Chapter Text
Prologue
MISCELLANEOUS NUTS CHAT
BANANA-SPLIT: guys guiz! irs finakly haponinf!
JESSICA_JONES: gurl, what?
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: She just means that school is about to start, and she’s too excited to type coherently.
JESSICA_JONES: and ofc u would know that.
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: Ya
LILYOFTHEVALLEY: i THINK IT’S SWEET
JESSICA_JONES: lily, you have caps lock on again
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: Bahahahahaha!
LILYOFTHEVALLEY: > . <
BANANA-SPLIT: sokay we syill kobe u
JESSICA_JONES: wut
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: She said we still love you.
JESSICA_JONES: ah. i see
LILYOFTHEVALLEY: Thx
BANANA-SPLIT: shore thing! badump chink
JESSICA_JONES: uuugghhhh nooooo
BANANA-SPLIT: this year qill br inCRABable
JESSICA_JONES: END ME NOW
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: Pfftttt!! Hahahahaahahahaha
BANANA-SPLIT: dpnt lsugh. im SEArious
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: Eeghhh! Is ded
BANANA-SPLIT: we SHELL maje yhr year SANDsational
JESSICA_JONES: WHY are you able to spell teh puns correctly!?
BANANA-SPLIT: don lool at me, my hands r TIDE
JESSICA_JONES: no mas!
BANANA-SPLIT: rutroh guys, jess id gonna conFISHcate my phine
JESSICA_JONES: no but seriously, how!?
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: There’s no winning against her.
BANANA-SPLIT: tis tru. im not SEAHORSING around
JESSICA_JONES: ur killing me here. ¡basta antes que me rindes loca! si no me dejas en paz, te voy a bloquear. ¡dime un chiste mas y nunca escucharás de mi, te lo prometo!
BANANA-SPLIT: don’t u know is my sole PORPOISE to annoy you haha
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: She has a point. You know she does this every time. And threatening us in Spanish only works if we can understand it.
LILYOFTHEVALLEY: XD
JESSICA_JONES: SHUT UP!!!!
BANANA-SPLIT: oof. u musr be a sting-ray, cuz that STINGS
JESSICA_JONES: what is with these terrible puns anyway?
BANANA-SPLIT: cuz scjools starting soom
JESSICA_JONES: what does that have to do wiith anything?
BANANA-SPLIT: now im nor sayn that schiils FISHY or anything, buuuuuuut…
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: Pfft! Haha!
JESSICA_JONES: oy vey
LILYOFTHEVALLEY: XD XD XD cry
BANANA-SPLIT: but in all seriousness. its only a week away. r ya ready kids?
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: Aye aye, Captain!
BANANA-SPLIT: i cant hear uuuu!
TANJIRO_IS_PINNOCHIO: AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!!!!
BANANA-SPLIT: ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh!
…
Chapter 1
Out of all the ways that I thought I would be spending my Monday, it was not- well, I’ll just tell you. The first day of high school is supposed to be fun…. Er, well, it’s at least not supposed to feel like mine did.
Day one of high school, and they’d already decided to have an assembly. Everyone gathered in one gym, bright lights blaring, the noise and body heat mildly uncomfortable. The band members who had moved up to the next grade played for everyone, some enthusiastic, and some with expressions that said they would have liked to spend the rest of their summer not practicing for this. Same with the cheerleaders, though they were better at hiding it behind their plastered smiles. Everyone shouted and cheered, causing the bleachers to rumble beneath our feet.
The principal got up and walked to the podium to welcome the newcomers and encourage the not so new students. Everyone was getting squirmy, and some people were too busy staring at their phones to pay attention. He had just begun to close us out, and send us to our classes, when it happened.
A bang! echoed through the gym, and everyone froze. The principal looked down at his white polo, to see a red stain that wasn’t there moments before, but was now rapidly spreading. Then a scream. More. And soon the entire room erupted into chaos, everyone sprinting for the doors, pushing and trampling each other, the feral look of terror in their eyes more frightening than any kid with a gun could ever hope to be.
More gunshots, barely audible over the ruckus. Despite all the chaos, I sat there, glued to my seat. I tried desperately to look for the aggressor. And I saw him, standing with a crazed look in his eye. I rose from my seat before I even realized what I was doing. He was a couple of rows down and to the right of me, and he was too busy looking at the gym floor where the people were fleeing to, firing haphazardly into the crowd. I jumped over the seats before my brain caught up, heading toward him, like an idiot! I was so close too, just a couple of rows behind him, when the lights went out, and the screams got louder. The doors must've been barricaded, because despite the flood of people crashing toward them, they wouldn't budge.
I nearly tripped, but somehow caught myself. People blocked out whatever light would be shining from under the door, and the room was left pitch black. I paused, took a deep breath, and used the pandemonium to my advantage, carefully climbing over one more row of seats, leaving one between us so that I was right behind him.
Dang. I wish I could see right now.
At that moment the lights flashed on, as if in answer.
He stood in front of me, with his back to me, and I seized the opportunity to tackle him, grabbing him from behind and holding on to his arm to keep it out as I wrestled him down onto his stomach over one of the rows of seats. He tried to twist out from under me, but I held on, desperate to not let anyone else die. When shaking me off didn’t work, he tried to point his gun behind him at me, but I struggled to keep his arm straight. When I realized that he was stronger than me, I waited until the gun was close enough for me to reach, before I swung out in a panic, knocking the gun to the right, deflecting just enough that when it fired, it just grazed my shoulder and made my ears ring. I sprung forward, grabbing at the gun, and twisted to yank it out of his grasp. I got up and dashed away from him, pointing the gun down and to the side as I ran, fumbling as I tried to disarm it. I made it to the gym floor, and somehow managed to disassemble it, just as I was knocked to the ground, and the parts scattered into the crowd.
He sat on my back and I struggled underneath him. Crap. If only I were stronger. I wish he wasn’t so heavy! I kept struggling, when I felt him lighten the pressure on me, probably shifting his weight to get a better hold on me. Now’s my chance! And heck if I was gonna waste it.
I gratefully took advantage of the situation, and pushed myself up and out from under him, before I hopped on him again, grappling with him on the ground. I looked up trying to catch someone’s attention, and met a boy's eye.
“Help me!” I cried over the din, and he leapt into action, jumping on top of the guy too, helping me get him secured.
After what felt like way too long, the doors were opened, and people flooded out as fast as they could. The carnage left in their wake was devastating. People were lying on the ground, some moaning, bruised and bleeding, likely from being trampled. Others hobbled on twisted ankles, clutched their broken wrists or arms or legs. Others still, lied on the ground, eyes wide and empty as blood pooled around them.
My eyes didn’t linger for long on any of them, looking for three people in particular. And then, I saw them. Two of my closest friends together, Jessica hugging Lillian. I’m glad they found each other, even now. Once the school police arrived and took the shooter off the boy and I’s hands, I thanked the boy for his help, before turning in the direction that I saw my friends. I began to move towards them, scanning the crowd for my third and best friend, Hannah. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to rest until I saw that she was safe.
“Jess, Lily!” I called to the two, waving my hand over my head as I wove through the remainder of the crowd towards them. I’m sure the concern was written all over my face, but I didn’t bother to hide it as they turned to me.
And that… that was a weird look that Jess gave me. It was almost like….
Contempt. That’s what it was, no ifs, ands, or buts. She was glaring at me with complete and utter contempt. I really should have realized what it was at the time, and yet… I was just so oblivious.
Why?
“Jess?” I asked softly, growing even more concerned.
“Don’t you ‘Jess’ me,” she spat, venomously. “I don’t want to hear it from you.”
I froze in my tracks. “I – what? What do you mean?”
“Don’t think I didn’t see what you did! You knew exactly where the guy was! I saw you take that gun apart like you already knew how to!”
What reality was she watching?
“Jess, I had to find the guy first. I dunno at what point you saw me, but I was scanning the crowd up until I saw him. And as for the gun, you know I’m paranoid, so of course I’ve researched how to disarm one. Though, doing it isn’t the same as reading how to.”
“Yeah, likely story. You probably knew that he was going to attack today, but couldn’t act to stop him until he was already moving.”
“What? Are you hearing yourself right now!? Do you know how insane that sounds? If I knew that he was going to do that, I would have done everything in my power to stop him! As it stands, I don’t even know the guy’s name, so how was I supposed to know that he was going to do this?”
“That’s exactly what someone who knew him would say if they were trying to protect themselves!”
I stared at her, flabbergasted. She can’t be serious. Can she?
I met Lillian’s eyes. “Lily? You don’t really believe this, do you?”
She looked away, and turned her back to me. Jessica moved in front of her, arms out, as if to protect her. “Don’t you dare bring Lily into this! Don’t think I’ll let you get away with any of this!”
“Jess, why are you acting like this?” My stomach was churning, frustration, fear, hurt, betrayal, and anger all swirling together into nasty knots.
“Oh like you don’t know. I knew you were always jealous of her deep down, but to let this happen to her…. This is a whole new low for you.”
“What are you even talking about?” Confusion gripped my heart, and a fog seemed to be forming in my vision.
“Why don’t you take a look.” She harshly jerked her head to the side, and my eyes followed the gesture, until they fell on a mangled body, lying on the floor.
A gasp escaped past my lips before I could stop it, and bile rose in the back of my throat. No. No, no no no NO!
The next thing I knew, I stumbled forward, as my brain tried to process what my eyes were telling me was true. But despite the clear evidence, my heart wouldn’t accept it. My limbs felt numb and heavy, and it sounded like waves were crashing in my ears.
Not you. Anyone but you. As heartless as that thought was, I couldn’t help it. Not when sweet, innocent Hannah was lying on the ground, twisted and broken from being trampled, with a bullet hole in her forehead. Not when her eyes, usually so bright and cheerful, were wide, and blank, and clouded.
“No.” I whispered, before falling to my knees beside her, not caring that my jeans were being soaked in blood. “Hannah. Come on, Banana, wake up.” My voice was soft and trembling, as I reached a shaking hand out to gently caress her face. “Please. This isn’t funny. Please just wake up.” My mind slipped away from me, all reason out the window, tears streaming down my cheeks.
When she didn’t move, didn’t blink, didn’t breath, I gently grabbed her blood soaked hand and pulled it into my lap, staining my jeans further. I squeezed her hand, as it grew colder, and colder, sobbing uncontrollably.
One thought managed to invade my brain as I sat there, crying. My fault. It’s my fault. Jess is right. This is because of me. Because I was too slow, too lazy, too selfish, too, too, too. Not strong enough, not smart enough, not brave enough, not enough, not enough, not enough.
They say that when something occurs three times, you start to pay attention. So what of when your brain tells you these things, whether or not they’re true, over, and over, and over again? You start to pay attention. And so, I sank deeper and deeper into despair, mourning for all I’d lost, guilty for all I had left, worried for what was to come.
I was yanked back sharply, and it was all I could do to keep from shrieking. Did the shooter break free from School Security? Are Jess and Lily in danger? Are all the other students?
Did I not do enough?
These thoughts were mostly dispelled, when I turned to see who was viciously dragging me away from Hannah, going so far as to partially pull me by my hair, when I saw none other than Jessica.
“Jess, what–?”
“SHUT UP!” She screamed, face marred with fury. “Swine like you have no right to touch her!”
I froze. What?
“J-Jess… what are you…. What are you talking about? Swine? Why? What did I do?”
I suppose at that moment I had completely forgotten the conversation before. Thinking back on it, there were so many things that I was oblivious to, or maybe just ignored. Even before that day, there were signs of her deeper thoughts underneath that I never truly recognized. And yet, looking at everything now, it’s so glaringly obvious.
But back then, I didn’t know.
She let go of me, and I stood, watching her standing there, tense as all let out. I looked at her, really truly looked at her, and considered her countenance. She looked as if she was ready to attack me the instant I made a wrong move. Honestly, if her stance hadn’t given her thoughts away, her expression definitely should have. And yet, I stared at her, wondering, just what is going on in that head of hers?
I wish that I knew what she was thinking.
That’s when angry, scary thoughts flooded my brain.
Look at her, standing there all smug. She’s so happy that Hannah’s gone that she’s even wearing her blood like some kind of sick trophy! I’ve always hated her, how she clings to Hannah, Lily, and I like a blood sucking LEACH, but this makes my blood boil. She never could just sit still and be happy. She was always selfishly seeking more and more attention. I’m not surprised she would stoop this low to look like a hero. SHE KILLED HANNAH SO NOW I’LL KILL HER. I SWEAR I’LL KILL HER!
My stomach heaved, and I nearly lost my breakfast for the fiftieth time that morning. These thoughts aren’t mine. Are they Jess’s? No, I must be projecting! Ugh, it hurts! I just wish they’d stop!
Silence, sweet and blissful.
What is HAPPENING!?
“J-Jess?” I carefully reach a hand out, and she twitches, still standing at attention, somehow more tense than before, if that was even possible. “Jess, whatever I did, I’m sorry.”
Stars burst through my vision an instant later, and my head jerked to the side. The newly growing red welt on my cheek called my attention to her hand, held out, flat and facing the floor. I gingerly reached up and touched my stinging cheek.
Why?
“This is all your fault, you worthless coward! I swear, if I ever see your face again, I’m going to kill you!” The pure hatred in her eyes spelled it all for me.
So that’s what happened. My brain was telling me what I’ve been denying for years. I always suspected that she hated me. This was just the truth that I was avoiding.
I don’t remember how I got home after that, or the last time that I ate, though the sharp pains in my stomach tell me that it’s been a while. Every now and then I become vaguely aware of the time passing. The light from my window tells me that it’s morning, or at least that the sun is out. I glance at the clock.
Oh. It’s already 1:30. No wonder I’m so hungry. Did I even eat dinner last night?
“Mariko!” My mother calls from downstairs. “Come down and get some lunch! At this rate you’ll starve!”
Fine by me. Besides, I don’t feel like moving.
A few minutes pass. “Bug?” My mother again. Knowing her, she’s going to keep this up until nightfall, if that’s what it takes. Either that, or she’ll come up and drag me downstairs. Not really enjoying the idea of either, I grumble and roll out of bed. I groan as I stumble down the stairs, and into the combined kitchen and dining room.
“Hey my little zombie.” Mom says, and she tousles my hair.
“Yeah, yeah.” I take a seat at one of the black industrial stools at the island, elbows on the cool granite surface. My mom comes up behind me, and pokes my sides, with a quick bzzt sound, making me jump.
“Sit straight. You’ll hurt your back if you slouch.”
Kids have always commented on my posture because Mom trained me to sit straight. She must think that she’s better than us. I bet she sees us as peasants. She’s always so cold too. She must really be an Ice Princess. I guess it doesn’t help that I’ve always had a hard time making friends. I don’t mean to be cold, I’m just awkward. And to think that I’d experience one of those dumb anime clichés. Seriously, who actually calls someone Ice Princess?
“I’m sorry.”
Mom sighs, “Mari, I know you’ve been through a lot, but you can’t continue like this. You’ve closed yourself off again. You’re acting just like you did when…. Oh, nevermind. I want to help you, but I can’t do that if you don’t let me in. You hardly eat anymore, and you’ve sealed away your emotions again. Please just tell me what I can do to make this better.”
My mind settles on that “nevermind,” wondering what she’s talking about, but I brush it aside for now. I can always ask later. And anyway, I love her, I really do, but I don’t think there is anything she can do about this.
“It’s fine, Mom. I’ll be okay. It’s just… I just wish–”
“Mariko.” Her sharp voice makes me freeze. “You know the rule about wishing.”
“I-I know, but–”
“No buts. You KNOW the rule.”
I sigh again, not in the mood to argue about this. “No wishing, because wishing never got anybody anywhere. Only hard work and perseverance can change things.”
That’s right. I’ve seen the evidence to support this too. I’ve seen what people can do when they put in effort to make a difference. They can practically move mountains.
And no matter how much I wished for it, Hannah had never, and will never, be brought back to life.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I just don’t know what else to do.”
Her face softens, and she reaches out a hand to gently touch my cheek. “I know, and I’m sorry for being so hard on you. You’re going through a lot. I shouldn’t have snapped.”
I give her a soft smile. “It’s alright. We both should have responded differently.”
Mom gives a small chuckle. “You act far too wise for your age, you know that?”
I force a small smile to my lips. “I try.”
The silence that follows is suffocating, thick with guilt, apprehension, and unshared truths. Ones that I know would scare her, so I keep them to myself. She might know about my friends… er… ex-friends, but she doesn’t know about everything Jess said. Or what I did to stop the killer. As much as I hate avoiding it and lying, it would just needlessly worry her, and I’d like to avoid that if at all humanly possible.
“So… what’s for lunch?” I ask, to create some space for oxygen again.
Mom smiles. “Glad you asked! I made your grandma’s split pea soup!”
A real smile comes to my lips, though it’s small and a little sad, but I’m grateful. She knows how much I love it. It reminds me of simpler days when we went to Grandma’s for holidays and weekends. Her place became a second home to me. Something about it always filled me with nostalgia. Probably because I had been going there since before I can remember. Which isn't all that surprising when I really stop to think about it. My first vivid memory is from when I was seven. Before that, it’s all fuzzy or just completely black. Hannah… always told me that it was a trauma response, but I really don’t know how it could be with how wonderful my family is. Sure there are moments when I can’t stand them, but every family has that. And I know that they just love me and are trying to look out for me.
Mom dishes up a bowl of the steaming soup, and sets it in front of me. “Dig in,” she says with a knowing smile, as my stomach gurgles and we both laugh. Taking in the warm peppery smell of the soup, I pick up my spoon, and use it to cut a meatball into smaller chunks, before nabbing a chunk of potato. I take a bite, the food warming me up quickly. I smile softly at the bowl. One bite, and I’m flooded with memories. So many memories. Grandma humming in the kitchen over her massive crockpot, this same smell permeating the air throughout the whole house. Hannah making a grossed out face as I try to convince her to take a bite, promising it tastes better than it looks. Laughing as she stands after tasting the soup.
“Well?” I’d asked.
“I’m getting my own bowl,” she begrudgingly replied, pouting and turning away.
The laughter is only a hollow echo now.
“Is it good?” Mom asks, oblivious to my aching heart.
“Yeah.” My throat is tight, but I force the words out regardless. “It’s great Mom. Thanks for the food.”
“You can thank me by finishing the bowl. Make sure you pack up the rest once you and your brother are done eating. Thank God it’s only the weekend, but you can’t afford to miss any school. On Monday you’ll be going back, alright? I know Jessica and Lillian could use a friend right now, just as much as you.”
Right. School. I’d already skipped a whole week.
I don’t want to go. I don’t want to see them. And Jess may actually kill me.
“Alright.” I pause. Why does it seem like she’s trying to close up our conversation? “Are you going somewhere?”
She sighs. “Unfortunately I was called into work. I won’t be home until late, but I trust you.” She comes around the island and kisses my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Be ready for church. I’ll probably need you to drive us there.”
“Sure Mom.” I nod. She’s a nurse and gets called in at random hours. Just whenever they need her outside of her typical schedule. That’s the price you pay for being too good at your job, I guess. “Be safe.”
“Always!” She angles a smirk at me before rushing to the door. “Lock the door behind me!”
And then she’s gone, and the silence rings deafeningly. I don’t know if you know what that’s like. Silence so thoroughly quiet that all you can hear is the constant ring in your ear that you can usually ignore. But since all other noise is gone, the ringing becomes the loudest noise in existence, until you take a quick and deep breath to dispel the tension. That kind of silence.
I turn back to the food, appetite gone. I should do something with it.
So I stand and grab a tupperware container from the cabinet, empty the contents of my bowl into it, and toss the rest of the soup from the pot in as well. Knowing my brother Ian, he’s not even home. No point letting the food go bad then. I set the container in the fridge where I can find space, before trudging back up the stairs to my room.
The only thing I want right now is sleep.
But as I lay there, staring at the popcorn ceiling, finding shapes in the spots, another thought comes to mind. If I could be anywhere else right now, where would I wanna be?
I think about it for a moment. No place on this planet felt right. Not without Hannah there with me. We’d promised to see the world together. We would never get the chance now. Maybe if it were a fictional world. The wizarding world of Harry Potter might not be too bad if it weren’t for the war with He Who Shall Not Be Named. Maybe a related place, like Mashle. Though without magic I’m nowhere near helpful to them. Especially not with Mash being the ultimate power without magic. Maybe something like Horimiya, or Kimi ni Todoke. But I would want something more different from here than that. Something that would make it obvious that I wasn’t even in the same world. So maybe Demon Slayer? No, I’d die instantly. Sword Art Online? Same there. Maybe BOFURI if I had access to the gaming gear.
I pause, and chuckle. It’s been pretty clear from the start. I’m just stupidly blind. A place I’ve yearned for most of my life. A place that might be a little dangerous if I ended up in the wrong place, but the likelihood of that was pretty slim.
“I wish…” My voice comes out in a hesitant whisper. What? Am I afraid Mom will hear me, and reprimand me? Sighing, I roll onto my side, my eyelids getting heavy.
“I wish… that I could live in the world of My Hero Academia, and meet my favorite characters.” I murmur softly, before sinking into a deep sleep.