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Through a series of pick ups and drop offs from Hellfire, Steve and Eddie officially meet. Of course, they knew each other from school, but they’d never really met. The school year faded, and Steve was as surprised as anyone that he genuinely considered Eddie his best friend (platonic soulmates are in a different category entirely).
Steve was so proud and excited to watch Eddie walk at graduation. The metalhead thoroughly thanked Robin for all her help studying, but it’s Steve he found in the crowd. They hugged, so tightly, and neither was sure exactly why until they parted. They stared back at each other, and it’s like the entire year was collapsing into that moment. Steve loved him, and he was certain Eddie felt the same way.
They danced around each other all evening, enjoying the graduation party through a series of lingering looks and subtle touches. Eventually everyone slowly said their goodbyes and good nights, and the two of them were left in the wake of their own discovery. They fell together with the force of a black hole. It was all limbs wrapping and grabbing and lips on skin. They probably should have had a conversation, clarify what all this meant, what they wanted from each other, but none of that mattered because they just knew.
Steve slept better than he had in years that night. So good, that he genuinely believed he was finally getting over it all.
He was wrong. It wasn’t long before it all came back with a vengeance. The sleepless nights. The waves of anxiety. The fear that seemed to creep up on him and drag him down into himself and memories bleed into reality.
He was pretty good at hiding it all by now. He knew what to say over the phone to keep people away. He knew all the comforting words and expressions to give to assure them all he was okay. Only Robin saw through the facade, but even she only caught the really bad ones. They weren’t as frequent, but those were the days where Steve could only breathe in the corner of his closet, gripping the nail-bat with white knuckles.
But now Eddie was around more. Eddie, who looked at Steve like he hung the sun. Eddie, who Steve desperately wanted to keep shielded from all the pain.
The upside down was gone. El had taken care of it, and the kids were bouncing back shockingly well. You’d never know they went through hell before they even reached high school.
Nancy and Jonathan moved out east together. Nancy was going to some fancy college for journalism. Jonathan was taking a few photography classes before committing to full time enrollment. They seemed good.
Robin amazed Steve. She was so strong. After Starcourt, she was stuck to him like glue the next few months. He didn’t mind at all. It was nice having someone around that understood. Once school was in full swing, there were some missteps - a few ill timed panic attacks. Her parents noticed fast. She was in therapy a while, and even though she had to dance around the full truth, it really seemed to help.
Steve just didn’t know how to talk about it. He felt stuck. Everyone was moving on and getting over it all, and he still couldn’t even look at the pool.
———
Eddie asked him one day, standing in the kitchen and looking out the window, “When was the last time you used the pool?”
Steve felt his stomach sink. “I don’t.”
“You were on the swim team.” Eddie raised a brow at him. “People never shut up about your famous pool parties.” He walked over and draped his arms over Steve’s shoulders, leaning into him. “And you can’t remember the last time you used the pool?” He sounded skeptical.
“It’s… green.” Steve placated.
“We could clean it? Come on, the kids would probably love it. It’s getting hot out, and we could have everyone over-”
“No,” Steve winced at the ice in his tone.
Eddie went quiet. He fiddled with Steve’s collar for a moment before straightening himself and crossing his arms. Steve turned to face him, avoiding his eyes. Eddie chewed on his lip, studying Steve for a moment.
“Okay… no pool. Got it. Didn’t know it was a touchy subject.” He was probing, leading Steve into an explanation.
Steve bit his tongue.
We can’t use the pool because a monster ate Barb in it last time.
“The pump’s broken. It’s expensive. I’d need to call my parents to get someone to come fix it.”
Eddie’s expression softened. He knew Steve’s relationship with his parents was strained at best, so this explanation seemed to work for him. He pulled Steve into a hug, mumbling comforting words into his chest.
Steve felt the coil of guilt around his lungs. He held Eddie close. It was easier this way. Safer. Eddie never had to know what lurked just outside his kitchen window a few years ago.
———
Fall came and they were finding new routines. Steve was trying to get a box down from a high shelf in the garage. He was pretty sure they had some old board games tucked away, and everyone was coming over later to hang out. The kids and Robin were on break for thanksgiving, but they’d reserved Friday for their makeshift family. He stumbled on the ladder, holding the boxes above him to steady himself, but instead, the top of the stack slid forward and right into his face.
He groaned, stepping down and holding his nose. He cursed when he felt the first few drops of blood.
The bloody nose didn’t last long. Eddie came out to find him bleeding down the front of his shirt and retrieved a handful of tissues, helping Steve tilt his head back until it stopped. Eddie was at Steve’s house more than his own these days.
Steve chuckled as Eddie lectured him about being safer and how the kids were always saying he’d already gotten too many concussions, which spiraled into a rant about how most organized sports were inherently evil.
He walked to the hall bathroom, half listening to Eddie’s tirade, and washed off his hands in the sink. The blood had gotten under his nails. He scrubbed at them.
Eddie was saying something about pack mentality and hierarchies.
It wouldn’t come off. There was so much of it now. More than when he started, which… wasn’t right.
Steve gripped the edge of the sink. Eddie sounded farther away. His heart was racing now. He looked up at himself in the mirror. Blood streaked down his face and neck. It smeared across his cheek. The collar of his shirt was covered and drying dark into the fabric.
He was in the bathroom. That’s right, but it wasn’t safe. Steve’s knees felt weak. He settled on the floor. It was more stable. The bathroom floor. The tiles were cold under his palms. The stall door against his back. No. Not a stall. That’s not right.
The mall was burning.
“Robin?” Steve’s voice started small. “Where’s Robin?”
Eddie poked his head around the corner. “You say something, Stevie?”
Steve stared at the tile floor, his back against the wall. His eyes were wide as he wiped at the blood on his face, smearing it and covering his hands.
Eddie was in front of him in a moment, hands cradling either side of Steve’s face. “Steve? Hey, can you hear me? Steve, what’s wrong? What happened?” There’s a panic in his voice that Steve pulled back from.
“No, no. You can’t be here,” Steve pushed him away, harder than he meant to.
Eddie scrambled to his feet. Steve heard the footsteps retreating.
“We got away. She’s okay. Robin’s safe,” Steve squeezed his eyes shut, repeating reassurances like a mantra. “The kids are safe. The door is closed.”
He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, but the next thing he felt was smaller hands taking his gently.
“Hey, Steve,” Robin’s voice was calm.
He slowly opened his eyes, relief flooding his system as he took in the sight of her, safe.
Robin smiled, but there was concern in her eyes. “Looks like you had a bad one. Let’s get you cleaned up, ok?”
He nodded but didn’t move.
She went to the sink and got a washcloth, returning to his side quickly. Robin started on his hands, carefully wiping off all the blood.
He was able to take a full breath, mumbling thank yous to her. She just shook her head and continued cleaning.
“This is what we do. You save me - I save you.”
Steve knew the phrase well. He’s not sure which of them started it, but it’d been around since right after Starcourt. They saved each other. It’s what they did.
He was finally feeling like himself again, but the exhaustion was settling in his bones. He leaned against Robin’s shoulder as they sat on the bathroom floor together.
“Love you, Robbie.”
“Love you too,” she leaned into him. “Don’t get too comfortable, you’ve got a very worried boyfriend that is probably pacing a hole in the carpet where I told him to stay put.”
Steve’s stomach sank. “Oh god, Eddie. Oh fuck. I think I pushed him. Shit. He’s going to think I’m actually insane.”
Robin shushed him, “No, no freaking out. You’ll just give yourself another panic attack. It’ll be ok. He was smart enough to call me, so I trust he’ll be smart enough to understand. Plus, it’s Eddie. He’s completely in love with you.”
“He’s already had to deal with the nightmares and that time I completely refused to leave the house-”
“Tons of people get nightmares, and give yourself some slack, that was the anniversary of us getting tortured. Like, actually fucking tortured. I think it’s normal to be messed up after that.”
Steve knew she was right, but… “But he doesn’t know any of that.”
There was a beat of silence. “You could tell him,” Robin said it so softly it was nearly a whisper.
There were so many reasons that wasn’t an option. They’d all signed copious NDAs over the years. Steve didn’t think anyone could possibly even believe any of it without seeing it for themselves, so he’d probably end up in some loony bin. Aside from all of that, the reason Steve held onto the tightest was that he couldn’t bear Eddie holding onto an ounce of the fear he carried everyday.
“Go, talk to him. I’ll get things set up for a movie night. That way we can turn the lights off and you can just sit and relax. The kids will love it.” Robin got to her feet, holding out her hand.
Steve took one final slow breath before taking her hand and pulling himself up. “You’re an angel.”
“I know.” She grinned.
He finally made his way out of the bathroom soon after. He found Eddie chewing on his thumbnail, leg bouncing in a fast rhythm. When Eddie saw him, he jumped to his feet, rushing over before stopping in his tracks as he tried to readjust and approach more cautiously. Steve closed the distance, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist. There was a sigh of relief before he wrapped his arms around Steve in return, leaning into him.
“I’m sorry,” Steve said into Eddie’s shoulder.
“No need. Just… tell me how to help.” Eddie slide his fingers into Steve’s hair, playing with the ends.
Steve leaned into the touch. “You did help. You called Robin. You’re here. This helps.”
Eddie made a unsatisfied sound. “Stevie, calling Robin is always what I do. I don’t know how to reach you sometimes. She always sends me off like I don’t even get to know how to help you.“
“Jealous?” Steve teased. He was deflecting. It was cruel, and he knew it.
Eddie frowned, pulling back just enough to face him. “I’m serious. What happens when she’s not available? Buckley’s in college now. She’s away most of the year. How am I supposed to help you if you won’t ever let me in?” His tone got angry, but Steve saw the fear in his eyes.
He felt like his mouth was sealed shut.
Eddie searched his face for answers. “Please, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. You know all my baggage, and you’re still here. Give me the same chance. Trust me.”
Steve reached up to gently touch Eddie’s cheek. He tilted his head as he tried to find the right words, his expression twisting. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes.
“It’s too much,” he forced the words out, his throat tight as he held back what felt like a tidal wave.
“Let me help carry it then,” Eddie tried, nearly pleading.
Steve stared at him intently. “It’s bad. The kinda stuff you can only imagine in your nightmares,” he said it like a challenge.
Eddie didn’t understand, but he nodded anyway, holding onto Steve tightly. “Try me.”
“I’m probably the worst to explain it. I’ll get all the details wrong. I wasn’t important for any of it, just along for the ride,” Steve started.
“Hey, it’s your story, who would know it better than you?” Eddie smiled reassuringly.
Steve scoffed. “You’d think.” He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Eddie’s shoulder. “Just… promise me you won’t think I’m crazy.”
“Stevie, I promise. I’ve been through a lot of crazy stuff. Trust me, I can deal.” Eddie sounded so sure.
“Not like this. It started back when Will went missing.” Steve pushed through the dread that seemed to settle all around him.
“Mini Byers? I remember that. The body in the quarry and all that. I asked the kids about it when they joined hellfire. They got a bit jumpy so I backed off, but he was kidnapped right?”
“Sorta. Just, not by anything human. It came after him, and he ran. He ended up in the other place for a while before they were able to get him back. I didn’t know the kids well back then. I was just dating Nancy.” Steve fiddled with the hem of Eddie’s shirt nervously.
“Stevie, did you say it wasn’t human?” Eddie was trying to stay supportive, but this was already sounding outlandish.
Steve laughed nervously. “This is where you’re gonna really need to keep that promise. The kids named it, and it’s all tied to your game. They called it a demogorgon, and it came from the upside down.”
“A demogorgon kidnapped Will Byers? A demogorgon from Dungeons and Dragons.” Eddie was skeptical, almost accusatory, like Steve was messing with him.
“It’s not like the game. It’s tall. It’s got this head like a flower, but the petals open up and it’s just all teeth.” Steve couldn’t meet Eddie’s eyes. He stared at Eddie’s chest, watching it rise and fall with his breath. He tried not to picture it- the way their faces would open.
Eddie paused, “You’re serious.” It wasn’t a question, but there was a hesitation in his voice.
Steve nodded. “They lived in the upside down- it’s this whole other world, just like here, but it’s dark and it’s cold. The kids… shit they were so brave. They faced all of it on their own for so long. They had El, but she was just a kid too. I know she seems normal now, a little quirky, but she’s just another kid. Back then, she had these powers. It was… scary honestly. She closed everything up, finally ended all of it.” Steve couldn’t keep track. The words spilled out, and it was the first time he’d really talked about it all.
Eddie was quiet, probably too quiet. Steve knew how it all sounded. He braced himself for how this would end, but it was also so freeing. He couldn’t stop himself now.
“I didn’t know any of this for a while. I was just trying to get Nancy to like me. She was really smart, ya know? I didn’t know how to impress her like the other girls. She came over to hang out. We swam. She brought Barb with her. I didn’t know what was out there. We didn’t mean to leave her all alone. It was the backyard. We didn’t even know what happened until… well. Nancy found her. Later. In the upside down. I didn’t know Barb, not really, but no one deserved that.
Tommy and Carol were assholes. I was an asshole too, but I didn’t want to be. I went to the Byers’ to apologize, but it was already there. I wanted to run, but we fucking fought the thing. Most scared I’d ever been in my whole life. Now it’s like… top 5.” Steve laughed, cold and hollow. He could feel the hot tears streaking down his face, but he didn’t bother wiping them away.
“Honestly, Eds, the next few years were a blur. Nancy dumped me. I met Dustin. He dragged me along to find what turned out to be a pack of those insane monsters. Thank god they had other plans because I would have been so dead in the tunnels. So many people died. Jesus, a few summers ago, the monsters made a bunch of people into a freaking meat spider. The whole thing chased us and they had to burn down the mall to stop it. It killed Billy, and fuck Max had to see it happen. That was all insane and the details are hazy because I wasn’t there for most of the monster shit that time. No, Robin and I were down below the mall getting tortured by fucking Russians. How insane is that? They drugged us and tied us to chairs, and I really thought we were going to die. Dustin and Erica were there. Thank god they got out. So, yeah. That was the most terrified I’ve ever been. I thought I’d have to hear Robin die. Instead, we end up drugged out of our minds, throwing up in the bathroom and spilling all our secrets. That’s why Robin helps. We save each other.”
Steve had closed his eyes halfway through his speech. He felt light headed. Maybe he’d forgotten to breathe. His hands were tingling, feeling a bit numb. He held onto Eddie and tried to savor the feeling, knowing it wouldn’t last much longer.
“That’s what fucked me up today. The blood in the bathroom- made me feel like I was back there. Sometimes I feel like I never got away, not really, because I’m just stuck in those moments. Seeing that monster for the first time with the lights flashing… getting the kids out of that dark, musty tunnel and knowing I wasn’t going to make it out in time… being tied to that chair with Robin behind me… and just, so much fighting. Always being chased and hunted and hurt.”
He felt Eddie’s grip on him tighten.
Steve felt wrung out. He leaned forward into Eddie. “I’m technically not supposed to tell you any of this. Government NDAs and all that,” he mumbled into Eddie’s neck.
The silence stretched on for a long time.
All Steve could hear was his own heart pounding in his ears. He tried not to imagine the worst. He genuinely didn’t know what he’d do without Eddie. They’d only been dating for about six months, but he already couldn’t imagine a life without him. There was another feeling below the panic, and it unnerved him. Relief. He considered how much extra pain he had been carrying just to keep it all below the surface.
“You’ve… been fighting inter-dimensional monsters… and Russians… with a bunch of kids… since you were 17?” Eddie spoke slowly, like he was trying out the words.
“Mhm,” Steve didn’t bother moving from where he’d tucked his face into Eddie’s neck, like maybe he could hide from however Eddie was about to react.
“Sweetheart… that’s. Fucking nuts.”
Steve tensed.
Eddie was quick to adjust. “No, no. You’re not crazy. I believe you. I’m not entirely sure I understand all of it, but I believe you. It’s just, shit. I thought you were gonna tell me your dad was abusive. I had no idea it would be so… fuck.”
“Oh, well yeah, no my dad was also a dick. He just stopped being the thing I feared the most when I learned what else is out there.” Steve shrugged. He tentatively pulled back to look at Eddie.
Eddie looked at him with an exasperated expression. “Steve. How are you still functioning at all?”
Steve was taken aback. “Uh. Honestly? I have no idea. I’m not sure I am. The kids are little badasses. They’re all doing so great. Robin’s killing it with school and life. I’m just, barely holding it together most days.”
Eddie reached up and took Steve’s face in his hands. “You are so strong.”
The words struck him. Steve let out a choked sob.
“I probably still need like- so much context, but I’m not going anywhere. You’re completely stuck with me. So, you know, don’t go where I can’t follow.” Eddie pressed a kiss to his lips. It was quick, but it breathed new life into Steve.
“I can tell that’s a quote, but I don’t know what you’re referencing.” Steve smiled.
Eddie groaned, “You went on a whole hero’s journey, and you don’t even know Lord of the Rings!”