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Armin closed the door behind him. He was finally in his apartment, where no one would question him, worry about him or talk to him. He was alone, again.
He sighed loudly, as if something was hurting in his chest, something heavy he’s been carrying the whole day. Or maybe even more.
Armin went straight to his room, throwing his jacket and bag on the bed and leaning his back against the door, closing it at the same time. He slid little by little until he reached the ground, hugging himself as if he were making himself smaller.
In the end, that’s what I am, he thought to himself.
It all started when he got out of home today; he decided going out earlier since he had an important exam at 8 AM so he wouldn’t be in a rush as always, then went to buy himself a coffee for good luck, but the coffee shop was closed without explanation, so he had to buy a canned one. While walking straight to class, two strangers bumped into him, making him spill his coffee onto his shirt, great. Then, by the time he had the exam, he almost didn’t show up because he went to another classroom across the campus ‘cause he got confused and had to make a run for it.
When he finished he had an hour left before the professor gave them the score on that test so he decided to go for a walk to clear his mind for a bit, and then it started raining, so he had to run, again. Then, when he got his grade, a 25 out of 100. What the fuck? He had studied a lot. And that’s not all.
“Arlert, mind explaining to me why you had such a low grade in this test?” His professor asked him.
All Armin could do was look at the exam paper and try to swallow his tears, he was a grown ass man, he shouldn’t cry over this, he should get better.
“I don’t know sir, I swear I knew everything like the palm of my hand” Armin tried to explain.
“Save your excuses for next time, Arlert. I had good expectations of you, young man, but now I’m seeing that I might’ve overestimated you” His professor says, never looking up from his papers. “You can go now, if you don’t do better in my class, you’ll be failing the rest of the year.”
“Yes, sir” Armin replies as he gets out of the classroom, shutting the door behind him while feeling how his breathing got heavier.
While he walked home he decided to send a message to his loving boyfriend, but his phone ran out of battery, so he just decided to sigh while looking at a black screen, seeing his reflection in it. He definitely looked like shit. Great.
And finally, when he got to his apartment he noticed that the elevator was broken. And he lives in the 8th floor. How cool.
So yeah, he could say he’s had a shitty day. Didn’t have his favorite coffee, spilled canned coffee twice, almost late to a test, got wet from rain, failed said test, got criticized brutally by his professor and ran out of battery. Pretty shitty if you ask him.
So now he was trying so hard not to cry while thinking about everything. How he disappointed his professor, and himself. How childish he is because of crying over a failed test. How he can never do anything right.
Armin felt tears well up in his eyes as he remembered everything, hugging himself closer. Shortly, they began to streak down his cheeks unstoppingly, his body shaking.
He was all alone, no one there to comfort him, to hear him cry. He kind of prefers it, he doesn’t like being this vulnerable in front of anyone, only to himself, for he won’t be judged that way.
He tried to regulate himself, got up from the floor and went straight to the bathroom. He looked tired, his hair unkempt, his eyes puffy and red from all the crying and his throat hurting from swallowing all his sobs and cries.
Armin washed his face as he noticed how silent everything was. He could hear the clock ticking in his living room, the static sound the fridge made, and-
Keys?
He dried his face quickly with a towel as he got out of his bedroom’s bathroom quietly.
“Armin?” He heard a voice at the entrance of his house, one he knew very well. “Baby, are you here?”
This time he didn’t know if he should thank his past self for giving his boyfriend a spare key to his apartment or not, he will deliberate later.
Armin got out of his bedroom putting his best smile on his face for Jean to see.
“There you are, my love” Jean’s face relaxed as soon as he spotted him. “I was so worried about you, Min, you didn’t get my calls, nor my messages”
“I know, handsome, my phone ran out of battery today and I didn’t have time to charge it” Armin said as he leaned against the bedroom’s door frame.
He watched as Jean walked up to him and put his arms around his waist and kissed him softly on his cheek. Armin leaned slightly into the touch, closing his eyes for a second.
Jean took his face into one of his hands, stroking his cheeks gently. And that’s when he noticed. His red eyes, his face all puffy, his slightly knitted eyebrows giving him away and his failing smile.
“Are you okay, my love?” Jean asked, never breaking eye contact with Armin. “What happened?”
And that’s all it took for him to fall again, tears forming in his eyes quickly.
“Do you- do you have five minutes?” Armin says while holding back sobs that threat to come out in any second.
“I have all the time in the world for you, Min” Jean says as he embraces his boyfriend in a comforting hug.
Armin takes no time in letting everything out, sobs coming from his throat that make Jean’s heart sink. He totally breaks in Jean’s arms. He knows he’s safe here, so he just lets go.
Jean caresses Armin’s back while he sobs, shushing him with kind words such as “You’re doing so good, baby” “Let it out my love” and “I’m here for you” among many others.
He gently guides Armin to his bedroom, sitting at the edge of the bed with Armin on his lap. His head is hiding on Jean’s neck, as his hands grip the fabric at the back of his boyfriend’s sweater very tightly, both legs at Jean’s sides.
“Please don’t leave” Armin says in between sobs, his body fully shaking and his throat sore as if he’d been screaming.
“I’m not going anywhere, honey, I’m staying here with you” Jean responds, and that brings more sobs to Armin’s body.
And Jean holds him through it, though everything. He may not know what happened for Armin to be like this, but he knew that there’s always a reason.
Minutes later, Jean could feel how Armin calmed down little by little, his sobs now just uneven breathing in Armin’s chest, but he never let him go, huggin his small frame every second he could.
“So… I need to ask this, love…” Jean started as his hand kept going back and forth on Armin’s back, “What happened? You know you can tell me, right?” He whispered.
Armin sniffs as he nods weakly with his head, slowly drifting away from his spot in Jean’s neck.
“I had a stupid shitty day today and I didn’t know how to handle it well, so I guess… I just kinda exploded?” Armin begins explaining, swallowing every few seconds because of his sore throat. Jean nodded, silently telling him to keep going, “Some dumbasses made me spill my coffee on me TWICE, I almost got late to my exam this morning, I FAILED that test and my professor was an absolute fucker, telling me that I’ve disappointed him and that I would keep failing if I continue to be like “this”, among many other things”
Jean’s heart broke more as he heard his boyfriend talk, not wanting to interrupt him but wanting to tell him lots of things at the same time.
“And worse of all? I think I’m the problem” Armin continued, “When I went to buy that stupid canned coffee I passed by the coffee shop and IT WAS OPEN, I just had to wait like ten minutes. The whole being late thing? I fucked up because I went to the wrong class all across the campus, failing the test? I put my own grade, my professor just grades the test. And my battery running out? I should’ve charged my fucking phone yesterday, but I didn’t. It’s my fault, everything, can’t you see? I’m the problem here, and I can’t seem to be solved by anyone or anything”
Jean couldn’t help but grab Armin’s face with both hands, drying his tears with his thumbs as he began to speak, “Armin, darling, you’re not a problem to be solved but a soul to be understood” He said softly.
And it took all in Armin’s willpower to not start crying again. And he failed, but Jean was there to smooth out his tears with his hands and kisses.
Jean kissed his whole face, his eyelids, his cheeks, his button nose, his jaw, his forehead, and his lips. He kissed him oh so softly, just what Armin needed at this moment.
“My baby, not everything is your fault. Maybe those two guys were in a rush and didn’t have time to say anything, and that’s not your fault. Maybe the person you asked for directions was thinking of another class, and that’s not your fault. Maybe your professor is a bitch, and that’s not your fault,” That made Armin laugh, and Jean smiled softly, “It’s not your fault, mon cherie”
Armin hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go, and Jean felt how Armin's body shook with a new wave of sobs.
20 minutes later, Jean helped Armin with everything. He helped him while showering, he cooked him dinner and helped him while getting ready to go to sleep.
Jean kissed him softly while holding his waist, and Armin couldn’t do anything but comply happily.
Standing face to face, all Armin had to do was say “Can you please stay the night” with a warm tone.
“Didn’t I tell you I wasn't going anywhere, my love?”
Armin giggles, and it fills Jean’s heart as he kisses him gently again.
Tomorrow will be a new day, the poets say, but the two lovers had no need to rush.