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Jaebum tried his best not to cry.
Seeing his adorable little dongsaeng alone on stage, singing beautifully but without him made his heart tear into a million pieces.
He hates himself.
Actually not himself, rather, his stupid injury that caused all of this in the first place.
He hated seeing any of his members upset, especially Youngjae, being the most clueless and fragile out of all of them.
He remembers.
What he promised to Youngjae the moment he finished writing that song,
"We'll make it an amazing performance. Just the two of us, it'll be amazing don't you think?"
The feeling of his wide grin and bright eyed smile that he gave the younger boy, still etched into his memory.
That beautiful, adorable smile he gained in return, was etched even deeper.
"Hyung I'm so excited!" He squeals before leaping into Jaebum arms, hugging him tightly.
Jaebum hugs back, "I've waited so long for this."
And now look at where they are.
Jaebum oh so desperately wished that he could've at least sat on that empty chair, filling the dull space with his presence, singing his heart out with the person he loves most.
But of course he couldn't. No one would let him.
'It's bad for your health!'
''You need to rest up!'
'Hyung, you need to take care of yourself..'
That last phrase coming from his sunshine himself.
"I swear I can come up there with you Youngjae, please-"
"No hyung, I don't want you to get hurt any further."
It was as simple as that, and Jaebum let out a deep sigh at the thought of it.
He watched on as Youngjae looked downwards at his feet, while Jaebum's own recorded voice rang throughout the stadium. The fans cheers and cries for both him, Youngjae and all of GOT7, making him feel overwhelmed.
And his heart literally felt like it was ripped out of him stomach, when the ending of the song finally came around, as he gazed upon Youngjae on the stage.
"I'll be waiting for you.."
A choked sob and a small cry was heard from Youngjae. Jaebum watching as Youngjae's arm came up to wipe at his eyes as he stood onstage. A sigh heard from the younger's mouth, before he was suddenly quiet, gaze fixated on the floor.
"I'm sorry."
He mutters, unable to continue the song.
Jaebum's heart dropped.
And the lights dulled out while the screams, cheers, wails and shouts of the fans echoed through Jaebum's ears.
He felt horrible.
He wanted to stand and yell out Youngjae's name, but as soon as he gave it a try, a sharp stinging pain in his back forced him to sit back down, the pain still radiating.
It hurts.
Jaebum grits his teeth.
"Youngjae... I'm so sorry."
-
It was all a flash.
Coming on stage, apologising, feeling the love and affection from his group members and his loving fans.
It was overwhelming and he had to force himself not to cry.
He remembered Youngjae's stage, and immediately asked the fans, "Did Youngjae do well?"
His reply was full of loud screams and yells, saying "Yes!" and it made Jaebum smile because he agreed wholeheartedly.
Then Youngjae finally gathered his thoughts and spoke up, "But I almost cried-!" He says whining.
Jaebum only shot him a grin, "I think he did well."
By the time it was all over and they were heading back to their dorm, Jaebum was tired and achy.
But very happy that he got to share at least something with his members onstage at their concert.
He felt the warmth next to him, shifting slightly and letting out a small noise.
Youngjae.
The boy had made sure that he was sitting right next to Jaebum when they got in the vehicle, and Jaebum found it extremely cute how protective and caring he was. Although they hadn't exactly talked yet, the younger falling asleep quite quickly on his shoulder. It made Jaebum smile.
He was going to apologise and make it up to his little sunshine no matter what.
"You alright hyung?" The voice of Yugyeom bringing him back to reality.
Jaebum quirked a brow, giving the maknae a soft, reassuring smile.
"I'm more than alright." He said as he intwined his fingers with Youngjae's.
-
Back to the dorm, and Youngjae was awake. Waiting until Jaebum had finally stepped out so he could quickly join them.
The two didn't manage to converse during the ride home, but it was alright, they had time.
Youngjae made sure not to walk next to Jaebum, giving the leader his space. He walked a considerable distance away, next to Mark who was currently talking to Jinyoung about something that happened during the concert.
You'd think Jaebum would be hurt that Youngjae didn't want to be next to him, but the leader wasn't that clueless.
He knew he was just looking out for him and it made his heart swell with happiness.
His thoughts briefly going back to when he himself made an appearance onstage. He remembers all the members looking out for him and making sure he was okay. Especially Youngjae.
"Be careful!"
"I don't think Jaebum hyung should do that, he might hurt himself.."
"Wait hyung, your back-!"
All those times Jaebum assured him he was alright. Because honestly with Youngjae, he really was.
-
Once they made it back to the dorm, everyone immediately headed for their own rooms, first making sure Jaebum was alright.
Which he was thankful for.
Jackson took a glance at Youngjae and Jaebum, a knowing smile playing on his lips as he retreated into the maknae's room. Giving Youngjae and Jaebum the space they needed.
Youngjae also helped Jaebum out once they reached inside their room.
Even though Youngjae now rooms with Mark, you'd be surprised at how many times he's come back here, missing the place, missing the bed and mostly importantly, missing Jaebum.
Soon enough Jaebum was lying down and Youngjae was sitting up, next to him, playing with the leader's hair. A soft smile adorning his face, although traces of redness and tears staining his eyes and cheeks were still evident.
"Youngjae-ah.." Jaebum began, his lips feeling dry.
"Hyung I know you're going to apologise but I swear it's f—"
Youngjae was utterly shocked when Jaebum forced himself to sit up, pulling the younger boy in his lap and pressing their lips together.
Youngjae pulled back almost immediately with a gasp, not because of the kiss but rather because of his hyung's condition.
"H-hyung!" He breathed out, the worry in his voice evident.
"I'm okay Youngjae, don't worry."
Youngjae shook his head, eyes almost tearing up again. "Y-your back! That must've hurt, and strained it a lot-" He spoke, voice cracking slightly.
Jaebum only smiled in response, "If it really affected me that much I wouldn't have done it. I know you wouldn't have talked to me for ages if I hurt myself again and you know I wouldn't be able to stand it." He smirks slightly at the end.
Youngjae's cheeks flushed, and he looked away in embarrassment.
Jaebum wanted to laugh and kiss him and love him and take care of him and just do so many things with him, but he couldn't. Not without a sincere apology. Even if he apologised a million times he still wouldn't think it's enough.
"Youngjae-ah, you really have no idea how sorry I am.." Jaebum began to speak, sadness coursing through his words.
Youngjae blinked, looking back at him. He opened his mouth, about to say something in response but he closed it again, a sigh escaping his lips as he did so.
"I love you so much. I really wish this never happened. I know you don't want me to bring this up, but seeing you get emotional on stage made my heart hurt so much Youngjae-ah.. I hate myself for not being up there with you. I hate myself for not being up there at all with all of you guys. I'm so sorry. I swear that next time I'll be ready and perform up there with you guys, our concert will be even more amazing. And I swear that next time we'll sing together."
Youngjae frowned, biting his lip and taking Jaebum's hand in his own.
"Jaebummie-hyung." He said firmly, looking into his leader's sad brown orbs with a strong will.
"Please don't say you're sorry for this ever again. I've heard it a million times and so has everyone else. We know, you're sorry for not being able to do it but we love you, we forgive you, we care for you and we know it's not your fault. There's not even a reason for us to forgive you anyway, you didn't need to apologise. It's all fine, it's all okay. Everything's alright. We love you... I love you."
And Jaebum finally broke.
Youngjae wrapped his arms around him, whispering sweet nothings and cooing him. Rubbing his back and softly nuzzling into his neck, kissing him with a smile.
When his cries died down, Jaebum looked up at Youngjae with a smile. Both their cheeks tinted with colour, hands intwined.
A loving warmth could be felt radiating from the two of them.
"I love you too."
Jaebum's words faded into the warm air of the room.
Youngjae couldn't stop his grin from widening.
"I'm so happy you do."
—;;
'You need to be well, never be sick.
Don't ever forget your always smiling face.'
'If things get difficult, you can always come back.
I'm still at the same place, I'll never leave."