air of the room. Everyone freezes, no one dares to breathe and it’s as if time itself has paused to check it heard correctly.

As soon as the words leave Zoro’s mouth he knew he messed up. Sanji goes rigid, while Luffy looks at them confused. Zoro steps back towards the sofa, trying to reach Sanji, to comfort him, but Sanji turns and punches him in the nose.

“Fuck you Zoro. I know you don’t like being vulnerable, but you don’t gotta throw that in my face. I told you that when I was terrified.” His words aren’t full of anger now, but grief and pain as his fisted hands tremble.

Zoro groans, holding his bleeding nose, but doesn't argue, instead looking down ashamed, voice small “I know. I’m sorry Sanji. I messed up.”

“Yeah, you did.” The simple words held Sanji’s pain, knowing he couldn’t just shove this conversation into a box and ignore it.

They sit in tense silence, unsure of what they just heard. Mihwak and Shanks glance over at Zeff, seeing if he knows what's going on, when they see his face, pale but confused, they frown more. Between them Luffy has shifted, eyes not leaving Sanji as if he could read the answer on the older boy's face, ”I don’t understand. Why would Sanji lose his emotions? He’s not like them?”

Zoro looks down while Sanji glares at him, his words dripping with venom, but there is a tense edge, an edge of fear. “Yeah Zoro, why might I. Go on, since you want to share everything you can share this too.”

“Sanji I’m sorry, I already said I-” Zoro reaches out to him, regret sweeping over his face as he tries to think how to make this better.

Instead, Sanji pulls away from him, hugging himself, he does keep watching Zoro, if only so he doesn’t have to see the confused look on Zeff or Luffy’s face “I don’t care. Finish what you’ve started now.”

Zoro sighs, looking at Luffy, trying to keep his voice level “Luffy… When Sanji wore the raid suit there was a chance he’d lose his emotions. He… He told me because he didn’t want to hurt the crew…”

Luffy takes a moment to take in the information, frowning as he does “You.. You asked him to stop you.” It isn’t a question, but Luffy hopes he’s misunderstood, his voice small and shaking at the implication.

“I’d never forgive myself if I hurt the crew. But if I end up like my brothers I could. Easily.” Sanji’s eyes drop to the floor now, a slight tremble in his hands as his mind plays out what could happen if he became like them, images of the crew at his feet he’s been trying to push down for weeks resurfacing.

Luffy takes in the information, and despite still sitting on Shanks’ lap he doesn’t look like the young boy he was when he started sailing, he looks like the serious captain of the strawhats. “Why didn’t you tell me? We can look at other ways. I will call Law.”

Sanji smiles sadly “There isn’t anything Law can do. It’s genetic mutations. Law isn’t a geneticist. I already asked him.” He glances at Luffy, wanting to hug him, be hugged by his captain, but too scared to move.

Luffy frowns more before lowering his hat to shade his eyes, an unexpected anger taking over him “You told Law, but not me.”

“Shit- Luffy I… I was still in the mindset of I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want to put that on you without having any method of stopping it.” Sanji does now stand, making his way over to kneel in front of Luffy, trying to see the youngers’ face.

“I deserved to at least know Sanji. We can look at other ways.” Luffy raises his head slightly, letting Sanji see the tears gathering in his eyes.

Reaching out to gently cup Luffy’s cheek, Sanji frowns more, his thumb gently rubbing Luffy’s cheek, “I’m sorry Luffy, you're right. From now on, no more secrets. Okay?”

Luffy nods, hugging himself “No more secrets.” After saying that he frowns, remembering his own secret. He chews his lip, debating if he should tell them.

Interpreting the reaction as worry Sanji squeezes Luffy’s knee, “Luffy.. I’m sorry. There isn’t anything we can do.”

Luffy nods, deciding to keep his secret for now “I know. I trust Sanji.”

Sanji relaxes a little “Thank you Luffy. I’m sorry I hid this.”

Luffy nods again “I know Sanji was scared, it’s okay. But no more secrets.”

“Yes. No more secrets. I promise.” Sanji kisses Luffy’s nose, before standing back up to make his way to Zoro.

Luffy nods, settling happily back curled against Shanks. For his part Shanks smiles, resting his hand on Luffy’s back again.

Sanji pauses in front of Zoro, who is still stood holding his nose "I'm not sorry about the nose.”

Zoro snorts, before wincing in pain “Yeah, I deserved that.” He allows Sanji to pull his hand from his nose briefly, before following him to settle back on the sofa.

The room goes quiet again then, as Sanji settles back with Zoro, thinking “We probably have other boundaries we can’t think of right now. If… If I put a whiteboard in our room can you add any you think of and we can talk about it? I have a spare in the kitchen.”

Zoro grumbles but doesn’t outright refuse, while Luffy grins, back to his happy self, “Yeah! Yeah!”

Sanji nods, making a mental note to move the board. He glances over to Zeff, remembering the board he’d had while staying with the older cook. But Zeff is refusing to look at Sanji, his face a wash of emotions. He’s angry. Devastated for his boy. Learning now the genetic mutations the boy would scream about in nightmares might now take him, it crushed him and broke him. But not knowing is worse. Like Luffy, he hadn’t known, but that moment of anger wasn’t his. It was for the boys. And he had to grieve on the side for the child he nearly lost without realising. Knowing he can’t do anything to help.

 

“Zeff?” Its a small, nervous voice like a child crying to not disappoint a parent.

“We’ll talk later. I… I have words.” Zeff shakes his head, glaring at the floor so he doesn’t glare at Sanji.

Frowning, Sanji briefly cuddles into Zoro, nervous but nodding “Okay… Zeff I’m sorry I-”

“Later eggplant.” It’s almost a growl, but too soft to fully become one, too full of worry and care to hold the anger.

 

They settle into an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, Sanji almost trying to hide in Zoro, while Zeff takes deep breaths trying to calm down. Finally Luffy speaks up “We’ve finished now?... Does that mean it’s my turn?” He looks over to Sani and Zoro worriedly.

Sanji opens his arms, wanting to comfort his boyfriend during the breakdown they know is coming “If you still want to talk about it. You already have some.”

Luffy launches himself across the room, curling into Sanji’s chest “I want to… Talking makes things hurt less after.”

Zoro rests a hand on Luffy’s wrist “Only as long as you want to. And you can take breaks whenever you need. Just say.”

Luffy nods, looking up at them, a small smile on his face, honest even as the edges tremble “I do. I need help. More help than just Zoro can give.”

If Luffy had said that just hours ago it might have broken Zoro, but now? Zoro gets a soft smile and kisses Luffy’s head “Yeah. Other help than partners.”