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Why did everything suddenly go blurry? My head is so heavy. And, and it feels like standing up on clouds, so unsteady. It is strange, where am I? I am… I am in…
A wave of dizziness crashed into Mikura’s body. She looked around and found everything blur. A second later, she felt extremely unbalanced. The only question she had was “where am I now?”
Smack.
The sting of slap across her cheek snapped her back to reality.
“This is how you serve your mistress?” Juraku Sachiko bore into Mikura, sharp as judgment from hell. Mikura realized at once what had happened. She had been pouring tea—only to spill it, and the scalding water had soaked through Sachiko’s white trousers.
“I am very sorry, Juraku-sama!”
Mikura kneeled down immediately in a complete tizzy. She groveled at Sachiko’s feet in a panic, apologizing incoherently.
“I am really sorry…” As she was trying to soothe the anger of Sachiko, another wave of faintness overtook. Mikura clenched her fist. Her body froze against the carpet. All the words she meant to say vanished into the void.
Sachiko seized Mikura’s jaw, forcing the redhead to look her in the eyes.
Her skin was hot.
Sachiko could feel the strange warmth radiating from her pet’s body.
“Are you sick?” Sachiko asked, her tone laced with suspicion. The fire in her eyes had not dimmed. Mikura gave no reply—only a faint, shaky sob. Sachiko released the redhead and walked toward their living room. “Go change your clothes. We’re going out.” Her voice was sharp, commanding.
As Sachiko stepped outside the door, she cast a glance over Mikura. She saw her pet struggling to stand up, unsteady on her feet, and trailing after her in silence.
Is it such serious?
Sachiko wondered. But at the time, she did not truly care. What she failed to realize was that the situation was already far beyond her control.
They drove to a private hospital. The black gate opened slowly. There was a white ward in front of the gate. The color black and white had outlined the solemnity in the air.
They entered the building. Stepping into the doorway, the smell of disinfectant sneaked into Sachiko’s nose, which made her frown unpleasantly. She saw Mikura following her closely with her peripheral vision. Despite the pale face of the redhead, Sachiko still felt so proud of having such a tamed pet, or in other words, a tamed lover.
Having done some routine examinations, Sachiko took the lab results and led Mikura into the consultation room. During the examinations, Mikura’s physical condition had worsened—she was exhausted merely because of walking. Sachiko looked at the girl sitting near her side, whose clear blue eyes were filled with tears. She knew what the redhead had been desiring. Sachiko nodded to permit the request in silence. Mikura, who had gotten the permission, leaned her head upon her mistress’s shoulder. Even as a couple of lovers, this kind of actions was not usual. Mikura felt her physical pains greatly relieved merely because of that.
Excepting the noises of tapping on the keyboard and flipping the lab result sheets, the consultation room was seeped into a kind of unsettling silence. Sachiko looked down at the girl leaning on her, whose bright, fire-like hair only accentuated how pale her face was. She could see that the red head was suffering from physical pains through her tightly closed eyes. Sachiko felt an obscure feeling rising from heart. Was that the hatred of disease? Was that the dislike of the hospital environment? Or was that… a sense of worry? She tucked a strand of hair behind Mikura’s ear. It was the slight softness that Sachiko only had.
After a long time, the doctor finally raised his head from the lab results and sighed with relief as if he could eventually confirm the disease. However, he instantly frowned and turned to Sachiko and Mikura, “It is the Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. And the patient’s condition has progressed to the accelerated phase. We need more examinations to confirm it.” The emotionless words spoken by the doctor were like a crack of thunder shook in the room.
“So,” after a short silence, Sachiko asked, “How to cure the Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia?” She ignored the girl’s quivering.
“Well, that’s a bit complicated. We need you to complete the hospital admission process because it needs more detailed examinations. After that we will start medication and see if the stem cell transplantation is needed.” Said the doctor while he was sorting out the reports. “Here our nurse will lead you to a bone marrow aspiration in order to help doctors to diagnose more precisely.”
“I see.” said Sachiko, who took the sheet and stood up without any expression on her face. “Stand up.” She ordered Mikura.
Mikura stood up obediently and followed her mistress out of the room. Her body was obviously quivering. The doctor saw that and wanted to say something but immediately went back to silence for Sachiko’s oppression.
On their way to the sterile room, though Sachiko felt an obscure anger burning in her heart, she still managed to repress it. Having listened to the tedious instructions of paramedics, Sachiko signed the informed consent form for Mikura, who could barely struggle to maintain standing. And she watched her being led into the room. The white door closed slowly and cruelly cut the line of sight of Sachiko.
Sachiko always hated others touching her stuff, no matter what the “others” could be—any person or anything. She stood outside of the room, looking around the drab gray hallway. And today, incredibly, a kind of disease broke into her life, and ruined her little puppy recklessly. It even was trying to take her out of her side.
Taking out what belonged to Juraku Sachiko.
Are you kidding me? How dare you? Even I was led by the nose…
She felt more and more angry and ridiculous while thinking it deeper and deeper. Her fingers digging into her palms, the knuckles turning pale from the force.
Then, let’s gamble.
She stared at the end of the colorless hallway, inviting the fate to decide this bet.
In the room, Mikura lay face down on the bed. Even though she had been down the local anesthesia, she still could feel the pain as the needle sticking through bones. However, compared to this kind of pain, what Mikura feared more was the future. “Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia” was a term that was neither familiar nor strange for Mikura. One of her cousins died for it when she was in junior high school. The funeral was held on a rainy day. It was then that Mikura first encountered the death. She was completely aware that her life was only left for barely anything. She knew that her rest time could end up in a few weeks at least, or a few years at most, struggling in the pain if she was lucky enough. All considered, the vow “I would devote anything I have to you!” had become nonsense. Except for this weak and useless body, what did she have now? Except for the monotonous hospital trivial, what could she devote to her mistress?
The pet who caused trouble to the owner should be punished.
Mikura closed her eyes tightly, considering the punishment she deserved. She was afraid that the punishment would only be abandonment. Abandonment…
Please, please do not leave me alone. This is my only wish. Juraku-sama.
She cried in her mind, begging hard. But for now, how could Mikura possibly say it out loud?
Mikura saw Sachiko was still waiting for her at the doorway. She was not able to stop tears from falling down her face. Mikura walked fast toward Sachiko but stopped hesitantly before her mistress. She was not allowed to hug her mistress freely. Sachiko wiped away Mikura’s tears gently. She always liked to watch Mikura crying, but this time, her pain was not caused by Sachiko, which was absolutely unpermitted. The disgust towards the disease surged up within her again.
You are mine. You can only belong to me. Your emotions, feelings, breath, heartbeat, all of yours can only be dominated by me. In the whole world, I am the only person who can impose pain on you and bestow happiness to you.
“The hospital admission procedures have already been done. Take the treatment as a good girl,” Sachiko whispered by the redhead’s ear. “I know what you are going to say. But for now, I command you to take the treatment obediently, to stay alive, and to be healthy again. You will follow my command, won’t you?”
“Yes…” Mikura’s answer could hardly be heard.
“Of course, after this you’ll have to pay for what you have done,” Sachiko added. “But that shall be a later story. Now, you are still mine, don’t expect to run away or try any disobedience.”
Mikura nodded submissively. She had never defied Sachiko’s commandments, had not even come up with this sort of thought. Mikura could swallow a thousand steel needles if her mistress ordered. Even now she was standing in front of the death at the end of her life, Mikura still would try to confront it for Sachiko’s sake. Regardless of what their end would be, at least for now, Sachiko had not abandoned Mikura. She could keep going, supported only by this belief. That was Mikura.
Next week, Sachiko commuted between her company and the hospital. She came home a few times, but the house without Mikura was so strange for her. Sachiko somehow felt surprised by the change in herself. She had to admit that she had already been used to the life accompanied by Mikura. In the world, which was filled with power struggles and infighting, the loyalty of Mikura seemed so invaluable. Mikura, the girl who devoted all she had to Sachiko, whose hair was the brightest color in the world, and whose eyes were reflecting the azure sky, was so obsessive and captivating. Sachiko had realized that now.
Sachiko mocked herself with a bitter smile. And she honked the horn to urge the front car to move. Sachiko did not remember how many times she drove on this road. However, this time was a little different—the doctor informed her that Mikura’s physical condition had deteriorated.
“The treatment over the past week has not been successful in preventing the disease from progressing into blast crisis. The leukemia has transformed into acute lymphoblastic leukemia — a relatively rare occurrence in adults, with a five-year survival rate of only 20%. At present, the patient is undergoing pharmacological treatment. Chemotherapy and hematopoietic stem cell transplantation will be considered depending on the patient’s condition. Compared to primary leukemia, chronic myelogenous leukemia in the blast phase is significantly more difficult to cure and often results in rapid deterioration and death. However, please be assured that our medical team will make every possible effort to save the patient's life.”
Sachiko recalled what the old attending doctor said to her. It is doubtless that the death had already put its silver sickle on Mikura’s neck. She hesitated for a second before holding the doorknob.
It’s too fast…
At a moment, Sachiko felt the fear swept through her body. But it was just all of a sudden. She turned the doorknob gently and pushed the door, then stepped into the room quietly.
Mikura was sitting on the bed, looking out of the window. She heard the sound and turned her head to the doorway. Her lifeless eyes immediately turned into sparkling when she saw Sachiko coming into the room.
“Juraku-sama.” She called out to her mistress.
The weakness caused by disease did not cover the ardent in her tone. Just these five simple syllables touched Sachiko’s heart easily. She walked to the bed and sat down on the verge, gazing at the girl carefully, her scarlet eyes filled with deep emotions. Mikura was thinner, her face was so pale that it looked like a piece of paper. If there were not those lively eyes, Mikura would have no different from a dead body.
“Is something wrong?” Mikura asked cautiously.
“Nothing,” Sachiko answered with an approving smile. “You look like in good spirits, though.” She stroked the redhead’s face tenderly.
“Yes,” Gaining the compliment, Mikura’s eyes almost glittering, her pale face miraculously blushed a little.
“How are you feeling?” Sachiko asked. She looked at Mikura, the girl who was always so cute, so poignant.
“As usual, very well!”
“Really?”
“Yes!”
“But your eyes sold you out.”
“…”
After a brief silence, Mikura spoke again.
“It hurts, very much,” Her voice was slightly trembling. “It is an excruciating pain, feels like my bones was being gnawed every second…”
“The painkiller doesn’t work well?” This was the first time Sachiko saw this aspect of Mikura, which she was not supposed to be able to see forever. It was real, so painful if not more. It was like a sharp sword pierced through her heart. Sachiko first understood what it was called heartbreaking.
They are going to take her away, without my permission.
“They said the dose had been maximized…” The redhead answered. She looked down at the bed sheet, which her hands clutched, and rubbed it nervously.
“I’ll negotiate with them.” Sachiko promised softly. The softness in her tone even was not expected by herself.
For God’s sake, the rules are looser and looser…Both of us were undermining the rules we made before.
Hearing what Sachiko said, Mikura raised her head up instantly, her eyes were shifting like flowing light and filled with yearning and hoping. Sachiko saw that and tried to say something more but was interrupted by the buzzing phone. She glanced at the screen and found out who was calling. She could not help but sigh to herself in mind when she found it was from the board of directors.
“Then, I shall see you next time,” Sachiko gently pressed Mikura’s head against the wall, whispered in her ears. “Be a good puppy, stay here and wait for me.”
“…” Mikura was not able to response clearly. She looked at Sachiko leaving, closing the door which separated Mikura and the entire world.
I’ll be here waiting for you forever, Juraku-sama.
Three weeks had passed since the last time Mikura met Sachiko. During this time, Mikura had started her first course of chemotherapy. The side effects of chemotherapy and continual decay of her bones made Mikura truly realize that life was more unbearable than death. She curled up under the sheet, fighting not to yell in pain. Mikura endured the agony, which was like being gnawed by thousands of ants, from the core of bones to skin. Since the last time Sachiko came to the hospital, there were a few days when they raised the dose of painkiller, Mikura had felt better then. But it could not keep her condition stable, the suffering returned again after a few days. The nausea and the vomiting which was caused by the side effects of chemotherapy made Mikura unable to take in food, and the antiemetic failed to ease her nausea. All of these led to Mikura becoming weaker and weaker. There were times when Mikura lost consciousness from the pain, taking hours to come to.
Even the medical staff had been impressed by Mikura's endurance. She was the girl who seldom lost control as she was confronting this kind of fatal disease. Nobody knew what had been supporting her was only a few fragile words said by Sachiko. Even if there was a simple word from her mistress, Mikura would risk life and limb, fearing no difficulty.
Such trivial pain is not enough to make me disappoint Juraku-sama!
Mikura gritted her teeth, tasting the metallic tang of blood in her mouth. Nevertheless, although her mental strength was solid, the disease was still destroying her physically. Mikura had been deteriorating regardless of the treatment.
This was how the three weeks passed.
Click.
It was the sound that the door was being opened. Mikura could barely open her eyes. She could only see the figure with long silver hair in her blur view.
“Juraku-sama?”
She murmured as if she were in a sweet dream.
Was that illusion again? Or did Juraku-sama just hug me?
A bursting headache struck Mikura again at this inappropriate time. The time seemed to pass slowly; her vision became blurrier; she felt that the space around her was being distorted. But it felt so warm, just like being home.
Juraku-sama… I’m so sleepy… Please don’t sleep… Don’t fall asleep…
Though she did not expect it, Mikura fell asleep eventually.
Sachiko looked down at Mikura, who was sleeping in her arms, her eyes were filled with mixed emotions. Mikura was so thin that Sachiko could hardly recognize her.
Is that you? My Mikura… How could you become like this?
Sachiko kissed the girl’s red hair, finding back a sense of familiarity. During these days without Mikura in her life, she experienced a kind of unprecedented loneliness. Sachiko realized Mikura had become as indispensable to her as her own writing hand—doubtlessly, Mikura had already penetrated every corner of her daily life. It had become a subconscious habit to glance back and make sure the redhead was still by her side; she always ordered servants to prepare two pairs of tableware; she waited for her in the bedroom before sleep by habit… Now, Sachiko realized how cruel the gamble between her and fate was. But what she was able to do was continue it, because giving up equaled losing, and she definitely could not afford the bet.
However, before continuing this gamble between life and death, Sachiko needed a break. She leaned her jaw upon Mikura’s head, closed her eyes. The three weeks poor quality sleep had made her exhausted. Juraku Sachiko was still a human being and needed rest.
The sunshine streamed through the window, gently falling on them. By now, there was no painful disease and annoying business. There were only two girls who loved each other deeply, falling asleep. They had each etched the other into the chapters of their lives, mutually guarding the only sanctuary they had in this noisy, chaotic world. In one quiet room of the hospital, tranquility and warmth shielded them from the urgency of death. A faint smile lingered on their lips—did that represent a dream they could hold onto until the end of the world? A world without suffering and distress…
Mikura woke up on the bed. It was the first time she had woken up naturally since she fell ill. Not having the usual excruciating pain, she regained the consciousness peacefully. Mikura found that someone had tucked her in with the bedsheet, and there was a small piece of paper pinned by a glass cup on the table. She tried to reach the paper, surprisingly finding that her arms were not quivering. Mikura unfolded it, there was a familiar handwritten sentence written on the paper— “keep taking the treatment, good puppy”. She remembered the dream-like scene and smiled subconsciously. Her smile was so soft, sweet, and delightful. If there was somebody passing by, he would absolutely say that it was a radiant smile, like summer blossoms.
The chemotherapy had been conducted for four months, but there was little sign of recovery. The attending physician recommended an allogeneic hematopoietic stem cell transplantation, which was the now her last and final hope for recovery. All aspects considered, after several multidisciplinary consultations, the professional medical team claimed unanimously that this operation had a rather high success rate. Sachiko readily agreed to the operation. Though she was one of the elites in the business world, who had developed her father’s medium-sized enterprise to several large enterprises, she still had to be humble in the presence of doctors within their realm. As always a leader, Sachiko hated to be led by others. But this time, she was willing to set aside her pride—just for Mikura. There was just one simple reason—she did not want to lose her, simply, did not want to lose her.
Sachiko mobilized all resources to find a perfect bone marrow donor. Then, she accompanied Mikura to undergo all of the various examinations. Every time Mikura left without her sight, Sachiko always found herself feeling unsettled. Only when she saw Mikura coming out from the examination rooms and calling her “Juraku-sama” with a sweet smile, Sachiko could relieve for a while. Of course, Sachiko would never show her emotions on her face. In this entire world, only Sachiko knew how important Mikura was to her.
Finally, all results showed that Mikura had met the criteria for undergoing surgery. All things were prepared. The operation would be performed next week. Before the operation, the patient should move into the sterile room for several days, completely isolated from the outside world.
The last night before they separated, Sachiko came into Mikura’s room. She saw the redhead sitting on the bed. The ivory moonlight and the girl’s pale face merged into one color. Hearing someone coming into the room, Mikura turned her head to the doorway.
“Juraku-sama…”
Whenever Mikura saw Sachiko, she would always call out her mistress with deep worship.
Sachiko walked to the bedside and stroked the girl’s haggard face. The late summer breeze blew through the room, stirring up ripples on the surface of the hearts.
“Mikura,” Sachiko stared at the girl’s eyes. “If I order you die, you will die for me, won’t you?”
Mikura nodded, her clear blue eyes reflecting an affirmative answer.
“Well, then, if I order you live, you have to live. You’ll follow all my commands, won’t you?”
“Yes, I will. Juraku-sama,” Mikura answered clearly, her voice filled with sincerity and firmness.
Sachiko looked into the sky-blue pupils and saw the reflection of herself was in the middle place. That was not just a reflection, but a whole world for Mikura.
Sachiko bent down and kissed the girl’s dry lips, hugging her frail body.
You are always mine—an eternal truth. Nothing could ever break our relationship. You will absolutely obey every command from me, that is your belief in life.
What entwined these two hearts was thousands of invisible chains that were called loyalty, trust, and the burning love. There was nothing that could cut it off.
They fell asleep embracing each other, enjoying the last tranquility before the storm. A solitary, lonely moon hung in the clear night sky outside the window, its light casting the dark shadows of trees upon the gray-white walls—a starless night.
The operation was conducted successfully, as the results, thankfully, were promising. Postoperative recovery was proceeding with caution. After more than one month, Mikura had made significant progress in her recovery. Everything was progressing in a positive way.
One day, Sachiko and Mikura took a stroll in the grove behind the hospital. The ground blanketed with withered yellow leaves represented that autumn had already arrived. There were several ravens jumping between the branches, their shrill chirping added a sense of bleak in the air. Mikura looked around excitedly, she had not left the ward since she suffered from the disease. Therefore, even though there was just the bleak autumn wind sighing, she still found it refreshing.
“You’re really spoiled,” Sachiko said with a shallow smile, pretending to be resigned.
Hearing that, Mikura anxiously withdrew her wandering gaze, observing her mistress carefully.
“But you deserve this because you’ve done your task well. Feel happy, your mistress is strict but fair.” Sachiko ran her fingers through the tips of Mikura’s hair. She stared at the end of the avenue, which seemed to be stretching far into the distance, and Sachiko and Mikura were still only at the beginning of it. They could go farther and farther, walking together till the end of the world.
“Do you want any other reward?” Sachiko asked. She giggled again when she saw Mikura’s flattered face. “Just say it, before I change my mind.”
“I want to… go home…” Mikura hesitated for seconds and said her wish quietly. Though she was content just staying by Sachiko’s side, Mikura still wanted to go back to the place where they had spent the most time staying together. The memory which every inch of the house had was the most precious treasure to Mikura. Every page of time had been etched by her almost religious love to Juraku Sachiko. She longed to go home with Sachiko, to go back to where they had been living.
Going home was a reasonable request. Sachiko saw the glittering and begging eyes, she could not help but remembered that she also had not returned home for a long time.
Their home…
Sachiko nodded, accepting this request.
After undergoing comprehensive examination, Mikura was allowed to go home. Though Mikura was still weak, Sachiko was able to have her rest and recover at their home. Also, she had been in a relatively stable condition, follow-up check was considered sufficient.
Sachiko went through the discharge procedures for Mikura. This half-year-long ordeal had drawn to a close with a happy ending. She sorted out the information, walking out the pale gray gate of the hospital. A luxury black car was parked on the road, and Mikura had been waiting for a while. Sachiko got into the car and shut the door. The car started moving, and Sachiko watched the hospital gradually vanishing in her view.
Their destination was a two-story villa, whose solid mahogany door was carved with rustic patterns, and the snow-white walls were adorned with angelic reliefs. Turning the key, even its sound was so familiar. They entered the house; the servants had already prepared their dinner. Just like every time she came back, Mikura walked through the hallway to the restroom, washed out the dust from outside, and turned the corner, finally reached the dining room. She felt like going through a dream. She was home now… The six-month nightmare had eventually ended.
Candlelight flickered over the dining table, casting shadows of the dishes onto the tablecloth. The servants stood quietly in the corners of the room, waiting to be summoned at any moment. After a whole day of hustling around, Mikura was already starving. But she maintained table manners as usual. Sachiko found that and curled her lips into a satisfied smile. As expected of Mikura, whom Sachiko had trained well, she was so well-mannered. It was time to reward the good puppy. Sachiko cut off a piece of steak and held it out to Mikura.
“Open your mouth,” she ordered.
Mikura widened her eyes, delight clearly written across her face. She opened her mouth and ate the piece of steak obediently. Sachiko smiled and watched Mikura’s tears hovering on the edge of her eyes, just like she did six months ago, before the time when she almost lost her. Sachiko firmly believed that this kind of dinner would be their daily routine in each evening in the future. And for now, she only needed to enjoy every second every day they were able to spend together—the prize she won from fate.
At midnight, Sachiko woke up in the dark. She looked down at Mikura sleeping in her arms, appreciating her tranquil sleeping face. The disease did not bring too many changes to the girl’s face. After a month of meticulous treatment, except for being a little pale, there was no difference between Mikura and healthy people. It was hard to imagine that the girl had suffered from leukemia for six months. Sachiko gently kissed the corner of Mikura’s eye, hugged the girl from back, locking her tightly in her arms. She indulged herself in Mikura’s peaceful breath and gradually fell asleep.
Next day morning, the first thing she felt upon waking was numbness on one side of her body. She tried to free her arms from the shackling, but what was locking her up held her even more tightly, she could finally find that she was being embraced by Sachiko. Feeling the escaping intention, the arms continued to exert force, and Mikura felt like she would be smothered. Luckly, Sachiko woke up at this moment. She saw the girl in her arms was almost crying with a wronged expression, then released the strength a little. Sachiko adjusted her posture—with one hand supporting her head, the other remained gently draped around Mikura’s waist. Mikura wrapped her arms around Sachiko’s neck, left a quick kiss on her mistress’s lips.
“Good morning,” she said it tenderly, blinking those eyes which were as innocent as eyes of a baby deer.
“Morning.” Sachiko replied. She lowered her head, rewarded with a more lingering kiss. With lips and teeth entwined, she reclaimed every piece of hers that illness had once taken away.
Their future started this morning and would stretch till the end of the world.
Three weeks passed in the blink of an eye; there was only one week left before Mikura had her first follow-up examination. That day, she tried on a new white dress given by Sachiko. It was customized down to every detail by her mistress. The pure white color could emphasize the beauty of her red hair even more vividly. It was a gift from Sachiko to celebrate Mikura’s recovery. Of course, when she gave it to Mikura, all she said was: “Put it on.”
Drip.
A faint sound of liquid dripping onto fabric.
Following the sound, Mikura looked down at her dress. She just saw that the elegant silk was dyed with scarlet.
Drip, drip, drip…
There were more crimson drops stained the white dress, some splattering onto the marble floor.
Oh no, I’ve ruined Juraku-sama’s gift…
It was Mikura’s first thought. She had not even realized there was blood coming from her nose. As soon as the familiar, unbearable pain struck, Mikura collapsed hopelessly to the floor. She instinctively raised her hand to her nose to see what it was.
It was blood…
Sachiko was astonished when she rushed into the room. She saw Mikura kneeling down on the ground. There was a small pool of blood on the white marble floor. Not only the floor, but her dress too was soaked in blood.
“I’m sorry… Juraku-sama… I…” A violent fit of coughing interrupted her apology. Blood gushed from her mouth as she coughed, splattering against the white wall.
Sachiko darted forward, scooped up Mikura, and rushed downstairs. She unusually lost control. There was no more time to call their driver. Sachiko placed the girl in the back seat of the car, trying to lie her down to reduce the suffering. She drove the car to the hospital. It was the first time she felt it was so far from their home to the hospital.
Mikura was already not able to walk when they arrived at the hospital, and the bleeding still had not stopped. Sachiko watched the medical staff frantically lift Mikura onto a gurney and rush her into the ICU.
Sachiko received a Notice of Critical Illness from the doctor.
The leukemia had relapsed. Leukemic cells had infiltrated the lungs. Massive hemorrhage had resulted in shock.
She did not know how she signed her name calmly and how the week had passed.
A week later, Mikura’s condition had stabilized. She strongly insisted on seeing Sachiko. After several negotiations with the doctors, Sachiko was finally permitted to visit Mikura in the ICU.
Undergoing full-body disinfection, Sachiko entered the ICU. She did not mind being soaked in the smell of disinfectant. She just wanted to see Mikura again, to see her Mikura…
Sachiko stepped into the room and found Mikura on the bed at first. She was thinner, even more than before. Seeing Sachiko, Mikura’s lifeless face became radiant again.
“Juraku-sama.”
The calling was soft and sweet as always.
Sachiko went to the bed, gently hugged Mikura from her back.
“I’m here.” she whispered, eyes filling with boundless tenderness.
“I’m really sorry, Juraku-sama. I got your gift dirty. The floor and the wall at home also got messed up…” Mikura apologized in a low voice.
“You insisted on seeing me so urgently just for this?” Sachiko giggled, but she still reassured the girl. “I had them clean it. I’ll let it slide this time, but not again.”
Hearing that, Mikura smiled. Her smile was as innocent and clear as a child’s, untouched by any suffering. Sachiko deeply regretted that she did not praise the smile at that moment. When she could not see that smile again, she felt so regretful.
Sachiko felt the girl in her arms tensed up for a moment, she saw Mikura slowly lower her head, curling up in pain. Tiny beads of sweat emerged on her pale forehead. Sachiko could hear Mikura’s teeth clicked together with a dry, metallic sound. Doubtlessly, her leukemia flared up again. Sachiko wanted to reach the emergency button, but Mikura had held the front of her shirt tightly, thus she was not able to move even for a second. She looked at the girl’s eyes, which were blurred by tears, the sky-blue color was replaced by the dark of death and desperation, they were accusing how brutal the disease was, how many times she had been desperate. The toll that leukemia had taken was laid bare before Sachiko’s eyes. It was the first time she saw Mikura’s leukemia flaring up, and also the first time she was pushed by the hopelessness into the depth of desperation.
Time passed second by second; there was no sign of ending this torture. Sachiko knew what Mikura was begging for, what the girl was longing for. Trembling, she lowered her head, which was the sign of permission in silence. Mikura was such familiar with every meaning of her mistress’s acts. She gave a pale, weak smile.
Juraku-sama finally allow me to…
Her hand released Sachiko, then dropped down forever.
Sachiko felt her warmth gradually disappeared. She finally realized that fate had always been the dealer, the one manipulating the rules. The player sat across the gambling table actually did not exist from the beginning. Mikura’s love and her extreme obedience to Sachiko’s commands gained these six months for them to say goodbye, but Sachiko did not know that. She kissed her cold, dry lips—a farewell that came too late.
The medical equipment started yelling noisily, the room turned into a complete mess, the medical stuff worked in a panic.
Too noisy… Mikura, if you were here, you definitely would hate this kind of situation, wouldn’t you? It’s okey. We’re going home, our home…
Sachiko received the death certificate calmly, ignoring the doctor’s comforting words. She brought Mikura’s body to their home, buried it under the cherry blossom tree in the yard. That was where Mikura loved the most before, and now, she would sleep here forever. Sachiko did not organize a funeral, Mikura only needed Sachiko’s care as always. She needed no one but Sachiko—she belonged to her, and only her, forever.
They said that cherry blossoms bloom more brilliantly when a body is buried beneath their roots.
Then, what kind of blossoms would the cherry tree that buried Mikura bloom next spring?
Sachiko touched the tomb gently. Here also buried her only softness. What was left was only a cruel beast.
“Mikura…”
The wind blew her whispers away.
Sachiko knew every time she attended the student council meeting, Mikura always waited for her outside of the meeting room, no matter how long the meeting would be. That was Mikura, who had never changed. Therefore, Sachiko ordered her last time.
“Be a good puppy, wait here for me.”