Chapter Text
"Love me again in the next life, yeah?" Dean whispers as everything slowly fades away.
∞
God gazed upon Castiel.
“I want to be with him forever.”
It’s been almost a century. On and off.
“I don’t want to do this anymore.” He whispers. “I won’t be able to live if this happens again.” Pain fills his voice. Tears spilling from his eyes.
They always find each other.
No matter how hard I try to separate them.
The fate of the star-crossed lovers.
The curse of Dean Winchester.
And Castiel.
∞
The memories came back to him on his 20th birthday. It usually comes back at that time. It came back in bits and pieces and by the time he was 25 years-old, the memories flooded back all at once. Ever since then, he has always have more knowledge of pain than others. He had felt dizzy for days after that, but he couldn’t explain it to his mom. He didn’t want to burden her with his problem that he has dealt with for a century.
He refrains himself from telling this story even to his closest friends. Except for Gabriel because he is a victim, too, just less painful because he wasn’t cursed along with his true love.
Castiel just got a lead on her. He has to go to The Roadhouse. He finally found Benny and Benny could lead him to her. He tries to recall every person that has connections with her back then. It took him long enough. It’s not that he’s not good at finding people. He should be a professional by now. But trying to avoid him steers Castiel off his path. His shoulder blades hurt at most places he goes now.
It’s coming , he thinks. He still couldn’t imagine what will happen when he sees Dean. He could break down and cry at the spot.
The thought of Dean makes his heart clench.
The thought of Dean never left him since his 20th birthday.
There wasn’t a day go by that Castiel hadn’t thought of him.
Gabriel said that The Roadhouse just opened and he went to check it out. It was serendipity, indeed.
The bar closes at 3pm and opens again at 7pm. He has to work at night because the patients’ appointments are mostly at night. so he will have to hurry up if he wants to get there before 3pm.
The coffee is hot. It’s burning his hand from the inside out. Castiel glanced down at the blue watch on his left wrist. Darn it . He was going to be late.
Walking down the Houston street is always pleasant. There are never traffics in the way. He breathes in the fresh air and tries to walk faster without spilling the hot coffee.
He breathes in the air again but it wasn't so fresh this time. Engines smoke? He looks to his right and sees a truck driving carelessly towards a little girl. The girl just stood there bawling her eyes out.
Castiel ran towards the girl and spills his coffee all over his arm. His bag was heavy, too. That makes running ten times harder. The hot coffee soaked into his sleeves, burning his skin. But he has no time for that.
Once he got there, he grabs the girl and drags her back to the sidewalk. Fear in the girl's eyes looking up at him. He was about to look back up and yell at the truck driver but the truck was gone; leaving smoke behind.
Castiel coughs and waves the smoke away from his face. His shoulder blades suddenly hurts like crazy. But he’s too worried about the little girl to even care.
“Are you alright?” He asks the girl with a concern voice.
Before the girl could open her mouth and answer Castiel, a man came up to her and grabs her shoulders.
The man was facing his back to Castiel. His hair was dirty blonde and the curve of his hairline was similar to-
“What the hell do you think you're doing?” The man shouts at the little girl. Castiel can hear the genuine concern in his voice despite the attitude. The girl clutches at his arm and looks at him like she's about to cry.
That voice sounds-
Oh no…
Not again.
Castiel was about to step back, turning around, trying to head to work when a firm hand clasps on his shoulder, spinning him around. He shrugs off the hand before he could feel anything too intense. The man just lets it fall down to his side.
The man looks at him. “Thank you.” He said gratefully.
Castiel bites his lips together and looks up at the man.
Fuck.
Those green eyes are pouring into him like lava. Those peridot green eyes are recognizable anywhere. The pump lips. The freckles. The girly eyelashes. All these years, he's been trying to avoid one person, and now his knees feel weak when he sees him.
Gosh darn it , he's weak. 30 years was a record for him, to be honest.
Oh, Dean...
His breath quickens. Heart clenching. Hands shaking. He couldn't bring himself to open his mouth. He feels frozen under Dean’s look. He had rehearse their first conversation about a hundred times. He would be distance towards Dean, he thought. But now, standing in front of him for the first time in this life, he couldn't even breathe properly.
After all these years, he still looks as beautiful as the first time they met. Still as beautiful as ever.
Castiel realizes he'd been staring. “Y-You're welcome.” His voice shaking.
Dean's eyebrows furrow. He looks down at Castiel wet sleeve. “You spilled your coffee.”
“Yeah...I do that a lot.” Castiel says nervously.
Dean looks down at the little girl and scolds, “If you do that again, Claire, I will take tell Jody not to let you hang out with me anymore, got it?” The girl nods.
Ah...Claire...
That explains it.
Once again, Claire takes a part in their meeting.
He feels like he has to go now until things get...worse. But he couldn't feel the energy to lift his legs to back away.
“I can buy you another coffee since it's technically my fault you spilled it.” Dean says.
It took Castiel a second to realize that Dean was talking to him. “Uhm...That's not necessary. Thank you, though.” He tries to reject the smallest offer from Dean because it could lead them...places. And Castiel didn't want to do this anymore. He knows from experiences.
“Oh, c'mon. Just a thank you drink.” Dean smirks.
“I barely know you.” Castiel sighs. “For all I know, you could be a serial killer.” He rejects the offer as subtly as he can. Dean seems to think Castiel is flirting with him. Great.
“Dean Winchester.” He offers his hand to shake.
No shit.
Castiel swallows and takes Dean's hand.
Dean's hand is warm and clammy. It fits so perfectly around his. He could feel tears starting to swell up. Bile rising up his throat. His chest tightens.
Touching Dean’s hand after all these years bring back memories. Sad and happy ones at the same time. His feelings are something he couldn’t contain. Especially around Dean.
He pulls his hand back a bit too harsh and sees Dean frowning a little. But the frown quickly disappears and is replaced with a smile.
“Tell you what, have a drink with me and if you don't like then I'll leave you be.” He gestures behind himself.
“Okay.” The words slips out of Castiel before he could hesitate. This happens every time. Whenever he tries to deny Dean, he couldn't bring himself to do it all the way.
“Great.” Dean’s smile turns into a full grin. “Meet me at the Roadhouse at seven. It’s not far from here.”
Dean gives him a little wave and the next thing he sees is Dean and Claire's silhouette. He averts his gaze and tries not to dwell on any memory.
The Roadhouse? Wait . Isn’t that the same place he was going to find Benny?
Well, that’s convenient.
So he’ll have to get as much information from Benny as he can while talking to Dean and making sure there’s not gonna be a second date.
Does this mean that this is a date?
Aw great.
One step forward, two step back.
He's going to get hurt again. He knows that. Yet, he still wants to fall in love with Dean again. It's feels good every time it happens. He stands there, unsure what to do. It's happening. Again. And all he could do was participating.
Now this is what you call history is repeating itself.
Dean was charming. He was really charming. Like always. Well, not always. Except for that time in London, 1867.
He already felt this unexplainable attraction towards Dean the first time he met him- in this life, of course. He kept count. This is the 79th time they met for the first time. The 79th time Dean met him for the first time.
Castiel tried to avoid the places that makes his shoulder blades hurt. That's the only signal he gets that tells whenever Dean is nearby. He would try to walk further away from where he's heading or just head back home. That plan failed most of the time.
It's not that easy to avoid a specific someone when you live in the same town as them in every single life . The reason they met this time is because Castiel was trying to save that little girl from a truck.
Castiel is put in odd situations all the time. Come to think of it, he dodge a lot of them in this life, actually. But, it all leads to Dean meeting Castiel. Meeting Dean is inevitable. He should know that by now. He'll still extend their meeting as long as possible, though.
The longer, the better. The longer, the less he’ll get hurt.
Yet, he can't help himself to be far from Dean once he already met him.
Damn this curse. He has to find a way to break it, and the way to do that is to find the person who cast it in the first place.
He got used to this life after the first ten lives.
He knows that he has a lot of time.
Time is just an illusion to him, to be honest.
But for the first time, in a long time, he feels as if he’s running out of time.