Work Text:
BANG!
"What the hell was that?" Aaron barked behind me. I huffed frustratedly as I lowered the gun to look at where I had hit the target, and of course, I completely missed it. "What are you supposed to do?"
"Front sight, trigger press, follow through..." I mumbled as I turned back to meet him in the suit he always wore no matter what he was training me for—his hands on his hips with a face of disappointment.
"and what did you not do?"
"I didn't follow through..." he nodded. "Try again."
I sighed and faced the target again. I lifted my gun and aimed. Front sight... I briefly pressed the trigger. Trigger press... I let out a deep exhale before pressing the trigger and tried to stay still as the bullet hit the target. Follow throu-
"Are you simply not following the instructions or what?" Aaron barked out. I jolt ever so slightly. I lowered my gun and saw it had missed the target once more. "I've told you time and time again. It's front sight, trigger press and follow through! What are you not getting!?"
My hands trembled a bit as I stared at the target. The empty target. The voices in my head were getting louder. Voices that I've been trying too hard to not listen to. The ones where it was constantly comparing my abilities to everyone else. It had gotten so loud that it managed to drown out Aaron's words. I gulped and stepped back a bit.
"Are you even listening to me?" Aaron yelled. I instantly dropped the gun onto the table, took off the gears and glanced back at him. "I... I need a minute sir." I said before dashing off.
I ran as fast as I could. I didn't care where I was running to. I just wanted to run away from the voices if possible. My legs eventually brought me to the gym. My chest rose and fell as I panted. I went up to the punching bag and touched it gently.
Pathetic. Running away from your issues again? Worthless.
"Urgh!" I yelled as I punched the bag with all my strength without any gear. I knew the skin on my knuckles would split but in the moment, nothing mattered. I used my combat skills against the poor punching bag.
After a while, the adrenaline high died down. I sniffled as tears fell, feeling exhausted from everything. I hugged the punching bag before slowly slipping down and sitting on the padded floor. My arms wrapped around my knees as I press my forehead on my knees.
Then someone called out my name. My head instantly shot up. It was him. My eyes widened briefly. I frantically wiped my tears and sat properly. "Sir-"
"Just call me Aaron," he said as he approached. he then slowly got down and sat next to me on the floor. My eyes followed each of his movements. But the one thing that caught my attention was his eyes. It lacked that cold exterior he always had.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly. I sniffled and looked down.
I could hear him sigh softly. "Look at me." I bit my inner cheek and looked up at him. he smiled a bit as if to cheer me up. "You can tell me anything."
I hesitated. I knew he could see my hesitation. He looked down at my hand and saw my bloody knuckles. He sighed and got up to grab the first aid kit. "No it's fine-"
he ignored my protest, grabbed the kit and sat across me this time. He took my hand and started attending to the split skin. I winced occasionally as he applied an antiseptic solution to the tears. "Stay still." he scolded softly.
I couldn't help the pout that appeared after, earning a soft chuckle from him. I watched as he meticulously patched up the wounds using some gauze and bandage. His thumb lingered over the bandage momentarily before looking up at me. "talk to me... tell me what you're feeling..." He said softly.
Something about this side of him made me feel comfortable to share with him the deepest darkest secret ever. I sighed and looked at him. "I'm afraid... I'm afraid I won't be good enough..." I admitted.
His brown hazel eyes instantly softened at me. "What makes you say that?"
I played with the shoelaces of my shoes. "I've always been compared to others since young... the voices in my head... they keep telling me that I'm not good enough..."
He nodded as he listened. "I just... I'm trying so hard to not listen to the voices..."
"let me tell you something..." he adjusted himself to make sure I was looking at him. "You have been doing amazing..."
I scoffed softly. "I'm shit at shooting-"
"you don't need a gun to take down an Unsub." he chuckled softly. "And honestly, you are one of the most promising agents for the future that I've come across."
I stared at him in disbelief which only made him chuckle. "I'm being serious." He said.
"Well, I don't trust you."
he chuckled again. "you have the top score for the entrance exam into the Academy. You have the best score overall in the whole cohort. Heck, even if you fail your firearm exam, I don't think it'll affect your score that much."
My heart quickened at the thought of failing. I let out a shaky breath. He saw it too. "You can't be afraid to fail in this line of work... sure, failing meant there will be consequences but that's how we learn how to adapt to different situations. We can't rely on textbooks all the time..."
I kept my head down. He reached out and gently lifted his finger to lift my chin to make sure I was looking at him. "You need to learn how to trust yourself...:"
I blinked at him. "how?" I whispered.
"One thing my old mentor told me that got me through this type of situation is you need to have some form of high ego persona." My face contorts into confusion. I couldn't tell if he was joking.
He laughed. "I'm being serious. He told me that the majority of the people you'll meet in this line of work have some form of ego complex where they think they're better than anyone else. It's just them know how to control it."
"oh..." I thought about it. "you don't have to go rub our skills into people's faces. I'm just saying that you can try thinking as one and maybe you'll be more confident with what you're capable of because you are capable..."
I smiled a bit and nodded. "no more crying okay? You're doing amazing already... And honestly, I can't wait to work with you..." He said softly.
My heart turned mushy at his words. His confidence in my abilities was comforting to me. It made me trust myself a lil bit more. But the one thing that was significant in this moment was the voices in my head... it's quiet now.
"Let's take a break for the rest of the day. We'll do your firearm training another day." He said before getting up. He offered his hand towards me and I took it. He pulled me up onto my feet before ruffling my hair. " Rest well."
He walked away. "Thank you, sir..." I said softly. he turned around briefly. "I told you to call me Aaron. I've been training you for the past 8 months, no need for formality. Especially since you shared a side of you that you kept hidden away."
The corners of my lips curled up and chuckled softly. "Then thank you, Aaron."
He nods his head before walking away...
Many months later...
I smiled as I walked the stage and received my FBI badge. After a year or so of training, I'm finally where I want to be. I bowed politely before walking off stage. I waited for the ceremony to be over before walking into the audience to see a familiar figure.
I smiled and waved at him. "Aaron," I called out.
He chuckled as he walked up to me and he wasn't alone. "Congratulations. You made it through," he said. I grinned at him. "Damn right, I did. Thanks to you."
"I'm proud of you." he said softly before handing me a bouquet to me. "thank you."
He then stepped back and suddenly remembered about his team. "Oh meet my team." he then introduced them one by one. I smiled and bowed politely at them.
"So you're the one hotch have been training for the past few months..." Penelope said. I chuckled and nodded.
"Team, she is the newest addition to the BAU team," Aaron said. I watched as his team looked between me and him. I giggled softly and playfully curtseyed to confirm that I was joining the BAU.
The girls squealed and hugged me. "oof!"
"Careful. Don't hurt the recruit," Aaron said, earning chuckles from the rest.
"Another member for girls night!" Penelope exclaimed.
"Well, we should all celebrate and get to know our new member at my place. I'll make my signature pasta," Rossi said. The girls dragged me as we all collectively left the ceremony. I glance back at Aaron with a look to check whether this level of chaos is normal. He chuckled and nodded.
Aaron followed behind us with a smile his eyes only stayed on me...
"aye Rossi," Derek called out softly.
The older looked at him. "is it just me or is Hotch very fond of the recruit..."
Rossi smiled and looked at Aaron who had not stopped looking at the new girl since we left the ceremony. Rossi swirled his scotch. "Seems like he likes her more than he admits."
As if on cue, Aaron gave her a glass of wine and sat mere inches away from her. The two males exchanged knowing glances and subtly bet $50 on how this would turn out...