Work Text:
June 31, 2009
Soft sunlight shone through the tattered windows of the old hospital as my eyes traveled lazily from one side to the other. The curtains were a dusty sky blue, the faint beep of the heart monitor and the static of the radio were the only sounds that filled the little corner where I lay in my bed.
I can't feel the lower half of my body. The nurses told me that I would never feel it again. So, I lay here looking at the big window that was only a few steps from me, wishing I could close that distance, slide the glass aside, and jump.
I have no memory of how I got here. One moment, I was on my way walking home, and the next, I woke up surrounded by blue hospital uniforms and my teary-eyed father and brother. They said it was an attack. Drugged and battered, but I'm alive, barely. Not that it mattered. My legs and feet are no longer functional; I will be stuck in a wheelchair for whatever time the doctors and nurses have salvaged for my life. I might as well be dead. I'm worse than useless, I'm a burden.
The radio that my father had left open had ceased its static noise and picked up on a station. Ongoing is an interview between a ridiculous sounding man with a posh accent and three girls who he describes as an up-and-coming girl band called the 'Mockingjays'.
They're about to call a random number. One lucky individual will get to talk to the members live. Their voices are high-pitched, bordering on squeals. Though I can't see their faces, I know their smiles are large. It sends off an ashen feeling in my gut. How can such happy people exist when I'm here in this hospital bed, never able to walk again?
In the radio show, Caesar Flickerman, the host, is talking to one of the girls. The lead vocalist. "Why don't we let Katniss do the honors of dialing the lucky number," he says.
There's a pause, then a ringing sound fills the room. I thought at first that the sole origin of it was the radio. But then I felt the subtle vibration of the phone in my pocket. It could be anyone. My brother letting me know he's on his way back here after fetching some clothes for me at home, my friends who are probably worried sick for not getting any messages from me over the weekend, or distant relatives who have heard the news of my predicament from my father. It's with these thoughts that I slide my hand into my pockets and answer the call.
"Hello?" It is not the echo of my hello to the radio that astounds me, but the scratchy and parched noise that had somehow become of my voice in the last several hours of silence and misery. I sound like this now.
"Hello," A chirpy young voice answers from my phone and the radio. "This is Katniss Everdeen from the 'Mockingjays' and I'm calling live from the Caesar Flickerman radio show. You are our lucky recipient." I stare at the ceiling. "Have you heard of the 'Mockingjays'?" she persists.
"No," I say, clipped.
"Oh"
Just as I'm about to hang up the call. Caesar Flickerman speaks as if expecting my dismissal. "Well, why don't you just stay for a little while, nevertheless? Tell you what, not only do you get an exclusive 5 minutes talking to the one-and-only Katniss Everdeen. You'll also get free limited edition Capitol running shoes!"
I hear claps and an excited 'yeah!' from the other girls. My stomach feels like lead. "I don't need them," I say with a hard edge in my voice.
"Well, I'll sweeten the deal and add a free indoor exercising bicycle, all sponsored by Capitol & Co., of course," he insists. I feel poked at and mocked, my silent resolve stripped from me and replaced with fiery anger.
"Are you kidding me?!" I snap. "I can't use your bicycle or you're running shoes because I can't run or walk, or stand, or even feel my legs. I don't care about your stupid band or show. You make me sick, hearing your oh-so-special interview on the radio without a care in the world about all the pain and suffering people like me are going through." Suddenly, I feel my nose run and my vision blur as a steady stream of tears leaks down my cheeks. The fatigue and frustration of the last few hours finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I will never walk again.
Caesar Flickerman stutters a rattled apology, and for the second time, I try to end the call.
"Wait!" the soft, feminine voice from before calls out. Katniss Everdeen. "I'm sorry, we caught you at a bad time. Really, we didn't mean to offend. It's just that, could you look outside for me?"
I don't know why I do it, but all I can focus on is the soft cadence of her voice. My eyes once again travel through the window and the blue sky. A bird has now perched near it. Though I'm not an expert on birds but I feel sure, as I gaze on the deep blue ombre feathers, that this is a Mockingjay.
"I just want to thank you." She says. "Thank you for staying alive. Thank you for still being here for your family and your friends. I'm sorry this happened, and I can't even imagine how hard it is for you. But thank you, because it's a beautiful day outside, and it's become even more beautiful because you're still alive. So, thank you."
There was something so soft about it. So kind and warm were her words, and she spoke them as if she intimately knew me. As if thanking me for my life was something personal to her. Like a total stranger's life, my life was important and precious to her.
I ended the call as her voice faded. My tears became sobs and they wracked my body in succession. I stayed like this for I don't know how long until my father opens the door to my hospital room, finds me in my state, and embraces me. We stayed like that for a long time, him patting my back and I clutching him for dear life until the tears finally subsided.
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December 31, 2022. New Year's Eve.
I wake with a start. Sweat clings to my back, and my eyes open slowly to find myself in my sacred sanctuary. My room. My eyes roam along the shelves of books, half of which are cooking books, of course. Picture frames of my family are everywhere, too. My graduation. My brother's graduation. A picture of us a few months ago at this new restaurant down the street. Our faces are beaming with content. We were celebrating my brother, Rye's, meager tertiary role in this new indie film where he starred next to the famous actor, Marvel Clarke.
My eyes find the big poster hanging on the wall across my bed. A picture of my and probably the rest of America's favourite girl band, the 'Mockingjays'
At the left corner is Madge Undersee, giving her famous megawatt smile. Her blonde curls are pulled back in a ponytail, and her face is angelic and ethereal. No one can deny her beauty. She's a backup singer, main visual, and piano player in the Mockingjays. Her charm and cheeky humor have made her an absolute standout in interviews. A definite crowd favorite.
On the right corner is Johanna Mason, looking fierce with a bold red lip. She's the main dancer of the group and can play the guitar like it's the sole reason she was born for. She's a sassy girl with an interest in extreme sports like mountain climbing and skydiving. Many fan theories have pointed to her being half werewolf. This is because she keeps on howling at concerts like she's summoning a pack of wolves.
In the center is my girl. Katniss Everdeen. She stands like she owns the stage, and she does. Her long hair is in her signature braid, as she holds a microphone, looking ready to serenade the audience to their feet. She's the main singer and songwriter of the Mockingjays. Not to sound like a creep, but she's the love of my life and the savior of my life, too. Her phone call that day had encouraged me to hug my father back and to thank him for being alive with me.
It was later that day that the radio had done something for me again, one of the Mockingjays' very first singles off their debut album started playing. 'The Valley Song', I recognized her voice immediately and knew from that day on, I was a goner.
I have been a loyal fan of theirs ever since. Until the small fandom slowly grew and they became international sensations.
A figure catches my eye at my wooden desk. Sitting on the chair is my grandmother; this is not what draws my eye, but instead the glint of the most precious thing that I own that sits on her wrist. My Mockingjay watch!
"Grandma!" I say as I quickly sit up and reach for my wheelchair, depositing myself on it. My grandmother is a very precocious woman, affected by dementia; her mind has never really been the same as it was when I was growing up. Nowadays, she's been acting younger than a toddler. Taking things she shouldn't.
"Grandma, give that back," I say, wheeling myself toward her, but she's fast dashing out the door before I can reach her. "Grandma, I'm serious," I try to stern my tone, but it doesn't work. I don't know how to be. I adore my grandmother; she's one of my favorite people on the planet. We always handled her with care and tenderness, which is how I remember her being with me and my brother in our younger years.
Rye comes out of his room at the commotion and, like an expert thief, snatches the watch from her and gives a fat kiss on her wrinkled cheek. "Grandma, you know not to touch that watch." He says, "Peeta will go ballistic if something happens to it."
I roll my eyes, but it's true. That watch was a gift from my childhood friend, Delly Cartwright, she had gotten it from a director friend who told her that it was the watch of none other than Katniss Everdeen. Back then, the Mockingjays weren't as big as they are now, and Katniss had let off a couple of her things when she moved to New York. I have seen her wear it in old photographs, so I knew it was legit.
I'm planning to wear it later on when we get to the concert. I've been waiting for 7 whole months. It's the first concert that the Mockingjays will have since their 5-year hiatus. During this time, we didn't hear a lot from Katniss. Her manager says she's been taking some well-deserved rest, but now she's back. I've never been happier.
A knock at the door pulls me from my thoughts. That must be Delly. She's supposed to pick me up and drive me to the concert today. My designated driver, my best friend, who didn't turn her back on me even after I needed to be pushed around in this wheelchair wherever we go. I love her; she's my truest and oldest friend.
I hear her before I see her. "Peeta, let's go!" She says brightly. Delly's wearing a sparkly blue top and silver pants, her blond curls look like they've been sprayed with glitter. On top of them is a headband that says 'Katniss' in bright lights.
"Hold on," I say, she came so early today. "Let me just get a quick shower and get dressed, then let's go."
An hour later, we're in her car and she gives me the most diabolical news I've heard all week, all year, all my life maybe.
"Did you know an old friend of mine from the high school across from us met up a few days ago, and we were going through her yearbook. Then I saw the craziest thing ever. It was a picture of Katniss Everdeen. Apparently, they went to high school together."
She pulled up a picture of the yearbook from her phone, and it was Katniss. I've never seen her like this before. Her life before moving to New York was pretty much a very well-kept secret from the public; she never talked about it much. Many speculated that her family moved around a lot as a child.
It was undeniably her, wearing her signature braid. I gasped, this entire time, Katniss has been going to the school right across from mine.
"I can't believe it," I say, inching my face to the picture.
Delly's phone began to ring. "It's my boss," she says, "she's asking me to go back for an emergency surgery."
Aside from being the best friend in the world, Delly is a doctor at one of the most popular hospitals in New York City. "I'm going to die." She says dramatically.
"More like the patient is going to die if you don't go." I point out.
"Ugh. I'm sorry, Peeta, I have to go immediately."
"It's fine," I say. "Just drop me off at the nearest station."
She looks so disappointed. "I promise to get you a very blurry video of their performance of 'Nothing you can take from me,' which 70% of is just me screaming the lyrics," I tell her, shooting her a wry smile. The frown eases somewhat. She places her Katniss headband on my head and takes off.
There is no bus in sight. I'm starting to get nervous, but thankfully, 30 minutes before the concert starts, one does arrive. The traffic is horrendous, though. What started as a great day is starting to look a lot bleaker. But I stay positive, at least I'm in the bus, I told myself I'm on the way, it's fine, I can be late for a few minutes .
Two hours later, I'm getting down my stop when all of a sudden the wind comes at me and knocks the tickets right out of my hands. "No!" I shout. I am unable to chase after it. It's gone. I sigh, it's alright, I think maybe I can still convince them to let me in. Perks of being in a wheelchair, ladies and gentlemen. People feel bad enough to do things they shouldn't do for you.
But when I get to the door. It is shut tight. No one in sight. I'm devastated, until I hear the sounds of cheers recede as they quiet as much as they can for the next performance.
Down in the valley, the valley so low.
Late in the evening, hear the train blow
The train, love, hear the train blow
Late in the evening, hear the train blow.
My lips involuntarily tug upwards. It always has when I hear the familiar sweet cadence of Katniss' voice. The lyrics are loud and clear even outside. It's my song.
Go build me a mansion, build it so high
So I can see my true love go by
See him go by, love, see him go by
So I can see my true love go by
My voice starts to join her. Steady and hopeful, even after the events of the day. I'm alive , I think. It's so wonderful to be alive.
Go write me a letter, send it by mail
Bake it and stamp it to the Capitol jail
The Capitol jail, love, the Capitol jail
Bake it and stamp it to the Capitol jail
Roses are red, violets are blue
Birds in the heavens know I love you
Know I love you, oh know I love you
Birds in the heavens know I love you
Her voice rings out on the last note, and the song ends. I love that last part especially. Whenever she sang it, I always felt like it was just for me. Which I recognize is delusional of me, but a guy could dream.
It turned out I made it just in time for that last song because the next thing I know, the group is saying their goodbyes, and the concert has ended. I'm glad I made it, even if it was just in time for that one song. Too bad I didn't get that video for Delly.
The doors open, and I'm met with a stampede that causes me to drop my phone. Somewhere in the commotion, a nice lady pushes my wheelchair to the side and finds my phone a few feet away from me. Broken and cracked. I thank her and try to call Delly or my brother to come pick me up, but the phone is hopeless. Guess I'm going back to the bus.
I'm wheeling my way to the bus stop when snow starts to fall, causing a full-body shiver. I'm tightening the jacket around me when I notice a shadow over my head. I look up and see an umbrella over me, and Katniss Everdeen standing in front and holding it.
"Hey, you okay?" she asks. I was, now I can't breathe. Katniss Everdeen is standing in front of me, holding an umbrella over me.
She smiles, then takes from the inside of her coat a heat pad and passes it to me. "For your hands," she says. It's cold today."
"..Ye..Yeah."
This only makes her smile grow. "I'm a big fan," I say.
"I noticed." She tilts her head slightly to my headband. My face burns. It's her name in neon lights. Delly.
"I just...thank you so much for your music. It's gotten me through really tough times. I've been a fan since your first album. You have no idea the effect you had on me."
Katniss' expression softens even more. She looks like she's gonna say something, but then a car honks at the side. I recognize this car. Delly's face rolls down the driver's window, about to call out to me. Then she notices Katniss there, and has a full-on breakdown. Delly asks her to sign the side of her car, Katniss doesn't even bat an eye at this request, and readily does it.
She has to leave soon, though, as the driver from her car calls out to her. She turns to me, "I have to go." She looks like she wants to say more, but her phone lights up and a painful expression clouds her face. I want so badly to ask what it was, but I know it's not my place. She leaves with one last final smile at us.
Delly and I stare at each other for a full 10 minutes, starstruck after she leaves. Then we scream. Then we stare at each other. Then scream some more. This is easily the best day of my life. Delly drives me back home, and I thank her.
It's only a few minutes before midnight when my phone starts to chime like crazy. It's from my countless fandom group chats. Over the years, I've joined several Mockingjay fan communities. I check and see several links to articles that they've sent over.
"Is this true?" Johannamasonsuperfan34 asked.
"It can't be, she was just at the New Year's Eve concert a few hours ago," Madgeeeuwu replied.
I click on one of the links they sent. I stopped dead in my tracks as I read the title of the article.
"Katniss Everdeen, Global Superstar, Dead at 33."
I found another with an equally harrowing title.
"Secret Drug Addiction? A Close Source Talks of Katniss' Battle With Depression in Her Last Hours."
My eyes scan the page. The hotel that Katniss had supposedly been staying at had found that she jumped off the 14th-floor balcony. They discovered several drugs prescribed and non-prescribed in her room.
Another article titled "The Mockingjay Has Stopped Its Song" offers actual footage of a team of medics surrounding a woman, whose hair was in a braid, trying to resuscitate her. Even in the close-up, I can't determine if it is Katniss or not. Nevertheless, chills wracked my body.
I don't believe a word of this until I open the television and see the news. Claudius Templesmith, the news anchor, announces in his serendipitous voice the most haunting words I have ever heard. "The rumors are true. Beloved frontrunner of the band 'Mockingjays', Katniss Everdeen, was declared dead only a few minutes ago, this January 1st, 2023. What a devastating way to start the new year, folks."
Katniss was dead. Not only that, but according to these articles, she killed herself. Katniss, who was only smiling at me a mere few hours ago, jumped off a balcony and ended her life.
'It's a beautiful day outside, and it's become even more beautiful because you're still alive.'
What about that Katniss? I peered at the snow that now covered the streets, the falling snowflakes glinting like falling stars from the night sky. But the day was so beautiful today.
I had to go outside. I don't know where I'm going, just that I had to leave; it was getting difficult to breathe.
I wander around pushing my wheelchair, my body is cold, but I feel numb all over. My chair gets stuck in the snow and I can't move. I keep pushing until I fall, face flat to the ground. I shiver in the cold.
That's when I notice it. The unnatural glow of the mockingjay watch on my wrist, this is more than just the metal, and I know it deep in my bones.
I open the lid and see that it is giving light. Does this have a flashlight I don't know about?
Tentatively, I touch my index finger to the base of the watch. And suddenly, everything goes bright.
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August 31, 2008
My head bangs against the desk. "Ow!" I say.
"Dude, are you even listening to me?" a familiar voice asks next to me.
I look up and see my best friend, Delly, but there is something wrong with her. Her hair was in this awful bowl cut, and she had bangs! It reminds me of when we were in high school. She was so committed to making the bangs work.
“Delly..” I start with a smile, about to tease her. When I noticed something else. “What are you wearing?”
She had on a deep green tie and a white button-up with a laced ID. I know she doesn’t wear this to work. I look at her suspiciously.
“What do you mean, ‘What am I wearing?’, It’s our uniform.” My brows furrow, and I start to look around. The place looks very familiar, not in a nostalgic way, but traumatic way. I start to lose my breath a little bit, and my hands shake. I see old faces in the same uniforms as Delly’s. I’ve lost it. I have no more sanity.
I start to reach for the collar of my button-up and loosen it a bit. I’m wearing a button-up!
This does not calm me at all. So, I started to stand to walk outside. Hold on. I can stand?!
I look down and slap my knees. My hands leave a quiet sting. I can feel my knees. This is when they start to buckle. So, I stretch my legs and toes. Very much flexible. Very much feeling. I don’t believe it.
“Uhh, Peeta? Why are you standing up? Ms. Sae is going to be here soon.” Delly says, looking at me oddly. Well, young Delly. It has not just been her hair that has changed, but her cheeks also have retained their adorable baby fat that she worked so hard in her twenties to get rid of.
“Delly….” I trail off, not knowing what to say. Then a thought as striking as a lightning bolt struck me. Katniss!
She must be here. Or there in the other building across from us right now. I couldn’t help it, my feet started to run.
The halls of my old school run through my memory. I don’t remember them much, but this doesn’t matter because my feet knows them all too well.
It’s not long before I reach the entrance of her high school. At this moment, I recognize that this must be fate. Because I had no idea where to go next, but it doesn’t matter because she was suddenly right outside holding a bow and arrow in her hands. I watch her release the arrow, and it finds the bullseye. My eyes fill with tears, and I run to her.
The only reason she couldn’t stop me from embracing her was that she only saw me when I was a mere few steps away. I enveloped her in my arms, shut my eyes tight, willing time to stop so I can live in this moment forever. “I am so sorry.” I whisper, “I had no idea how much pain you were in.”