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I was trying to focus on the book. Just read the same sentence over and over again in your head, distract yourself. But my eyes kept moving up to her, reciting her favorite passages, fully in character. The pure joy and dedication radiated off of her. It was impossible not to smile. Then she ran toward me and pulled me up off the couch. “Amity, get up! Come on, do a scene with me!” She said as she handed me a copy of her azura book, heavily annotated, clearly loved. “You can be Hecate!” She continued, as our hands touched. Oh my Titan . My stomach started to flip.
This is fine, it’s just our hands touching. And that’s not a bad thing, I definitely don’t mind. I mean, her hands are really soft. Wait, we've been standing like this for too long.
“Oh, uh, yeah!” I stuttered out. “Great!” She responded.
Luz started reading, dramatic, but real, animated and strong. I was trying to listen, but, wow. And whenever we looked at eachother, she would look at me like we were the only thing in the world that mattered. I felt my blush start to spread to the tips of my ears.
Eventually, we both ended up on the couch, laughing at our renditions of our favorite scenes. Luz looked at me, a look of admiration in her eyes. “Wow, you are exactly how I imagined Hecate.” She said, my chest tightened at her words. “Well, you’re the perfect Azura.” I replied.
“Aww, thanks Amity.” She said, smiling at me. Then she yawned, and before I could do anything, she dropped her head onto my shoulder and cuddled up against me.
I became hyper aware of everything. My heart pounding in my chest, the goosebumps raising on my arms, and my face burning. She was asleep. On me. And she was adorable.
But she was asleep on me. Like she was cuddled up against me, completely touching me. I didn’t know what to do.
I’m not going to move because I love this, and she did it on purpose which must mean that she trusts me or feels comfortable with me. But as a friend, probably, maybe, I mean, I hope there’s something else there. But I’m probably crazy for thinking that. She looks so peaceful like she trusts me with her life.
No one had ever leaned on me before like that, not even my own family. She was warm, and it made me feel safe. She had this little sigh that practically melted everything in me. The small freckles on her face were adorable, perfectly framing the rest of her features. I realized then that I had been holding my breath for almost 2 minutes. I tried to relax and let it out slowly so I didn’t risk waking her. A brown curl fell on my face, and I instinctively moved it back before I realized what I was doing.
I am touching her hair. Ok, that’s not crazy, so why do I feel like I am about to explode!
I tried to distract myself again by paying way too much attention to an Azura book. On the cover was Azura and Hecate. Azura was holding onto Hecate as she blasted away an evil spell. It was one of my favorite scenes from the books. Just then Luz rolled over, one of her hands moved to clutch the side of my shirt.
I can barely take it, and yet I never want this to end.
I usually never let people this close, but I didn’t mind her. She was so warm, all the time. She never failed to make me smile, but also never failed to make my face go an embarrassingly deep shade of red. If I was braver, I would have told her how this felt. Even just the idea of liking her the way I undeniably did, was terrifying, yet in a wonderful, giddy way.
I should still be freaking out, but somehow I’m not. If she wakes up before I do I will absolutely die. But I think it’s worth it.
If this was a dream, I never wanted to wake up. I felt so seen, safe, and truly cared for by my Luz. My panic from earlier had quieted down. My jaws unclenched and my eyes started to get heavy. I worked to keep them open so I could keep looking at her. I gently rested my head on her, closing my eyes, as I let my sleepless nights thinking about her, catch up to me.