Chapter Text
Honestly, it wasn’t even like Xue Yang was the worst of Xiao Xingchen’s various partners.
Xiao Xingchen had been dating since long before they became nesting partners and would continue to cheerfully date for long after. Some people were absolutely lovely and Song Lan enjoyed meeting them, even if he couldn’t necessarily see the appeal that Xiao Xingchen saw in them.
Some of them sucked, Song Lan was very grateful the day that Xiao Xingchen broke up with Wen Chao; that guy was probably the worst it would ever get. Hopefully. The majority of Xiao Xingchen’s partners, Song Lan just felt neutral about.
The fact was that for all that they were eternally in love with one another and happy in their relationship, Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen simply had different taste in partners. Xiao Xingchen, similarly, was neutral about the majority of Song Lan’s partners.
Sometimes friendships bloomed. Sometimes they had a nasty experience with a guy who only seemed nice on the surface. The important part was that they were always able to love and support one another through it all.
All that to say, while Song Lan couldn’t claim that Xue Yang was the worst person Xiao Xingchen had ever dated, he certainly wasn’t… the best.
Song Lan had a list of reasons he didn’t like Xue Yang.
“Xingxing, babe, turn up the radio or fuck me, I’m so bored back here!”
Song Lan didn’t let his vision move from the road ahead of them as he heard Xiao Xingchen’s absolutely angelic laugh.
Song Lan could write poetry about Xiao Xingchen’s laugh.
Truthfully, it wasn’t ‘angelic’ in the way that it was elegant or otherworldly. Xiao Xingchen snorted and gasped and changed pitches and lost any semblance of elegance when he laughed.
Song Lan adored the cute, precious sound, knowing it was something he couldn't live without—because Xiao Xingchen was so utterly human in his joy.
He lived in the moment. He laughed without restraint. He held others in his heart and fought for his beliefs with a ferocity that left Song Lan breathless.
And Xue Yang, the absolute demon currently rolling around the mattress in the back of the van, had an unerring knack for coaching laughter from Xiao Xingchen. He could say just about anything and make Xiao Xingchen practically piss himself with joy.
That wasn’t actually what Song Lan disliked about Xue Yang. Making Xiao Xingchen laugh was one of his few redeeming qualities.
“I mean it, Xingxing!” Xue Yang purred in a coaxing voice. “Your precious Lanlan is driving~ no reason we can’t have fun together in the back.”
“Oh, hush.” Xiao Xingchen managed behind giggles, sending a beaming smile back to his pouting boyfriend.
Song Lan tried very hard to maintain his temper.
Because that was the first thing he hated about Xue Yang. The absolute shameless hyper-sexuality. It didn’t matter where they were or who they were with, Xue Yang would never hesitate to make any situation uncomfortably lewd.
Xiao Xingchen found it cute. Song Lan did not.
“Lanlannn, you’re driving too slow. Me and Xingxing are gonna die before we get anywhere. C’mon, at least be a pal and tell your precious hubby to pound me into next week!” Xue Yang pushed, kicking half heartedly at Song Lan’s seat.
Song Lan clicked his tongue.
“Public indecency," was all he said, because he didn’t actually want to have this argument. Mostly because he really couldn’t tell if Xue Yang really was joking or not.
On one hand, Xue Yang joked about all manner of things. On the other hand, Xue Yang was also serious about just enough of those things that it was impossible to tell.
One time Song Lan had been sure that Xue Yang was joking about adding food coloring to everything they had in the fridge as "revenge" for "looking at him funny" and Song Lan woke up the next day to blue milk and purple eggs.
Needless to say, it was safest to assume that Xue Yang was always at least a little bit serious and keep his distance.
Which was really hard considering he’d agreed to this inane road trip.
Xue Yang cackled, sounding a bit like he was laughing at Song Lan rather than laughing with him, before he returned his attention to Xiao Xingchen.
“Xingxing, show me the map again!” Xue Yang nagged, resting his chin on Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder and rubbing up against him. “I still don’t get it.”
Xue Yang was lying. They both knew he was lying. It was the second reason that Song Lan disliked him. The pointless lies that coated his every other sentence. Usually dumb lies to get Xiao Xingchen to pay yet more attention to him.
Xiao Xingchen knew. Song Lan knew. Xue Yang probably knew they knew. But Xiao Xingchen found it cute, so everyone just let him.
Xiao Xingchen pulled out the map again and started to explain to Xue Yang all over about their route and reasoning and all the wonderful things they were going to see and do.
The trip was Xiao Xingchen’s idea. Of course it had to be. Xue Yang would hardly plan a trip that didn’t include a whole slew of luxuries that Song Lan balked at. And Song Lan, truthfully, was not specifically looking forward to the amount of "camping in the wilderness" that this trip entailed.
But he loved Xiao Xingchen, and truthfully, Song Lan always felt his world got bigger when he indulged in Xiao Xingchen’s passions. Even things he thought he would hate often ended up being quite fun when he could do it with his beloved at his side.
It was worth it. It was wonderful.
It was a bit stressful.
Xue Yang cut in with questions every few moments, practically pawing at Xiao Xingchen out of the corner of his eye to point out this or that on the map. Ask questions or attempt to fluster him. Xiao Xingchen giggled and indulged him and Song Lan tried to keep his attention firmly onto the road.
Xiao Xingchen’s idea was pretty simple. They’d visit a lot of the natural wonders that the world had to offer with limited technology. They did still technically have their phones, although the three of them were in a lockbox to only be opened in case of an emergency, but the idea of the trip was to use maps and to learn their surroundings the old fashioned way. To get creatively lost and use their own ingenuity to find their way home. To stop doom-scrolling and spend time with each other.
This, of course, made Xue Yang more annoying than usual. Whereas in a world where he was allowed to have his phone, he might be in the back texting that one weird on-again-off again partner that Song Lan definitely didn’t like or otherwise entertaining himself with the magic known as the internet, now his only entertainment in life was to poke and prod at an ecstatic Xiao Xingchen.
Song Lan wondered if that might have actually been part of the appeal of the trip. Get his boyfriend away from his phone so that all of Xue Yang’s attention was directed solely at Xiao Xingchen. Song Lan’s beloved husband wasn’t exactly the type to be possessive, but he did enjoy a bit of harmless mischief here and there.
Like that time that Xiao Xingchen convinced Song Lan that the following day was Friday when it was actually Saturday to trick him into waking up early on his day off and surprise him with all of his favorites for breakfast and quite a few more of his favorites in bed. An ultimately harmless prank that resulted in a truly enjoyable time for the pair of them.
Xue Yang’s pranks were a lot less harmless though, and Song Lan could easily list those as yet another on the endless list of reasons I really don’t like that guy . But with Xue Yang excitedly hanging off of Xiao Xingchen’s every word while he explained the mountain trail they’d hopefully reach by sunset, Song Lan sort of wished that he didn’t dislike Xue Yang.
That he could, at the very least, just be neutral about him.
Xue Yang let out another hyena-like laugh and Song Lan gripped the steering wheel. Shivers ran up his spine as his stomach dropped and he felt like the world inverted.
In his mind's eye, he knew what he’d see if he turned. Xue Yang in his loose tank and choker. Xiao Xingchen admiring the map with the cutest thoughtful look hidden behind his glasses. A normal world without a single problem in sight. His long time partner and husband and his husband’s ridiculous little needy boyfriend. Nothing unnatural.
In his mind’s eye, he knew what he saw out of the corner of his eye was wrong.
He knew that the laughter was just the echo of a nightmare.
He knew that the memory of “Song-daozhang” hissed against his earlobe was just his own mind playing tricks on him.
If he turned his head, he’d just see Xue Yang’s makeup and jewelry and nail polish and wheedling expression.
He wouldn’t see that man .
It still took Song Lan about ten heart-pounding miles before he finally did turn his head.
His heart softened at the sight and he drank it in like a drowning man. Xiao Xingchen was still explaining and his white-button up hugged his body in exactly the right ways. He was wearing the bracelet that one of his students made for him and his hair was pulled up into an adorable bun that complimented the rest of his features perfectly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Xue Yang lounging as he continued to ask random questions and make ridiculous observations or suggestions.
It was normal.
That man wasn’t here.
That man wasn’t real.
Song Lan found the ability to breathe again and turned his attention back to the road. Just a moment in time was all he needed to regain his senses and feel grounded.
“Okay, but there’s no reason we couldn’t have waterfall sex,” Xue Yang said shamelessly.
“There’s lots of reasons, A-Yang,” Xiao Xingchen said with a giggle.
“Name three,” Xue Yang persisted.
“Bacteria, other tourists who might find the area, hypothermia,” Xiao Xingchen listed easily, still sounding amused.
“You’re just worried that your hubby will see how fine my ass is and want in on the action. Tsk, tsk, Xingxing. Jealousy is an ugly look on someone so beautiful.”
Xiao Xingchen just about exploded with giggles. Song Lan was less amused.
“That’s not a no!” Xue Yang cackled. “Wait ‘till I tell Yao-ge. This whole trip was just an excuse to get me alone, wasn’t it? Can’t even share with poor Yao-ge? What did he ever do to you?”
Song Lan, despite his own thoughts earlier, felt a bit indignant on Xiao Xingchen’s behalf. He would never—
“Oh my gosh, sweetheart,” Xiao Xingchen said dramatically, “You’ve seen through my dastardly scheme. How shall I ever trick you to stay in my arms?”
Ah, another joke.
Song Lan was a bit grateful for how hard it was to talk right now. He might have burst out in Xiao Xingchen’s defense otherwise and that would have simply made the atmosphere awkward.
The two continued their ridiculous dramatics. Opining about how “little Yangyang was stolen from his Yao-ge’s arms” and quite a few far more lewd jokes about just that. Xiao Xingchen did not share Song Lan’s distaste for "Yao-ge". Which was probably for the best. Song Lan had no reason to even interact with his husband’s boyfriend’s boyfriend. Xiao Xingchen had a bit of a closer connection.
It was ridiculous, overall, and it wasn’t any of Song Lan’s business.
…so why did it all bother him so much…?
As the scenery passed by, Song Lan tried very hard not to ruin the peaceful atmosphere within the car and focused on making it to the hiking trail.
Xue Yang would probably run ahead, foolishly, and Xiao Xingchen would chastise him, and Song Lan would be able to cool his nerves in the brisk evening air while his heart screamed at him that something was wrong .
That man isn’t real.