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What goes around will come around, is what they always said. It means that every action one makes, will eventually be returned. Be as a good thing or not.
So then I've been wondering, what have I ever done in my life, to meet such a beautiful person. Skin as pale as the sky, hair is the color of snow with a little red streaks at the corner.
Just the right facial proportion, always smiling and very well spoken. I’d be stroking his hair every time I got the chance, holding both his hands, intertwining my fingers with his.
"Tecchou-san." He calls out to me, sitting in between my legs, with my arms around his body.
"Hmm?" I answered, hugging him closer.
"I think the hot water is ready, we can start brewing the tea now."
I chuckled softly against his ears. He asked. "What is it?"
"I just really love your voice, keep calling to my name like that, Saigiku."
Staying silent, he relaxes his body in my embrace.
"If ever someday I lost this voice of mine that you love, would I still have your heart?"
I opened my eyes, staring at the back of his head and nape, I kissed it gently.
"Of course." I said, as I pulled him back in my arms.
Saigiku is his name. I met him 2 years ago. In front of this humble house of mine, just enough for a shelter in the middle of the forest by the mountain when the weather wasn’t so kind, Saigiku knocked and asked for a night to stay.
And just as beautiful as his name, like a chrysanthemum bloom amidst the snowy desert. He wore a white kimono with faded red undergarment, a maroon obi and haori is the lighter color. He asked me. "Good evening, mister. Would you allow me a roof to stay under this stormy night?"
With the white fabric he’d use to cover his head, he looked like he was wearing a wataboshi.
I just stood there in awe, a few seconds admiring how gorgeous he was and I answered. "Please, stay as long as you'd like. This weather doesn't seem like it would subside any sooner."
As we stayed together, we talked, and got closer. I know none of where he was from before arriving at my doorstep, I ask none of it. But Saigiku himself told me that he's a mere wanderer, finding my house is probably one of the lucks granted to him.
He spoke very politely but over the time we spent together, he can be a bit nagging. I was surprised to find out that he's visually impaired. As he does everything almost perfectly like he sees it all.
Saigiku, the blind wanderer I happen to sheltered.
I fell in love.
Soon enough I proposed to him. God knows how heavenly I felt when he agreed. And so we've vowed to stay beside each other for the rest of our lives.
Saigiku, now the owner of my heart. My beautiful bride.
"Tecchou-san." Again, he calls out to my name.
"What is it? Saigiku."
He sighed and smiled. "You have to let me go if you want me to start brewing the tea for you."
"Ahaha, alright then."
And so he stands up, doing what he said he would. It didn't take long until he came back with tea and snacks for us to enjoy in this warm morning.
As he bites on the rice cake, he said. "The dango you got the other day is tasty, can we perhaps have it again someday?"
I sip on the tea as I nod. "Certainly."
"Then, can you make more of the onigiri that we had yesterday." I added.
"Hahaha Tecchou-san, did I not already make onigiri for you every other time?"
"The one I had yesterday was very tasty, though. You filled it with something that tastes like fish."
"I wonder."
"But then again, honestly whatever you make will taste good for me. I will eat it all."
He laughed. "That's a given."
I gazed at his fingers holding the tea cup. Brushed it with mine as I noticed the cut wounds. "But Saigiku, please refrain from pushing yourself doing things that would hurt you."
"It's just a few cuts, Tecchou-san."
He put down the cup so I could take his hand and kiss his knuckles. "Still, these wounds would ruin your beautiful fingers."
He smiled, it looked sad for some reason. But he replies. "If ever someday, I lost these fingers that you said are beautiful, would I still have your heart?"
I stared at his face, and said. "Of course.”
Season changes, we've been together for 4 years now. I felt something in me weakened. I fell ill a few times last year and a few more times this year.
"Tecchou-san, please just rest today. I can harvest the vegetables by myself, it wasn't that far and wide." He insisted.
"Are you sure, Saigiku? Wouldn't it be too heavy for you to carry it by yourself?"
"I will be alright."
So I do what he said and rest at home.
But my condition is getting worse by the day, Saigiku, alone he works and tires himself out. He put on a smile in front of me as he took care of me. But some night I would notice him gazing at the moon, as if he prayed for any deity up there, to just end whatever is making his life so hard.
Saigiku, have I become a burden to you?
Months go by and I notice how thin Saigiku has become, he works days and nights, both for our parts. His voice sounds so tired, his movements are sluggish, his fingers are wounded and roughed.
I would just love to go and work along with him but nowadays I can barely stand and walk longer than a few minutes. Saigiku would get angry and wail just so that I’d stay rested.
There are nights I'd notice he locked himself in a room. Insisting that I am not allowed entry as he works inside. From the fabrics he would bring out and sell to town, I assumed he weaved them.
Some other time, I'd woken up in the middle of the night, listening to him working in the room that's just next to the bedroom. Being half asleep I'd thought I heard a crane crying in there instead of my dream.
It would often bring me back to the first day I met Saigiku. The afternoon before that storm, I walked home from my usual wood picking routine. I met a wounded crane getting its feet stuck to some branches. I lent it a hand and let it free, it flew away after circling 3 times above my head as it cried.
Maybe it's the way that crane tells me how thankful it was, I often heard it in my dreams.
Maybe so, the way that crane is also blind, it keeps reminding me how on that same day I met a blind young man who is now my spouse, Saigiku.
Saigiku, the one person I held dear to me. Ever so precious, ever so lovely. The warm snow falling after a storm.
How selfish I must be, hoping that you'd keep loving me even when I'm no longer capable of doing the things you said you love about me.
I opened my eyes as I could feel teardrops on my face.
That one night, Saigiku let me rest my head on his lap as he stroked my hair gently.
"Saigiku, were you crying?" I asked, reaching out to his cheek and slowly wiping his tears.
He holds my hands, sobbing as he talks, as if he's choking on his own words.
"If… If ever someday, I.. No longer capable of staying with you… As the human that I am now.. Tecchou-san, would you still allow me, your heart?"
I just listened to him, crying himself out with the hoarse voice he has now. I can feel him tighten his grip on my hand, with the rough hand he has now.
Slowly I got up and sat. "Of course." I said.
I kissed his forehead, pulled him to my embrace. pat his back and head tenderly. Slowly I brought him to lie down with me on the futon.
"Saigiku, I still remember the day we first met. The wounded crane I helped that day, till this day I still remember it all. Same goes for my feelings, no matter what form you took, none of what you have that's lost, will change how precious you are to me."
That night, Saigiku cried in my arms. We fell asleep holding each other. It feels warm even though I can tell my body temperature goes lower each second. Saigiku’s presence gave me enough peace to sleep like everything will be alright once I woke up.
I listen to his slow breathing and heartbeat like it's the most beautiful sound. Gradually getting slower as my consciousness faded, drowning in his embrace, soft as feathers.
Whatever morning awaits us, be it either both or one of us would still breathe or no, our feelings would not change.
Saigiku, my chrysanthemum. The one who owns my heart, forever. I love you.