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English
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Published:
2006-09-04
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541
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1/1
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7
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123

Five Times Lyndon Was Too Chicken to Ask Harriet Out

Summary:

Harriet followed his finger with her eyes and giggled "Oh!" when she saw the mistletoe, then got on tip-toes to kiss him on the forehead like any married woman with three children would kiss a nice man from work.

Work Text:

1. When he saw her sitting on the bench in the car park, looking forlornly at her car which had all its lights and wipers on but was – from what Lyndon could tell – completely and utterly locked, and he started making his way towards her to offer her a ride home, but just then her husband showed up in his own car looking bored or angry or both.

2. During last year's Christmas party. Girls were trying a multiple of ingenious ways to maneuver him under the mistletoe, one including an impromptu and illogical salsa dance. But it wasn't until later when most people were well sloshed that Lyndon found the opportunity to catch Harriet under the mistletoe. She was talking to Naughty Rachel about the pros and cons of canned peaches as a packed lunch (pro: very nearly impossible to break and spill on the way to school; con: very nearly impossible to open in a school canteen without also including a can opener, and the last time she did that, Robbie had to have his pinky reattached), when Lyndon came up behind her, tapped her on the shoulder, and pointed up while smiling his most charming smile. Harriet followed his finger with her eyes and giggled "Oh!" when she saw the mistletoe, then got on tip-toes to kiss him on the forehead like any married woman with three children would kiss a nice man from work.

3. When he was called to the office by Joanna Clore for a "service" appointment, was met by Harriet's bum in the air as she struggled with a box of office supplies on the floor, and realized he didn't regret coming down here at all.

4. The second time Lyndon ever met Harriet. The first was a few days after he had started working at the hospital. She called him into the office to fix her keyboard, which she had somehow managed to muck up by getting those tiny, flat Lego pieces stuck under the keys. The second time was the day after that, when they bumped into each other in the canteen and she gave him half her brownie as a thank you gift and didn't once throw her knickers at him or try to unbutton his shirt with her teeth.

5. Three days after she told him she couldn't see him anymore. He came into his office that morning and found, stuck to his chair, a slice of bread covered in apricot jam. When he went through the surveillance tapes (which he had to let Ricky the security guy unbutton his shirt with his teeth to get access to), Lyndon saw Harriet sneak into his office, smell the shirt he kept there in case people "accidentally" ripped the one he was wearing (which happened a lot more here than it did at his old job), and then sneak back out, unknowingly dropping the jam sandwich out of her bag along the way. He kept it in the mini-fridge – evidence that she had been there, had been his for a brief moment – until a week later when he came into his office and found a naked Joanna Clore rubbing it all over her body. He had to throw it out after that.