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Chapter Text

Thomas Lawrence looked at the products laid out around him in the store, and sighed. He had no idea what was required to make the dish Vincent had described in such rapt detail at dinner last night. And this store, which he passed every day on his walk to and from his apartment to the Vatican, specialized in Spanish food, not Mexican. While the two cultures shared much in common, there was no guarantee that the things Vincent needed to cook his dish were available here.

Thomas looked around the store one more time, and sighed again. He should talk to Vincent, have him write up a list of things he needed. Maybe this store had a website Vincent could browse online? Looking toward the counter, he noticed a stack of store information cards. He was reaching to pick one up, when the store door opened and two nuns walked in. He immediately recognized the habit of the Daughters of Charity of St Vincent de Paul. In fact, the shorter nun --

Sr. Agnes looked at him with an air of guarded surprise. "Your Eminence," she greeted him.

"Sister. Good Afternoon," Thomas responded. He felt like a schoolboy getting found where he had no business to be. "I just, that is, you know how the Holy Father was talking last night about how he wished he could cook --"

"Yes, he was much taken with the idea," Sr. Agnes nodded. "So, this sister, who is also from Mexico, from the same province as the Holy Father, in fact, has come to do the shopping." She indicated the other nun, who had already picked up a basket and was inspecting the shelves. "Do you see what you need, Sister?"

The second nun was tall, slender, brown skinned. Her face was obscured by large purple-tinged sunglasses she hadn't taken off when she had walked into the store. She deftly handled the various jars and bottles of spices and sauces, apparently intent on finding the right ones.

"Oh, I think this will do nicely," said Vincent. "Just give me a few minutes, yes?"

Thomas felt his jaw drop open in surprise. He stared at Vincent, who looked prim and proper, his hair mostly hidden under the veil, but a few loose strands escaping to curl around his face. The dark blue veil framing his face, the nun's habit, designed for inconspicuous modesty -- they seemed to enhance Vincent's inner radiance, even more so than the papal whites.

If people saw him like this, Thomas found himself thinking, there will be even more frenzy over him than there already is.

Vincent floated over to Thomas, and smiled gently. "Why don't you wait for us at the cafe next door?" he said. "You standing in the middle of the store will attract attention."

Sr. Agnes and Vincent emerged from the store with several full bags, and came straight over to the table outside the cafe, where Thomas was sipping his coffee. Sr. Agnes gestured for Vincent to take a seat, but she herself remained standing, sorting out the things that needed to be refrigerated into one bundle.

"You should enjoy your afternoon out, Sister," she said to Vincent. "I'll take this back and tell everyone they need not look for you, you are with Cardinal Lawrence."

"Are you sure that'll be okay, Sister?" Vincent asked. "I had just meant to do shopping and go straight back."

"We did clear your schedule for the afternoon," Sr. Agnes replied. "Just get back in time for dinner, please."

"Thank you, Sister," Vincent said very solemnly. "I really appreciate this."

"Just don't get too used to this, Sister." Sr. Agnes picked up her bag. "Your Eminence." She gave them each a stern glance, then left.

A waiter approached their table, and Vincent ordered a cappuccino. Thomas waited until he was sure the waiter was out of ear shot, then blurted out the question that had been burning in his mind. "However did you get her to agree to this???"

"She told me about this store, and offered to come buy what I needed. I attempted to describe what I wanted, but we were getting nowhere. So I asked if she could possibly find a nun's habit that fit me."

"But... a nun?"

"I did consider just wearing civilian clothing. But really, no one looks twice at a nun. It seemed the better option."

Thomas grimaced. Much as he hated to admit it, there was a lot of truth to this. Nobody thought twice about two nuns shopping. As Vincent had pointed out earlier, a Cardinal in a store was much more conspicuous, even when he was wearing his simplest cassock. But still...

"Does it feel a lot different? The habit?"

"The veil takes a bit of getting used to," Vincent admitted. "And the skirt moves a bit differently than a cassock. But overall, it's not much of a change. I feel I could live like this. Now that..." he nodded at a passing woman, dressed in flowing pants and dressy blouse. "That, I don't think I could pull off."

"Oh god," Thomas groaned. "I did not need that image!"

Vincent laughed. The waiter arrived with the cappuccino, Vincent marveled at the design drawn on the foamed milk, and was soon listening with rapt attention as the waiter expounded on various nuances of latte art.

Aldo Bellini frowned. He blinked. He squinted. The scene before him stayed the same.

That was Thomas Lawrence, sitting at an outside table of a cafe, with a nun. A nun he couldn't recall seeing before -- her habit was that of the Daughters of Charity of St Vincent de Paul, same as Sr. Agnes, and while he couldn't get a good look at her face, due to the sunglasses she was wearing, he was sure he didn't know any Sister from that order with quite that striking bearing and that skin tone.

Now, a Cardinal talking with a nun, even having coffee together, that wasn't odd. That happened often enough at the Vatican. What was odd was the way they were sitting together, close, side by side, almost touching. How the nun leaned in toward Thomas, whispering, and Thomas looked at her in rapt attention, almost adoringly. How the two of them almost fell into each other, laughing.

In all the years Aldo had known Thomas, he'd never, ever seen him act with a woman like that, much less a nun!

Aldo shifted uneasily on his feet, not sure what to do. If he kept walking, he would come into their line of sight, and Thomas would almost certainly notice him. Maybe he should just turn around, take the long way to his office? But then the nun looked his way. Even though he didn't know her, she seemed to recognize him, because she nudged Thomas and pointed him out.

And Thomas turned toward him, saw him, turned back to the nun, who shrugged. Thomas then turned fully toward Aldo, and waved him over.

"Aldo!" Thomas called out as Aldo approached. "Going back to your office?"

"Yes, I was hoping to get a moment with the Holy Father. I..."

"Is it something we can talk about here?" asked Vincent.

Aldo felt his jaw drop open.

Chapter Text

Roberto stood at his position outside the Casa Santa Marta, watching the road leading out of the complex to the streets, when his earpiece crackled to life.

Sister V on the move. Follow at discreet distance. We'll be sending someone to take over your position.

He barely had time to acknowledge the instructions before said Sister appeared, walking demurely down the street and nodding a gentle greeting as she passed. Waiting until she cleared the archway and turned the corner toward St. Peter's Square, Roberto set off.

Matching her pace was tricky. She moved faster than you would think -- watching her move made you feel calm and serene, yet you had to move at a brisk pace to keep up with her. His dark business suit, standard getup of security personnel everywhere, left him pretty conspicuous in St. Peter's Square and the streets of Rome, mostly full of tourists in casual clothing and nuns and clergy in their clerical garb. Sister V blended in perfectly, but Roberto stuck out like a sore thumb.

If these outings were more regular, or the Pope deigned to give them enough advance notice, they could have a guard dress up as a tourist or a seminarian. But no, it was always spur of the moment, completely unpredictable.

He didn't mind, not really. He could appreciate that having the world always watching your every move was wearying, and seeing the Pope interact with people as just another nun was a delight. Like just now, she -- Roberto couldn't think of the Pope as a "he" when she was Sister V -- she had been stopped by a family of tourists asking for directions, and was now holding a phone handed over by one of the family and carefully directing them to stand just so while she snapped a photo.

Roberto wondered how the family might react if they ever realized that this snapshot had been taken by the Pope. Would they regret that they missed an opportunity to -- oh dear, the owner of the phone had taken it back, and was now insisting that Sister V get in a picture with the rest of the family. While the large sunglasses did obscure the Pope's face, what if someone took a closer look?

Just then, Sister V noticed someone else in the Square, who she waved at. And Cardinal Lawrence, in his red-trimmed cassock and wearing his red zucchetto, walked up to the group. Sister V introduced him, and in the excitement of meeting a real Cardinal and getting him to take a snapshot with the family, Sister V was quickly forgotten.

Roberto muttered a quick prayer of thanks, then switched on his mike to inform HQ that Lawrence was here.

Acknowledged. Return to your position, we are sending Carlos.

Cardinal Lawrence had sent the tourists on their way, and offered an arm to Sister V, and off they went across the Square, heading out towards the streets of Rome. Roberto frowned as he didn't see Carlos. Finally, he spotted a seminarian walking in the same direction as the Cardinal and the nun, but several yards to the side and back.

So they had finally managed to put one of their own in clerical garb. Good. That did look more discreet, though to the trained eye, you could see where Carlos was wearing a gun under the seminarian's cassock.

Satisfied that Carlos had things well in hand, Roberto turned and headed back to Casa Santa Marta. He wondered if Sister V would come back with some pastry to share with the guards, like the last time she went out. Mostly, he hoped she had a nice relaxing time out. The Pope certainly deserved it.

--Somewhere in a dark corner of the Internet.--

Lawrence_walking_with_nun.jpg
Lawrence_looking_adoringly_at_nun.jpg
Lawrence_nun_laughing_together.jpg

WTF! Is our Cardinal stepping out on the Pope?!1!/??!

😱 I can't believe he'll do such a thing!

Noooooo! Not my Lawrence! Who the fuck is she? How can anyone be better than the Pope?!?!

Calm down people. Look carefully. That IS the Pope.

Huh? Whaaaaat?

OMG, it is! Aśse;;fghoewr;F!11111!

Oh dear. He looks hot in a habit!

I'm dead!!!

Same here!

Me 3!

No wonder Lawrence looks so smitten!

Oh, he was head over heels to begin with.

Yes, but he's even more smitten now, which I didn't think was possible!!!

Somebody make a meme! I need artwork!

Here.
[Cartoon drawing of Lawrence in Cardinal red, and Vincent in nun's habit, standing before an altar gazing lovingly at each other, like a couple getting married.]

Aaah! Thank you! That hits the spot!

--Whole of Internet goes up in FLAMES.--

In the Vatican, Raymond O'Malley knocked on Aldo Bellini's office door.

"Your Eminence? I'm afraid we have a problem..."

Chapter Text

Agnes turned the corner of the garden path, and paused, frowning.

There, sitting by the turtle pond, was the Pope. But he wasn't wearing his Papal white cassock. No, he was wearing the nun's habit he wore on his incognito walks around Rome, but without the veil. His dark hair fell loose around his shoulders, gently swaying as he bent to feed the turtles.

"Your Holiness?" Agnes called out.

The Pope looked up, smiling. "Ah, Sister. Good Morning. Or is it afternoon already?"

"I was just going over to Casa Santa Marta for lunch," Agnes explained. "And what about you, Holy Father? Were you planning on going out?"

"Ah," Vincent looked down at his habit. "No, I just -- this is better for feeding the turtles. It doesn't stain. But also..." He hesitated, fiddling with the vegetables he had brought for the turtles.

Agnes stood by quietly, and waited.

"It's silly," said Vincent, "but I just feel more comfortable like this."

'Oh," said Agnes. She walked up to the bench Vincent was sitting on, and asked with her eyes if it was okay for her to join him there. Vincent nodded, and she sat down. "Is it the fit?" she asked. "The material?"

Vincent shrugged. "That's part of it, I suppose. But it's more about... When I go out as a Sister, and everyone treats me as one, it just feels.. more natural? Like I'm more myself than when I'm Pope. Or even before, when I was bishop, and a priest before that."

"Are you saying..." Agnes asked, very carefully, "you like being treated as a woman?"

"As a woman?" Vincent huffed. "That, I'm not sure. Are Sisters treated like women?"

"Well, we are women," Agnes pointed out.

"Oh, of course, Sister. Sorry. I'm not explaining myself well."

"No, please. Do go on. Just say what you think and we can sort it out."

"Thank you, Sister," Vincent threw a piece of vegetable at a turtle, and watched it eat, while seemingly gathering his thoughts. "I think what I mean is... I don't want to get dressed up, wear makeup, have men look at me -- the way they look at women. That doesn't feel like me, at all. And until I started going out as a Sister, I think, unconsciously, that's what I thought being a woman would be about. But now..."

Vincent fed another piece of vegetable to a turtle then turned fully toward Agnes. "I asked you for this habit because I was so desperate to get out," he said. "Before, when I wondered if I could live as a nun, I thought how could I possibly do that. But now, I'm finding it to be the most natural thing in the world. I thought it would make me feel less of a man. But I just feel more like myself."

"Are you saying," Agnes asked, "you would prefer to be a nun than a priest?"

Vincent huffed in startled laughter. "Oh, no," he shook his head. "I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to serve as a priest. And just between you and me, I think it's a shame the Church continues to deny that opportunity to women. What a magnificent Cardinal you would be, Sister, and so many other Sisters I've known."

"Stop before you tell me I'll be a better Pope than you, Vincent."

"Fine, I won't. Though I do think it."

"Vincent..."

"I will appoint more women to leadership positions in the Curia. As many as I can."

"That will be much appreciated, yes. But we were talking about you."

"Yes, well. I do love being a priest. And although I never thought I would be Pope, God put me here, and I serve in obedience to His Will. But now, when I think of the possibility that I might someday retire, instead of serving out my life as Pope, I imagine myself living in my retirement as a nun, rather than..."

"I'm not sure how you avoid being the Pope Emeritus."

"What, I can't wear this habit, and insist everyone call me 'Sister Vincent'?"

"I'd like to see you try."

And so, when Cardinals Lawrence, Bellini, and Sabbadin, accompanied by Monsignor O'Malley, arrived in the garden looking for the Pope, they found him and Sr. Agnes helplessly giggling like school girls.

Chapter Text

"So what, exactly, is the problem?"

The three Cardinals stared aghast at Vincent. Monsignor O'Malley, standing a bit back, looked grim. Sr. Agnes quietly closed the main door to the Papal living quarters, then walked into the kitchenette to make tea.

"Oh, come on!" Aldo sputtered. "Do you really not see the problem???"

"Forgive me," said Vincent. "I do understand there are many aspects of this that can be considered problematic. I'm asking which aspect concerns you most."

"Well," Ray O'Malley spoke up, a bit hesitantly. "One thing is, you can't go out in that --" he indicated Vincent's habit "-- anymore. People will know to look for you in that."

"Ah." Vincent looked down sadly at his habit. "Yes, there's that."

"Perhaps we can try something else?" said Thomas. "Franciscan habit, maybe?"

"Oh, no no no," Aldo whirled on Thomas. "You! You are the problem! If he," he threw out an arm toward Vincent, "had been walking out in a nun's habit by himself, he wouldn't have been recognized. But you! You were flirting with him! That's what got people's attention, that a Cardinal was flirting with a nun!"

"What?" Thomas reared back, scandalized. "I was not flirting! I was just talking to Vincent like I always do."

"And what is normal interaction between two men, especially two priests, can seem like something else when it's between a man and a woman," said Sr. Agnes, as she walked back into the room with a tray holding mugs of tea for everyone. She set the tray down on the coffee table, then indicated the seats arranged around it. "Please, won't you all take a seat?"

The men obediently shuffled up to the table. Vincent took his customary seat in the big armchair. Thomas sat on the sofa, in the seat closest to Vincent. Aldo propped down next to Thomas. Giulio Sabbadin grabbed the smaller armchair at the end of the table. Ray took one of the small chairs facing the sofa. Sr. Agnes distributed the mugs of tea -- his special herb blend for Vincent, black tea for everyone else -- then sat down in the chair next to Ray.

Giulio watched Vincent take a sip of his tea, then as he set down the mug, asked, "Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to change, Your Holiness?"

"No, I'm quite comfortable like this." Vincent looked up at Giulio. "Unless you find it uncomfortable?"

"No, not at all." Giulio responded. His gaze slid over Vincent, studying his figure with a practiced eye. "That cut suits you quite well, Your Holiness."

"Vincent, please," said Vincent. "Everyone here calls me that. How did you get roped into this, by the way?"

"You put me in charge of communications, Vincent."

Vincent frowned. "Is this a communication problem, really?" he asked. "The people on the Internet seem to be having fun. We don't need to comment on it, surely?"

Aldo groaned and muttered, "fun." Thomas patted his arm consolingly.

"While that is generally the best course," Giulio conceded, "You, or any of the Vatican personnel interacting with the public, could get asked direct questions about this. We need to decide on an official line of response."

"Other Popes have been known to sneak out of the Vatican incognito," Thomas pointed out.

"I doubt any of them did so dressed as a nun!" Aldo said, exasperated.

"That we know of," said Ray.

Everyone looked at Ray.

"What?" Ray said. "It's not a novel idea, surely? Men disguising themselves as women?"

"In general, that's true," said Vincent. "But I do have to admit that none of the recent Holy Fathers had the body shape to make a convincing woman."

Silence fell around the table as everyone thought back over the body types of the last few Popes.

"Well," Aldo broke the silence. "Be that as it may. In terms of this instance, I think the approach we need to take is to neither confirm nor deny. We can't confirm, because the Pope walking around incognito raises security questions. If we admit to one thing, we'd just get peppered with more questions. How often has he done this, has he used other disguises, was there security accompanying him --"

"But then what if a reporter asks a direct question?" asked Thomas. He pretended to stick a mike into Aldo's face. "Cardinal, was that really the Pope dressed as a nun?"

"Wouldn't you just like to know?" Vincent said, with a beatific smile.

Thomas turned to Vincent, completely mesmerized by Vincent's soft, mysterious smile. Aldo smacked him in the back of his head.

"That'll work for him," Aldo complained, as Thomas rubbed the spot where Aldo had whacked him. "What about the rest of us?"

"Uh," Giulio cleared his throat. "Something along those lines. We'll each have to come up with something that works with our style."

"What if we just stick to 'no comment'?" asked Ray.

"The trick," said Vincent, "is to say it with a smile. Or at least, to say it so it doesn't come across as dismissive. See?"

He proceeded to demonstrate saying "no comment" several different ways.

"That," said Agnes, when it seemed like no one else would speak up, "is very impressive, Vincent. Have you studied acting?"

"I did work closely with a group of actors at one of my earliest postings," Vincent admitted. "But mostly I figured it out as I was trying to persuade people to contribute to my causes. It's a big part of our work, no? Persuasion?"

"Oh," said Thomas. "I just always thought... it came to you naturally."

"It does become 'second nature' after a while," Vincent acknowledged.

"Well," said Giulio, "I'll pass along this advice to the communication team. Perhaps we can arrange for you to give them that demonstration sometime?"

"Certainly," agreed Vincent. "Ray, can you coordinate with Giulio on this?"

Ray nodded in assent, jotting down a note on his pad.

"Next," Giulio continued, "while I appreciate that you find that outfit comfortable, I can't recommend you continue to wear it. The garden is closed to the public, but that doesn't preclude internal leaks by the staff. We don't need any more material feeding the Internet frenzy."

"But surely --" Thomas protested.

Giulio raised a hand to stop Thomas. "I do think," he expounded, "we should figure out some kind of -- 'work outfit' for the Holy Father. You also cook, correct? So we put you in a papal work outfit, put out some pictures of you cooking and feeding the turtles, that should give people something else to talk about, something that'll be good publicity image. We have enough religious orders around whose members wear some kind of work outfit. We can reference those and come up with something suitable."

"Can we make it not white?" asked Vincent. "I'm just terrible at not getting the white dirty."

"We can use fabrics that won't stain," said Agnes. "Also, we should consider off-white, cream, light beige, grey. They could be made to look 'papal' but be easier to keep clean."

"And I'll speak to the papal tailors about incorporating these lines into the regular papal outfit," Giulio added, nodding at Vincent's habit. "They really do work better for Vincent than the traditional ones."

"Oh, I really don't think we should bother the --" Vincent began.

"You need new outfits made up, anyway," Giulio stated firmly. "And having the Pope look his best is good for the church, wouldn't you say so?" He looked toward Aldo and Thomas for help.

Aldo rolled his eyes, while Thomas gazed lovingly at Vincent's habit. It was Agnes who actually spoke up.

"If you feel comfortable with yourself," she said, "that will be felt by everyone else, and that, in turn, will lead to you doing better work."

Vincent tilted his head, considering. "Yes, Sister," he said, "I suppose you're right. Giulio, thank you for your advice. Please proceed." He looked around the table. "Anything else we need to discuss?"

Nobody spoke up.

"Nothing? Then --"

"If I could borrow Ray and Sr. Agnes?" Giulio asked.

Vincent looked at Ray, then at Agnes. They both nodded. Giulio stood, and Ray got up to follow him. Agnes started to collect the mugs, but Vincent stopped her with a raised hand.

"I'll take care of that, Sister," he said. "Please go assist Giulio."

Agnes bowed, joined Giulio and Ray, and they left in a flurry of leave taking.

Thomas helped Vincent gather the mugs, Aldo contributing by placing his own mug on the tray. Aldo and Thomas followed Vincent as he carried the mugs into the kitchenette, and watched as Vincent placed the mugs into the sink and began washing them.

"For what it's worth," Aldo said, "You looked great in that habit. I shall miss it."

Vincent paused washing and looked up at Aldo.

"But if you two find another way to sneak out? Keep me out of it. It'll be easier to deny if I truly don't know."

"Oh, Aldo."

"I'm sorry," said Aldo. "I have a meeting I need to get to."

Chapter Text

The door closed softly after Aldo. Vincent rinsed the last of the mugs and placed it on the drying rack.

"Servus Servorum Dei," he said softly. "Servant of the Servants of God." He looked up at Thomas. "I've been indulgent, haven't I? I'm supposed to be serving the Church, the people. Not --"

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't take time for yourself. Like Agnes said, you do your best work when you are at ease with who you are."

"Who I am," said Vincent. He wandered back to the sofa and dropped down onto it. "Who am I, Thomas? It's fine to say a little comfort helps us do better work, but before we know it, we have this." He waved his hands around to indicate all the opulence of the room, the building, the entire Vatican complex.

Thomas sat down next to Vincent on the sofa, close but not touching. "The Church hasn't always been good with the balance, obviously."

"Oh, obviously."

"But it's not like we can turn these buildings into a homeless shelter..." Thomas trailed off uncertainly as he realized that might be exactly what Vincent would want to do.

"Oh, no. That wouldn't work, these buildings aren't built for that," said Vincent. "We'd have to raze the whole place and start over."

"...Are we just talking about buildings?"

"Wouldn't that turn us into Protestants?" Vincent frowned, thinking. "No, I love the Church. It's what I grew up in. The old church in my childhood village. Father Sanchez, Sister Felicia. Both missionaries from faraway places. They wouldn't have been in my village had the church and their orders not sent them there. There's a lot of good the Church can do because it is Universal.

"And," Vincent continued, "I wouldn't want to tear down St. Peter's Basilica, or the Sistine Chapel. But some of those apartments where the Cardinals live..."

"The entire Curia will revolt if you try to turn us out."

"Yes. That's the problem, exactly," Vincent said, the corners of his mouth turning down into a grimace. "We say we are the servants of God. The Pope, especially, calls himself the servant of the servants of God. But do we actually behave that way? More importantly, do people ever think of us that way? What I've found, while going out in this --" He swiped a hand down his habit, then pinched a little of the fabric and rubbed it through his fingers. "-- is that people really do treat Sisters that way. Even when we respect them for their service, we --" he paused. "I can't remember if I thanked Sr. Agnes for making tea just now," he admitted.

"I am sure I didn't," Thomas confessed.

Vincent nodded. "Yet, they serve, doing work without which we'll all be lost. And they don't seek attention or recognition. And most of them are stronger and better servants of God because of this. I do hope to put more Sisters in positions of authority within the Church. But what I really wish is for a way for the priests, the bishops, the Cardinals -- to feel this sense of humility. What it feels like to be seen as the lowliest of the low. That --" he stopped, then resumed speaking, slowly, as if realizing it for the first time. "That is what I liked about being a nun. It showed me who I am supposed to be. Servant of servants."

"You should speak about that sometime," Thomas said. "Homily?"

"General Audience?" said Vincent.

"Yes, that'll work."

"I did enjoy walking through Rome with you, Thomas."

"I'm sorry my behavior got us discovered."

"Oh, no, Thomas. It was the both of us. It felt so free to be just ourselves, out in the streets. But like Sr. Agnes said..."

"Are you sure we couldn't get you a habit from a different order?"

"I might be able to get away with it if I'm by myself. But you, unfortunately, are a marked man. Anytime you are seen with a nun, people will pay extra attention. In fact, if you and Sr. Agnes were to have coffee together..."

"I'm tempted to do that just to see the reaction."

"Poor Aldo will have a stroke! Talking about Aldo..."

"He'll be okay. He just needs to work through his anxiety attack. Like the previous Holy Father said..."

"'Brilliant but neurotic.' Not the kindest way to put it, but that's his personality. And his ability to conjure up the worst possibilities of a situation is truly useful. I just wish it didn't stress him so."

"Write up that speech, and ask him for comment. He'll like it. You admit to walking around Rome dressed as a nun, but your insight on being a servant of servants will forestall any criticisms over that."

"And no need for Giulio's people to 'no comment' this. Although it probably is a good idea to still show them how to do 'no comment' the next time we need it. What, Thomas?"

"I just... I never thought you actually thought about this!"

"Oh, come on, we all do it from time to time. Like when you were trying to get Sr. Shanumi to..."

"Yes, and I got nowhere until you came and took over!"

"I do have more experience with women in such situations. But what I mean is, we all change our tones, modulate our voices to fit the occasion..."

"I just don't think I could do it the way you do."

"No? Did you even try? Come now, say 'no comment.' Don't think about it, just say it without thinking."

"No comment."

"Okay. Repeat it five times, rapidly."

"No comment, no comment, no comment, no comment, no comment."

"Good. Now..."

OMG, did you see the Pope's new outfit?!1111! Soooo HOT!!!!!

That cut! The draping of the skirt! So totally based on the habit he was wearing walking with Lawrence!

So is this a non-confirmation confirmation?

Sure looks like it!

It shows off his figure so much better!

Pope_baking_cookies.jpg
Pope_and_cardinals_baking1.jpg
Pope_and_cardinals_baking2.jpg

OMG, the poor Cardinals look so uncomfortable, lmao 🤣 🤣 🤣

Go, Papa! Show them who's boss!

I wanna have the Pope's cookies! 🍪 🍪 🍪

They are for refugee children, silly!

I know, but a gal can dream!

Can a guy dream, too?

Sure! The more the merrier!

All for Innocent, Innocent for All!

General Audience tomorrow, let's go!

So envious of you all who get to go! Report back!

Will do!

Chapter Text

Dearest Brothers and Sisters,

Today's reading is from Matthew 25. Whatever you did for these, the least of my brothers and sisters, you did for me. This is one of the most celebrated passage of the Gospels, and rightly so. It conveys the essence of the Church's teachings, what it means to live as Christians, as followers of our Lord Jesus Christ.

As we all know, our Lord commanded us to love one another as He has loved us. But today's reading teaches us how that love must be expressed through concrete actions. Feed the hungry. Give drink to the thirsty. Welcome the stranger. Clothe the naked. Visit the sick, and those in prison. And that we must treat the least among us with the deepest reverence and respect, because what we do to the least of us, we do to our Lord.

My brothers and sisters. Some of the more observant among you have noticed that I have been walking around the streets of Rome dressed as a nun. As you all well know, wherever a Pope goes, he attracts great attention. This can be inconvenient when I just want to go buy some ingredients for a Mexican dish I wished to cook.

But why did I choose to dress as a nun? Previous Popes have been known to sneak out of the Vatican from time to time. I'm sure none of them dressed as a nun. Well, fairly sure. I doubt any of our recent Holy Fathers would have made a convincing nun.

But back to my choice to dress as a nun. I did so because I knew that here, at the Vatican, in Rome, the Sisters attract the least attention. In a city full of cardinals, bishops, monsignors, priests, seminarians, brothers of religious orders -- the Sisters are in many ways the least of us. Their habits are designed for modesty, in plain, subdued colors.

Even the lowliest priest, fresh out of the seminary, is accorded respect and reverence when he wears a suit with the priest's collar. Higher ranking priests -- monsignors, bishops, cardinals -- wear clothing with distinctly colored accents prominently displaying their rank. And the Pope, of course, wears white.

The Sisters, on the other hand, don't have such symbols of their rank. Even the superioress of a convent, a superior general of an entire order, or those Sisters my predecessor appointed as Secretaries of Dicasteries and other high positions in the Curia, they dress the same as every other Sister. If you pass them in the streets, you wouldn't notice anything remarkable about them!

It was that anonymity I appropriated for my frankly selfish purpose. But even though in that moment I craved anonymity, to actually be anonymous, to find myself suddenly invisible --

I had known Sisters were invisible. But to actually experience being invisible -- to feel people's gaze slide over me and glance off, as if I were not there at all -- that was completely terrifying. Yet ultimately, freeing, in that it granted me insight I otherwise would not have known.

Until I became Pope, I had considered myself fairly anonymous. I was one priest among many. Even as I was handed more responsibilities, operated shelters, ran clinics, was appointed bishop -- even when I decided to reveal my in pectore appointment as Cardinal to attend the Conclave, I was but one of many. So I thought.

But as I walked the streets of Rome dressed as a nun, and nobody truly looked at me twice, I realized truly how much respect and deference I had been accorded at every moment of my life, starting all the way back to when I was just a seminarian, taking the first steps in my life with the Church.

At first I thought the difference must be due to the fact that Sisters are women. That even as our society has made tremendous progress in raising the status of women to be more equal to men, we still have a long way to go before they are truly equal. But upon reflection, I've come to see that that is part of the issue, but not all of it.

Because there are many among us who are invisible, both men and women. Invisibility is everywhere, if we just care to look. These people do the work which are essential, as we discovered during Covid. And for a while, in the height of that pandemic, we even remembered to thank them. But now that the crisis has passed, they are once again forgotten.

They sweep our streets, clean our clothes, pick up our garbage, drive the buses and trains, deliver our food. Labor in factories to build fancy goods we enjoy. Toil in the fields to plant and harvest the food we eat. Given a choice between a job we can do sitting in an office, and one of these hard, menial jobs, how many of us would chose to do them? Yet someone has to! So those jobs are pushed onto the least among us, and we mostly forget about them. But in doing so, we are ignoring our Lord, we are neglecting Him. Because, remember, whatever you did to these, the least of my brothers and sisters, you did to me.

On another occasion, I hope to honor these invisible workers who hold up our society. But today, I would honor our Sisters, many of whom do these kinds of forgotten, essential work.

As you saw earlier, at the General Audience, the reading is read in multiple languages, to honor the Universal Church, and celebrate the diversity among the many peoples united in our faith in Christ. Today all the readings were done by Sisters working here at the Vatican, doing important work behind the scenes, without which this place would cease to function. They are the true "servant of servants" that the Pope styles himself to be.

I now ask these Sisters to come forward, and stand for all the Sisters who work in the Church, here at the Vatican, and around the world.

Innocent stood, and waited for the Sisters to approach. When the first Sister walked up to him, Innocent took a step forward to meet her, then knelt at her feet. He bent to kiss her feet, then raised his head to kiss her hand. Finally, he stood up, embraced her, and kissed her cheek. He then moved on to the next Sister, and repeated the process.

The last Sister in line was Agnes. Tears streamed down her face as Vincent knelt before her. When Vincent had kissed her feet and hand and stood to embrace her, she grabbed him in a fierce hug and sobbed into his shoulder.

When the two finally let go of each other, they turned to find Cardinals Lawrence, Bellini, and Sabbadin all patiently waiting for their turn to pay homage. Behind them, all the Cardinals present were coming forward to stand in line.

As Lawrence knelt before Sister Agnes, Innocent began directing the rest of the Cardinals, spreading them out among the other Sisters on the dais. Even so, it took a long time for all the Cardinals to pay homage to the Sisters. Yet the crowd waited, watching in solemn silence as the proud Princes of the Church knelt before these humble women.

As the line of Cardinals finally began approaching its end, the bishops and monsignors began tittering, unsure if they should also join the line. Innocent motioned with his hand, signaling that they, and the priests and seminarians behind them, should stand but stay in place. He waited until the last of the Cardinals had stepped back to their places, then turned to the Sisters, and bowed deeply.

And the entire mass of cardinals, bishops, priests, seminarians all bowed in unison, following their Pope.

For a minute, the hushed silence over the Square was complete. Then a sound of muted wonder and approval tentatively rose up from the crowd, gradually increasing until it was a deafening roar.

Chapter Text

Thomas looked at his phone, and frowned. The text message he'd sent Vincent 15 minutes ago, asking "Dinner?" was still marked as delivered but unread.

He called Vincent. It went straight to voicemail.

He called Ray, who said the last item on Vincent's official schedule was an audience with the ambassador from Papua New Guinea.

He called Aldo, who confirmed that the meeting had concluded half an hour ago. No, he didn't see where Vincent went after that, though he assumed he was returning to the residence.

Thomas got up and walked to the Papal apartments. The guard at the door saluted him as he walked past. He walked through the entire apartment, checking all the rooms, including the rarely used guest bedroom, but no Vincent.

Thomas went back out to the door. "Have you seen His Holiness?" he asked the guard. The guard said he had come in about half an hour ago, changed into his work outfit, and left.

Okay, work outfit. That meant either the gardens, or maybe the kitchen. Thomas called Agnes.

"Yes, he's here," Agnes confirmed.

Thomas walked to Casa Santa Marta. Agnes stepped up to him as he reached the entrance to the dining hall. She nodded toward the cafeteria line, where people were picking up their food.

At first, Thomas didn't see Vincent. Then he saw one of the diners do a double take as she took back her plate of food from one of the servers. In fact, she startled so badly she almost dropped the plate. Vincent grabbed it in time to keep it from falling. Whatever he said to her got her to calm down, and he turned to ask the next person in line what food they wanted.

The work outfit Giulio and the tailors had designed for Vincent was a dull grey that turned out looking close to white in glossy photographs. Its overall design closely resembled a nun's habit, with a few touches here and there that Giulio claimed kept it more masculine, whatever that meant.

Vincent's hair was tied back in a ponytail, and he was wearing a mesh cap, the kind that kitchen workers wore to keep hair out of food.

He blended in so well, many people went by without realizing they were being served by the Pope. Every so often, someone would notice and do a double take. Vincent would smile, say a few words, and keep the line moving.

Thomas felt like he could look at Vincent all day.

"Thomas? Did you find Vincent?"

Thomas turned to see Aldo, with Ray standing a step behind him. Thomas nodded toward the food line, whereupon Aldo and Ray also failed to pick out Vincent until the next person did a double take.

Eventually, Aldo recovered and called Giulio. When he arrived, he caught on faster only because someone happened to be doing a double take just as he walked in.

"Oh, this is great!" Giulio breathed, as he took pictures with his phone. "Do you think we could call in the real photographers?"

"Only if they don't disturb the diners," said Agnes. "People are here to eat!"

"Talking about eating," Thomas asked, "when does he get off, so he can eat?"

Agnes considered the clock on the wall. "I'll pull him out at the end of the hour," she decided. "Call your photographer, you can all go get food from him right before he goes off, the pictures can go on the website, and we won't have to deal with getting permission from the regular diners."

Aldo, Ray, and Giulio moved off to the reserved table in the dining room alcove to wait for the photographer and the time to collect their food.

Thomas, however, remained by the wall near the main door, watching Vincent serve food to his flock.

He could watch Vincent all day.