Chapter Text
Hermione had a long day at work, today. She’s tired, the only thing she wants is to go home, curl on her side, and let Ron hold her in her sleep. This is what she thinks of as she apparates on the front door of their building, climbing the stairs to their flat.
Theirs.
They worked hard to make it their home, filled with things they both like, a battle between Quidditch and books; Ron’s favourite trick objects that he stole in his brothers’—brother’s shop, and Hermione’s cat, that Ron still stares at with a weird look, even after all of those years.
“Hi!” she enters their home, and puts her coat on the hanger fixed to the door, with a mechanical gesture that sometimes makes her heart beats fast.
“Hello ‘Mione,” Ron appears, a big smile on his face, getting bigger when their gazes cross. How she loves him. “Did you already eat?”
“Yes, I have. We can go to bed now, if you want!”
“Of course,” he walks up to her once she gets rid of her shoes, and grips her waist, pulling her in a hug, “I was waiting for you.”
Hermione hugs him back, inhaling his smell, the comfort that comes with it.
“Love you,” she mutters in Ron’s sweater while muffling her yawn.
“I love you too,” he pets her hair, gently, digits scraping on her scalp, in the way he knows she likes, making her relax after a long day of work. Working in the Ministry isn’t the easiest job, but she still loves it. She feels useful.
“Go prepare for bed, silly head,” he kisses the top of it with a smile, and he lets her go.
She arrives in their shared room, and Ron is already in bed, a book in hand. He’s still not a big reader, but he took to enjoying it before going to sleep. She always makes sure to read them too, because she loves being able to talk about them with him.
Their bed looks like those of Hogwarts, big, comfy, four-poster bed. They never draw the curtains, but they like the memories coming with the fact of seeing them, and their bright red. She gets under the comforter, and Ron puts his book on the bedtable, turning to look at her.
He puts a hand on her lower stomach. She knows what that means. They’ve been together for long enough. But recently, she’s grown… uncomfortable at the thought of doing sexual things. Or more like, realising that the feeling she had at the idea of sex was something uncomfortable. She doesn’t think it has anything to do with Ron. She still loves him, and will probably do so her whole life, but… she doesn’t think of sex as something necessary to her love.
“Not tonight, I’m really tired,” she grabs his hand, keeps it in hers.
“It’s okay, do you want to close off the light and go to sleep now?”
“Please,” they smile to each other, Ron flickers his wand, and the lights shut down.
They both roll a little so as to end up in each other’s arms. Hermione falls asleep in minutes, trying not to think of what she will say next time Ron will want sex.
***
Hermione finally has a free day, so she decides it’s a good time to see Luna, Fleur and Ginny. She rarely has the time to see the girls these days. She knows she used to think badly of the first two, but she understands now that it was just a way to cope with her weirdness in school. Putting herself away, like she was better than any other girls. She’s way past that, now, and she embraced sorority, with the help of Ginny, now that she’s in a women-only Quidditch team.
“Hi girls! I missed you!”
Ginny hugs her as she opens the door to the three women.
“I missed you too! it’s been so long, between me and you, we never have a single free spot to see each other.”
Luna hugs her too, and Fleur bends down a few inches to smack two loud kisses on Hermione’s cheeks. Fleur is the only one allowed to do that.
“Come here, I prepared the tea, and Molly was even so kind as to prepare biscuits and cake for us when Ron told her I was seeing all of you!”
Hermione is so happy that she’s seeing all of them, she feels her heart rushes, and she wants to talk and move her hands, and just…! Yeah… she’s really happy she gets to see her friends for the first time in month. Owling is definitely not the same.
They all sit around the living room’s small table, comfortable in the couch and the armchairs. The conversation flows quickly, even more so with Fleur being better at English with each passing day. She’s so freaking smart, and it shows in every aspect of her, honestly. Hermione is still mad at herself for not seeing it sooner. She succeeded in putting a dragon to sleep, all on her own, at freshly seventeen, for Merlin’s sake!
They fire up about each of their works, their passions, their day-to-day life. Luna is currently working with Neville. He’s still working with plants, of course, and with Luna, they’re trying to find ways to make some of these more accessible, notably rare types of plants that feed rare types of animals. Each of them stays in the field they like, while still helping each other.
It's been a long time that they’ve all been thinking Neville and Luna would go really well with each other.
“Oh, no!” she suddenly said after having thoroughly described her work with Neville, “don’t you dare all look at me like that! It’s nothing like your little devil minds are imagining!”
“Really?” Ginny wiggles her eyebrows, “gotta admit I don’t really believe you, Lu…”
“I’m not…”
Luna chews off her lip in concentration.
“I… you won’t understand a thing, but I need you all to stop with that, please.”
She sighs, twirls her hair with a finger, before drinking a sip of tea.
“Neville and I… we’re not interested in a relationship.”
“Everybody wants a relationship!” Hermione couldn’t believe what she heard. It was… so absurd.
“We don’t… have romantic feelings towards people. We tried to convince ourselves it was the case, between us. Because everybody wanted us to be together. But we don’t love each other like that. And, the both of us don’t want sex either. We’re just not interested by that.”
“Oh…” exhaled Ginny. Hermione agreed. It was the weirdest thing she ever heard.
“But, we both like each other’s presence a lot, so we’ve started living together, in his Grand-Ma’s house. We each have our room, but we do things together. It’s great that way. We don’t want more.”
“I mean, if you’re happy,” Hermione couldn’t really think of any thing more to say. It’s just… well if they’re both happy, that’s what matters. That’s what Hermione wants her friends to have.
“Though, what do you mean you don’t want sex, either?”
Ginny was the one asking the question, and Hermione had to admit that she was curious about that, too.
“Well, we don’t… have the need to have sex? It’s like… all of you, your body wants sex—” Fleur and Ginny shared a laugh “—but ours… don’t? and we don’t feel that pull towards people either. I don’t see someone pretty and want to shag him. Nor someone I’m close with, like Neville. I just don’t need to. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try, but… yeah. I don’t really feel the urge.”
“Merlin knows I couldn’t live without sex,” chuckles Fleur, “but good for both of you, mon amour, as long as you’re both happy, like Mione said, it’s what matters, right?”
“Yes, I think it is. I’m glad you don’t think differently of me, now.”
“Well, I think it’s weird, but I’ve always thought of you as someone weird, so, I’m not too shaken up in my believes, you know?” Ginny laughs, and Luna does too.
You can not want sex? So… it’s possible?
Hermione spends the rest of the afternoon like nothing happened, but she could still feel it buzz in her mind.
***
It’s been a week since she’s seen her friends, and still, what Luna talked about couldn’t leave her mind. She resolved to owling her friend, because her brain wouldn’t leave her alone.
Dear Luna,
I couldn’t help but think back of our conversation of the other day, and what Neville and you are both feeling.
I wondered if those both had a name, because, as you know, I always love learning more.
Big kisses, I love you,
Hermione, your dearest
She hopes it won’t make her realise why she’s asking the question. Hermione just needs answers.
Luna takes her sweet time to answer… as always…
It isn’t really surprising of her, her brain is always jumping from one matter to another, and it gives her not a lot of space to remember actual things. Like answering Hermione. Who is in a really stressed state, mind you.
Is she normal? Is she not? Can only people like Luna be like that?
And even if she can be like Luna, what will Ron say? he loves having sex with her.
Hermione doesn’t want to lose Ron. He’s the love of her life.
Ok.
Hermione. Breathe in, breathe out. Nothing is happening yet. Everything is fine. Fine. Ron loves you too, he has no reason to quit you, everything is okay.
A knocking takes her out of her panic, she quickly opens the door to her small office (but she has one!) and finds one of her colleagues handing her a parchment.
“An owl got crazy about the letter it had to give, it’s for you. Hope it was worth the trouble,” he sighed. Hermione couldn’t wait for him to get out. As soon as the door closed, she opened the letter and found Luna’s messy scrawl.
Oh Gods, thank you! Finally!
Hello Hermione!
Sorry I forgot to answer! I was working on the experiment I talked to you about. Well, anyway, that’s not the subject.
Yes, well, I looked at the muggle things, cause, as always, they’re more socially evolved on that than us, and it seems like they call the lack of romantic attraction being aromantic, and the lack of sexual attraction, asexuality.
Took me time to find these, cause they don’t seem really common, I don’t know.
Anyway, if you have more questions, owl me, or come take a cuppa, because… well, I’m slow at letters.
Love you!!! <3<3
She made a doodle of a plant Hermione couldn’t be bothered to remember now. If she has a name, she can work with that. She probably understands bookshops and libraries better than Luna did anyway, so it would probably be easier for her to find what she’s looking for.
***
She had to wait for a few days before she could go to the library. She hopes she can find what she’s looking for. She doesn’t want to ask the lady at the front desk to help her, because she’s weirdly ashamed of what she’s looking for.
It takes her an embarrassingly long time to finally find the truly ridiculously tiny section where books on asexuality are hidden. They’re in a section called “LGBT”, they occupy less than three shelves, and are stuck in one of the darkest corners of the building.
Hermione leaves the library with five books in her bag. She takes the time to change their cover so it won’t intrigue Ron, and then, she shrinks them to fit in her bag.
When they get in bed, she throws herself on them, reading them with voracity. She struggles to find the parts she’s interested in, because they generally don’t talk only about asexuality, but just LGBT themes in general.
She spends a week, reading them until she knows all the words by heart, still trying to convince herself that she can’t really relate. That’s it’s not her.
But after all that time.
Oh Merlin.
She can’t deny it much longer, can she?
It makes her want to cry. Why can’t she be normal for once?
She knows she should come home, but she needs to go see the one who shook her whole world. She apparates to Luna’s house, knocking on the door, trying to hide the urgency she’s feeling.
The door takes a few seconds to open, and Luna looks surprised.
“Hermione? Are you okay?”
She ushers her in the house, moving her wand around, preparing tea as they want.
When they arrive to the couch, Hermione gets a tea in her hands, and Luna sits by her side, worried gaze. “I had a feeling you’d come, but I wasn’t totally sure.”
“Ahah, really that predictable, am I?”
Luna shakes her head, “No you’re not! Nothing like this!”
“I know, Lu, I know. We talked about it. I just… sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“It’s okay Mione, I don’t mind. You’re always welcome.”
“Lu, I think I’m… like you…”
Luna stops for a second, looking in her eyes, in a way that makes Hermione wants to squirm.
“I thought you loved Ron?”
“I do! not like you with the romantic…”
“Oh, you’re asexual too? how did you discover it?”
Luna takes it so lightly. Like it’s not… like it will not change everything in Hermione’s relationship with Ron. Ron, who she can’t stop thinking about marrying. She wanted to bring out the subject soon, but if he doesn’t want her like this? She can’t face the rejection after being fiancées, or worse, married.
“Luna! It’s… I can’t be that! What will that do to my relationship with Ron?”
Hermione doesn’t like to talk about sex, it makes her cheeks heat up.
“Oh, so you’re still having sex, these days?”
“Erm, no… not really.”
“And he hasn’t complained about it?”
Luna blinks, with her big clear eyes, borderline creepy, in that moment.
“N—no… but well, he knows I work a lot.”
Hermione looks away, she can’t stand her friend’s gaze.
“Ron loves you. As much as you do. He’d do anything for you. I’m sure you’re worrying for nothing. You should talk about it with him, and you’ll see. If he can’t accept you like you are, then, he wasn’t good for you anyway. It will hurt, but in the end, it would be better. And we’ll all be there for you.”
“I love him,” Hermione can’t stop her voice from quivering.
“I know you do, it’s going to be okay,” Luna hugs her, and Hermione can’t resist the comfort of it.
“Go home, alright? Ron must miss you. I’m here for anything you might need.”
“Thanks Luna. You’re a real friend, I’m glad I’ve got you.”
“I’m glad I’ve got you too,” she hugs her one last time, and Hermione took off.
She apparates quickly. Tries to remember what Luna told her. It’s going to be fine.
“H—hi!”
“Mione! I thought you finished work early today,” he walks towards her, happily, and he hugs her, “I missed you!”
She leans into it, her brain blasting it might be one of the last time, and she needs to enjoy it while she can.
“I missed you too. Sorry, I had more to do than I thought. I wanted to go home earlier, I swear.”
“It’s okay, don’t worry,” he smiles to her, lets her go so she can get rid of her shoes and coat, “I’ve prepared us dinner. Not anything fancy, I’m not my mum, but it should taste somewhat good.”
“You know how to sell your talents,” she giggles.
“Don’t I?” he grabs her hand and brings her to the table, already made, plates filled, probably enchanted to stay warm.
They eat together, Ron’s hand often finding his way to hers, a smile on his lips. Sometimes, when he smiles to her, like that, it brings her to Hogwarts, when he already looked at her like that, when he thought she wasn’t watching.
Of course, she was.
Oh, it’s been so long, she hopes it won’t end, she hopes it won’t end!
“Hermione, I—I… I know that you may see it as unreasonable, but I don’t think it is. So… I’ll ask you, and…,” he takes a deep breath, before getting up, he turns Hermione’s chair. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. What is this fool doing? He puts a knee on the floor, “will you marry me?”
He doesn’t open a ring holder, he’s just there, vulnerable. In love. And Hermione can’t find her words, because, of course she wants to marry him, but what if he’s the one who doesn’t want to marry her in the end?
“I—erm, I know I don’t have a ring… it’s just that… I wanted us to choose it together. So, I thought it better to wait.”
“That’s—that’s so… thoughtful…” Ron seems relieved, and she feels tears building up, but she doesn’t know if it’s because of fear or because of joy.
“I take it as a yes?”
“Yes! Of course, yes!”
They both get up, collide against each other, hug like nothing else matters, ever. Oh Merlin, how she loved him.
She has a moment of realisation over that.
People like to have sex, when they’re happy.
When they’re super happy.
They like to—
And Hermione doesn’t want to.
She guesses, she could do it, if it came down to it. She could. She just… she doesn’t really take pleasure in it. She doesn’t want to.
“Ron!”
He hums in her neck, kissing it fervently.
“I’ve got something I need to talk to you.”
He gets away from her neck, looks at her with worry.
“We’re not breaking up, right? You’ve just said yes!”
“No! No. We’re not breaking up. I just… have something I need to say to you. It’s important that you know it.”
They walk to the couch, and despite her words, Ron still looks worried.
“I… don’t really know how to say it.”
“Just… say it? It’s okay. Even if it’s a critique about something I do, I can hear it. If I want to be your husband, I got to… to do things correctly. And I want to be your husband.”
Her heart clenches with how much she loves him. It’s inhumane, all that love.
“I’m… asexual.”
There’s a silence. Ron’s face changes.
“You’re a—what?”
“Erm, sexual as in sexual, and ‘a’ as in… a privative prefix. In Latin. I don’t… I don’t want to have sex. Not with anybody. It’s not against you! I just… don’t… enjoy it. Not really. Nor do I feel the urge to have sex. Apparently, it’s not the same for everybody, but well, I haven’t really looked in all the details yet, I probably will, at some point. Because I like to know things, and I don’t want to be bigoted, I want to know, I want to be sure, and I don’t want to hurt anybody. And yes, my experience is probably unique to me, cause we’re all different, you know?”
Another silence. Ron looks at her. Like he’s waiting for her to say something else.
So she does:
“It doesn’t mean I don’t love you! Because I do! so fucking much. Really. But I don’t want you to marry me, and have expectations I can’t meet. I just—”
She doesn’t know what else to say, and Ron looks at her, can’t stop, apparently.
“Is it like this because… of someone? Someone who would have… hurt you?”
“No!”
Ron has a sigh of relief.
“Nobody hurt me like that. It’s natural. Just the way I’m wired. Another quirk of mine,” her tone gets bitter, she can’t help it.
“I love you, you know that? I probably wouldn’t as much if it weren’t for your quirks. They make you unique, and—they make you who you are. The woman I love.”
Hermione has to blink back tears.
“You’ve got to be sure of you, Ron. You can’t act like you’re okay, and then, throwing it to my head, alright? I need… I need you to accept it. Fully.”
“I—of course I will. I won’t ever hurt you. I just… I’m not sure I understand?”
“I’m not sure I understand either, if we’re honest,” she has to raise her hand to wipe her tears.
“Mione! Don’t cry, oh no, sweetie,” Ron gets closer, brings his thumbs under her eyes, before wiping her tears for her. “I won’t leave you. I don’t care if I never have sex with you again, as long as I can have you. I—I have a hand after all, it must serve a purpose, right? We’ll have all the rest together. All the love. And anyway, it’s already been a while since we had sex. It’s okay. I will always love you, Mione. I can’t imagine a world where I don’t love you.”
She can’t help but throw herself in his arms. She doesn’t know how to express all the love she has for him. It’s too much. If she was into sex at all, she’d probably have shagged him right there and then, on the couch.
“I know you said I shouldn’t cry, but you shouldn’t be so sappily romantic if you don’t want that to happen!”
Ron hugs her, close, close, so close, Hermione feels safe, so fucking safe, and like all her worries just got lifted off of her, all of a sudden.
“Thank you for being who you are, Ron. You’re amazing.”
“Not more amazing than you,” he brushes her hair, like he loves to do.
They stay here, for an unknown amount of time. Hermione’s heart is full of love, full of joy, and she wants it that way forever. And she knows Ron will always be able to make her feel that way.