Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lucas was 15 when he was diagnosed as bipolar. His world came crashing down around him in a room with cream colored walls and a popcorn ceiling and fluorescent lights that seem only appropriate for hospitals and grocery stores. He remembers the way the psychiatrist’s lips moved when he explained the disorder, but he also remembers how he couldn’t manage to listen, like he was underwater, the noise muffled and muddied. He remembers storming out and pushing the lamp off the pristinely clean desk and the distant sound it made as it shattered on the ground. That’s all he really remembers.

Lucas was grateful to have Chloè, who didn’t even seem to bat an eye when he first told her about the diagnosis, probably because his outbursts and erratic behavior had started far earlier into their now 3 year relationship. He was grateful to have someone who still treated him like a normal human being. He was grateful to have anyone at all really.

It wasn’t until Lucas bumped shoulders with a certain unknown guy that his world started becoming complicated. He remembers looking back at him, like it was in slow motion, like the whole world stopped, his hoodie over his head to conceal him from the world. Meanwhile, this guy, who is a good few inches taller than Lucas, seemed happy, surrounded by a group of friends walking with him. He paid no mind to Lucas’s shoulder when it crashed into him, apparently too deep into some discussion to even care. Lucas wished he was like that.

The problem was Lucas now couldn’t get those eyes out of his mind, or the face, or the hair, or really the person in general. He thinks the guy might be a little younger than him, considering he almost seems naive to the world, or maybe just happier than Lucas, which makes Lucas feel like shit. Either way, he’s been zoning out on dates with Chloè because he’s been too busy thinking about the encounter.

Now a few weeks into school, Lucas is trying to put himself out there, as much as he really can, although it’s not worked too well. So when a cheery blonde girl he learned is named Daphné approached him about coming to a meeting involving the redecoration of the common room, he actually mulled it over. After a while of debating whether or not he actually wanted to go, he decided to give it a shot. The room is fairly full when he files in and one thing is for sure. Lucas is good, and always has been good at making himself seem confident, and approachable. He gives a charming smile to the people around him and takes a seat, a brunette girl sitting down next to him, who he politely greets. It’s not long before Daphné greets the gathered crowd and begins going on about how important the common room could be, but that’s when Lucas sees the guy, those eyes, look back at him.

Even if it’s just for a moment, those blue eyes make the world stand still. It almost feels as if his stare knocked the wind right out of Lucas, and in an attempt to catch this breath, Lucas looks away, trying to play it cool. The sound of Daphné’s voice fades into the background as Lucas finds himself lost in thought. It’s not long before the meeting comes to a close, and Lucas opts for taking the usual way home, perching himself at the bus stop. He’s looking over the boring snack options that the vending machine behind the stop offers, pondering on what to get when he feels someone behind him. The same gaze from earlier bores into the side of his body. He knows it’s that same guy, mystery tall guy with pretty eyes. Lucas thinks it’s a good time as ever to actually try and make conversation so he does.

“Sorry I didn't see you there” Lucas says casually, adding “I can’t decide what to get” his fingers trailing over his own lips in a pondering look

The boy speaks up, “number 24 is decent” he replies, and Lucas can tell he already likes his voice, and his calm demeanor.

Lucas simply responds, “okay” and fishes through the change in his pocket before inserting the required amount into the slot on the machine. He clicks the button and watches the granola bar drop, before inserting the last of his change as well, grabbing another granola bar, the last one. He knows he probably looks crazy, but he’s okay with doing so if it means he holds this boy’s attention for a while longer. Lucas fishes both granola bars out the machine and turns to the boy, who looks rather perplexed.

“Oh shit, did you want one too?” Lucas asks causally.

The boy’s eyebrows furrow as Lucas speaks up again. “Well good thing they’re for the both of us then. Are you coming?” He quips, pulling the joint out from behind his ear and putting it in between his lips before walking back over to the stop, hoping the blue eyed boy will follow, and thankfully he does. The two sit a seat apart from each other and make conversation about the common room meeting, passing the lit joint back and forth, and Lucas would be lying if he said he wasn’t drawn to this boy, to the way he talks, his mannerisms, his demeanor. All is good until a girl, who obviously seems to know the boy, comes up to the both of them, interrupting their conversation. Lucas curses her out internally.

Although I definitely would rather not talk to her, I play it nice, introducing myself to her, and then repeating my name for the boy to hear as well. He says his name back, looking just about as uninterested in the conversation with this girl as I am.

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The next time Lucas runs into Elliot is at that same bus stop, and he sits down beside him as he sees him furiously typing away on his phone. Elliot informs him that he needs beer for a party, yet doesn’t have the resources to get it, and Lucas I left with yet another opportunity to spend more time around him. So naturally, he offers.

“I can lend you some” Lucas says, and watches as Elliot shakes his head softly.

“I don’t like to borrow money” Elliot replies, and Lucas counters back with “No, I don’t have any money, I do have lots of beers though” he states, a half smile on his lips, a bit of a laugh falling from them.

The bus pulls up and Lucas turns back to face Elliot while he grabs his bag. “You coming?” He remarks, somewhat satisfied when Elliot gets up and follows him onto the bus. They rode back to Lucas’ place, and spent the rest of the night getting high and drinking, and making complete fools of themselves. He shows Elliot his music taste, and although he doesn’t seem too amused with the song, he smiles and says it’s cool anyway, which Lucas can’t help but appreciate.

It’s a little while later, after some meaningless conversation, that Elliot spots the piano in Lucas’ place. He runs his hands over the cover before opening it and sitting down, and Lucas is awaiting his next movement. Elliot asks if he can try, and then sits down on the piano stool, seeming to focus before his fingers begin to dance on the keys. Lucas doesn’t think much of it at first, but then it turns into a graceful melody, and it seems like Elliot gets lost in the song, playing as if it’s his own emotions escaping through the music, and Lucas almost feels his heart skip a beat. He had no idea that Elliot was this talented, and watching the boy play so effortlessly was kind of making his head spin. Lucas leans forward, still taking a drag from the joint as he listens intently. He feels transfixed by Elliot, by the way he moves so gracefully, and it’s then that the infatuation with the boy begins to grow.

Lucas knows it’s probably wrong to be feeling this way when he has a girlfriend, really, he does, but that doesn’t stop it from happening. He even completely forgets that he has to leave and meet some friends, so he groans when it pops back into his mind. He gets the beers for Elliot and says goodbye to him, letting him out the door, but for the rest of the night, Elliot and that damn melody he played stays in the back of his mind.

Later that night Lucas discovered that Elliot left his scarf behind, and seeing it as a way to talk to him again, he aims to give it back the next day. So when tomorrow comes and Elliot finds Lucas with his same group of friends he comes up, and returns the scarf to the taller boy. When Elliot makes up a lie about where he must have lost it, Lucas falters a bit. He doesn’t exactly know why Elliot seemed to switch up and act like they don’t know each other, but he goes along with it anyway, saying goodbye to the boy as he walks off.

Chapter Text

The tension between Lucas and Elliot really starts to heat up at the secret common room party. Lucas catches Elliot’s eyes almost as soon as they get inside, and goddamnit, Lucas is yet again a bit mesmerized by him. Elliot has a girl by his side, the same girl who interrupted their conversation at the bus stop, and it annoys Lucas in ways it probably shouldn’t, especially since he has his own girlfriend on his arm right now.

It’s when they get on the dance floor that he and Lucas finally bump into each other, and it feels almost awkward. The girls beside them introduce themselves to one another, and Lucas now knows the girl on Elliot’s arm as Lucille.

He soon finds himself in the crowded dance floor, dancing with Chloè, and he’s trying to get into it, to focus on her, he really is, but he can’t stop glancing over at Elliot and Lucille. Especially since Elliot keeps glancing his way as well, like they’re both watching each other from afar. He watches as Lucille pulls Elliot into a kiss, most likely to keep his attention on her, and he watches as Elliot’s eyes stay open during the kiss, his gaze still on Lucas. Lucas, feeling a sense of jealousy in his stomach, gently grabs Chloè’s face and begins to kiss her, keeping his eyes open to not lose eye contact with Elliot. They continue like this for what feels like forever, each kissing the girl they came with while practically eye fucking one another. It’s oddly intimate, and Lucas can’t help but think that Elliot has to be feeling the same way he is.

Suddenly the people around them are yelling about the cops coming, and the whole room of people disperses. He loses Chloè somewhere along the way while running out to avoid being caught, and then sees Elliot stuck in the alleyway like a deer caught in headlights. He doesn’t think before he grabs Elliot’s arm and guides him back behind the school. He laughs as their backs hit the wall, looking around to make sure they are in the clear, both catching their breath.

“Fuck that was close” Elliot says, still seeming like his heart is racing.

“Shall we go? I can walk you home” Lucas offers, his confidence taking over.

They walk back to Elliot’s shared place, side by side. Before Lucas breaks the silence.

“Seems like you and Lucille are getting close” he says, trying not to seem jealous

“Oh yeah, she’s cool” Elliot responds back, ducking his head slightly before speaking again. “I don’t know.. she’s like way into me, it’s stressing me out” he seems to confess.

Lucas simply smiles casually, and listens as Elliot speaks again, “What about you and Chloè?” He asks, “Have you been together long?”

“A while yeah” Lucas answers honestly, but not with too much enthusiasm.

Elliot nods slowly, “it shows” he says solemnly, “she seems cool” he adds

“Yeah she’s great.. but I think we’re near the end” Lucas replies, still being brutally honest. He’s finally speaking the thought he’s had for a while now, and with his growing fascination with Elliot, it’s rather easy to get out.

“I don’t know, our relationship is going in circles. I don’t know if I still want that” Lucas continues

“To be in a relationship?” Elliot asks curiously

“No, I do want to be in a relationship” Lucas clarifies, a comfortable silence falling over them both.

“So.. you see yourself with a new girl straight away?” Elliot brings up, breaking the silence

“Yeah” Lucas answers with a coy smile and a shrug. “Not necessarily a girl though” He clarifies

He can almost see the intrigue in Elliot’s eyes as his head turns immediately to look at Lucas. The air has become supercharged with tension, and Lucas certainly feels it.

Elliot steps forward, “we’re here” he announces.

“This is where we say goodnight then” Lucas says, stepping a bit closer to Elliot. He looks up at the taller boy, neither of them able to look away. Lucas thinks they might kiss, that is until a brunette haired girl speaks from behind them, a suitcase beside her.

“Hi” she says, more so to Elliot Than to Lucas.

And for fucks sake, Lucas lost his chance again.