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[__ MATTHEW W. — ALFRED F. J.__]
i resent you.
——— xx.
Matthew slammed his door, tears streaming down his cheeks, his fingers grasped his hair. Kumajirou was nowhere to be seen.
No one remembered him.
Not even Arthur.
Damn him.
His stupid face.
His hair, expressions, style.
Matthew wondered why he even looked up to him in the first place.
Maybe this was all because of Alfred, his brother. The one who’s always in the spotlight, sparkling, glittering like a goddamn gem.
Matthew hated it.
It didn’t matter if everyone favored him or hated him, Alfred got attention.
And Matthew didn’t.
But how could he hate his own brother? Even if they never interacted much, brotherhood is still brotherhood. But, Matthew’s been holding in these churning feelings for years now, he always tries to make it seem like comedy in his mind.
He can hold these feelings in for more, right?
Matthew didn’t know.
He tipped his head back over to the surface of his door.
He despised this life.
The early morning arrived, the dried tears already wrinkled on Matthew’s face. And Kumajirou, curled up in his arms, as if comforting him.
Matthew smiled. At least someone cared.
He had a world meeting today.
Matthew grudgingly trudged himself out of bed, fixing his disheveled hair in his mirror, picking out a suit and touching up some light makeup under his eyes.
After all, his boss was getting quite paranoid with recent events. Matthew barely got breaks from paperwork.
He frowned and checked himself in the vanity mirror before heading out.
“Do you think I look good, Kumatirou..?”
The polar bear tilted their head in confusion.
“Who are you?”
Matthew huffed. Not even his companion knows his name. It is truly, a shame.
——
The room chattered with conversation. Matthew looked around, holding onto his polar bear tightly, his eyes frantically gazed around for the tag with his country on it.
“Hey! Tch, Alfred!”
A familiar voice called from behind Matthew, he glanced back to see an angry Arthur crashing into them.
Matthew yelped as he got knocked onto the ground. He sat up, rubbing his head, watching as Arthur scrambled up clumsily.
“Oh you’re not Alfred..”
Arthur mumbled, slightly confused.
Matthew stood up and held the hem of his suit.
“Well-“
“Of course not! Mon ami, zis is Matthew!”
Francis intervened, walking in with a hand in Arthur’s shoulder.
Matthew found Kumajirou’s paw again and held it with silent disdain. Why did nobody ever know him? It was like he was he was invisible. This question wouldn’t stop swirling around in his mind.
Francis sent Matthew a wink, as if saying “I’ve got you.”
Francis and Arthur then proceeded down the steps, Arthur loudly arguing with Francis as Francis laughed it off, a hand to Arthur’s face.
Matthew watched them, nothing but empty contempt filled his mind.
__
“Alright dudes! Welcome to our 37th annual world conference!”
Alfred yelled from the microphone, a staff member was quick to come up to his ear and whisper a few swift words.
Alfred chuckled, he was mistaken.
“Ah I meant our 72nd-!”
José, who sat beside Matthew facepalmed. Alfred clearly has no concept of time, didn’t he?
Matthew quietly scowled. How could people pay attention to such a senseless person? Why couldn’t they look at better people like him?
Unfair.
Matthew frowned and slumped in his chair slightly, his sight fixed on his lap.
Alfred’s voice only ringed hollow in Matthew’s ears. Nothing but cacophony that surrounded the spacious room.
He felt unnecessary pressure weigh down on his body, like the tears that had threatened to spill over the edges of his eyes hours ago.
Standing up, Matthew excused himself to the bathroom, letting go of Kumajirou. He swiftly sprinted to the bathrooms.
Locking the stall door behind him, the tears finally dropped from his eyes. Matthew slid down the door, silently sobbing into his suit sleeve, its formalness now soaked in vain.
Everyone knew Alfred as the proud, patriotic representative of America. He was always the center of attention, everyone knew him.
But who knew Matthew? Even if someone brought him up, they’d probably just say, “Oh, the state above America? Oh he’s not a state..? Oh he’s a country? Oh wow, I never knew that.”
It’s always revolved around America and his life.
His shoulders moved up and down as he sobbed. A pressure pushed harder on his body than ever, its weight like a burden.
But he shouldn’t have to suffer this burden.
He shouldn’t have to live under Alfred’s shadow all the time.
He shouldn’t have to be so overlooked.
He deserves better.
But why is he so quiet all the time?
So shy, so… invisible?
Maybe he just needs to speak up more, or else no one will know him.
Just be more outward.
But he can’t.
[…]
“Thank you, dudes! Yeah, really ‘preciate it.”
Alfred laughed, waving goodbye to all his fellow representatives.
Alfred pushed past the doors and sighed, before he even had the time to gather his thoughts, Francis pushed up against him.
“Bonsoir, mon ami! I have to say, your speech really was so… moving, I really felt ze emotion behind it.”
Alfred chuckled, taking an internal sigh. He seriously didn’t want to talk anymore, his boss signing him up to speak at the world meeting was enough.
This made his mind trace back to his earlier mishap at the start of the speech. Last night, he barely had any time to rest due to his boss wanting him to write out his own words to the speech. That’s probably why Alfred mixed the years up so horribly.
Now that he thinks about it, it’s quite embarrassing.
“Ah, thanks dude!”
Francis nodded, a sweet smile upturned on his lips.
“Of course, mon ami.”
Francis looked over to what seemed to be his ride.
“Well, I will see you later zen, au revoir!”
Alfred waved goodbye to Francis, sighing with relief once he finally left.
Sure, Francis was a nice guy, but really, he was so talkative and obnoxious sometimes, always having those meaningless arguments with Arthur.
It really got on Alfred’s nerves, he couldn’t lie.
Speaking of the French, Angelique, the representative for Seychelles just had to make Alfred rethink his choices of walking so far to his car.
“Ah, Alfred! I have got to say, your speech was quite informative! Thank you for hosting zis years annual world meeting!”
Alfred smiled, testing his own energy and patience, hiding his inner undertone of anger.
“Mhm! Of course..!”
Angelique then continued to ramble on about her own country and everything else… did Alfred catch something about Francis?
He wasn’t sure, nor did he really care at this point.
When Alfred returned back home, he instantly went to the couch to take a satisfying and well needed rest.
He was awoken by a relatively loud knocking on his front door. Alfred groaned quietly and rubbed his eyes, sluggishly rising up from the couch, his head dizzying at the action of standing up too swiftly.
The one behind the door was Matthew, still as timid as ever.
“Uh, hi…”
He whispered, almost unable to be audible to the naked ear.
Alfred blinked a couple of times for his eyesight to barely work. The fluorescent light that lit his doorway made it quite difficult to see properly.
“Oh, uh, hi, Matt..”
Matthew’s eyes seemed to not look at Alfred.
And he knew exactly why.
But he envied Matthew, and his will to stay hidden.
He envied Matthew’s will to stay unpopular, to not always be talked to.
It made Alfred wonder if he could ever catch a breath.
Why did he feel so angry and thinking about all of this?
It is a blessing to be noticed after all.
[…]
Matthew longed for attention by other representatives, even by the representative of micro nations, whatever it took to just be seen. He wished that Alfred could just lave and go somewhere far away, go somewhere where he would never be thought of again.
Matthew looked at himself in the mirror, and saw no part of Alfred in his features, not his wavy hair, not his eyes, his nose, his body shape…
He wondered why he even bothered to want to be like his older brother, arrogant, loud, too talkative for anyone’s liking.
Matthew took a seat down in his bed and silently sobbing, tears dripping one by one down his shut eyes.
He realized he would never be seen or heard as much as him.
He didn’t want to even know.
How insignificant the country Canada was to the world.
He just cried, silent and invisible forever.
[…]
Alfred watched as Matthew sat in the corner of the meeting room, a forlorn expression swept over his face, his shoulders seemed tensed.
Alfred watched in quiet jealousy, observing as his brother sat, unbothered, not talked to, as Alfred would never be.
He watched, knowing that Matthew may have never knew that Alfred wished so badly to be like him.
To be like him to the point where rage replaced jealousy.
But he just sat there, in the midst of all the chaos. He wished someday, he could be just in silence.
For once, maybe, people wouldn’t surround him so much.
For once, maybe life wouldn’t feel like such a burden.
Alfred longed for peace, he longed for the wind to feel like a smooth, soft, feather that brushed against his body and not a coarse, thick, leather that scraped against his skin.
He wondered, when the time will come.
…
FIN. xx