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Toshinori had managed, through some incredible twist of fate, to attract two beautiful pro-heroes as his partners. He worked, obviously, as the number one pro, so working with other heroes was often part of his job. He hadn’t planned on committing to a relationship with either of them, or at least…. Not both of them. Yet they’d all talked it over together after around the same time, they all started getting serious. And a polyamorous relationship was what resulted.
Specifically, he’d managed to land himself Eraserhead and Present Mic. They were all fairly busy, so despite there being two of them…. They didn’t have much time for him outside of a date or two every now and then.
Shota was more of a night-in kind of guy, more likely to just watch a movie on Toshinori’s couch with him. Or… fall asleep within the first five minutes. And because he hadn’t been dating that long, the number one hero didn’t feel comfortable snuggling up to him while he was asleep. So it often left him just sort of glancing over at him hopefully while he slept, which, admittedly, was adorable. If he wanted him awake, he could sit next to him while he graded papers. The most Toshinori got out of him, physical contact wise, was a kiss hello or goodbye. And even that was usually on the cheek.
Hizashi was more likely to take him out clubbing. Which was less fun for him since he didn’t drink. But despite all Hizashi’s confidence, he was an awkward mess when it came to the older man. So he needed the alcohol to take his guard down a little. Which worked fine, and Toshinori got a fun, flirtatious side of him. At least, until he had to pull him out of the club blackout drunk. Less fun. He always apologized with a bundle of flowers the next morning, but between that and his four jobs… again, no physical affection.
Toshinori had been trying not to let it get to him. After all, they were just busy. And he’d managed with little affection for the rest of his life. He really shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up that that would change. But he did. He pictured a life full of cuddles and kisses and affection and hugging (and felt pathetic for doing so) and now… rug ripped from underneath him. It was, admittedly, almost like being single. Which wasn’t too hard. It wasn’t like he needed a crazy amount of support, he was on the more independent side of things. Just also on the lonelier side. Somehow.
In fact, he couldn’t remember ever cuddling anyone since he was a very, very young child. And even that he didn’t have specific memories of. Sometimes this fact led him to sink into self-pity. He tried not to. It was just hard. Wasn’t it so sad? He did everything as well as he could, overachieved, could get whatever he wanted easily… but all he wanted was cuddles. And he had two boyfriends with no time to give it to him. Those were the thought patterns that had overtaken him recently, and he tried, he really did, to deny them his mind. Yet he’d noticed them taking over more and more. It made him feel pathetic. Like he shouldn’t look down on himself like that. His only reassurance that saved his self-esteem at all was the fact that he’d never act on those impulses…. Right?
-
He was waiting outside of UA in his true form, where he’d learned to go on weekdays because as Shota and Hizashi left, they’d often offer him a ride with them. They didn’t have time to drive to Toshinori’s house, but they’d drop him off as close as they could on their way to their shared home, and he’d get to chat on the way.
Sure enough, they walked by, and while Shota’s usual tired expression remained, Hizashi ran up to him in his (also usual) excited manner.
“Hey there! How ya doin’, beautiful? Wanna ride?”
Toshinori smiled. He did love his voice. “Yeah, I was hoping. I just walked here from the Hero Commission.”
Hizashi grinned and ruffled the older man’s hair. He gasped.
He freaking gasped.
Hizashi sort of laughed it off. “Someone’s excited to see us, huh?”
Not even a pet name? Seriously? No, come on. You’re being petty. He loves you, Toshinori thought.
“Yeah, just excited.”
“You seemed… surprised,” Shota comments.
“Just… not used to my hair being ruffled.”
“How’s that? You’ve got two boyfriends. I know I’m not crazy affectionate, but you’ve still got Zashi.”
Hizashi looks confused for a second. He’d figured… if he wasn’t affectionate with Toshinori, it was okay, because he was busy, but he still had Shota. Was he not…
“Babe…?” Hizashi starts.
“C-c’mon. It’s not a big deal,” he deflects, a little uncomfortable with where the conversation was going. “You guys are plenty affectionate. Just not usually ruffling my hair. Is all.”
They both knew it wasn’t true. Shota took a seat on the nearby park bench.
“Hon…. answer me. When’s the last time one of us- me, Hizashi- gave you physical affection?”
“Recently,” he smiles, though it’s fake and awkward on his gaunt face. “C’mon, get up. You and Hizashi have a patrol. You have to get home.”
“Sit down.” Shota commands firmly as Hizashi sits next to him.
“Can we at least talk in the car?” He asks softly.
“No.” Shota takes a sigh before asking again. “How long ago was ‘recently,’ love?”
He rests a hand on his boyfriend’s head, and the older man can’t help it. He jumps at how foreign it feels.
“Baby….” Hizashi mutters.
“It’s fine,” he grumbles, pushing Shota’s hand off of him. They choose now to care about giving him affection? A little too late.
He knows, though, that that’s not the real reason. At all. He’s scared. Scared of affection, of getting too used to a comfort that could end or that he might not deserve. He forgot, though, that Shota has no patience when it comes to things like this. The erasure hero activates his quirk, looking at him with an intimidating glare.
“Tell me. When was it?”
“It was…. Let me think…. Hizashi kissed me a couple days ago when I got him a blanket.”
Shota deactivates his quirk, and looks at him with a sigh. Hizashi speaks up. “Anything more than a kiss? When was that?”
“I don’t… remember,” He answers honestly after a short pause.
Shota sighs again. There’s none of the pity or panic in his eyes that he’d imagined when Toshinori had thought of this situation. Nothing that says, my poor boyfriend. I need to take care of him.
“Why?” is all he asks. “Uh…. you guys are all very busy… and you know I don’t really like touch anyways….”
“I guess…. If you insist,” he sighs.
Part of Toshinori wishes that Shota had persisted. That he’d forced him into a cuddle puddle with all three of them, that he’d declared he and Hizashi would be calling out sick to take care of him together, that they’d doted on him and overloaded him with affection. But that didn’t happen, and he knew it wouldn’t. Not unless he got over himself and communicated with them. But how does one communicate something that… needy? It’s pathetic. And besides, they’d tried to offer. He turned them down. He had nobody to blame for his situation besides himself.
He sighed, hating the fact that, as his boyfriends waved as they walked out the door of their apartment, which they’d brought him back to, he was fighting back tears. He just wanted affection. That was it. But he’d turned it down when he had the opportunity. It was perfect. He could have told them everything. But at this point, he was too attached to the problem.
He trudged into their bedroom, laying down in the bed he’d spent far too few nights in. He pulled a throw blanket over himself, realized it wasn’t enough, and then followed up with hugging a pillow to his chest. It felt noticeably good, like he could feel the release of whatever happy chemical this triggered within his body. A pillow triggered that. A goddamn pillow, when he had two boyfriends. How was this possible? He buried his face into the pillow and tried to fall asleep.
All these dramatics, over something like this. It was stupid. He just… he just wanted to cuddle. But he couldn’t stop getting in his own goddamn way. Just ask them if he wants more affection. That’s all he has to do. So simple, but he can’t. Because he seems to like problems more than solutions. Why? Do they make him feel like he actually has something to face? Like he’s stronger somehow? All he is is weak. Hiding from the people who are supposed to be closest to him. He’s clearly….
It hits him. Behaving like this? It’s immature. He is clearly not ready for a relationship. And everyone involved would be better off if it ended. But… if he told them this, he’d end up guilt-tripping or manipulating them…. Into staying, into giving him what he wants. If he wants it, he should ask for it outright. Don’t do that to them. No, he has to stay, not run away from his problems, and suck it up and be the best partner he could be for them.
God, why did he have to be so terrible at communication? He just needed touch, comfort, attention. All the attention he got from the media and fans felt so superficial. They loved All Might. Not Toshinori. And all he had to do was ask. He’d never been good at communicating his own needs. Clearly that hadn’t changed in recent times. He couldn’t stop holding onto the pillow, couldn’t help himself no matter how pathetic he felt. Until he heard footsteps.
No… they’re home…. He tried to make himself let go, but it was no use. Shota walked into the room, Hizashi likely having gone to the bathroom to wash his hair. It wasn’t that Shota had gone looking for him, it was more that he usually stopped by his bedroom first thing when he got home. And he had no time to hide, and walking out would only result in his boyfriend seeing the desperation on his face. In some desperate attempt to hide it he turned over before Shota walked in, trying to pass himself off as napping. He walked in and seemed to inspect his boyfriend, and noticed his breathing was too unsteady to be asleep. Figures.
“Hey, love,” he greets in his rough, monotone voice. “Everything okay?”
Toshinori can’t respond verbally. He’ll hear the shake in his voice and know exactly what’s happening. Though how long exactly can he hide this for? He eventually just nods.
Shota is not fooled. He takes a seat next to the number one pro on the bed.
“You know, you’re being really difficult.”
He doesn’t reply.
“It’s been a long day. I’m not going to fight to support you. I know you’re upset, I can see it in your face. So tell me what’s wrong, or don’t. I’m not fighting for this,” he sighs.
“It’s nothing,” Toshinori mumbles.
“I’m not an idiot. I know it isn’t. But like I said, I’m not going to fight you when you’re being like this. So I’m going to go take a shower with Hizashi, and I’ll see you later. You’re welcome to talk to me then, if you like.”
With that he gets up and leaves.
Toshinori buries his face further into the pillow, he knows Shota’s reaction was reasonable, that he’s being immature and stubborn by wanting him to chase him. And that’s the part that hurts. He wanted him to be pushy, wanted that sign that he cares. But he is in no way obligated to do anything more than what he’s doing. Nor should he have to fight for his own boyfriend to communicate with him. Especially over something so small. He really should be alone, before he does anything more that he regrets. Maybe clearing his head would do him some good.
He gets up and walks out of the house, noticing it’s already dark out. It’s been longer than he’d thought. He starts to take a walk as he slowly manages to calm down just a little bit. He decides to check his phone to see if anyone’s contacted him, but realizes it’s not in his pocket, meaning he left it at Shota and Hizashi’s place. He sighs, they might be worried. It is late, after all, and they would have left the shower to find him gone. He should probably head back. He’s pretty fed up with his own little tantrum, and all emotioned out for the day.
-
As he's on his way back, he sees Shota and Hizashi run up to him frantically. Hizashi is the first to speak.
“Babe, there you are!” He says. “What gives, why’d you leave? Did you have any idea how worried we were? Shota said-” he stops to catch his breath. “He said that you were upset, and that you wouldn’t tell him what was wrong, and then you were just gone, and we searched the entire house, and we called you, and we called Tsukauchi, we checked the Hero Commission, and you didn’t pick up and Tsukauchi said you weren’t with him-”
“Honey, calm down,” Shota says, placing a hand on Hizashi’s shoulder.
“I-” Toshinori starts, not really sure. Why was he so against letting them in? What was wrong with him?
“I needed to clear my head, honest. I was just…. I was being immature. Sorry.”
Shota sighs impatiently. “You and I both know that’s in no way a sufficient explanation. So explain what’s actually wrong, communicate for once, or- Hizashi and talked it over, and well- this is an ultimatum. Communicate or we’re done.”
Toshinori freezes, feeling his heart skip a beat. He had never expected this, not in a million years. “Please, I- just be patient with me, I prefer to do emotions on my own, I- we can still make it work, I don’t need to-”
“Yes, you do need to. I’ve lost my patience. Last chance, what’s it gonna be?”
He can’t stop the blood from spurting out of his mouth. This felt harsh, too harsh. Hizashi apparently agreed, turning to Shota with a whisper.
“Sho, I think you’re being a little too rash. What if something really bad happened?”
Toshinori sighed. “No. He’s right, Zashi. I’m just… Not handling this like an adult. So I’ll tell you what’s going on. I got upset over a small thing, but I didn’t tell anyone. And I let it keep bothering me and snowball until it felt too late to say anything. And it started to hurt, but because I’m so used to keeping everything inside, I didn’t say anything because that’s… I don’t know. It’s against the rules I have for the number one pro, I guess. I know I suck at communicating. It just never felt like the right time. That’s all.”
Shota pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay. And what would this ‘small thing’ be? What has you this upset?”
“I don’t- I-” He trips over his words. “I just- forgive me, I-”
He’s terrified. He doesn’t want to say, he’s frozen, but he has to, or they’ll stop loving him.
Suddenly, all reasonable thought is gone. He’s left frozen with one thought: This situation is the last place he wants to be. So fight or flight kicks in. And he inevitably chooses flight like the coward he apparently is. So much for being All Might.
-
He finds himself on a park bench. He must have run there. It’s pitch black now. He doesn’t know where Shota or Hizashi is, and he hates himself for doing this to them. To himself, and to their relationship. All because he wanted affection and couldn’t grow up enough to ask for it. How pathetic. He lies down, staring up at the stars. Slowly, he feels them take him to sleep.
-
He wakes up warm and safe, and it feels strange. It takes him a minute to remember why that is. He’s wrapped up in a blanket, and as he opens his eyes, he realizes he’s on the couch of Shota and Hizashi’s house. He figures they didn’t know if he’d be okay in the bed or not.
He sits up and looks around. Hizashi’s likely in the other room, but Shota’s standing by the window. He notices the older man wake up and slowly walks over and sits down on the arm of the couch. They both stare downwards, in silence for a second before Toshinori talks, the most burning question on his mind.
“Are you… are you breaking up with me?”
The way Shota looks at him is so confused and taken aback that Toshinori almost forgets he’d threatened to do just that last night.
“No! I-” He sighs. “Love. I am so, so, sorry.” “It’s fine-”
“No. Let me explain. I thought if I scared you, maybe you’d open up. But I only made it worse. I thought you needed tough love, but I only terrified you. I mean, what kind of boyfriend sees his partner upset and doesn’t offer compassion? And you fell asleep on a park bench instead of in my arms. I’m so sorry. You needed me to be gentle, to be patient. And I wasn’t. I was harsh and cold. I thought it would help you, but you weren’t ready. I know communication isn’t your strong suit. Honestly, it isn’t mine either, but you? You’re terrified of it. It was wrong of me to force you to face that fear.”
Toshinori stares at him in shock for a second before he continues. “Did you ever… have a bad experience with vulnerability in the past? That caused this fear?”
“No. I just never… never needed it until I was too old to learn how.”
“You’re never too old to learn how.”
“I know that now. I just….”
“You don’t need to explain yourself. If you…. If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?”
A hug. The thought immediately came to him, a desperate plea from inside his brain. But his sense of pride wouldn’t allow it to go any further than that.
“I can’t tell you that,” he mumbles, knowing it’s stupid, but he just can’t do anything about it.
“Okay.”
Shota’s response surprises him. ‘Okay?’ How is that okay? He needed him to communicate, didn’t he? And now he’s not, and that’s okay?
The two of them sit in silence for a second, before he speaks again.
“Love? I’m gonna ask a question. Try to be honest, okay?”
He nods, swallowing. “Do Hizashi and I neglect you?”
The question catches him off guard, but he tries his best to answer honestly.
“I wouldn’t call it neglect.” It’s not a real answer, but it’s the best he can manage.
“So…. you do want more attention than you’re getting?”
“I guess…. I guess I do,” he mumbles. It feels like there’s something wrong with him. He is the top pro hero in Japan. He gets more attention than anyone else in the country. How could he possibly want more? But… no. It’s different. Toshinori wants attention. Not All Might.
Shota sighs.
“Can I hug you?”
“No.” The stubborn answer leaves his mouth before he can think. Why? Why is he doing this to himself?
“That’s too bad. I was really scared, you know. See, thing is, my boyfriend ran off last night. He’s really cute and he deserves better than what I’m giving him. But I was so worried about him. I could really use a hug to deal with these feelings.”
“You’re sappy.”
“Is it working?”
“I just…. I don’t know. I guess I’m more attached to the problem than I am to finding a solution. The hurt feels bad but it’s familiar.”
Shota sighs. “That’s your brain playing tricks on you. If you’re this touch-starved, let me help you. Please. Just… I don’t care how you think you sound. Ask for whatever you want. Just say it, you’ll feel better.”
“I want…. I want you. And Hizashi, all at once, a big cuddle puddle,” he feels his face go red with embarrassment but Shota’s right. It feels a little lighter now that he’s giving it a voice. “I want to be held and comforted, to be patted on the head, kissed all over, and to trust. I want to let myself fall and let you guys catch me.”
Shota sits in stunned silence for a second, looking at him with what can only be described as yearning. Yearning to give him what he wants, to hold him just how he asked. Just then, Hizashi steps out from the doorway. “Sorry. I’ve been listening for a while, but didn’t want to overwhelm you. You’re getting that cuddle puddle, babe.”
Toshinori follows him and Shota as they each take one of his hands and lead him to the bedroom.
“W-wait, I-”
“No protesting, love,” Hizashi says, giving his hand a squeeze. “We’re so sorry for not giving you the affection you deserve. So now it’s time to fix it.”
Toshinori is completely helpless as his boyfriends pull him onto the bed. He’s deposited in Shota’s arms as Hizashi rummages through their closet. He pulls out a blanket, a soft one he knows the older man is fond of, and wraps it over him and Shota.
He’s trying not to spurt blood. He’s in shock, the warmth of Aizawa beneath him feels so amazingly good. He buries his face into the erasure hero’s chest, hoping it doesn’t end up bloody in a few moments.
“Now, now, Shota,” Hizashi starts with a smirk. “I thought we talked about sharing. Are you really going to hog this cutie all to yourself?”
“Be my guest, then. I think… we should spoon him.”
There was a shuffling of limbs, Hizashi laid down at some point, and Toshinori was gently pulled around until he was sandwiched between his two boyfriends, his arm over Shota, who was pressed to the older man’s stomach, and Hizashi pulling himself close from behind. Shota reached towards the forgotten blanket and pulled it over them, and Toshinori felt a warmth encapsulate him from all sides. His face was tucked into Shota’s neck, stomach pressed against him. Hizashi’s arm rested over him, as well as the blanket, and his back was effectively warmed by the blonde. Toshinori felt his heart racing, the affection felt so foreign but so spectacular. After a few moments, he managed to calm down, feeling remnants of tension seep from his body as he relaxed into Shota.
The voice hero started to softly comb his hand through Toshinori’s hair, effectively petting him. In response to the gesture, he happily leaned in, wrapping his arm more securely around Shota as he smiled. A soft, genuine smile. Not in any way an All Might smile.
Shota turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.
“That’s for being so damn cute.”
Toshi laughed in surprise, a reaction he far preferred over spitting blood. He must’ve been far too relaxed for that. He noticed the neediness in his chest was completely gone. Looking back on his past actions, he felt a burst of shame.
“I’m sorry for being so irrational about this.”
“Hey, it’s alright!” Hizashi said, giving his hair a particularly energetic ruffle. “You had a little bit of a mental breakdown. That’s okay.”
Shota scoffs at his casual tone, but doesn’t disagree with him. “Yeah, we understand. You aren’t used to physical affection and vulnerability. I mean, you’re All Might after all.”
“Thanks. I really couldn’t ask for better partners.”
Shota’s about to protest, but realizes it’s really not the time. Toshinori doesn’t need him to self-deprecate right now. He needs him to help. He reaches his hand to caress his boyfriend’s (admittedly sharp) cheek as it’s pressed into his neck. His warm breath there tickles a little bit but ultimately just feels good.
Shota decides to turn over, so he’s facing Toshinori, who is now truly sandwiched. He pulls away just enough to pepper little kisses all over his boyfriend’s face: on his forehead, cheeks, the tip of his nose, and finally on his lips, before resting his chin back on his shoulder.
“Shota….” The older man breathes in shock.
“I’ll do it again,” Shota threatens, a smirk on his face.
Toshinori quickly turns over, facing Hizashi instead, a grave mistake. He only finds his face attacked once again, Hizashi a whole lot faster and more aggressive about it.
It tickles a little, and he finds himself laughing and trying to pull away. Shota, the other evil mastermind, doesn’t let him, holding his head closer to Hizashi to give him better access. Hizashi slows down once he reaches his boyfriend’s jaw and neck, massaging them with his mouth, gently and softly.
Toshinori’s face is bright red at this point. This is way, way more affection than he ever imagined.
“You two are so much better at this than pillows are,” he comments.
Hizashi smiles against his neck. “I expect to be a permanent replacement. If not, your pillows will be confiscated. I’m afraid you don’t have a choice one way or the other.”
“Ugh…”
“Well, too bad,” Shota chimes in. “If you want a hug, you’ll have to come and ask us.”
“What if you’re teaching or something?”
“You think I give a shit? My kids already think I’m weird.”
Toshinori laughs. “You’d never actually hug me in front of them.”
“No, probably not,” he admits. “But just call me out of the classroom for a minute. It would certainly qualify as an urgent matter.”
Toshinori gives another soft smile to that, while Hizashi finishes kissing his neck. He weaves his hand back into his boyfriend’s hair, massaging his scalp. Shota’s arms are around him, lightly squeezing affectionately every now and then. And it’s like this that the three men fall asleep, slowly drifting off in a quiet peace.
-
When Toshinori wakes up, he’s bundled in a blanket in bed, buried in someone’s chest. It’s Shota’s, he realizes, as he recognizes the scent. He tries to be still, in case he’s not awake. That doesn’t end up being necessary, as Shota feels him stir.
“Hey there, love. Hizashi’s making breakfast.”
“It’s a school day. What time is it?”
“No, it’s not. You’re very sick, and Hizashi and I need to take care of you.”
Toshinori pauses, doing a quick check in. He doesn’t feel sick, and says so, to which Shota glares at him.
“Yes, you are. You don’t have a cold or anything, but a much worse illness. And the only cure… is cuddles.” He groans upon finishing saying it, almost as if he didn’t want to. Toshinori quickly figures out why, as Hizashi pops out from behind the doorway giggling.
“I was told I wouldn’t get pancakes if I didn’t say that,” Shota grumbles.
“You guys called us out of work?” Toshinori asks in surprise, unable to process humor through his shock.
“Nezu was actually very understanding,” Hizashi grins.
“We only got our lives threatened once. And it seemed like it might’ve been a joke,” Shota adds.
“You need a mental health day, and we need to take care of you.” Hizashi ruffles his hair, a sensation that Toshinori decides he will never get tired of. “Now c’mon, pancakes are done!”
He starts to stand up, but is quickly stopped by Shota. “Nope. Do you know how hard it was to bundle you in this blanket without waking you up? You’re getting carried.”
“That’s not necessary-”
“It would be illogical to waste hard work like that.”
And that’s that. When Shota decides he wants something, he gets it, and that is how Toshinori ends up getting carried to the kitchen looking like a cocoon.
“Y’know,” Hizashi comments as Shota sets Toshinori down in a chair. “You look just like Sho when he’s in his sleeping bag.”
“So… adorable?” Toshinori grins, feeling a light elbow to the ribs from Shota. “What, you don’t think I’m cute?”
“N-no!” Shota stammers. “You’re cute, I’m the one who’s not-”
“Boys, boys!” Hizashi calls, bringing over a plate of pancakes. “Enough bickering. Do I need to separate you two? You are both incredibly adorable. No need to fight.”
Their potential embarrassment at Hizashi’s condescending joke is completely erased by the pancakes placed in front of them. Yep, Toshinori thought. This was going to be a good day.