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Phil was having a quiet day in the tundra, doing some repairs on clothes, when his dead son knocked at his door. At first, he assumed it was Techno- the piglin had been gone for several days now- however Techno usually only knocked once as a courtesy then walked straight in. The Butcher Army incident lingering heavily in his mind (while Phil hadn’t been here when they had come up to Techno’s house, he was still haunted by how his friend had almost been executed), Phil sighed, made sure his needle was somewhere he wouldn’t sit on, and got up to answer.
“Hello there Dadza,” Wilbur said. Crucially, he didn’t have the pallor his dead son usually had nor did he float. Instead Wilbur stood there healthy and whole, face slightly red from the cold.
“What the fuck,” Phil said.
“I can always expect a warm greeting from you dad,” Wilbur said drily. Phil grabbed his wrist, feeling a thumping pulse under his fingers, and pulled his son inside.
“How are you alive Wil,” Phil asked. Wilbur shrugged.
“I thought you’d know,” Wilbur said, “it seems to me that you’re the only person here who would want me back.”
“I’m not-,” Phil cut himself off, that was a conversation for another time, “how long have you been back? What do you remember?”
“I was in limbo for 13 and a half years, Philza,” Wilbur said. Phil tuned him out; Wilbur would be at this for a while, and he would surely hear the full story again later.
This is what he knew: Wilbur was alive (with three more lives or just one?), someone must have brought him back to life, most people on the server didn’t have fond feelings toward his son (not that Phil could blame them). If Wilbur was alive, was Schlatt as well? Would Dream come to kill Wilbur since he wasn’t supposed to be here? Was this part of some plot someone was cooking up?
“Then, yesterday, a train came to the station,” Wilbur was saying when Phil tuned back in, “what was I going to do but take it? I woke up in the cave you killed me in, overgrown by red vines, overlooking a significantly more destroyed L’manburg than I last saw. Congratulations on that, by the way, Tommy said-”
“Firstly I wouldn’t have done it if I knew it was your last life,” Philza objected, “secondly… the vines, did you hear them?”
“Did I hear the vines,” Wilbur asked, “they say I’m crazy but-”
“Shut up,” Phil said, “the vines, the Egg, did it speak to you?”
“No,” Wilbur said, maybe lying. Phil missed the days that Wilbur hid his hands behind his back when Phil asked if he’d had candy before dinner.
Techno had left 3 days ago to investigate the Egg, on an invitation from BadBoyHalo. Techno leaving for multiple days wasn’t unusual in and of itself, though he was much less flighty than Phil was, but they had agreed on more frequent communication. Techno had checked in on the first day, to complain about missing Steve, and yesterday when he said he was about to see Bad, but had yet to message today. The timing was all too convenient.
“Fuck,” Phil swore. He grabbed his sword, Benihime, from its place next to him and brushed past Wilbur on his way out of the house, towards the nearby vault.
“Good to see you too,” Wilbur called after him. Curiosity must have gotten the better of his son, because Phil heard footsteps crunch in the snow after him. Phil slapped a button onto the wall and slammed it, slipping under as soon as there was room. Behind him, Wilbur breathed out a soft, “holy shit.”
“You should have seen it when it was full of Wither skulls,” Phil replied. It held very few Wither skulls now and most of the contents of the vault had been moved down to the Syndicate room- both for easier access for Ranboo and Niki and because Tommy knew where the vault was and would certainly take what he could- but Techno was chronic over-preparer at heart and there was a lot to move.
There was still some supplies, a couple sets of armor, and many many chests of potatoes. Later Phil would make sure that the rest of the valuables were moved, since he was the one showing Wilbur and Wilbur would probably take what he could get after being dead for so long, but for now he focused on strapping on a set of netherite.
“What’s all this for,” Wilbur asked.
“Making sure Techno didn’t get himself in trouble,” Phil said.
“Why the sudden urgency,” Wilbur asked. Phil glanced at him, then tightened his bracers. Wilbur scoffed. “Techno wouldn’t-”
“Maybe not for you,” Phil agreed. But Techno had said for you the world and he always disregarded himself for his friends and allies. Wilbur popped open a chest and grabbed a sword. “I’ll get you stuff later mate.”
“Later won’t do much good if I’m coming with,” Wilbur said and gestured to him, “you’re the one that thinks all this is necessary.”
“Mate,” Phil objected.
“Can’t I want to see how dear old Techno is doing,” Wilbur asked in a saccharine sweet voice. Phil considered arguing with his son- his freshly alive son- but he didn’t really want to waste time on an argument he would probably lose.
“See if any of this armor fits,” Phil said. Wilbur scowled slightly, never fond of armor and poked at a few pieces. He only ended up with a chestplate and boots, but it was better than nothing. Phil also grabbed and passed over some enderpearls, extra tools, a few golden apples, TNT (perhaps unwise for Wilbur, Phil realized as soon as it left his hands, but what was done was done. It’s not like L’manburg could get any more blown up), and some basic supplies for what could be a tough fight. After a moment of consideration, Phil also grabbed the last few Wither skulls, enough to spawn two Withers, if they needed a distraction (these, he kept very much to himself).
Finally Phil tossed Wilbur a trident and water bucket and shot off toward the Badlands. He paused briefly when he landed to ensure Wilbur was actually following him, but Wilbur kept up. Their travels were smooth until Phil nearly put the trident through his wing when Dream’s voice interrupted.
“What the FUCK,” the admin cried. Phil thought about ignoring him, taking right off, but if the Egg was that big of a concern it might be of aid to have Dream’s knowledge or skill. “You’re supposed to be dead.”
“Not anymore,” Wilbur shrugged, cocky. Wilbur moved to throw the trident but Dream drew back an arrow. Now, Phil stepped between them.
“We’re looking for Techno,” Phil said, “I think he might know more. I take it you don’t understand how this has happened either?”
“No,” Dream snapped, approaching them, “you shouldn't be alive.”
“Dear old dad has said that my whole life,” Wilbur retorted.
"That joke doesn't work when I’m here to contradict that mate,” Phil said.
“I’m coming with,” Dream declared, “where do you think Techno is?”
“He was looking into the Egg,” Phil said.
"You never said, what is this ‘egg’,” Wilbur asked.
“It’s a parasite,” Dream spat, “it’s infecting the server.”
“And you haven’t gotten rid of it,” Wilbur asked.
“It’s more complicated than that,” Dream said sharply.
“I’m just asking, because we seem to be going after it half cocked,” Wilbur said.
“Your brilliant plan was to blow up your own country mate,” Phil said and threw the trident before the argument could continue. He hadn’t asked either of them to come anyway, but he heard two tridents soon after him.
They were able to travel through the air until the red vines became so thick that they tangled their feet when they tried to take off. Then, Phil took out an axe and started hacking his way through. Dream quickly joined him. They were only at it a short time when Wilbur shouted:
“Pearl!”
Phil and Dream jumped back, drawing into defensive positions. The pearl exploded about ten feet in front of them and out of the swirling End particles Techno emerged. But there was something wrong, he wasn’t even standing like himself and red vines crept intermittently over his body.
“Tech,” Phil asked. Techno- or the thing that looked like him- didn’t even glance at Wilbur or Phil but locked eyes with Dream, his towering figure somehow seeming even more massive than usual.
“Little Admin,” Techno said, his voice half purring instead of his usual awkward rumble, “I wouldn’t recommend you continue cutting those vines.”
“It’s my server,” Dream snarled. Wilbur smirked slightly, like he was going to make a joke but Phil glared at him, and Wilbur seemed to realize this wasn’t the time.
“There are many things that have been here long before you began to shape this land to your whims, child,” Techno spat.
“I’m no child,” Dream said. A shield rolled out of his inventory and into his grasp.
“Dream, don’t,” Phil warned.
“Are you going to fight on his side Philza,” Dream said, not taking his eyes off of Techno. The piglin’s face was slightly amused.
“You want unity don’t you Little Admin,” Techno said, “it’s why you’ve built that grotesque obsidian building, isn’t it? With my aid-”
“Did you offer Techno aid with something,” Philza demanded.
“Many of your denizens have already come under my aegis,” Techno continued, then admired his hooves, “including your dear allies BadBoyHalo and Technoblade. You were friends with BadBoyHalo once, weren’t you? Don’t you wish to rekindle that connection?”
“Attachments make you weak,” Dream said and launched himself forward. Techno caught his ax with his sword, practically flinging the smaller man backward, cackling. He pulled out a splash potion of weakness and threw it, narrowly missing where Dream was moments before. Techno tutted disapprovingly.
“You’ll come to see that you must accept my boon Little Admin,” Techno said, “all will, sooner or later.”
“Why don’t you go and fuck yourself,” Dream snarled. This time as he lunged forward, Phil joined him. Maybe if they could drag Techno far enough away, the Egg’s hold would break. Or they would come up with another solution, but letting Techno stay here longer seemed unwise.
Techno was able to block Dream, but Benihime sunk into Techno’s side. The piglin grunted and shoved Dream into Phil.
“Awfully eager to hurt your dear ally aren’t you,” Techno said, “if this vessel dies, I have more, do you?”
This made Phil waver, but Dream again lunged. This time his axe sunk into the meat of Techno’s shoulder, but it didn’t prevent Techno from slashing back.
“Dream,” Phil snapped, grabbing the admin’s arm. In the moment where Dream had to shake him off, Techno tried to withdraw and throw another splash potion. Key word being try . As he went to release it, it seemed his hoof would not loosen its grasp and Techno scowled. Now that was interesting.
Phil almost had to dive to get in front of Dream but he managed it, positioned so that Techno would have to hurt him to hit Dream. Techno’s sword literally halted in its swing. Though he recovered quickly to dash around Phil’s side, there was an obvious catch to his fighting style. And if Wilbur’s revival did suspiciously time up with Techno’s disappearance…
“Wil, get between Dream and Techno,” Philza said.
“Are you fucking insane,” Wilbur asked, “I don’t want to get between Techno and his bed! And that’s when he’s not possessed!”
“Fucking do it,” Philza snapped. Wilbur let out a put upon sigh, but did as instructed. He skidded to a stop right before Techno’s sword was about to cleave into Dream’s thigh. Wilbur literally had his eyes closed in anticipation of pain but the sword dropped and had to swing around to get a viable strike. Phil closed in another angle so that now Dream was covered on two sides.
“He can’t hit you,” Dream panted.
“Can’t hurt us,” Phil added, “not even sure he can talk to us.”
“That’s great,” Wilbur said, “but it really seems like he wants to kill Dream.”
“I don’t want to kill you Little Admin,” Techno said, stalking around them while Phil and Wilbur tried to keep the two separated, “I’d much rather we come to an agreement, like our dear friend Technoblade.”
“Seems like a shit bargain,” Dream contributed. He apparently spotted a hole and took it. Phil tried to reach after him but Dream was already out. Techno’s sword shattered Dream’s shield in a mighty hit. Now much lighter, Dream danced around Techno. But as soon as he was in the opposite direction from Phil and Wilbur, Techno threw Dream to the ground and hurled a splash potion of weakness on him.
Techno pulled a bucket of milk from his inventory. With Dream struggling to get up and not wanting Techno to have any more of an advantage, Phil knew he had to strike. As his sword swept out, Techno saw him, and Benihime clanged against the bucket and became lodged in the iron. Techno dropped the bucket, milk sloshing to the ground. In the moment Phil needed to free his weapon, Techno had grabbed another bucket of milk and downed it.
“You don’t have milk,” Wilbur yelled at Dream from somewhere behind Phil.
“You lost all three lives,” Dream returned.
“Yeah, and as someone newly invested in life, I think it’s time for a tactical retreat,” Wilbur said.
“No,” Phil and Dream snapped at once. Phil pulled out a splash potion of healing from his inventory just in time to see Techno drive his sword all the way through Dream’s chest. As soon as he dropped Dream’s body the red vines began to wrap around his limbs and envelop him.
Techno knelt next to him as Dream wheezed in pain. “You don’t want to die here, do you Little Admin,” Techno said. It was far too similar to the way Techno talked when he told Wilbur bedtime stories. Wilbur gesticulated frantically in Dream’s direction. Phil sighed.
He set up two towers of soulsand and two wither skulls apiece. “You’re about to have bigger problems than an admin,” Phil shouted and slammed the last two skulls down. The familiar rattling of Withers filled the air as Phil took an invis potion. Wilbur had also disappeared, but deep gouges in the red vines trying to crawl over Dream showed where he was trying to hack them away.
Unable to resist, Phil threw a healing potion on Techno as he passed and some of the gushing blood slowed. Phil didn’t bother with the vines, just grabbed Dream firmly and threw an ender pearl. As soon as he landed, he adjusted his grip on Dream’s nearly limp body and used his trident to take off.
Once they were a good few throws away, and Phil didn’t see Techno/the Egg coming after him, he set Dream down and poured a healing potion down his throat. Wilbur rippled into view next to him as the invis wore off and provided a golden apple. Dream reached up and grasped it weakly, groaning. Phil poured a splash potion directly onto the wound which, he knew from experience, hurt like a bitch. Dream winced as he chewed.
“We need a better plan than going in half cocked,” Wilbur helpfully contributed.
“Fuck off,” Dream and Phil said.