Chapter Text
Sometimes Buck’s life choices was one difficult thing to swallow down at a time. He knew he was doing the right thing by going to therapy of his own volition and actively trying to repair the damage in his relationship with his parents, though it wasn’t really his problem to repair. He just thought that after all of the little improvements he’d been making in his life, the universe would reward him with… something. Anything really…
He just wanted… touch. Felt like he needed it! The burning desire to have someone pressed against his chest, their arms encompassing his body and his melding against theirs. Sure, he knew he could ask Bobby for a hug, and the man that was more of a father to him than his own father, would happily oblige. He’d hold Buck against him, rub his back, and tell him he loved him, but the way Bobby or even Athena loved him was not the kind of love he craved. He wanted heat… passion… something real… He wanted someone to rest their head on his chest and let him hold them all night… Or for someone to hold–
But maybe that was asking too much. He’d learned a long time ago that he didn’t get everything he wanted. He didn’t deserve half the stuff he wanted, so he had to keep himself tempered, because what he really wanted, the person he really wanted was something so unattainable it was laughable.
“Buck?” a man approaching the bay that looked vaguely familiar flagged him down.
Confused, Buck paused at the doors. He’d been heading to the locker to change back into his regular clothes after the end of his shift.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“I don’t know if you remember me… It’s been a while… but I’m Taylor Kelly’s camera man, Bryan,” the man said.
Realization dawned on Buck as he recognized the very generic looking man. He was easy to miss without the camera on his shoulder or the wild red head leading him along.
“How can I help you?” Buck asked.
“Taylor sent me… She’s been trying to reach you…” he said.
This wasn’t news to Buck. He’d seen the multiple text messages she’d sent him over the past few weeks, but he’d ignored them all. She hadn’t given him the courtesy of texting him or talking to him months ago when she all the sudden decided that she was too good to roll around with a smelly fireman anymore. She’d moved on to better and brighter pastures, pastures that didn’t include Buck.
He had been stupid when he’d asked her for something more than pure sex, but she, like every woman he’d ever been with, seemed to think his worth lie only between his legs. A freak in the sheets, nothing in the streets. A few years ago, he wouldn’t have minded. Buck 1.0 didn’t really care if his partners only wanted him for sex because at least he was filling some kind of void. But lately? Lately he wanted so much more than what Taylor or anyone seemed to want to offer.
As if the universe was finally taking pity on him, the fire alarm rang loudly at the end of his shift.
“Buck! One more call!” Bobby yelled from the stairs.
Buck nodded, shooting a half-hearted apology at Taylor’s camera man before running toward the engine and clamboring in, nearly slamming his head against the back of Chimney’s pants.
“Geez! Where’s the fire?” Hen asked, eyes wide as Buck all but shoved Chimney into a seat and claiming his own.
“Second and fifth!” Bobby answered over the headset as the engine rolled out of the bay.
Hen glanced at him sheepishly.
“Sorry Cap,” she muttered.
“Her point still stands,” Eddie added, arching a prying eyebrow. “Who was that?”
“Taylor Kelly’s camera man,” Buck mumbled. “Here trying to get me to respond to her messages, I guess.”
“Thought you two broke up?” Chimney asked pointedly.
“We were never anything more than fuck buddy’s,” Buck groaned. “I asked her to dinner, months ago, asked to be more than that, and she just got up and left.”
“So she… Buck 1.0-ed you?” Hen asked, looking like she was trying not to cackle and trying hard not to.
Buck groaned and nodded.
“And now she apparently feels bad for it,” he shrugged. “A little too late.”
Hen clapped him on the shoulder sympathetically as the engine screeched to a stop in front of the structure fire.
“Turnouts on! Buck, Eddie, I want you on the ladder with the hose. Ravi, you’re working the wench. Chim, Hen, triage,” Bobby barked and the team moved like the flawless, well-oiled machine that they were.
After the fire was out, the engine returned to the 118 bay, officially marking the end of the A-shift and the exhausted team slowly trickled out, heading home, where Buck immediately fell into bed, face first against the pillows, sleep taking him almost immediately.
When he woke up several hours later, it was after lunch. He clambered out of bed and shuffled down the stairs into his kitchen to make a sandwich. There wasn’t much in his fridge to make into one, but he managed, making a mental note to go to the grocery store at some point, though he knew it wouldn’t happen that day, which was fine. He still had a lasagna Bobby had sent him home with a week ago in his freezer. He really needed to spend the day cleaning his apartment.
That is precisely what he did. He started with the mountain of dirty clothes piled in his bathroom, then went throughout the loft with a broom then a mop, cleaning away week old muddy footprints and other miscellaneous spots on his floor. He wiped down the counters and scrubbed the dishes with long dried food on them and then moved to tackle the soap stained bathtub.
None of it was enough. Nothing was enough to forget that the girl he’d been vaguely interested in had suddenly come back into his life. Even more so, nothing was enough to distract him from the text message he’d received from Eddie three hours before.
From Eddie: Took your advice. Telling Christopher about Ana tonight! Wish me luck!
The worst part about the whole thing though?It was while he was mercilessly scrubbing the tub that he realized he was more upset about Eddie telling Christopher about his blooming relationship with Ana Fuentes. Sure, he’d advised the man to tell his son, though he didn’t realize it was an attempt at making him decide if he really wanted to be in the relationship. It wasn’t like Buck didn’t like Ana, but the more he thought about his relationship failures, the more he-
The sound of a frantic knock on the door brought Buck out of his spiralling thoughts. Maybe Taylor had come back to ask him for coffee again or to use his body for a carnal need she all the sudden needed him to scratch again. Maybe he’d forgotten to pay the rent and his landlord was here to chastise him. Maybe a lot of things, but none of them were Christopher Diaz, leaning heavily on his crutches and looking up at him, eyes filled with tears.
“Chris?” Buck asked, and a small sob fell from the boy's trembling lips.
Gently, Buck lifted him into his arms, holding him against his chest and carrying him into his loft, kicking the door shut behind him as he carried the boy over to his couch. He set him down on the cushion and knelt down in front of him.
“Chris, what happened?! Is something wrong with your dad?!” he asked, hands rubbing up and down the boy's arms in an attempt at soothing him.
Chris just shook his head and leaned forward, burying his face in Buck’s chest as sobs wracked through his small body. Buck just held him steadily. A shoulder to cry on. Something firm to lean against.
As Buck held him, he tried to think about what may have brought this on. Could it have been Eddie telling him about Ana?
As the thought of Eddie crossed his mind, dread sank into Buck’s veins.
“Chris? Does your dad know you’re here?”
The boy didn’t make a move for a long moment before shaking his head against Buck’s chest and slowly pulling away.
“Do you have to call him?” he asked quietly.
He could see the pain in the boy's eyes that told him he was angry with his father, but Buck knew Eddie would pull himself into a panic attack the second he went to find his son and couldn’t find him.
“I do,” Buck nodded, reaching into his pocket for his phone.
“I used his phone to call an uber,” Chris muttered the answer to the question Buck hadn’t asked yet.
He nodded and ruffled the boy's head before standing up and walking toward his kitchen, already pressing Eddie’s contact.
The phone rang a handful of times and Buck was about to wonder if Eddie was going to answer when a panicked voice called his name through the phone.
“Buck! You have to help me! Christopher is-”
Recognizing the beginnings of a panic attack, Buck didn’t feel bad about finishing his sentence for him.
“Here,” he spoke. “He used your phone to call an uber.”
He could hear the relieved sigh in his best friend's voice.
“Thank you, Buck. For being someone he can run to… He got mad at me when I was trying to tell him about Ana… I just… I guess it’s too soon for him… I don’t know what to do,” Eddie’s voice was cracking and it made Buck’s heart stutter.
He wanted to pull the man into his arms and rub his back and just tell him that it was ok, but he couldn’t very well do that over the phone… or ever.
“I think he was just caught off guard. He’ll come around,” Buck promised.
They talked for another minute or so and Buck could hear the truck door slam.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he said before hanging up.
Buck knew he had roughly 15 minutes to get to the bottom of what Christpher Diaz was feeling so he could help be the mediator between him and Eddie, a position he wasn’t put in often, but one he could seamlessly do.
“So, your dad tells me you were pretty mad at him. Does this have something to do with Eddie telling you about his lady friend?” he asked, sitting down on the coffee table in front of the boy.
Chris just nodded, head dropping as a few stray tears fell from his eyes.
“Do you want to tell me why? I promise I’m a great listener,” he said, giving the boy a small smile.
Chris sniffled.
“I don’t want dad to have a girlfriend,” he huffed eventually.
Buck nodded. He could understand where the boy was coming from, perhaps thinking it felt too early for Eddie to start dating again, but his mother had been dead for a while, and Buck knew his friend was starting to get a little… pent up… a fact he only knew when he’d accidentally walked into the locker room during a 24 hour shift and found Eddie in the shower, moaning beneath the water.
“I understand buddy. It’s hard moving on, but I know this one will care about you like your dad does and will be there for you too-”
Chris cut Buck off with an angry huff.
“You don’t get it!” he seethed.
Buck had never really seen Chris angry with him , so this took him a bit off guard.
“Then help me understand?” Buck asked.
“I don’t want dad to have a girlfriend! I want him to marry you!”
Buck’s whole world came screeching to a halt at the words coming out of the mouth of his best friend's son. His best friend, whom he’d pretty much been in love with since he’d held his hand tightly while everyone else tried to lift the firetruck off his leg. The man who just kept whispering promises and affirmations to him until Buck was freed. A man who was as straight as an arrow.
“Chris I-”
“I know you love him! You want him to marry you too! So why don’t you tell him!” Chris accused.
Buck was reeling. How could a 9 year old-
The sound of a key wiggling in the lock startled Buck to his feet as Eddie opened the door to the loft, his key still shoved in the lock as he frantically took in the loft until his eyes fell on his son.
“Christopher!” Eddie’s panicked voice softened as soon as he approached his son.
Buck stood up, stepping away for Eddie to check the boy over for himself before his relief morphed into controlled anger and frustration mingled with sorrow. Eddie was ready to start dating again. He missed the camaraderie of having someone to hold in the middle of the night or to relieve his stress with. Buck knew he’d bury all of that for Christopher though. He just didn’t know how to explain to his best friend that his kid wasn’t upset about him dating again, he just didn’t like the idea of Eddie dating anyone but–
“Why did you run away? If you’re not ready, you could have just told me,” Eddie spoke gently, eye level with his son now.
“I… am ready just not…” Christopher’s eyes flicked up to Buck and as Eddie followed his gaze, he had to quickly school his expression.
“I’ve met her, Chris. She’s really sweet and I think you’d like her. She won’t hurt your dad,” Buck spoke after a moment.
It wasn’t a lie. Ana was a sweet woman and the fact that she was so good with kids was a testament to how good she would be with Christopher. She knew him pretty well, after all, he’d been in her class for a year.
Christopher dropped his head, seeming to understand Buck’s hidden plea.
‘Don’t make this harder on your dad. He’s happy.’
“I guess I can meet her,” he mumbled.
Relief and happiness washed over Eddie’s face and Buck’s stomach churned.
Eddie helped Chris up off Buck’s couch and Buck handed the boy his crutches. Chris took them expertly and held himself up as Eddie patted his back.
“So are you ready to go home?” he asked.
Chris nodded and looked back to Buck who knelt down in front of him to hug him.
“You should still tell him,” the boy whispered in Buck’s ear.
Buck flushed pink, but didn’t say anything as he stood back up.
“Thank you for being there for him man,” Eddie said, opening his arms and drawing Buck into a familiar hug, clapping him on the back.
“Always,” Buck murmured against his shoulder.
A bit later, he was waving from the window as Eddie pulled off, leaving Buck with a hole in his chest that he didn’t realize was there until Christopher Diaz made him confront his feelings head on, and now, they were crawling all over his skin.