Work Text:
Bevan walked into the basement with some files.
"Montagu these files need sorting. Can you please do it ASAP?"
"Yes of.... Wait is that the phone ringing?"
"It's not?"
Monty had already gotten up to pick up the phone that was definitely not ringing.
"Hello? WHAT? Timmy fell down the sink upstairs in the toilet? I'll be there immediately!" And Monty ran out the basement as fast as he could.
Bevan pinched the bridge of his nose before following up the stairs and down the corridor to find that the toilet was locked.
"Montague. What are you doing?"
"I'm currently comforting Timmy's mother, she's distraught!"
"I.... You know what.... I'm just going to let this play out."
"Yes Mrs Timmy I'll rescue your son as quickly as possible! Now, do we have any rope? We have toilet roll! That will have to suffice! Timmy I'm lowering it down! You need to grab on tight!"
"Give me strength......" Bevan muttered.
Monty started making strained noises that were supposed to sound like he was pulling this fictional child up from out the drain with this fictional rope, but really he just sounded like a dying animal.
"Timmy you are nearly up! We can do this!"
Monty made another dying animal noise before cheering loudly.
"Oh thank you Mr Montagu! You've saved my son! You really are the most handsome amazing sexy person I've ever met!" Monty said in a highly offensive feminine voice. "It's no problem my darling. Now Timmy! No more falling down the sink!" He said in his usual voice.
It took everything in Bevan to not smash his head against the wall.
"I've got a present for you you wonderful hero!" He said in that terrible voice again. "Oh you don't have to! It's all in a day's work!" Monty was switching back and forth having a full conversation. "No no I insist!"
Bevan heard the tap start running and he was even more confused.
"Wow Mrs Timmy! This is everything I have ever wanted and more!"
"Montagu unlock this door immediately."
The tap switched off and he heard the door click open. Bevan stepped in to see one of the sinks full and potentially the worst origami boat he'd ever seen that was currently sinking.
"She gave me a pirate ship!"