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Trump flicked the pen in his hand, staring at the table empty of laws he could (doesn't mean he should) sign.
"Is there anything else you would like?" Vance put his hand on his hip.
"I just need a way to get rid of my ex.. my most tragic of them all, the most incredible ex... I need to get rid of him from my mind.."
"Coming right up!" Vance flipped his buzz cut as he sashayed out of the room.
Trump sighed. Memories of his darling dearest felony and cheese sandwich welled within the confines of his subconcious, threatening to destroy what he has now. His status is a grain of sand to the tidal wave of nostalgia and yearning, and he knows it. The clickity clack of Vance's heels yank him from his thoughts.
"Alpha darling, I found a way to get rid of your ex~!" Vance strutted to the president's desk, holding a paper in his hands. He slammed it onto the table before Trump with utmost confidence and satisfaction. "Sign here," he pointed to the dotted line. "and you will sent exactly two pipe bombs to his exact coordinates. If that doesn't get the job done, we will be sending ninety five cybertrucks his way accompanied by lasers to make sure he gets vaporized!"
A devious smirk tugged at the corner of the president's lips as he picked up the pen. "Don't have to tell me twice, my little omega."
"Yeah, show Elon Musty who's boss!"
But right as the pen loomed over the dotted line, right as he was about to sign Elon Musk into total oblivion, he trembled. Deja vu overwhelmed his senses, shaking him to his very core.
"Is something wrong, my alpha?" Vance spoke softly, rubbing small circles along the president's back.
It was just like the good ol days with Musk... Trumpa loompa doopity doo remembered when they'd sign their opps into oblivion... together.
"All you have to do is just--"
"I--" Trump's breath hitched. He sniffled, and continued. "I cannot stand to see him go, but I cannot stand to be near him. He was an ally, the biggest, the bigliest ally I could ever ask for," a single tear rolls down Trump's cheek, leaving rivulets of white in the vastness of his otherwise unnaturally orange complexion. His icy blue orbs glanced at his vancy wancy, sucking the life out of the vice president instantly.
"But still, I remember when I met him in high school, it was in high school when I saw him in the library, reading his books, the greatest books full of the greatest literature amongst intellectuals... That was where we met. In that library, the most patriotic library I have ever seen. He looked up at me, swirls of dark chocolate taking my breath away," Trump recalled with shaky gasps. "That man came up to me, and he said, 'Donald Trump, you're going to be the president, and we're going to make this the bigliest nation in the country.' And that was where it all began."
He let his head fall into his hands. "Oh, we were the bigliest high school sweethearts... but not anymore..."
What Trump didn't let on was how much of Musk he saw in his omega... just from looking into his sunken eyes gave the orange man a glimpse into his past... it was like looking at Satan's search history through a funhouse mirror. Everything about him was so similar to his ex it was maddening.
Trump didn't want to let him go, and Vance thought Trump had already moved on. He knows better now.
"Why?" the vice president sighed, with the slightest quiver in his voice.
"Because he--"
"If everything reminds you so much of Musty, then go back to him!" Vance cried. "Tell him you can't live without him! Tell him what you've told me, don't just use me to get over him like you've done with Biden!"
"But my worcestershire sauce omega kitten whiskers..." trump sobbed. "I love you too! Don't you get it? We can be the bigliest--"
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!"
"But I would NEVER use you, you know that!!"
"Then KILL him NOWOWOWWWWWW!!!11!!!"
The silence that followed answered everything Vance needed to hear, swallowing any chances of a redemption between him and Trump.
"...you know I can't do that..." Trump whimpered. "My little sauerkraut, my most delicious sauerkraut, you are the most--"
Vance held his hand up, signaling for Trump to shut his wrinkly cheezit looking ass up. "That's all I needed to know, trumpets... I thought.. I could trust you... but you've used me," he sobbed, running to the door.
"You may have signed it into law that we are all canonically female, according to the one law you signed where it says your gender is what you are at conception..." there was venom in Vance's voice, a sharp edge to his stare that sent chills down Trump's spine. "..but you will never be the first female president."
Vance turned to look at the audience (it's you btw). "and yes, I was being deadass. There is a whole song on YouTube about it. The author of this fanfic is just too lazy to look for it right now," he slammed the door, leaving his lost love alone in the White House.
"heh... I guess I deserve it don't I.. heh...the bigliest heh..." Trump's hair swayed in the air coming from the ventilation system, as he was still in the building. "bigly."
Say something, I'm giving up on you...