Chapter Text
It was a cold, wet night when dean arrived back at the bunker, The hunter was at least gone for three days, doing a hunt on his own, whilst Sam was helping Jody out with a small problem. So, dean said he could do this hunt on his own right? Vampires couldn’t be that hard, he has done it a lot more times then he can count, although Sam had his doubts about Dean going alone, he didn’t argue his older brother, dean could clearly make his own decisions.
But maybe, this time dean was wrong, it all went wrong as wrong as it can go for the older hunter. It was just a simple hunt kill the vampires save the child, but it didn’t go that way, the vampire lady got the small child before dean could get a grip on her and stabbed the little one just to get to the hunter. The smaller one collapsed to the ground and the vampire ran away. Dean couldn’t care less about the lose vampire right now, he rushed towards the little girl that was now laying on the ground gasping for air while fighting for her life. As soon as dean was sitting next to her he grabbed the back of the girls’ fragile head, there were a million thoughts running trough deans mind, but he knew to try to stay calm for not to scare the little girl more then she already is.
‘’What is your name sweetheart?’’ The hunter asked softly with a hoarse tone, because of the tears he was trying to hold back, as he brushed the blond locks from the girls’ eyes shakingly.
‘’Isadora’’ the little one replied between coughs, there was more blood flooding down out of the smaller one’s stomach, Dean knew that she didn’t have long anymore and that there was no way of saving her now.
‘’that’s a beautiful name’’ Dean said back, the hunter looked away from the scene in front of him to gather his thoughts when a tear escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek. Dean looked back at the dying child ‘’just close your eyes now’’ Dean wanted to make this easier for her, he forced a small smile on his lips as Isadora did what he asked her to do, when her eyes were closed he pulled her against his chest, when dean heard the child’s last breath he cried and pressed a soft kiss on the small child’s head.
When dean came back at the bunker bruised, soaked, and hurt both physically and mentally. He threw his duffel bag against the wall, not caring if anyone could hear him, dean didn’t even know if anyone was in the bunker at this moment. He rapidly moved down the stairs and rushed towards his room he needed to get to his own personal space where he could let it al out, the hunter slammed his door shut once he was inside of his room, Dean didn’t move he stood still letting it all sink down.
Tears began to stream down his cheeks as he couldn’t hold back the overwhelming wave of emotions, and the sound of his sobs filled the room, he felt weak, vulnerable and angry, really angry that he let that child down, angry at himself that he couldn’t be on time to save her, he knew if he would’ve been there sooner that the child would have lived, and now he has to live with that, and no way he would accept that at-least for now. In the moment he grabbed a bottle from the nightstand taking a big swig from it and threw it against the wall with force, he swirls himself around and kicks the nightstand a bit to hard for his own good and in all likelihood that he may have broken his toe, dean didn’t notice or care about it, but he was screaming and threw everything off the nightstand, not before he took the little glass from the nightstand that still had a bit of alcohol into it and drank it all, dean smashed it onto the smaller table, the glass shattered into little glass pieces that cut right into deans hand leaving a big cut in the middle of his palm.
‘’shit’’ Dean said out loud looking at his injured hand, ‘’whatever’’ he muttered under his breath, after he collected his thoughts as far as he could, the hunter sat down on the edge of his bed, exhaustedly putting his hand over his forehead brushing away the damp hair. As Dean thought it couldn’t get any worse the door slowly opened.
Castiel didn’t know that Dean came into the bunker, but when he heard crashing sounds, which meant someone was in the bunker. He knew that the sounds were coming from Deans room. It didn’t take long for Castiel to reach Deans room and open the door; the moment he opened the door he saw the mega destruction that he happened to hear earlier. Castiel began to scan the room at his right, the nightstand with broken glass around it and on it, with a lot of blood around glass pieces on it. The blood clearly worried the angel, his eyes trailed down onto the hardwood floor with more glass and blood. Castiel began to scan the room further following the blood drops into the back of the bedroom.
‘’Dean?’’ Castiel called out worried that Dean might have hurt himself. He opening the door further, as soon as Castiel stepped foot into the room Deans head perked up looking directly at the angel with puffy eyes from crying earlier.
‘’get out of my room, Cas.’’ Dean bite back, looking down again avoiding eye contact. He didn’t mean to be mean towards Castiel, but he wasn’t in the mood for peppy-preppy talks. And he clearly didn’t want anyone around right now, rather be mean and shut people out then show them your vulnerability, not when he is bleeding and hurt physically and mentally anyway.
Castiel didn’t have any of it when his eyes locked on deans’ hand where there was definitely blood coming from. The angel is getting really worried for dean now and there was no doubt that it could be seen on his face. Castiel wasn’t going to leave dean in this state not like this bleeding, hurting, he was going to help dean, and if dean didn’t want Castiel around afterwards he would respect his wishes. With that he is doing the exact opposite of what dean asked him to. Castiel made his way towards dean and crouched in front of him a little between his legs. Now the angel could have a better look at deans’ face.
‘’Dean I’m not going to leave you like this, let me heal you’’ he said worriedly slightly raising his arm placing it on deans’ shin.
That wasn’t what dean needed comfort and affection he wanted to be left alone completely in his thoughts, but Castiel wasn’t going to leave anytime soon it only made dean more pissed and he knew if Castiel wasn’t going to leave soon he was going to hit him, he did look up towards Castiel to only meet him with a stare that could kill.
‘’you want to heal the damn cut fine, but just do that. I don’t want some damn pity talk or comfort or anything. You aren’t good at that kind of crap anyway’’
Castiel looked confused back at dean, he didn’t understand why dean suddenly was so angry and hateful towards him, the angel thought he was doing a fine job at taking care of dean and showing him love and affection.
‘’of course, dean’’ the shorter man said with a soft smile, his worried expression didn’t fade. He moved his hands towards deans injured hand and took it gently into his like it was the most fragile thing that ever existed, pulling it slightly closer to him. Meanwhile Dean was confused why Castiel was so careful with him, but he wasn’t in the mood to pick up another fight, so he’d let it slide. Once Castiel had pulled dean closer to his face, maybe the angel was going to far with this, but he wanted to show dean that he cared for him, but he pressed his lips softly on the knuckles of the injured hand healing dean with his kiss, naturally Castiel knew that dean knew kissing wasn’t necessary a way for healing.
Dean isn’t as angry as he was before Castiel was sitting in front of him, he was still angry, but it subsided. Dean is annoyed that Castiel wasn’t leaving him alone and just doing the exact thing he didn’t want him to do, underneath all that he felt a small amount of guilt bobbling up when he looked at Castiel, but he quickly pushed it down. Dean knew that he should be a lot angrier at the angel for kissing him, but he simply couldn’t and couldn’t help but faintly admit to himself that he kind of liked it. In the back of deans mind it threw him off that Castiel kissed him in fact Castiel was never so affectionate, it triggered in Deans mind that something was off about this.
‘’you’re lucky you’ve got healing grace, or I’d be a hell of a lot more pissed at you’’ The older hunter said firmly with a sharp tone but felt relieved when his hand didn’t hurt anymore however his toe is another story.
Castiel got more confused by the minute why dean was acting so strangely all of the sudden. they used to be a lot closer with each other for the past year, Dean would’ve told him his problems when he felt like this, but now? Dean was acting that the angel didn’t mean anything to him. And that pains him in a way that he couldn’t describe, yet he is going to drop it, the shorter one didn’t want to disturb the hunter more then he already is, maybe he just needs time? Or the hunt did really go way more wrong then he thought.
‘’does it hurt anywhere else?’’ Castiel asked. After he asked that the angel noticed he was still holding deans hand. He carefully placed deans hand back on the hunter his leg. Castiel didn’t understand why he hasn’t pulled away yet since he wasn’t in the mood for him to be there at all to begin with.
‘’Nope. My toe’s busted though. If you can take care of that too, awesome. If not, leave me alone’’
‘’Okay’’ Castiel said, looking up at dean knowing that wasn’t the only thing that might’ve hurt dean. The angel trailed his eyes around deans body, now noticing the bruises from the hunt. Castiel sighed and stood up.
‘’don’t lie to me dean’’ Dean only scoffed at the comment, the shorter one placed his hand on Deans forehead healing everything except for the toe, the angel wanted to give him some more extra attention, Castiel pulled his hand back and crouched down again in front of him.
‘’you could’ve healed my toe at the same time Cas’’ The hunter said firmly raising his eyebrow, but this only made Castiel smile, and that confused Dean.
‘’I know, but i didn’t want to’’ the angel said with a smirk, paying his attention back at deans feet. This only annoyed dean more that Cas wasn’t leaving him alone and just finding excuses to stick around longer than he has to, but a part of him didn’t want to be alone now. The angel didn’t meet deans eyes anymore his attention was fully on his feet, he took deans shoe off and then his sock carefully. Dean was just watching Castiel weirded out why he was touching his feet and taking everything off whilst he didn’t even need to do that, nonetheless he didn’t say anything about it letting him do whatever he wanted at the moment. The angel wrapped his hand around the injured toe and healed it to and placed deans feet back again. The hunter was right Castiel didn’t need to take his shoe and sock off but the angel wanted that, to show that he cared if dean was hurt or not. He knows that Dean doesn’t want him around now.
Castiel stood up and leaned closer towards dean and said worried ‘’just be careful okay? If anything is wrong or you just need me ill be there’’ after that he leaned in to kiss dean quickly on the lips, smiling with adoration, with that Castiel started to walk towards the room.
That kiss caught Dean completely off guard, his best friend just kissing him? On the lips!? All those interactions made him really disorientated. The hunter didn’t get what’s going on or why Castiel has been acting this way. Dean has acknowledged months ago that he has developed feelings for him but he never acted on them, and in all sincerely he didn’t want to admit it to himself, and definitely not to the angel, the hunter needed answers or something else so he could make sense of this all. When dean finally collected his thoughts he saw Castiel walking towards the door he snapped out an annoyed.
‘’Damn it, Cas wait’’ the smaller man heard when dean called out what caused him to stand in his tracks. The hunter didn’t want to be a ass towards the angel but he didn’t want him to pry in his business ‘’What in the hell was that kiss for? You’re not normally like this.’’ The Winchester shouted out.
As soon as Cas heard what Dean said he walked back towards the hunter, the moment Castiel stood next to Dean again he raised his eyebrow ‘’what do you mean?, we’ve been acting like this since you confessed your feelings to me a year ago?’’ the angel said worried for deans well being, as the though came that the hunter might’ve hurt himself ‘’did you hit your head on the hunt?’’
Deans jaw dropped in response when he heard the angel speak, even though he still felt a bit angry inside another feeling showed up doubt. This how everything is going isn’t how’d he known their relationship. It wasn’t right it didn’t feel right something must be going on. Dean couldn’t figure out what or how, but he should trying to find out soon. When dean finally calmed himself enough down he spoke up ‘’What? We’re not…. You and I aren’t…”
Then it dawned on him, of course this wasn’t real. How could it be? They obviously weren’t a couple. But deep down he wanted it to be real, for Cas to care about him like that. The only thing that could mess with the unconscious like this was a stupid djinn. Yeah, now he remembered everything, how the hunt went terribly wrong. That he thought he could do this all alone. How stupid. Now he was stuck, trapped in this world. Deans deepest desire. That’s why the angel is all lovely dovely with him. Cas was his deepest desire, he should be otherwise he wouldn’t act like this, the hunter knew he was angry with the angel before for not leaving him alone. The hunt with the kid dying wasn’t even real either, he has no reason to be mad at him at all, the hunter already felt a ton lighter thinking about that. He couldn’t deny, he might secretly like this. It also scared him a little that if he might admit this that his feelings are real, that he truly loves the angel that this would be real for him, his feelings. It was a kind of dream right? None needs to know. A few days burying himself in the love he will receive from the fake angel, wouldn’t be to bad as long he doesn’t die in the real world. Waking himself up from this world, needing to be careful not to drown. Maybe one day when he has to courage to admit the love he has to himself, he would allow himself to dream, to be like this with the real Cas
The angel didn’t understand why dean was acting like this, how could he not remember the past year how they spent it, how dean finally came out to Sam, saying that they are together. Maybe dean did get badly injured from the hunt. In a split second Castiel sat down next to dean on the bed and examined him, carefully placing his hand on his forehead, using his grace to make sure Dean didn’t have a concussion. In response the hunter closed his eyes and leaned himself against his hand. Even though this was fake it felt all to real. The angel took this as a sign that he was okay. He couldn’t help but to ask.
“Are you okay?” Castiel asked, with cation he brushing his hand against Deans forehead, ;this is all a dream right; the hunter thought again and over again, nothing bad could happen from this, it was just a deep little secret that none would know about, even when he would wake up from this. He could do whatever his heart desired and none would have a say in it or he wouldn’t be judged by the people he cared about.
‘’I’m peachy Cas, it was probably a mild concussion. But it’s fine now, you healed it’’ The hunter smiled gently, meeting the same gaze his angel gave him. It felt nice finally be able and allowed to call him that. It made him happy? Releaved inside.
Castiel tilted his head to one side, looking at the hunter still worried about him and it took him a bit before he spoke. “You scared me for a minute Dean, i was worried that the hunt had more consequences on you then just a few visible injuries, I’m glad my grace could help you, but you have to be more careful, my love’’
Dean softly smirked back at the angel, the use of the word love rolling so easily off of his tongue, sounded so nice, so right. The hunter had to admit that it might be his favorite word now, as his cheeks flushed, not wanting to admit any of it, his heart skipped a beat as he looked deep into the angels bright blue eyes.
‘’It was just a bad blow to my head Cas. I’m fine now, there is no need to worry about me, I’m a big boy I can take care of myself’’
The angel rolled his eyes at Deans stubbornness, he leaned in a little closer to the hunter, their faces only a few inches apart ‘’I’m aware you can take care of yourself, but that doesn’t mean I won’t worry when you’re hurt, you know how much I care about you Dean’’
The hunters smirk softened into a small smile as he looked at Cas, he knew in the real world the angel cared for him, but here it was different, of course it was different, they weren’t a couple there, but cas was lovingly and just like an actual human partner would act. Deep down he wanted this with the angel, Cas was an angel, not a human. Dean knew it was selfish of him to want this, that he could never have this for real, he wanted to live this moment as long as he could.
‘’Yeah, Yeah I know you care about me Cas’’
Pressing a soft kiss to the hunters forehead, a wave of comfort washed over Dean, it was nice to actually be shown affection by the angel in front of him, even if it isn’t real. As Castiel pulled away , he stood up, giving the other one a soft smile ‘’if you need me I’ll be in the library’’
Dean watched the angel walk away, a feeling of longing washed over him, he had to admit he was scared, scared that he was starting to like this too much, the hunter sighed and mumbled under his breath.
‘’Yeah I’ll definitely need you at some point’’