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Exe is usually used to it. Yeah, even if it makes her tired, even if she feels the emotional pain of everyone around her and then it hurts her physically, pain all over and it never truly stopping. She’s used to it, she’s dealt with it for a long time now, so she’s used to it.
She really should be used to it, but she’s not always. Sometimes it’s too much. Sometimes it’s just way too much for no reason and she can’t help but think back to stars and a FriendProgram desperately asking her to stop when she thought she was going to save everyone and then it hurts worse that she had a brief moment of even thinking about that possibility actually working. It’s not a good reminder.
But she just! Really doesn’t get why it hurts so bad either! All the programs are happier than they ever were! They’re happier and they’re doing things that make them genuinely smile! Yeah, there’s a bunch of mixed feelings in there too, with programs not getting how to be after so long under the tests and threat of reboot. Experiments who are still scared they’ll be taken away by scientists and tested on. Some programs who are angry because they’re so used to what those awful tests taught them. Experiments who don’t know how to react to what happened.
But there’s more hope and happiness than she could ever even remember! So why does it have to hurt so bad?! It shouldn’t be affecting her like this, she’s dealt with a worse bundle of emotions than this! It’s so annoying! She can’t really even get out of her super basic floor bed or do anything but stuff on the TV. Which she really doesn’t want to, today. She doesn’t feel like watching anything at all and it sucks so, so bad.
And then everything stops sucking so bad because a big purplish-blueish dog experiment bursts into her little house hole with a dog toy in its mouth.
“HI!!! HI EXE HIII!!!” Spike’s excitement and absolute pure joy is immediately contagious, for her quite literally, even if her body still hurts the same despite the obvious source of good feelings in front of her. She watches as its tail wags excitedly, dog toy in mouth. Then suddenly it drops the toy after looking at her for a few seconds. She’s about to say hi when Spike yells somehow even more loudly, “ARE YOU OKAY!?”
“It’s that bad, huh?” She sits up as she asks it, hoping maybe a change in position will help. It doesn’t.
“Yeah!”
“Lame.” Exe let’s her body fall back down onto her bed, not really even wanting to sit up at all right now anyways. It shouldn’t be this bad!!! It’s the only thing she can think about! Even with Spike in here with her!!!
“You look like when one of my dads is super tired and sad out of nowhere!” Spike talks with a tone that’s full of joy and sadness at the same time. She’s used to it by now, really.
Wait did she just get told one of Spike’s dads has depression—
“DON’T WORRY THOUGH! I have the cure!”
She can’t even respond with something silly or joyful or something to keep up the mood. It’s not because shock or joy or like, thinking, really. No, it's Spike landing on her at what must’ve been one million miles per hour, perfectly stationed on her body like a blanket instead of a big dog. She’s seen movies before, she knows dogs just do this, especially the big ones, but she wasn’t prepared to actually have it happen to her Right Now.
Exe feels the wind get knocked out of her, a strike of pain, and she doesn’t really get what the deal is here because it just hurts but Spike is so happy it’s unreal and then…
… Then something shifts. It’s a weird feeling. She doesn’t know how to explain it, but something shifts within her body and suddenly it… It still hurts, but also something in there feels… it feels nice? Like the pressure on her is numbing it a little bit. Like something comfortable and calming, holding her without really holding her. Like memories of a FriendProgram who would pet her just gently enough and was always so exhausted, but always wanted to have someone who understood, even if she had been simpler at the time.
It felt like FriendProgram letting her lay on their lap like she was still that oh so small rabbit as the two of them napped and looked at the stars.
(Even if she could feel, just a bit, FriendProgram jolting awake as she fell asleep, and as she slowly woke up.)
“See, see! It works!!!” Spike yells again, tail wagging at speeds that probably shouldn’t be possible, loud thumping sounds being made on the floor. Before she even realizes it, she decides to wrap her arms just a bit around Spike.
“You’re a genius!” She yells back, able to feel the smile on her face and in her voice. It isn’t gone. The pain isn’t gone— it never is, but it feels better, and that’s what’s most important here.
She’s glad she was feeling more social, today. She’s glad Spike cares. She’s glad stuff is getting better, bit by bit. Finally, this place doesn’t have to be filled with misery all the time. Even if misery hangs in the air still, it’s so much less than before. It feels different, too. Like the last bits of sand in an hourglass.
She remembers when this kind of thing felt impossible.
Exe can have it now, though.