Chapter Text
Maybe it started on October 2nd, 2018, outside the —back in the day— Big Hit building. It was just another training day for Jay, nothing special about it... until night came. He had finished dinner with the other trainees a few minutes ago, but for some reason, he was still around the building. Call it destiny or coincidence, but that was the first time he stayed so late in the area.
Then, there he was.
A younger boy, a few inches shorter than him, with black hair and a face mask covering everything but his big, curious eyes. He looked confused and lost, standing alone in the middle of the street.
Jay noticed the BigHit keychain on the boy’s bag —so he’s a trainee here too— which made sense if he’d stayed late practicing, but was rare considering Jay should’ve known him. Jay was a social butterfly; there wasn’t a single trainee or staff member he didn’t know, and vice versa. Yet, this boy was a complete stranger.
“Hey, you need some help?” Jay took off his hat to seem less intimidating as he approached. The boy turned toward his voice immediately.
“Oh, good night! Sorry, I swear I’m not doing anything wrong just trying to figure out how to get home safely,” the boy explained, his voice sounded a little bit younger than Jay’s.
“It’s okay, I’m not a guard or anything. Just a trainee, like you, I guess.”
The boy’s eyes widened. “How did you know?” He sounded amused now.
“Keychain.” Jay pointed at his own bag, and the boy's eyes wide open in realization. “So, what’s the problem? Can’t find your way back?”
“Right! Well… I stayed late practicing since it’s my first day, and I forgot the buses stop at midnight. I don’t have money for a taxi, so I’ll just wait for the first train in the morning.”
Jay stared at him like he’d just said the dumbest thing ever. “That’s at 6 AM.”
The boy shrugged. “Don’t really have another option. Guilty of my actions I guess.”
It was confusing. This kid was seriously planning to stay on the streets all night, in the cold, after a full day of practice—and he didn’t even seem worried.
He’s insane… But then again, he’s a BigHit trainee, so it kinda makes sense.
Without hesitation, Jay pulled out his wallet and handed the boy enough cash for a taxi.
The younger trainee looked speechless or at least that’s what his eyes screamed at Jay.
Before he could protest, Jay insisted “It’s money I don’t need— not like it sounds!” He fumbled, suddenly nervous for no reason. “I went out with friends earlier, and this is just leftover cash. Take it and get home safe.” He ended up sounding awkward, mentally cursing his lack of social skills.
Then, the sweetest, most genuine laugh he’d ever heard spilled from the boy’s lips.
Is this the laugh that makes fairies be born, like in Tinker Bell? Jay’s brain thought, at the most random moment. But it was true —he’d never heard a laugh so… Like that. He was enchanted. Should I adopt him as a little brother? he wondered.
“I’m not a homeless person, I can’t accept this,” the boy tried to refuse politely, but Jay pushed the money toward him again.
“I just want to make sure my hoobae gets home safe. You can pay me back later if you want, but take it for tonight, yeah?” His words were sincere. There was no way he’d sleep peacefully knowing a fellow trainee, someone who could’ve easily been him in another life of moment—was stuck waiting alone for dawn after a long-day practice.
The boy hesitated but finally took the money carefully,
“Thanks. I’ll put it to good use.” His eyes crinkled into two fine lines, like he was smiling beneath the mask.
Jay didn’t get to say anything else. His dad’s car stopped to a halt across the street, window rolling down as his father yelled, “Kiddo, what are you doing out so late?! Your mother’s worried—get in, I want to sleep!” Jay hadn’t even realized how late it was.
He turned back to the boy. Originally his plan was stay with him until he gets a taxi but—
“Thanks, sunbae. I’ll pay you back when we see each other again. Go home now I’ll grab a taxi soon.” He sounded sincere, so Jay nodded after a deep breath.
“I’ll take your word… Good night.” He started towards the car.
“Good night, Taxi Fee Hyung!”
Nowadays, that cute younger boy had become his leader—their leader. The leader of their group, where all seven of them debuted after I-LAND. It had been a long journey, but here they were.
Without realizing it, they'd gotten along well during I-LAND. After that October day, they'd never crossed paths again (which seemed impossible during their two years as trainees, yet it happened).
Jungwon -whose name Jay also hadn't known until the show- remained like an NPC in his memory, because only Jay could have a whole conversation without learning a name.
But it wasn't until months after debut that they realized who they were to each other.
“How romantic!” Sunghoon joked when the story came up at dinner.
Jay choked on his drink. That damn ice prince.
Across the table, Jungwon looked unfazed, eyes crinkling with silent laughter.
“You think?” The leader asked, looking at him.
Jay played along. “Maybe...which means you owe me a date with the money I gave you!” The table erupted.
“After all your dates? You don’t need another one,” Heeseung added, and everyone nodded.
“It’s not like that!” Jay protested.
“Hyung, anyone with eyes can see this glue between both of you” the maknae teased.
This kid...
As conversation shifted to Sunghoon's hair and Engenes' reactions, Jay's mind stayed.
The worst part? They were right, and Jay didn’t care.
He loved their private universe. Loved how their chemistry had become something unbreakable. But it was... Strange how things happened.
Jay knew from the very beginning how incredible Jungwon was. Without even knowing him, Jay wanted to get to know him. When he saw him on stage, how determined he was despite his age, Jay admired him.
Jay admired him in an uncomfortable way.
Did Jay want to be him? Don’t know.
Did Jay want his abilities? Don’t know.
Did Jay want him? A thought-provoking phrase, but still don’t know.
Did Jay want his attention? Maybe. And that ended in a ‘I want to get along with him’.
Yes, that’s what Jay wanted. To get along with him and, maybe, be friends.
Their journey in I-LAND was very hard. The members, the other boys, the practices, the Ground. Everything that now seems so far away was their reality at one point in their lives.
Still, Jay wouldn’t change how things turned out.
Jay still remembers to this day how easy it was to approach Jungwon —even without knowing he was the young boy who owed him money from that day in 2018—. And even more, how easy it was for Jay to fall for the boy’s charms. He was sweet, hardworking, talented, cute, funny…
At that moment, Jay remembered what his mom once told him: “You’re a good boy, Jay. Maybe naive sometimes… You should surround yourself with people who inspire you to be better, not just people you like.”
And yes, at that time, Jungwon was his biggest inspiration. It might sound crazy, but seeing a younger boy rank higher than him and keep most of his fanbase even inside that damn Egg Program was admirable.
In every way possible, Jungwon inspired Jay like no one else ever had.
After one week practicing together, Jungwon was crying for everyone there! And when Jay had to go to the GROUND, he was the one who comforted him, promising he’d be back the next week. And that’s what happened after the ‘FIRE’ performance.
When the big egg revealed the boys in I-LAND, all of them had their arms open, ready to welcome them… But Jay’s eyes were searching for Jungwon’s, and when he realized Jungwon was looking for him too, he got scared and ended up hugging Taki and Sunghoon first.
Later that day, Jungwon approached him and said, “I’m happy you kept your promise, hyung.” Then he went to his room.
Yes, Jungwon had this power over him from the beginning.
No one understands their relationship, not even them, because it never felt weird or forced. It always felt like something made in heaven, like it was scripted.
At first, Jay was scared that teamwork would be hard or awkward after the show, with everyone having their own friends… It could’ve gone badly. But it was really nice. Not perfect, but their real bond started forming from day one.
For him and Jungwon, it was never like that.
Of course, their relationship grew deeper, but… Jay doesn’t know since when, but he started needing to debut with him. They made a promise, they had this chemistry Jay didn’t want to lose. He felt selfish when other participants were eliminated, but deep down, he was relieved it wasn’t him or Jungwon.
He doesn’t know when or how his mind and heart changed from ‘I want to debut with K-hyung so badly’ to ‘If you get kicked out, I’ll break this egg and leave with you’. He felt guilty, but he felt complete when Jungwon got 1st place in the final episode of I-LAND.
When they hugged, he never wanted to let go. They were officially in the same boat from then on.
Years after that moment, Jay still thinks about Jungwon like he did back then.
Or even worse.
Jay doesn’t know why or how he thinks about Jungwon the way he does.
That day, he was in his personal studio at the HYBE building, brainstorming. Lately, he’d been practicing songwriting; he had a lot to express and share with his fans, so the better he got, the better his work would be tomorrow.
Not to sound too confident, but he was already pretty good with instruments and guitar stuff… Melodies, backing tracks, that kind of composition suited him well. But expressing himself? He was a mess.
Then his phone startled him with a notification from the ENHYPEN group chat. It was Heeseung:
‘LOL, I never realized how often Jungwonnie calls for Jay until videos like this show up on my TL.’
Attached was a TikTok link.
It was a short compilation of moments where Jungwon says “Jay hyung” for no reason.
Jay would give Heeseung that, he’d also never realized how often Jungwon said his name on a daily basis.
Was he as important to Jungwon as Jungwon was to him?
The thought made his stomach twist.
‘Guess he loves his Jay hyung,’ he replied in the group chat.
As the others started texting, he opened TikTok again; maybe watching some videos would inspire him to finish his first full song.
But in seconds, his feed was full of Jungwon… and a few of him and Jungwon together.
For a moment, he felt like a spectator of his own life. ENGENEs were very… creative and detail-oriented. He knew about shipping, of course, but when it came to him and Jungwon, those things made him nervous.
He knew they were both very friendly and spent most of their time together, but they were just really good friends. A friend he couldn’t live without.
Most of the edited videos were very romantic, very intimate... To the point where he, one of the main subjects, felt like he was intruding.
But one video in particular caught his attention.
This one wasn’t an edit, but rather an inside joke about how everything a boyfriend would do for his partner, Jay does for Jungwon. And the worst part? It made sense.
Cooking for your special one? Jay does it for Jungwon.
Singing for your special one? Jay does it for Jungwon.
Sticking together like glue? Jay. Does. It. For. Jungwon.
It was true—Jay had never dated anyone, but he had Jungwon… which was pretty similar.
His throat suddenly tightened.
If love and relationships were supposed to be like how he treated and saw Jungwon… then he’d figure out how to express it.
Because spending time with him gave him energy to keep going. It felt dangerous. It felt unique. For Jungwon, he would do anything and everything. At the end of the day, they were meant to be together—brothers who’d stick by each other no matter what.
They were supposed to meet at SM, but it didn’t happen. They met before I-LAND without even knowing each other’s names, then crossed paths again on the show, ending up in the final group.
And now he was stuck with this for the rest of his life.
Not knowing what he was doing. Not knowing what he felt. Not knowing what to do about Jungwon.
The deeper it went, the more it felt like inhaling helium.