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Chapter Text

Suguru Geto’s POV

Near enough identical to how the insides of his mind had felt over the past couple of weeks, Suguru and his bedroom were completely and utterly trashed, as if a bomb had been detonated in the centre. There were dozens of empty or half-empty cans of beer strewn everywhere across his floor, his ashtray was filled to the very brim with burnt-out cigarettes and at the foot of his unkempt bed, was a mountain’s worth of unwashed laundry. With the windows being constantly closed as well, the room completely reeked of tobacco smoke, alcohol and unpleasant body odour.

With a long, deep exhale, Suguru closed his eyes and wrapped his lips around the last cigarette from the packet that now laid empty upon his chest, lighting it with a lighter that had most certainly seen better days too. He hadn’t left his room in several days, coming up on a week; he just couldn’t bring himself to face the real world, there was zero reason for him to go out and face the cruelty of people and curses right now. All that he felt that he was capable of at this moment in time was breathing, trudging slowly through the day and trying to sleep, then repeat. This cycle was often mixed with the attempt to drown out the incessant voice in the corner of his head with endless smoking and drinking, but nothing seemed to work.

Though, just as he was about to take the very first drag from his seventh cigarette before lunchtime, there was the sound of knocking against the thin wood of his dorm room door. He closed his mouth and stayed silent, wanting to hide away more and pretend that no one was in here, wanting the person at the door to leave him alone, he couldn’t bear to face anyone. After a minute of time had passed, the knocks came back with a little more urgency than before. 

“Sugar…?” Comes the voice of one of his closest friends, R/N. “I know that you are in there.. Can you please let me in..?” She asks from just the other side of the door. There is concern laced into her tone along with hope.

Suguru remained quiet in his bed, the cigarette that was between his fingers was still burning and emitting the stench of smoke. He tried to hide from the woman on the other side of the door, at the very least, he tried to. After a few moments, he whispered softly, just loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to be able to hear him.

“Please… Just go..” He mumbled quietly, he didn’t want her to see him in such a vulnerable state, all hurting and tired, hungry and broken.

“I… I brought us both a pizza… I was thinking that maybe we could share some for lunch today..” She said in return to his request to just go away and leave him alone. He heard a very small huff of disappointment and sadness as she didn’t hear any reply from him. “Okay then… I will just leave the box outside of your door for you, for when you decide you want to come up and get it…” She continued after another beat.

There was a very light thud against the door, barely noticeable, as R/N had rested her head atop of the wooden panel. “All of us miss you, Suguru… We all miss you dearly… I miss you so much… ” She mumbled quietly. At those words, he felt himself ever so slightly flinch on his mattress. By God, he felt absolutely awful. He was fully aware that by locking himself in his room for so long like this, he was worrying people, especially his close friends. He knew that he was isolating himself.

But he… He just didn’t know what else to do with himself.

He could feel his heart and body stinging at her confession at her words… I miss you … That she missed him so badly, that she was willing to bring him his absolute favourite food with no prompt and the feeling kept nagging at him like a pit deep in his stomach. Guilt, it was an overwhelming and unbearable guilt that was eating away at him. He extinguished his unsmoked cigarette, placing it in the overflowing ashtray before biting his lip, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. 

Then, after a few minutes of more waiting, he heard the pizza box being set back down on the floor before R/N’s voice came back through the door in a sad, trembling tone. “Please don’t let it go cold, alright?” She asked quietly as she sniffled and sighed. “It is out here waiting for you…” And that was the last thing he heard from her as she began to make the walk back to her own dorm room. 

He could hear her footsteps growing more and more distant as he just laid there in his bed, staring up at his dark ceiling, unable to move. His mind was at war with itself as he contemplated. On one hand, his stomach was growling loudly as he could smell the greasy cheese and hot meats of the pizza from within his room. Yet on the other hand, the guilty part of him felt undeserving of such nourishment. He was so hungry, yet so tired.

With a reluctant huff, he sat up and stood from his bed slowly so as to not trigger any tunnel vision or dizziness due to the lack of water or food in his system. He threw off the covers and staggered unstable to the door, unlocking it and pushing it open, peeking around it. R/N was nearly at the end of the corridor with her arms crossed across her chest as she walked away from his room. The pizza box was by his feet just like she had said, their joint favourite pizza.

Suguru’s throat tightened again as he saw her shaking as she retreated, her figure trembling softly as the feeling of guilt surged over him like a tsunami. And now, he was certain that he was absolutely starving, and not just for food, for her attention and care. With a soft sigh, he slowly bent down to grab the pizza box, the scent of the melted cheese and spicy sausage made his mouth water. “Wait…” He called out with his hoarse, disused voice, all raspy from the lack of speaking in the last however long.

R/N immediately stopped walking as soon as she heard his voice calling towards her from the other end of the corridor. She felt a glimmer of hope and a flutter of her heart in her chest as she turned around to finally face him, expecting the worst from his appearance. As she did, she was greeted with her best friend, and he does look truly awful, the whites of his eyes are reddened from the smoking and from crying so much, and the surrounding skin is so dark from his lack of sleep.

Suguru stepped out of his room just a little bit more, now fully outside the cave he had been hiding in for the last few days, holding the pizza box in his hands like a small child with their stuffed animal. He could barely look at her, his face was very pale and it only made his dark circles stand out that much more. He looked like a goddamn mess, a hollowed-out version of the Suguru Geto who once had a healthy glow to his whole demeanour and a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. But he kept his gaze downcast.

“Just… Don’t go…” He managed to admit quietly, guilt lacing his tone. She blinked softly and eagerly began to walk back over to him, a hurried spring in her step as she got closer. She saw that he had picked up the pizza box, and it made her smile weakly.

R/N’s POV

“Okay…” I whispered softly to him, now coming to stand right in front of him, looking up into his tired eyes. He felt a slight pang of relief when I stood back right facing him again. His heart was beating faster and faster to the point where he almost felt sick … In more ways than just one. He exhaled shakily and gripped the pizza box even tighter. He still didn’t look at me directly, but it relieved me immensely when he finally spoke to me again.

“Could…” He hesitated slightly as he stood in his doorway with the pizza box still in hand. “Could you possibly stay with me… For a little while please?” His voice was soft and vulnerable, he sounded so scared and nervous so unlike his regular self. 

“Will you let me into your room so we can eat together for a bit?” I asked in return to his own request, blinking softly as I tilted my head off to the side just a little bit, hoping so desperately that he would let me in for the first time in a long time, hoping that he would let go of his stubbornness and let me care for him.

And just as I had hoped, Suguru nodded slowly, finally turning his gaze up to my eyes. He then, wordlessly, turned to the side and all the way around so he could walk back into his dorm room, leaving the door wide open so that I could follow in behind him. I watched as he set the pizza box down on his desk as he slumped onto the chair there. He ran a hand through his greasy, messy hair as he looked around his room. It was a complete dump and he wasn’t oblivious to the fact it didn’t look appealing, yet… He didn’t apologise for it.

As I took my first steps into his room, I could see that it was actually appalling, and that it looked as though it hadn’t been lived in for months on end. But I did not care at all, that wasn’t what was important in that moment in time, he was, and desperately. I shoved aside a large pile of the dirty clothes that had also piled up on his bed to make enough room for two butts, mine and his, so we could sit together. “Come here…” I said, gesturing for him to come off of his chair to sit on the bed with me. 

He waited for a few moments before standing up and obediently followed my gesture, coming over to sit on the bed next to me with his legs crossed and the pizza box now sitting between us. His movements over to me were sluggish as if all of his limbs were made of tungsten or lead, but his effort to come sit with me made my heart flutter and a small smile across my face. As he sat down on the mattress, he felt all of his exhaustion hit him in one sole swath. Suguru slumped against the wall and leaned forward so that he could rest his head on my shoulder, which I did not object to. I felt his exhale loudly against my skin, closing his eyes, trying to ignore the pounding headache beginning to form in between his ears. 

“I got spicy sausage with extra charred onions for the toppings on the pizza again, I know that those are your favourites….” I explained to him with a light smile, looking at him as if he is in a completely normal state, not wanting to place the focus on his current state of mind in this moment in time, that would just make him feel a whole world worse than he already did.

I could see a small smile forming at the edge of his lips, tugging at his cheeks as he looked up at me, lifting his head up slightly from my shoulder. “Yeah…? That is good to hear, you always remember my favourites…” He murmured quietly, still slightly slumped with his body against mine, feeling too miserable still to sit up straight. He opened his eyes once more and looked down at the box of pizza just sitting there and his stomach growled relentlessly, he was absolutely starving.

I smiled at his obvious want to eat, I could practically see his mouth watering from just the smell of the cheese, onions and sausage meat. I opened up the box and picked up a slice of hot pizza, lifting it up to his mouth to be able to feed him. I leaned forward and held it up still. “Open up, Sugar…” I smiled warmly at him as I looked into his eyes. 

Suguru’s cheeks immediately began to turn red for a moment, a little bit from the heat of the slice of pizza, and a tiny bit from embarrassment. He looked between the slice of pizza in my hands and my face, perhaps with a little uncertainty, and with his cheeks still feeling hot. But he complied and opened up his mouth for me, letting me give him a bite.

And good God, did it taste amazing? The cheese was still perfectly melted to give the stringy pull whilst also being incredibly creamy and soft on his tongue, the sausage meat was perfectly spicy and there was just enough to be satisfying, and the onions were perfectly cooked, not bitter but not overly sweet either. Perfect. It was everything he loved about food, everything he loved food to be. He hadn’t eaten something so warm and so comforting in days. He allowed himself to chew slowly, savouring the taste of the sausage and the onion.

I felt a very warm and content smile begin to grace my face as I see him genuinely enjoying the food that he was eating, and the fact that he was eating at all made me feel a huge sense of relief, it makes me incredibly happy. I could feel my own cheeks heating up at the sensation. “This is good…” I said to myself softly, feeding myself a slice of pizza now. “This pizza place always manages to make the best pizza… And to perfection.”

I saw Suguru nod slowly in agreement with me as he swallowed the piece of pizza he had been chewing on, the warmth of the tomato sauce and cheese soothing his sore throat. He leaned his head once again on my shoulder as he let out a gentle sigh. A subtle pang of guilt and embarrassment shot through his body, but he suppressed it immediately. For some reason, he was just craving some physical touch right now… He was touch-starved… He craved affection… My affection.  “Yeah…” He mumbled softly, his voice still tired and raspy. “It is really good…”

I smiled warmly over at him as I continued to feed him some more pizza, enjoying being able to finally look after him whilst he was feeling so down in the dumps for so long. I blinked softly and exhaled. “And that is very good to hear…” I giggled gently as I looked over to him as he continued to chew on the pizza slice. “This pizza combo is literally one of the best things I have ever put in my mouth…” I exclaimed as I ate another piece myself.

Suguru let himself be fed, much like a child being fed by their mother. He felt a little embarrassed still for some reason, yet at the exact same time, it felt incredibly nice being taken care of like that. It felt so nice and comforting having someone feed him and let him indulge for once. It felt nice being cared for as a whole. He chuckled lightly at the combination of toppings, maybe it was a slightly out of the ordinary topping combination, but the flavours mixed so well together that he couldn’t be bothered to mention the oddity. 

I put the last piece of crust of my pizza back down onto the now nearly empty box. I then brought my hand up, wiping the leftover grease onto my shorts before bringing it up to be able to comb through his hair, stroking his scalp with my fingertips affectionately. “I am glad that you are enjoying the food…” A soft sigh escaped from him as he felt my fingers beginning to drag through his hair and along his scalp, the action made him feel strangely content within himself, like a cat getting some pets off of his owner. He happily leaned into the touch, and me, his eyes becoming half closed at the sensations.

Chapter Text

“Hey…” I whispered to him softly. “Would you possibly fancy taking a bubble bath right about now?” I offered to help him with a friendly and affectionate smile, wanting to help him in the best way that I know how whilst he was feeling so awful about things and just life in general, anything to help him. Suguru opened his eyes again and lifted his head back up from where it had been resting against my shoulder. He looked at me directly in my eyes, the thought of a nice, hot bubble bath did seem incredibly appealing. The idea of laying in the warm water with the suds on his skin began to ease his mind already.

He hummed quietly to himself before nodding. “Sure…” He mumbled as he looked at me. “That… That actually sounds really nice, you know?” He responded in his still very hoarse voice. I immediately stood up off of the bed and held my hands straight out to him, right out to be able to help him stand up, being cautious of all the trash covering his floor.

“Come on then, let’s get you into the bathroom and into that bathtub, shall we? We can put as much bubble bath mixture and salts into the water as your heart desires…” I whispered to him, like a mother tempting her child with candy. He accepted my outstretched hands and allowed himself to be lifted up off of the mattress. He was slightly shaky on his feet, the exhaustion still weighing down heavily on his limbs as he swayed slightly. 

He steadied himself by holding tightly onto my hands. His cheeks flushed red a little again as he nodded at her suggestion, he really liked the sound of that… Of the bubbles and the salts… He could get all the comfort he needed all in one little bath. Slowly, he followed her into the bathroom, his socked feet padding against the floor.

Not long after entering the bathroom, we managed to get the tub filling up with water at just the right temperature and drizzled with some sweet smelling peach bubble-bath mixture and some appropriate salts to accompany it. The room was warm and steamy, filled with the smell of fresh peaches. I smiled over at him, holding my hands out once more to offer to help him get undressed. I saw him struggling with his shirt. “Here…” I walked closer to him. “Let me help…” I said to him. 

But Suguru was suddenly mesmerised by the rising water level and the bubbles, the tub filling with the hot water and scented suds, the sight was very hypnotising. As he finally snapped out of it and he heard my request to help him get undressed, he suddenly felt embarrassed all over again at the thought of needing help with something as simple as stripping off his clothes but at the same time, he was too tired to fight against me.

“O-okay..” He murmured, completely avoiding all eye contact with me. He lifted up his long arms a little bit, a silent cue for her to help him take off the long-sleeved back shirt he was wearing. After helping him get entirely undressed and bare, I gently guided him into the tub, making sure he was already relaxed and comfortable in the water before I sat up on the edge of the tub behind him. I grabbed a bottle of cleansing shampoo and lathered the liquid in my hands, scrubbing it into his hair.

I felt Suguru let out a small sigh at the sensation of the hot water surrounding his body, it enveloped his body in an all-over and warm embrace and the soapy bubbles rose all the way up his chest to his shoulders. He closed his eyes, just melting into all the comforting sensations. The feeling of my hands dragging through his scalp was near heavenly and he let out a soft hum, his muscles immediately began to relax under my touch. It all felt so nice, like all the tension that had built up in his body the last few weeks was being washed away.

I then turned to begin to rinse the soap out of his long luscious locks, each black strand of his hair slowly regained its natural, original shine. I then move to wring all of the water from his hair to be able to apply the deep conditioner to the tips. I smiled warmly as I massaged the thick lotion to his locks. “I have always loved your hair, you know, Sugar?” I said to him softly, using my fingers as a wide tooth comb. “It is so soft… Healthy… Silky.” I explained to him. The feeling of having his hair and scalp massaged with conditioner was even more euphoric to him than having it washed with shampoo. Suguru felt more and more relaxed as my slender fingers worked the conditioner deeper. I made sure my touch was gentle and soothing to him.

He hummed in content, nearly purring like a cat as I massaged his head, a small smile tugged once more at the corners of his lips as I complimented his hair. He couldn’t help but feel a small sense of pride rush through him at my praise. “ Thanks… ” He murmured softly, his eyes still closed in bliss. I could feel him beginning to get sleepy in the hot water and by my hands in his hair. I moved my hand in a wave motion to use some of my cursed energy to keep the water at a warm and steady temperature. His eyes, still closed and dark, showed signs of his lack of sleep. 

It deeply hurt me to have seen him in such an awful state for so long, so I had to do something at the very least to try and help him feel a bit better. Perhaps it was a part of my love language, acts of service, to be able to take such care of him made my heart flutter. “Fancy taking a nap in here?” I suggested to him.

Suguru was already practically half asleep at this point, the combination between all the hot water, the scented bubbles and my gentle hands working his muscles and hair had him completely relaxed inside the tub. His mind was all fuzzy and soft and he found it increasingly difficult to focus on anything outside of the blissful state that he was falling deeper into. He nodded slightly at my question, his eyelids drooping even further than they already had been. He mumbled out a soft “ yes ” in a very tired and deep voice, his body now going limp beneath the water’s surface.

“I will keep the bathroom door open slightly so that I can keep a close eye on you, but I will go out to just give you a bit more privacy…” I whispered to him as I climbed off of the edge of the tub behind him, drying my feet on the bathmat before leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to his brow. I smiled to myself as I saw him sink further into the water as he got himself all comfortable. “Sleep well, my dear Sugar…”

He hummed softly as he felt my lips on his forehead, the simple gesture soothing him right down to the core. He still felt as though he had fallen deeply into a daze, the hot water still steamy around him and my touch was making his brain go all fuzzy and soft. A small smile tugged at his lips as he caught the two little names that I had always called him. He mumbled a soft “ thank you ” in response, already feeling a sleepy sensation begin to wash over his entire body. He leaned further back in the tub, his body now completely relaxed as he closed his eyes completely.

Chapter Text

As soon as I was absolutely certain that he was fast asleep, I immediately exited the bathroom, pulling the door shut just enough that I could see him with a brief glance. I then took a long look around his bedroom, assessing the mess everywhere. I noticed all the beer cans, empty packets of chocolate and unhealthy snacks, and the cigarettes not just left in his ashtray, all over his floor. I walked over to his closet and grabbed a trash bag, beginning to clean up his room whilst he was still fast asleep. 

Suguru remained in a very deep sleep, his exhaustion and the wonderfully soothing effects of the bathtub keeping him totally knocked out. He hadn’t even noticed me getting up and out of the bathroom to go and clean up his bedroom just a little bit, wanting to help him out a little bit. He stayed so deep in his slumber, still completely unaware of what was going on in his surroundings.

The room was a complete mess. It completely reeked of tobacco smoke and spilled alcohol that had soaked in a little to the carpeted floor so I immediately walked over to the windows, pushing them all wide open to let fresh air flow around the room as well as pulling the curtains to allow sunlight to kill the bacteria in here. For a brief moment, I looked around the now well-lit room, observing the progress I had already made. I had filled up three garbage bags with the empty beer cans, and any food wrappers. I had sorted all of the dirty laundry into three separate piles: whites, darks and coloured clothing. I then had them sent to the campus launderette for them all to be cleaned.

I had seen Suguru suffer for so long, especially after the death of Riko Amanai a few months ago, he had kept it under wraps for so long that Gojo, Shoko, nor I were able to catch on until the last week or so. I didn’t realise how bad he had gotten, how badly he had been neglecting himself. And now I just wanted to help him relieve a little bit of the burden that he is carrying on his back.

I took a small moment to peek around the bathroom door where Suguru was continuing to sleep, soundly and completely unaware still of the deep cleaning of his bedroom that was happening right outside of the ajar door. The sound of the window being opened didn’t even register to him, nor did the sound of the bags being filled or the laundry being separated and sent away for washing. All that was on his mind was the blissful darkness of sleep, a small sigh escaping from between his parted lips every few minutes.

In the midst of tidying, I found a small sealed container beneath his bed frame and my curiosity got the better of me so I pulled it out from its hiding place. Really, I shouldn’t have been looking through his belongings but there was a certain feeling about the box that I could just not ignore. On the top of the lid was a small labelled sticky note which read: Memories . I lifted the lid up off of the rim and what I found inside made me smile a lot. It was filled to the brim with little trinkets and old knick-knacks. There were a few Polaroid photographs of our friend group at Jujutsu High, some old friendship bracelets from his time in grade school that he had made with Gojo when they were both 12 years old and a few other possessions that were smaller, like old candy wrappers from discontinued brands, ticket stubs from some of the movies he had watched and a faded doodle he had drawn during one of Yaga’s long, boring lectures a few years ago.

Tucked underneath a lot of the things however, was an old crumpled and folded up note, it seemed hand-written. I tilted my head to one side as I pulled it out of where it had been wedged, the small blue ribbon around it was tied into a small bow, keeping it sealed from the world. I smiled warmly, it was so cute and so Suguru… I really should’ve put it back and not snooped this much, but it was far too tempting to not look and what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him… Right ?

I slowly untied the ribbon and began to read it.

The note was definitely handwritten, in his very elegant print. At the top of the note there was the date... April 17th 2005. Over an entire year before the entire incident with Riko and the sorcerer killer. 

The first paragraph of the letter seemed to be just normal rambling that someone may write inside a daily journal: talking about classes, upcoming exams and the fact that he wanted to go on with Shoko, Gojo and I.

And when I got to the second paragraph, that was when the whole tone of the note began to change. “ There is something that I desperately need to get off of my chest, so I think it is best if I write it down here where I don’t have to worry about the consequences… I have a huge secret to tell and I have been thinking about it for an absurdly long length of time, yet I am so terrified of how you will react to it… ” 

Oh, so it was a note that was written directly to someone and not just the rambling of a person’s diary. I smiled softly as I read his soft and elegant handwriting, this was definitely my Suguru’s handwriting, but who on earth could the letter have been addressed to?

It then continued on: “ You.. Just you… You are like the most important person I can think of in my life, you know? My brain is always occupied by you, not a second goes by when you aren’t there. I cannot escape you, you are always there and it is driving me completely insane…

I cannot stop thinking of you, I can’t stop wanting to just exist around you and feel your presence all around me, to hear your wonderful laugh, to hear you speak… It is like a drug, and I am most definitely addicted to it… ”

The next several sentences of the letter detailed a mixture of anxiety about the way he felt, self-confidence issues and fear before it continued onto its main point. I kept reading along, wondering who he could have been writing this letter to, because it seemed an awful lot like a love letter, a confession on paper.

The next part of the letter read: “ Sometimes I can truly believe that I am going crazy, since I know we are only best friends… but I often catch myself wishing sometimes that we were so much more than just that… ” He followed on by talking about how his feelings were messing with his thoughts and how he wanted desperately to act on these feelings and desires but also how he was keen on protecting his friendship above all else. “ I know that now, I am so in love with you… It scares me more than anything has ever scared me before but never has anything made me also feel so great, like I have been given a purpose above protecting the non-sorcerers…”

Reading more of his words made my heart go pitter-patter in my chest as his confession of his affections went on, it was so heartfelt and warming to read. He seemed so in love in this, so desperately in love like he was a child all over again. I continued reading, wanting to know who he had been hiding his feelings from. The letter continued on with his honest confession, his honesty and vulnerability practically seeped from the paper with each word. He wrote about his yearning to hug the mystery person, to kiss them on the cheek and hold their hand as they walk around the city together, to be intimate with them… Both physically and emotionally.

He had admitted to feeling confused and conflicted between his desire to keep his friendship intact but also wanting a romantic and intimate relationship with this particular individual.

And then, there it was… The name.

Chapter Text

I turned my eyes down to the very bottom of the page where the handwriting was beginning to get less coordinated and messier the more he poured all of his heart into the words on the paper, there were even a handful of tear stains across the sheet. Now, I searched for the bit that I had been looking for, the name at the bottom of the page. It was written right near the very end, the handwriting even messier and more desperate, he had even spelled the name wrong the first time before crossing it out and trying again…

And there it was…

The name of who this whole letter had been addressed to…

R/N…

I felt my heart stutter and stumble inside of my chest. Me? He was in love with me ? I looked over at the ajar bathroom door, seeing that he was still fast asleep in the tub, his eyes closed as he breathed in and then out softly. In a bit of a panic, I immediately re-wrapped the letter before putting it right back into the box, exactly where I had found it minutes before. I finished tidying up behind myself and made the room look nice again.

I walked over to his closet and found some fresh clothes, a nice white t-shirt and a pair of black linen shorts, before walking over to the bathroom to go wake him up from his nice, long nap. Suguru was still deeply in slumber in the bathtub, his breathing was slow and even as he rested in the warm, soapy water, the temperature only having decreased a little bit due to my cursed energy inside of it, but it was still warm enough to be pleasant. He was looking far more relaxed despite the slightly thinned look to his cheeks and the fading dark circles beneath his lids. 

It must have been the door creaking as I pushed it further open that slowly roused him from his sleep as when I stepped into the bathroom, I saw his dark lashes flutter slightly before his eyes opened, signalling that he was slowly stirring awake. “Hey…” I whispered to him softly as I stooped down to his level, placing the fresh clothes onto the bathroom counter. I smiled down at him and sat on my knees as I watched him slowly come around from his sleep. “I trust you slept reasonably well there, you were out for a little while, my dear…” 

Suguru’s eyes opened fully as he heard my soft voice echoing through the bathroom and a small sigh escaped his parted lips. He felt both dazed and disorientated, like his brain was still very much trying to wake up. He looked up at me with his eyes going back to being half-lidded, a tired smile across the lower portion of his face. “It was… good. I feel so much better and refreshed…” He murmured, his voice sounded a lot healthier than before, the steam must have done him some more good. He sat up in the bathtub with a soft grunt, water and bubbles slowly dripping down his lean torso.

I smiled down at him warmly, my gaze over his stature as I reached into the counter for a nice and fluffy towel for him. “That is really good to hear… I did use a bit of my cursed energy to keep the water a little bit warmer for longer, you looked like you were really enjoying that bath.” I said softly as I slowly and carefully wrung out some of the moisture from his hair. “Are you ready to get out just yet?” He smiled back at her, looking down a little bit at my thoughtfulness, the fact that I had used some of my cursed energy to make the water warmer just for him, just so his nap would be that much more pleasant.

He nodded softly in response to my question, feeling a little more awake now than he did before. “Yeah, I think I am ready to get out now…” He said softly as a small and exhausted yawn escaped his mouth as he stood up inside the bathtub.

I turned my body away from him as he stood to respect his privacy and dignity as I handed him the fresh, fluffy towel to let him dry himself off and get himself dressed again. I smiled warmly to myself and giggled just a but. “I hope this is the towel that you like, I only just picked a random one from out of your drawers…”

Suguru accepted the towel from my hand and began to soak up the leftover water still clinging to his skin, his movements were a little bit slow and sluggish as he still was a little tired. Once he was dry all over apart from his hair, he wrapped the towel around his waist and looked over at me, another small yet exhausted smile on his face. “It is perfectly fine, it is soft…” He hummed, running his fingers over the soft cotton fabric. His movements then paused for a brief moment before he spoke up again, his tone quiet. “Thank you… You know… For taking care of me…”

I turned around to look over at him again, knowing that he was now decent enough for me to see him. I smiled warmly as he gave me his genuine gratitude for taking such good care of him in his current state. “Of course… I am happy to do that any time for you, Ru…” I said, switching the nickname so something slightly more affectionate. “Anything for you…” I assured him. My heart thumped in my chest after remembering what he had written in that letter, knowing that he was in love with me. It made the whole situation seem more intimate and domestic, just how I liked it, best case scenario.

I realised I had been staring into space for a brief moment before I turned back to the counter. “I brought some fresh clothes through for you too…” I say, handing the linen shorts and t-shirt to him. He took them, his deft fingers momentarily brushed against my own, for just a second. My touch was like a warm comfort, a warm balm on his tired and weary soul. He pulled the towel from around his waist and exposed his lower body as he then slipped on the clothes I had brought for him. The shirt was soft and comfortable, hugging his body in just the right way. Once he was dressed again, he looked back over at me, still feeling a little tired and groggy from his nap. 

I stood in front of the bathroom door, between his body and the wooden panel with a small smile crossing my face, ready to see his reaction to what I had done for him in his room. “Are you ready to go back through and would you fancy watching a movie with me perhaps?” I ask him, to which he nodded tiredly, his energy still not quite back up to standard. That nap had been more than welcome, but he still felt the exhaustion weighing down on his bones.

He slowly walked out of the bathroom with me short on his tail, his bare feet padding against the floor when he suddenly stopped in his tracks when he saw his thoroughly cleaned-out and sorted bedroom. His eyes widened a little bit in surprise as he took in the now tidy space, no trash in sight, refreshed and feeling like home again.

“You…” He said, essentially rendered speechless. “You cleaned my room?”

I nodded softly, watching his face the entire time as he looked around his room. It is nearly spotless, give or take a small handful of sentimental ornaments that I knew were placed purposefully. I watched as he took in the fact that his trash was all gone, that his laundry was all sorted out and that his room smelled clean.

He couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing right now. His room was practically sparkling, not a single beer can or candy wrapper was in sight where they would’ve been on the floor once upon a time. His laundry was all washed and neatly folded in the appropriate places, his bedroom window was wide open, allowing fresh air to circulate and now the only thing he could smell was the faint scent of washing machine detergent and my sweet vanilla perfume. He was completely taken aback as he looked down at me, almost teary-eyed as he gazed at me in surprise. “You did all of this? By yourself…? Why…?”

I nodded softly once more and walked over to sit on the edge of his bed, smiling up at him as I noticed his eyes practically light up and a weight seemed to almost lift itself off of his shoulders. “I did do it by myself… Because I wanted to do it… For you, Ru…” His heart nearly melted, hearing those words, I had cleaned his entire room for him, just because I wanted to. He walked over to the bed as well and sat down next to me, close to my side. The mattress dipped beneath his weight as he sat down, making me lean towards him. 

“But why…? Why would you do all of this for me..?” He said, gesturing to his room, his voice nearly a whisper as he looked at me in disbelief.

I looked up into his purple eyes and sighed softly, knowing that we were going to end up having this conversation one way or another, sooner or later. I blinked and smiled at him. “Because I hate seeing my best friend suffer alone in silence, drowning in your own sorrow without someone to help keep you afloat…” I said, running my fingertips through his damp hair.

Suguru felt my fingers combing through his long, waterlogged locks, the simple action sending a wave of comfort washing over him. I felt him as he leaned into my touch, unable to help himself. My words were true, he had been secretly and quietly drowning in his own sadness and his self-destructive habits, he had been silently suffering, unable to cope with all the pain he felt. And here I was, simply holding out a hand to keep him above the water’s surface.

I smiled over at him and blinked softly, my fingertips still tangling with his hair. I sighed softly and leaned myself against him as well. “I just wanted to do it because you clearly needed someone, even just to lean on, to look after you when you need to feel weak…” I continued softly. He felt me leaning against his body, my body against his own and he felt his heart beating faster in his chest. I was right, he had been feeling so weak lately, so damn vulnerable. And he was desperately needing someone to lean on, someone to support him through the storm. I felt him nod against me, his body relaxing a bit as he relished in the warmth of my touch, my presence. 

I pressed my forehead against his as we both closed our eyes, revelling in the moment together. I removed my hand from his and laced our fingers together. “You know you will always have me by your side… Right?” I felt his grip on my hand instinctively tighten, as if he was scared to let me go. He nodded softly in response, keeping his eyes closed. He couldn’t find the right words to speak, so instead, he moved closer to me and pressed his body to mine in a tight hug. I felt him as he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around my torso into a tight hug.

The whole sensation made me melt slightly, I wrapped my own arms around his neck and leaned my head against his. “Hey…. I won’t go anywhere…” I whispered to him as I felt my shirt get slightly damp from the tears that must’ve been falling from his eyes at this moment in time. At that, he only wrapped his arms tighter around me, his embrace almost desperate as he clung to me, wanting to be as close to me as possible. He buried his face into the crook of my neck as he quietly sobbed, breathing in deeply, taking in my familiar scent.

His heart was thundering in his chest as I whispered to him softly, my words echoing between his ears. My words were like a comforting blanket, but at the same time, a very small part of him was still riddled with doubt and fear…

Chapter Text

I pulled back, away from his body, ever so slightly so that I was able to look at him, directly in the eyes. I remembered suddenly what I had read in the note he had written to me, the love letter that was stowed away beneath his bed-frame. I smiled warmly and ran my fingers through his damp hair again. “Hey… When I was cleaning your room for you earlier, I found a small little box under your bed…” I explained to him softly, noticing that his eyes widened slightly. “I didn’t go through it because I know that would’ve been intrusive and a little rude, but what is there?” I said, with that little white lie tangled into my words.

I felt Suguru’s muscles stiffen beneath my hands as I spoke about the box, as if he had completely forgotten what was in there and that it was there entirely, especially the letter, in which he had poured every ounce of his heart into. He swallowed hard as he tried to mask the internal struggle he clearly felt, trying to keep his expression calm. He cursed at himself in his mind, his heart rate speeding up beneath my finger tips as he realised I had found where he stored all of those key moments in his life. “It is just memories in there… That’s all..” He said with forced casualness, attempting to give off a nonchalant appearance.

I smiled into his eyes warmly and blinked, reaching beneath the bed and grabbing the plastic box. “Do you reckon that maybe we could look through it? I would love to see what sort of memories that you hold close to your heart, but I will completely understand if you would rather not do that.” I gave him the option of not going through his things.

He felt his own heart rate spike as he saw me grab the box, placing it between us. He wanted to snatch it right out of my hands and hide it where it would never see the light of day again, to keep his secret away from me and bury his feelings deep down again. But I was looking at him with such a genuine and innocent expression, so how could he say no to me? Yet, he hesitated for a brief moment, his heart racing. “Yeah, go on then… We can look through it.” He mumbled quietly.

I smiled at him, placing my hand on his shoulder to try and reassure him that everything was okay. “I promise you, I will not judge you for anything that is in here, Sugar.. Even if they are little small silly things.” I said softly, blinking slowly as I tried to comfort him. “You do not have to be embarrassed by any of it, okay?”

And thankfully, I felt him begin to relax beneath me, my words alone helping him understand that this was not a bad thing. He knew… He knew that there was no way that I would judge him for any of it. That was the one thing that was certain between us and one thing he was completely sure of. But still, he felt absolutely terrified, terrified that my perception of him may change when I looked through the box, particularly the sheet of paper in the blue ribbon.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “Alright… I trust you…” He murmured.

It made me happy that he trusted me enough with his memories, the things that made him feel all sentimental. I pried open the lid and began to look at all the things I had seen before, newspaper clippings from important events, train and cinema ticket stubs and all of the little souvenirs that he had collected over the last few years. I then look at the collection of Polaroids he had taken and saved, some of all our friend group, Gojo frequently being the more chaotic of the four of us with Shoko often clipping him around the back of the head, and some of just us two when we had our little friendship outings. “These are very cute… I love all of these memories…”

I felt his silent eyes watching over me as I looked through the contents of the box, his heart clenching in his chest with each item I pulled out and observed. And when I looked at the photographs, I showed each one to him, and he smiled at each one, the times we had all laughed together. And then his heart squeezed painfully in his chest as he watched me smile, his mind racing as he thought about the letter at the bottom of the box, where my hands were now reaching.

I looked up into his eyes and smiled as I replaced the Polaroids back where they had come from in the box before picking up the letter, already knowing what was inside. “What is this thing, Sugar?” And then I saw his face drop slightly into his stomach as he saw me pick up the damn letter.

He felt as though he was going to faint. He swallowed hard. His throat was dry. His palms were sweaty. He forced himself to maintain his composure however, though his eyes gave away the mixture of fear and hope that was brewing inside of him. He took a deep breath and spoke, trying to keep his voice calm and neutral. “It is just a letter, it is nothing really…”

I tilted my head to the side, knowing exactly what he is hiding and why he is hiding it from me. “You don’t have to show me, Sugar… I won’t push you.” I mumble to him, assuring him of that fact with a gentle smile. 

He felt a wave of relief washing over him. He was so unbelievably grateful for me, about the way I was so caring and understanding towards him, the way I knew exactly what to say but also the way I respected his boundaries. But he wanted to tell me, so desperately, so much so that it overrode his fears of losing me, knowing that I would not leave him even if I didn’t feel the same way about him. “No… No, you can read it if you really want to..”

I exhaled softly in relief that he didn’t panic or bolt at my curiosity, I handed the letter over to him and untied the bright blue ribbon from around the piece of folded paper. “Actually… Could you read it for me, Ru?”

He felt his heart flutter at my request. He took the letter as I handed it to him, his fingers brushing briefly against mine, just for a fraction of a second. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the feelings that would come with having to read this thing out loud to me. He unfolded the note and cleared his throat, taking a few moments to reread the words and collect himself. He looked up at me, meeting my gaze for a moment before beginning to read.

I noticed that his hands were getting shakier as he got closer to the part with the actual confession so with my own, I reached up and took them into mine, holding him steady both mentally and physically. I smiled softly as he then continued to speak again.

He felt my slender finger wrap around his palms, steadying them as they shook out of nerves. It was such a small and simple gesture but it made all the difference. He felt my presence there, my support and it soothed his nerves. As he continued to read, he could feel his heart beating even faster. His voice too was shaky as he neared the very end of the letter, each word bringing him closer and closer to the moment of truth, where he would be completely vulnerable about his feelings with me.

I watched his eyes well up slightly with tears as he read, I still held onto his hands with one of my own as the other went up to his cheeks to wipe the salty droplets of water away. He felt his composure begin to slip. As he read through the final paragraphs of the letter, his voice was shaky, he felt his eyes beginning to water even more despite my care to help soothe him. And then he got to the final few lines, the ones that held the most emotional weight, the most sincerity. He inhaled deeply, bracing himself for my, and his own reaction.

As I watched him prepare himself, knowing what comes next I decided to reassure him once more. “It is okay, Suguru… You have got this…”

He felt my reassurance, my soft voice telling him that it is okay. My smile was encouraging and understanding, and my words were like a soothing balm. He took another deep breath, steeling himself. He could do this. He had to do this.

He looked back down at the letter in his hands, his heart racing within him. He read those last lines in his head, the ones that had been bottled inside of him for so damn long…

“R/N…” He began, his voice but still so determined.

“I am in love with you…”

Chapter Text

I smiled warmly over at him, trying my hardest not to react too dramatically to the words that he was speaking so as to not spook him but I could feel my heart rate picking up rapidly inside of my chest as I looked deep into his eyes. I sighed softly outwards as he folds the letter back up and ties the ribbon around it once more. Suguru was carefully watching my face, trying to gauge my reaction to his confession of his affections. My smile and my calm expression gave away that I was surprised or, thankfully, repulsed by the fact that he was in love with me… And to him, that was a good sign…

He felt his own heart racing as he carefully replaced the little sheet of paper back into the box of memories and shut the lid on it, all of the other memories and keepsakes back inside there too. His hands were slightly sweaty and clammy, his throat felt desperately dry, he felt so damn nervous, just waiting for me to say something.

I moved the box to the side once he had finished putting the letter away before leaning closer and looking into his eyes. I carefully and cautiously placed my hands upon his cheeks with a soft, reassuring smile on my face. He was hyper-aware of everything, my touch, my soft hands on his face, yet he couldn’t help but lean into it. He could feel a mixture of emotions within him swirling all around inside of him… Nervousness, anxiety and hope… Definitely hope…

I wanted to do something, something to show him that I felt the same way he did, but knowing how he was feeling and what state he was in mentally, I didn’t know how he would’ve reacted. But I knew that right now, he was already super sensitive and emotionally damaged but I wanted to help him heal. “Would you mind if I tried something?” I asked him softly, wanting to check in with him first.

He felt a shiver run down his spine as I asked him that particular question, the question had caught him completely off guard and he had no idea whatsoever about what I was intending to do… But he simply nodded along anyway, giving me expressed permission to do what I wanted to. He trusted me completely, and he was just desperate for any sort of affection and comfort right now. He had been feeling so damn insecure and vulnerable lately and just now after telling me how he really felt, he was practically clinging to me for support at this point, he just needed me .

I shuffled a tiny bit closer to him so that I was practically sitting on his lap, straddling his hips but keeping a respectful distance. “Can you close your eyes for me, Suguru?” I asked him quietly. He felt his heart thundering in his chest as I sat atop of him, the feeling shivering down his spine. My request for him to shut his eyes only served to make him feel even more vulnerable and like putty in my hands, even more exposed than before. Yet he did as I asked him to, closing his eyes as his heart thundered inside him.

“Okay…” He finally managed to respond, trusting me completely.

I looked over his face, smiling warmly as I stroked his cheekbones with my fingertips. I exhaled softly and blinked. “Okay…” I repeated his words before leaning in a little bit more, letting my breath brush over his lips before I closed the gap between us. I pressed my lips against his softly, closing my eyes and relaxing against him. It was a very short kiss, yet filled with meaning. It addressed all of my feelings towards the letter he had written for me, that I felt the same way about him as he felt for me too.

The feeling of my lips on his felt like a small electric shock that sent a massive jolt through his entire body, but in the best way possible. He had never felt anything like this before in his life. The kiss itself was soft and short, but it was filled with so many emotions… Love, affection, desire and all of the other feelings that had been pent up inside of him for so damn long. He felt those emotions swelling up inside his chest - surprise, joy… Hope.

I pulled back after a couple more moments of time passed us by, opening my eyes to try and see his face, watching for the reaction to me kissing him for the first time. I saw him sitting there in surprise as I waited patiently for him to process what had just happened. He felt the intense rush of emotions all over again as I pulled away, his eyes slowly fluttering open as he began to try and process what had just happened. He couldn’t help but stare at me for a brief moment, his heart thumping and his mind racing to try and catch up with his feelings. He felt like he was inside of a dream, the kiss, my presence, the feeling of having his affections reciprocated, the one he has been fantasising for so long.

“Did… Did you just kiss me?” He said, finally managing to speak again, his voice soft and awed.

I nodded softly as I then leaned forward to press my forehead to his as I let a gentle smile cross my cheeks, my brain racing equally as fast as his own as I too tried to process the fact that I had just kissed him. I closed my eyes and exhaled. "Yeah... That is exactly what I just did..."

"Was it okay?" I queried.

He felt my forehead touch his, my smile so gentle and warm... He felt his heart racing in his chest as the realisation fully sank in, the fact that the girl he had loved, obsessed, and pined over for so damn long had just... kissed him.

My question made him feel almost light-headed. Was it okay? That was an understatement, he felt like he had ascended to a whole different plane of existence. He was so damn in love with this girl it was almost dizzying.

He managed to respond, his voice soft and breathless: "...Yeah..."

And then, he could not prevent the smile that crossed his face, like a child being given the best gift in the world. I took his hands in my own and squeezed them tightly. "I love you too, Suguru... I always have, and I hope that you know that I always will..." I said as my cheeks became slightly tinged with pink.

His heart felt like it was going to explode as her words sank in, the realisation that the girl he loved, his best friend, felt the exact same way about him... it was so surreal, so overwhelming. His cheeks turned a bit pink, mirroring my own, and he couldn't help but squeeze my hands back tightly.

He felt like he was on the verge of tears once again, the emotions all flooding back into him all at once... but this time, they were good... positive...

He looked into my eyes, his voice soft and sincere:

"...I love you, R/N..."

Finished….