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Long before leaving for the train station, Remus Lupin was regretting everything that had brought him to this point. He must have been insane, taking this offer from Albus. It had been the one promise he'd managed to keep throughout the entire war, to never return to the forsaken place. Not once. Hell, he hadn't even been back in the country for long since the end of the war- getting a one way ticket overseas wasn't as difficult as he'd presumed it would be. It wasn't a perfect life, bouncing from job to job and living paycheck to paycheck, but he had his little cottage tucked away in the woods and that was enough. Well, until the whole "if you're a dark creature you're getting deported" law that the magical community in the states signed into action forcing him back to Europe, to the ground once stained with ash and blood of those who'd fallen in the destruction of a madman. And it hadn't been even twenty four hours before the job offer landed at his feet from the man he once considered a friend. How foolish, really. But he did owe him, so he took what little he had and hopped upon the closest train towards Hogwarts.
Locked away in the last car of the motorcoach, Remus had wedged the window free and open into the looming night, watching as the smoke from his cigarette disappeared behind them. The venomous bite of the nicotine did little to fight the chill of the August air, but who would he be without it? He brought the stick to his lips, taking his time before puffing the smoke back out the window. Perhaps, he wondered, he'd be lucky enough that no one would recognize him for his younger self. It hadn't been long since his graduation, after all, so the teacher's changing was a doubtful problem. Not like he'd even make it through the year anyway, if he was lucky.
The last of death's kiss crumpled to ash in his palms, spiraling away with the wind outside the train car. Instead of lighting another, perhaps a wiser choice, Remus shut the window tight. If he kept going like this, he'd be out of cigarettes before the school year started, something no one wanted to see. Rather, he pried his aching form from the bench he'd claimed hours ago at the beginning of the journey, placing his jacket down as a pillow and lying against the cushion. One day post full moon left his body a complete wreck, but the show went on regardless of how alive Remus truly was to the world around him. After all, what did his presence matter without the others who became his family? He wouldn't make an impact on anyone's life, wouldn't aid students the way he desired to in their studies, would do nothing but teach, grade, and repeat.
Why did he agree to this?
~
"Albus, you cannot be serious." Severus Snape tapped his wand against the third silver cauldron in his lab, watching the brew's smoke easily drift from silver to purple like it was supposed to. A minor success to combat the major annoyance in his doorframe at the current moment, one with a silver beard and a head beginning to be hit with one of his cauldrons. A smile graced the old man's lips as Albus Dumbledore floated further into the potion masters' private brewing lab, paying no mind to the various potentially deadly brews around him.
"Severus my boy," Albus started, placing a gentle hand on the bat's shoulder. "We have no other options at the current moment, unless you would wish to see a repeat of last year's choice."
The thought of another wixen like Gildeory Lockhart coming to teach at the magic school brought a visceral reaction over Severus, who yanked his arm free from the headmaster's grasp. "The answer is still no. I refuse to waste my time, patience and ingredients on a disgusting mutt just because you were so desperate to hire him. That monster does NOT belong in a school near children."
The older wizard simply crossed his arms over himself, giving Severus a curious glance. "And yet, people said the same about you and here you are."
"Those are two completely different scenarios." Severus hissed, placing several of his potions under stasis or timer charms as he moved about the space. "I am not a dark creature by the law's definition."
"Some would consider man to be the first dark creature of them all." Albus sighed, stroking his beard with the glint in his eyes that raised Severus' blood pressure up thirty percent higher. "Either way, I'm afraid we have no choice but to use you as his brewer. The school board denied us utilizing any outside brewer, including from the Ministry due to our, well, new body guards."
How could Severus forget about the soul-sucking creatures floating above and around the already dim and depressing castle, sucking what little joy was left in the staff as each day ticked closer to the start of the next school year. All because some idiot escaped from the biggest and most top secret security prison in the entire wizarding world and wanted to put a bloody end to a thirteen year old boy. Even growing up dealing with that pathetic asshole, this was a new low for Sirius Black to strive for. Frankly, Severus had never seen Albus so furious as the day Minster Fudged waltzed into a staff meeting and proudly claimed that Hogwarts would become one with the Dementors. Minerva's choice of words was much more expected, though still quite entertaining. Still, knowing that Severus was going to have to see the wolf again drilled a pit through the bottom of his stomach and the earth's core itself.
"If it makes a difference, my boy," Albus spoke, catching Severus' attention once more, "the school will provide the ingredients and financial compensation for this extra addition to your duties."
"I would not have taken less." The first of the timers went off, sending Severus across his lab to a pearly pink solution. The shimmer reflected softly, with just enough light to masquerade its cruel nature. With an infrequent grin, Severus rolled his sleeves to the elbow and donned his gloves, slowly bottling the brew in his crystal vials with utmost precision.
Albus said nothing more, simply gravitating towards the door and pulling it shut behind him. He had rather hoped that this school year would be a calmer one, aside from all of the outer world's distractions.
~
Remus had made it to Hogwarts by nightfall the next day, having turned down Minerva's offering to meet him at the station. The longer the walk, the more his brain had a chance to think, something he felt he wouldn't get much of once he arrived. The bitter fall chill bit at his face, digging at the fresh scar's from his transformation earlier in the week. He'd try to cover them up both with magic and muggle intervention, but the crimson red of blood still shone through on his worn complexion no matter what. Moony paid them no mind, but was too distracted with the smells of the world around them as they walked.
Home. Moony echoed in the back of his mind, catching the scent trails of his favorite places amongst the edges of the forest. If Moony hadn't been quite a menacing creature in his mindscape, Remus might've found it rather charming how a scary werewolf could be so pup-like. Moony had handled the war better than he after all, taking the forefront of his actions when he could physically not.
Pack?
"Sorry Moons'," Remus murmured under his breath, feeling the wolf whine with displeasure. "Sirius doesn't have good intentions now, and Peter and James are still... well, dead."
The poor wolf still struggled with death, locked away in his brain to watch but not understand. A frigid gust brought Remus's cloak tighter around his worn form as he approached the outer boundaries of the castle's barrier. The Dementor's overhead paid him no mind, the one benefit to this curse he had found. Dark recognizes dark, befriends it.
The iconic emerald green of Minerva McGonagall's robes greeted him from afar as Moony howled with joy at the familiar smell. She hadn't aged a day, aside from the extra gray strands in her dark hair and the years of wisdom etched into her face. But the same eyes of a lion greeted him with a smile as he stood in front of her. Minerva nodded in solemn satisfaction, reaching for Remus's hand. "There you are. I was beginning to think about sending a search party."
Remus chuckled, shaking her hand with a gentle touch. "Moony wouldn't let that happen; too many things he's missed."
"Good to know he's in good shape still." Minerva pulled him through the wards, the magic of Hogwarts singing with joy at the return of his presence."Don't tell me you worried, Minerva." Remus hummed, shaking his head in faux distress. "You might be loosing your edge."
"Me? Losing my edge?" Minerva laughed, shaking her head as the two entered the castle proper, large doors clanging shut behind them. "Maybe your time away has made you soft, Lupin. Someone must keep Albus in check, or we'd have a whole meal of those awful jelly beans he so enjoys."
The tastes retched on the back of his tongue, even Moony whining with disgust. "Spare me the details. That would truly be a horror of hellish proportions." He felt the breath leave his lungs as he followed the Head of Gryffindor towards his classroom across campus. "Though, I wouldn't quite agree about my time in the states."
“Well, I for one cannot wait to hear your tales from across the ocean. Had I know you’d been there all this time, I would’ve let Elizabeth know.” Minerva shook her head, tapping her wand against the door of a classroom Remus remembered far too well. “Has Albus gone over everything with you yet?”
“For the most part.” Remus shrugged, slowly setting his bags down out of the way. His steps echoed off the empty walls of the daunting classroom. His classroom, for now. “I didn’t know you and Elizabeth were still seeing each other. It’s good to see some things haven’t changed after all this time.”
The pink on Minerva’s cheeks was hard to ignore, though she waved away Remus’s words as she headed for the door.. “She’d have to try harder than that to be rid of me by now. I’ll leave you to get settled in and we’ll touch base later this week about lesson plans.”
The nod came without Remus realizing it, smile etched on his face long enough for her to shut the door. The sigh deflating his lungs burned with need as he fished another cigarette out of his pocket, cracking open one of the large windows on the side of the classroom and taking a long, hard draw. One puff for every thought and ache of regret as stepped through the empty halls of Hogwarts, too many spots unchanged from his younger years. One for every word left unsaid.
~
As much as he would rather be elbows deep in brewing, or even sorting through his ingredients closet, Severus knew there was no way in hell he was getting out of the staff meeting. The last time he had tried, citing the pursuit of a potentially new brew, Albus had nearly destroyed his entire lab in the process. Severus hadn’t been able to replicate it sense, and was not willing to risk any future safety on dodging a short meeting. So with a huff, and an extra flaunt of his cloak, Severus emerged from his dungeon lab towards the central area of the school, weaving by the staircases to reach the large conference room often used as a study room for the students. The sooner he got there, the sooner this could all be over with and he could go back to actually being productive with his time.
"... he seems so different." Minerva's voice echoed from the near empty room as Severus paused by the open door. Slowly moving backwards, he laid his disllusionment charm, having a sinking feeling who his collegue was discussing. A higher pitched 'tut' was the only sign of movement as the echo of liquid against china brought forth more information.
"We still don't know how much damage the war did on him though." Filius Flitwick's retort cut through the silence as the two heads of houses sipped their drinks. "You and I both know he was a lot closer to the Potters than even Black was. The three of them going into hiding destroyed him."
"I'm aware, Filius. and we both knew that he would disappear after the anti-creature laws passed the following fall after You-Know-Who's defeat. But the states wasn't exactly what I had expected... especially after Albus told us all he fled to Greece." Minerva's words were strict, calculated. She was hiding something, Severus could feel it.
"Either way Minerva, it's none of our business. Remus Lupin is a smart man, one who has kept himself out of trouble and for one year will have a bed, real meals, and constant access to potions to better aid his survival. What he chooses to share-or not share- with us is up to him." Filius's cup sat gently on its saucer, the clink barely audible in the silence. "I know you still care for the boy."
"... they were just kids, Filius. Dragged into a war that they had no reason to be in until it was too late."
"And that was their choice. You cannot keep beating yourself up over their choices. What's done is done, it happened. We cannot go back and change that, no matter how much we want to. And believe me," Filius' voice stood firm against Minerva's words. "there isn't a day I see Potter, or Longbottom, or any of our students affected by that war and don't wish to make things right. But we can't. All we can do is teach them to be better, and hope they will not repeat the mistakes we've made."
Severus took his cue to enter, removing the spell and swooping into the conference room. "Must we have these cursed things? It's not like much actually changes around here."
"Good to see you too, Severus." Filius filled another cup, setting it in front of Severus' usual chair. "Have you heard the news?"
Taking a small sip, Severus glanced at the Ravenclaw with a glare. "Unfortunately, I am aware of the wolf's return to his stomping grounds. Black must need an inside man to get the job done."
"Severus." Minerva sighed. "Can't you at least try to look at the bright side? You're brewing a potion you don't typically get to make."
"Pity."
"Sour already, Severus?" Pomona chuckled, adding herself next to Filius with a sigh. "Can't say I'm surprised, though. The Dementors clinging to the grounds have tested even my resolve at this point. What makes anyone think Black would come here in the first place?"
"You musn't know then," Filius passed another cup to the Hufflepuff, "Remus Lupin is this years Defense professor!"
Pomona nodded, taking a long sip of her drink. "Good for him. I always told Minerva he would've been a wonderful teacher. I even offered him a trial run with me."
"A wolf working amongst plants?" Severus rolled his eyes. "Like a bull in a china shop."
"Glad to see you're still the same after all these years, Sev."
Severus turned to the door, the fumes of nicotine and wet dog fresh against the aroma in his cup. Remus Lupin stood merely inches into the room, making not a move to join them at the conference table. The wrinkles and bags under his eyes seemingly doubled his age to the naked eye, but under those surface kinks was still the brain of a man at thirty-three. A worn, aged leather jacket hung around his skeletal frame, barely hiding the patchy brown cardigan sweater fraying at the waist. Remus ran a hand through his golden hair, now streaked with shades of gray and thinner than before, slowly stepping towards an empty spot at the conference table. “Professor Flitwick, Sprout, you both look wonderful today. I assume Minerva already informed you about my arrival?”
With a flick of his wrist, Filius sent a cup and saucer down to the wolf, sat on the other side of Pomona. “It’s wonderful to see you again Mr. Lupin. Isn’t it, Severus?”
If Severus’s eyes weren’t screwed into his skull, they’d simply roll out with how hard his eyes rolled back in annoyance. “Simply dazzling.”
One scared hand reached up, covering Remus’s mouth as a small laugh of sorts emerged from his lips. “Same old Severus Snape, sarcastic as hell.”
Severus went back to his drink, refusing to indulge the insolent wolf any longer as the rest of the Hogwarts faculty wandered into the conference room. Exchanged pleasantries were overshadowed with the return of seemingly everyone’s prized pupil within the wolf across the table, even as Albus finally took his seat at the head of the table. How could they not see what Severus could? One person being blind is a probable, risky coincidence. But an entire faculty, near worshiping the ground this wolf walked upon like he was the next messiah? What spell could the man have casted that Severus could not detect, strong enough to manipulate even the strongest spirits and souls but leave his away from that very same bliss?
“Now that everyone has, well, seen the thesteral in the room.” Albus spoke, gesturing to Lupin with one hand. “Please welcome Professor Lupin as this years Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. With his Doctorate in Dark Arts Defense and Diagnoses and both of his Master’s in Ancient Ruins as well as Numerology, he will be a solid resource for building a strong foundation in our first year students as well as our fifth and seventh years as they prepare for their examinations at the end of the year.”
“Thank you, Headmaster.” Lupin smiled, canine’s slightly emerged under his top lip to catch the overhead candle light. “I expect this year to be quite a success for the students and their understanding of the ever changing field that is Defense Against the Dark Arts.”
Sucking up to the Headmaster already? Severus nearly puked.
“There is one other major issue we must discuss today, in preparation for the first day especially.” Albus sighed, the usual twinkle in his eyes dimmed to a simple glow. “Our ‘guards’ and the possibility of Sirius Black approaching Hogwarts to reach Mr. Potter.”
“How do we even know if the man’s a threat?” Aurora Sinistra’s voice echoed from the opposite end of the table. “What would it serve him to go after Harry Potter? Pardon me for not believing every word that comes out of The Daily Prophet without hard evidence.”
“Sirius Black was there the night James and Lily died.” Minerva spoke, a bitter taste hanging in the air off of her words. “He was the mole informing You-Know-Who about the Potter’s moves and aided him in entering the Potter home the night they died. After which he chased poor Peter Pettigrew and gave into the Black Family Madness, murdering Pettigrew as well as an entire town’s worth of muggles. If he truly has escaped, then he is heading for Harry, the last piece of his master’s puzzle that was never put into place.”
“The Dementors will be in place outside of Hogwart’s borders for as long as it takes to see Sirius Black either be returned back to Azkaban, or until they can confirm his death.” Albus redirected, unrolling a log of parchment down the table. “I have made some modifications to the current time schedule to allow more time between classes. Your students will have to be walked to their next class, moreso if the class falls outside, but that time will also allow you to be better prepared incase they do something… unexpected.”
“You’re expecting them to go haywire.” Poppy Pomfrey crossed her arms over her chest as she looked towards the front of the room. “You’re expecting them to try and attack the students.”
“Our knowledge and research on Dementors both as creatures and the magic that is within them is vastly limited still,” Remus turned towards the matron, hands sat firmly in his lap. “But there is no guarantee that they will be kept out by Hogwarts and her magic. It may not happen, or they may push the boundary until it breaks. For all we know, it could only take one student traumatized enough to project the feeling where their hunger overtakes their task.”
“Severus, you’ve an extensive background in Dark Arts and Creatures, what’re your thoughts on this?”
“Unfortunately, Poppy, the idiot wolf is correct in this circumstance.” Severus held his tongue as more unpleasant words rose near the tips of his teeth. “If the students are left outside unable to fend against these creatures, we could end up with a massacre that would otherwise have been easily prevented.”
“I’ve added the extra time into your schedules. As I know you all can cast a Patronus Charm, we should have no issues in maintaining the safety of the student body as they fulfill their educational pursuits, social desires, and outside of class enjoyments. We will continue to re-evaluate how everything progresses and if we need to further restrict students access to the outdoors.”
“Can’t we get one year without something catastrophic occurring?” Filius shook his head. “Merlin, that feels like too much to ask, but apparently we have to.”
“We must put faith in the Aurors, many of who are previous students of ours, to do their job and remove Mr. Black before he continues to endanger himself and the rest of the Wizarding community.” Albus’s smile was forced, not reaching his eyes in the slightest. Severus could tell that much from a mile away without thinking at this point in his career, having put up with enough of Albus Dumbledore’s shenanigans before now. “That’s all I had to speak about this afternoon. Anyone else?”
The room could not have been dismissed fast enough. While the others crowded once more around Remus Lupin and worship the ground he stepped on, Severus belined for the door, slipping free like the snake he supposedly was. Without anyone seeing him, it was rather simple. Child’s play, even. And rather than risk a run-in on the main stairs, Severus slipped into one of the schools’ many secret passages. He pressed his hand to a tile in the wall beside one of the many snake statues, feeling the tile nip him before slipping inside the opened passageway. The darkness of the old passage wrapped her arms around Severus in a comforting gesture, locked around his throat and mind without dragging him below the surface. Why did he have to come back? Why?
Severus made it to the middle of the passageway before reaching a platform. His knees shook, bringing him down the floor as the darkness swallowed him whole, comfort long gone and replaced with a dread of hidden desires. That wolf, that damned idiotic, inconsiderate, rude, opportunistic, smart wolf- NO! Severus would not let his brain wander down that dark path he locked away almost fifteen years ago, one that nearly brought him to ruin and led him into this darkness in the first place with his grief.
He needed to breathe, to think, to plot and ploy at how to destroy this wolf in his side once and for all. But his head spun with the smell of nicotine, locked back in fifth year and smoking cigarettes on the roof of the Astronomy tower, stargazing and spying the constellations that could not be seen in the city or the country in their purest form. The ache in his chest, gripping at his heart as he locked his lips on Sev’s, teeth ever slightly a tease as those slitted hazel eyes dove deeper into his soul-
… fuck.
~
By the time Remus was alone once more, Severus was already long gone and Moony was ready to switch with him and rip someone apart. Not that the excitement from his former teachers, now colleagues, didn’t fill him with some sort of joy, but even he had his social limits and had quickly been pushed to that edge within five minutes of that meeting ending. Any hope he had of finding the man was quickly diminished. But the echoes of his empty classroom and even emptier personal quarters did nothing to tempt him, leading him against his better judgement and into the outer courtyards. The looming sky overhead did little to dissuade Remus as he tugged the leather jacket closer around his thin frame against the whipping wind, the scent of a storm on the horizon.
It wasn’t as if Remus wasn’t aware that Severus was here- he knew he’d be seeing the man long before he took this position. Even from the states, Remus had followed Severus’ professional journey as article after article infatuated the magical community overseas. He tried not to in the beginning, with heart break as fresh as he felt merged with his grief led him drowning in the depths of bottles, strangers beds and even someone’s pool one time. But the longer he tried, deprived of the intellectual that had once brought a viscous infatuation over his soul, the temptation to learn became a poison in his blood. Every accomplishment, every win that Severus had been granted in a very overdue life, left Remus excited yes, but the urge to see him, to have him back, sunk bitter into his depths.
That was the final thing to convince Remus to take this job in the end, knowing that Severus could be just steps away. He hadn’t want to leave the states, not really. It had given him the fresh start he had so desperately craved all those years ago when he fled Europe. Traveling around all of the main forty-eight states, learning and breathing new cultures, intoxicating to someone like Remus. Moony had loved it too, able to front and enjoy life the way he should without needing to fear for his safety in Remus’s body. In the beginning, at least.
Where? Where scent?
Remus pushed Moony back on his butt, muttering under his breath with a frown. “Not here Moons. Be patient. The likelyhood of him wanting to see us is unfortunately little.”
The drizzle that slightly coated Remus as he walked around the outside of the castle had now monstrously grown into a full on storm, thunder rolling in the distance as it approached closer to the school. And yet, he paid it no mind, the water and chill doing little to cut through him any more than it had before. Rather, forgoing any sort of shelter charm, he simply lit another cigarette from the jacket’s pocket, bringing it to his lips. In reality, the entirety of his logic in taking this job, moving back to Europe, mostly for the chance to see a man who more than likely wanted nothing more than to slit his throat was extremely flawed and rather creepy in retrospect. But by the time Remus had come to his senses and that conclusion, it was far too late. He still remembered getting that dreaded letter, crashing on the couch of a friend of his months ago. Izabelle had nearly throttled him when he tried to turn the offer down.
~
“Remmy, are you fucking insane?” Izabelle had grabbed the letter from his hands and stood over him, glaring into the depths of his soul. “You’re given a golden opportunity on a silver platter to not only get out of this place for your own safety, but be guaranteed a paycheck, food, and a warm bed for the next year and you’re going to say NO?”
Remus had grabbed the letter back, tossing it onto Izabelle’s coffee table as he stormed past her into her kitchen. “You know it’s not that simple.”
“Like hell it isn’t!” Izabelle stood between him and the coffee maker, arms crossed over her chest. “Remmy, you deserve some good fucking luck. ‘Cause as much as I love you, if I have to hear one more sappy ass story from you about who you left behind, I’m gonna beat your ass.”
“I almost killed him, Izzy.” Remus ran a hand through his hair, ignoring the fluffs and near clumps that came with it. “Me and my so-called friends almost killed him. And then to turn around and go ‘hey Sev, sorry about almost ripping your throat out when we were kids. By the way, I’ve always had the hots for you and would like to bone you in the nearest closet if that’s okay.’ is not exactly a great idea.”
Izabelle took hold of Remus’s hands, lacing her fingers with his. “Remus John Lupin, we’ve talked about this. And I know you’ve been over this with Dr. McVayla, but you guys were kids. Was it still stupid and incredibly dangerous? Absolutely. But you’ve been beating yourself up over it ever since I met you, and you’ve been nothing but kind. You made a mistake, and you’ve been working to be a better person ever since, right?”
Remus could only nod as Izabelle continued to drill into him. “And you know that this guy may never forgive you, and you can live with that. But you care about him still, and until you get a definitive answer as to whether or not he likes you, you’re never gonna make peace with yourself.”
“... did you have to lecture me like that?” Remus sighed, shaking his head. “You and your stupid bachelor’s degree."
“Yeah yeah bitch about it all you want. My point still stands.” Izabelle put the letter back in his hands, closing his fingers around the parchment. “You should take the job. And if everything goes wrong, I’ll come get you and beat the shit out of the guy, I promise.”
That brought a laugh past his lips as Remus shook his head. “You would take one look at Serverus and keel over. Not to mention, I certainly don’t have enough reserves to pay your bail.”
~
Lost in thought, Remus found himself back at the front of the castle, stamping out his cigarette as he attempted to dry himself with his wand. Night had fallen over the castle, another day closer to the start of the school year and one less chance to try and speak with Severus. As his wet shoes echoed off the floor as he tramped to his quarters, the last breaths of nicotine dissolving into the cold chill of the castle, Moony’s lone howl's in the back of his mind as he stopped in front of the Quidditch display case. He remembered when it was installed, how thrilled James was to have his name in lights as both one of the best Seeker’s in Hogwarts’ history, but as Captain as well. Near the left side of the case, four familiar faces laughed back at him as Sirius tackled James into a big hug, nearly toppling him onto the grass. Poor Peter was stuck pushing on James’s back to keep him up right, and Remus had plucked the trophy from James’s failing grip as the four celebrated. A fond, yet bittersweet reminder of what the war had ripped from him, what made him flee in the first place.
“Keep dripping water everywhere and Filch will have your head.”
Remus glanced up, the glass reflecting a sinister scowl that brought a strange warmth over the chilly hallway. “Severus. I didn’t expect to see you up this late.”
“Humble isn’t a good look on you.” Severus shook his head. “Then again, neither is nicotine.”
A snort of sorts was the only response as Remus turned to face the bat head on. “Do you require something of me, Severus? You’ve made it, well, rather clear how much you detest my employment already. I can’t imagine you’re speaking with me by choice.”
“Why are you here, wolf? Need your old stomping grounds to let Black finish the job? You did always lap at the back of his heels.”
“Seriously, Sev? Are you kidding me?” Remus bit his lip, trying his best to maintain his composure, even with Moony ready to rip into the man. “I understand you’re not happy with me being here. I get it, truly. And if I had more choices, I wouldn’t be here right now either. But I don’t. And for the sake of the students, can’t we be civil? You can hate me all you want, I deserve it all. But what Sirius has done can never be forgiven.”
Stepping forward towards Severus right now would be a foolish risk, but one Remus was willing to take as he moved himself forward. The closer he got, the more his body flushed as he locked eyes with the man he hadn’t held in almost ten years. And unfortunately for Remus, Severus had grown into his features in a handsomely unfair way- dark eyes glaring into the depths of his subconscious with such a vicious hate that made Remus understand why so many people loved the ‘villain/anti-hero’ characters in novels, black hair framing his sharp face ready to cut through the opinions of idiots. And with that same face now mere inches from his, once familiar eyes now cutting through his soul, the words seemed to flow from his tongue without thought. “Sirius would be a fool to ask me for anything. Harry may not know me, and he won’t get that chance to, but I wouldn’t put my nephew’s life in danger. Unlike you, I give a fucking shit about the people in my life. I don’t throw them back when life gets too tough or scary.”
“Right, of course, that’s why you only left me a letter. Not even a good-bye, after years of running around like teenage monsters and engaging in affairs that should’ve gotten us killed.” Severus hissed.
“Oh yes, because you had no problem reminding me what kind of a monster I am.” Remus’s arms came up on instinct, pinning Severus back to the wall like they’d done so many times before. “Even when you could do nothing but scream-”
“Shut it!” Severus slapped his hand over Remus’s mouth, ignoring the brat as he drew his tongue against his flesh. “And stop that. Blabber any more about our foolish antics and the entire staff will know by breakfast in the morning. They’re chatty gossips, and not the kind on our side.”
Remus rolled his eyes, flipping the man off with one clawed finger as Severus dragged them down the stairs into the cold damp of the dungeons, his own territory. The moment his hand left Remus’s mouth, both dug into the collar of the other’s shirt, using a surprising amount of hidden strength to press the wolf to the wall. Moony was having the time of his life, and Remus quickly came to the conclusion that he had not nearly enough cigarettes to get through the school year if this was already happening. Before Severus could get another of his sarcastic insults in, Remus clasped his hands on both sides of the other’s face, drawing him into a kiss fueled in a longing and desperation that he didn’t quite know was still there. It had been almost a decade since he tasted his bat, felt the man’s lips quiver against his own as his fangs dragged against their sensitive flesh. Cold hands dropped him, shoving him back against the wall once more as Severus stepped away, flush bright against pale cheeks that send a thrill down Remus’s spine.
“Severus-”
“Remus John Lupin, shut the everloving fuck UP this instant or I will personally see that you not only not make it through this school year, but do so with an extremely less amount of organs.”
That was a new one. Perhaps, Remus frowned as the bat began to pace, he might’ve acted too much like the idiot teenage monster he truly once was.
“Why did you leave? The real reason this time, none of that ‘I was going to be deported’ shit either. You and I both know Albus would have kept you here.”
The question snapped Remus out of his daze, bringing his brain back into reality as Severus had his arms crossed over his chest once more, though slightly more frazzled than before. He glanced down, just briefly, at the glowing lines of his veins across the palms of his hands. The soft, jagged scars laughed in his face, zipping his lungs shut as he could only stare at Severus in a mute plea. Smart man that he was, another thing Remus loved about him, Severus caught the direction of his gaze, quickly rushing forward and taking hold of his hands with a keen eye. One thumb dragged across the larger of the scars sent a shocking bolt down Remus’s spin, enough to draw the full picture in Severus’s mind.
“He made you?”
“He promised to keep you safe.” Remus murmured, unable to meet his former lover’s furious face. “He had the money to bail you out, to get you the best lawyers, everything I didn’t. He would give you a job, a shelter, set you up for the success that you so deserved after every goddamn shitty card you’ve pulled Severus.”
“Wolf-”
“No Severus, I don’t regret it. It hurt me, losing you.” A broken chuckle escaped his lips with the bitter howls of Moony’s anguish. “But I can’t keep a job. My intelligence is useless in this world when all anyone will ever see of me is a monster deserving death. I can’t provide you the life that you so deserve. He could. And you deserved that more than I deserve you, even now. You’ve flourished, grown into a cruelly handsome man-”
This time, it was Severus moving faster than light, but instead of the anguish and need that had come from Remus’s lips, a longing lost beyond words and time stepped forward, bringing the two men into its sheltering, comforting embrace. Like pieces in a puzzle, the two still fit so well after all the years, the fights, the scars, melting into a pile of spoken and unspoken emotions. Time stood still, but oxygen demanded they separate, Remus sporting his own flush as he gazed upon Severus with a broken smile. “Severus-”
“Don’t get this fucking twisted, Remus.” Severus jabbed a finger lightly into the wolf’s chest. “I do not forgive you for what you did. Especially when you knew I never gave a flying fuck about how hard our life could have been. I have every right to be furious with you right now, and you have a lot to make up for. But I will be damned if I let you leave again without me being the one to kick your ass out myself. Got it?”
“Yes sir.” Remus chuckled, barely able to send a wink before Severus threw his hands up in a mock defeat.
“Merlin’s Beard, men! Can’t live with them-”
“- can’t live without them.” Remus’s hands slipped down to Severus’s waist, drawing him back into his warmth. “I missed you.”
“Because I must be such a catch.” Severus sighed, letting himself indulge for once in a red moon and enjoy the attention. “No one can know about this, got it?”
“Of course… if you’re up for some late night company?”
Remus hummed with a smirk James Potter would’ve been both proud and mortified of as Severus took his hand, practically dragging the man towards his personal quarters at the back of the dungeons. Perhaps there was hope for them yet. After all, crazier things had happened, and as Remus had found, Hogwarts had a habit of making crazy things come true.