Work Text:
I fell first and fell alone
The first time I saw him was the day my parents introduce me to their master. I was 15 at that time, at the age when I start to learn the truth about the world, about feeling and about my parents’ job. Nothing shameful about my parents’ job, I can accept it easily because I think that’s the way they try to raise me. They are busy but they love me like nothing else. My dad is a driver and my mom is a housemaid and they are working for the same person, they work for Methanan family. They never planned to get me there, because I have a little bit of brain and the Methanan head think that was just a wasted of me to serve the family.
But everything changes when the Methanan’s family atmosphere became gloomier, the head hope that I can be the eldest son companion. The word companion sound good, but they actually want me to be the spy and bodyguard. Because I have to report to them everything that Young Master Tul doing while take care of him so he won’t get kidnaped. But there is also something hidden beneath, because the madam now is not Young Master Tul’s mom, but his step mom and the mother of second young master Tin.
Everyone told me many things before I met him, to be cautious, to be a good spy, to report on time. But when I met him, I lost everything. Because that’s the first time I know someone who looks so lonely without showing sign, the more I know him, the more lonely he feel. Until I choose to protect him in my own way and disregarding my own life to achieve it. And there is no other reason why I did that, I fall in love with him.
Young Master Tul who look so lonely, sitting in the sofa facing the floor to ceiling windows, wearing uniform of international school where he studies. Black trouser, white shirt and a tie unique to his school. He looks expressionless, but I can see loneliness deep in his dark brown eyes. His immature eyes cannot hide his overly cautious eyes, eyes that cannot present in a kid with loving family, his eyes just present in those who grow up in a turmoil and have no place to call home.
After sensing my presence, he looked at me and said nothing. He knows why I was there and never questions me. Maybe he was tired of all the dramas happened in his house and have no desire to struggle anymore.
Since then, I followed him, goes to school together, get home together and doing everything together. He is so cautious and never talks to me, maybe he was afraid if he talked to me, I will report it to his family. But everything started to change when he see my report to the family, the weather was gloomy at that time. We have to do group assignment at the library and I left my phone on the table because I have to find a book forgotten by one of our member.
“Hin, someone call you. It said ‘Por’.” Anya, one of our members brings my phone and takes it. That was my father tells me to go home before rain. I answer and give her back my phone because I’m not yet found the book.
Not long after Anya left, Young Master Tul approach me and drag me to the corner of the library, far away from everyone.
“Have you ever told them about me?” he asked and I a little bit confused about his question, until he show my chat with old madam.
Young Master Tul doing his homework. 16.23
Young Master Tul going to the mall. 15.50
Young Master Tul meeting his friend to do homework at the café. 16.00
Young Master Tul going home. 18.03
“You never told them what I actually do? Why?” he asked something that I will never replay, the reason why I protected him.
“Nothing, young master. They would find us if we are missing for a little bit long.” I try to shift the topic and try to run away.
Maybe Young Master Tul feel like I can be believed, because start from then on, he talked to me and we became closer. So close that I almost cannot contain my love for him.
When I was 19 and started university, the Methanan ask me to be the same major as Young Master Tul. Even though I didn’t want because it was not my dream major, but I have to agree. I work for them and I have to agree to whatever they wanted me to do, that’s what my parents told me. To obey the Methanan is something that my parents always tried to brainwash me with and I obey them. They just say to the Methanan, they didn’t specified which Methanan and I choose Young Master Tul as the matter of course. I obey him and do whatever he wanted, even giving myself to him.
The Methanan family became gloomier as the years passed by, it became more unbearable for Young Master Tul. And he started showing sign of self-harm. How can I let someone I love hurt himself, I cannot see it. So I offer myself to him. At first he just kissing me so rough until my lip cracked, but it became further. He tying me up and toying with my body, leaving bite mark everywhere and sometimes the marks bleed. He was also so rough and he never stops until he release all the frustration builds in him.
From the graduation of high school, if something happened in his family, he always drags me to his apartment and does everything there. Most of the time, after everything was done, he just left me and I have to take care of myself. He never play soft with me, leave me suffer alone because it was impossible to tell anyone. But I can bear it because I love him. Even he always rough with my body and torture me, as long as it can make him batter, I will let him do it. Because I belong to him. I can endure everything because I belong to him.