Chapter Text
part one:
beautiful truths
chapter one
what they don’t tell you
╭────────────────╮
❝ they say when you meet
the love of your life, time stops,
and that’s true. but what they don’t tell you
is that when it starts again,
it moves extra fast to catch up. ❞
-big fish
╰────────────────╯
Tikki isn’t surprised when Plagg shows up at school mid-way through the year. She isn’t surprised when scads of girls surround him either, and not even when they practically beg him for a photo and an autograph in the strangest places one can possibly think of.
But despite her lack of surprise, she can’t fight her amusement. The whole scene is entertaining in its own way; from the way he flashes toothy grins at his admirers, the way he walks with such confidence that she almost envies it, and the way he does as much as glance at her. It fills her with remorse, and she wants to do something about it, she wants to go up to him and demand answers, she wants to command him to tell her where he’s been and why he hasn’t spoken to her in three long years.
But she only follows him with her gaze, dumbstruck when their eyes meet, angry when he looks away, sad when she can no longer see him. She can still, barely, hear his voice, drowned out by the sound of laughter and endless questions and greetings, and she feels her face hot, hot with unreasonable jealousy for all those girls who received a smile from him when he only looked at her once .
Marinette nudges her side, and she’s saying something, but Tikki only focuses on the fact that Plagg is back, back after years of separation and useless wondering. She thinks about the last time she saw him, standing at the airport as she watches him enter the plane. She thinks about how he turned around and waved, smiling so brilliantly that she almost forgot why she was sad. She waved back, eyes locked with the deep shades of forest green. She thinks about how he blew her a kiss as his father pushed him in the plane, and how she blushed at the gesture but still rolled her eyes.
She remembers how she couldn’t stop thinking about him for months and how he never called her despite saying he would. Every day , he’d said. Now, she knows that his promises of eternal friendship had always been empty. They had always been meaningless to him when they had meant everything to her.
But that’s just the reality, as sad as it leaves her, it’s the truth, and she can’t change the past nor the future and in some way, the present either. Not in this matter. In this matter, she is completely powerless.
And she hates that.
Kaalki calls her name again, and Tikki finally returns.
“Are you… okay?” she asks, and Tikki nods, lowering her gaze to the parchment floor.
“I’m fine…” she mumbles as they walk up the stairs, making their way to the classroom. “Just… surprised .”
And that’s a lie.
She’s everything but surprised. She had felt it in her very bones, tingling alarms at the back of her mind telling her that he was coming. She didn’t tell anyone about it, they’d think she’s gone mad for sure, so she kept this little secret to herself.
When magazines announced Gabriel Agreste’s newest upcoming fall line, she knew Plagg was coming back for sure. Then a week later, she read the same magazine and it announced the return of Plagg LeNoir in the modeling industry. Tikki already knew this, of course she did, but she never told her friends she knew.
She just knew, there’s no other way of explaining it.
And when they tried to tell her he’s returning, she changed the topic. Tikki doesn’t know why she avoids speaking about him like her life depends on it. She doesn’t understand why the mere mention of his name coming out of someone else’s lips shakes her in dismay. It really doesn’t make sense, not when he’s a consistent thought, returning to her time and time again. She wants to speak about him, she wants to tell her friends about the sleepless nights she spends thinking about him, she wants to tell them how her heart yearns for him even after his long absence.
But she can’t tell them.
When Tikki enters the classroom, her eyes land on him instantly. This time, he doesn’t even look at her, though she knows he’s aware of her presence in the way his back stiffens just the slightest. Marinette and Kaalki look at her; she can feel their gazes boring holes through her as she strolls to her usual seat.
No words are said at that moment, and it’s as if time decides to freeze.
Tikki can’t decide if it’s a good thing or not.
___________
Time passes more slowly after that, but all the same, it quickens that she can barely catch up with what’s happening. The idea of Plagg’s return still doesn’t settle in her head completely; it still feels like a faraway fantasy, like it’s all a dream that’s meant to only be dreamed.
It’s absurd because she sees him all day and she hears his name everywhere; in the hallways, in the classroom, in the news, and in her head. His name loops in her mind endlessly. It begins as a soft whisper of longing until it gradually transforms into a shout of pleading.
It’s ridiculous that she might want to beg him to speak to her, but it’s the truth anyway. She knows it’s stupid; she shouldn’t feel this way about someone who refuses to meet her eye, to talk to her. She shouldn’t want him after the way he lied to her with useless oaths, she shouldn’t want him after the way he ignored her for years.
But just because she shouldn’t doesn’t mean she doesn’t.
Because she does.
She wants him with every fiber of her being, she wants him with the entirety of her heart, she wants him completely and fully that there is no space for doubt. And regardless, Plagg wants nothing to do with her. He doesn’t say it, but after years of knowing him, she can practically read his mind.
She sees the message clearly and loudly. She sees it when he avoids eye contact, she sees it when he stops speaking if she’s near, she sees it when he flees a room if she’s in it. He doesn’t even want to be near her unless it’s strictly necessary.
And it all hurts.
Her whole body aches with pain, and she feels as if she might cry every time he shows her how much he doesn’t want her. This shouldn’t hurt, though, because this is also something she has known. She also felt this, a voice also whispered it, but she’d refused to believe it was true.
Plagg wouldn’t lie to her like that, never.
He would have never told her he loved her unless he truly meant it, he wouldn’t have kissed her in the twilight of an alley, stars dancing in the sky, if he didn't want her. Plagg wasn’t a liar; he was everything and anything but a liar.
But as she leaves the school, one last glance at him, she hears something suggesting otherwise. And even as she walks home, she can’t get the voice to stop talking. She can’t stop it from implanting doubt in her brain; she can’t stop it from murmuring possibilities she’s been refusing to think about.
By the time she gets home, it’s too late to turn back, the seeds of uncertainty are blooming.
___________
< 3 years, 2 months before >
He cups her cheeks so gently, her breath shudders in the air. “I love you, Tikki,” he says, voice so smooth that everything in her trembles. “I love you,”
Tikki doesn’t say anything; she can’t say anything because her mind suddenly forgets how to form words. Her thoughts swirl, repeating his statement over and over until she memorizes the exact way he said it. His lips ghost hers, hovering so closely that she can taste them already.
Her eyes flutter shut as their lips collide into a kiss, slow and gentle, a mere touch of their lips. An electricity formed in her chest, consuming her with every touch. Tikki feels like she’s soaring, like she’s flying in the air, surrounded by whirls of pink magic. She can feel her feet rising from the ground, and he can feel her head spinning in endless circles.
His lips taste like candy, undoubtedly so, and all she can think about is him; the moment, the kiss, him . His name repeats in her mind like a song, softly, and she can’t think of anything more beautiful than him.
Breathless, they break from the kiss, and she looks into his eyes, deep green, mysterious,s and dark, and another shock of electricity flows through her. He says her name like it’s the most precious thing in the world, everything in her flutters with butterflies.
He kisses her again, and she knows that there is nowhere else in the world she would rather be than with him.
___________
Tikki has heard millions of things about love.
Some say it’s the most powerful source there is, a wonderful sense of magic that only love can make you feel. Others tell tales of how it always saves the day, of how it comes in most unexpected ways, but always at the right time, even if it may not seem so. Everyone agrees that it's magic in real life, that love can make you do things never before imagined, that it’s strong and potent and beautiful.
But what they don’t tell you is that it’s hostile all the same, strong and enslaving, that once under its influence, there’s no escape. They don’t tell you about the heartbreak it brings along or the pain of unrequited love. They don’t say that it’s impossible to demolish a love for someone, no matter how much they hurt you. They don’t tell you that no matter how much you want to get over someone, no matter how hard you try, forgetting and trying to unlove is completely and utterly in vain.
It’s impossible.
But she lives with this truth every day, it’s imprinted in the sunshine and the moon, constantly reminding her that she’s been destined to live with a heartbreak, with loving someone who doesn’t love her back. She’s been doomed to live with memories of a perfect world with the one she loves, and she’s doomed to live with lies that she wishes so desperately were true.
It kills her a little more each day, but just the same, this love for Plagg fills her with life. It’s as if it’s the only thing keeping her alive.
It’s strange.
She knows it is, but it’s a fact she long ago accepted.
She thinks about this as she walks through the streets of Paris that afternoon, the sky melting from oranges and golds into gray and silver. It’s an astonishing sight, she thinks as she clutches her purse tighter in her hand, opening the door of the Dupain-Cheng Bakery.
Her lungs fill with the soft smell of freshly baked pastries, and she smiles slightly. But then she looks up, her eyes meeting a pair of familiar green ones.
And she wants to scream.
He’s standing there, so close yet so far, looking at her with the same amount of surprise that she feels. He’s there, holding a brown bag probably filled with Camembert et Coutre , opening his mouth as if to say something. He’s there and she can’t breathe, not really, not now, and perhaps not ever if he’s there because he takes her breath away with just one look — like always.
“Tikki,” his voice is meaningless, small, insignificant, just above a whisper. It’s filled with longing and disbelief, and she wants no more than to kiss him until she can’t remember her own name.
He’s there, eyes flickering with something she can’t quite catch, something she wants to chase after but can’t. He’s there ,and then he’s not. Then he’s gone through the door, his arm brushing hers just slightly, his strong cologne becoming her new oxygen.
Everything breaks inside her when the door closes.
___________
“Tikki,” she hears her name being called from the kitchen, her mother’s voice bouncing through the walls. “Come here, honey, it’s time to eat.”
Tikki sighs, placing her History book on her desk and sliding her feet in her ladybug-patterned slippers. She makes her way down the hall of her house, careful not to slip on the clean marble floors.
“Serve us all juice, please,” her mom says, her back facing the stove where she’s serving the food. Tikki does as she’s told, quietly, as her mom hums a song under her breath. “How was school, My Love? I heard someone is back—”
“It was fine!” Tikki cuts her off quickly. She doesn’t want to hear another word about Plagg. She doesn’t love him, she doesn’t want him, she doesn’t need him— these are all lies she tells herself. Lies that keep her alive. “It was good, we— uh, Marinette finally gave me that red dress I commissioned last month,”
Tikki can feel Madeline’s gaze on her, brooding and worried, but Tikki doesn’t look up. She focuses on the ice cubes instead, counting them one by one in as she lets them drop in each cup.
“That’s good,” Madeline replies, turning back to the stove,e and Tikki shuts her eyes tightly. “I’m glad your day was good, Love.”
She nods her head and doesn’t comment on the topic anymore. “Could we… watch a movie after supper, Mama?”
Her mom walks over to the round table, settling her father’s plate beside his favorite blue cup. “Of course,”
“Thank you,” she murmurs, and she can feel the tears building in the corners of her eyes. But it’s stupid, she shouldn’t cry, she shouldn’t cry, it’s stupid, she shouldn’t cry—
“Oh, honey,” her mother’s arms wrap around her as Tikki stares lifelessly at a cup filled with ice cubes, her fingers feeling hot because of the cold, her eyes feeling wet. And she’s crying, but she shouldn’t.
Not for him.
Not again.
“What’s wrong?” Madeline asks, slightly. “What happened?”
Nothing new happened , she thinks, it’s just Plagg. Plagg, who lied to me, who doesn’t love me or want anything to do with me, who hates me, but who I love so much, desperately and fully and forever.
Nothing new, nothing old, just the same.
Plagg doesn’t love her, doesn’t want her, doesn’t need her — these are truths she tells herself, truths that kill her ever so slowly.