Chapter Text
“I mean, there’s no way we would work out. Genuinely, it’s a horrible idea. I’m in no state to make that kind of commitment,” Strike rambled, nearly tearing out her scalp as she slicked back her gel-drenched white hair, her reflection unsteady in her bathroom mirror.
“Uh-huh,” Mako replied, only half-listening as he glanced down at his phone. His nails clicked as he opened Crow’s messages, his feet dangling from the arm of the gray loveseat upon which he was sprawled.
“like what would i even do? i’ve never dated anyone before.
what the hell does dating even constitute?
she probably doesn’t even want me why the fuck am I acting like this
nobody in their right mind would want me wtf”
“Even I know better than to date military personnel. If I were him, I wouldn’t even be considering me. I’m way out of his league, anyway.” She tied up the last strands of her hair with a black ribbon as she migrated her breakdown to the living room where Mako was oh-so-comfortably sitting.
“ik she’s busy training. i wouldn’t want to get in the way of her goals n shit
she has actual life goals. idk wtf im even doing”
“He’s cute. He’s really fucking cute,” Strike muttered, “but it’s hopeless. I know better than to have hope about these kinds of things. I’m going insane, Mako, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Couldn’t tell you,” Mako absentmindedly said, eyes fixated on the bubbles on the screen in his hands.
“im tragic
mako i’m a walking tragedy
head over heels for this bitch who doesn’t even care about me
i need to get over her
i need to get over MYSELF i need to go outside more”
“He’s tragic!” Strike slammed her fist on the mahogany table beside him as she paced. “He’s the saddest wet dog of a human being I’ve ever fucking seen! Why am I so obsessive? Do I need to get my med dosage increased? Text Dad. Tell him to call my psychiatrist. This can’t be healthy.”
“I think you’re just a teenage girl with a crush. This is normal, Strike.” Mako blinked.
“but she’s so pretty :( and I’m going to choose to omit everything i want to say abt her for your mental health as her brother”
“I know this sounds so fucked-up to you, but every time I talk to him, I just feel—I don’t fucking know, warm? God!” Strike hissed. “I am not a warm fuzzy person. I don’t feel these things. When I talk to him, I feel normal. I feel like a normal person who might have a chance at stability and happiness someday. That’s so fucking corny. I don’t think things like this. I don’t know who this person speaking is, but it’s not me. I’m not this dumb.”
“but she’s so quiet. she rarely talks
she wouldn’t be able to stand my ass
i’m just weird. i’m too weird for her it wouldn’t make any sense
i feel like a fuckin pred for even saying this abt her she’d be so weirded out if she knew”
“Because I don’t have hope. I’m always going to be like this—I’m never going to change. That’s not possible for me. I’d break his heart into a million pieces if I gave him a chance. Normally, I’m fine with that, but Crow’s different. He’s a good guy. He’s way too good for me.”
“she deserves someone way better than me dude
idk why im working myself up like this. i couldn’t handle a relationship even if i tried”
“And I don’t know how relationships even work! I’m not girlfriend material. Seriously, imagine it. Me. Dating some guy. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t make sense.”
Mako turned off his phone. “Hey.”
“What?” Strike spat.
“You should talk to him.”
“About what?”
“He’s into you. You’re not risking anything.”
“No, he’s not,” she laughed. “You’re telling me that to shut me up.”
“I’ve been texting him this whole time. He’s crazy about you, man, I don’t see the issue.”
Strike’s face paled to match her highlights. “You told him what I’ve been saying?”
“No, no, no. I didn’t mention anything about you.”
“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Strike rapidly tapped her foot and angled her face to distract from the redness building across her neck. “Nope, fuck this shit. I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to do it.”
“To talk to a guy you like?”
“It’s different for you! You’re normal to some extent. People actively enjoy your presence for some reason. You don’t understand what it’s like to have everyone feel uncomfortable around you.”
“If it makes you feel any better—“
“What the hell is wrong with him?” she exclaimed. “Why does he see me like that? I’m not—damn it, I’m going to throw up. Fuck this shit. Fuck this.” Strike stoically anchored herself to the table, her wrists visibly shaking.
“Dude, are you good?” Mako whispered.
“Why did you tell me that?” she said, her voice taught and wavering. “I could have forgotten all about these fuckass emotions after this conversation, and I would have been fine. Now, I have to deal with the fact that I’ve stomped on this poor guy’s heart, and he’s going to hate me forever. The one time I meet someone who I think respects me as a person—the one fucking time.”
“But you like him, too, right? What’s the issue?”
“I do. But I can’t be with him.”
“Why not?”
“You don’t get it, Mako. You’ll never get it.”
“Just talk to him!”
“No!” Strike shouted, digging her fingernails into her temples. “That’s the last fucking thing I want to do.”
“You’re sabotaging yourself before anything even happens.”
“Yeah. Because I know exactly what’s going to happen if I try. And it’s not going to be pretty for either of us.” She disappeared into the bathroom yet again and kicked the door behind her shut. She shrilly screamed, kicking the door one final time before the house went silent.
Mako sighed and swiped on Crow’s notifications.
“Listen dude you’re just going to have to talk to her,” he typed. “She told me she’s into you but I don’t think she knows how to show that like a human being yet”
“you’re fucking with me
she doesn’t even know my name lmao”
“Yeah she does. You’ve talked how many times??? Just reach out to her. She’d be elated to hear from you”
“she’d tear me into pieces and kill me if I did that. im too corny to make the first move I can’t risk fumbling the bag”
“You’re not fumbling the bag I promise. She seems like a bitch but she’ll treat you with respect if you respect her”
“i barely respect myself man. how do you expect me to respect someone else like that?”
At that point, Mako had become numb to the incessant mentally unstable and self-deprecating comments made on both ends. In all honestly, it was the most obnoxious bullshit he had ever dealt with. He only had one option.
“Well she’s going to be gone tomorrow afternoon if you want to hang out and talk abt this,” he lied.
“alr cool I’ll come over”
“Strike!” Mako shouted, too lazy to pry himself off the loveseat.
“What?” she yelled, her voice muffled by the bathroom door.
“What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?”
“Nothing. Why do you care?”
“I’m going to be gone. Just wanted to make sure you’d be here in case Dad needs anything.”
“Why would he need anything from me?”
“He’s old. What if he slips down the stairs and breaks his hip or something?”
“He’s not that old. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“He’s geriatric in gay years.”
“Faggot.”
“Bitch.”
With that, Mako’s plan had been set into motion.