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Suho was trying, he really was. He was finally able to leave the hospital and go back to normal life. The doctors had even told him that he got better faster than they thought possible. Suho said it was because he was stronger than the normal man; Sieun said it was because he was too stubborn to stay still for longer than a week. Suho chose not to listen to Sieun since he had stayed still longer than a week – he had stayed at the hospital for two months. And now he was out. Free to roam the streets and bother Sieun. But something was stopping him from doing that, three things actually. And Suho was trying to be fine with it, he really was.
It got harder for him since he got out of the hospital. In there, Sieun would visit him, and his new friends knew to give him some space, letting him go see Suho alone. That was good. Suho got his friend all to himself. Outside of the hospital, things were different. Sieun was constantly surrounded by three people who were getting on Suho’s nerves.
Hyuntak wasn’t that big of an issue. He was usually busy hovering around Juntae. He was loud at first, but Suho got used to it. He talked bigger than he acted, mostly. Sure, he could be annoying at times, but it was manageable.
Juntae was a whole different issue. No matter how hard he tried, Suho couldn’t stop seeing Beomseok. A passive nerd with glasses. That was all Suho saw, and it made him want to keep Sieun far away from the boy. That was easier said than done since Juntae was always so close to Sieun. He would constantly be the first to greet Sieun and sit next to him or stand next to him, and Suho was getting sick of it.
And the last of the three: Park Humin, “Baku.” The worst of them all. He was way too touchy and way too close to Sieun all of the time. Suho noticed it immediately, the way that Humin would wrap an arm around Sieun or mess up his hair with a rough hand on his head. Suho noticed everything because it was everything that he had always wanted to do with Sieun, but he hadn’t allowed himself to.
Not only were those three on his nerves – Sieun was… strange. He was different. Suho knew that was to be expected since Sieun had lived his life for years while Suho was lying unconscious. Of course things would change, but it didn’t hurt any less when Suho saw Sieun do something that Suho would never imagine he’d do. Like let Humin hang off him every second of the day. Like he was doing currently.
The five of them were sitting at a table near a park. Kids were playing and laughing a few feet away, a clear difference to how Suho was feeling. He was stuck sitting across from Sieun, giving him a perfect view of Humin practically lying on top of Sieun. Next to Suho was Juntae, and next to him was Hyuntak.
They were talking and laughing – well, three of them were. Sieun watched them silently, and Suho stayed quiet as he looked away from the group, acting like he was paying attention to something in the distance.
As he was trying to keep his mind off of the boys around him, Suho got sucked into the conversation by a few words.
“We should go to a hot spring together,” Humin said, pulling Sieun closer to him. “Maybe it will thaw you out, princess.”
“Princess?” Suho questioned. His voice came out darker than he meant.
Sieun half-heartedly tried to push Humin away, but gave up when he didn’t budge.
“It’s just a dumb nickname,” Sieun said.
Adding to the fire already in Suho, Juntae added, “It used to be ice princess, but Sieun-ah has warmed up to us more.”
Suho didn’t mean to glare; he really didn’t. Hearing that timid voice just put him over the edge. He didn’t know how his face looked, but based on the reactions he got, it couldn’t have been good. Juntae immediately ducked his head and scooted closer to Hyuntak, who wrapped a protective arm around him and gave Suho a cold look. Humin had tensed, glancing between Suho and Juntae, looking like he was ready to jump in if needed. Sieun was looking at Suho with a blank face, but a slightly furrowed brow.
After a stiff moment, Suho made his shoulders relax and fixed his face into a laid-back expression.
“Nice nickname,” he forced the words out as he looked away again.
The conversation caught back up with assistance from Humin. Hyuntak kept his arm around Juntae, and the shorter made sure to keep some distance between Suho and himself on the bench.
Suho busied himself again with looking at imaginary interesting things in the distance, so he didn’t notice that Sieun was still looking at him. He felt something tap his foot. Thinking it was just someone not paying attention to their space, Suho ignored it. Then his shin got kicked, hard. He snapped his head back toward the table and saw that Sieun’s eyes were still on him, boring into him.
And suddenly, the world froze, and it was just Suho and Sieun again. Sieun was staring at Suho the way that only Sieun could. If Suho had to pick only one thing that he missed the most while he was in the coma, he would pick Sieun’s eyes. There was something so deep and unexplainable about them. It’s like they held all of Sieun’s emotions, and if you looked into them, the rest of the world just disappeared.
“Come with me,” Sieun said. It wasn’t an invitation or a suggestion; it was an order. He stood and headed away from the park, toward a tree in the middle of a large spot of grass.
Suho looked at the other three.
“Well?” Humin said, looking at him with raised eyebrows. “What are you still doing here? Follow him.”
Suho stood without a word and jogged after Sieun. For not liking exercise, Sieun could walk pretty fast. He stopped once he got to the tree, turning around and watching Suho as he approached.
Suho leaned against the tree and looked at Sieun. Sieun looked back.
“What?” Suho asked after a moment of silent staring.
“I’m waiting for you.”
“…What?”
“I’m waiting for you to tell me what’s wrong,” said Sieun.
Suho crossed his arms and looked away. “Nothing wrong. Why would something be wrong?”
Sieun stared.
Suho set his jaw, then groaned when Sieun didn’t stop. “What’s with those eyes? Why do you always look at me like that? With those eyes!”
Sieun looked a little shocked by the outburst, blinking and shifting back an inch. Something in Suho twinged at seeing Sieun shocked. He didn’t want that to be the emotion that he made Sieun feel.
Suho wanted to punch himself, or have someone else punch him. Ever since the coma, everything had gotten… more. More complicated. More crowded. More emotional. More everything!
More loud.
Suho could hear everything. The blood rushing in his ears, a static he couldn’t turn off. The kids at the park, chasing each other, laughing when they got tagged. The three boys still at the table, laughing at something Juntae had said. The cars in the distance, honking, as if it will make them drive faster. The birds in the tree above him, their chirps loud and grating. It’s like Suho could hear everything in the whole world all at once, and it wouldn’t shut up ever.
Then Sieun got closer, and the noises faded to a dull static. Sieun had taken two steps towards him – their bodies were less than a foot apart. Suho had never been more relieved that Sieun was short, keeping a larger gap between their faces. Suho kept his eyes up, refusing to look down at Sieun.
“Why won’t you talk to me?”
Suho’s chest squeezed. Sieun sounded so distraught. Suho had never heard his voice filled with such sad emotion. He looked down and immediately regretted it. Sieun was looking up at him with tears in his eyes.
“Wha– No, Sieun, I–” Suho didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t bear to be the reason that Sieun was crying.
“I waited so long–” Sieun’s voice broke. “I didn’t hear your voice for years – not even in my dreams. Now you’re back, but you barely talk to me anymore. You never talk when we’re all together, you just glare at my friends. And you never talk to me about how you’re feeling or what’s going on with you!” The tears didn’t fall, but Sieun’s lower lip trembled. “I miss your voice.”
Suho’s hands twitched at his sides. With little hesitation, he closed the space between their bodies and wrapped his arms around Sieun. Suho could feel him shaking in his arms.
“I’m sorry.” Suho doesn’t often say that in a serious way. He’s not used to apologizing for important things. But Sieun is the most important thing. “I’m sorry, Sieun-ah. I didn’t mean to make you feel like this.”
There was more he wanted to say, but this’ll do for now. He made a mental note to talk to Sieun about how he’s felt after coming out of the coma. He would need to tell him how jealous he is of Sieun's new friends and how much they remind him of past, painful memories.
Suho loosened his hold, allowing Sieun to step away if he wanted. Instead, Sieun dropped his head so it rested against Suho’s chest. Suho kept his hands on Sieun’s back, rubbing it gently.
Sieun shook his head slowly. “No, I’m sorry. I know things are hard for you right now. I should be doing better. I can take care of you better, I know I can.”
The last sentence was said in a quieter tone, but Suho heard it anyway.
“Take care of me,” Suho laughed. “Why would you need to take care of me?”
Sieun looked up at him. “You were in a coma.”
“And? It’s not like it’s your fault.”
Sieun looked away; Suho’s heart sank.
“Sieun, do you think my coma was your fault?”
He stayed silent.
“Why would you think that?” Suho asked softly.
“You fought because–” His voice broke off.
Suho thought back. It got easier to remember every passing day, but some memories still evaded him. He remembered going into the fight with something to prove. But that didn’t seem like something he would do. He didn’t enjoy fighting and would only do it for a good reason, not to prove something.
He tried to do something his therapist taught him. Think back to moments before the memory you’re trying to remember. What built up to what happened? He remembered going to Sieun’s home, but not going inside. That wasn’t like him. He would always go inside asking for water – an excuse to see Sieun. But this time, Suho remembered that he had just stood outside the door.
He remembered that Sieun barely looked at him.
That wasn’t like Sieun; his gaze never wavered even when faced with a group of people ready to fight him. Sieun was brave with his eyes, but when Suho visited him, he had struggled to look Suho in the eyes.
Then Suho remembered the cast. That’s right, someone had hurt Sieun. Because Sieun had gone to confront Beomseok in Suho’s place.
Now, Suho remembered why he fought. He did have something to prove. He wanted – needed – to prove that he would always be there for Sieun.
And then he was in a coma for years, leaving Sieun all alone…
But Sieun had found friends…
Friends who Suho was treating horribly.
“I didn’t fight because of you,” Suho said.
Sieun looked up at him, his tears making his eyes sparkle.
“I fought for you.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
Suho shook his head. He raised his hands and cradled Sieun’s face, unable to resist squishing his cheeks.
“You didn’t tell me to fight,” Suho said. “You were trying to protect me from fighting. My own mind made me do it. I had to show those assholes that they weren’t allowed to mess with you without consequences.” He paused, then said, “There’s something I never told you about that day. Can I tell you what I did?”
Sieun looked a little concerned, but nodded.
“When I went to the boxing ring, they were all there.” Suho moved his hands down to rest them on Sieun’s shoulders. “All of the guys who hurt you. I couldn’t resist, I beat them up. I said it was a warm-up, but it was an excuse to hurt everyone who hurt you. I couldn’t just let them get away with it.”
Sieun was looking at him with widened eyes.
“Nothing is your fault, Sieun-ah,” said Suho. “You didn’t even tell me what happened to you, so how could you have any impact on my decision? I chose to do what I did. My choices were never influenced by you, only my heart.”
There was a stretch of silence. Sieun looked up at him with wide eyes, his lips parted slightly in shock.
“Your heart?” he asked.
Now it was Suho’s turn to be shocked. He had been so caught up in making Sieun feel better, he didn’t even realize what he had been saying.
Sieun blinked a few times, then looked away. “You shouldn’t say things like that. It makes you sound like you’re in a cheesy romance drama.”
Feeling bold suddenly, Suho tossed caution to the wind. With one hand, he tipped Sieun’s chin up and said, “I’d be fine being in one of those dramas if it was with you.”
Sieun blushed. Suho had never seen Sieun blush before. His ear got bright red, and his cheeks had a dusting to them, too. Suho wasn’t sure if the rapid heartbeat he was hearing was Sieun’s or his own.
Suho’s caution blew right back in his face. He took a step back, taking his hand off Sieun’s face, trying to give the shorter some space. Before he could get too far, Sieun’s hand shot up and grabbed his wrist. Now, Suho was sure that he was hearing his own heartbeat.
“Romance?” Sieun asked, his grip on Suho was tight. “With me?”
Suho was sure his ears were red now, too. He just nodded dumbly, lost for words.
Then Sieun did the most wonderful thing ever: he smiled. Suho could count on one hand the number of times he had seen that smile, and it never failed to fill him with a fuzzy feeling.
“Cute,” Suho muttered.
Sieun ducked his head. He was still holding onto Suho’s arm.
“Can I kiss you?” Sieun asked quietly.
“Finally.”
Suho used both hands to lift Sieun’s face as he tilted his head down to connect their lips. Suho swallowed Sieun’s gasp and felt the hand on his arm tighten before it loosened as Sieun relaxed into the kiss. To Suho, the moment passed too fast. He had waited too long to kiss Sieun for it to last only five seconds. Despite him wanting more, the instant that Sieun started to pull away, Suho let him, moving back too.
Suho looked back down at Sieun’s face and wanted to kiss him again. He wanted to kiss him until he would never stop smiling.
They stayed close to each other for a few more moments of calm silence.
Finally, Sieun said, “We should go back.”
Suho had forgotten about the three boys they had left at the table. Once they kissed, everything else had left Suho’s mind. Reluctantly, Suho agreed, following close behind Sieun as he headed back toward the others.
As they got closer, Suho noticed something had changed. Humin had moved to the other bench, sitting with Hyuntak and Juntae. That left Suho and Sieun to sit together on the other bench. Suho also noticed that the three were sitting in silence, watching Suho and Sieun as they returned. Juntae was pink in the face and quickly looked away when Suho glanced at him. Hyuntak was smirking as his eyes flickered between Suho and Sieun. Humin had his phone in his hand as he smiled coily at Suho. He sent a wink when Suho looked at him.
Sieun didn’t seem to notice that anything was different as he sat down and looked to his friends, ready to listen to their conversation again. He hesitated when he noticed the way they were looking at him.
“What?” said Sieun.
“Did you two have fun?” Humin asked, smiling wider.
Sieun narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about?”
Humin spun his phone around and showed that on his screen was a picture of Suho and Sieun kissing, half blocked by the tree. Sieun reached for the phone, but only grabbed air as Humin pulled it away.
“Humin,” Sieun said, “delete it.” He kept his voice monotone, but his reddening ears exposed his true emotions.
Suho was too busy looking at the picture to back Sieun up.
“It’s about time you two got together,” Hyuntak said. “I thought you’d remain oblivious for the rest of your lives.”
That got Suho’s attention. He scoffed and said, “You’re one to talk.” He nodded his head at Juntae, who gave him a confused look.
“Shut up!” squawked Hyuntak.
“Only if you do first,” Suho challenged.
Hyuntak opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Humin smacked the back of Hyuntak’s head.
“Alright, enough,” Humin said. “They finally kissed, so we’ll have plenty of time to make fun of them later. Let’s go get some food. I’m starving!”
They all got up and started toward a restaurant they knew in the area. Hyuntak had thrown an arm over Sieun’s shoulders and kept bothering him about his new love life. Juntae was trying to get Hyuntak to leave him alone. Suho and Humin watched from a few feet back.
“Good job finally kissing him,” Humin said. “Even before I met you, I knew that he loved you.”
Loved him. Suho couldn’t fight the smile from his face. He never imagined he’d be able to kiss Sieun or know that they felt the same way about each other. Even before Suho interfered in Sieun’s fight in the classroom, he’d never admit it, but his eyes had always gravitated toward the shorter boy. He noticed how hard he worked in class, but never looked for congratulations from others. Suho had always admired Sieun’s silent determination, and before he knew it, he had fallen for Sieun. When he got into the fight with Yeongbin, Suho found his opportunity to insert himself into Sieun’s life.
Now, he was still getting used to Sieun’s new life, but he would continue to try. He noticed that he felt nothing negative while watching Hyuntak hang on Sieun. His eyes flickered over to Humin and noticed how fond his gaze was on Sieun. Again, no bad feelings about it. Suho had been around them enough to know that Humin liked to imagine himself as a big brother to Sieun. Sure, Suho had been jealous of their closeness, but he never thought that Humin ever felt anything romantic toward Sieun.
Suho looked back at Sieun. He was trying to shrug Hyuntak off with no luck. The fuzzy feeling in Suho’s chest came back. He still couldn’t believe that he had finally kissed Sieun.
Suho nudged Humin as they walked and said, “Can I ask a favor?”
“Shoot.”
“Send me that photo.”
Humin grinned. “Of course.”