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“He really doesn’t want to break up.”
“If this is too much for you, then we should break up!” Charles' shout echoed in the darkness of the night, leaving Max frozen in place.
“I'm sorry Max, but you know how it is, I can't prioritise you over saving the city” Charles says after a short silence, his voice trembling. God, it was the same old argument, over and over and over again since they started dating over a year ago. At first, he understood Max, he was just worried about him, but now it just frustrated him and made him want to bang his head against the wall.He didn't know what to do anymore. He hated fighting with his boyfriend, he hated hurting him with his actions and words, but most of all, he hated that he couldn't do anything to change the situation they were in. He felt like his life was being pulled in different directions and that each path was leading him to a responsibility he didn't know how to handle. How could he be the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and at the same time stay with his boyfriend? He felt selfish just thinking about it.
“Is that what you want?” Max asks after a brief silence. His arms were crossed, and his gaze seemed to pierce his soul. There was no shouting or pleading on his part, just an intensity that made the atmosphere tense. “Because if that's what you want, tell me now and let's get it over with”
“No, I don't want that” Charles replies quickly, running his hands through his hair, messing it up in frustration. “You don't understand Max, I love you, you're the best thing that's happened to me this past while, but this, what I do as Spiderman, endangers you and everything I love. And let's be honest, you deserve better, I can't even be with you half the time”
Charles felt a small lump forming in his throat in frustration, making it hard to breathe. This was unfair, this whole situation. It's like he'll always fall short, and it's not enough for anyone, not for Max, not for his family, not for the city he tries to save every day. It's never enough for anyone.
“Do you think I can't deal with this? And yes, maybe sometimes I've been too pushy about it, but damn it! I do it because I'm concerned for your safety. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to be with you, even though you told me your secret identity Charles. I am not a fucking victim. I don't need you to protect me” Max says in a defiant tone, taking a step closer to Charles.
He shakes his head sadly. “I know, I know you're strong. Hell Max, I know your story, I know what you went through to get to where you are, everything you sacrificed to get into Formula 1” he says, taking a step back to create some distance between them and take a breath.
“And that's why I don't think this is fair to you. I can't be a good boyfriend while being Spider-Man, and it's selfish of me to ask you to be with me knowing that you can't be my priority. You deserve better, someone who won't leave you alone on the few nights we can be together, someone who will be by your side every race, supporting you from the garage, not someone like me, you're mean to be a champion Max, number one, you don't deserve to be number two, and I can't keep dragging you into this”
Max's gaze hardens at that, and he clenches his fists, trying to hold the anger and hurt that his words caused him, because what can he say against that? It was true, his boyfriend was always running off at the first sign that the city needed him, they had never slept a full night together, for at any moment Charles is called to duty. Sometimes he felt their relationship was an illusion. Between his own busy schedule as a race car driver and Charles' own busy schedule between his work and his extracurricular hero activities, they barely share time together in person, their relationship being mostly through chats and video calls.
“But you come back, you always come back to me, I don't care if I don't sleep or wake up next to you, as long as you come home to me, that's why I chose you, fuck I still choose you!, doesn't that count?” he asks with a hint of pain and angry in his voice. Max was beginning to despair, he knew that look in Charles' eyes. That look full of sadness and frustration, full of resignation.
“Of course it counts! But please, try to understand me. I feel horrible every time I have to leave you, every time I miss a date or we have to change plans just because I have to take care of some criminals,” he says, pacing in place with his hands on his hips. “I hate always having to choose between the love of my life and saving innocent lives, Max, it’s fucking frustrating” he sighs tiredly. “And that's not to mention the risk you run if some villain or criminal discovers your identity and knows you're related to Spider-Man. And I'm sorry, but I can't put you at risk because of me.” Charles stops and looks at Max decisively.
He clenches his jaw in anger and frustration, Charles's tone indicating what he feared. He'd already made up his mind, but he wasn't going to accept it, not without a bit of a fight.
“You are acting like a pussy, you know? you think you know better than me what I deserve, don't you?” he says sharply, approaching Charles and grabbing him by the suit to pull him closer to his body. “I chose you for a reason Charles, even knowing the risks. But I see it doesn't matter what I say anymore, you've made your choice,” he says, and let him go.
After that, the silence between the two became uncomfortable and tense. They crossed glances occasionally, only to look away immediately.
“So this is how it's going to end? This is how we're going to end? behaving like stupid strangers?” Max says, breaking the silence. Even though his tone was still sharp, the pain of a broken heart seeped through his words.
“I don't want it to end. I'm... I'm sorry for doing it this way.” Charles says, looking at Max, full of guilt and regret. “I don't want to leave you, but I don't want to keep hurting you like this either. I love you Max, and I most likely always will, but I don't want to drag you into my shit.” Charles declares, pleading tinging his words.
They both fall back into a tense silence. Charles' words settling in both of their hearts, putting an end to their story, for the moment. Max lets out a big sigh, rubbing his face with both hands, then walks to the edge of the building, where he stares out at the luxurious streets of Monte Carlo. Down below, the city continued its usual bustle, indifferent to what was happening on the roof of one of its buildings. The murmur of the people and the roar of the luxury cars on the streets echoed in Max's head. In the distance, the Monte Carlo casino glittered in an invitation to lose himself in the moment. But Max couldn't lose himself in anything, not anymore. Everything around him was familiar, nothing had changed, except for the hole he felt in his chest, one that the hero of Monaco was leaving him as he walked away.
“You fucking idiot” Max mutters to the air. “At least give me hope.”
Charles, who by this time was staring at the sky, trying not to break down in front of his boyfriend? came back to reality and looked at Max in confusion.
“Hope?” he repeats in confusion.
“Yeah... at least tell me that maybe in the future we can try again, give me that at least, you owe me” Max finally looks up at Charles, his eyes distant yet pleading, clinging tightly to their now non-existent relationship.
The words echo in Charles.
Maybe...
Yes, he thinks he owes Max that much.
After taking his heart and tearing it to shreds just because of his incompetence and irresponsibility, the least he could do was try to calm his restless heart.
“You're right... It's very selfish of me to end all this, all the time we had together, all the memories we shared, in a simple goodbye.” Charles takes a breath of air, trying not to shake his voice.
“Let's leave it at a see you soon, a break”, he says, taking a step closer. “I really hope it happens, Monaco is small, after all,’ Charles says, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
Max looks back at him seriously, contemplating Charles' words. Was it what he was hoping for? No. But he would take it. He would take whatever he could get from Charles, even if it was only crumbs of an uncertain future.
“Well…” Max says, coming closer, standing in front of Charles and stretching out his hand. “Then see you soon, Charles Leclerc. I hope to meet you again at least only one last time in this life”
“I expect the same, Max Verstappen” Charles says, taking his hand in a firm farewell shake. “And I hope to see you more often on the podium…”
Before Max walked through the door to leave, Charles decided to let his feelings out one last time.
“You know I love you, right?”
“Yes, I do, I've never doubted it. I don't know why you do” he says, taking one last look before disappearing out the door, and out of Charles’ life.
When he is finally left alone, Charles sits on the edge of the building, looking out over the city that he protects with his life every day, and that cost him the love of his life.
Maybe...
Yes, that could work. He would make sure of that. He would become stronger and more determined for Max. He will seek him out one last time in this life and never leave him again.