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Jey was celebrating his boyfriend’s birthday, like any reasonable person, only he was celebrating with thousands of people in the same room. It was odd doing something so intimate with so many people watching, and it made his anxiety skyrocket.
Which was probably why he was in this situation to begin with.
He held up the cake and let the camera person get a shot for the audience before the cake wobbled a little too much because of Jey’s shaky hands and plummeted to the mat.
Jey tried to play it off, running back towards Cody and his frosting-covered face, pointing at the rectangle of despair, and jokingly claiming that a ghost did it. Cody didn’t seem mad at all, even laughing with Jey and claiming the ghost had it out for him, but Jey knew better. Cody was mad that he’d embarrassed him. Why wouldn’t he be? Roman was always embarrassed of him, always yelling at him, always criticizing him for little mistakes, always punishing him for being small. Only things he deserved.
He felt it then, the slow loss of control over his limbs, the familiar fuzziness in his brain. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem, but he didn’t want to be little while he was getting punished.
They got to the back, and Jey instantly braced for the cold remarks, the screaming, even a hand across his face. He’d take it, he had to. He was still fighting off his regression. He knew he couldn’t take it while he was little. “I’m sorry about the cake, uce,” he mumbled as Cody swiped frosting off of his face with a finger and licked it off.
Cody turned to him, a small smile on his face. “Huh? Don’t be. It was an accident.” He gave Jey his signature bright smile, his eyes squinting a bit. He didn’t look intimidating at all, especially with the frosting around his nose that he was still wiping off, but Jey knew better.
“Still,” he said, shrugging, “wanted it to be nice for you.”
“And it was.” Cody grabbed Jey’s shoulders and turned him, and soon Cody and Jey were face-to-face. “I loved it. And I love you.” Cody leaned his head in and rubbed his nose against Jey’s, making him giggle. “Now we both need to wipe our faces off.” Jey looked down, not trusting his words in such a small headspace, and Cody let out an ‘ah!’. “You little?” Jey nodded. “That’s okay, baby boy. How about we get right to the hotel?” Jey nodded again.
Jey knew he was putting on a show, knew that as soon as they got to the privacy of their hotel room the switch would flip, and Cody would teach him a lesson. No Jimmy to protect him now, just him at the mercy of whatever Cody wanted to do.
After navigating the seas of people wishing Cody a happy birthday (and teasing Jey), they finally made it into their rental car. Cody unlocked it and opened the driver’s side door while Jey stood by the passenger side. Roman sometimes made him walk back to his hotel even while he was in little space. Sometimes it would be a mile away, sometimes snow or rain, but that was preferable to riding with him.
“Jey!” Jey turned his head towards his boyfriend. “Aren’t you going to get in?”
“O-oh. You want…yeah, okay,” Jey said, scrambling into the car and managing to shut the door on his own, but fumbling with the seatbelt in his anxiety.
“You want some help, Jey?” Cody asked, but Jey kept trying to pull it down himself. Tears sprung to his eyes. He should be able to do it himself, he shouldn’t need Cody to help him. Hell, he didn’t deserve his help at all after dropping his cake.
Gentle hands pulled his away and pulled the belt out easily, and Jey watched as Cody buckled him in. “You can always ask me for help, Jey. I’ll always help you.”
Jey shook his head. “Don’t deserve it.”
He looked up and saw Cody’s heart shatter. “Sweetheart, you always deserve help, okay? Always.”
Cody started the car, and Jey wondered what he would do. Maybe punch something to show that he could hurt Jey? Or maybe hit Jey himself? The speeding and swerving were a must, though, a staple of every car ride with Roman.
Much to Jey’s surprise, they got to the hotel without incident. His hands shook with terror as Cody guided them through the halls and to their room.
As soon as the door closed, Cody turned to him. “Did I do something wrong?”
Jey blinked. “What?”
“I know we’ve been…this for a while,” Cody started, gesturing between them, “and you never seem that comfortable around me, not like when you’re big. Did something happen with one of your old caregivers?”
Jey shook even more. Cody stepped closer, his blue eyes becoming glassy, and Jey curled in on himself. “I’m sorry, Roman.”
Cody stopped dead in his tracks. They stared at each other for what felt like hours, daring the other to speak first, before Cody finally broke the silence. “Did Roman hurt you?”
Jey didn’t answer, terrified of both lying to Cody and what he’d do if he found out and telling the truth in case Roman and Cody needed to team up again in the future.
He made himself as small as humanly possible, his breath hitching, his eyes filling with tears. He was too overwhelmed to function, too scared to even think. He tried apologizing again, but all that came out were broken syllables that made no sense.
Jey didn’t know how long the attack lasted, but when he came to he was against Cody’s chest as the older man whispered to him and kissed his head. Jey managed a weak “Coco” and the blond stopped his movements. Jey tensed, and Cody resumed.
“You don’t have to tell me everything,” Cody said against Jey’s temple, “I think I can figure out what happened between you two.”
“Was little then too,” Jey mumbled against Cody’s chest. “Roman thought it was stupid. He always punished me when I messed up. He didn’t care if I was little or not.”
Jey thought he heard Cody mumble ‘jackass’ under his breath, but he wasn’t big enough to care. “Roman never helped me like you do. I had to do good, but I was never good. He hit me sometimes. Only when I deserved it.”
“Jey, sweetheart, you never deserved it. None of it. You don’t deserve to be hit, ever.” Cody sucked in a breath. “I just…” he trailed off. “I don’t know why you’re this scared now.”
Jey nodded, pressing himself further into his boyfriend. “Never messed up with you before. Never had to be afraid.”
“And you never have to be again.”
Jey pulled back a bit and looked at Cody. “But-”
Cody shook his head. “No, no buts, little one. You didn’t deserve anything that he did to you. You’re safe with me, I promise.”
Jey sniffled. “I messed up, though. You’re not mad?”
“God no.” Cody let a tear fall as he tucked Jey back into his chest. “I’ll never be mad at you, my baby, especially not mad enough to hurt you.”
Jey relaxed, but he didn’t fully believe Cody. There had to be some kind of limit, right? There had to be something that would get him to crack.
“We still have frosting all over us,” Cody said, and Jey lifted his hand up to his nose to check.
“We gon’ wash it off?”
Cody nodded. “Of course, baby. Do you want me to help you?”
Jey studied the blond, seeing nothing but love in his eyes. “Please Coco?”
Cody nodded. “I’ll help you, baby.”
Cody got up, and Jey whined at the loss of warmth. He held his hands up, wanting Cody to pick him up, but quickly thought better of it and put them back down. Cody was already doing enough for him, he didn’t need to do this too.
Cody reached under his armpits and picked him up anyway, earning him a squeal of delight from the little. He burrowed his nose against Cody’s shoulder as the blond walked over to the bathroom. “Love you Coco.”
If Jey could see Cody’s face, he would see the biggest grin and the happiest tears. But he couldn’t, so Cody instead turned the sink on and said, “I love you too.”