Work Text:
It was surprisingly easy for Kanade to heave the bag of trash over the lip of the can and close the lid. Sure, it'd been mostly full of empty ramen containers and crumpled pieces of paper and plastic, so it wasn’t very heavy, but it still filled her with a sense of accomplishment. Even after a few hours of more physical labor than she was accustomed to, Kanade walked back through the front door feeling rejuvenated and ready to continue.
A pleasant smell greeted her from the kitchen as she entered. Honami was preparing lunch at the stove—a rich curry that smelled sweetly of apples—and she called out to Kanade as she passed.
“The food will be ready soon, about fifteen minutes or so. Can you let Mafuyu know?”
“Ah, yes,” Kanade replied. “I appreciate you doing this, Mochizuki-san. I can’t thank you enough.”
“It’s no problem, really. I’m happy to see the two of you working so hard.” Honami pulled the ladle from the pot and cautiously dipped her finger into the thick glob of curry to taste it. “This should help you keep up your energy. Though I think it might need a bit more garlic…” she muttered to herself, turning her attention back to the stove.
Kanade was happy to leave Honami to her devices and headed down the hall. It had been Mafuyu’s idea to participate in spring cleaning this year, and though Kanade had not been initially excited at the idea, she was eager to support whatever Mafuyu wanted to do. After all, it was rare for her to take the initiative like this. If cleaning up Kanade’s train wreck of a bedroom was what she wanted, Kanade was happy to oblige.
While she’d left to take out the trash, Mafuyu had continued sorting through the mess of papers crammed into boxes on the bookshelf above Kanade’s desk. It was mostly music scores, though there were a handful of other papers thrown in: old school assignments, grocery lists and receipts, and even a box of old business records from when the room had been her dad’s study. There was no obvious organization to most of the contents, so they’d resorted to sorting through them one by one.
Kanade wasn’t particularly worried about Mafuyu seeing anything she’d stashed away in there, though she was cognizant of some of the more embarrassing contents. Chief among these were her handful of attempts at writing song lyrics, many of which directly concerned Mafuyu herself. She’d never thought herself any good at it, though whenever Mafuyu was struggling—whether it be simply writer’s block or her home situation threatening her ability to work for the group—Kanade found herself giving it another shot. Kanade thought that if she could produce sufficient results to fill in for Mafuyu, then she might be able to ease the pressure on her, even if only a little. Unfortunately, her attempts had been futile, and Kanade silently hoped she could locate and discard the remnants without Mafuyu being any the wiser.
She would not be so lucky. As she entered the room again, Mafuyu was looking over a sheet of lined paper with an unreadable expression. When Kanade approached to see what had grabbed her attention, she immediately recognized the title at the top of the page. Her face flushed a bright pink. Of all the ones for Mafuyu to find…
Mafuyu glanced up at her. “Did you write this?”
“Um, yeah,” Kanade admitted sheepishly. She shifted awkwardly from side to side, waiting for some kind of reaction; when none came, she began to explain herself, desperate to fill the silence. “It was back when we first encountered SEKAI, and it seemed like you were going to, uh, disappear. And I didn’t want you to, so I was trying to come up with something that would save you, and…”
Kanade trailed off, unsure of what else to say, and gestured to the sheet of paper. Though the work was years old at this point and she’d already written it off as a failure, she was unexpectedly anxious to know what Mafuyu thought. Kanade watched her staring at the words, her eyes slowly scrolling across and down the page, reading the text line by line by line. Did Mafuyu think it was any good? Or maybe she was taken aback by how awful it was? Kanade was dying to know.
When Mafuyu finished, she simply folded the paper and set it to the side, then continued to sort through the pile in front of her.
Kanade blinked, and then she let out a short cough, unsure of whether she should ask about it. It would bug her for the rest of the day if she didn’t, she decided, and sat down to join Mafuyu on the floor.
“So, uh… what did you think?”
She hoped her tone came across as more nonchalant than the embarrassed squeak she heard coming out of her mouth.
Mafuyu turned to look at her with those large, unblinking eyes, and a momentary silence passed between them. Kanade was just about to chicken out and take back the question when Mafuyu finally answered, “They were interesting.”
“Interesting,” Kanade repeated. That hadn’t really been the answer she was looking for, though she probably should’ve expected as much. Even if Mafuyu was too polite to tell her how bad they were to her face, of course she would still be thinking it. A fresh wave of embarrassment came over her, and she turned her head down to the floor.
To her surprise, Mafuyu continued. “At that time, I was in a very dark place. My eyes could see nothing further than my own struggle as it consumed me. I would never have been able to accept these words.”
She pointed at a spot on the page, and Kanade recognized the words sprawled in her own desperate handwriting: I need you to stay. I need you here. The lyrics were filled with phrases like that. She hadn’t been thinking straight when she wrote this, so the lines had come out crude and direct, an unprocessed product of Kanade’s emotions. Though it made her cringe, it was also difficult for Kanade to deny those feelings. They still rang true, even now. She needed Mafuyu to stay. She needed Mafuyu here.
“Reading them now, I’m happy you felt this way.” Mafuyu’s lips curled into a partial smile, though there was a sadness in her eyes that sent a pang through Kanade’s heart. “I wish I could have understood that at the time. Still, I’m glad you wrote this.”
Kanade swallowed thickly. “I knew when I first wrote this that I wouldn’t be able to present it to you. What you needed wasn’t me spouting my selfish desires. Even now, I feel nervous about you seeing these thoughts, but… I’m glad you’ve gotten to a point that you can accept them.”
Mafuyu looked like she was about to say something else, but before she could, there was a gentle knock on the door. Honami nudged it open and peeked inside, curry-covered ladle still in hand. “Lunch is ready. Be sure to wash your hands before you sit down.”
“Thank you, Mochizuki-san. We’ll be right out.”
Mafuyu stood and brushed the dust from her knees before heading towards the hallway. Kanade began to follow, but Mafuyu paused in the doorway and turned to her. Those piercing eyes bored into her again, as if they were trying to peer inside her head.
“I’d like to see more of your lyrics,” Mafuyu said carefully. Then she continued to the kitchen, leaving Kanade standing there with nothing but a small glimmer of pride and then sweet scent of apples in the air.