Archive of Our Own ^beta

gc: those ywo gays are a pain in the ass [chim, hen, ravi, bobby, athena, maddie, karen]

Chim

I'm fed up, I can't take it anymore

I'm going to kill myself.

Or I'll kill them, not that the world would suffer anything from it.

Maddie 

Do you know that you're talking about your brother-in-law?

My BROTHER???

Chim

Yes.

I reiterate what I said.

Hen

If you need any help, I am at your service.

Karen

no, you're not doing shit

Hen

😔

Athena

I still wonder why I ended up in this group chat.

Hen

because you like gossip.

especially THIS gossip.

Chim

sorry but have you seen them???

ARE YOU WATCHING THEM?

Maddie

No

Athena

No, because I'm working. You should do it as well.

Hen

[photo attached: Buck looks at the phone sitting on the couch while Eddie snoozes snuggled on his chest]

Now you've seen them

Maddie

Oh

I won't comment on this

Athena

Now I see why I ended up in this gc

Ravi

I don't understand such a reaction from you all

isn't it normal? they are together

Maddie

What

Hen

what

Athena

What

Karen

WHAT

Chim

ravi

the thing is they're NOT a couple

if they were a couple it would be VERY NORMAL but they are NOT

so that's not normal.

Ravi

oh fuck really??

no okay this is not normal

holy shit that's BAD man

Chim

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!

Karen

come on, you have to admit they're cute

Athena

Karen is right

They are two idiots but they are lovely for some strange reason

Hen

you only say that because asshole one is practically your son

Athena

No comment

Chim

however

we have to do something

we need to ACT

Maddie

No, you won't do shit

Let nature take its course

Hen

tf

it's not like going to shit

Chim

don't use that tone with my wife

but is hen right, tf?

Ravi

I say they're opening their eyes

they are much closer since eddie came back from texas and buck is no longer a fucking downer

in short, this could all come to a very pleasant end, both for their SEVEN YEARS OF HOMOEROIC FRIENDSHIP and for our SEVEN YEARS OF AGONY

Hen

OUR seven years

for you is four

maybe five

Chim

eheh

probie

Ravi

fuck you

Karen

Ravi is right, it won't be much longer if they're at this point

Maddie

I agree

Athena

Absolutely

Ravi

THANK YOU

Chim

it hurts me to admit it but the probie is right

They have never behaved this way

Here is LOVE blooming

Hen

I'm ready to bet.

Karen

no

Hen

you're no fun 

who's in

Chim

$50 the gays get together for Halloween

Maddie 

You're really sure of yourself, Howard Han

Hen

too sure

I bet $50 by September

Ravi

me too

Chim

well

my best friend allied with the probie

the betrayal

Ravi

don't cry too much

Chim

fuck you both

now

maddie and karen?

Karen

no thanks

my wife will already make us lose 50 dollars, I don't want to risk it

Hen

rude

Maddie

I will not bet on my little brother's love life

Athena 

I will

$200 that within two months they reveal their relationship

Chim

oh oh, what a confident girl

bobby will not be happy to lose so $200

Ravi

why 2 months?

why no more

Athena

Because they have been going around for years, now that they are together they will not be able to keep their hands off each other

They will end up getting caught at some point

Or, to end it right away, they will come to us

Hen

athena, I thought you were more careful

they're too stupid

Athena

You've got a point Henrietta 

Y'all really think I'll lose?

Chim

no, we don't think so

absolutely

we're sure of that.

Athena

We'll se. 

Of course, the winner takes it all.

Maddie 

Athena is really confident, seriously!

Chim

she's too much

my love, get ready, we'll have $350 all to ourselves

Hen

halloween is still SIX months away

something random could happen to you that would end your life in this long time frame

Karen 

ouch

Ravi

hen is right

anything

Chim

fuck off

Bobby

$50 and I add myself to my wife

They're stupid, but not that stupid

Chim

love how you appear and disappear so randomly between conversations

hilarious 

OKAY SO

the jackpot has risen to the beautiful sum of $400

honey get ready for the most luxurious dinner of your life

Karen 

hey don't sing victory Han

Hen

thank you my love ❤️ 

Karen

I'm not saying you'll win because you obviously won't

Hen

💔 

Karen

and if you won, half of the winnings would go to Ravi

Ravi 

exactly henrietta

Hen

don't call me henrietta anymore or you won't live long enough to receive the other half

Ravi 

yes ma'am

Chim

however you have a better chance than bobby and athena

like

really?

Bobby 

I trust my wife, she's never wrong

Chim

this time she IS wrong

Athena

Start crying asshole

Hen

ATHENA

Chim

rude

Bobby

Perfect now stop minding other people's business and do something useful

Get back to work

Chim

what?? 

you won't say anything to your wife for treating me like that

bobby 

bobby??? 

BOBBY!!!

[private messages: buck and eddie]

Buck

babe

babe

babe

Eddie

You're literally sitting in front of me

Buck

I hate you

die

Eddie

No, you don't hate me

Buck

how do you know

Eddie

This morning I had your tongue in my mouth

Buck 

doesn't mean I don't hate you

Eddie

So do you hate me?

Buck

no

Eddie

Exactly

Now

Tell me honey, what is it?

Buck

nothing

I love you ❤️

Eddie

I love you too ❤️

[private messages: bobby and athena]

Bobby

Are you really sure you're going to win?

Athena

Do you doubt your wife Bobby?

Bobby

I never have and I never will, but you know, it's Buck and Eddie

Athena

You have to trust me my love

Now I have to leave you, I got a call

I love you

Bobby

I love you too

gc: A-SHIFT [hen, chim, ravi, bobby, eddie, buck]

Bobby

We are offline for the next two hours 

Wash up, change and then come up for dinner

Ravi

sir yes sir

Buck

I'll go first thank you, I'm the worst off

Chim

shut up buckley

Buck

die chim

Hen

🤺🤺

that's my best friend!!

Chim

love you <3

Eddie

🤺🤺🤺

And the other one is MY best friend!!

Buck 

I love you so much 

you are the man of my life

FUCK YOU CHIM

Chim

I am still the father of your niece, you know that right?

I can revoke all uncle privileges

Buck

I'll tell maddie

Chim

no come on

Buck

🖕

Bobby

CAN YOU PLEASE STOP?

I would like to remind you that this group is only and exclusively for work and occasionally for things besides work, not to fight like children

Thank you

Ravi 

?????

bobby?

Hen

oh god

Ravi

who the hell are you and what have you done with bobby nash

Chim 

oh GOD

gc: those two gays are a pain in the ass [chim, hen, ravi, bobby, athena, maddie, karen]

Hen

[screenshot attached: buck saying on work chat that eddie is the man in his life]

is the murder option always available?

i ask for a friend

Ravi

seriously what are we talking about

this is so embarrassing i can't take it anymore 

i hate gay people.

Chim

ravi 

you are literally gay

Ravi

pansexual 

asshole

Chim

I hate you

Maddie 

See? Let nature take its course

Chim

shouldn't you be working?

like

saving lives yk

Maddie 

And you?

Chim 

touché

[private messages: buck and eddie]

Buck 

that was very sexy

you know

defend my honor

Eddie

I will always defend your honor

But if this is a veiled way of asking me for a quickie in the bathroom the answer is no

Buck

you hate me

💔

Eddie

We are at work amor

Buck

DBOAOHAGAJK

how dare you??

you can't call me that and expect me to not want you to DESTROY me

Eddie

Sorry mi amor

Buck

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

[Twitter]

buck @firehose_buckley: 

the betrayal...

→ chim @smokinchimney: i hope eddie has something to do with this

replying to chim @smokinchimney → buck @firehose_buckley: i hope you implode

replying to buck @firehose_buckley → chim @smokinchimney: womp womp

replying to chim @smokinchimney → rav @rravioli_ : how old are you, two?

replying to rav @rravioli_ → chim @smokinchimney: shut up probie

replying to rav @rravioli_ → buck @firehose_buckley: shut up probie

gc: buckley-diaz family [eddie, buck, chris]

Buck

at the supermarket rn you guys want anything?

Eddie 

We need juice and cereal 

And cheese 

And onions

Chris

doritos

and gatorade

Eddie

Can you get that chili chocolate too?

Buck 

okay noted

anything else???

[private messages: buck and eddie]

Eddie

Honey get some lube too

We're out of it

Buck

right away

Eddie

🍆😜

Buck

JAYKANOJBHAPLAJKAP

EDDIE

Eddie

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

[private messages: eddie and tommy]

Tommy

Hey Diaz, are you in for a beer tonight?

Eddie

Me perdonas, el padrón no está en la casa :)

Tommy

Come on Diaz, are you still mad at me?

Eddie

No wait didn't I block you??

Anyway I'd rather take a train RIGHT in the face

OH LOOK A TRAIN!!! gotta go!!

[you blocked this contact]

gc: why is tommy kinard still alive? because murder is illegal [hen, chim, ravi, maddie, karen, eddie, josh]

Eddie

[screenshot attached]

???

What the fuck does this guy want?

Hen 

bruh

Josh 

I don't know whether to call you a diva or not

Eddie

Why are you still here anyway?

Josh

Well it's because of me that you can be called gay

Eddie 

EW

TF???

[Eddie has left the chat]

Josh

NO WAIT IT SOUNDED VERY BAD.

Hen

🤨🤨

Ravi

🤨🤨🤨🤨

Josh

WAAAAAIT

😭😭😭

Hen

[Hen added Eddie]

Eddie

NO 

HELP

Ravi

eddie???

Eddie

😭

Josh

I didn't mean it in that sense

Kill me

Eddie 

With pleasure

Ravi

diaz murder is illegal

Eddie

Too bad

Maddie

I'll pretend I've read all of this

[Twitter]

eddiaz @eddiebodywantssome:

why that helicopter hasn't fallen yet PLEASE🙏

→ mads @maddbuckleyhan_ : EDDIE!!!

→ joshh @joshuaaadispach: okay no who is this DIVA 💜💜

rreplying o joshh @joshuaaadispach → joshh @joshuaaadispach: as long as it's referring to you know who

replying to joshh @joshuaaadispach → eddiaz @eddiebodywantssome: I was referring to temu

replying to eddiaz @eddiebodywantssome → rav @rravioli_ : no way 

→ athena @sergeantgrantnash_ : Eddie?

replying to athena @sergeantgrantnash_ → eddiaz @eddiebodywantssome: i didn't do anything illegal technically

gc: those two gays are a pain in the ass [chim, hen, ravi, bobby, athena, maddie, karen]

Hen

me and the probie raise the ante to $100 each

Ravi

exactly bitches

Hen

get ready to lose sluts

Chim

wowowo

so the ante is raised to???

Karen 

500

Chim

okay thank you

WOW

Athena 

That's called high stakes

Now we start reasoning

Karen

wait 

HEN?? 

you know it's my money too right???

Hen

you have so little confidence in me...?

Karen

my love I have confidence in you

just not for this

Hen

😞

Athena

Why this change guys?

Ravi 

today dumb and dumber were holding hands as they left the firehouse

but like

awkwardly

like

touch not touch

Athena

Oh really?

Chim

don't sing victory 'thena

doesn't mean they are already together

Hen 

we are talking about dumb and dumber

Athena

We will see

[private messages: buck and eddie]

Eddie

I'll stop by the store to get something

Need anything?

Buck

eddieeeeee

can you get me an antinausea?? 

I'm slowly dying

Eddie 

Still sick?

Buck

yes :(

Eddie 

Maybe you're pregnant

Buck 

impossible 

we were always careful

or at least the first few times then upsie

Eddie 

True 

Wait 

...

Buck 

what

...

I don't know who is more stupid between us if you who said it or me who went ahead

Eddie

I almost had a panic attack

Buck 

HAGJAKKALA

wait 

don't you want a baby with me???

Eddie

Oh of course I do 

Absolutely 

First though I want to marry you

Buck

FKFJKDKDKSKLSU

WHAT?

Eddie

Anyway I'm on my way out, I also got you hair curler and those candies you like 

By the time you get over your nausea

Buck 

❤️❤️

Eddie

I'll be home in 10 minutes

Buck 

as soon as you get home I'll suck your dick until you pass out

Eddie

I'll be home in 5 minutes

Buck 

don't run a red light

Eddie 

My boyfriend promised me a blowjob when I get home so fuck the red light.

I'll be home in 5 minutes.

gc: A-SHIFT [hen, chim, ravi, bobby, eddie, buck]

Bobby

Please be advised that next week you are all invited to the Grant-Nash family monthly barbeque

If you would like to bring something you are very free to do so

Chim

maddie, jee and I will be there 

maddie offers to bring her potato salad

Hen 

YESSS thanks maddie🫶

me, karen and the kids will be also there 

Ravi 

I'll bring my fabulous and nice presence

Buck 

kill yourself

Ravi

i call human resources

BOBBY!!!

BOBBY THE HUMAN RESOURCES 

BOBYYYY!!!

Bobby

I don't see I don't hear I don't speak

Ravi 

favoritism...

Eddie

Buck and I will bring abuela tamales

Chim

buck and I????

Hen

buck and I???

Ravi

you and buck???

Chim 

probie you ruined the chain

Ravi 

sorry my fault let's move on

Eddie

Yes, Buck and I because we live together so we bring one thing

It's no use bringing twenty thousand things

Hen 

this makes me think...

@buck you haven't found a house yet?? it's been months

Buck 

ehhh 

none were suitable to my standards

and then eddie doesn't mind

Eddie

True

Ravi 

AGHHHH

[Twitter]

rav @rravioli_ : 

i hate gay firefighters. not all of them, just those two specific gay firefighters.

→ rav @rravioli_ : i am a gay firefighter, let's be clear.

replying to rav @rravioli_ → buck @firehose_buckley: ???

→ rav @rravioli_ : gay firefighters and also stupid

replying to rav @rravioli_ → buck @firehose_buckley: ?????

[private messages: buck and chris]

Chris

lucas asked if I could stay over tonight

we'll eat pizza 

play ps5

you could pick me up tomorrow after lunch maybe???

Buck

you have to ask your dad kid

Chris

🤨🤨

no shit sherlock

what do you think I'm doing???

Buck 

okayokayokay

you can go

text if you need 

Chris 

thankseee

Buck

...

wait 

WAIT

CHRISSS

SBDKHIAOPALLMOUWKSJ

I'm gonna die

love you kid

😭😭

Chris

love you too buck

[private messages: buck and eddie]

Buck

EDDIEEEE

😭😭

YOUR SON

AGHHH

HE'S ADORABLE

I love him

Eddie

He is our son buck

Buck

JSBJNZJIJSBJX

I'm going to die

[private messages: buck and maddie]

Buck

[screenshot attached]

I LOVE HIMMM

I love him so much mads

Maddie

Tell me something I don't know

Buck

you are not funny

Maddie

Bruh I didn't mean to be

😚👍

Buck

being with chimney is not good for you 

gc: those two gays are a pain in the ass [chim, hen, ravi, bobby, athena, maddie, karen]

Maddie

[screenshot of buck forwarded]

[screenshot of chat with buck attached]

It's not convenient for me to comment on this 

Ravi

damn bro

Athena

Who was overconfident?

Chim

this continues to prove nothing

we already knew they were stupid for each other

you still remain the least likely to win my dear

Karen

I think she is now the MOST likely to win

Athena

Thank you

Chim

nuh uh

and to prove it I want to add $200 to my share so from 50 I bet $250

Maddie

HOWARD HAN!!!

Hen 

someone goes blank tonight

Chim 

I'm sure I can win that nice $700

Athena 

Wait and hope Chimney

Wait and hope

[private messages: buck and eddie]

Eddie

Second round?

I'm ready for a second round

Buck 

you literally just left the room

by the way bring me candies pleaseeee

Eddie

It was already in the plans

However you didn't answer me

Buck

was already in the plans

obviously

Eddie

Great

Buck

...

so tomorrow we'll say it at the barbeque??

thay we've been together for a while now

Eddie

You don't want to?

Buck

yes I want

just

you sure???

Eddie

To tell our family that you are the love of my life???

Absolutely 

Buck

fuck I love you so much

hurry get here

right away

Eddie

coming my love

gc: A-SHIFT [hen, chim, ravi, bobby, eddie, buck]

Bobby

Where are Buck and Eddie?

Ravi

you sure you want to know captain?

I wouldn't want to know.

Bobby

Ravi.

Chim

I concur the probie this time.

Buck

WE ARE COMING WE ARE COMING

my fault I had to do something

Hen

@eddie are you the something???

Eddie

🤭🤭

Hen

????

Ravi

????

Chim

aw mann

[Twitter]

retweeted by chim @smokinchimney:: 

rav @rravioli_ : i hate gay firefighters. not all of them, just those two specific gay firefighters.

→ chim @smokinchimney: aww man my wife will kill me...

replying to chim @smokinchimney → mads @maddbuckleyhan_ : Howard Han I'm going to kill you

replying to mads @maddbuckleyhan_ → athena @sergeantgrantnash_ : you can kill him after he gives me the $250 he owes me

replying to ad athena @sergeantgrantnash_ → chim @smokinchimney: athena please don't let her PLEASE🙏

gc: thos two gays are a pain in the ass [chim, hen, ravi, bobby, athena, maddie, karen]

Bobby

I told you that my wife is never wrong.

Gallina

at least I didn't lose $250

Ravi

me too girl

😚😚

Karen

shut up you two are no better

Gallina

💔💔

Ravi

💔💔

Chim

you have no compassion

you are terrible human beings

Atena

When can I say "I told you so"?

Chim

I can feel your enjoyment from here

stop it

Atena

Now if you'll excuse me, my dear husband and I have to think about how to enjoy this money

Good night

[private messages: eddie e athena]

Athena

I put your $350 on your nightstand when I “went to the bathroom” earlier.

Check under your book

Eddie 

Thank you very much Athena

It was a real pleasure doing business with you

Athena

The feeling is mutual Eddie

Thanks again for helping me win

Eddie

Your victory is also mine, so you are welcome to it

We should do it again, we are a good team

Athena

As always, as soon as there is something, you will be the first to know.

You still haven't told me how you are going to enjoy the $350

Eddie

Adding up the ones I've put aside in the last few months, I've saved enough money

Buck is a special man, so he deserves a special ring

Athena

OH MY GOD

EDDIE!!!