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How does he manage to lie there, looking absolutely angelic, a picture of innocence, after what we just did? Not that I'm complaining; I could stare at the silken strands of hair pressed contentedly against my chest all day if possible. I smile softly, lifting one hand towards the current object of my attentions, fingers raking through those obsidian locks tenderly.
He makes an almost feline sound of content, somewhere in the back of his throat, and cuddles closer to me. I felt myself melting, felt myself falling for him all over again. I twist my neck forward just slightly, my lips barely touching the top of his head. He doesn't notice, or if he does, he makes no indication of it.
One of my arms is trapped under him, bent at the elbow to curl about his waist. Of course, this is all under the sheet...somehow, I'd managed to pull the thin cloth over us before he nuzzled up to my side.
"Love you, Tom."
Those words echoed through my head, spoken in a sleepy haze. That single phrase would have normally caused me to jerk up, make some excuse. Love was something I wasn't experienced in. Love was something I tried to run from.
Love was something I didn't deserve.
Somehow, someway, the way Ensign Harry Kim said it, those words held me spellbound. Maybe it was just that he was my best friend first, and I couldn't have lived seeing the hurt in those eyes if I had suddenly had to leave...
On the other hand, maybe, just maybe, I loved him too.
I'd never said it. I've never been able to say it. He was content with it...he was content just to be with me. Stolen kisses in a quiet corner of the Mess Hall, a quick squeeze of his hand as I left the Bridge, a hidden caress of his cheek when he visited Sickbay before going on or off shift...these were the things he was happy with. I knew he'd never ask for more. I knew he would have been content just being my friend.
He understood me in a way no one else could. In a way that even I couldn't understand myself.
Many cultures speak of a predestined love, that one person you're meant to be with, no matter gender, age, race... That single entity that, if only you could be lucky to find, would bring you happiness beyond anything you've ever imagined. A kindred spirit, a bonded heart...a soulmate.
Perhaps I've found my soulmate. Perhaps he's laying right next to me at this very moment, his breath slow and soft and warm against my chest.
I love him. Whatever Powers That Be help me, I love him.