Work Text:
Warning : Heavy spoilers of the COE33 story.
Silence. Unwavering silence. Crushing silence.
How long has it been? Since everything broke apart. Since their whole life shattered in raging fire. Since yours went down with them.
How long has it been, since everyone left ? Each mourning in their way. Everybody running away. Clea left for war, seeking revenge, avoiding the manor as much as she can. Aline, Renoir and Alicia? Them too, at war. Only, in their own mind. In a shattered dream. A once beautiful painting. Aline unable to accept her son’s death, trapped herself in this twisted memory of reality. Renoir, knowing that this behavior will only bring her death, also trapped in this sad dance. Unable to leave without Aline. Unable to let her kill herself. But forgetting his two daughters, who also need him. And Alicia, sweet Alicia. Guilt ridden Alicia. Deeply wounded. The scars on her body, a reflection of the bleeding wound in her heart and soul. In a coma, medicine induced sleep. For the time of her recovery. The skin has to mend. After that, she’ll have to heal the rest.
And you.
You weren’t there when the catastrophe happened. You arrived after. You were a friend of the family. You’ve stopped counting the years you’ve known Renoir and Aline. The three kids, you considered them like nephews. You heard of the incident some weeks after. As soon as the news reached your hears, you ran to their manor as if your own life was on the line. You did not know much. Only that there had been a fire. A huge fire. And that their house had been its target. When you arrived, nothing felt real. The beautiful house and its garden were black and white, burnt and covered in ashes. Not everything had burned, in fact only a small part had been touched. But the atmosphere was so heavy, it felt unbearable. Sick with worry, you had called out your friends’ name.
Renoir !
Aline !
For a time you were met with silence. Then, finally, a sign of life emerged from the heavy doors of the manor. Renoir. You saw him before he saw you. The sight broke your heart. He was a mess. His face worn out by flowing tears, sleepless nights, suffering. Mouring. His face screamed death. No. You couldn’t bear the thoughts. Surely it hadn’t been that bad. The fire didn’t even destroy everything ! It couldn’t have taken a life… could it?
You ran to Renoir’s side. His eyes widening as he finally noticed you. For a moment he did not believe you were there. You were supposed to be away on a business trip. Had the news already spread that far? He came back to reality when he felt your hand on his. His eyes regaining focus. Locking in yours. “Renoir” you murmured. It was these simple gestures, this deep empathy from the heart, bleeding into a touch, an expression, a look in the eyes, a word spoken with care. He felt himself break again. You almost thought he would fall. He almost did. You took him in your arms, supporting him. The silence was loud. You were thrown back in time.
Everyone has their weak side.
Renoir was no different. You both met in school. He wasn’t the best painter back then. He struggled quite a bit actually. And you were absolutely bad at it. You two quickly got along. Some years after, you met Aline. She was by far one of the best painter of your generation. She helped you two to get better. Renoir managed to grow incredibly skilled thanks to her. You on the other hand… Well, you managed as well as you could. But you knew you’d never be able to reach their level. It did not stop you three from becoming close friends though. Over the years you became inseparable. Of course, deeper feelings bloomed. But you never acted on them. Because you saw them fall in love with each other. You let time do its work. Feelings of love returning to friendship. Stronger friendship, but it couldn’t be more. You cared deeply for them. You had went through a lot with them. With Aline. And even more with Renoir. After all you did know him first. You had both laughed together. Cried together.
“Verso, he is…”
His voice trailed off. Unable to say the words.
You understood.
And you cried.
Cried together.
You accompanied him back inside after that. You stayed with them as much as you could in the following days, weeks. You ended up loosing track. You saw Aline close herself off from the world. You saw Renoir desperately trying to help her. Trying to help his daughters too. Trying to canalize Clea’s anger. Doing everything he could to get the best doctors at Alicia’s side. You saw Clea grow cold toward her family. Her anger growing. Toward her mother whom left her to deal with her responsibilities. She did not understand why she did not fight back. Why she deserted, running away from everything, entrapping herself in her misery. She grew angry with her father too. As he tried to mend everything back together, he did not have time to seek revenge with her. More so, he did not want it. He did not want Clea to do so either. He couldn’t bear to lose her too, he said. But Clea would not be satisfied until those who hurt her family, took her brother, would suffer too. Renoir and Clea fought over that. And they too, broke apart. Renoir, powerless in front of his daughter’s poisoned resolve. And Alicia, in a coma.
Eventually, it went from bad to worst. Aline remembered Verso’s only painting. And she hid in it. Never to come back out. At first Renoir was worried, then he became terrified. He knew the cost of their powers. The toll that staying in one’s painting took on their body and mind. If he did not do anything, she would kill herself that way. Consumed by grief and denial. You were worried too. Both of you tried to find a solution. The only one you found was to go and force Aline to come out yourselves. It wasn’t the safest solution, but what choice was there? Renoir was set on it, and you did not want to let him go alone. Who knew what would happen. You couldn’t bear to lose both of them in that painting. So you went with him. And you fought with him. But you were way too weak in front of Aline. You quickly got expulsed from the canvas. The wait to recover your strength was unbearable. Each days passing without any of them returning killing you inside. A bit more each day. You took care of Alicia in their absence. And you tried to reason with Clea. It was fruitless, so you simply resolved to taking care of her too. It was all you could do. You tried to enter the painting again, but to no avail. The chroma inside had amplified since then. You couldn’t even enter it without feeling crushed under both Renoir’s and Aline’s energy. Time went by. Days stretching. Eventually, you simply brought your things in the manor. Settling in. You had to be there when they’d be back. When Alicia would wake. But after too long, you lost patience again. That was it, you had enough. They had to come back out. And if Aline wouldn’t come out, at least Renoir had to. He would kill himself too. This had to stop. Alicia and Clea needed their parents. Better one than none at all. And neither them nor you would be able to take another loss, much less two.
“Alicia, I know you do not hear me right now. I’d write it all down on a paper for you to read when you wake up, but with what happened, it is best I don’t. I wouldn’t even know what to say. I truly hope you will not wake up while I’m gone. I hope I’ll be able to bring back your papa before that. But if I don’t… You all mean a lot to me, you know that, right? I love you, mon enfant.”
You stood up from Alicia’s bedside, and left the room.
Breathing heavily, you stared at the accursed painting, bracing yourself. This is going to be though. But come on ! ‘I am not that weak ! I can do it’, you told yourself. And so you went inside the painting.
Everything had changed. You did not recognize the world you had seen when you first entered it. It all seemed… broken. Distorted. Searching for Renoir took so long, it almost took all of your energy. Just for that. But your will was strong. So you pushed through. Monsters had appeared. Everything was chaotic. But you ended up finding him. Or so you thought. When you saw him, he was changed. As if he too, had decided to live here.
“Renoir, is that you?”
“(Y/N)”
“What happened? Don’t you know how long I’ve waited for you two to come back?! Where is Aline? And why are you dressed like that?”
The more you talked and observed him, the more unsettled you were. But your own anger was also flaring up. After all everyone has their weak side. You too were finally cracking. You too, had feelings. You too, were suffering.
“I am not the Renoir you seek.”
A silence. Then your face got somber.
“I knew Aline was skilled. But to do that, even for her. Yes, you are not him.”
“Oh but I am him. Only, Aline’s version of him. And the more I live, the more I become me. And less him.”
“You are too cold to be him.”
“Maybe I am.”
That was an odd exchange. It felt extremely uncomfortable. You wanted to take Renoir in your arms so badly, and he looked so much like him. But he was not the real Renoir. Not your Renoir. Aline could keep playing pretend with this twisted version of him, but you wanted the real one back.
“What did you do to the real Renoir?”
“Me?”, mirror Renoir rhetorically asked, “I did nothing to him. Aline though… See this monolith? She trapped him under it.”
Your blood ran cold. Or hot. You were both worried sick for his health. Goodness in what shape must he be? And both angry at his foolishness. If he was stuck, it meant he lost too much chroma already. How could he put his own life on the line like that? What good would it be if they both exhausted each other to death ! You made your way to Renoir’s prison. After meeting with Mirror Renoir, you never met any trouble again. It was as if Aline wanted you to find Renoir. Of course she did.
Finally, you found him. The sight pierced your already wounded heart. He had been inside the painting for so long, his painted body had started to decay. His face was still there, but the rest of his body was full of cracks. You ran toward him, a mix of relief, sadness, fear and anger tight in your chest.
But this time, he stepped back.
And you stopped in your track.
He knew why you were there.
You understood his decision by his step.
He saw your eyes shooting arrows at him. He understood. You were angry. He too, had abandoned you. Just like Aline. He had left his family behind to try and save his wife. Family for family. There was no winning side. But he couldn’t leave now. Aline was stuck too. It was only a matter of time. Only a matter of time until she would be forced to leave. To go back to reality. And then he would take care of his daughters. He would do everything to repair the wounds his absence had caused. But not until Aline was safe and sound too.
“But it isn’t the only way! You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to save her. You can’t sacrifice yourself. Your daughters need you. Clea, Alicia. I need you damn it. We, we can go out, come back with reinforcement. The other painters can help.”
But it was a lie. Truth was, no one was willing to help. No one wanted. No one could. They did not have the time. With the ongoing war between artist, it was too risky. No one was willing to risk so much for a broken family.
“You know, you were never good at lying.” He smiled sadly. An ebauche of a smile, really.
You stepped toward him again. He did not move. But you did not dare get too close. If it had to come to it…
“Renoir, please. I beg you. Just, come out. I can’t bear to see you and Aline kill yourselves like that. It’s killing me too.” You extended your hand. Hoping he would take it.
Silence stretched again. Longing eyes locked in each other. He hated this. The pain in your eyes. How he wished you could all rewind time. How he wished to be in his garden, sat by Aline’s side, with baby Alicia in her arms. How he longed to see his wife’s smile as Alicia watched with big eyes her brother and sister laughing with you as you told a funny story you knew so well how to create.
“I am sorry, (Y/N), you know I can’t.” But it was only a dream. A wish that would never come true. And all he could do was try to mend the cracks. Try to bring back his family together again. And for that he had to save his wife.
The refusal cut the air like steel. It stung like the thorns of roses.
You both knew neither of you would give up. You both understood the other. But you were both convinced you were right.
So you fought.
Although Renoir was weakened by relentless fighting, you were not Aline. You were tired, and he was still stronger than you.
As you fell, he caught you in his arms. You were starting to fade away, going back to the world you belonged to. The world you both belonged to.
“Don’t… Please, do not hate me. I know you understand.” Yes, you understand. But it doesn’t stop you from hurting. “But if you must… I know I hurt you. To keep pushing through. You can hate me. I’ll take your anger. As long as you take care of my daughters. I know it is selfish of me to ask you this. But, I have to. Give them all of the love I know you have. As for the rest, the pain, anger, sadness. If you need someone to bear it, I’ll take it for you.”
You can’t, you wanted to say. But then, your eyes opened. You were back. Without him. Without them.