Chapter Text
Ahhh, what a beautiful morning, he thought to himself. For this would be the day he would end it all. This world that he sought to find a reason to live in was starting to seem bleak once more. He thought, at least for a little bit, that he had finally found his purpose. Just for a while…
After Odasaku left his final wishes with Dazai, he sought to make them a reality. However, his one regret was not being able to see the book Odasaku would write because he would not be there to write it, nor would Dazai like to prolong the long endless suffering that is his life. He saved some people, helped some orphans, and joined the side that saves people. Shouldn’t that be enough?
He didn’t want to inconvenience anyone with his reminiscing. Nor did he want to prolong these thoughts. Why should he?
Ahh look at me…
I’m even worrying about how people will feel once I’m gone. This is not like me at all. Or maybe it is. Maybe Odasaku was right.
Maybe being on the side that saves people was the right decision. Or maybe he’s growing soft. Not like it matters. For once he thought on these memories not with a sad smile, but a happy one. After all there’s no need to be sad. He’s going to see him again in just moments.
But then again, who was he kidding? Not that he believes in a God or a Buddha, but if the afterlife did exist then wouldn’t he be going to hell? Odasaku was probably in heaven. And if he was even in hell would Dazai feel proud to look him in the eyes and say I did what you asked.
Odasaku said his final wishes not to be his reason to live but rather to set him on the right path. Odasaku knew Dazai would never find his reason nor true happiness. And of course being Dazai’s friend and the only person who truly understood him, he was right.
Dazai would feel weird to see Odasaku again once more knowing everything he did after his death was just because he was asked to do so and not out of the kindness of his heart.
Was being in the ADA so different from being in the Port Mafia?
He was still under a leader with rules to follow, he was still doing boring paper work with no end in sight, and he was still fighting enemy organizations. So if you really think about it. Was his work in the mafia so different than his work in the ADA?
I mean while the Port Mafia has a bad reputation and for the most part does whatever they please. They still have a duty to protect Yokohama. And when it counts the Port Mafia saves just as many people as the ADA does in these situations to restore order.
Who is Dazai kidding. The Port Mafia is no where near the same as the Armed Detective Agency. Sure they have the same goals like keeping the peace of Yokohama but they have two different ways of going about that.
Not to mention the disturbing ways the mafia has compared to the family oriented ADA. Oh well this doesn’t matter in the long run. No use contemplating his whole life. When did he ever feel the need to do that?
He has had hundreds of suicide attempts and none of them required this much preparation. Not to mention none of them had him feeling this sentimental.
This should be the part where he says it’s because he’s human that he’s getting sentimental. But not once in his life did he ever think he was human.
Sure he did have the anatomy of a homo sapien and had similar needs to them like eating and sleeping (which he did not do) but when it came down to it he was so far off from being human that even the comparison makes his non human blood run cold.
Disgusting. This disgusting body could never be human. Its a demons body at best.
Maybe he’s feeling sentimental because he’s finally accomplished what his said he would. Helping some orphans, helping people, and being on the side that saves people.
If Dazai truly wanted to die than why did he fail at his attempts? He has never failed at anything really. Maybe the reason he’s failed so many times was because he wasn’t taking it seriously.
He would today though.
He must.
For living itself was a sin.
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It was 8 AM and Dazai headed out to work.
This was considered early for him because he usually got to the office around 1 PM and worked extremely late hours to “make up for it”.
His days usually just consisted of him doing boring paperwork and complaining about the boring paperwork for hours and then going home. Nothing special really. While he specializes in being out in the action and fighting using his wits he for the most part does relatively safe paperwork and not much real cases that need his involvement.
Today however was extremely weird for Dazai’s co-workers. Not only did Dazai start working early today but he didn’t complain about working once. Which was a huge red flag in Ranpo’s eyes. But he decided to ignore it because for once he wanted to think he was wrong and just assuming things.
But he wasn’t. Ranpo was never wrong. He knew that today would be the last time they saw Dazai. Thus Ranpo shared his snacks with Dazai.
All of the member of the agency were confused. Because Ranpo sharing his snacks with someone was unprecedented. Ranpo shared his snacks with no one. Well maybe the president but he was just barely making the cut. So for Dazai to be getting Ranpo’s snacks was alarming.
Kunikida also though Dazai’s behaviors were strange today and while not explicitly pointing it out, he told Dazai multiple times throughout the day to take a break.
Which he normally would just annoy Dazai about eating lunch. But this wasn’t about just eating and his overall health, rather Kunikida being worried for Dazai’s mental health as well.
Atsushi could feel it too. While he wasn’t as smart as Ranpo or Dazai he understood sometimes what Dazai was feeling. He felt this feeling when Dazai said “When I go, I hope I’ll go just a beautifully.” When they were looking at the fireworks together. Except there was no fireworks today. Only a feeling.
RINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
The alarm was so loud Atsushi wanted to cut his ears off. He heard it more than anyone else in the room because his ability also increase his hearing. He would never get used to the ring. This was the last call of the night for most of the agency members. At this time the only 3 people who would stay for overtime would be Dazai, the President, and Yosano. And Yosano was only there to make sure Dazai wasn’t up to anything. The president was always the last one to leave making sure everything was in order and was ok.
Today was different. Dazai was the first to leave.
Only Ranpo knew.
This would be the last time anyone would see him.
Alive that is.
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Dazai got home and took off his shoes. He hadn’t bothered to clean up his apartment. He hopes that if someone were to find his body that they wouldn’t comment on how awful the place looked.
He also hoped the president wouldn’t be mad at him for ruining the agency dorms. And also would be able to rent out his apartment even after telling that someone died there. While this wouldn’t be a problem after he died and he shouldn’t be worrying about it he did not want to inconvenience everyone with his death.
His whole life has been an inconvenience to others he did not want the same for his death.
He went to his kitchen area and grabbed a cup and put it under the tap for some water.
Then he went to the bathroom and opened the drawer to grab 2 different types of pain medication. Vicodin and aspirin. He took both at the same time and swallowed. He almost chocked because it went down the wrong pipe but he was able to keep it down.
He waited 30 minutes to make sure that the pain medications were working together well. And by well he meant utter chaos. He took over the limit for both of these medications combined and then went back to the kitchen to grab a beer and drink.
He drank.
And drank
And drank
Until he started to feel tired. Normally he would just fall asleep on the kitchen floor but decided he wanted his final resting place to be his futon.
Thus he went to his futon and covered himself tightly around with blankets and went to his eternal slumber. Supposedly finally at peace with his life.
He couldn’t have been more wrong.
The time was 1:44 AM
But how come he’s awoken by a stranger in a bar at 6 AM?!
Surely he died.
I mean—SURELY.
COME ON
“Sir you need to get up we are closing.“
Dazai would never allow himself to sleep at a bar.
EVER
This would mean letting he guard down. And he would never do that. It’s beneath him to do so.
Also if he would stop freaking out about this so called anomaly then he would notice that his head that’s supposed to hurt doesn’t.
Or that his hands are smaller than he remembers them to be.
Or that wait his whole BODY is smaller than he remembers. And on top of that he his wearing clothes he would only wear in the mafia.
Or that wait WHY WAS THIS RANDOM PERSON WHO WOKE ME UP SPEAKING ENGLISH??????
No there is a normal explanation for this.
He is a foreigner who could only find a job at this Japanese bar and couldn’t find work anywhere else.
Yes of course he was so smart after all.
Except that this random bar tender who was a “foreigner” was not the only foreigner in the room.
It was almost like Dazai was the foreigner.