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“I want to ride with Susie.”
Kris was standing near the ferris wheel, Berdly, Noelle, and Susie in front of them. The sounds of the crowd surrounding them at the festival was nearly overwhelming, but Kris couldn’t hear any of that at the moment. They had been bracing for this specific choice and the moment it was made by whatever entity was controlling them, Kris nearly broke down into tears. Not because they were upset, but because that's what they really wanted. The soul hardly ever picked the choices that Kris wanted.
They were certain the soul would try and get revenge for the whole hockey stick in the closet incident and that they’d be forced to go with Berdly, but that didn’t happen. A small mercy?
“Really dude?” Susie's eyes lit up as she grinned at Kris. “I'll ride with you- er, Kris? Are you okay? You're crying?”
“I'm fine.” Kris awkwardly rubbed their face on the sleeve of their shirt. Kris made sure to smile as wide as they could so that they didn't worry Susie. It was just a momentary lapse of reason.
“Alright then.” Susie still looked concerned, but she didn't question it further. “Let's go.”
“Oh but!” Noelle raised a finger. “Who will I ride with-”
“You can ride with me!” Berdly jumped in front of Noelle. “Don't worry I won't do anything uncouth!”
Noelle looked like she was about to strangle Berdly. And maybe Kris as well. Kris ignored the death glare and gave Noelle a thumbs up. “Good luck.”
Susie chuckled. “You can tell him no, Noelle. Anyway, we're getting on the ferris wheel now.”
Kris led Susie away, while Berdly and Noelle discussed something. Kris didn't bother to listen because it had nothing to do with them. Besides it annoyed the soul if they didn't get to hear everything and Kris loved to minorly inconvenience that stupid thing. Kris got into the ferris wheel, Susie clamoring in after them.
Susie sat opposite Kris. As the wheel began to turn, Kris realized something very important. The soul. It wasn't controlling them at the moment. Sometimes this happened, but it was always a surprise when it did. Kris was so used to being controlled at this point that they almost assumed that the only time they would ever get freedom was when they ripped the stupid thing out.
But this still felt a little off. It was like how in the Dark World the soul would go watch Susie while Kris talked to Ralsei. But Ralsei wasn't here, so how did this happen? Maybe the soul could just observe others without leaving Kris’ body? Did the soul want to see what was going on with Berdly and Noelle instead? Kris did kinda want to know what sort of train wreck their ride on the ferris wheel would be like. Despite Noelle's clear dislike of Berdly she was still getting on with him.
Well, Kris better take advantage of this moment of freedom, even if it was a little concerning. They had bought a candy apple at the festival but of course the soul didn't actually think to let Kris eat it. Now was their chance. Kris unwrapped the candy apple and bit into it ravenously.
“Someone's hungry.” Susie laughed. “Let me get a bite.”
“Just a small one.” Kris held out the candy apple and to her credit, Susie took a pretty small bite. Funny how things could change. Just a few days ago Susie definitely would've taken the whole thing without a second thought.
“Wow!” Susie’s eyes grew bright. “I never had an apple like that before! Sweet and crunchy! Kinda like you!”
“Are you saying I'm crunchy?” Kris couldn't even begin to understand that one. “I am so sweet though. The sweetest.”
“Yeah okay.” Susie rolled her eyes. “I mean you got a tough shell but once you break through it you’re like, awesome on the inside!”
“I'm like an onion. Got layers.” Kris took another bite of their candy apple.
“I don't think a candy onion would be very good though.” Susie stuck out her tongue, but she seemed to be thinking about it? Would Susie actually eat a candied onion? Kris should make one for her…
“Oh right!” Susie pounded a fist into her hand. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something, Kris.”
“What's up?” Kris asked as they swallowed down their bite of apple. The wheel was spinning again as more people got on. Kris couldn't see Noelle or Berdly, but they were presumably in the carriage directly below.
“So about last night. Or I guess? In general. Geez.” Susie leaned forward, scratching her arm. “I don't know how to bring this up, but is your mom treating you right? She's not neglecting you or anything, yeah?”
“She's not neglectful or anything. She drinks sometimes, but mom loves me.” Kris hoped that Susie didn't get a bad impression of Toriel. She seemed to look up to Toriel quite a bit.
“You say that, but…” Susie sighed and looked out the window. “You didn't have anything on your side of the room. Does she not buy you stuff? She bought stuff for your brother, right? So why don't you have anything?”
“Oh. That.” Kris took a big bite of their candy apple. Nearly all the candy coating was gone already. That was the best part. They looked at the apple thoughtfully. They would rather not talk about this topic, but it's not like they could run away while in a ferris wheel. “I threw everything away.”
“What? Why?” Susie looked back towards them, their brow lowered in concern.
Kris took a very deep breath. Of course Susie wanted to know more. Toriel never questioned Kris about why they had done it. But Susie wasn't one to let questions linger. “Are you sure you wanna know? It'll upset you.”
“Yeah dude. You can tell me anything.” Susie gave a forced smile. At least it looked that way to Kris.
“I'm being serious though. It's not happy or fun.” Kris wanted to have fun at the festival today. They didn't know everything, but they knew at least some of the upcoming prophecy. This might be the last time… they got to hang out with Susie… like… this…
They didn't want to tarnish this memory with something sad. They offered the rest of the apple to Susie, not sure what else to do with it.
“I want to know more about you.” Susie took the apple and devoured the rest in one bite. Even the stick? How? At least Kris didn't have to worry about finding a trash can to throw the stick away in now. “You're always so quiet, but like, you're talking a lot today. And it's just us here on the ferris wheel. You can tell me anything, no judgment, promise!”
“Okay…” Kris paused for a moment. It wasn't exactly just the two of them if the soul was here, but the soul wasn't paying attention so maybe this was a good chance? They glanced out the back of the carriage for a moment. They could see Berdly and Noelle from this angle, and it looked like Berdly was making poses of characters from Dragon Blazers, shaking the carriage. Noelle looked like she was going to both throw up and kill Berdly.
Kris couldn't keep staring at them. They were just trying to distract themself from this heavy topic. There was no avoiding it though. “Alright then. I threw everything away because I was planning on offing myself. I didn't want to leave a big mess for mom to clean up. So I threw it all away.”
“What!” Susie stood up, rocking the carriage. “Kris, you can't be serious!”
Ah, she was upset with Kris. This is why they didn't want to tell her. “Well I didn't go through with it.”
It wasn't that they hadn't tried though. They had even bought a rope. However as soon as they tied the noose the soul took over and threw it away. They tried with a knife after that, but they barely got to cut themself before the soul yanked control away again.
Toriel had brought them to the hospital after their suicide attempt. The soul lied to her and told her a knife slipped, it was just an accident. Kris didn't think their mom really believed that, but she didn't bring it up to them directly. Kris was put back in therapy for a bit though. Late one night not long after that, Kris found Toriel pouring over bills in the living room with a distressed look on her face. The guilt spiked up too high after that, Kris was costing their mom too much money and only making problems for her. So they didn't try again after that.
Ha. Kris wasn't even allowed to kill themself. How stupid.
“That's not the point dumbass!” Susie yelled at them. She had tears in her eyes though.
See, this is why Kris didn't want to tell her. It upset her this much.
“Why did you…” Susie sat back down, her eyes lowered to the ground. “Why did you want to do that?”
They couldn't exactly tell the truth, it would be too hard to explain the soul thing and they doubted the soul would even let them. So they had to tell a story as close to the truth as they could. “I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I'm the only human in a town of monsters. And I'm weird! But more than that, I never felt as if I had any control over my own life.” Kris balled their fists up in their lap. “I wanted some control, even if that was deciding when I die.”
Because Kris was certain that this adventure was going to end in their death. They couldn't die now, not when they were still valuable. But as soon as they were used up…
Their fingernails dug into their palms enough to start bleeding.
“Kris…” Susie got up and sat next to Kris. Kris couldn't even look at her. They felt so awful. They shouldn't have told Susie any of that. They wished they could take it back. Susie would be so much happier not knowing…
“Listen.” Susie leaned in closer to them. For some reason, having her so close felt comforting. “I don't know exactly what to say, and this'll probably sound dumb, but I get it. Where I lived before was all humans. They always… looked at me like I was filth. And I never had any control of my life either. I got passed around from foster home to foster home. But no one ever wanted to keep me…”
Susie trailed off. Kris assumed Susie had a bad home life, but it was worse than they imagined. They wished they could make it better for her. But… they couldn't even control their own body most of the time, so what could they do? Well, at least they could give her physical comfort. Susie's hand was right next to them, on the seat of the carriage. Kris placed their hand on top of her hand, hoping that would comfort her a little.
Susie… blushed? Which made Kris blush as well. What were they doing? But before Kris could take their hand away, Susie flipped her hand over and locked fingers with them.
Neither one of them acknowledged this. At least not out loud.
“Anyway, Kris, I just want to say I understand.” She squeezed their hand. “So if you ever feel like that again, you can talk to me. I'll always be there for you.”
“I will.” Kris was so grateful that Susie was there for them. It was stupid. Susie used to try and bully Kris and now they were the best of friends. Funny how quickly things can change.
“And Kris, once we get off this ferris wheel, I'm gonna win you some prizes at the festival! Both you and Ralsei aren't allowed to have empty rooms! I'm gonna fill them up until you don't even have room to move!”
Kris laughed at her enthusiasm. “I don't think my brother would appreciate that as much, but thank you. I know this is gonna sound so sappy and dumb, but I gotta say it now or I might never get the chance.”
“Yeah?” Susie looked at them, still holding onto their hand.
“I'm really glad we got to be friends.” Kris took a deep breath. Sometimes the soul said really dumb sappy things, but that wasn't really Kris’ style. However it felt needed at the moment. “I felt like I was in the darkness for a long time, but you came along and everything feels so… bright now. You're the light of my life.”
Kris looked over towards Susie. She was really blushing now. It was really cute? Why did Kris suddenly have the urge to kiss her? Why did they even think that? But… the soul wasn't in control… and this might be their only chance.
Kris put their hand on the side of Susie’s face. They leaned in even closer, looking directly into her eyes. Susie looked a little shocked, but she nodded her head, as if urging Kris on.
And Kris did just that. They leaned in all the way, their chapped lips connecting to Susie’s lips. They closed their eyes for the moment, enjoying the sensation. It was strange, but not at all unpleasant. Susie was a bit colder than they were, but as she moved her lips against theirs, Kris could feel her warming up… They opened their mouth, and then…
“AAAAAA!”
A scream behind Kris brought reality crashing back in, and they broke the kiss with Susie. What happened? Did a dark fountain open? Kris looked around and it took them a second to realize that the sound came from Noelle.
Noelle was pressed up against the glass of the carriage, looking directly at Susie and Kris. Noelle saw Kris looking at her, gave a shaky wave and quickly turned away.
“What's her problem?” Susie laughed, but she was definitely blushing a very deep shade of red. “Do you think Berdly is tormenting her too much? She should've told him off! She didn't have to ride with him.”
“Dunno.” Kris shrugged. The moment was gone now, but they had really kissed Susie and that made them so very happy. They felt a tiny bit of guilt for doing that in front of Noelle when she had a crush on Susie, but at the same time, Kris felt like they had fallen for Susie a tiny bit. And… if they really weren't going to live that much longer… they deserved to indulge a little right?
Kris put their head on Susie's shoulder. They hadn't let go of her hand yet, even if it was a little sweaty, they didn't plan on letting go any time soon. Susie tousled their hair before putting her head on top of theirs.
The ride was almost over, but they both stayed like that without saying another word. It wasn't awkward though, Kris had never felt more at peace.
Once they reluctantly got off the ferris wheel, the soul snapped back into control. Kris was used to it, but it still stung after their moment of freedom. Still, as Susie smiled at them, holding their hand tight, Kris allowed themself to hope for a future with her, even if just for a few fleeting moments.