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“Hey, Kang Yoongi.”
Yoongi stopped half way up the stairs. He wasn’t expecting Euigyeom to call out after him. Not after he acted like the other meant nothing to him. Like he was just a tool in his long coming dream of revenge.
“Could you let me crash at your place tonight?” Euigyeom continued. “I ran away from my father to see you just now.”
“I guess you can do that.” Yoongi replied, turning to walk away again.
Euigyeom trailed behind him, keeping quite a distance away. He wasn’t sure what they stood on. Yoongi did apologize and explain, yet, he couldn’t bring himself to forget.
He wasn’t perfect either. He aided Yoongi in his personal vendetta. Maybe because he wanted to help his friend or he just wanted to feel like he was taking back something from others for once. He couldn’t even thank Yoongi for the cassette player.
Euigyeom put on the headphones he was clutching in his hand. His finger hovering over the ‘play’ button as he watched his friend.
The friend who fought someone alone to get his brother’s Walkman back. The one that fixed it for him. The one that cared and stayed, even after Euigyeom failed to deliver justice on his behalf.
Was it really so wrong to seek judgement when no one else did?
They reached a large housing estate after walking for a while. It didn’t look the oldest. For some reason Euigyeom imagined a run down place at the edge of the city. This one was perfectly average.
When Yoongi was punching in the code to the door, Euigyeom touched the wound on his own face. Yoongi’s clothes were bloody and he was beaten worse than the other. Did he live alone? There was no way his parents wouldn’t notice any of this.
“Are you coming in?” Yoongi asked quietly, holding the door open.
They snuck in, Yoongi pressing a finger to his lips in a silencing motion. He led Euigyeom through a quiet hallway, catching the sleeve of his jacket. He helped him through the dark house, pulling him with one hand and navigating with the other against the wall.
He led him to what Euigyeom assumed was his room. After turning on a small lamp, he began dropping his things on the floor.
“My mom is sleeping in the room next to mine, so I’d appreciate you keeping quiet.” Yoongi said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t have any space in the room, so you’ll have to sleep with me. I hope you’re fine with that.”
“Thanks.”
Euigyeom slowly started taking off his jacket, looking around the room as he did so.
Yoongi’s room was about exactly what he believed it would be. Unorganized. Few posters adorning the walls, some from action movies, others from sports events. His desk was against the wall closest to the door. There were no school supplies in sight, only a screwdriver, tweezers and other random things he could've used while fixing the Walkman.
Euigyeom hung his jacket on the chair and put the cassette player on the desk. He did see a wardrobe, but he wasn’t sure things wouldn’t come tumbling out after he opened it.
“I’ll give you a shirt and shorts if you need any.” Yoongi said, already opening the wardrobe.
He took out t-shirts for himself and Euigyeom and he threw one in the other’s direction.
Yoongi himself changed quite fast. He was cramming things back onto a shelf while Euigyeom was struggling to put the shirt on through his cast.
“You could just sleep without it, you know?”
“I’ll get it eventually.”
“I could help y-”
“No.” Euigyeom replied, a bit too loud.
He didn’t want to feel incompetent. Like he couldn’t even put on a shirt by himself. Like he was dependent on others. He ran away and wanted to believe he could make it on his own. Not having someone watch over his every step. Asking Yoongi for this amount of help was already too much.
“Are you genuinely okay?” He felt a hand pulling away the one that started scratching his neck.
The itch he had never really went away. He felt like he had to take it out on someone. Even if that someone wore his face.
He wanted to jump out of his skin by any means necessary. Yet, at the same time, he had to keep himself inside. Even breathing seemed to let his soul escape. So he wanted to stop, to keep his soul inside. He wanted to hold it tightly by the hand, so it wouldn’t leave him alone. Not again.
“-yeom?” His gaze shifted to lock eyes with Yoongi.
He was shaking Euigyeom by the shoulders. “Breathe, Kim Euigyeom.”
Yoongi’s bruised face was close to his. He didn’t have his glasses on now, so Euigyeom could see his eyes better. One was open wider than the other, both watching him intently. His face was contorted in some kind of mixture of curiosity and concern.
Euigyeom took a shallow breath. Slowly, his head seemed to decompress along with the intake of oxygen.
“Did you say anything?” He asked, his voice strained.
“I think I got my answer. Give that to me.” Yoongi took the shirt Euigyeom was trying to put on away. “It’s really late, let’s just sleep.”
He started pushing Euigyeom towards the bed and made him lay down. Yoongi himself got into the bed after turning off the lights.
Euigyeom was laying awake, staring at the ceiling. During the night Yoongi had shifted and he was now crushing Euigyeom underneath him. His head was somewhere between the other’s neck and shoulder, facing away. His slow breathing was filling the silence in the room.
Soft, blue light reflected on a wall through the window. Euigyeom wished he could see the sky lightening up as the sun rose today, but he didn’t want to wake Yoongi up. Even if he was put in quite an awkward situation, he found himself enjoying the weight of the other on his chest. His own lungs pushing back against Yoongi’s ribcage put him at ease.
Soon enough, Euigyeom should decide what he was going to do. He couldn’t stay here forever, although something in his mind told him he would love to just rot in Yoongi’s presence. He would love to contact his mother and go back to the way his life had been in the past few days. Just the two of them. Not having someone constantly step on his shadow had been genuinely freeing.
Euigyeom did also want to smash Kisu’s face in. He wanted to make him feel what he felt. All the pain and anger he’s had to endure.
Yoongi shifted. His arm was still slung over Euigyeom’s stomach, but he partially rolled off of his chest.
“You’re awake.” He said, his voice hoarse.
“I’ve been up for a while.”
“You could’ve woken me up.”
“I didn’t want to. You fought with Kisu and got the Walkman working, I couldn’t just wake you up.”
“At least you know what I went through.” Yoongi shifted again, this time to look at the ceiling like Euigyeom. “Did you listen to the song from your player yesterday?”
“It’s not mine.” Euigyeom corrected him.
“But did you listen? Does it work?”
“...No.” He said. “I still haven’t listened to it.”
“You should.” After he said it, Yoongi got up and went up to his desk to bring it over.
Euigyeom didn’t know if he even wanted to listen to it. It’s just been so long, he’d gotten used to the silence.
He sat up anyway.
Yoongi came back and put the Walkman in Euigyeom’s hands. The other one didn’t move at first. Even if the motion of putting on the headphones became a habit, this time, it felt unfamiliar. Since Euigyeom wasn’t moving, Yoongi put them on for him.
The headphones weren’t soundproof. They weren’t even good quality, but they seemed to block out everything from the outside world for Euigyeom. The only thing he heard was his own shaky breathing.
Yoongi pressed ‘play’ after taking out the Walkman from his hands. There was a pause before the song started playing abruptly. It’s been such a long time since Euigyeom heard it. He felt younger, smaller.
Ever since his brother left, he stopped listening to music altogether. It didn’t feel right. He couldn’t even bring himself to look up his brother’s favourite band during those years. Right now, when the singer’s modulated voice fought with the grain of the old headphones, it brought him back.
He wanted to leave more than anything. He wanted to take revenge on everyone who forced him to live in a world without sound. After years of living underwater, he took his first breath. He saw the sky for the first time.
Euigyeom took off the headphones just before the chorus hit. This was too overwhelming, especially when he was already barely keeping himself together.
“Does it work properly?” Yoongi asked.
Euigyeom reached to put the headphones on Yoongi’s head. “This is real music.”
Yoongi just sat there listening. His eyes locked in Euigyeom’s expression. He reached out to place a hand on the other’s chest.
“I thought only my heart was beating this fast.” He said. He took his hand off of Euigyeom’s chest, and in turn, he placed Euigyeom’s on his.
Euigyeom felt Yoongi’s heart beating rapidly over the shirt. From what the other said, his must’ve felt the same. It seemed nice, to feel something so strongly.
Recently the only things his mind and heart were consumed by were rage and violence. It wasn’t anything good, anything he wanted to feel. Now, he yearned for something different. He could allow himself this much.
Euigyeom wouldn’t say he didn’t realize until they were already kissing. It happened somewhere between him pushing the headphones off of Yoongi’s head and Yoongi letting go of his hand.
It was quite uncomfortable. Euigyeom’s cast was sitting awkwardly between them and the buzzing of the song wouldn’t leave his mind. He never realized how uneven Yoongi’s lips were until now either.
Yoongi was already tangling his hands in Euigyeom’s hair and pushing him towards himself. He was unnecessarily intense, but Euigyeom figured it was nice. Someone wanting him, someone needing him this viciously and unapologetically, wasn’t something he had experienced before. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Yoongi back. Yet, he definitely needed him the same, if not more. He had to keep Yoongi by his side.
His hand was already moving down to Yoongi’s neck, almost like a habit. Somewhere in Euigyeom’s mind it all made sense. Every intense emotion lead down the same road. It was the only way he knew how to deal with them.
There were many thoughts crossing his mind, but what he wished for more than ever, was for his other hand not to be restricted by the cast. Euigyeom couldn’t grip Yoongi’s throat tighter than he already had with just one hand. Yoongi’s breath was getting shorter and his grip on Euigyeom’s hair tighter.
Yoongi still wasn’t pushing him away. Euigyeom’s scalp was on fire, but he felt it matched every other burning fiber in his body.
Inevitably, their kiss seemed to be slowing down. They were getting out of sync. Yoongi was trying to catch his breath by opening his mouth a little wider, trying not to pass out. Somehow, Euigyeom took that as an invitation to shove his tongue inside his mouth. The first thing it got caught on were Yoongi’s teeth.
“Freak.” Yoongi breathed out after pushing him away.
“Sorry.” Euigyeom said, dropping his grip from the other’s neck. “You just have so many teeth.”
Yoongi laughed. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. It's nice.”
Silence fell over them. The song stopped playing a while ago and now Euigyeom started feeling it’s lack. He moved the cassette player closer to the wall, so he wouldn’t break it after it just got fixed.
“Are you coming to school tomorrow?” Yoongi asked.
“I’m not sure what I’ll do yet.”
An alarm sounded a few hours later. This was the first time Euigyeom woke up so late on a weekday.
Yoongi quickly got up, but Euigyeom just turned in his direction. This was the first time he got to watch him in his own space. From what he noticed Yoongi's morning routine didn't include doing things in a timely manner. Every movement was rushed and messy.
Only now had Euigyeom paid more attention to the state of the room from yesterday. Their things were all over the floor. His jacket slipped from the chair somewhere during the night and it was a wonder how gracefully Yoongi moved through all of this.
Everything seemed to fall in its place for him. He already found his glasses. His eyes were barely open, but he dressed himself up so quickly, Euigyeom could've sworn it took him just a few seconds. He himself got up slowly and sighed at the vision of putting his clothes from yesterday back on. His mind wasn't as erratic, but putting on the shirt from yesterday seemed equally as impossible.
“We're going to have to leave soon, so let me help you.” Yoongi said, already trying to shove a sleeve onto Euigyeom's injured arm.
They both struggled for a moment. They were completely out of sync on how they tried to approach this cooperation. Euigyeom tried to put in his second arm first, while Yoongi tried to pull the shirt over his head. It took them a while, but definitely less than if Euigyeom tried to do it himself.
Euigyeom was still technically out of school, so he decided he didn’t want to show up in places where he could be easily found. Yoongi, on the other hand, wanted to keep up appearances, so he was in his school uniform, ready to leave.
They left the room and in the living room, they were met with Yoongi's mother sitting on the floor, eating kimbap in front of the coffee table. Euigyeom hadn’t met her yesterday and frankly, thought she either would’ve left early for work or slept in on a day off.
They stopped in their tracks and Euigyeom got a good look at her. She looked so perfectly like Yoongi, it took him aback. The same uneven eyes. Same wide ears and downturned nose.
She beckoned Yoongi over to her.
“Good morning. You didn't tell me you were having friends over.” She raised a piece of kimbap up for Yoongi to eat.
“It was last minute. He asked me to crash here when you were already sleeping, so I didn't want to wake you up.”
She turned to Euigyeom. He gave her a polite bow. “Good morning, Yoongi's mom.”
“Please, just call me 'auntie'.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Is this the Kim Euigyeom I've been hearing so much about?”
“Yeah.” Yoongi said as he leaned down more to take another piece of kimbap from her plate.
“There's more in the fridge, go get it for Euigyeom too.” She pet his hair as he straightened up to go to the kitchen. “Can’t you also put on your uniform properly? Your tie is slipping.”
“No time. We’re already running late.”
“And who’s fault is that?”
“Euigyeom’s.”
She turned to look at Euigyeom with a playful glint in her eye. She was smiling and it seemed like she had gotten used to Yoongi’s nonsensical answers, just like he had.
They left soon after. Just like the night before, Euigyeom trailed a bit behind Yoongi. Usually, it would’ve been the opposite. Yoongi would be running after him, slinging his arm over his shoulders and bothering him in every way possible. Right now, when Euigyeom watched the other’s back, he thought he understood why the other acted the way he did.
“Your mom is really pretty.” Euigyeom said, catching up with Yoongi.
“Like me?”
Euigyeom just punched him in the shoulder.
He lifted his head up. The sky wasn't perfectly clear, but he was happy at the slivers of blue peeking out from behind the clouds. They both heard a plane flying overhead. A soft breeze blew past them, ruffling their hair.
Euigyeom took a deep breath. It was the first time in a while, where his mind wasn’t overrun by useless thoughts.
He took out his brother’s Walkman from his pocket and put on the headphones. This time he didn’t hesitate before starting the tape.