Chapter Text
ham & cheese >> john cena, eliza schuyscraper, gilbert did ur momtier, hercules the olympian, angelicool, marg simpson
ham & cheese: GUYS
ham & cheese: H E L P M E
john cena: what happened
marg simpson: who died
ham & cheese: ME
ham & cheese: IM DEAD DON’T INVITE JEFFERSON OR BURR TO MY FUNERAL
gilbert did ur momtier: i like planning close friends funerals as much as the next person but i’d like to know your cause of death
hercules the olympian: ^
eliza schuyscarper: ^^
ham & cheese: OKAY SO I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE CALLED MY BOSS DAD
marg simpson: oH MY GOD WHAT WHY HOW WHEN W H E RE
angelicool: IM LAUGHFD
ham & cheese: IM GONNA OFF MYSLEF GUYS IM SO GODDAMN EMBARRASSED
hercules the olympian: IM PISSINF MYSELF HELP
gilbert did ur momtier: I CHOKED OH GOD
john cena: R I P FOREVER
ham & cheese: thanks a lot guys
ham & cheese: really appreciate it
eliza schuyscraper: no no it’s ok
eliza schuyscraper: explain what happened
ham & cheese: eliza is the only one here who loves me. But ok so washington was talking to me in his office and he was basically saying that i seemed really tired nd asked if i had been getting enough sleep. I said yeah sorta and he knew i was lying (but honestly who needs sleep???) so he let me have the next few days off but i dont want to miss work like that you know? So we argued and he won and i was really pissed and wasnt thinking about what the fuck i was saying so i yelled “BUT DAD I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DONT NEED I” and it was super loud and we stared at each other for a while and he started to talk and called me son but i cut him off, yelled “YOURE NOT MY DAD” and ran out before he could say anything
john cena: wow
marg simpson: dont mind me just casually dying in the middle of a lecture
gilbert did ur momtier: MON AMI HOW THE FUC K
angelicool: YOU POOR MAN OMG THATS FUCKIBG G9
ham & cheese: ELIZA BEST OF WOMEN BEST OF WIVES MY LOVE PLEASE TELL THEM TO LEAVE ME ALONE
eliza schuyscraper: …
ham & cheese: ??????eliza????????
eliza schuyscraper: im sorry alex i just finished dying of laughter
ham & cheese: OH COME ON IM LITERALLY DYING AND YOURE ALL JUST GOING TO LAUGH??? YOURE ALL EVIL I TELL YOU
ham & cheese: E V I L
john cena: love u 2 babe
ham & cheese: whatever
john cena: youre cute when u deny my love ;)
angelicool: john that was the rapiest thing i may have ever heard
marg simpson: damn john back at it again with the creepy shit
hercules the olympian: ok but i cant stop imagining alexander as the “youre not my dad” kid
gilbert did ur momtier: OH MY GOD I CANT UNSEE IT
ham & cheese: GO FUCK A HORSE MULLIGAN
gilbert did ur momtier: in which i am a horse
angelicool: y’all nasty
eliza schuyscrper: theyre nasty. ok. seems like u forgot two years ago huh angelica *tea, frog emoji*
marg simpson: I REMEMBER THAT TELL THEM
angelicool: NO DONT TELL THEM PLEASE
john cena: HWAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR
angelicool: SHUT IT LAURENS
gilbert did ur momtier: im intrigued
ham & cheese: I REFUSE TO BE THE ONLY HUMILIATED ONE IN THIS CHAT. ELIZA. WHAT HAPPENED.
eliza schuyscraper: well you see…
angelicool: nO DONT PLS HFHUEIWRH
eliza schuyscraper: so we were all at our parents house during winter break. angel had broughten her boyfriend at the time and my mom made these rly good cookies and my mom wanted angels bf to try some. they were both in angel’s room so my mom sent peg to get them
angelicool: END ME
eliza schuyscraper: the door was unlocked so peg opened it and walked in on angelica giving her bf a handjob. she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran downstairs all scared and shit. my mom asked what was wrong and then angel ran down before peg could say anything and gave her the Angelica Glare™ and told her not to say shit. so neither me or mom knew what had happened but of course our wonderful peggy told me when no one was around
marg simpson: i was never the same after that...
angelicool: kms
ham & cheese: EW OH MY GOD WHAT
angelicool: BITE ME HAMILTON AT LEAST I DONT CALL MY BOSS DAD
gilbert did ur momtier: i am,,, how do u say,,, disgusted
angelicool: THATS EXACTLY HOW YOU SAY IT SAISON MARGUERITE
hercules the olympian: alex may have called washingdone dad but goddamn i dont think even he woukd do something like that
ham & cheese: HERCULES MY KNIGHT
angelicool: thts it eliza we fightin
john cena: battle of the century
marg simpson: i feel like i should stop this…
marg simpson: lol nah
gilbert did ur momtier: battles and horrible stories aside, who wants to come over to me and herc’s place to watch the office
ham & cheese: ME ND JOHN ARE GOING
angelicool: me2 i guess
eliza schuyscraper: ill bring popcorn
marg simpson: i shall bringeth the sweets
gilbert did ur momtier: cool