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Minsu, I was sitting right beside you, you just have to know.
You just have to know I would never, ever leave you alone.
I held you from behind when you cried at night. I heard you whisper my name in the darkness, and every time it made my chest ache. You called for me, searched for me with your eyes, and I was right there, behind your back.
How could you not see me?
I was there when you found those damned pills. Remember how I told you to stay away from drugs? And you still...
Foolish.
But I understand. You wanted to see me, even if it was a lie. Even if it drove you mad. Even if the real me never left your side, not for a moment.
And we smiled together when Namgyu finally got what was coming to him. I was so proud of you.
It's strange to say. But I've never cared about anyone as deeply as I care about you.
It's just that you had that silly bangs and those puppy-dog eyes when you were looking for someone, anyone, who would want to be on your team. And I... for the first time, I felt like a girl. Just a girl who could blush from someone's gaze.
Ridiculous, right? I know.
I came for the money. I knew how to stand up for myself. Sharp words, bold smiles, it was all a shield.
And you were just vulnerable, genuine, and so soft. Softness is what I always needed so much. Maybe that's why I tried to stay close to you. Maybe that's why I...
Whatever.
It hurt when you didn't take my hand in the third game. I wanted so badly to feel your touch, but you ran away. Betrayed me.
And still I can't hold a grudge, I wish I could, but I can't. Because you had those full, trembling lips and cheeks that flushed with shame in front of me.
You were scared. I know that.
You threw that bottle, I know that too. You tried to help, but your hands were shaking and you missed. Not brave enough to save me, but brave enough to try.
It's not enough. It's enough. You didn't help me. But you wanted to. And that's enough.
I see myself in you—a little girl who needed protection and never got it. I learned to hide my fear. I learned to be strong and brave. I learned to protect myself. But you never learned how.
You're a coward, Minsu.
And I want to shelter you from this whole horrific mess.
Maybe it's selfish, but I'm glad you'll be here soon. You have nothing to do in that world reeking of copper and despair. There, you couldn't protect me, and I couldn't protect you.
But here I can.
Here I'll hold you for real, comfort you. Finally take your hand in mine. Tell you that I'm not angry. That I understand. That you're precious to me just as you are—weak, frightened, human.
And maybe… I’ll tell you something I’ve been meaning to say.
I run my hand down your back again and nestle into your trembling shoulder. I know it hurts. But it'll be over soon.
Minsu, I'm waiting for you.