Chapter Text
August 14 th , 1997 - 8:46 pm
“That’s one weird frog.” Kat’s comment interrupted the quiet that up until now, had remained for approximately twenty minutes.
It was one of those quiet days, where even the usual whispers of the trees had no more gossip to share.
Autumn and Nora sat surrounding the unlit firepit – the stones charred black from their time of use. The girls lingered in the quiet as their hands brushed when passing a lemon soda between one another. The passings seemed to get more frequent as they went on. Pausing mid handover, both girls had their attention stolen by their friend – seemingly just staring up a tree.
“What?” Autumn piped up, not fully registering Kat’s words, having gotten used to the quiet.
Without looking back at them, Kat silently motioned with her hand for Nora and Autumn to come closer. Moving to get up, Nora and Autumn noticed both of their hands were still holding the soda. Fingers overlapping just slightly. Grabbing the can with her unoccupied hand, Nora relinked her hand with Autumn’s and pulled her up.
“What’s up?” Nora said, as they reached Kat’s side. Unlinking her hand from Autumn’s, Nora balanced her arm on the shorter girl’s shoulder, as Autumn picked out a stray leaf from Kat’s buzz cut hair. It had started to gain some length.
Kat promptly pointed to the underside of a large birch branch just above her.
“Look. It’s like all gray.” Sure enough, up above sat a rather small frog, camouflaged against the branch with its light gray coloring, adorned with darker splotches.
“Oh yeah. I see it.” Autumn responded as she and Nora spotted the animal.
“Last I checked, frogs are like green, or a weird brown?” Nora added with a questioning inflection.
“Hm.” Was all Kat contributed, until after a few seconds - “Swann, come here for a sec!”
“Coming!” Came a quick response.
As Nora was about to give a horribly predictable response, Autumn lightly smacked her arm. The action paused the joke, simply prompting a teasing glare and devilish giggle from Nora pointed Autumn’s way.
Swann hurriedly stepped out from behind a couple of trees, making her way to the now formed group, having been preoccupied with getting footage of a perched bluejay. She technically already had some footage from yesterday, but now the lighting from the sunset was far too perfect, purples and pinks shining off blue feathers as if a dream.
As Swann neared, Kat turned slightly to hold out her hand for Swann to grab, making Nora pull her arm back. Hand in hand, Kat could now pull Swann to her side, using their conjoined hands to point up. She held on for a second too long before letting their hands unlink.
“Do you know what that guy is? Like, with the color.” Kat asked.
“Oh cool! It’s a gray tree frog!” Swann exclaimed in recognition.
“They rarely go to the ground, except to mate and lay eggs. They can also go like really high because of their high tolerance to freezing-” Swann rambled on, failing to notice Kat’s eyes gradually descending from the frog to her.
“Oh right, the color. Well, it can actually change its color to green or brown, depending on where it is for camouflage. So, right now it’s gray, cause of the tree.” Swann stopped her informative spiel, and Kat continued to stare.
While Swann might be clueless, others weren’t.
“Pretty cool. What do you think, Kat?” Autumn smirked, nudging Kat’s shoulder with her own. Being woken from her trance, Kat’s eyes flickered to anywhere but the face they’d been fixed on.
“Uhm. Yeah, sure” was all Kat could deliver as a spacey response, clearly still regaining focus.
“Wauw, should’ve just pushed their faces together,” Nora chuckled, her words queuing a blush on each of the flustered girls’ faces.
“Geez!” Swann giggled, trying to hide her embarrassment, however, her hands failed to deliver the same message as she began to fidget.
Seeking to change the spotlight, and for a bit of payback, Kat retorted.
“Because you’re such a Casanova,” Kat teased. “Let’s kickstart your love story Nora. Kiss the frog, get yourself a prince.” Kat would’ve picked up the frog and brought it to Nora to terrorize her further, but she didn’t want to bother the now not so mysterious animal.
To minimize the threat, Nora promptly stepped back to sit at her previous spot by the firepit, stretching out her legs.
“Hell no! Autumn can do it.”
“Ew! Why me?” Autumn exclaimed high pitched, as she moved to sit crisscross by Nora - shoving her shoulder.
Tilting her head at the girl now next to her, Nora grinned, “cause! It’d be a hell of a lot better than your last so-called prince.” The playful tone transformed with a hint of disgust at the reminder of Dean. Thankfully, the mention of her ex didn’t deplete Autumn’s mood, as it usually could, especially when Nora loved going on rants a mile long about the guy.
“Probably. Oh! Or that guy from last year. He got SO pissed when I rejected him!” Autumn giggled.
“Don’t remind me. Seriously, I think I barfed in my mouth,” Nora replied dramatically, Autumn could only agree.
“I still prefer humans though, also I am not looking to get sick.” The thought of some weird frog sickness, even if made up, made Autumn shudder.
“I’d do it.” Swann chimed in. “Magical boyfriends, or girlfriends , are way better than regular human ones.”
“Sure.” Autumn said, holding her hands up in surrender, as Swann continued her defense.
“Also, this species can’t really get you sick”
“Still disgusting!” Countered Nora. Ever one for the dramatics, she continued with her hands clasped to her heart, “can’t believe you’d kiss a gross, sick frog before me!” Swann couldn’t help but giggle at Nora’s faux offense. Sitting down next to her, knees to chin, Swann hoped the action of leaning into the taller girl was consoling enough. It seemed to work.
Swann could feel Nora’s longer hair at the back tickling her forehead. It hadn’t taken Nora long before deciding to begin the journey of changing her hair in a way that wasn’t just dye, and so far, she was on track for a Suzi Gardner look, while still upholding her own flair of now purple bangs.
“But I have kissed you!” Swann reminded her. Glancing down at the redhead, Nora grumbled, “not real ones.”
“Right, you need a whole makeout sesh to be satisfied.” Said Autumn. She always knew how to call Nora out.
“Yes!” Nora smiled, holding out her hand towards Autumn, “please come and console me.”
“You wish” Autumn playfully rejected, instead blowing a simple kiss in her friend’s direction. Good enough. The action had all three giggling.
Steadily, the comfortable silence between tall trees then returned with calm breaths.
Kat remained by the birch tree, staring at the eye-shaped marks littering the white wood. Her quiet was different. Pondering and tense. There was a certain grainy haze overlaying her vision as she thought, reminding her of Swann’s tapes.
Swann.
Taking and releasing a short, but deep breath, Kat turned to her friends. Standing in front of the three sitting girls, Kat couldn’t help but feel a little silly, terrified and exhilarated.
Tapping her palms against her legs and swaying the tiniest bit back and forth on her feet, Kat spoke, “speaking of sick. I have something to tell you guys.”
All eyes turned to her, and so the poet struggled to find her words.
“I’ve uh. Shit.” Kat chuckled. “I’ve waited a few weeks to tell you, just to be sure, but… I’m in remission.” There was unexpectedly not much of a reaction from the group, but upon realizing their confused glances towards each other, Kat elaborated, a small, genuine smile grazing her lips.
“My cancer’s gone.”
As if a bomb went off, dust rose into the air as all three girls kicked themselves off the ground and flung their bodies towards Kat. They all began hugging her, touching her, making sure it was all real.
It felt like the day she announced she had won the tickets for the bikini kill concert, only ten times more incoherent. Kat could barely register any words spoken between the three girls, a couple of holy shits, oh my gods, and a geez-o or two from Swann. The red head always had a way of standing out like that.
Their excitement never failed to infect Kat, even with her previous nerves still present. She reveled in the chaos of it all. Misty eyes falling shut, she let herself escape into it.
Soon enough, things began to quiet but not like before. Harsh breaths and small uncontrollable giggles continued to fill the air that now appeared with a small breeze, rustling the leaves as if celebrating with the girls.
“Hey. You… okay in there?” Autumn’s comforting voice travelled clearly into Kat’s mind, her tone concerned but with a continued audible smile on her face. Kat felt three small taps from the palm of a guitar-worn hand against her cheek. Nora’s gesture brought a quiet chuckle from the shorter girl as she reopened her eyes, focusing through the blur that momentarily filled her vision.
“Yeah. Yeah.” Kat responded with a smile, her eyes flickering between all three girls. Maybe there was more to all of it, but it didn’t make her answer any less true.
“This feels so unreal,” Swann gasped, as if a million thoughts had ravaged her mind, and she finally managed to speak one aloud. Looking into shining, green eyes, Kat attempted a look of reassurance.
“Trust me. I know.”
A sharp gasp was heard as Nora gave a small jump, as if electrified by the idea in her head. “Holy shit! We have to party so hard tonight! Like extra epic!” Nora exclaimed, making her voice deeper towards the end for added effect. Her words earned unanimous agreements.
“Fuck yeah,” Kat nodded.
Grabbing her hand, Nora began promptly dragging Kat towards Fawn’s rest. Autumn and Swann followed close, with the taller girl swinging her arm around Swann’s shoulder.
“Let’s go! Dance party time!” Nora spoke with enthusiasm, twirling Kat around as they entered the cabin.
“Gonna put on some Madonna?” Kat said with friendly snark.
“I appreciate sexy ladies of all kinds. And don’t act like you don’t enjoy a good pop song.” Nora retorted.
“Yeah, a good one.” It was true, but Madonna just wasn’t in Kat’s ballpark of music.
“Nora’s barely gonna need any alcohol with the high she’s on.” Autumn giggled with Swann. Truth was of course, all four girls felt the same high, like a power surge coursing through their bodies making them unstoppable. _______________________________________________________________________________________
August 21 st , 1997 – 4:26 am.
The last few days since Kat’s announcement were like a live pulse reverberating through all the girls, as if they were one. Because, that’s what they were, a unit, something comprehensible to only them. It’s why Kat’s recovery affected them so, they felt it too. Though through the loud and intimate days and nights, sleep was a rarity. Not as a treasure they sought for, but like a ritualistic event they accepted whenever it grabbed hold. And tight it would hold.
Which is why Swann’s phone suddenly ringing by her bedside table was like a live earthquake making its presence known in her room only. While close, Swann managed to not tumble out of bed - Shadow wasn’t so lucky.
Blindly slapping around her table to stop that god awful noise, she finally grabbed hold of her pink, sticker covered phone.
Swann prayed her mother was a deep sleeper tonight.
Bringing the device to her ear, she hoped she’d be able to decipher the words of whoever was on the line over the sound of her beating heart.
“Swann?” Came a hoarse and trembling voice through the speaker. Swann briefly couldn’t help but wonder if this was a cruel dream, or reality, where recovery was but a mere concept and Kat’s sickness never left. So, she hurried to answer.
“Kat?” Swann whispered. She sat herself up further, and shook her head a bit, blinking rapidly, hoping to provide some awareness to her sleep clouded mind.
“Yeah. Uhm – cough – Can you meet me at Fawn’s rest? Now?” It was clear Kat tried to steady her voice by coughing purposefully, but all it did was remind Swann of the time such a cough meant something worse than imaginable.
Thus, the twinge of panic in her voice was hard to avoid.
“Of course! Wha- What’s wrong?” For a few moments, all that was exchanged were quiet breaths. Swann debated saying something, but her mind was swarmed with thoughts, and she didn’t know which to hold on to.
Thankfully, Kat responded.
“Just get here please.” Breathe through the nose, out the mouth. “I just gotta get out, and I need to see you.”
Even in the early stages of the friendship with her girls, Swann had done more than she’d thought possible for someone like herself. She had learned to yell and scream, show the world to who and where she belonged through songs and late-night escapades. All things the Swann before could only have dreamt of through fanfiction. Now though, for better or for worse, the request to sneak out was a normalcy.
“Yea- yes! I’m going now.” The continuous tone that followed indicated the end of the call.
Swann wanted to hurry, but her hands were shaking, and she needed them to stop. Looking down she remembered something, something about hands. Hands weren’t visible in dreams, were they? She’d read that in a book somewhere she’d thought useless at the time.
That must mean this was real, would that prove to be a blessing or a curse?
Swann may be quiet, but never blind – she saw people, it’s what she did. Since Kat’s announcement, maybe even before, something was different. There always seemed to be something deeper with Kat. Swann tried to slow down at times, make it clear that she noticed Kat like Kat noticed her, but the subtlety of it all made it easy for the other girl to brush off. Autumn and Nora saw it too, but Kat carried on – holding them close in a way like it hurt. Swann was scared that whatever it was, Kat had now reached a breaking point, and she wouldn’t be able to bring her friend back.
Staying in the dark – walking to her closet Swann picked out a potentially mismatched outfit consisting of long, denim pants and a T-shirt, making sure to grab her jacket as well. The temperature was low for a summer night.
“Alright Shadow, be good and cover for me. Okay?” Swann said, an attempt to calm herself by talking aloud to her feline friend who was hardly visible in the night’s gleam.
Shadow had recovered from the previous scare and returned to lying on the spot that had managed to retain some warmth. Unsurprisingly no response was given, but Swann knew her fluffbutt had her back.
Swann packed up and slid out of her room. She skipped over the stairs’ fourth and fifteenth step, quietly reaching the front door. Usually it creaked up a storm, but tonight it could sense her urgency and opened without a sound.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
August 21 st , 1997 – 4:50 am.
Entering the whispering woods, Swann turned on her camcorder’s flash. The sun was starting to rise, but the treetops crowded the sky leaving the ground beneath darkened. Walking beneath silver streams of light, Swann allowed herself to think, letting muscle memory carry her to Fawn’s rest.
She just wanted Kat to be okay.
She had to be okay.
Stepping out from the cover of trees, Swann now stood in front of the wooden cabin.
A few months after discovering the house, the girls had taken their decorating outside as well. Besides cleaning up the surrounding area, and collecting old artifacts stuck in time, putting them in a memorial sort of arrangement by the miner’s grave – the girls had added their own Bloom and Rage flair.
Swann had installed some potted flowers and plants around the area, blues, purples and yellows framing the cabin. With the help of Autumn, she even managed to get a window box installed by the window at the front of the house. Although, with neither Autumn nor Swann being very practically skilled, the thing hung a little wonky. Yet, it kept surviving another day.
Amongst the flowers occupying the window box were amber omitting string lights. One day Nora had come to Fawn’s rest, arms tangled in the wires, some loosely wrapped around her neck like a scarf. She said she’d gotten the lights in L.A, and thought they’d be perfect for giving the cabin a bit of a spark. While putting them up around the edge of the roof, one got twisted up with the flowers, but the girls decided it worked and let it be.
Small mistakes like that – or happy little accidents – as Nora would say, quoting Bob Ross, weren’t uncommon.
For example, Kat accidentally smashed through a rotten, wooden board with a hammer as she was trying to put in place a nail to hang up an insect hotel, something she’d recently read about at the time and promptly bought. Along with that, Autumn accidentally dropped and spilled a bucket of teal paint on some of the lower boards, but that gave the girls an idea to bring out a fresh piece of wood to paint as replacement for the rotten one. The teal board stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the brown, but it was their mark, made visible with various sharpie doodles framing the letters SNAK in the middle.
Though, Swann’s favorite piece of décor was hung on the front door. After their first concert, Swann salvaged a piece of their ash covered and torn up Bloom and Rage banner. Keeping It was meant to be just a sort of tribute to that night, but Kat always had a better idea. On the entrance to Fawn’s rest, just above the speakeasy, was the fabric. Stretched out with a nail in each corner, on it adorned the words “BEWARE! Witches inside!” framed by the chosen, painted symbols: raven, sun, moon, moth.
“Kat?” Swann called out. For a few seconds she thought all she’d be left with was the creak of the weathervane. She never went up there with Kat like she said she would.
“I’m in the attic” A recognizable raspy, but sweet voice responded from the side of the house.
Swann turned off her light and let the creak of the door signal that she was on her way. As she gave a quick look around the cabin, Swann took notice of the lack of Nora and Autumn. Her eyes reached the access to the attic, the stairs already pulled down – inviting her up.
“You got here fast.” Kat said flatly from where she sat by the roof’s opening. The newly visible light filtered through the trees, leaving splotches of gold against the girl’s pale skin. Its pattern reminiscent of the gray tree frog.
“Well, I can always use some adventure at almost five am.” Swann smiled halfheartedly, an attempt at breaking the quiet tension.
Swann sat herself down by Kat’s side, feet dangling over the edge. Testing Kat’s level of comfort she placed herself close. In the silence, Kat didn’t move so neither did Swann.
“Are the others coming?” Swann finally asked, looking towards Kat, who remained fixed on watching the rising horizon. The start of another day.
“Uhm, no.” Kat answered. ”It’s just you.”
“Oh” Was all Swann said in return, turning her gaze downwards.
What was she doing? What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t let it end there.
As quickly as she had looked away Swann returned her gaze to the only girl so infuriating it made her perfect.
“What’s wrong Kat? Like… really.” Swann asked, hoping her voice carried her attempt at firmness.
Kat closed her eyes in tandem with a deep breath, opening them at release. They just sat for a moment, and Swann wanted nothing more than to beg the girl to speak, but she couldn’t. She needed Kat to talk.
Please.
Please.
Plea - then the click of a tongue.
“The cancer – my cancer – isn’t just gone.”
No.
Not again.
“What?” was the only thing Swann could respond.
Kat quickly realized her mistake.
“I mean, it is gone,” she hurried to reassure, “but it can come back.”
While relieved at the clarification, Swann had to compose herself for a few seconds after the scare. Already the second time tonight.
“I didn’t think of that,” Swann said with the release of a sharp breath.
“No one seems to,” Kat replied, her previously flat tone adopting a sharpness, and Swann couldn’t help but feel that she had contributed to it through her relief.
Before words of apologies could escape her mouth, Kat continued.
“I get it, you’re happy.” A beat of silence, then Kat released a small but flat laugh, “I am too. So, I fucking hate I feel like this, but-“
Kat’s voice grew louder and sharper with each word spat into the world, before yanking the air from her lungs.
Maybe it should’ve pushed Swann away, but the anger pulled her in. As Kat’s head slumped, eyes scrunched with the pain that was finally revealed, Swann turned to look at her friend, now just one leg dangling over the edge.
Glancing down at Kat's trembling fists, Swann felt a twitch in her own
Not yet.
“There’s always something,” Kat sighed “I remember calling Dylan. She was so happy, I wasn’t there. All I could do was stare down at the slip of paper telling me when to come in again for checkups.” The words were whispered like a secret laced with poison. At last, Kat's eyes cracked open, greeted by a world somehow still there.
She continued in a solemn whisper.
“It can’t just be fucking over.”
As a sixth sense of sorts, the feeling of being watched was too obvious, and Kat saw it from the corner of her eye – green eyes that were too much and made her stand. Said gaze followed.
Something was growing – or had been growing, deep inside Kat. It made her pace. She stepped away from the edge of the opening, only to return right back to it where, as if at a standstill with her own mind, she was frozen.
It made her breaths come quicker and quicker.
”I just feel like – fuck” Kat’s hands moved rapidly in the air, eventually grasping on to her body, but it was as if she barely held anything. “Shit – like. Like maybe I’m supposed to disappear.” Each sentence accompanied by shaky breaths.
Coming here was supposed to make everything clearer – the essence of Fawn’s rest so often did.
The smell of stale beer, burnt ash and drying wet clothes mixed with something lost long ago.
Yet, inside her it kept growing.
The sound of her pen scraping words of enchantments onto cheap paper, as all around her were the captivating sounds of laughter that inspired it all.
And growing.
The feeling of dedicated hands in her short, but apparently workable hair before she was grabbed and pulled into a rhythmless dance.
And growing.
Everything she had and got to keep, could be more now, but what would that eventually become?
Suddenly, there was a pressure enclosing her hand that had fallen to her side. A freckled hand held on tight, but gently. It wasn’t a gaze, nor words, but something physical.
The growth came to a rest.
“You’re right here, Kat.” Swann said, tightening her unwavering hold as proof of her words. Still sitting, but now both legs removed from the ledge and instead tucked beneath her, Swann’s hand descended with Kat’s as the standing girl slid down, leaning her back against splintering wood, conjoined hands balancing on bent knees - a bridge.
“So much has been taken from me, Swann.” Kat said as she finally met Swann’s gaze. Blue eyes dulled of their usual expressiveness. “Now I get time, more than I’ve ever planned for. I thought I was prepared for the end – shit, I don’t know. Now though, I want this life, this whole life, with you – all of you.” Kat began holding on just a little tighter.
“I just feel like I’ll jinx it, I thought I was by telling you all – I expect the universe to just take away my chance at this.”
It would be just her luck.
A survivor stuck in a continuous battle.
“This is, never, gonna, fucking, end.” Kat’s gaze was cast downwards and each word got punched out in whispered beats.
Kat never got to tell Swann, Autumn and Nora about her cancer, that opportunity was stolen. However, this moment, was impossible to take away.
“I won’t either.” Swann said moving closer, the hand in her grasp she now enclosed with both of hers. Leaning forward, Swann’s chin skimmed Kat’s knees, searching for the other girl’s gaze, but all she could see was a furrowed brow.
“What?” Kat replied, looking up, and hereby giving Swann what she wanted. A small smile was earned in return and Swann moved impossibly closer, Kat’s knees widening just slightly – letting her in.
Swann reached down for Kat’s other hand, both now in her grasp, held them to her chest and spoke.
“I promise you; I won’t leave you. Ever. None of us would.”
The eyes that were fixed on her own were filled with a determination unlike anything Kat had ever seen, it brought back a spark in her own and reached somewhere deep in her soul where it fought, and she desperately wanted it to win.
“I don’t think you can promise that.” Kat said with a small shake of her head. “We’re older, it’s inevitable. Autumn is going to college, Nora’s gonna be a rockstar, you’ll change the world and I’ll–.” The words tumbled out of her mouth until they ended with a desperate sigh.
“So, you can’t promise that.” Kat said. Her words sounded final, but she didn’t want them to be – and so Swann continued.
“But I can!” Turning Kat’s left hand to face palm up, Swann placed her pointer finger next to Kat’s own, both girls stared at their small, almost invisible but matching scars gleaming in the morning sun.
They were the proof that Swann’s promise wasn’t just hopeful, empty words.
Kat moved her thumb to caress Swann’s mark. Returning her gaze to Swann – her iconoclast.
“I’m scared.” Kat said with a wavering smile. That was it , what it all boiled down to, she thought she’d known how her life would turn out, but now everything was turned around and became something else and so uncertain.
“Just trust me” Swann’s simple reply came in a whisper meant for just them, it made the whole forest quiet.
Inside Kat something won – and so her answer happened by moving her knees to the side, leaning forward, and closing the already small gap.
Swann barely had time to react to the brief and chaste kiss, as Kat moved back sooner than expected – breaking the kiss with a seal – Swann’s body followed along. Although lips remained apart, through closed eyes and touching foreheads they still felt it.
It was more than just a promise; it was a vow.
The start of a whole life.