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Something Daniel Díaz never told anyone after being rescued from the cult, was how much he came to hate the sound of morning bird calls, the specific chirrups and whistles only accompanied by the rising crest of the sun. He used to love them back in Seattle. The cheerful barrage of squawks usually signified he and Noah had spent way too long building a shelter in Minecraft. It meant that his father was about to sleepily stumble into his room and order Daniel to bed, holding a cup of coffee in hand and a relenting smile.
But in Haven Point, bird songs came to mean a new day full of lessons, experimental training, and other exhausting what-nots. Lisbeth tried to make them fun at first, giving Daniel a Choco-Crisp for his cooperation after hours of dragging church sessions or training, but it wasn’t exactly like puberty gave up on the boy. Daniel still was the same mood-swinging preteen. From the first time he refused to lift a fallen tree after a storm, the boy quickly learned Sean had a sea of patience for him, and Lisbeth had a thin and vaporing puddle.
He had trusted Lisbeth, after what happened in Humboldt he needed someone to rely on. Daniel could barely even process the thought of him killing his own brother, and when he could, it ended in gasping sobs that Sean could no longer answer with soft rocking motions or hushed words of comfort. In this horrid cycle of self blame and fear, it was quite easy for Lisbeth to pry Daniel’s past from his mouth. Not only that, but it was quite simple to guide the once joyful boy into a desperate child wanting and willing to do anything to repent for everything he’s done. God had given him a beautiful gift, and he had wasted it. Sean was dead, and it was all Daniel’s fault.
Lisbeth’s soft and soothing tones telling Daniel how great he was, how much of an angel he was for what he could do, quickly soured into guilt trips and barely disguised threats. If one cuss word slipped unorderly out of Daniel’s mouth, or if he refused to do even the most useless things, there would be hell to pay. Morning Time was the closest Earth got to heaven, the newness of a day proving itself pure, or so Lisbeth said. Every morning before the sun was even allowed to rise, the brown haired boy was conditioned to raise his aching body from his mattress at the sound of a hand rung bell and venture outside to wait for a task that woman would give him with a condescending smile marketed as loving.
Lifting countless objects, reciting lines upon lines of scripture, even being asked to cure Sarah Lee on rare occasions, as if telekinesis warranted regeneration abilities. That was the life of Daniel Díaz in the early hours of the morning for quite a long time. That’s why those stupid chirps and raucous squawks dug into the boy’s mind and took any joy away from dawn.
“Daniel, Daniel wake up. I want to show you something” A voice rouses Daniel from his fitful sleep, hushed as to not wake Karen from the other room in the mildly cramped trailer.
Daniel lifts his head from the blue couch cushion and forces himself to sit up. The boy wrinkled his nose, the familiar pangs of waking up far too early sparking up his spine. For a few good seconds melancholy took over his expression, before Daniel realized where he was, and all of that weight lifted off of his shoulders.
“What Sean, can’t it wait till the afternoon? It’s dark outside. I’m tired.” Daniel whined, but got up all the same.
“No silly, that’d ruin the whole point.” Sean replies, leaving the trailer while Daniel struggles to put on his shoes, hopping on one foot while trailing Sean.
The whole horizon was aglow with different brilliant shades of purple, indigo, and even a small sliver of flushed orange where the sky met the ground. Sean dragged two red folding chairs from beside the trailer and opened them up with a small creaking sound, setting them diagonally facing each other. Sean plopped unceremoniously onto one of the chairs, while Daniel gingerly lowered himself into the other. The atmosphere was ethereal and gorgeous, both boys could admit that, but Daniel couldn’t help but feel mildly upset, tired and yet overly alert. The air was quiet for now, but the absence of birds somehow didn’t make Daniel feel any better.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I woke up from..” A pause cuts Sean off. Nightmares. Daniel knew Sean had them too, but the older boy never spoke of them. The boy knew Sean just wanted to protect him from all of the pain he was in, but it felt useless. Especially when Daniel knew he was partially responsible for a few select terrors, including the reason for that eyepatch. Guilt flooded Daniel’s entire tense frame, and he lowered his saddened gaze to the sand. Sean notices, but decides to move on for now, not wanting to make his brother feel any worse by addressing the issue. It was almost harder than talking about their father. At least in that case they could share the same grief.
“Anyhow, I uh, I woke up and saw this sky, I just had to grab you. It’s different out here in the open skies, no city lights or tall trees to block the true colors of dawn.” Sean eases the words, feeling quite unsatisfied with the forced smile Daniel flickers to him in response.
The blood reddish orange horizon fans across the sky, bleeding into a soft and rosy pink blush which overlaps the overhead indigo. Silence falls over the brothers, and Daniel can’t help but feel tears prick at his eyes. He should be enjoying this moment with Sean, it’s been so long since they’ve relaxed alone without the pressure of death looming over the two of them. He was just being a baby again, getting overwhelmed by something that in reality was beautiful. Daniel bit his lip, desperately trying to keep himself from staining this moment with his messy tears, Sean didn’t have to know how much this all brought back horrific memories, it could just be a nice moment if Daniel could just stop thinking about the resemblances.
It worked for a few minutes, Daniel just stared at the sandy ground instead of at the sky and tried to remind himself just because his eyes and body felt tired he wasn’t back there. There were no expectations, no punishments. He wasn’t in Haven Point anymore. That woman wasn’t his mother nor his leader, and never would try to be ever again.
Right before Daniel could fully push down the tears and memories, he heard a chirp. The first bird call of the birthed sunlight. The young boy couldn’t help it any longer. He bursts into tears, clapping a hand over his mouth as an ugly sob wrenches itself out of his body. How could he think he escaped? Daniel was right back in that damned yard behind the church, nervous and yearning for sleep that was never granted. Fear flowing through his body at the thought of messing up, of accidentally hurting someone again. Terrified of going to hell for what he did in Humboldt. Bracing himself for the backhand to the face that would inevitably follow a screw up because he deserved it- all because of fucking Lisbeth-
“Hey, Hey enano, look at me. Please?” All of a sudden Daniel was back in the sagging lawnchair, and Sean was kneeled in front of him with a concerned look on his face. The little rocks and sand particles that had started floating due to his rising emotions drip-dropped back onto the ground softly. Daniel gulps as his breath hitches unevenly, tears trekking down his face. Of course he couldn’t shut his fat mouth up, he had to cry like a little baby that needed pampering.
“I’m fine- Just- Just drop it.” Daniel whimpers the words out, wincing as Sean shakes his head and pulls the boy straight into his lap. Daniel still was small enough to fit, having grown a few inches but not exceeding the bounds of Sean’s knees.
“C’mon.. You know you can always talk to me right? I’m sorry I never brought it up, I never meant to make you feel like you couldn’t talk to me. It’s just.. I can’t stand the look in your eyes when you see my eyepatch, like you’re scared of hurting me again.”
Daniel finally cracks, he could act tougher than he ever could before his time in Haven Point, but in the comfort and safety of Sean’s arms it all came crashing down. Sean rubs his back as Daniel simply loses control and lets wave after wave of sobs roll out of him. He was safe now, and Sean made sure he knew it. He lightly rocked Daniel just like he did in that motel, just like their father did several times in Seattle. Once Daniel calms down enough to think straight he shakes his head and moves reluctantly from Sean to go back into the trailer.
“The birds. I can’t- Inside.” The boy chokes out, and Sean nods with little understanding of the situation but recognizing something about those bird calls fucked him up.
Karen had woken from the sobs outside the trailer and gave Daniel an empathetic look before she went past them outside to light a cigarette and to give the two boys some space for whatever conversation it seemed they were about to have, figuring it was about time. Even Karen recognized the unspoken tension between the Díaz brothers over the past week, and was fully prepared for when one of them exploded.
Daniel settled himself on the blue cushions once more, and took a small breath before looking up to his brother. He had no clue how to start this conversation, and Sean didn’t either.
“I’m sorry.” They both said in sync, before Daniel let out a small breathy chuckle, and Sean quickly followed. The stiff air loosened into a more comfortable environment, and Daniel wiped his tears away with his wrist. Sean lets out a long sigh, and takes the first step. Just like he always did.
“Listen Daniel, you can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened on that farm. You were 9, of course you wanted to please Finn. I should’ve kept a better eye on you, I should’ve been more supportive so you didn’t need to look elsewhere. It was my fault-” Sean was abruptly interrupted by Daniel quickly shaking his head.
“But it wasn’t! I hate when you do that Sean. You always are trying to protect me from the truth when it’s obvious you’re hurting too! I’ve seen the way you stay away from mirrors. Sean you always cringe away, you hate having to wear an eyepatch all the time and you do it anyway because you think it’ll gross people out! You bump into walls and just play it off like losing an eye was no biggie! I hate it!” Daniel laments, finally saying the words he didn’t have the nerve to when he first got out of Haven Point.
The trailer goes silent as Sean sighs, trying to think of the right words to say. At this point the sun had risen high enough to send soft beams through the kitchenette window, milky yellows reaching their warming tendrils onto the fabric of the couches.
“Listen enano, I’m sorry if I made this worse. I love you and just wanted to protect you, I don’t want you to blame yourself for what happened. It’s too big of a burden for you to carry. I thought if I showed how much of a struggle living with one eye is, you’d feel terrible. I never wanted you to think I hated you for what happened, which I could never bring myself to do in a thousand years. But, I guess you’ve grown more perceptive over the years. And keeping it from you just hurt you more in the long run.” Sean murmurs, looking up to the younger boy on the opposite couch from him.
“Sean, I want to know when things are up with you too, you’re my brother. I’ve grown after what happened in Seattle, Especially since.. Well, y’know.” Haven Point. Daniel couldn’t hold back a shiver even thinking of the name of that dreadful church. Even though that woman was dead, Daniel still felt her condemning eyes on the back of his neck.
Sean notices this and rests his hands on his knees, leaning forward and softening his eyes. Daniel’s breath hitches once, and almost falls apart all over again but Sean speaks up, staying careful and gentle with his wording and tone.
“We never did talk about the church, did we? You can, if you need to get something off of your chest. I’m here for you Daniel.” With those soft words Daniel feels a tug in his heart. He needs to talk, he just didn’t have the right words. How could he describe all of the fear, the guilt? How can something even as simple as the smell of rosemary, or the call of birds send a shiver down his spine? Daniel had a worm in his brain that ate all rationality and presentness from a situation if those simple resemblances were brought up. The fear was a sleeping wildcat laying on his chest that could wake up and tear everything apart at any given moment.
“I don’t know.. It’s kind of hard to explain. I sound like a crazy person when I try to piece together the words, they don’t fit, it doesn’t make sense.” Daniel mumbles, letting his gaze fall to the floor in surrender.
“Try me. No matter what, I’ll try to listen.” Sean rebukes, determined to help his brother unravel and figure out the mess of his mind. Sean had noticed Daniel slipping away ever since they arrived in Arizona, the smaller boy would be totally fine one moment, and the next he would be excusing himself to the bathroom with teary eyes like something had happened that nobody could see but him.
Daniel lifted himself off of one side of the trailer's cushioned couches to the other, nudging his body under Sean’s arm as a weight to ground himself. The boy took in a deep breath and analyzed the way the sun’s light beams were cut into by the windmill outside the trailer. Shadows smoothly swept around the floor, and Daniel timed his breathing to the rhythm the movement created as he prepared himself to speak.
“Sometimes, even if I’m having fun with you or mom, something small will happen. Usually it’s a certain word or- or like a smell? And then I remember. I remember Hav- The church. It’s painful Sean, I can’t stop the memories flooding in and I forget where I am or what’s even going on. It’s like I’m in the past, and I don’t know how to get out of it.” The words slowly coax themselves out of Daniel, sometimes stumbling over each other but overall remaining cohesive.
Sean sighs, rubbing his brother’s back and tugging him closer as the words tumble out of him. A tiny bud of understanding blooms in Sean’s heart. He knew exactly what his brother was describing, he’s had his fair share of flashbacks and traumatic moments since Seattle.
“Daniel, there’s nothing “crazy” or “wrong” with you for that. Those are called flashbacks, they typically happen in people that have struggled with a lot of trauma. You went through a lot in Nevada, you were in a cult for Christ’s sake. Those small things? They’re triggers, and they bring back traumatic settings or memories. You aren’t alone in this enano, I promise you.” With Sean’s reassurances Daniel relaxes a tad bit, perking his head up to look his brother in the eye.
“I didn’t know there was a name for it. It makes more sense now, I thought I was just overreacting, being a baby. Sean, do you get them too?” Daniel asks, both wanting the answer to be no for his brother’s sake and also wanting to have someone that understands what the trapping feeling in his chest felt like.
“Yeah, I get them too Daniel. Mostly the memories come back in nightmares, but if a door is opened a certain way it sounds just like it did in Merril’s office. It’s awful, but it’s something I’ve learned to live with, and you will too. You aren’t crazy, just traumatized.” Sean has trouble being vulnerable instead of protectively impassive with his troubles, but he figures being open with his brother could be the thing that helps him most.
Daniel lets out a soft breath and hugs Sean, trying his best to comfort his older brother and show him he was there for him too. They stay like that for a long time, Sean eventually tearing up and letting his heart bleed for the first time since rescuing Daniel. Sean had taken the role of a stable adult ever since the Seattle incident, but a part of him still was that teenage boy that just wanted to be held and looked after for once. After a few small sniffles and sobs from both boys they pull away from the hug. The birds outside were muted for the most part, but a few whistles slithered their way into the trailer. The sounds were beautiful, and Daniel wanted nothing more than to just hear birds again, and not Lisbeth’s voice commanding him alongside it.
“The.. triggers? Do they ever go away Sean? I used to love sneaking out with you and sitting on the top of Dads car, listening to the birds and guessing what species made each call. I miss it, and now it’s ruined forever because of my stupid brain. I just think of stupid Lisbeth and her stupid lessons.” Daniel bit out, curling his knees to his chest as he bitterly stared at the ground, mourning the loss of those simpler days.
Sean suppresses an intense feeling of anger towards Lisbeth, knowing his protective fury would only upset Daniel more at this moment. The teen suspires, he wishes he could nod and tell Daniel everything would be fixed and back to normal, but he just didn’t know. Sean wasn’t sure if he could ever go into an enclosed building without heart clenching anxiety that someone wouldn’t let him out. Sean hums and brushes Daniel’s fallen hair out of his face.
“I don’t know enano, they could lessen with exposure, or maybe not. I’m not too sure myself, but I do know that you are strong, and your brain is sure as hell not stupid. You’re fuerte. We can get through this, okay? We just have to be resilient, and we are. I mean, who else could do the things you’ve done Enano?” Sean encourages, nudging Daniel’s rib with his elbow playfully. Daniel lets out a small giggle and shoves Sean lightly.
“Hey, you were the one that stuck up to that old hag inside a burning building. That’s pretty badass Sean.” Daniel notes with a slightly awed tone. Sean smiles and feigns nonchalance, stretching his arms outward with faux arrogance. Daniel chuckles and loosens his posture, feeling so lucky to have a brother like Sean.
With a simple swoosh of Daniel’s hand, a Choco-Crisp on the kitchenette counter flew directly into the boy’s hand. Sean let out a small huff of laughter and rolled his eyes at the smug look Daniel gave him as he unwrapped the last chocolate bar. To the teen’s great surprise, Daniel splits the bar and hands him a piece albeit the smaller half. As they chow down, Daniel seems to be deep in thought before he finishes his portion and turns to Sean.
“Can you promise me something? Can you stop keeping things from me? I know you want to protect me, but I’m not that little kid from Seattle anymore. I want to help, Sean. We can do this together.” Daniel asks, eyes determined as he asks Sean to finally be open with him, to not isolate himself in his troubles anymore. After a few moments Sean nods, looking into Daniel's eyes to get across that he was being serious.
“I promise Dan, I won’t hide things from you anymore. You’re much too perceptive anyhow, it just makes things worse for the both of us, I realize that now.” In response to this Daniel leaps again onto Sean, giving him a big ole hug around the neck.
“Thank you. We can do this, both of us. We’re a team, right? Also.. can we still hang out in the mornings? They make me scared, and nervous, but I want them back. I want to enjoy the sunrise again.” Daniel tests the words, not used to talking about his timidness around morning times. Sean nods, and pats Daniel’s back encouragingly.
“Of course enano. We should take it slow, but maybe with time you can enjoy the sunrise again. And if not, I just want you to know it doesn’t make you weak. Brains are odd creatures Daniel. They don’t always listen. I’ll be here every step of the way.” Sean didn’t want to act like he had all of the answers, because he didn’t. But they could try, atleast.
Daniel nods, burrowing his face into Seans chest as he embraces the possibility of healing, of growth. Maybe he didn’t have to be alone forever. Maybe he could find peace, not only to where they headed in Puerto Lobos, but in his mind and in his brother. Daniel had Sean, and now he has Karen. Maybe things would turn out for the better, and he could once more find peace in dawn.
1.5 months later
The canyon rock was a comforting presence under the two wolf brothers as they slept, solid and steady. A sly breeze whistled and whipped across the slab’s surface, still transformed cool to the touch by the soothingly chilly night. But the muddy red rock would quickly warm with the rising sun. Soft blues meld with caressing lilacs.
Daniel stirs, his eyes fluttering open. Once sat up, the boy's eager eyes take in the sight, and he can’t help but let his jaw fall open softly in awe of what he was witnessing. Viewing the delicate colors dissipate and reform in the sky elegantly was even more graceful on an elevated space. With an eagle's cry, the boy felt a small and thin film of dread over his pure excitement, but it was less all consuming now. While the fear and flashbacks still happened, with Sean by his side helping him, they significantly lessened in both severity and frequency.
The young boy knew they would most likely never fully disappear, the side effects of what he’s been through, the trauma. He would still wake up in a cold sweat from a dream or choke on tears during a particularly harsh flashback, but he didn’t have to deal with them alone anymore. Hugs helped, and so did doodling with Sean as they discussed what woke Daniel up with such potent terror. Talking about the memories and the twisted dreams that would haunt Daniel’s mind made them feel less real, less in the moment ready to attack him.
Sean also improved ever since that night he promised to be more open. While Sean didn’t discuss what haunted him often, he would be honest if he was hurting or upset, and would accept Daniel’s playful way of cheering him up. It took a few weeks, and Sean still wore his eyepatch everywhere outside of the trailer, but Sean finally let Daniel see under the patch. Fear or maybe even disgust was what the older teen thought his brother would feel when he finally saw his socket, but Daniel only grinned and called him a true pirate. Of course Sean sensed a heavy guilt in Daniel, and he made sure to let his brother know he was not blamed every chance he got.
A few more birds chirp in perky conversation to one another, and Daniel swallows thickly in both fondness and apprehension. The breeze almost sweeps away a scrap of paper Daniel scribbled and doodled on last night with Sean and Daniel uses his powers to gently coax it into his pocket. Now that he was snapped into the moment, Daniel nudges Sean to wake him up from his slumber
“Hey, wake up Sean. Dude, come on!” Daniel announces, a small humorous grin forming on his face as his brother grumbles incoherently in his half asleep state.
“What? What time is it?” Sean mumbles, reluctantly sitting up and stretching his limbs, once awake he turns to Daniel questioningly.
“Get up! It’s so beautiful, check it out.” Daniel marvels, standing up to approach the cliff. Now that Sean was awake and getting up as well his nervousness shrinks, leaving only awe of the beautiful view in front of his blessed eyes. The older teen stands as well and meets Daniel at the edge of the canyon, eye drinking in the gorgeous nature that surrounded them both. The ten year old turns and grins wolfishly to his brother.
“So…?” Daniel drawls smugly with a chuckle, knowing Sean was just as absorbed by the beauty as he was. The older teen huffs playfully with an eye roll.
“Yeah, okay. Good call. Wow, that’s.. Amazing.” Sean relents, staring at the soft and puffy clouds drifting lazily in the calm morning sky.
“I know.” Daniel notes, this time his voice was more serious. Sean flicks his gaze to his brother to check if the surrounding area was upsetting Daniel, but the smaller boy offers a teeny smile of reassurance. He was okay for now.
After a few more moments of looking at the breathtaking sky, Sean blinks and lifts his hand to his eyepatch to let some debris out. A small amount of sand had collected in the space during sleep, and it was slightly irritating the skin. Daniel tilts his head and notices Sean’s wince with a look of concern.
“Is your eye okay?” He asks in a small tone, trying to seem approachable if Sean was upset by something.
“Yeah, just itches.” Sean reassures the younger boy, nudging him with a small appreciative smile. When the look of worry doesn’t fade off of the boy’s face Sean leans down and rests his hands gently onto Daniel’s shoulders.
“It’s okay, enano.” Sean nods, most definitely not wanting Daniel to panic or think he’s lying. When the boy starts a sentence and trails off, Sean squeezes the younger’s shoulders to get his attention. He looks into Daniel’s eyes in that “I’m not lying to you” way.
“Promise.” Sean adds, a small chuckle of affection spilling out of him. He was so lucky to have someone that looked out for him like that, he couldn’t help but smile and feel warm. Daniel nods and agrees finally, letting up.
Sean tugs the boy into a bear hug, rocking him back and forth gently as he sets his chin on top of Daniel’s head. He had come so far from both that grumpy and moody preteen in Humboldt, and from the isolated and scared boy from Haven Point. The older teen couldn’t help but wonder in what other ways Daniel would change before this was all over. They still weren’t in Puerto Lobos, and things weren’t set in stone. Overwhelming amounts of love was the only thing Sean was certain wouldn’t change, no matter how much he or Daniel evolved or fought.
“I love you. No matter what happens, you hear me?” Sean asks, pulling away from his brother to look him in the eye.
A swell of affection bubbled up in Daniel as he hugged his brother back. No matter what, that was for sure. Daniel had gone through hell and back since that day in Seattle, and so had Sean. Both were traumatized and beaten and brutalized several times beyond what they thought was possible to endure, but their love had stayed firmly intact. And it always would. Whether it be in the dark silence of the night or in the light chirrups of dawn, they had each other. Daniel then locks eyes with a gliding mourning dove, the gray winged creature swooping into its nest full of tiny bird babies in the crevice between two rocks. The dove had a home, a family. Despite there being no trees around to place its home upon, no stable foundation like most birds, it found a way to live and love anyhow. And for once, despite it all, Daniel saw that he and Sean could too.
“Yeah, I love you too.”