Work Text:
show me love (not a dream)
✆
“Bonjour, beautiful soul! You’ve reached the voicemail of the one and only, Princess Audrey Rose. Unfortunately, for you, I can’t come to the phone right now, but I insist that you leave a message as I’m always welcoming to help! Have a blessed day!”
Voicemail. Again.
Chad is totally unbothered. Really, why should he give a shit that his girlfriend has been missing for three days and hasn’t been answering any of his calls (287, to be exact) from today? He’s totally not pressed at all.
Okay, he’s very pressed right now. Some may call it being “clingy”, but Chad has never gone this long without talking to Audrey, even when they were just friends. He didn’t even do anything wrong this time, at least that’s what he’s sure of. They shop at the mall together, they get their nails and hair done at the Tremaines’ salon together (family discount!), and they gossip non-stop shit about other people together. Chad is honestly offended that he’s being ghosted right now because if anything, he’s literally the most perfect boyfriend ever.
Him and Audrey are supposed to be the campus power couple, well that’s Ben and Mal, but they’re going to drop from second place if Chad doesn’t even know if Audrey is still alive. She doesn’t take any of his classes (they’re all advanced, of course), and they don’t get the same lunch breaks, so it’s hard enough to see each other, not to mention the fact that campus is fucking huge. But Chad has caught up with her before during classes, it’s not hard to miss platinum hair with blue and pink streaks in a sea of brunettes, blondes, and jet-hairs (even though he’s missed it on several occasions).
She hasn’t been in her dorm for the past few days, according to Lonnie. She apparently didn’t go home to Auroria, according to Queen Leah. She “unfortunately” wasn’t dead, according to Freddie. Fuck, now Chad was just asking anyone if they knew where the hell she could possibly be.
“No, I don’t know where she is— can you let go? You’re hurting me,” Aziz cautioned.
“How the fuck should I know? You’re always asking dumb questions,” Uma snarled.
“Aw, yer lass finally split from ya, eh? Well, you always have a place in me bed, blondie,” Harry whispered in his ear.
“Oh, I think she’s in the Feminist Allegiance Club. Room 3017,” Jane stated. “They’re probably finishing up a meeting right now.”
Bingo. Leave it up to Jane to be the one that actually helps. Of fucking course, Audrey’s in a club meeting. She was in so many clubs that Chad couldn’t even bring himself to care when she listed off the ones she participated in (and tried to force him to participate in).
So many thoughts raced through his head as he ungracefully ran through the hallways and stairs. God, he couldn’t wait to see Audrey. Maybe they can catch up on their dramas, or go to the new sale at the department store in the mall, or maybe get a manicure done at Anthony and Dizzy’s shop.
Now he slowly approached room 3017.
Perhaps he could try the more romantic approach. A surprise “boo!”, a hand over eyes and “guess who is it?”, should he have bought some roses before running?, maybe a surprise hug, or a surprise kiss...
Kiss...
Chad stood in the doorway, and any thought he had of kissing Audrey was immediately squandered. She was right there, in the middle of the room. Not lecturing about women’s rights. Not bossing someone around to get something printed for her. Not even just sitting there and fixing her makeup. It was platinum hair moving in rhythm with violet-hued bangs.
Audrey was kissing Mal.
Chad stepped away from the door for a second, away from the girls’ view. Was he imagining this? The end of the week always did have him more delusional than usual, but two girls kissing wasn’t a picture that frequently played in his conscious. He quietly peeped into the room again — they were still kissing. It wasn’t even a small, conservative press on the lips. They were making out, Chad thinks he can see a bit of tongue too. He was literally watching his girlfriend make out with another girl.
Chad slowly stepped back from the room, his face flushing an angry cherry hue from many emotions — embarrassment, betrayal, hurt, and shame. His best friend cheated on him. Was this karma for how he treated girls in high school? Should he have seen this coming? It was Audrey and Mal for fuck’s sake, they hate each other, or so he thought. Was this what he got for being more gentlemanly? Maybe he should’ve probed Audrey on her whereabouts earlier and been more assertive with her, but being bossed around by her was just how their relationship naturally was. Either way, this was all so fucked. Her ghosting was starting to make sense but no sense at the same time and it made him even more frustrated.
As Chad bolted through the hallways back to his dorm, blinking back tears from burning his eyes and avoiding eye contact with any concerned bypassers, there was only one thing going through his mind —
Chad Charming will get his revenge.
✆
“Chad, I say this lovingly as your best friend, but you’re a fucking idiot.” Doug’s voice is shrill and tired over the phone. Just like in person.
Chad remains positive, ignoring the insult. “I think it’s a genius idea.”
“That’s the problem. You and genius don’t really go together,” Doug snorts. “Can’t you just be a normal person for once and just make some long ass post on ZapChat or change your GraceBook status to ‘single’ like the rest of us?”
“No, you’re so boring, Doug!” Chad whined. “It’s too cliché to do, that shit doesn’t turn heads or drop jaws or—“
“Make you seem like a dumbass?”
“ Anyways , it doesn’t shock anybody. I gotta make sure she feels the same type of embarrassment I felt and this is the perfect plan.” Chad states proudly, feeling even more confident in himself than usual.
There’s a very long pause between the line. So much time passes that Chad almost starts to ask Doug if he’s even still there, but a very long, winded sigh muffled by the quality of an Android answers that for him.
“So, let me get this straight.” Doug begins. “You catch your girlfriend cheating on you, so instead of just breaking up and moving on like an adult, you’re going to download Grindr and hook up with another dude to get back at her?”
“Yeah, that’s literally what I said a few minutes ago, dude. Keep up.” Chad said smugly. He can hear Doug facepalm through the call.
“Chad—“
“It makes sense! She cheated on me with a girl, so I’m gonna cheat on her with a guy. How is that a bad idea?”
“It’s not a bad idea or a good idea, it’s an unnecessary idea. It literally makes you as bad as her.” Doug reprimanded. “Besides, this is Audrey we’re talking about. I mean I know she can be kind of high maintenance, and gossipy, and bossy, and uh....”
“A bitch?”
“Basically. But cheating sounds like something even too extreme for her. Are you sure you saw right? Are you smoking weed with Herkie again?”
“ No. ” Chad had to stop him before they had that talk again. “I saw it with my own eyes. Her and Mal were just macking on each other like animals.” A bit dramatic. “Besides, Mal is cheating on Ben too!”
“They broke up a week ago, I thought you knew this.” Doug dryly mentions, beginning to sound more bored than irritated with the conversation now.
“They did? I didn’t know that, but still, what kind of asshole just rebounds that fast?”
“You.” Doug answered. “And if you need a guy to hook up with, why don’t you ask Harry? He’ll fuck anyone and anything that gives him any attention.”
Chad winces. “He scares me.”
“Honestly, the plan doesn’t make sense to me but you doing it does.” Doug says. “I always kind of thought you were gay.”
“What? I’m not gay.” Chad scoffs at the accusation because he’s like totally not gay.
“Chad, everyone knew you had a crush on Ben in middle school. Ben knew you had a crush on him. Or how about when we were little and you’d only hang out with Lonnie to see her older brother?”
“I wonder how Li’l Shang is doing.” Chad smiled softly, thinking of the older boy he used to idolize so much when he was ten and Shang was some big, grown up fifteen year old. Idolize. That’s the word. Chad shakes his head, remembering that he’s practically giving Doug ammo. “That doesn’t prove shit, Doug! Ben was my best friend and I just thought Shang was cool.”
Doug makes an unattractive chortle. “And I’m guessing your rivalry with Jay was purely hatred and not sexual tension?”
“What?” Chad stammered. “You’re fucking crazy, I’m not gay.”
“Okay, Chad.”
“Come on! Just because I’m a guy that likes fashion and keeping up with his appearance doesn’t mean I’m gay.” Chad argues.
“Don’t say you’re metrosexual. Please.”
“Well, if the glass slipper fits—“
“But it doesn’t.” Doug interrupts. “Chad, it’s not even about stereotypes. I mean I like fashion and I’m straight.”
Now Chad was the one unattractively chortling. “You? Fashion? The green and plaid say otherwise, dude.”
Doug ignores the insult. “Sure, whatever. It’s just that whenever you had a so-called ‘girlfriend’, you used her to do your work, so we just assumed that you didn’t like girls like that. Oh, and Lonnie told me how Li’l Shang totally knew you were crushing on him.”
“Doug.”
“And Aziz told me how he saw you staring at his ass in the locker room one time.”
“Doug.”
“Wait, and Reza told me he thinks you had a crush on him too. You must have a thing for Asian guys.”
“ Doug. ”
“No, cause I think you even had a crush on me.”
“ Doug! ” Chad yelled. God, this was even more embarrassing than the Audrey thing. And why was Doug the gossip plug?
“What? It’s true!” Doug said in protest.
“There’s explanations for all of those.”
“Then explain.”
“Um, well.” Chad could feel his temperature rising and his face accenting red. “I don’t need to explain myself to you! I’m not gay.”
”Sure, Chad.”
“I’m co-co-captain of the varsity tourney team!”
“That’s not a thing and it doesn’t prove anything, but alright Chad.”
“Seriously, I’ve had like fifty girlfriends in the past since middle school!”
“Funny how you still can’t keep one.”
“I am a manly man!”
“A manly man that likes other manly men.”
Chad could feel his face reddening again. “Seriously, Doug. I’m not gay.”
“Whatever, Chad. I’d love to talk about how you’re going to suck dick to make Audrey mad, but Evie is coming back for more outfits I have to try on. But by the way,” Doug’s voice becomes more somber. “If you are gay, you know I won’t judge you, right? Like, we’ve been friends for a long time and that’s not gonna make me look at you any different or whatever.”
“That’s cool, dude, but I’m telling you I’m not gay.”
“Just saying. Later, Chad.”
“I’m not g—“ Line disconnected.
Chad Charming is not gay.
✆
Grindr is fucking weird. Chad didn’t necessarily have any expectations going into this plan, but he expected a lot less than whatever the fuck was happening on this hellsite.
He’s lived in Auradon his whole life, yet was unaware of the great influx of wildly inappropriate rich old men that lived here. Chad still isn’t completely sure what a “sugar daddy” is, but he sure as hell doesn’t need one. He’s already loaded for God’s sake.
Not to mention, a lot of the men on this app are quick to show off their… parts. And their parts are ugly. Chad was eager to get revenge on Audrey, but not desperate, so after thirty minutes of scrolling through freaks and weirdos, he’s ready to call it a night and just give up.
That is until he gets a tap.
ChocolateTwink, 18.
Height: 5’6
Weight: 135 Ibs.
Body type: Slim
Tribes: Geek
I am: Single
Looking for: Right Now
Well, this person was eighteen, so at least he wasn’t old. Chad decides to give this one last try.
GoldenBomber: hey
ChocolateTwink: Um, hey!
GoldenBomber: not 2 be direct but uh face pic?
ChocolateTwink: Sorry, not really comfortable to do that :/
GoldenBomber: no it’s fine
GoldenBomber: so like what’s ur ethnicity or whatever
ChocolateTwink: Lemme guess, you’re one of those white guys that only goes for other white guys?
GoldenBomber: what??? no im not racist i just wanna get a description of u since u won’t show face pic
GoldenBomber: i assume u’re black bc ur name is chocolate twink ?
ChocolateTwink: No I’m mixed
ChocolateTwink: Black and white just like my hair lmao
GoldenBomber: black n white hair? r u old?
ChocolateTwink: My bio clearly says 18. I’m not old.
GoldenBomber: o thank GOD bc i’ve only found creepy old dudes on here
ChocolateTwink: Tell me about it
ChocolateTwink: I think you’re the first dude on here that didn’t start a convo by sending a dick pic so bravo to you
GoldenBomber: thank you, nice 2 find another non weirdo on here
GoldenBomber: any other things about u
ChocolateTwink: um I have freckles
GoldenBomber: dude anyone with freckles is like automatically cool
ChocolateTwink: haha Thank you! ^_^ You’re a nice guy
GoldenBomber: im not even bein nice like i’m so fkn serious i wish i had freckles
ChocolateTwink: aw :) So what about you? You don’t have a pic so describe yourself
GoldenBomber: i’m blonde, i’m tall, i have a quite the muscular build, and brown eyes u can’t help but get lost in ;)
ChocolateTwink: Wow, a charmer.
GoldenBomber: they do call me charming for a reason :)
ChocolateTwink: Ngl, you sound hot
GoldenBomber: that’s bc i am, duh
ChocolateTwink: Hot charming and confident, woah I’m liking you more by the minute
GoldenBomber: lol
ChocolateTwink : Can I just ask what type of things you’re in? Ik it’s weird to ask but I’m intrigued
GoldenBomber: nah it’s cool
GoldenBomber: i play tourney and roar but i also just watch reality shows and hang out w friends or whatever
ChocolateTwink: interesting
GoldenBomber: y do i feel like u’re being sarcastic
ChocolateTwink: Cause I am
GoldenBomber: rude ! i thought geeks were suppose to be nice
ChocolateTwink: I am! Sorry I just have a tendency sometimes to be a bit blunt
GoldenBomber: more like bitchy
ChocolateTwink: :(
GoldenBomber: don’t be sorry i like bitchy ppl
ChocolateTwink: :)
GoldenBomber: so since u asked me what i liked i guess i’ll ask u what u like even tho ik it’s gonna be geeky shit
ChocolateTwink: lol I really like robotics and computer shit mainly
GoldenBomber: interesting
ChocolateTwink: LMFAO SHUT UP
ChocolateTwink: I’m majoring in computer science
GoldenBomber: that’s cool im majoring in nursing, i kinda wanna be a vet bc i always grew up around animals so i wanna help them
ChocolateTwink: Look! Something interesting about you!
GoldenBomber: lmaooooo u’re annoying
ChocolateTwink: thank you ;) You go to Auradon University?
GoldenBomber: blue n gold till i die, wbu?
ChocolateTwink: Well ofc, I asked you didn’t I?
GoldenBomber: true true i don’t think i’ve seen u around i don’t recall a lot of funny people with black n white hair
ChocolateTwink: And of all the blonde gay guys I’ve seen around school, none of them had a personality so I definitely haven’t seen you
GoldenBomber: lol i’m not gay
ChocolateTwink: ???
GoldenBomber: oh uh i’m bi
ChocolateTwink: Oh that’s whatever, man
ChocolateTwink: So um you kinda see in my bio that I’m looking for a hookup right now
ChocolateTwink: And uh
GoldenBomber: ofc u didn’t even need to ask u’re the only non freak i’ve talked to today and u seem cool
ChocolateTwink: Thanks but I did need to ask. Consent is important yo
GoldenBomber: true true
GoldenBomber: so do u live on campus bc u can just walk to my dorm
ChocolateTwink: Yea I do, what’s your dorm number?
GoldenBomber: 56-7880 it’s in the western wing
ChocolateTwink: gotcha! I’m pretty submissive so i’ll do anything you want as long as it’s not like really freaky
GoldenBomber: oh ok
ChocolateTwink: and you don’t have any diseases right? And do you have condoms??
GoldenBomber: no to diseases and yes to condoms, i’m dumb but i'm not stupid
ChocolateTwink: LMFAO
GoldenBomber: so it’s a meetup?
ChocolateTwink: It’s a meetup! See, you in a bit :)
GoldenBomber: alright cya man :)
✆
Hygiene was something that Chad took very seriously (he’s royalty and the son of Cinderella, “neat freak” is literally in his blood). He just didn’t understand why he was taking it seriously right now. After getting out of the shower and putting on a very casual pair of shorts and a tank top (light blue of course), Chad couldn’t help but muse about his earlier conversation with “ChocolateTwink.”
What’s weird is that although he’s trying to make Audrey pissed, this ChocolateTwink character reminded him so much of her — mixed race, smart, funny, and a great sense of bitchiness that was fun. Just thinking about the striking similarities made him actually feel bad. Whenever he used someone in high school for some type of dumb, self-satisfactory plan it was whatever, they’ll both move on with their lives and he moves on to the next one, but now he just felt shitty.
Even though it was just a very brief, surface level conversation, Chad kind of wanted to be friends with this dude. He’s aware that hookup culture is largely “no strings attached”, but he’s always been an emotional mess, so shit maybe this was a stupid idea and maybe he should’ve just changed his GraceBook status or have some other type of embarrassingly public social media breakdown, but that meant having to admit to Doug that it was a shit idea and hearing the half-dwarf smugly say “I told you so.” proceeded with another pointless argument on how Chad was totally not gay. Yeah, no way in hell he was going to deal with that again. There’s no turning back now.
Chad’s thoughts are interrupted when he hears a knock on the door.
“Uh, hello? GoldenBomber? It’s me, ChocolateTwink.”
“Coming!” Chad shouted across the other side of the door. He wonders what this guy will look like. Maybe he’s big, or really scrawny, or maybe even ugly. Maybe he’s—
“Carlos de Vil?”
“Chad Charming?”
Maybe he was Carlos de Vil.
“You’re ChocolateTwink?”
“You’re GoldenBomber? What the hell are you doing on Gri—“
Chad shushed the younger male, pushing him into his dorm and shutting the door. “Quiet, de Vil. I don’t need other people hearing!”
“Trust me, Chad. I wouldn’t want to be caught dead being in close proximity to you.” Carlos remarked.
Damn, that snark was even better in person. Chad tries to match the wittiness. “I can’t believe they let someone who looks like they’re ten years old on Grindr.”
Carlos was quick to reply. “I can’t believe they let someone with the mentality of a ten year old on Grindr.”
Chad definitely couldn’t beat him at that. An awkward silence falls between the two, so Chad tries to make conversation.
“Well, de Vil, I haven’t seen you in a while. You look different.” Chad means it too. Carlos definitely grew more into his features, he looked kind of like… a man now.
Carlos looked unimpressed with Chad’s attempt at small talk. “And you look just as douchey as ever.” He crosses his arms, looking away. “I should’ve known it was you from the horrible grammar.”
“And I should’ve known it was you from... uh... when you said you had black and white hair... and had freckles.” Chad retorted horribly, eyes downcast from how shitty he was handling this ordeal. Hell, it’s not exactly like Carlos is the only person in the world with black and white hair and freckles. Or maybe he was.
Chad expects another tear inducing drag from Carlos that he can’t properly deflect, but to his surprise Carlos doesn’t respond. Chad looks up expecting the other male to be in deep, critical, scientific analysis of his next insult, but his mind blurs when he sees tears threatening to fall from Carlos’ eyes.
“Hey, uh, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Doesn’t really sound fine if you ask me.”
“No one’s asking you.”
Chad walks carefully over to Carlos, trying to be gentle. “If something’s bothering you then you can just tell me. I listened to Audrey’s problems all the time without knowing what the fuck she was talking about.”
Carlos scoffs. “Oh yeah, that really makes me want to tell you.”
A frown creased Chad’s features. “Hey, I’m just trying to be a gentleman.”
“Since when did you care about being a gentleman?”
“Since you started randomly crying in my dorm.” Chad gestures Carlos to sit on his bed. “Just talk to me, de Vil. I’m all ears.” He smiles, which isn’t returned.
For a moment, Carlos looks at Chad strangely, as if Chad was one of those mathy nerd problems he was always solving. After a few seconds of uncomfortable staring, Carlos’ face softens and he slowly sits on the bed, Chad following suit.
Reluctantly, Carlos speaks up, not making eye contact. “It’s just… today I only downloaded Grindr just so I can get a hookup because my boyfriend dumped me.”
Chad doesn’t mean to be nosey when he absentmindedly asks “Who?”
He swears Carlos gives him the death stare for a second. “It was Jay.”
“Oh.” Chad responds blankly. He used to have more vehement feelings towards Jay, mainly resentment, but they’ve gone away now.
“I thought he was the one. Like he was my happily ever after or whatever. I had such a huge crush on him back on the Isle, and everyone thought we were a cute couple and—“ Carlos’ expression darkens as he turns to Chad. “Wait, why am I telling you all of this? Why were you on Grindr?”
Chad can feel his face flush for what feels like the thousandth time today, except this time it was more in embarrassment than anger. Rubbing his neck, he stammers. “I, uh, I caught my girlfriend… cheating on me. It was with a girl so downloaded the app to get with a guy so I could get back at her.”
“Typical Chad, always using other people.” Carlos accused, rolling his eyes and turning his glance away from Chad.
“Hey! It’s not like there are any strings attatched! Either way, it’s not like anyone was gonna get hurt!” Chad protested.
Now it was Carlos who stammered and struggled to retort. “Yeah, well… it’s still wrong. It’s never cool to make a pawn out of someone. Fucking hell, after all this time and you’re still an asshole.”
“Look, I felt bad!” Chad stressed. Both of the boys were now standing up again, their eyes matching a fiery glaze within them. “I didn’t think things through when I came up with the idea, but right before you came I did feel bad because...” Chad glanced away from Carlos, trying to look everyone in the room except that explosion of freckles standing right in front of him. “When we talked, I thought you were pretty cool… and I didn’t wanna ruin the chances of anything outside a one night stand between us.”
Carlos’ snarl faltered. “Chad, do... do you really mean that?”
Chad nodded his head. “Listen, de Vil, that stupid shit I used to do in the past is in the past. That was the old me, the high school me, the even dumber version of me. I swear I’m not like that anymore. But some people still look at me weird even though I keep trying to prove myself.”
Carlos’ expression remained neutral, but hard. “Now you know what it’s like to be a VK.”
Chad almost winces at the memories that begin flooding his mind. “Carlos, I’m so fucking sorry for how I treated you and your friends when Ben brought you guys over here. My dad told me about how you guys would be nothing but trouble and that you would fuck as all over and I got scared, but that doesn’t excuse me treating you guys like shit, I guess.”
Silence fell over the room after Chad finishes his apology. Staring into Carlos’ eyes, the longer the boy doesn’t speak, the more Chad figures he might get a slap across the face. Instead, a wide smile cracks the corner of Carlos’ lips.
“You know Chad, that’s the first time you actually called me by my first name.”
“So... what, does that mean—“
“Yes, Chad. I forgive you.” He extends a comforting hand on Chad’s shoulder. “You really were a dick, but we’ve all done things in our past that were a mistake, but what matters is how you grow from those mistakes and learn.”
“Holy shit, you really are smart.” Chad smiled.
Carlos laughed softly. “Besides, I can tell you really are sorry and want to move on. Proud of you, man.” He says, offering a gentle pat on Chad’s back.
“Dude, thank you so much.” Chad grinned.
“But I’m gonna be upfront here, I might still be a little bit wary of you. Trust issues, y’know?” Carlos shrugged.
“That’s fair.” Chad said. “You think the others will forgive me? Evie’s still probably super pissed at me.”
“She’s moved on, but you really did hurt her.” Carlos says, moving his hand from Chad’s shoulder back to its original spot. “But I think she might forgive you.”
“Great! So you’ll tell her?”
“It’s not my apology, you have to tell her yourself. In person.”
“Gotcha.” Chad says. “Hey, Carlos, by the way, Jay is an idiot for breaking up for you.”
“Oh my god, Chad please, you don’t have to call him an idiot.”
“No man, I’m serious. Like, you’re smart as hell and really funny. And what sane dude would pass up someone with freckles?”
Chad feels accomplished when he sees Carlos’ face redden and the black and white haired boy laugh.
“Chad, shut up! I wish you were this adorable when we were at Auradon Prep.” He says, fiddling with the strings of his hoodie. “Also, Audrey is an idiot for cheating on you. That’s really fucked up of her.”
“Hey, man. It happens.” Chad said. “But I gotta go, it was nice seeing you again.”
“You too.” Carlos smiled.
When Chad left and got in his car, he just thought to himself.
“This was a good idea.”